Navigating the "Waze" of Chinuch **English **

I've been asked from all English speakaking people that I'm going to speak in English and my English is very hard to understand someone who speaks English only it's a very high high vocabulary you don't know this a lot of words in it lot of kesh involved so hopefully you'll understand them so they say there was a story of a person his name was Mama he lived in a city in Austria Minsk was a schle didn't have poor whenever he started a job it was he decided that's it enough was enough he is going to America he's moving to America And America, it's the place of all places. It's the the the land of opportunities. That's it. America it is. That's it. Ticket and the boat. It doesn't even know what is to do there. First of all, it's over of United States. He gets to Manhattan. It was on a Friday morning checks in hotel. I don't know how he had the money to check in, but Lamas checked in hotel and he started thinking himself like laying in his bed. So, so I'm an earth. What am I doing now? First of all, you know what? First of all, I'm a coyan. Let's start with this. Uh, I'm not a Israel anymore. Was I was a Israel and that's it. Who's Let's change the mouth around. Friday night he d the hotel he doesn't have any clothes to go but shops in the morning it's there on the east side somewhere in Manhattan he sees a big sh congregation oh sad that's it also you getting exactly Call him a goes over. He felt so good. He didn't even have a penny. He felt already. That's it. The ding is finished. Everybody goes over to the rough and says, he comes over to the rough. He just comes to the for two minutes. to the end. He doesn't know. There's one problem there. I remember your bidding. I was there. I think I even had a little piece of sugar from your when did you become a coin? How did you become a coin? So he tells the rabbi, you see rabbi, this is America. This is America. You change location. The same person that was Israel Minsk is Can you imagine the biggest gun in Minsk, the biggest bal in Minsk, the biggest bandit in Minsk? He just came to America. He became the rabbi of O. That's what happens when you change locations. Something happens. So why am I starting off with this story? Sometimes when a person change locations, he could sell the Brooklyn Bridge everyone. So I don't know what you know about me. I'm not having I did I did a lot of from there turned out to say it's a world that there's so much opportunity you just need a good recorder and say and you can inspire thousands of people that to do this and that's what we're here tonight hopefully to speak a bit a bit the name the topic was something with the ways I don't remember what the word was told ways GPS what >> ways >> ways of sock is a topic that you know is they say there was once three Yiddish sitting in a park sitting down on the bench they're sitting and one mother says how is Another one says, "Oh yeah." The third says, "Yeah." Okay, enough discussed our children. Okay, let's start a new topic. [snorts] Let's get a new topic is a topic that always people want to hear about it. Whenever you see a drush about Oh, let's hear. And maybe what I'm going to say now is a little bit hurtful, but people confuse the word with something else. People sometimes didn't don't even when they say let's hear something on parenting. What do you really mean when you say parenting? So like let's start the story from the beginning. We were all teenagers one day and we weren't even married. And everything went fine and well and one day we found our we got married was hard in the beginning till we adjusted to one each other and that's it and we started a new life we have a house everything is comfortable here is my bed here is my kitchen here's my dining room here are my and that's it and I buy stuff and I have it and and and when I leave it it's left there and suddenly all of a sudden new immigrants to immigrate our house. It's called squatters. Happens to me. It's our children. And it's starting to disturb our life. It's not the same comfortable life that we're used to. You put away you put a thing over here a few minutes later. Who broke it? Who did it? What's going on here? The kids said Hashem. These are the same children that we're begging Hashem. We want them and we we cherish them. But at the end of the day they're disturbing our comfort. They take away our ishas and we are looking for we want men more than women. Women somehow think that the house is a workplace. Men don't see a house as a workplace. It's a pl. It's a hotel. It's a place to come and sh and I'm going to do everything to get back this sh but it doesn't work. Why? Because this boy aggravates me and this and she's not mish and here I got a phone call from the manal that this boy is doing trouble. You know what? So parading let's hear so you're not looking for you look to be comfortable and we confuse it. We call it there's some that was crying and filling up a whole glass of tears. He didn't look for comfort. It didn't look to be comfortable. He just want a comfortable life. Why not? Why not having good children? So nice. Yeah. Have a nice house. Have a nice car. Having have good children. It's like a part of the package. They always say, "Okay, shine a hose. good and why not having good children. So, first of all, whenever we speak, let's just remind ourselves what are we looking for? What are we looking for? What what are you trying to gain when we're going to hear a like tips? A tip. So, everything is let's do it fast. Give me a tip. It should work from today to tomorrow and everything is no. When we say the word, we really look for one thing. We want that we should have a dor should have a generation that should continue that that continue what I saw by my parents and what my parents saw by their parents from since I want to have this to be I want to be that my children [snorts] should go on the same that's what we are looking for and is this what we're looking for we are ready to sacrifice for it. We're ready to do something for it. We know that one of the that happened in the tent of surah was that the candles from Shabas were burning till the next week. Whole week the candles were burning after it was such a that when got married with Rifka he was looking if this nest is going to happen again by him and yeah and the says It happened the same. Yes. What's the big deal that the candle is burning for seven days? Today it's call not a big deal. There's a company in their mitz. You can have candles burning for 14 days as well for a full year for till the second year. What what is what's this message behind candles burning? And you know we have a whole week struggles with our children struggles ups and downs and okay go there go don't do this don't that oh yeah he's everything why can't be why can't you do this why can't everything yet there's that two three minutes in the week when the yishama stands with and then we want only one thing we don't need to children thousand things we're standing with these We love them and we just begun. We want they should beem. Okay, this is only 2 minutes a week. And what's the rest? 24/7 minus 2 minutes. I give all these ups and downs, roller coasters. If we could stay focused a whole week, we should really want the same thing that we want those two minutes. This is the tent of suro by Soreno in her house 40 24 hours 7 days a week those moments of the shabas candles lit a whole week it never stopped the focus what we are looking never stopped in a week from now we're going to be holding is a whole to say that I don't know such year when we say it shabas whatever I think we said a filler. We ask [clears throat] them we should have good kids. We should have with them. They should be bal. But we we asked them for a lot of stuff. But let's remember one thing. I once heard I think said I never saw it in the but they say [snorts] when you open a you're going to see that by the you could ask for one of three things to say. to asker either or you can ask for ores three things. I have a friend. He tells me he asked all three of them and he told asked. So he told me what do you mean? I have the not only I have the without the and I got the without the Let's think a minute. There's a triller that it's this is an old filler guy how many years ago this was in this and they gave us a choice to ask one of three things you can't ask all three of them one of them pick yourself a choice either either either good children say let's bean do you know one person that has a sha what to ask them he's standing with you okay I have three choices or good children. Do you think there was one person since they said again? Who needs are we so crazy foresh? Look, we're so anxious only of thinking what is going to happen tomorrow. Can you imagine you have you know what's going to happen tomorrow? anxiety is gonna be too who needs and to say okay maybe I'm not asking but the is okay listen it must be a very to say I get to get the kinder I don't need it just give me the I mean but what does the do you give three choices why three choices why Shouldn't there be that by you can ask for get that's it why do you have to put this do two choices who needs it so they say I didn't see it inside but the vert is galdic the ver is hashem knows that what a a person will ask for but the kazal came and they showed us you should know one thing in order to have those good children remember you'll always will have to give up for other things to have those children. It won't go together with everything. It doesn't work. I have everything in my life plus good children. It may happen maybe happen but you have to be ready to sacrifice ask are you ready to give up sometimes your are you ready to give up something of comfort in your life for these children or you want that you just come together with a package and let's face it vif mention sometimes are ready to give up children for another dollar you could spend the next hour, a precious hour, quality time with your child. Or I could go run after another dollar. I'm not sure you're going to have the dollar, but I [clears throat] don't know. Yeah, let's move this [snorts] kind of let's make another dollar. Brother Eisner used to say sometimes mention of the so we have to know this we have to be mim to give up when a first child is born in a yisha family there's a ben what's this occasion all about a coin stands in front of the and he asks my boy what do you want more do you want the five sloin or do you want the And the looks and he says I would like the child. Take the five and give me the child. What is happening here? So the mus used to say that the iso for life for every Jewish father and mother. You should know that this question that the kan asked by the is not only once a question by the this question you're going to be asked again and again during all the your parent life you know how many times this question comes what what do you prefer prefer the child or you prefer the dollar? Are you ready to give up a little tasa? Are you ready to give up some comfort in your house? you know that if this thing is going to come into my house is going to have a bad effect to my child. Sometimes it could be electronic device. Sometimes whatever I don't I'm not going in anything. I'm not m everybody knows exactly. Everybody knows himself better than any aladouch is healthish aligned. This thing shouldn't be in my house but I want it. It's so comfortable to have it. Yeah, but it can affect the of the children. So here you go. Here you have your my boy question. Why are you taking that? You preferring this preferring that? We have always this question. This question comes up all the time and that's what we have to ask ourself. There's one of the famous stories that I made it famous a few years ago in Kakuni. It was a real musical emotional story. People went crazy for the story but maybe didn't have so much the message. The story was about a older woman. It's a true story. A older woman that had up some chigas to look into bags. Whenever she saw a bag, she looked into it. I already said the same story again. not on the woman nor on the zeta because I had to say they told me please don't say it on the baba say it on the z but the tr the the truth the story happened with the woman she was looking into bags and the children were very embarrassed mommy has she going to look into bags whenever she saw a bag in the stores used to go to people excuse me can I look into the bag was mom a crazy habit one day the mother was already in the older is and one of her children calls her up mommy don't ask they kicked me out of a wedding today so what happened was before the I went over to say she had her bag so I went and looked into her bag whole scandal and the mother's sitting crying at home she was embarrassed they kicked her out by a wedding so her son he felt so bad for her mother. So he came over to her mother to the house to ask her to see what how she feels and everything and her son tells her mommy I would never ask you this question but if you if you brought it up I think it's time for me to ask you know that years and years me and all the brothers we're very embarrassed we know that you have this funny habit of looking into bags what is this what is this looking into bags and the mother started crying I said you should know I never told you. But you had a brother before the war. I had a baby before the war. And when they took us to Ashitz and the Nazis in opened the doors and they was screaming ro. So me and and Tati we started we took took all the stuff and the Nazi was laughing. Vi where do you think you going? I'm going to trip you take only a few things. You can't take everything. So what we did is we took two bags in one bag we put in few schmatas whatever clothing and the other bag we put in the newborn baby and we ran to the trains and when we came to the train the Nazi standing over here by the train says no no no you don't take two bags only one bag one bag you leave here and one bag you take so I left the bag with all the and with a baby I enter the train and such noises with ths with everything what happened there. The train closed. I look into the bag. Ouch. I left the baby out and I took the schmatas and I started screaming. The baby was baby when baby the train left and never again I saw that baby. And through today I still have this mishas in my head. Maybe one day I'm going to open a bag and I'm going to find a baby there. ain't going to happen. But that's it. That's my It's a very painful story. Very painful story. We can't imagine what this means. We don't Holocaust is all about how many stories we hear. We don't really But that pain of giving up a baby and taking a bag of schmatas is crazy. But if you think that the pain is only that mother, we have a big mistake. The story is happening every day. How many times we have parents and giving up they're going to throw away the baby and take some schmatas and they don't one day going to be on the train. What did I do? How did I give up a baby and I took schmatas? How did I give up minutes that I could have give for my children? I could have learned with them. I could have studied with them something. could have just listen to them. Be with them. Listen what they have to say instead what we do. Okay. Sh. Okay. Okay. Okay. Go. Go to play. Listen. You know why we bought you this whole thing? Because of that. I don't want to hear anything. None of the I had my chance. I was already a child. I know all the stories. The of enough. I woke up from this already. Or we could take minutes and sit with the children and take everything away. Today it's such a world of distraction and then a sign is so much bigger. So the skar is so much bigger. There's so many ways to be distracted in a second and we can leave this old aside and I want to listen to my child. I want to hear how the how his day was. I want to validate everything that he says. I want to be together with him. I I don't know if if there's people following my shan my the recent sh I gave two weeks ago said there story there was a schlime he was of a seeking heat every morning stood up the seek went to the he came home after the nets had a little breakfast went to sleep and 9:00 he woke up and going went to work he had this mic every day at 9:00 few minutes before 9:00 when the bus. The school bus comes to pick up the children. He had his daily hug that he gave for all his children with a kiss. One day he woke up late and he saw that he will not have the time because he had still a meeting. He still had to do a few things. So he just went into his car and went to the job. He can't be late. So there's a meeting. And the bos said, "Everybody have to come early tomorrow and ping the other to he woke up late." On his way going to the job, he gets a phone call. You see home, you know, it's not so so exciting. The phone call that says home starts right away. No, no, no. Someone told me no mas. Why? Because I was driving my car and my wife calls in and she says, "Yeah." So I started saying service. Nonetheless, you can't hear. There's no service. My wife tells me, "Yeah, yeah, but but in the background doesn't cut up. How does it work? Doesn't break up." So he gets this phone call and here it's his little boy on the phone. Tati, I'm soon going to the bus. Where are you? I'm waiting for this hug. I'm waiting for the good morning. Yeah, I'm so sorry. Today I cannot do it because I have I have the job and the meeting. I must be in the job. Okay. Okay. Bye. That's it. Today won't be any hug. But Manish a minute before the bus came suddenly the voice sees Tati's car is back and Tati went out he told him listen I I couldn't I couldn't stand this pain the way you finished the phone call hey good morning and she had a lot of years went by it was by the last of this boy the stood up and he sat his little and he thanked his parents for all the years of the and he says and if you want to ask me what is the moment that I remember from all the years and then he said this story said the story of that morning when Tati came back with his car and he gave me this hog and he told me good morning the father stood up after this and he started talking his dr and he said you know I'm thinking now as the speaks and he's saying the story I forgot the story already he reminded me I remember that day and here I'm I'm I'm thinking to myself it's about 12 or 13 years passed since then. This remembers what I did for him. How many chances is that the boss still remembers that I came late that day to the work? Zero. He doesn't remember. So look then 13 years ago by that morning what looked by me so now what must be my first I must be a time. I must BE A TIME THERE MUST BE a time. You look it's 13 14 years later. Is it still so? Nothing. No nothing happened. And the thing that I almost kicked it aside big deal I won't give this HUG FOR THIS BOY TELL HIM GOOD morning 14 years later look how he remembers it we sometime we don't do the right decision because we look for now look at the future look what is really important what is really important I know for now it's really important are you ready to give it up are you ready to give up something to be mashk a bit more in your children and to be to it sometimes there's a feeling by parents listen I pay enough that the mo should do what they have to do okay I remember I once met older older who was already 86 years old and he sat by a kdish and I know that he's diabetic and by the kdish everything cake and hairy then he took the cockish cake and toyled it into the liver combon ate told him the doctor lost pill I think every day three 23 pill for diabetes for the kidneys for this let them work sometimes there's a feeling at I pay I think that I pay enough that the whole my children is taken care of. There's this leave me alone. There's a story saying for years this story but still still the best mush to to bring it out. There was once one of the villages in Poland years ago, a few hundred years ago in the in the days of the Piritum. There was one once one of the pirates with his two servants walking around. It was a cold night and the pirates is looking around his village. He's in a good mood. He had his warm drink with a straw drinking a hot coffee. It was very He said, "You know, we have to make something something Leic in this village. We have to live up the village. I think I'm doing Let's do such a thing. You know, I have in back of my palace there's a lake, a frozen lake. It's not frozen frozen slushy. We're going to make such a thing tomorrow 1:00. Whoever's ready to swim to cross the lake swimming from neck to is going to be rewarded. Okay, good idea. While what's going to be the reward? The pirate thinks, you know what? I'm ready even to give my daughter for a color to THIS PERSON. WOW. YEAH. OKAY. What else? And there's only one choice. A few choices. The other choice is he gets a full cr for free. I'm giving away a whole a whole kichma. That's it. A whole bar. How say bar? A cr we could say in English you say a crunchman. Then the third option is going to be 50,000 rugles. Wow. They honk signs the whole village tomorrow 1:00. Whoever is ready to swim across the lake in this slushy situation. 10 or three vatas. Well, 1:00 everybody is there. The whole village is there. People have tried to get into this lake. No, you can't. You can't. It's cold. Of course, freezing. There's no way you can do it. And the king, the the pirate says, "Listen, it's from 1 to 115. If by 115 nobody does it, it's over. Game is over. It's 105 110." Everybody tries. Doesn't work. Finally, the very last second, it's 114 55. Splash! Someone is in the water and he's swinging. Woo! Everybody's looking, who is this guy? They're waiting to see him coming out the other side. There's an old person, 91 years old, coming out and everybody's over there, big the big news channels, everybody with the with the mics, with the brooms, with the with the maps. Wow, you made it. Congratulations. So, [snorts] you don't need the the door the daughter from the birth. Yeah, you're 91. Yeah. Probably want the crates to drink a little bit. No, no, no crates. No daughter, no nothing. Ah, the rubles. Eh, no rubles. I want only one thing. I want to know who pushed me in. Who was that pushed me in? Rabbi, you had a pirates that promised all the in the world the daughter [snorts] 50,000 rubles a if it's cold, if it's frozen, nobody will jump into the lake unless someone will push you in. What are a bane doing all day in there must before the children how good it's to be a yid all the yid has said let's face it generation today we are in a cold cold generation we're not in slush we slush almost ice all the way the only way children should want to jump into this lake is only if there is parents in the house that are pushing them in to do it without the parents won't work will never work. [snorts] A child that doesn't get this push at home go to be aid and he doesn't feel in the house the environment the yiddishkite environment in the house the can't tell him anything and [snorts] how do we bring it into our children how do we bring it in we should know we're in in a very we're in such a goddess today I once heard a word there's a posi as hem Save me like the apple of English. The black apple of the eye. The what? The eye. Exactly. So he asks from Hashem. So why does he have to give for for Hashem an example? Look up look look out on me like something [snorts] else. Why? Hashem doesn't understand. And he's going to say is that enough? But in the same way that a person gets acting that's the way he should why why do you need this example? We all know that it's a very thing. Not more children to get a glit. Yeah. Glit was a nice thing. A gllet. When you're a little ch child, you came to your father to your grandfather. Oh sh a glitter or something. Ah, makes you feel so good. So I still had malum that I used to give glad but on a speed wasn't that it wait like times three. And this is a glad that hurts. So we know anaki glut like this is a very good feeling. A patch is not the best feeling. It could be in the face. It could be in the back and every place. A good pat in the back is gishmak zets is not so good. There's one place in your body where the gllet and the pouch hurts the same is by ishing bas. Never gllet someone else or yourself by the ish and bas. You don't want a glut there. over there the glutath and the patch is the same hurtful you don't touch ishan and basik tells us a thing here you should know that in golus there's going to be two types of goism there's going to be the go when literally a hits a jew it's very painful it's very painful and we ask hashem that this antise-mitism that's growing and growing should stop already we should be negal of this thing but there's something ex Staying painful like this patch is when the gives us a glitz. A glit from a is not less painful and not le not less hurtful than a patch of a When the when the laughs to us and he's good to us and our children can be exposed to [clears throat] any any it's even more painful than a and we ask Isha and Basan we're asking of our children like isha and we shouldn't have a shy with the not only apart from them mainly a glut of the goi it sound we have to be very very open it's a it's a world of exposion and the the the world laughs to our children they smile to our children they have everything everything is accessible everything and we have to fight this battle and we can't fight this battle if we don't take the same. I spoke to the Friday night. We had a shabas now. So I told him I once spoke with he told me we always have to see what the enemy does in order to know how you fight with him. So we know 100 years ago who was our enemy scholar. What was a scholar? Scholar was scholar. Knowledge. What is a scholar? Knowledge. They had books. They had literature. They had a lot of a lot of stuff. So the way to fight with this was let's think the opposite today the is not is that today is pleasure pleasure enjoy yourself enjoy yourself enjoyment enjoyment enjoyment the only way to fight today pleasure is let's give to our children yiddish pleasure let's make a shab is the most pleasure thing in the world every mitzah should go with pleasure everything that we do should go pleasure. Everything that every yiddish that we speak should come with a I always say this that you know when going to put in in a computer a song a song put on the computer a file that has a song it takes a lot of a lot of memory you take a lot of memory a song when you put in words it's not a lot yeah I think you could put in a file with few millions of words it wouldn't weigh So much memory in your computer in one song. Song is a lot of memory. So let's see by us. How many songs do we memorize by heart? That's a funny question because you can't even start to count. You know how many songs you know? You memorize so many songs. Every has minimum 150 songs. And then you know the songs from your cries from your old songs and also from the other and also you know the songs sing the song from this also this you know and it's not the way it goes and I want have a b of a cousin when I sing in front of he wants TO KILL ME. NO way the kids it's push how many telephone numbers you memorize not even yourselves nothing we don't remember any how could I remember my phone number I don't remember it who knows numbers today so it's so interesting in a computer you could put in millions and millions of phone numbers and the memory wouldn't even budge one song is going to take so much memory how ahead it's just the opposite We can memorize songs and songs and songs and phone numbers we can memorize. So the teriz is very simple by a computer a song and a phone number is the same thing. Phone number has a certain megabyte. How much the song the how much this phone number is and what is a song? Thousands of those megabytes uh uh [laughter] by us a song is an experience. It's an emotional experience. It's not a Nobody taught themselves a song. Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh. Oh, now I have it. No, it's you're going into Exactly. Okay, it's taking me to a certain place says [clears throat] he says when I was a childish in our house wasn't all about commands all the time. Okay, sit down, stand up, go everybody sit down, sit down. We we could bring in Yiddish kite in gigs and and we could put in a so we could put in an emotion to everything. Everything in Yiddish got in the house should be it should be it should be we should feel the atmosphere. Ah is coming next week. Let's start getting excited in the house about this. Not only about the cheesecake but say we don't have to say to show I want to tell you one thing is coming. No no no no no say to yourself to yourself to yourself we make this ah in the house we're not what we're doing we are creating an atmosphere in the house of vent of kite and this is what the children will remember when they feel the pleasure of hidd when they will feel the this'll never let go and I'm not talking only about chabas people say okay so so shabas y is covered listen between me and you there's a lot of stuff in you describe is a little bit hard. You know, there's a lot of and you can't do this, you can't do that. How do you bring in in your child the gishmak of a is the gishmak of a noah it's it's a challenge people will say listen that's is balanced there's the part the bitter part of yidish yeah you can't do this you can't do that but listen the other side it's balanced but there also of it's not true we can bring in such a in a together how you do I push it to mush. So, we have a president, a nice guy. His name is Trump. He's my competition. He does much more comedy than me. But Trump, he's very, one of his very big issues is immigrants. And we have in New York, we have a big I don't know till today if the wall, the Mexico wall was built already or not. There's two things I'll never figure out. if the war in Iran ended already or mish ended another five minutes or the in the wall of Mexico I know if it happened or didn't happen but there's a wall in Mexico where that officially he made a border Mexico and New York cannot be together that's it it's over and any Mexican with we find out I call it amigoi you know That's it. Mexico and America has a wall. So side, let's think together something. There's a boy, a little boy, an American boy. He's growing up in the house of a proud American. He lives somewhere in the States, a real Republican. He has this big American flag on his house, on his car, on his basement, everywhere. Proud we stand. We are Americans. We yeah this every the morning he's waking up his madan is the constitution and he's [snorts] fully here and one day his child asks him papa yeah why is there a wall between Mexico and America so what is this American father explaining to his child why is there a wall oh my son so happy you asked this question s so I got to tell you we are Americans we are proud Americans and we don't want that these cheap Mexicans should enter America. We won't want them here. They're not welcome. We have America. We have a good economy. We're the best. We're the greatest. We're the biggest. Says all the Trump says every day. And we don't want these Mexican nothings. This should enter this place. We have a wall. All the Mexicans, please stay where you are. Don't enter. Okay, let's close the wall. We're now in Mexico. This little Mexican boy read the newspaper that there's a wall between Mexico and America. And he gets to his father. His father is smaller than him. No, they say that in the whole Mexico there's not even one Luna park. Why? Because anybody anybody doesn't reach the you know for sure you make it. So he goes to his father. Hello papa. Yeah. Why the wall Mexico wall Mexico America? So now what is the Mexican father telling to his son? Probably the same thing. No, we are proud Mexican. We don't want these cheap American coming to us. Yeah. No, it's a whole different speech. Listen, son. Let me tell you the truth. We are getting where you born in Mexico. Everything is over there America and America don't want we should go over there. You understand? So, we're stuck. We're stuck. But listen, son. Maybe one day you're going to be older and smarter than papa. You're going to crawl under the gate or go over you. You you you'll find your way to get out of here. Please, please do me. It's going to be my biggest pride. If I hear you cross the wall, same wall, same border. And listen what the American father tells to his son and what the Mexican father tells to his son. Everybody says something else. So let's be very clear. The toy has a lot of borders. The toy has a lot of walls. There's a lot of yog. This you can't do. This you can't see. This you can't hear. This you can't talk. But it's our obligation to be me with children that we are on the American side and not on the Mexican side. We could bring this this negative atmosphere in his house that yep. We're Jewish. We can't do anything. Listen, that's it. What can we do? We're Jewish. That's it. Next time get born to another family. As long as you're here, you're Jewish. Sorry. You have to understand the moist doesn't let and you you want to be right. That's it. That's it. Tati is cracking. Mommy's cracking all cracking. And basically the son hears and thought the Tati's words. If you're going to be old enough or smart enough, just crawl by this wall and you know that's it. It's our to show the children we are on the American side. You know, you know why there's walls around the toilet. You know why? Because we don't want them to come into us. Not we don't want we should go there. No, we want to be protected. We want to be protected. I once went a tour in Italy and the tour guide showed us a mansion big wall with Bob Wise who was in and watchtowers and everything and he's explaining us here was the palace of king of king Fernando the 22nd whatever he said whatever he wants and we were looking wow happy pictures so here he lived yeah two blocks later again the same thing big shutter big wall big wall bobwires And I tell them what's wrong. The the the king's brother had here says no, no, no. Here was the jail. Here was the jail. Looks the same. Same thing. Same walls, same towers. But we say in Israel here, two two blocks away live the king. And we wanted the king should be respectful. He can't stumb be in the streets and the should be protected. Not every schnut and schle should come to his house. He had a wall around and everything was closed up. Why? It's a king here. Here was the place where they punished people. They put them in. You can't go nowhere. With baba is the same thing, but it's a whole different meaning. We can look at the toy as something such a jail sneez. Oh, how many restrictions? Not this, not that. Stop it. And what do we do? Once we look on either side of this, we're always going to look for Heather. No this is m this is mh now one down and this you have to ask not the local rabbi I'm telling there's a ro in Detroit that he is m this oh so we got another hatter and finally we we could be at the end of the day we could be everything I once as can you imagine if one day in your life hashem says today you can do whatever you want but what you do those day this day SO DON'T ASK DON'T ask me don't even look at If we feel that yishk is all about being restricted and I feel your pain but we can look at it the right way. What is the what is the truth? The truth is that we were to become the and due to that we can't do all this stuff. We have to be protected. It's our pride that we're to do this and if this is the atmosphere at home and we for the but you really want to be our the go that's a life and you bring this into the house there's no problem to say for a boy no sometimes people confuse they think that loving the children means giving in for children it's such a mistake it's not loving mom is the opposite giving in everything for a child whatever the Yeah, at least today's generation. A child wants to hear no. A child enjoys to hear a no. Nobody's fighting with me. He enjoys fighting as well, but he wants to hear no. He wants to hear no. Think he wants to hear yes. I once said this 20 years ago, can you imagine there's a school taking a whole a whole class for a trip? >> [snorts] >> So, I don't know which towers you have here in LA, but in Manhattan, you say Empire State Building. You say Twin Towers, but Empire State Building, you take the whole class to the roof of the Empire State Building. [snorts] So, if it's a class of younger children, they're going to step stand by the elevator and be frightened to go out. They can't look at it. It's so it's so spooky to look at such can't they can't see such a height. You have the older boys. Yeah, no problem. Oh, then you have the 16 70 year olds. You take a whole group up, they right away run to the wall and they're starting to shake the c THE FENCE ALL TOGETHER. LET'S SHAKE IT. LET'S SHAKE IT. Come on, let's break it. Can [snorts] you imagine when these bakam stand up there and they're shaking the shaking the fence? All of a sudden here, do you think one b GOING TO STAND? YEAH, WE MADE IT. IN a second, nobody is there anymore. They all run away. So why were they shaking it? Because they were so convinced that this gate is strong enough that they can shake it. But once they feel that this gate, this fence can break then the sham is in their heads. When we see sometimes our children are no no you know why he does it because he is expecting from you and you should be strong enough to tell don't do that. When we give in you make him unsafe. think think oh I love him you know he wants it so much take it no way but you see he begs it for he begs he begs for it because he wants to see you strong it's just the opposite he wants to see you strong so what's never I'm not allowed to give maybe you're allowed to you can do it with a set of rules when doesn't have to be now why not teach our children you don't have to get everything right away we're in such a crazy generation everything is in in the way at a at your at your home in 2 minutes. You downloading, charging. The only way what a boy can hear today, you don't have to have it right away is in the house. Okay. Okay. We're going to buy it. Not now. Not now. Not Not now. They say the word that the father uses the most whole time. It's it's it's it's so simple. We sometime we have such a mistake with it. And I I meet fathers they do this mistake again and again. So he asked me I gave it to him. So no why he wants a strong father. He wants a strong mother. He wants to hear a no. Nothing happened. And he's allowed to hear a pak. Nothing happened. Nothing. Yeah. He's allowed here is upsetting you. Mom is upsetting you. Don't do such a thing. And people sometimes get offended. Hey, hey, hey. That's the old that still have trauma for my grandfather. No, no, no. Nothing's traumatic. Everything is very normal. There was a story by in by the when he came to America. There was once one of the rabbis, he had a shul and he came into the riats and he told to the riats that he's a rabbi in a shul but he's planning to give up this whole rabonus. Why? He said, "Rabbi, nobody's home. I'm talking dashes about sneers about shabas about too they do whatever they want they eat trade for the I'm telling you I'm see good rushes I'm banging on the beam and I'm screaming nothing is happening that's it so they should look for other of them with you in the spa in the call today said yeah in Aitz is lash master. Yeah. A shitz is a person aer. He has a bas a broom and and he gives p and it's amazing. He gives a patch. A person stands with it. Ah, another one. Another one. Ah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No more. Yeah. Here. Oh, that's again. Again. Ah. Can you imagine the same story in middle of 13th Avenue? Person walks. Someone comes with their boom. Boom. I want to see one person say ah good. So are you crazy? So I can't understand in the do it and here you can't do it. Very simple. Well you bring you in in a warm place. It's avitz. It's a place where a person wants the warmth and he enjoys the warmth and you come and you give him a bang. He says thank you. Give me another one. But if it's in a cold place in the middle of the street, who are you to touch me? What are you doing? So the yats asked this I hear you give you this. Do you bring in some gishmak also? Do you make a kan party for the for the congregation? No. No. Why should I do it? The average in the morning a breakfast for them. No. Do you have any gathering? No. Who are you to tell them is if you're going to bring in var to them and you're going to show them you care for them and you want to help them then you're going to see this they want to hear more when our children feel real love they feel we care for them and we here for them the whole time there a lot of hair sometimes we don't have to be so afraid a lot of a lot of hair sometimes and when you're angry nothing again to get to be lost and no to tell a child he can't do such a thing. Yes. Yes. You have to hear this side to conclude one we have our children in the mus here to spend with so many teachers in this shabas what should I tell you I never knew what allay is all about I was never here and it's amazing it's amazing you have malum devoted malum that mamish they look to be better they want it's amazing what I saw this shabus One of the worst things we could do for a child is to show that we are not on the same page with a it's we have to know never to show a child we're not on the same page with the with even though we feel and we think that the is not right with it what they did. You have sometimes a boy comes home you know what told me today he told me this and this and this. Yes. Just make this. That's what he told you. Let me go. Let me make cold. You know the boy feels like billion dollars. Wow. I'm so protected. In his head, he sees a picture how tomorrow Tati and mommy comes in, take the mama by the nose. They pick him up and they kick him out of his school. He feels so good. And tomorrow comes same Rebi. Nothing happened. You made him a very good feeling but we don't have the damage we did now. He feels now a conflict in it. He knows he has in his in his in his life he has a strong timi and the strong kar and these two strong poles are in conflict. What happens to this child? He's getting complicated and it's it's only disturbing him. We should never say this to a child even though we're really upset. Sometimes you could be upset. The Rebi says the principle is such a thing. I hear what you say. I hear I understand your pain. I know I I know I I feel your pain. I understand you that you feel tat is going to talk to them. Honestly, doesn't look like the Rebi want to make such a mistake. No, no, no. I have to hear the whole story. But I'm telling you that I understand you. I understand you. We can understand. We can validate. But you we don't have to cover this to give him the feeling that the does not know we should never do this. And sometimes we have to go a little tough with a child. Let's say that you called the Rebi and Rebi said yes it's a big problem. We have to I don't know whatever for example he can't come to the class tomorrow. That's it. I don't know if there's such a thing here but let's say whatever. Yeah. And we can take this as an opportunity to teach the child such a good lesson now and I'm going to give you emotion for it. Everybody remembers when we were little children, [snorts] mommy used to take us to a store. Mommy used to take us to a bakery. Mommy used to take us one day mommy told us tomorrow we going to a dentist. We didn't even know what a dentist is all about. But if mommy if mommy's taking us it's probably fun. And we come into the dentist only the smell in the waiting room even if you're only 2 years old it tells you no run for your life. It's I don't know what every dentist is at the same time. How they created that smell that should give you fear. You come but it was in the way it was quiet. You summi and whatever it was fun. Okay. Suddenly they say the name uh Schwarz come in and this little English goes with mommy together. They come into a room and this a seat that goes like this [snorts] very very frightening something is but mommy's with me it's okay not afraid and here there's a dentist that tells for the hello good morning and first of all he starts with it's not going to hurt and this 2-year-old doesn't understand why should it It's okay. >> Okay. Suddenly the boy sees this dentist putting a mask, flashlight, something gets very very frightening here and puts him in the chair and the chair starts going okay. I remember always with a chair and the dentist looks over till the clouds it won't end this journey and it's like very frightening but the boy is like skeptical but mommy is here suddenly the boy cups it's trouble and he starts crying and here comes the surprise instead mommy should be on his side no mommy ganged up together with the dentist and we start to fight with the child no I want to go home I want to GO HOME AND THE DOCTOR SAYS TO mommy if won't hold this boy. Can't do that. And this voyer mommy that always protects from all cups [snorts] this boy, grabs his hand. No, he can't move till the doctor is done. And this 2-year-old boy can't understand what happened here. Why is mommy not on my team? Why did she go to the other team? What happened? Why is why is she standing with the enemy? When we grow older, we understand there's no teams, there's no nothing. You and mommy and the dentist together are against the cavity. There's no teams here. There's no teams. What keep when when we can explain for a boy sometimes if there's some trouble in I want you to understand nobody's against you. Nobody's against you. It's me Tati and mommy and the rebi and the principal and yourself. We're all against your who are against that cavity. This what? It's not you. It's a cavity. It's not you. You're you're a sadic. You're not a troublemaker. You're a good boy that bit trouble. But you're not a troublemaker. Let's not label you as a troublemaker. You're a sadic. You're we love you. But this what you did yesterday was a cavity. And let's fight the cavity. And if we could bring in this message and the boy understands it, they can understand it. It's totally different. I'm going to be Messiah. of a story. It's maybe famous the story but I think if you want to be if you want to be this whole it's [snorts] a story that once said years ago there was a in that had a trip they had a trip it was for for the grades let's say 6 7 8 9th grade they had two buses they had two buses the sixth seventh grade and the eth 9th grade. They came to the park even though that the principal called a few days before and they made sure that the park should be it was a water park that should any be any other school than together with them the ma they came there was a a girl school over there together with it won't work I think the mic worked enough for today you could do it without Yeah. So they come to the park and they see that's the situation. So what can we do? So the Rebies are calling the manal was in. So the Rebies called the manal and they told them we're here with the boys in the park. There's no way we can't let boys water park in such a situation. So the mal the manal said for the boys for the rebies listening. He spoke to the people over there in the park. Yes. Nobody's home. That's it. Okay. All the children back to the buses and we go back to that's it them say for the boys boys back to the bus we're going back to school the boys are back in the bus you will never want not in this guil next guild will be a mhammed than those minutes on the way back in a few minute in a few minutes the negativity [clears throat] they did the da yet Always you know my father already learned in this and they told me that he remembers they did the same thing to his father. Whenever the has a trip and go wrong the malam they have a button they make detach rain this day everything should go south. There was one boy [snorts] on the bus the older bus that took the mic. He asked the rabbis if he could take the mic and the rabbis are not sure to give him the mic. Not give him the mic. Whatever. He was a royal England. But they tell him no negativity. No, no, no, no. I want to say something. He took the mic and he's starting with a whole enthusiasm. Boys, do you know why we are going back now to only because one reason it's not the man? It's not the rabbits. It's nothing. It's the And that's the reason why we're going back. So you know boys, we are now being the biggest that could be serving with this that we cannot enjoy ourselves. So boys, it's such an amazing moment and let me teach you a song. The word and I'm going to teach you a song. And he started singing the famous but in two minutes he had a whole boss singing with him together till they arrived to the malam were shocked. What is going on here? They arrived to the mal go down the boss and the other boss the younger boss comes to the malam go and the older malam want to go to the younger malam to tell them the story that they had of the boss. Before they start talking, the two malam from the younger bus say exactly the same story that happened there bus. There was a boy that stood up and they said, "Boys, we have to sing au." Who was that boy? A younger brother. Two brothers from the same family both in the same in other buses did the same thing. The malam was shooken up. They went to the manal. They told the manal the story. The said, "I'm making a phone call right away to the parents." So the phone starts to ring. They look at the ID. Yeshiva is this. You know what happens when when Yeah. You say yeshiva's the father says, "Mommy, take this phone call." But Tati, I can't I can't deal with it. I'm here for backup. If it's [snorts] getting heated, I'm going to come on the freeway call. And he runs to Madish. But if they pick up the phone and the man starts yes hello this is the man from the nothing happened everything is okay it's a call [sighs and gasps] and the tells the father the whole story that happened now the boss au and the father's thanking him thank you so much for this nakas call it's amazing thanks thanks so so nice of you to tell us the story anyway should have nakas of your children no no no no before you hang What's the recipe? Something happened here. It looks like it's orchestrated. Something happened. It's It's a conspiracy. This story can be true. It's too good to be true. I I just I I just live with it. How did it happen? So the father said, "No, nothing there." No, no, no. There is a story behind it. So the father told the manal that a half a year ago, they were in the time that they were preparing for a family. So the mother she heard that in Ramadan next to Benra there's a store for very cheap clothing they could buy for the house and the clothing for mish half price it was a very hot summer day the mother went with the children there to buy some stuff was very hot day they finished buying they had to take a boss back to it was so hot the the they asked for mommy mommy maybe you could go buy a gida before go ice cream yeah sure why not they went to the store. They bought gleot and we got in the bus, not into the bus. But the last minute before mommy opened up, she looked to make sure that it's it's our cash. She looks no says we cannot eat it. Sorry. Sorry. It's not the it's not the ice cream that we eat. What do you mean? It's so hot. So sorry. So sorry. What can we do? But mommy, you don't understand. It's hot. I promise you, we come home, I open the freezer. I put you all into the freezer. You can be in there as long as you want. But now we cannot eat this. And that's it. Okay. Nish is nished. We came home and I came home later from work and my mother and and the mother Yeah. My wife told me the whole story that uh the boys and I tell her. So that's that's all that happened. I told them no, I'm finished. So yeah, what what else should I do? They came home. They drank. They drank water. Yeah. Everything that was everything is fine. No, no, no. You can't do that. We have to celebrate this. I told all my children, boys, we're going to the supermarket. We don't father go, let's go to a supermarket. Like wow, we're going to to the United States. Why? We're going to buy something. What? Whatever you want. What? Whatever we want. Yes. Come, let's buy Nash. But Tati, it's not Friday. It's not the cover chabas. It's only Monday. Come, let's go. And they came to the supermarket and they bought whatever n they wanted. They came home. Tati said, "All kind white shirts. Go change to white shirts." White shirts. Yeah. They put a tablecloth, two candles and the whole this we're going to celebrate the gald keshm that happened today and I told my children you should know that today happened the very very big keshm there were a few boys that were after a few hours it was hot sweaty and they bought an ice cream and the last minute they saw before they start eating that's not our so they didn't eat it should know it's such a it's a regularly yumpt of up there Now we have to celebrate it and that's why we're here. And cover the celebration. Let me teach you a song. And then I told them the song. And I told my children by the end of that of that party, you should know that in your life, you're going to have this more than one time. You're going to have these challenges again and again and again. You're going to have so many. It will always be comfort, pleasure, enjoyment versus and it's going to be your choice to decide what you're going to do and how you're going to approach it. There's going to be a way to say, "Okay, forget it." So, so I'm Jewish. So, I'm Jewish. That's it. That's it. Tough luck. Or it could be au it could be a volcano. And I'm asking you children whenever you're going to have such a such a type of remember it's and that was a story heard the story from the said I have to be if the story is true do me a favor give me the number of this father I want to talk to himself called up this father to ask if the story is true and the father told him it has a little it has already a little he a little a little continuation story. Lately, we went to visit uh a tant she's not so but we went to a a ant. And my boys know that the kashras in their house is not so good. So the tant gave for my little maidel from three years old a candy. And the maidel takes a candy and he comes over to my wife and he asks, "Mommy, listen to the shallah. Is this cusher or this is a is this kosher or this is au? We have a new language at home. Nothing is post." No, it's au. It's either kosher, either au either we can eat it. Either we have the better choice. If we could bring this in our houses that will hopefully and a woman. Amen.