Rabbi Avi Neuberger Shovavim Lecture - Shmiras Einayim in the Digital Age at Bais Medrash Ohr Chaim

okay good evening um so uh the topic is uh how to appear here for I in a digital age so um this topic something I spoke about sh the last couple of years but this specific sh a digital age so I said how do you prepare for such a speech you obviously you have to prepare with uh with with technology so uh my Microsoft Word now somehow has something called co-pilot which is the AI application and you just thought Microsoft Word you could put in whatever you want and they'll write a speech for you so um so I put in I said make a make a speech about in the rabbi y y Jacobson style I figured if I'm speaking sh this this is the way to do it on the spot it came up with for for very very disheartening I a page in have Dasha about what he would say um with three differentes quot says where your thoughts are is is that where you are this profound wisdom teaches us that our sights direct our thoughts and our thoughts shape our reality M right away uh R why why Jacobson D um but then but then I said listen has to start with a joke so I I asked I the make it give me a joke they have no idea they thing was just turning turning after two minutes it saids no jokes they can't think joke you imagine e even AI can think joke not a j it's not a joke yeah it's a serious topic um okay so last year we spoke about in the context of of and um that should be a different topic but I just want to stress one inion from uh from last year U cuz it a a different angle came up over the course of this year and I think it's very important I was want I always try to stress this idea um so I I guess let the secret out of the bag I'm the Rob mishak magazine I'm on the rical board of the of mishak Magazine For Better or For Worse and um so I get to read a lot of fascinating articles some of them by me most boring ones by everybody else and um there was a fascinating article by a lady Allison Joseph Allison Joseph is a she's a b and she uh her her Z started out anyways that she tries to sell yishai to the Fri world and to the secular world to show that it's a beautiful religion because there the the way it's depicted in the Press is very oppressive and very backwards and very you who knows what uh uh you know not not modern and and crazy ideas and oppressive so she tries to depict and she does a beautiful job of depicting yish in a very positive manner um from that her organization changed into something called Project M where there's people who are going off and there was an organization you can't say the Bas matter an organization that helps people who are cish become fry organization and that's a a non for profit that's what they do they help them secularize and become part of the gelt so she made an organization called project mom which is a place where if you're not if you don't want to be be you I mean the liter may not be but we're still Orthodox you know so so she no she she helps that ex that become still be sh M and see the beauty of yish even though you don't want to be per anyways but in that article she says that almost every person that she came across uh leaving the the otd or people on the way off NE had suffered from something that she called um insecure attachment or emotionally absent mother basically which she M about is that there's a somebody wrote a book about this some secular writer wrote a book about this that the people that go up to D are people who did not have a warm and open relationship with their mother and therefore they uh whatever happened um whatever happened to them whatever traa they had was Amplified and exaggerated by the fact that they didn't have a mother that were close to and that's then she's m about that and of course the whole because it's as if you know people the want blaming the mother and she said I'm not blaming anybody I'm just saying if that if you have that sh it would work that's that was the whole thing and it seems to was yes what I want to just reiterate from last year is that and I feel this very strong and I always try to try to any form like an open form like can say I try to say it is that my herish is that the the from a father perspective and especially is very often much more in by boys than by girls um social media might be by girls than by boys but by but I was maybe more by boys but the protection the best protection you can have for your kids is developing a very vable relationship with with your sons and with your children meaning that it's not about loving your children anybody who's normal loves his children you have to be m not to love your child it's about liking your child about enjoying their presence about sharing with them that like if you see hear a good joke so who do you want to share with you want to share with the guy in school you want to share with with your friend no you should want to share it with your kid you have to make your relationship with your kid as one of friendship one of Vite one of acceptance and validity and it's not about learning with your kid in fact learning with your kid very often undoes and ruins the relationship I would think that the best part of is not the learning is theing you want to learn learn but sit with your kid how of do you sit with your kid for an hour not not to often and and very when fighting with the kid all time it's like because because it's very noisy and it's distracting and it's m it's not die just smooth with the kid have a good time tell him the story The the relationship the Ty will come from Yesa that's that's that's their business you we outsourced our our and they do a very good job but what is what they can't replace is the relationship that you have with your child so one get opportunity but I don't mean specifically over I'm saying finding just a relationship a open relationship like a friendly open relationship if you saw everybody has a cute clip on their phone they want to show it to the wife to the friend show it to your kid every kid has a p a perspective and there's nothing more validating than having a real relationship with your child I think I may said L I'll say it again because it's such a such a strong I once said this over in another forum and a guy told me that he grew up with a alter europeia father and you know very uh removed and you know the old European style the way it was and um he said that the most warm reminiscent nostalgic feeling he had when he thinks back to his child is was one time he was sitting by by the by the dining table and his father was crying and his like know he's nervous crying almost crying and his father showed him I don't know what I'm going to do I lost my job I don't know what I'm going to do and he said that moment you think very scary his father have a job what's going to be he said so valid he felt so validated by his father because his father was sharing with him his own personal vulnerability his old concern he was talking like a friend like somebody he cares about he wants to his opinion that was very very powerful and establishing the relationship between the father and son and again so just that's always um a very very strong that she says that Al talking about mothers mother I'm a father but I do know as a father the most important thing that somebody could possibly do is establish a warm accepting friendly friendly relationship with with your kid that you want you like them you like your child you like your son you like your you want to spend time with them that is the most powerful SME that can any that can ever happen because all this when in this digital era it's all over the place it's constant and unless it's coming from an eternal place of I'm okay and I'm confident and I'm valid and I'm then you won't have the power to you the the strength of will to to push back against all against everything that Society is is selling you so I think that's the first Al B the AL is that to develop that very powerful relationship with your child um okay now that's one thing okay another thing I want to talk about is that um like again something I didn't speak about in the P about how how uh the digital era affects us in a negative way is when it comes to daving um so there's the balat the balat talks about um I guess this is this is R Jon without the without uh without co-pilot no um he says that sometimes people feel that they most challenged when it comes to here and so forth when it comes to daving they come to DAV and then the come in their mind he says don't think about them jumping head have to be happy and he says that the reason why one when one is ding might come into his mind is because people are wrestling together if one guy is wrestling you with power then the opponents m matches the opponent's uh effort um so when you're trying to connect it's like you you play basketball a guy against doesn't try you can't try hard you play basketball against a guy who's trying hard then you'll try harder and the same thing happens when when you're trying to D you're trying to connect to that's for what's and don't feel bad about that means the very fact that it's when you're trying to D is the biggest r that the realizes that you're about to do something very special that's why he feels the need to throw the in your mind but I just want to say how that's particularly relevant in the digital era like this um a famous G the G says that at what point did Nas stop when did we stop having prophecy within K Isel at the beginning of the second bias at the end of the first bias beginning of second bias that's when that's when the viim stopped period That's when stopped he said it's the same period when stopped a famous that says that there was this tremendous for and felt that it was so overwhelmed they had to they had to DAV that it to stop and the same time stopped that's the same time that the stopped was so ra says because because that happened that's why also that's why they were so I just want to give like a h to all of this to to to this uh to these the B the bit of Nas and also the the um the the the establishment of of it's like this the r says that we there somebody uh we somebody experience Nas you don't see it if you look it's not a physical thing you don't look around and see Mal talking to you that's not nas is so you don't smell it you don't speak so where's we in a person's existence is does a person see he says it's the of the imagination that's where thei that's where talks to you that's where a person feels uh uh feels in model that's that's he feels in through there so the question is um second now AAR when we look atar we think this is the most bizarre strange thing ever How Could You POS possibly make an and say that you you're my God you made you know that you yourself fashioned this and now you're believing that this thing that you yourself made became your God it's like bizarre so weird and and the tells us that that that Masha came to one of them in a dream and he said that if you would have been there you would have picked up your codes and your Co would have run like crazy what's this does make any sense we look at as but obviously it was a it was tremendous T that to do it so what does it mean so they and they and they took down the tar but let me ask you something when it comes to when it comes to advertising Madison Avenue so how does Madison Avenue work they make free associations and because of those associations the Mind somehow tells you that a certain product is K why because if you have LeBron James drinking Pepsi and everybody knows LeBron James is Su successful guy and he's drinking Pepsi you have to drink pep now you know that's ridiculous there's no con there's no connection at all like so why does it work but they wouldn't pay him millions of dollars to wear his sneakers or to drink Psy if not for the fact that it Mish works but how does it work doesn't make any sense you know it doesn't make any sense but it seems like that the way the mind works is that it makes an association that once you see a successful person together with a certain product you can't you can't disassociate it and it's so SL that it generates sales for they spend they spend billions of dollars on on advertisement these these things that don't make any sense nevertheless work there used to be an advertisement um way back you can take um Salem out of the country but you can't take the country out of Salem there was there was a cigarette called men Salem you can't and and is because they they had they had a picture of of a guy smoking Menthol Salems in the country so you could take Salem out of the country but you can't take country out of Salem and they're right because if you saw a guy smoking Salem in the country in your mind there's Association and you can't disassociate it that's the way we're hardwired there's Association you know P dogs they they can't you can't you can't disate it's automatic in your brain I makes no sense so as tough lock that's where it works it seems that before I'm saying this from he writes this in a book called the antidote he says like this he says that it seems that before before minimized and took away the the of imagination was so strong it was so strong that a person could put deity against godliness onto something that he himself made ice muga yeah M so it's no different than than than advertising the the of mad was so strong the mad imagination was so strong that a person could project deity onto and therefore when they when had to take that away because the same effect also took away n because also is in imagination so ifite that you we don't have the imagination with that there wouldn't be they couldn't be that's way was a TI for the the lesson the lesser of imagination took away both things it took away so that's why had to establish because like the talks about daving is nothing more or primarily than you have to before you you sit down to DAV you have to realize you have to imagine you have to use a imagination I'm talking today it's an imagination that's true but you have to you're holding a phone and it's the first time somebody ever saw somebody talking on their cell phone he's talking to a piece of plastic what's he talking to there's there's nothing attached there no wire even right but El you hear a voice on the other side so before you sit down to DAV you have to imagine that I'm talking to somebody who is listening to me I'm talking to the says this when when that you have to before you die you have to think you have to imagine that you're talking to your friend because you are you're talking to somebody who cares about you you have to put that into your brain he used to make he made up a song from those World from those words of when he go to D about made a song out of it some song but but this idea that that before you D you have to imagine in your mind that uh that that you and and since imagination was much more minimized and diminished after came around there had to be to help you out you couldn't we couldn't D without without because we didn't have that anymore because because it was minimiz interesting observation that's it's not that are better davers than than than than the ash like had once I went into one of these and he crossed his leg by daving you know he just he cross the leg was sing in the Square there and one of the out came over what do you thinking you in a restaurant over there like how me to cross your leg by D there a certain they understand what it means so it reminds me of a joke I once heard from Yer y Miller said that uh that um he that it was ay fellow who went to to be and he climbs up the climbs four steps and he opens up to and whatever and and kiss and he starts backing down the steps and he trips and he falls down and he gets up and he says if you don't want you don't want don't push me down the stairs so but it brings out the point that there's a certain natural uh that's being manifest by by and that's clearly true that that you know that it's a part of the Arab culture that that you know the is stronger that's why they say you can't negotiate with them because and is less scientific there anyway but the the is very essential for Ding and that because we have can back to to technology technology makes doing very very difficult because we used to it it it requires you have to slow down you have to stop you have to give it a minute to calm your mind down and think about you're talking to the and slowly and then you could talk to but the thing with technology is that with nothing to do with with prite the thing with technology is that it's constantly giving you the new hit the new endorphins are being triggered because there's always something curious to click on clickbait and there's always something else to keep you because something looks weird something paid whatever out brain whatever they call it you know some there's always something else to keep you excited and motivated and and and and and curious so but and obviously it's it's it's a it's a mile wide and an inch deep but Lisa there it with there uh we're training ourselves and particularly people who grew up in the digital era not to have the that's necessary that that you're not going to get an immediate it takes a while you have to slow down and you have to calm your brain and you're not we're not looking for bang bang bang bang hit we're talking about a slow thing you know and ding therefore has become very very difficult because in people in the digital age a Kaplan years ago this is before you know before the in the Jewish obser I remember I read this somewhere he says that daving is always it's difficult even it's always it's called for a reason he gives an and I think it's that's that say over he says now it's hard to imply to to to apply it but if you do it works to a degree you could apply it and that is that he says the first we know that each that for each single word if you by one word the whole the whole is is bottle um so so so he says like this he says you know he was a big Bucky in meditation he says each word for seven seconds and think about that word like a mantra like for seven seconds that's seven second a long time but he says you and you can try it if you stay on each word for seven seconds then your mind will calm down and the rest of will just go like because once you quiet all the noise and all the hyper uh hyper stimulation that's in your brain and you just on one word and so forth you go very slowly then it calms everything down then D get half d goes much easier that's I'm just saying there another another aspect that that how how how digital how the digital world has affected us negatively and there's something that we have to think about that it's making us Hy stimulated and we're not able to on what we should be on it also distracts us from giving our attention to our children obviously when you when everybody's on the phone you know I mean it's it's a cliche you go you go to a restaurant you see couples on the phone they might as well not go out all together you know it's a cliche the the degree of of distraction that that it's that it creates in our lives is is um okay well another another Kish that in the digital era that's the problem and that is that um clock um that the AI so I start speaking about you know that that you plug something the AI and the second something comes out it's it's astonishing what AI could do it's okay I I had a year ago when that was like I was first first hit the fan um I um I made a and um and my son who like who was a little bit more knowledgeable of of what was going on world of technology he plugged into AI into one of these chat things write a poem about this was a About a Boy from Lakewood who uh who got married to a girl from M and she finds out that her and he finds out that his fa with Tor so that was that now I have now in a second it pumped this out now besid being very funny but it's a it just show you like what we're dealing with listen to this oh okay in lakewood's realm aish guy with stead foot steps had W to by his days immersed in t a quest for knowledge endlessly a s after appeared from M's land the GU revered but on the day they both did wed a twist of fate a tail widespread he learned Hisar his father-in-law what strings towards quite a flaw with wide eyes he pondered confused how could it be he stood beused aish man from head to toe with strings his in Lake with hallowed holds they SCA tradition strict they set them off and inner struggle Souls debate he s he s an answer tried to relate to his rebi he made his plea explaining explaining this puzzling mystery is it permissible he sought to know in lakewood's Embrace could this group truth grow the Reby Ponder deep in thought a moment silence lesson sought then with the shuck he looked up by dear student I shall not deny though L's ways Traditions Grand let humor guide expand the land for in this twist a lesson lies to seek Harmony Truth under lies unite the Realms ofid and M with love and laughter let's decree the the Springs of t let them stay an emblem of Union Come What May for in diversity blessing sprout a colorful tapestry there's no doubt so laugh their students Embrace this change this chance let joy and unity forever dance and lakewood's realm a lesson shared the ties That Bind when laughters dared for when two War Worlds Collide with Glee Traditions Blends and souls Run free in one second to produce this thing but the but I want to point something out not only did it what humor is it that in Lakewood it's not normal to wear and that he's going to I the question was simply WR a poem about a guy from lak who with it it that that that that that it's weird to in Lakewood and that the guy's going to be uncomfortable with it and that the way to get out of it was to speak to his rebi and that his rebi should it's a stupid machine like it's it's AUM like how did this how did this happen so and like if you would have said two years ago before AI came out like what's what makes a human into a human what makes human to a human is his creativity his creativity his capacity of saying but is not that way I I I I I I went through this a little bit the the scientists who made it have no idea how this happened they all they did there was it just next word technology that that like know like when you say when you type in your phone I'm going to be home and then it suggest late because that's a normal thing that the word home I'm going to be home the next word is late that makes sense so they they put they they they plugged a lot of information in and they gave it like rewards K that if it gets to the answer F faster than it's good for the machine somehow whatever means it gets better connections and but then it figured out like not just the next word the next whole inion like the whole topic it it's like thinking like and then you have to think so what's between between being a person and being and being and being machine like it it it it it raises very existential questions about what's what's this digital interacting with the digital world has made us wonder what's what's it meant to be a mench like what's what's the point of saying a I'm I'm going to sit down and write a poem when when when when when the machine could do it better than me a million times faster like it's very it's very disturbing I mean it's it's it's cute when you see it the first time but can you imagine people who grow up at this and and realize that whatever they could do a machine could do a million times better is very disheartening it's very disheartening and and um and it's scary so like you have to like now think about like what does it mean to be a mench and what does it mean to be a and why we here for because like like what's thees like what could we do that a machine can't do so obviously the one thing is empathy I imagine that a few that and they might be able to talk machine can talk in empathetic language but they can't really feel empathy maybe I hope and but but but I think but I think the main thing is and this and and and and it's scary but it really I think what it comes down to is that we do a lot of what we do we do we do it because it's and it's we'll learn come with you know a sense of fulfillment and you know eventually we'll come to but we're here for a reason we're here to be through and and the only way the only way we could do that and and to grow as people and to listen to and the cre the Creator should be similar to that which you created and we have to do things and because of this technology we have to get to earlier because the fal motivations are falling away the fal motivations of of feeling good about myself those are going to fall away quicker because of the fact that a machine could do it better than you so it's it's for us to do things much more because the the of satisfaction are becoming under assault let's say it that way it's become we have to work on being better to be better hidden because the of feeling Gish and feeling satisfied and those things you know those things are falling away so like what what can make you feel satisfied the real stuff sh has to be something that more focused in our mind because the because the has taken a big hit with this Ai and and it's a problem it's like something that we have to we have to deal with um okay I have another couple of minutes I just want to um um talk about the fact that Lisa when it comes to in when it comes to of technology and it come to we we're going to fail it's you know it's we're doomed to failure this this whole Su we're doomed to failure and it's it's not otherwise because there's nobody in CL Isel from top to bottom that's not going to struggle with this from the most he to the most lowest person can't say well I'm top of the he I'm done with it he'll struggle with it and person at the bottom of the Heap can't say listen I failed so many times so I'm done I'm throwing the towel I'm done you have to fight from beginning to end and it's something that all all of CH all has to fight with from from whatever my you're on but the and that's like the the says is that usually you know when when you're looking when you're going for a race you're trying to get to the end line not when it comes you're not going to get there's no end line you're never you're never catching up to you're never going to get to the end line there's no it's a it's a constantly when it comes it's something that will never end it's a it's a but the struggle itself has value with brings from uh from um and the story is like this that he was a man sitting in the back of a b Mar somewhere and U the r was was sitting in the Sho and some some B comes running into the Sho and he's besides himself he he's crying he doesn't know what to do he said the what's going on what's going on with you and he says that um what happened was last Friday I was I was uh away you know doing some sort of work and I was I was trying to get home for shabas and then my the wheels of my of my uh wagon got stuck and I had to unstick it and then afterwards uh and and I got stuck and then afterward something else happened the horse broke its leg and then it got money and this and that and by the time and I lost of the time and I by the time I came home I didn't and I came home I was I didn't realize that that that that I I and he beside he's crying I know what to do rabbit tell me what to do for kapara so the so so the r says don't worry about it you made a mistake people make mistakes the sh needs candles there's no lights they candles donate for next Friday night you'll donate the candles and uh that'll be a kapar so I mean you know pretty bad you know so okay he just sits there quietly and the guy next Friday he brings he he brings the the candles good he's sitting there again sometime during the week we and this guy comes running it again to the re not what happened last Friday night I I donated all the cand to the sh and before they got a chance to do anything a door came and ripped all the candles away and the whole had to D in in the in the dark because because it didn't work that the candles the candles got taken away and doesn't want my TR he doesn't want me he's not interested in me I'm done so the said no like these things happen sometimes the dog the dog likes the the the the candles calm down it's fine just do it again bring the candle the second time and you'll be and and and'll be fine the second time he he brings the candles and again you can imagine something he put the candles out and somehow there was something wrong with the with the candles Friday night just they melted down in one second they were down to nothing the whole had to dive in the dark again and this guy said this is the abish doesn't want my uh that doesn't want my chis crying and and and again the says no don't don't worry about it and back you know they made the guys of anyways and um and he said just do it a third time of course you can imagine the third time again it didn't work out that as soon as the guy lights the candles Friday night a big wind comes a huge wind comes and blows all the candle out again to D quietly at this point the says you know what uh I guess I don't know something is going on here maybe go to the balem to to to to to to see uh to see what the story is um okay so the guy go to the next town over to to to to visit the BM and B said no you the r is right don't worry about it don't worry it's fine but there was a there was a Yer man sitting in the back of the shore the whole time this they were saying every time you ran in I want to speak to that guy to the guy sing in the back so he gets a message that b wants to see him that guy has to go so on so on the next the next and it was Friday so he he he he gets he leaves early in the morning he wants to get to the and would don't you know on the way there's car well that car his his horse breaks down and uh and then he got stuck in mud and it's raining and it's pouring and it's whatever everything one thing after another and Mish not but he goes crazy running through the many just just in time by the time he get to B's house he was freezing and cold it was raining and was he knocks on the door and B invites him in and he says and tells him okay take down sit down calm down you know and he said do do you how you doing he said I you know but I'm okay he said but what how do you feel when when you he said the problem with you is that you never realized you never felt what a real who does have on his on his a really feel that deep horrible feel feeling cuz you did a various and you're struggling and and that deep feeling you never felt that you never felt that type of karata and now you felt it now when you came to me you felt it you should realize you you can never underestimate the of never underestimate that and and that's all you needed there wasn't the the the box of waxes were perfectly fine it's the the herish of feeling bad for what happened that's enough for to that's what wants and when it comes to something like this where the when it comes to where very often we'll fail and we'll fail again and we fail a third time and very often the way that it most manifest itself in when we fail is that we can't D you know that's for sure I'm after after after all of this after all these struggles it's a mistake it's a mistake understands that we're going to struggle and we and he can't put us here and we know he knows that we're humans and we're and we're flesh and blood and we're and and we're drawn to carnal things that's the way it is but the point is when we talk out to keep on struggling and keep on fighting and that's the ultimate that's what that's what it's all about it's just about the strugg it's about the fight and if you talk to never give up the fight always fight further and uh should take our as a as a and and