Tikun Hamidot (Refinement of character) Part 4 - Rabbi Alon Anava

The last couple of shurim we were talking about the tikun hamidos. And we were mainly talking about a very general overview of why we need to do it and what we need to do and the importance of it. It all boils down to one very simple thing. Is at the end of the day, every human being, they're constantly looking after one thing. To be happy. That's the bottom line. Every human being constantly his main agenda, his she's main agenda is to be happy. And we're constantly running after these little pleasures to make sure that I'm constantly going to be happy. Unfortunately, most people they put most of their efforts into running after the wrong things thinking that these small things are going to make them happy. So, we're constantly running after physical things. I explained last shur that we have in our body two types of nefesh shat. One is called the nefesh elokit. Nefesh elokit is a godly soul. This comes from the godly part of the arneshama. And then we have our animal soul. Our animal soul is called nefesh behemit because it's character traits is like a behema. A behema is an animal. So, this animal soul has many different types of character traits that are like an animal. So, I have a cow that is in me. I have a tiger that is in me. I have a dog that is in me. If I want to understand my nefesh behemit character traits, I can just need to look at animals. I look at a I look at a cow. What does a cow does all day long? The head is down. And all it wants is to eat. And then it eats. It eats. It eats. And then it sleeps. And then it eats. And then it sleeps. It doesn't uh doesn't uh do anything else. Doesn't hang out with the other cows. It doesn't learn. Doesn't go to shul Torah. It's very you know, the life of a cow is pretty boring when you think of it. But all the thing that it cares about is to eat all day long. The head is down and it's eating. So, the animal that is in me is constantly the the the cow that is in me is constantly going to want to eat. This is going to be the the character traits of this poo lao. The action of the nefesh behemit is to want to eat. That's why you see sometimes people they're not even hungry. They go to the fridge every 10 minutes. The poo lao, the action of constantly lao lao lao lao to chew. Constantly to chew. And it's not coming from any place any place holy. Rather, it's coming from a motion of the my nefesh behemit is operating without a ratzon, without a will. Cuz every action that I do then there's going to be a ratzon, a will that motivates it. Now, I have some type of an energy running in me constantly. This energy is broken into many different compartments, but part of this energy is called the nefesh because I'm constantly moving. And sometimes I'm moving without even thinking. If I'm if I have to scratch I don't have to think, "Wait a minute. Right now, I have to scratch my hand." And I move my hand. I I operate without too much thinking. So, a lot of my operations are not I don't think about them. But this energy that is running in me, this this nefesh it's motivated by something. Has to be motivated by something. I told you in the first class that the all the highest level of everything is called ratzon. A desire, a will. Something constantly has to motivate me to do something. So, a lot of my actions that I do are motivated from the nefesh behemit from the animal soul. And I and I have to recognize where they're coming from. So, if I have a motion of constantly wanting to eat cuz when you're thinking of it, you're not so hungry. Your body doesn't need so much food. It's actually not good to eat a lot of food. The Rambam teaches us it's not good to eat a lot of food. It's good to eat very small portions. And we don't even notice that sometimes we eat beyond what our the capacity of our stomach. For whatever reason, the the system that delivers the information from my stomach to my head has a delay. So, my stomach will get full way before that I understand that. It will get full until my mind will get the message that I'm full. Takes time. And then I eat and I eat and I eat and I actually end up eating much more than what my stomach can handle. Which health-wise, if you eat you can eat a lot of healthy things. But if you eat too much of it, it's not good for you. So, the thing is that I constantly have something that's motivating to motivating me to do something. So, one character trait of the nefesh behemit is like we said, like a cow. Will constantly make me want to eat. There's also in the kochos of the nefesh like the animal what's called an amera, a tiger. This is what arouses a lot of anger in me. Something will arouse anger in me. It's not that somebody will annoy me. A lot of people say, "Why you Why you nervous?" No, because people annoy me. People make me angry. People don't make you angry. You have anger in you that is being pushed. But I know many people that you do whatever you want to them, they'll never get angry. Because they don't have this character trait in them or it's the character trait is very diminished. It's under control. The whole point of this practice is to recognize my midos to recognize my character traits to be able to work on them. Now, I have the character traits, I have the midos that are coming from a positive place. And I have the character traits that coming from a negative place. And I explained in the beginning that we have two two levels what we operate on. We have our offi. Offi is is our is our character. That cannot be changed. However However, I am born, this is my offi. This is my character. And I can never never and will never able to change it. And I'm never going to be able to change somebody else's character. This is the biggest biggest mistake that most people do. And this is the most important thing to learn is that I can never change somebody's character. Just align myself that it will fit somebody else's character. Like a key and a and a lock. You can't In order for the key to open the lock, you cannot change the the pattern of the key. You can refine the key that it will be a little bit more smooth. But you cannot change somebody's character. And this is important to remember because a lot of people trying to change their husband's character or their wife's character or their kids' character or their employer or or to say an employee. What one can do is is work on the attributes to to refine the character. So, if a person is a is a is a has a character of being very angry for whatever reason, then you can refine it that he would anger would be under control. If a person has the character of being extremely generous and sometimes is going to the wrong place, then you can control it that the generosity will be directed to the right way and not be directed to the wrong way. But the point is to constantly recognize my midos and to recognize where it's coming from a negative place, where it's coming from a positive place. Because the nefesh elokit, all my my my midos, my attributes that are good will come from the nefesh elokit. And my attributes that are negative will come from the nefesh behemit. And I constantly have to recognize where it's coming from. And I explained in the previous shur that I have my character. That cannot be changed, but I can take a mida, I can take an attribute. I explained that a mida in Hebrew can also be explained as a measurement a quantity. And then I can control with my mida how much of my character is going to be is going to be show is going to become to action. So, to give you one example out of many, a person that is very upset. He gets extremely If somebody somebody upsets him. He says something the wrong way. He says something that he doesn't like. If he's controlling his anger right now he's taking the mida, the attribute of gvura of severity and he's holding himself from getting upset. Now, sometimes you need a lot of the mida, a lot of the attributes. You need to really hold yourself not to get upset. And sometimes it's just a little bit. Here, it's an example of how much of the mida of gvura I'm using right now. Sometimes it can be something very small because something somebody just pushed me. And I can right away, instead of getting upset and letting it arouse me, right away I'm like, "Okay, he didn't notice. It's very crowded here. He just bumped into me. You know, it's okay. He didn't notice me." In my mind, by using the attribute of I'm calming myself down. But I don't need much of it because it's not such a serious thing. But then somebody comes and really hurts me straight to my face something, say something, or does something that the anger is so out of control that I need to use the attribute of war for 3 days. I have to constantly convince myself not to get upset. And I will get upset and I have to come and say that I will get upset and I and then the attribute of severity has to be used to full force for 2 3 days to calm myself down. A person who is stingy stingy is stingy. Out of control. What other kind of methods he needs in order to put a break in that order? It depends what he's stingy about. Hm? It's depending what he's stingy about. E- everything and anything. Just to give an example, he's renovating his apartment, but he can't do by the law. And the wife and three kids has to find another place to go because they needed money. And you and the wife calls everybody, "Can I stay 3 days with you? Can I stay 3 days with you? Can I stay 5 days?" I mean, it's strange that you can write a book over. And he's stingy in regards that he doesn't want to give the apartment? No, he's living in another place. But everything that he needs money for that, if he sees that he can throw a small great money, he's doing it. It's amazing. Okay, but that can come from many different places. It can come from insecurity that he constantly thinks that he needs to have more money. It can come from the the complete opposite, from the desire to constantly have more and more and more money. By by for that, for example, for these two, you need a lot of the middle of war is to refrain the action of constantly to want to take more and to take more. Because you know, the the the the emotion of constantly taking from somebody else is coming from a very from a very excuse me, negative place. Mainly from insecurity. So, it can be taken in a physical way, it can be taken from a spiritual way. But a lot of people they have a deficiency in the department of they don't have any they're very insecure. So, they will constantly try to pull from somebody else. Either money, either emotions, either attention. Yeah. So, the middle that has to be applied here is first of all the middle of of severity of stopping it. He has to be in a motion of refraining. And they also should be the middle here of of a lot of is the complete opposite. Is giving. So, if a person constantly is in a motion of wanting to take and he realizes that, Oh. then he will they will constantly have to work on the motion of giving. Now, here comes a very big thing that what you're asking, if you recognize in somebody else a middle, you can't very hard for you to help somebody else to refine their middle. Their attribute. It's almost impossible. The person has to do it himself. Yeah. I can give a person tools. I can come to a person and and advise him advise him or point out, "Listen, these are your faults." I can give advice how to do it. Don't do this. Don't do that. But the actual work, the person himself has to first recognize. If I don't recognize my fault, that's that's already the biggest problem. This is what I talked about the show before the last class. This is already ego. This is already my issue that I'm not willing to accept that something wrong with me. This is the the first first middle that one needs to work on. We started talking about it last year. We're going to continue talking about it today. But the most important middle one needs to work on is middle of another. It's being humble. And the opposite of middle of another is is is pride. And there's always going any middle and any attribute is always going to be the positive part of it and the negative part of it. So, the opposite the the the the good middle is another is to be humble. Then the negative part is is the opposite. Which every attribute will give birth to a new attribute. And that will give birth to another attribute and so forth and it can go in many generations. The point is before we start talking about the middle of another which will answer more your question in more in more in depth. First, I have to recognize where it's coming from. Now, if a person is completely oblivious, lives his life with no direction that he has to refine himself, then what I'm saying now is is has no meaning. A person first has to come to the realization that what am I doing in this world? I have to do something in this world. God put me in this world to do something. He didn't put me here in this world to spend 70 years and to eat and to watch another movie and to go to another vacation and to see another thing and to to run into another relationship, etc. etc. This is not what God put me here. God put me here with a very specific assignment. And if I do not recognize this assignment and I do not apply it to my life, every day that that's in my life I'm wasting. I think it was the the class before the the one before that that I explained that the second level of our is called fire. This is what's called a surrounding light. In the there are thousands and thousands of godly sparks. And each spark in the corresponds to one day of our life. So, if a person died when he's 70, you can calculate how many days of his life he had. That's the amount of godly sparks that he had to correct. Of course, sometimes a person can do certain actions that will shorten his life. Person can do a lot of a lot of sins that will arouse a heavenly decree on him that is called death by the heavenly court. And then a person instead of living till 70, he lives till 60 or 50 or 40 or 20. So, it don't doesn't mean they were supposed to die young. Rather, a person can do certain acts. A person desecrates Shabbat. The the thing, the judgment from the heavenly court is death by the heavenly court. And it doesn't mean it can come right away. Sometimes it comes 20 years later. But if a person does one of the the sins that the the judgment of it is death by the heavenly court, death by the heavenly court, then a person will shorten his life. But if a person does exactly what he needs to do, then he would live his life to the fullest. That's why we have a you know, a lot of people have the the custom when you have a birthday, you say 120. Till 120. And a lot of the question why 120, why not 123? 120 because lived here was 120. So, we're wishing people to live to 120. Although it's a very bad wish cuz one should wish a person to have an eternal life. Wishing that you don't have to wait till 120. Rather, you should have an eternal life. Cuz should come and your life should be eternal. Why should I limit somebody to tell them 120? You know, we have sages that lived before that. They lived way before way more than 120. So, why should I do 120? It's a very weird number when you're thinking of it. But if you want to look at the positive part of it, then I'm wishing somebody that his life should be lived to his fullest. That he's not his days should not be should not be shortened. Why? Because every day I have one piece of to refine and to elevate it. And if I didn't do it that day, then the next day I have two to do. Two two sparks to do. So, every day I have to do a certain order of things in order to refine one spark. And in most cases, I don't even know what's this spark that day. That's why a lot of people they wake up in the morning, the first thing they they they ask God is what is my job today? What do you want me to do today? Should I do today a lot of kindness? Should I learn today a lot of Torah? Is today a day that I have to do the Is today the day that I have to work on my middle of being patient? What what is my job today? Show me my job. That's why we have a custom that first thing in the morning we pray. Because if I want to know what's my job today, I I can only know it by asking my employer. And my employer is my employer. That's why I meditate. Praying is meditating. I meditate and I ask my what's my job today? I align myself. I center myself. I purify myself. I segregate myself from the world so I can have a moment of silence in my soul so I can ask my soul what is my job today. Sometimes the job is very easy. I just walk out to the street. Somebody comes and tells me, "Can you help me? I need help." If you perceptive and I'm like, "Okay, that's the middle of the day. I have to help this person cuz I really don't feel like helping him right now." When you don't feel like doing something, it means and it's a middle, it means you really have to do it. Or sometimes, you know, somebody calls you. "Can I come and visit you this Shabbat? I have to stay by you." Oh. That's the middle. That's what I have to refine today. So, every day will be something that is annoying you and if you recognize right away that it's coming from a point of Kedusha of holiness then you know, oh, that's what I need to do. It's a very obvious today. If it's coming from from the opposite side of Kedusha then you know that it's nonsense. The point is that I'm I'm constantly have to have a discussion in my mind. Is good, is bad, is good, is bad. Where is it coming from? And if I operate in that way my entire life, even though it sounds a little bit of OCD that I constantly have to think of it. You don't have to be fanatic and all day long become OCD about it, but it has to be a nature that's that I'm constantly judging things if I if it's good or if it's bad, if it's coming from the right place or the wrong place. If I recognize that I have a mission in this world that I constantly trying to run after it to understand what I need to do. Why? I can do it in a very superficial way and a very selfish because I want to have a good life. I want to have happiness. I want to be comfortable. Or I can look at it in a very high spiritual level that that's the I don't know that's the will of the world. But to reach to that level is a very high level. So we concentrate in the beginning of my very selfish selfish reasons that I want to be happy. At the end of the day I want to be happy. That's why constantly I'm looking for these little things that will make me happy. And if I realize that it's the the spiritual things that will make me happy and not the physical things then I put my effort in the in the right place. The problem is most people putting their effort in the wrong place. And they're thinking that another good meal or another new dress or another little vacation or whatever, that's what's going to make me happy. So ultimately when I have the the frame of mind that I have to satisfy my soul then I constantly I'm aware of what I need to do. And I was created not to to rest or to enjoy myself. I was created to serve my master by refining my middle. This is when a person understands that then he's already 50% of the problem is done. Yeah, but also when you understand it you still always want physical pleasure. Like it's not like I didn't say that you don't want it. I just you the thing is that the person has to come first to the realization that what first of all what am I doing here? If if a person doesn't have the thought every couple days why am I on this word in this world and he doesn't have an answer then he's, you know, walking on some type of a track with no with no with no goal. Needless to say that constantly we are we are teased by all sorts of desires and inclinations to to derive physical pleasure. This is this is the character trait of our enemies. Now if I wake up in the morning and I have a desire to do something spiritual then I know that my my godly soul right now is is dominant dominating because I want to go to a I want to go to pray. I want to go and help somebody. But if I have a physical inclination that I want to do something pleasurable right away my will shut down my system so I will go and pursue it. But if I stop myself and say, do I really want this physical pleasure right now? But is it bad to have both? Like I'm not saying bad right now. Okay, but I'm just saying like you could have both. You could really enjoy like spiritual pleasure and like really want that but then also want physical pleasure. Like going to the beach or like whatever doing like things or eating or whatever like you also really enjoy that. Needless to say, of course you enjoyed it. Any physical pleasure that you have But you also want that enjoyment in life. It's not like even though I know that like spiritual pleasure is the ultimate and like that's what really makes me happy like I still want physical pleasure no matter what. That's that's exactly the thing. We're driven by wanting these physical pleasures. Now is it the right thing? The ultimate answer is no. That's why a holy person will say, let's go to the beach. A holy person will say, do I really want to go to the beach? And he will start analyzing this desire. Why do I want to go to the beach? Cuz I want to just lie down and relax. Why do I just want to just lie down and relax? Because I don't want to think about anything right now. I want to just be disconnected from the world. I want to enjoy the sun. I want to eat. I want to drink. If a person really analyzes the desire and the bottom line will be physical pleasure I'm not saying right now if it's hard or easy. I'm saying that where if it's good or not. If you dig into the to this desire and you find out that there's nothing holy in it then you know that it came from your enemy. Now it's your decision if you want to apply it or not. But if you find out that it's not coming from from holiness and the bottom line will be that there's not going to be any any holy act in it then a holy person will be like, I don't really want it. It's not what wants. I don't want to do it. I'm not going to do it. And then comes the that will make me want to do it and I'll have this internal fight. And by me subduing it that I actually did the and I overpowered my desire. So my desire will be to go to the beach, to watch a movie, to eat this chocolate right now, to say this The thing is that the way the works that he first he throws to you these desires that are that are harmless. I'm not hurting anybody by lying on the beach. I'm not hurting anybody by watching a movie. I'm not hurting anybody by eating this ice cream right now. But the constantly wants to bring you to his domain that he has control over you. Why? That he will give you to do 20 things that don't hurt anybody but then he will tell you go and steal from that person. Say about that person. Don't do this thing. You have to understand that this is the the the way the is tricky. This is the path where the did. First he told the is the snake. First he told just let me in the garden. She's like, you're not allowed in the garden. He's just just let me in. I'm not going to bother you. I'm you'll be where you are. I'll go to that corner. I just want to see. So he convinced her. So she let him in. In the beginning he was just walking around. Then he started coming to her. So he slowly slowly came to her. First he told her first he told he touched her talking to her. She's like, I can't talk to you. He convinced her to talk to him. Slowly slowly and then he told her, you know, okay, God said not to eat from the tree. It doesn't say you can't lean on the tree. He can't say you can't touch the tree. So he pushed her on the tree. His his action was to slowly slowly penetrate into her mind and then to make her sin. Now whether it's good or bad, again it depends on the level that the person is holding. If a person is holding in a very high spiritual level and he will have a thought, let's go to the beach, there's nothing wrong with it and his mind will give him all the excuses why it's good to go to the beach right now. If he will go to the beach and do nothing but ultimately at this point then the the got one point. A one little victory. And if a person is holding himself in a very high level he will say like, wait a minute. Do I really want to go? And he will analyze it and most likely will come to the point and says, you know, I have nothing to do in the beach. It's a waste of time. That's exactly. That's so your answer. But a person that is holding in a very high spiritual level will say what do I need to sit on the beach right now and see the waves? I rather read a book. I rather volunteer now and help a poor person or somebody sick. I'm not saying right now what you need to do what you need to do. I'm talking about Exactly. So this is exactly what I wanted to say that first of all you have to be very true to yourself cuz the will come and tell you, let's go to the beach to do it do it. Now here has to come your and say are you really going to do it on the beach? No. You're going to be sitting with your bathing suit and looking at the sun and relaxing. So you have to be very smart where your is going to come cuz is going to tell you, go to the beach, take with you a good book. And you do you do Hold on. We're going to get to we're going to I'm going to give you in a second your answer. The point is that you have to be very smart because the is going to give you all the good excuses why you need to go to the beach, you need to do it and you need to focus on your shame. Okay, here I I see where you're going. I'll tell you like this. I'm now I'm now explaining to you the level of somebody who wants to hold in a very high level so he right away negates the the option of going to the beach. But when a person is holding in a lower level there's two options here. The first option is like this. Okay, right now I have a I want to go I want to go to the beach. Okay, let's let's stay on the topic of the beach. Then I can I'll give you a different example. Let's do on the topic of food. If I eat during the week food there's no in there. There's not no mitzvah to eating during the week, but on Shabbat it's a mitzvah. So, Shabbat sit on the fridge and eat all day long. That's a mitzvah. But during the week it's not a mitzvah. So, if I eat constantly, then I'm I'm I'm I'm basically I'm not doing any avera. I'm not doing any sin, but I'm not sanctifying myself. I'm not holding myself in a higher level. But if I now take my food during the week and I say I'm going to eat now because it's going to give me energy to work and to serve God and I'm going to be concentrated and focus it on focused on my my avodat Hashem, then I take something that comes from a very low physical level and I able to elevate it. Now, if bemet, I will say, "Okay, let me go to the beach cuz I really bemet want to eat boded and I really want to relax my mind from my busy day so I can center myself and come back fully energized to serve Hashem and I will take a book and I will read some tehillim and I'm going to go to a tzniut beach where there's not men and women together and etc. etc. then I can take something physical and elevate it. But the point is that most people they're not in the level to be able to take something physical and to elevate it rather the physical pulls them down. So, yes, the the level of I do I would I wouldn't call a person that level a tzaddik. I would call that level a a very high spiritual level cuz I know many people like that that are not tzaddikim. They just right away make an analogy and they say, "What good will we do if I do this right now?" And right away they break down all the options and they say, "Okay, the beach is not good for me right now." Now You don't understand what's not good in the beach? No. I mean, depends where you go, but like it's water or whatever. So, why is that a bad thing? It's not a bad thing. Like, oh, let's not walk so don't walk anywhere. It's not a bad thing, but again, it all boils down to the level where a person holds himself. Now, if a person holds himself, it's almost like a diet. I'll give you an an example. A person goes on a diet. Now, if that person has a very strong goal to lose his weight and he knows that if he opens the fridge, then he's not going to lose his weight and he's 100% devoted to the goal then he's not going to go to the fridge. He's not going to go to buy treats. He's not going to go to a restaurant. That person is devoted to the goal. And he will segregate his physical pleasures cuz there's a goal, to lose weight. Now, one might say, "Okay, I don't care if I'm a little bit overweight. I don't care if I'm a little bit, you know, you know, I'm not controlling my diet." So, that person says, "Okay, what's wrong something wrong with eating now?" No. But it all depends what's the goal. So, if my goal is to be 100% thin and on a strict diet, then I don't allow myself even to eat. Yes, I'm losing out a lot of pleasure right now. I understand. I understand that I'm not going to eat ice cream today and I understand that I'm not going to enjoy this cake right now and I know that I'm not going to enjoy anything here, but my mind is set on my goal. So, the same way one can say it in a very spiritual level, "Yeah, I have a set goal here to be much holier. I want to be in a higher level for many different reasons. So, I'm very fanatic on I'm not doing this, this, and this. I know that I'm not going to enjoy I'm talking right now on a one level because I constantly want to strive to that level. Now, the reality is that the the way the yetzer hara works that he will always present the information, the situation in the beginning as very harmless and he will give you all the excuses why it's good for you and why nothing bad is going to happen from it and why you need it to get you to that situation. Once he has you in that situation, he has control over you. Once he has control over you, then he's going to start start slowly slowly coming into your domain till he makes you sin. So, there's nothing wrong with doing these things. There's nothing wrong or now with having a nice cake or ice cream or or saying, "Okay, there's nothing wrong now to go to the beach. What's wrong with the beach?" Like you said, it's beautiful water and a beautiful air. But he he will convince you to go there because there's nothing wrong there and he wants you to do it bodedut. He's very yetzer hara. Do it bodedut and and and I'm not talking you. I'm talking about how the shita this the system of the yetzer hara. He brings you to a point that it can be not only the beach, can be with many other things. The yetzer hara is going to tell you, "Why don't you go now to watch a movie? It's a very tzniut movie. There's a good a lot of a lot of good morals from this movie. It's a Discovery Channel. I'm going to learn about the the beautiful creation of Hashem." The yetzer hara is the master of deception. So, he's going to paint the situation exactly how you want to see it. He's going to put in the painting the colors you like. He's going to describe it and present it like as if it's extremely holy. But this is the ultimate checkel that he puts it in a very nice presentation. Why? Cuz he wants you in his side. This is the exact story of the nachash and Hava, and the snake and Hava. In the beginning it was all innocent. I just want to be your friend. But he constantly he he deceives you. He tempts you. But you think the yetzer hara is going to tempt you with something disgusting? He's going to paint it real nice. Now again, going back to the same explanation. One can hold in a very high level and say, "No, eizo chacham ro'eh et hanolad." Who's the smart person? The one who sees what's going to come out of it. So, if I'm going to now take a situation, okay, what's going to happen when I go to the beach? And I sit for 2 minutes with myself. Am I really going to do it bodedut? And then I'm like, "Okay, let's be honest with myself. I'm not going to really do it bodedut. I just want to lie down and relax." But the person who's wise that he sees what's going to be birthed out of it, what mashin olad, he says, "Okay, what's going to really be the thing? Okay, so I'm going to go to the beach and on the beach it's going to be it's going to be mixed boys and girls and I'm I'm probably going to see somebody I like and this is going to happen, this is going to happen, this is going to happen." So, the yetzer hara is going to present the situation completely different than the reality and a smart person doesn't put himself in a situation. If a person right now is an alcoholic and he can't control himself, he'll see a bottle of of of of vodka, he has to to drink it. Then if he puts himself in a bar, he he knows that it's a matter of an hour or half an hour before I'm drunk. But if a person says, "No, I I can't put myself in the situation because I I'm see what's going to be born out of it." Then he might doesn't even put himself in the situation. Now, am I telling you now to be tzaddikim? If you can, you should. The reality is that we're not. There's constantly going to the yetzer hara is going to come and tempt me with a million things, not just the beach. He's going to come and tempt me with a million and one things. And exactly how you said, is there something wrong with it? Depends how you're looking at it. You can look at it in one angle and say it's extremely wrong because the result is going to be the complete opposite of what God wants me to do and I'm going to waste my day. And you can look at it by saying, "Okay, it's not that wrong. Okay." You know what the yetzer hara is going to come and tell you? "You're not a tzaddik. You don't have to hold yourself in such a level. You're a simple person. You did a mitzvah yesterday. It's okay." Again, it all depends where you want to hold yourself. If you want to hold yourself in a high level, then you are very strict and you're very specific with how you hold yourself and where you put yourself in. But if you give yourself a lot of discounts, the result is going to be that you're going to your spiritual level will constantly go lower and lower and lower. Take an example. Take a a boy. Put him in yeshiva. All day long from morning to night he's praying. He's learning. He's eating kosher. Everybody's around him holy. The whole environment is holy. No phones, no TV, no nothing. Spiritual level is very high. Then he goes on summer vacation. So, the first week everything is running the same way, but then there's no minyan. So, he prays by himself. And then there's a hear a temptation, hear a temptation, hear a temptation. Oh, this is okay, that is okay, this is okay. By the end of the summer vacation, the guy is like not even religious. Why? Because when you allow yourself too many discounts, the result is going to be one result that you're going to slowly slowly go down in your spiritual level. That's That's the result. Now, if you want to be honest with yourself, then you hold yourself in a certain way and you analyze everything. The right analogy is to say when a desire comes to you, does it really this is really what I want right now? The yetzer hara will right away push you and say, "Yes, yes, yes, yes. That's what you want." But that's what the yetzer hara wants. And if a smart person, he stops himself and says, "Does it really what I want? What's going to happen? What's going to be the result? What is it going to give me?" Cuz ultimately I'm running after one goal to do the will of the Kadosh Baruchu. Why? Cuz ultimately my ultimate kavana is to be happy. Now, if is this route going to make me happy or is this route going to make me happy? The short route that the yetzer hara is going to paint nice ultimately will give me a very short and immediate gratification, but down the line will give me a complete disaster. The wrong route, the immediate result is not going to be gratification. It's going to be the complete opposite of gratification. Now I'm suffering cuz I'm not in the beach. I'm stuck here in this horrible room. And that's how I is going to tell you how we missed out. But the down the line it's going to be the complete opposite. This is where the Yitzhara will always come and distort the reality, will make you want to go up after the immediate gratification. And again, I'm not telling you what you should or what you should not do. I'm telling you how the tool, how to get to the point that you actually want and need to get. Now if you let the third party, the Yitzhara come in in in between, put, you know, a stumbling block, you'll never get there. The ultimate result is going to be exactly what I said before. It's the opposite of of of of the real true happiness. That's why most of the people in this world are not happy. Cuz they're running after the immediate and short gratifications. But it's like a balloon. It's empty. There's nothing there. The Yitzhara every time makes you go into one route and then he laughs. Ah, I got you again. The reality is you need You don't have to be a genius for that. Look at the world. I say 50%. The reality is probably 90% that the world are not happy. They're not really happy. Because what's on their mind is the immediate gratification. Then they go after that. But their ultimate happiness is lying is going is from a completely different route. So, you said before that that's the level of a tzaddik. It's not the level of a tzaddik. It's the level of a smart person. A smart person says, "Ultimately I want to be happy. We all want to be happy. This We all want the same thing." The smart person says, "Is a cake going to make me happy now? Is the beach going to make me happy? Yes, it's going to make me happy now. And it's going to make me happy for 3 hours and that's it. It's not going to make me happy, the real happiness, the long run. Is this movie going to make me happy? Yeah, of course it's going to make me happy for 2 hours. And then the movie's over and I'm back to reality. Is the party going to make me happy? Of course it's going to make me happy. For 8 hours I'm going to be very happy cuz I'm going to be drunk on the floor. But then I'm going to next day I'm going to wake up in the morning. I'm not going to be happy. So again, it's not a level of a tzaddik. It's a level of a smart person. Now, is it easy to come to that level? Extremely not. Because constantly I'm going to be deceived by the Yitzhara by the nachash that here, that's going to make you happy. Go after that. But the smart person says, "Wait. Let me make an analogy here. Let me make an analogy. Do I really want to go to the beach to do what I want to do? No. So the point is is I'm not judging anyone. I'm not saying anything in a negative way. I'm just trying to paint a situation that you can realize in your life you're constantly going to have every day 50 temptations. Every day. 50? At least. 50 temptations. I'm just throwing a number. It can be one day will be five, one day will be 500. But you're constantly going to have temptations. And the temptation is going to pull you to the negative side because your nefesh habehamit will constantly pull you to the physical pleasures. So everything you do is a temptation because now you go you go drink something or everything you do you should Not everything that you do. Yeah, but 50 times a day. I just threw a number just to make it easier on your mind. Five. The point is that constantly I'm going to be tempted to do things. Now, my Yitzhara my my nefesh habehamit will constantly will be pulled to physical things and my nefesh Elokit will be pulled to spiritual things. You remember the story with Rivka when she was pregnant? She would walk she had inside her she had Yaakov and Esav. Every time she passed next to a synagogue or yeshiva, Yaakov wanted to go out. Every time she passed next to a place of idol worship, then Esav wanted to go out. This represents my nefesh Elokit and my nefesh habehamit. So every time that I'm go I'm close to something spiritual, my nefesh Elokit will start having motion in me. Every time I go through something that I that I that my nefesh habehamit will recognize as something physical, my nefesh habehamit will start having emotion in me. This is a temptation. The reality is that most people what tempts them is the physical things. Very few people will go past the yeshiva and will have a temptation to run in. So, the problem is that you have to constantly analyze where this drive is coming from. Now we totally sidetrack from the topic, but the point is that constantly something is going to arouse a ratzon in me. This energy is running in me. And the energy will will will will bring some type of a desire in me. Now if the dominating energy is my nefesh Elokit then my desire I will be magnet. I will be aroused to holy things. So right now I have a free moment. I have half an hour. Let me grab a book. I can't wait to finish my book. Or I can't wait to do this and that or whatever. But the other way then the nefesh habehamit will constantly tempt me to do things. That's why our sages say you have a Yitzhara. You pull him into the yeshiva because you're surrounding the Yitzhara with holiness. Now if I put myself in an unholy place, my desires are only going to be coming from the nefesh habehamit. Here, eat this. Go to sleep. Go to the party. Go to the beach. Go to do do this. Do that. Again, I'm not saying it means that the person is bad. It means that the nefesh habehamit right now is working overtime. It's powerful. And the nefesh habehamit is just a It's just a nefesh. It's like an animal. Comes on the nefesh habehamit and rides the Yitzhara and he's like, "Okay, let me use this powerful spiritual ox to deceive you." And again, the smart person, not the tzaddik. Tzaddik doesn't even have that problem. The smart person says, "Okay, I have right now a desire. What am I doing? Where's it coming from? Do I want to apply it? What's going to happen out of it?" Now we were talking about the avodah and we don't, but you can take the exact same avodah taking my attributes and adding in it how I'm controlling my Yitzhara. So I can have now a very strong desire to do something that is not permitted. A sin. That I can take my middah of the gevurah of of of holding it. And then I can have a very strong desire to do something that is permitted. It's allowed to eat. I'm allowed to eat now 50 cakes. There's nothing good in it. There's no mitzvah in it and and and lehefech I just put my my my my my emotions out of control. So I can again so they do the apply the exact same thing. Take the middah, the attribute of gevurah and refrain myself. Where where where where I wanted to talk about the taking the attributes and controlling my my middot, my character. But you can do the exact same thing with controlling my nefesh habehamit. Ultimately all my bad middot come from the nefesh habehamit. And I have to constantly recognize where my middot are coming from. Cuz a good middah will come from a nefesh Elokit. A bad middah attribute will come from a nefesh habehamit. Now again, that's why I said before that I have to wake up in the morning and I say to myself, "What is What is my job today?" And if I don't do that then all the temptation will will actually come to action. A person has to do a life review every week, every 2 weeks, every month or whatever or every day. Why am I Why am I here in this world? The smart person does it every day because you constantly want to be in the level of saying, "Am I here in this world to go to the beach or am I here in this world to serve Hashem?" My Yitzhara will tell me, "You're here to go to the beach." And my nefesh Elokit is going to tell me, "No, you're not here to serve Hashem and you're not going to serve Hashem on the beach. Don't think you're going to do it what you do it on the beach. And don't think you're going to read on the beach. And don't think you're going to read Tehillim on the beach. You want to read Tehillim? Go to the Kever tzaddikim here. You want to do hitbodedut? Go to Meron. The Yitzhara is going to tell you go do hitbodedut in the in the beach. Your nefesh Elokit is going to tell you, "Who are you kidding? You're not going to do nothing there." So if I if I want to hold myself in a high level, then I constantly meditate in my mind, "What am I doing here? Is this what I God wants? Yes, no. Hold on." It all depends on the level I want to hold myself. Now, since we don't have much time left and I really wanted to talk about the middot because this is the most important thing. So last week I started talking about the middah of the most important middah is the middah of anavah, of being humble. The opposite of the middah of anavah is ga'avah, is pride. Each one of these will give birth to new middot. Last week I explained that the middah of anavah, being humble, if it's applied in a negative way, meaning ga'avah, having pride, this will be will give birth to two very devastating middot, which is anger and sadness. It will it will bring into into will bring birth into these two middot. Which means if I have a lot of middot of ga'avah, of being pride, any person that will say something towards me that I don't like will will right away will bring anger, right away. Anger will bring laughter, then sadness. And then it will bring more middot into it, jealousy, and animosity, stingy. All these middot are going to come from the shoresh, from the root, is ga'avah. Which if I want to diminish that, then I have to work on the middot of anavah. If I work on the middot of anavah, of being humble, nobody will get me upset, so I'm never going to be angry. Nobody will make me sad, so I'm never going to be sad. Nobody's going to push any buttons because there's no buttons to push, so I'm not going to be jealous, I'm not going to be jumpy, I'm not going to be any I'm not going to have I'm not going to give birth to any of these these middot. I have to constantly recognize where the emotion is coming from. The other most important middah I I hope we would had I was hoping we will have much more shiurim to actually go one middah and every shiur dissect it and work on it. But since we don't have, I want to do at least one shiur that we're doing how we're doing avodat middot according to the four elements of our of our soul. Because if you know how to control that, you can recognize where everything is coming from, including the desire to go to the beach. It comes from an element in many shamah that constantly wants to to to lead to impregnant anugot. Pleasures. This comes from the from the from the kochot hanefesh, what's called from the from the element of water. Mixed with a lot of air. So, we'll do one shiur about that. But the point is that I constantly have to pinpoint where is my emotions coming from each middah. The next most important middah after anavah is the middah of tsniut. Tsniut is modesty. The opposite of modesty will be pritzut. Now, tsniut is not not necessarily the long dress. This is the the levush, this is the the the clothes. But the middah of tsniut is completely different than the long sleeve. That's a whole different thing. These are the two most important mitzvot that one needs to work on. And tsniut is also for men, not only for women. And when a person is a constantly empowering the middah of anavah and tsniut, what will be born from these middot is only good middot. Then the person is holding himself in a very high level. Not in the level of the going to the beach. And again, there's not I'm not saying it in a in a in a wrong way. Sometimes there's actually you can really take something as the beach and be able to elevate it. You can all take almost any physical thing and elevate it. This is mainly why we're here. You can take food and elevate it. You can take any physical thing in this world and elevate it into kedushah. This is mainly our job in this world is to elevate this world. So, I take food and if I eat it leshem shamayim, to the sake of heavens, then I elevate the food to holiness. So, this is a very high level that one can say I can take now something physical and dissect it. And to do what's what's called avodat berurim, remove the bad out of it and remove the good out of it and take the good and elevate it up to Hashem. So, there's always the opportunity to take something bad and to elevate it. But going back to the the the how we want to refine our middot, because if I refine my middah, then I will not even get to the point that I have a temptation that will get me to a place that chas veshalom the end result is going to be what I don't want to get there. So, when we're concentrating on the middah of of anavah, how do I apply it? So, I have two channels in this middah, in this attribute. Being humble in front of Hashem, ben adam lemakom, and being humble in front of another person, ben adam lechavero. Ben adam lechavero is the most important thing because this will bring will bring give birth to all the bad character traits. So, if I'm humble between ben adam lechavero, meaning that I I always judge a person, I always see the good in other people, I always judge people favorably, and most important that I don't see anybody that I'm better than anybody. I see everybody as equal to me or more than me. And if I apply all these three, then I'm applying the attribute of anavah, of humbleness in front of another person. This person will never have any issues. Cuz he will always judge a person favorably. He will always see the good in another person, even if the person did something bad. And being humble in front of Hashem is that I constantly agree with how Hashem governs the world. If I don't agree with what Hashem does in the world, then I'm not humble in front of Hashem. And the reality is constantly getting upset at Hashem. Why is this happening like that? Why is this happening like that? Why is this happening? When I say why is this happening, I basically don't agree with the way Hashem is running the world. And that's not being humble in front of Hashem. Have to constantly humble myself in front of Hashem. These are two major channels that I have to work on. Now, humbling myself in front of Hashem, that's one thing. That's constantly accepting that Hashem is in control, everything happens from the will of Hashem. But in the little time that we have is I want to talk about how am I humbling myself in front of another person. Because if I will humble myself in front of another person, I'm never going to be angry. I'm never going to have the emotion of anger. The attribute of anger. Because I'm going to see that either the person didn't mean it or he didn't know or I deserved it or it's even my problem. 80% of the time that we get upset is we think somebody did something wrong to me, but if you really look at it, I'm the one to blame. I'm the one to blame. It's my problem. Not that other person's problem. So, if I constantly judge another person favorably, I'm always going to see the good in him. Look at the great tzaddikim. They never saw a person as as as They only saw the good part of that person. Now, the thing is that we all have bad in us. Every person has something bad. It's very easy to say, "How can you love that person? He did this." It's all how you look at him. If you want to look at it in the angle of how Hashem is looking at everything, in the angle of Hashem, the eyes of Hashem, there's no such a thing as a bad person. There's no such a thing. He sees only the good of everybody. But that's the angle how Hashem is looking at things. And if I put myself in that position, that I understand, yeah, every person has some bad things in it, but I can only I'm only going to look at the good things, then I'm elevating myself to a level that is way beyond a human level, so I'm able to see only the good in people. I'm able to tolerate the bad in them. The result will be not that I'm a a pious person. The result is going to be that I'm never going to be upset, I'm never going to be angry, I'm never going to be sad, I'm never going to be jealous, I'm never going to be anything. Cuz nobody will be able to affect me in any way. You could affect yourself personally or you could affect yourself for whatever. But that's the whole thing, that it's not going to affect you. No, not because of other people, because of yourself sometimes. So, That's a That's a different path. Right now I'm talking about the middah of anavah between me and Hashem, that's one thing, then between me and another person. And of course there's between me and myself. But if I want to get to the point that I'm working about between me and myself, let me first work about between me and Hashem and between me and another person. Of course there's there's many ways of looking at it, but in the little time that we have, I want to emphasize the the most important thing. And the most important thing is between me and another person. Me and Hashem is also important, and me and myself, that's that's that's the much more work to do. But if I refine the external part, the internal part will be easier to work on. The reason why I have issues with myself is because I have issues with other people. If I don't have an issue with another people with another person, most likely I will not have so much issues with myself. The point is that a lot of people ask the same question, the the million-dollar question, "How can you constantly judge another person favorably when people are doing very bad things? How do you want me now to judge a person favorably and good when I just saw him do something real bad to that person? How How do you expect me to do it?" So, I'm not saying it's easy, I'm just saying that this is what's this is the action that we have to do. And there's a story that one time there was a certain king and he wanted a a portrait of his son. The only problem was that his son was extremely extremely horrible. Um horrible, ugly. And a big scar here, one eye was crooked, the nose was like that, the whole face was deformed. It was a very ugly person. And the king gave a deal, whoever will paint my son will get such and such money. Of course all the painters came and the price for the job. The first paid painter came, made a portrait of the son, brings the picture in front of the king. The king looks at it and he's like, "What? This is a horrible picture. Look how horrible you made my son look. Right away, kill him. Right away the painter out. Shot dead. The next painter comes, same thing. Paints the the son, shows it to the king. The king looks at the picture, "What? What is this? How dare you paint my son like that?" Kills him, too. And then another painter, another painter. Of course, nobody was able to paint the son how the king wanted because everybody painted the portrait of the son. They copied the son, and the picture was horrible. Then one painter came and says, "I want to take the job." They was like, "Are you out of your mind? You're writing a death certificate." He says, "No, no, no. I got I got the point." So, he start painting the son. And he comes with a picture, shows it to the king. King is like, "Wow." Now, what did he do? He didn't paint a direct portrait of the son. He put the son in like a forest. And he made like a branch going down in a very nice way that went on the face like this and covered the scar. And he made an angle that the crooked nose didn't look so crooked. And he put the son in a such of a way of a different angle that he didn't look so ugly. And the king was like, "Oh, what a beautiful picture." And soft over call soft, happy ending. The The painter was rich. The The king was happy. Everybody was happy. The point is that when you paint the picture how it is, exactly face-to-face, it will come out very ugly. So, whatever situation you're looking at, it looks extremely extremely ugly. But in the eyes of the king, the eyes of Hashem, there's no such a thing as a bad person. There's no such a thing. We're all beautiful in the eyes of Hashem. He loves us just the same. There's no such a thing that Hashem loves one person more than the other. There's no such a thing. If somebody tells you that, 100% not true. Hashem loves us equal. And he sees just the beauty in each and every one of us. And if you show Hashem the ugly side of another person, Hashem gets upset. That's not my son. My son is beautiful. It's all how you paint it. So, when I look at a person and I empower, I bring out of that person all the bad, then the painting that I do is bad. In the spiritual level, it arouses the anger from Hashem. How dare you paint my son like that? Baal Shem Tov teaches us whatever I see in another person, I actually bring out and I empower it in that other person. That's why lashon hara is so bad because I say something negative about that person, and I bring it out of him. So, that's why lashon hara is extremely bad. That's why the opposite of lashon hara is when I do when when I say positive things, I build that person. I take it out of him. Now, if I constantly practice on seeing good in another person, I'm able to bring that good out of him. But more than that, I will be able to say, "Oh, that person is so good. Okay, so he did some bad things." If I want to take the the the the angle of looking of what the Baal Shem Tov teaches that if I see bad in somebody, it means that that it's my mirror. That bad is in me. Whether in a direct way or in an indirect way or in a very refined way. But everybody around me is mirrors. So, everything that Hashem puts in front of me is a mirror of me. Why is bad things are shown to me? For me to know what's going on inside of me. That's why if I right away work on my midah of anavah, I will humble myself and be like, "If I'm seeing this bad thing in that person, means that there's something bad in me that I have to humble myself to reach to that level that that is not going to look bad in that person." But if I right away empower my ga'avah, my opposite of anavah, "Ooh, look at that person what he did. Look what she said." And so forth. And the result will be that I'm not going to be see I'm not going to recognize what's bad in me to work on it. And the point is that I constantly want to recognize what's the bad in me so I can work on my midah and refine it. So, b'ezrat Hashem, we again ran out of time. B'ezrat Hashem, on Wednesday, since we have a longer class, maybe we'll try not to sidetrack and talk on the actual midot, the main one, how I can work on it, and how I can refine it. But the the the bottom line is very very simple. It's to constantly sift between what's good and what's bad. That's the what's called Sod Etz HaDa'at, the tree of knowledge is mixed good and bad. There's always going to be things that are mixed good and bad in them. And if I know how to make the right analogy and to sift between the good and the bad, so the Torah comes and tells me, "This is kosher. This is not kosher. This is pure. This is not pure. This is permitted. This is not permitted." The Torah is very clear. Tzahor le gabei lavan, black and white. But I have to come and take it the next step and start saying, "Okay, whatever is mixed, what's called klipat nogah, a lot of good and a lot of bad mixed, and I can't recognize it. What's wrong with the going to the beach? What's wrong with this cake? What's wrong with this? What's wrong with that?" Then I have to be smart and analyze and really look in it what is really good in it and what is really not good in it. And again, I'm not saying it's easy. I'm just saying that you're going to face this thing your entire life. Your entire life, you're going to have temptations that are going to be covered with a lot of deception of good and all the excuses why it's good. If you're smart, you're going to recognize it right away, eliminate it, and the ultimate happiness and gratification is going to be an eternal one. Eternal, I'm talking right now even in this world. If chas v'shalom you fall for the deception, the the gratification is going to be immediate and a very good gratification, but then it's going to evaporate like anything in this world, in the physical world, it's going to end. And then you're going to be left with what's called a void, an emptiness. That's what bring people to be unhappy. What brings a person to be unhappy? Eventually, he will be miserable. Then he will be upset. Then he will have all the issues in the world. This is exactly what you're talking about. Then I have to deal with myself. Eze hu hacham ha ro'eh et ha nolad, the smart person who sees what's going to come out of it. So, the immediate gratification will be the ice cream, the beach, or whatever. The long run is going to be my issues, my emptiness, my sadness, my problems, my insecurity, all these things. That's why one needs to be smart and see what's going to come out of it and not what's going to see right out of in front of it. Shall have a beautiful week. B'ezrat Hashem, next Wednesday, we'll do more. You wanted to ask something? You wanted to ask me something? I have another shiur, so I got I don't have much time.