It's all about timing and setting an example - Rabbi Alon Anava

[Music] that's its many different components one of them is the ego but a lot of it is the education because if I if my kids my sons see me treat my wife in a very respectful way and and and I and I acknowledge her her actions and I complement her and I honor her and I respect her they see that the father is respecting the the the relationship is about he's that they see that I respect my wife that I honor her that I praise her that I thank her that I acknowledge everything she does what goes into the subconscious is that the relationship between the husband and wife is oh I have to respect my wife I have that the relationship is not about how my wife looks and and you know bizarre the shame you'll join us for some Shabbat meals but you'll see that in our Shabbat meal my sons they're young ten eight and five they're all Dookie douche and the first thing that they do after they do the kaduche they go with their cup to my wife and they give her a little bit of wine why that my wife came up with that that they will learn that the first one who gets the wine will be their wife and they'd learned that might come with the cup to my mom now it might now the woman in my life is my mom one day I'm gonna have a wife the same love and respect I have for my mom is gonna have to go to my wife and right away I come with my cup to write to my to my wife a lot of this he knew a lot of the education that I give to my sons especially in regards to I want them to see how I'm treating my wife because one day they'll be like oh my father treated my mom like that means that that's the dinner so I can teach my son don't lie it's not good to write don't cheat don't be a bully don't do this don't do that in this the order of Genoa of my kids sometimes I will do things that maybe I don't feel like doing or I don't find it's the right thing but I will do it so my son will see that I respect my wife yeah and that's why I said that's why I said if you know so so I will give you one example at a mini not too long ago my wife she worn a new dress and she tells me oh I think I gained weight do I think you think I gained weight so not that I said it as a lie but it was a good opportunity when my boys were there to tell her you see I told her you beautiful my eyes doesn't matter with the waiter without the weight that's not only I didn't say that because that's how I feel it was also important to me that my son will hear me complimenting my wife saying I don't care if you have more another 10 pounds less than pounds who cares about the pounds I think you gorgeous with with the pounds and without the pounds so even though that's what's really in my heart but it was a hoppity that my son should hear me saying I think you pretty I don't care if you dress nice you're not dressed nice you have lipstick you don't have lipstick so in his subconscious like wow look at my father loves my mom not because how she looks and not because she has a beautiful dress if she has makeup on or jewelry so you know it says Marcel vote C Mon Lebanon the actions of the father is a seaman for the child so a lot of my behavior and it should be the same thing with you as mothers is what my children see so a lot of a lot a lot of you know is just being an example and if I hold myself a certain way that's part of educating and it's not only educating eight-year-olds you can educate a 20 year old also even though a 20 year old is like already a tree that you can really move much but educating you can knock off my kids is for for till the day that I leave this world but and then of course the educating I can educate my grandkids I don't have to be it doesn't end with my kids a grandparent also has a stern another level of educating the point is that we have a responsibility because we have people who look at us and now I want to constantly give an example to give a good example to to anyone around me so bizarre - M it's extremely important how I how I deal with things even sometimes I don't feel like saying the right thing or I want to say something sometimes you know when to zip your mouth is very very important [Music]