Finding your other half... - Amazing tips and guidance - Rabbi Alon Anava

is there like not on [Music] Facebook there's no really answer because you're Basher you want to find a man that is going to be your husband to studies do or you want to find your husband could be that your husband is a lawyer he's not going to study Z he's going to maybe study a little bit in the morning you don't know who's your husband you would want your husband to be a big scholar but you don't know maybe your husband is a big businessman and he's going to support the Yeshiva from many other 40 people who study Z you don't know who you are you don't know what your husband is designed know what to look for uh you let Hashem do his work you do hashem's blind no you do hashem's will Hashem will bring youran to you the more you look the harder it is to find I don't believe in looking but I think I should you no you need to do your part first of all you need to doem you have to do what hem wants you to do you know here I don't know if you have it in New York everything is Subways so I always get a kick out of it that you sit in the subway and everybody goes to the platform and they like look in the tunnel like as if the train is going to come faster because you look in the tunnel sit on the bench read your paper the train is going to come exactly at 8:32 when they T the yeah it never works it's not even connected I know it's never even connected so the thing is you do hashem's will trust me your husband will show up of course you need to do what's called you have to do your you have to make sure that you you know either put yourself on you know in touch with a Matchmaker whatever you need to do something why are you looking for this and that and people will like say things be like why would I meet just a random person so yeah you have to have some type of a definition what you need your [Music] okay so tell the one that learn Z but if he doesn't learn Z it doesn't mean he's not a good person but be beyond that first do what Hashem wants you do what Hashem wants he'll do everything for you and you know what when I when I got to the P point that I wanted to meet my wife so I started going onim and at some point I was like you didn't you know I couldn't find anything and I was like you know what let me just go to Yeshiva I'll sit in Yeshiva for two three years I was then 28 I was like okay I'll study till I'm like 30 and then I look for something and the second that I put myself in the ISA full time two weeks later at my wife cuz I did what said I said I'll do what hasem wants and how did I meet her it was like mamash like the rabbi that I knew he's like I know a girl I think it's going to be a perfect match you see her over there and I already saw her two years ago and I was like okay you know if you insist so the point is that in anything in life you do what hasem wants Hashem will turn everything around that you'll get it on a silver platter that's exactly the thing you just do first what wants and I and guarantee but you have to have a lot of Kabal all a lot of accepting what hasem sometimes hasm tells you I don't want you to get married now I'm totally fine with that there's more pressure outside than don't worry about pressure you don't have to satisfy anyone but Hashem you don't have to satisfy and if you want a certain you have a you know a certain list of qualifications the people make it like no I'm saying like you said a person who studies I know I'm very deep so yeah so you pray for hem what you want but better to pray and tell hem give me what you want for me because 99% of the time the ideal you know all the sh if you go for the questionnaire you get the complete opposite so better to say to hem just give me what's good for me and that's it same thing you know my wife everybody asked me the same question I tell them go talk to my wife cuz my wife was like just send me what's good for me and when I came I came with a very bad resume her parents weren't so happy but she was like that's what hasem decided that's it so you know when there's no expectations the present is the best she'll feel you'll feel it's almost like going to a restaurant and ordering fish if the fish is fresh and good you taste wow if it's all rotten you're like what is this so you have taste buds that tell you how the food is how fresh it is if you connect yourself to the main source of information you see things very clear this is good this is bad the whole world is buil on the concept of good and badal calls it the secret of the tree of knowledge because in the tree of knowledge Hashem told Adam and don't eat from this tree that's the Tree of Life don't eat from this tree that's the tree of knowledge so they ate from the Tree of knowledge and they brought down to the world the concept of this is good this is bad that's why the entire Torah is separating this is good this is bad this is kosher this is not Kosher this is pure this is impure our entire Torah is doing the separation between the good and the bad so if you connect yourself to the one who invented it then you easily see this this is good this is bad this is kosher this is not Kosher so if you walking blindly you'll never know anything but if you connect yourself the right way you'll sit in front of a person you'll be like it's not good thank you Shalom this is good fine I see so many people that come to me and how do I know how do I know just just sanctify yourself make yourself pure make yourself the the the the CLE The Vessel everything will be clear everything will be obvious and clear and no questions no doubts hasem will bring you straight into your face like a on a silver platter just a person has to be in a high level of accepting what Hashem gives there's a famous story you know the Lich rebe in Brooklyn 20 years ago before he passed away he used to give every Sunday dollars thousands of people would stand in line to meet him and he would give a dollar and they would ask ask him questions and talk to him so there's a famous story that one woman one man came and he asked the re can you give me a blessing to find myid he gave him a blessing a while passed the guy never found anybody years passed he got very bitter very upset one time he went back again and he went and he told the REI your blessing didn't work so the REI told him it did she just had a big nose so you know you met your other half but her nose was too big so that's what's the problem with most people they they get they get it oh the you know the body is not so nice the job is not so good just on Shabbat I was talking with a girl and she was asking me about this guy and that guy and I said how you take telling me about the first one that's not the guy for you you know what her answer was but he owns a house and he has a good job and a business I said what what good would it help you waking up in the morning in a fancy house to a man that you can't stand I rather wake up in a small house to not a man but a woman that I you know that's the problem with most people is that they have a list of demand SS and Hashem sends them what they really need and like oh no no no no that's not good I want that and they kind of missed the Train the woman before was asking about divorce yeah of course divorce because if I'm sitting in front of a person and I'm going check check check nice car nice house good job maybe it's not what it's good for me it's not what has wants for me so the point is that you have to be very accepting what hasem gives you and what hasem gives you is exactly L the match for you because your husband came to complete you and you came to complete your husband and if you're working the right way then you completing each other says exactly in what does it mean I'll make him his other half the translation is she'll be a a helpmate again against him so if he's worthy she'll be the helpmate if he's not she'll be against him so that's very simple if if you already met the other half but the the transaction the interaction is not the right way it doesn't work but until you meet the other half if you have a A List of Demands and it's not what hasem wants doesn't matter what you're going to do you're not going to I don't a list but but I I just when people people want to be good and they think they know what's good for you and people push things on you and you have to start sorting out and being like okay you so you have to find you have to find one or two people that really know you and really want the bo best for you and you get your influence from them all the rest you just send them invitation to the wedding that's it but what do you tell them everybody has an idea okay so you you do like this yeahuh uhhuh very good I like that one and then you move on you say it's not for me whatever you have to be diplomatic you don't want to hurt anybody's feelings but sometimes yeah you have to to to you sit in front of somebody you're like wow that's a good idea I'll take it to consideration thank you very much and uh you move on but you really if you want you can't have too many ER advisors you need one advisor two advisor that you that they know you and that they look at you not what they think is good for them what is good for you and just for you so you have to make said you have to say this person they just want me to marry a rich person because they want to say oh my daughter is married to a lawyer so you have to know how to manipulate it and sometimes you have to go you have two walls between the with bullets yeah exactly hold on for a second he's yeah