Rabbeinu Yona on Pirkei Avos 1:5 The Spiritual Pitfall of Excessive Talk With the "Isha"

this torah class is brought to you by torahanytime.com okay now shabbos everyone broke my bomb we have a lot to do today we have a big uh we have a big lineup we have four short shoe rim we're going to start with purchase um we're up to paraka alif mishna hey as we mentioned from revelba one of the four things every jew has to know is the mishna brewer um rasheed ramban allah so this is one of the four sort of basics of limud one of the four basic things that every jews should know so let's learn mishnahi yo i see now by the way on the previous mishna um the question is who's mayhem the only person in the previous generation was antignos it was pointed out to me over yamtif that not everybody reads it that way some have a garrison is should be members of your household do not speak at length with the woman so now let's say what does it mean the woman says the mission is your wife all the more so the wife of your friend mikhan from here the sage is derived calls manchada when the person speaks at length with the woman going he causes harm to himself uboyton he loses out from learning visoifa your head in the end he will inherit a very hot place did i ever mention gehenna is not comfortable so you don't want to have long conversations with the woman you cause bad for yourself you lose that in torah and in the end you inherit gehenna you know it's very interesting imagine somebody would say that don't do the following first of all they're going to put you in a raging fire and also what do you mean and also i think that's enough no i mean i think everything else should pale in comparison to the gehenna the answer is gehenna is a side note gehenna is not the icker over here the most important thing in this world is your soul and if you cause harm to your own soul that's the biggest problem and uh next after your soul is if you could have been learning torah and acquiring slamus and you lose out on that gehenna is the least of your problems anyway let's see what rabbi yonah has it doesn't mean your house should be open wide revaca like the rev there should be a certain generous givings in other words people should have respite in your house there should be harvard people should have pleasantness in your house in your house it should be known as a place where you could get a good bite where you could get a good word oyperus or another chances that your house should be like the house of abraham allah shalom that he would live on the road in an open place kadeshi is so that wayfarers could be able to stay by him his house was open on four sides me called sachi a volume wherever side you would come in there's a door open remember when you were a kid you made the tent of abraham he had four doors meaning don't be the guy who you have like five bolts on your front door with two watch dogs and then a gate with a armed guard at your front door so yeah inside you have good food always available but for somebody to get in it's like you know getting into getting into the kremlin or something now it should be easy access you know obviously you got to protect your privacy and you can't let everybody into your house these days but la maison a deserving person uh who's uh he should feel like it's easy access um and the first shot is people should have harvard in your house in other words when somebody thinks about your house their thoughts should be you know that's a place where i could get a good word and something a good bite now view anime the poor should be members of your house what does this mean who nir shall sneak on him this could be expanded in two ways number one in a situation where you get servants to support in other words you're a wealthy guy you need a driver you need a you need somebody to you need a secretary you need people to work for you so make sure you give the jobs to people who are poor so that you could support them you establish money your finances and you won't have to spend your money on buying meaning in other words if you need to give out a job give it to somebody who needs the money number two vegamishi on emergency the poor should be welcome in your house they shouldn't think oh how am i gonna what should i say to this oyster today i'm gonna have to really compliment him it should be easy for them to get in without boosha bahari salam feel welcome give them a smile so that they shouldn't be embarrassed to come they should feel good they should have permission they could sit down at your table they could go to your water machine they could open up your fridge and take a cup they don't have to uh they don't feel like you're standing on eggshells um kasha you tanish love night launch your base the same way your kid runs down and he raids the fridge and he doesn't say can i take the last piece of chicken when you come home be ready that the last piece of chicken that you wanted one of your kids ate already you know how it goes you know you bought a good treat and you open up the fridge it's gone who ate it your kid ate the whole thing and he's not embarrassed you know so the oni should feel like your house is his house because conversing with women brings to improper thoughts sin and bit now what does this mean as i once heard from khashogg if there's any one who you should speak to at length who needs it it's your wife she deserves your attention but at the same time the mission is saying to be somewhat circumspect and if you don't like how that sounds take it up with the uh redactors of the oral law and with three bundesham himself but there there is some type of balance that is um being said that a person should be careful even in conversation with his own wife now the rabbino younger quotes rashi kiba avoids the sun we find now this is very interesting because what do you mean because of rashi as many you know rashi did not write a commentary on perkier voice the rashi anova says the commentary that purports to be rashi but that means it's quite an early commentary if rabino yoina is quoting rashi so i guess we have to look into this because famously says in his entry on rashi tarashi and pirkyavis rashi on medusaraba rashiyandi rehayam is not from rashi but i saw recently in reb schwab when we're learning about shabbat fila he quotes rashi on and he says even though russian is not rashi me mid russia sharashi yatsa i guess that means it's from tamiderashi the ideas of rashi even if rasheed so maybe the same thing with perce anyway rashi quotes of israel that it's talking about when one's wife is anita ish is don't get involved in excessive chatter with one's wife who's anita you might come to flagrant sin because that tomorrow shall be permitted it's like you have bread in your basket because you know that you will be able shall be mutter eventually um they said be circumspect in your conversation call shakeem certainly the wife of a gentile kenyan chinamar mayam genevin myantaku this is a very important idea don't make a mistake and think uh the neighbor's wife is much more attractive no not at all it's just us sir and because it's user therefore it becomes sweet rav miller would say think about it water has no taste water has zero taste so how could you say yim taku the answer is the fact that it's stolen it adds flavor so a person should recognize that objectively your own wife is much more beautiful is much more attractive it's just that the eight sahara tries to persuade you because the other the grass on the other side is not yours that conjures up this false allure but that's naim genova venir le farcia says actually in his opinion there is an idea don't talk too much even to your own wife don't have these uh excessive conversations so that you don't frequent her every day in other words this is uh to um curtail excessive indulgence even with one's own one's own wives a person should not live with their wife for just pleasure mitzvah just in order to fulfill the mitzvah and the responsibility to one's wife laha frisbee behemoth there has to be a difference between man and anima an interesting thing it's not that the excessive conversation and maybe he'll get to can lead to los angeles that might be true that's not the point the point is since a person should um utilize a degree of of um of moderation when in their relationship with their wife excessive conversation may lead one to go beyond the threshold of moderation that excessive conversation may lead somebody to be with their wife above and beyond what's needed to keep a person a separate a person checked from the eight sahara but rabindrayana continues what does it mean if you speak successfully with a woman you cause evil to yourself kalimar reim shahayitz or miss gaber allah it fuels the yatsar shanikara ra the eighth serve is called bad means you bring the eight sahara basically the atar was sleeping he was dormant he wasn't excited and because of this excessive conversation it woke up the ethic yeah is very difficult even his creator called him bad shinamaki is now don't blame this on anyone else you brought it on yourself you invited the eight sahara you said rabbit sahara please wake up get going you know it's like you know it's a sleeping dog and like in the cartoons you know the guy he oh he lifts up the ear of the sleeping dog and he screams in the air the sleeping dog what do you expect so you have this excessive conversation yeah how what'd you think of the shava brachas yeah did you did you like the way they folded the napkin did you like the what do you care how they fold to the net why are you talking about how they folded the napkin you think she cooked the food or she got it catered well who cares what difference does it make you if you liked it you liked it you didn't like it you didn't like it where's this conversation going nothing good is happening from this the and you brought it on yourself frizz you are actually more excessive than other people other people yeah the asahara sometimes prevails over them avobolo shiasi and goren that's not that's in a situation where they didn't necessarily cause itself meaning everybody else in the world there are times it's a hard just you know blows them over but they they weren't the one who brought the yazar on themselves number two ubitumi the retire ki max ah thought in torah will not be possible before your eyes when you are focused on a woman and the ki in her conversation with her kihein now i think this is nifla i would have said you know why you shouldn't have a lengthy conversation with a woman because you could have been learning a black amara then you could have been learning from you're safer now rabbinion is not talking about that ravenous talking about what is the status quo mindset of the mind of a person in other words where should a ma a person's mind be focused one's mind should be focused on and if you're conversing with a woman then your mind cannot be in that status quo of thing entire sounds like if i'm talking to of my friend how are you what's doing that's not such an engaging conversation it's not getting you're not it's not flaring up your juices that you can't be thinking at the same time raw young is saying that when a person is conversing with the woman the cert the way that type of conversation takes the mind in it completely diverts you away from the focus on lima data in other words rabbi yeager pointed out other ishinum learned that stam if you have a conversation somebody it's wasting time i think roberto yona is making a different point of this the point is that there's a certain frame of mind where a person even if they're not like actively thinking what's their mindset is they're churning divreitara and as soon as you start conversing with the woman the way the human psyche is is that it diverts you away from that type of thought anyway our rabbinica says further versailles in the end you're going to come to sin because now you're just following the whims of your heart and you're speaking with her you're going to sin um i find more bitter than death the woman which is a trap the haram liba her heart is a snare a surum yadav her hands are tied like him yemale someone who's good before god will be spared from her and a sinner will be trapped by her marv i don't understand i have a question is this person violating yehuda or is this person not violating yikh is he speaking with the woman behind the closed door or not if the door is closed let rabbanuyana say he's violating ekhod so of course he's going to sin the answer rabbi is obviously the guy is conversing with the lady on the street or even worse at the kidus in a school where they don't where they don't have the right guideline where it's men and women standing together conversing and that conversation even though there are other men around that conversation roberto youno says will lead to sin that will be the end of it and therefore always try to do people a favor that when you make a simcha you want it to be a simracha you want it to be a joyous occasion you don't want there to be any negative outcome from that so when you keep men on one side and women on the other side you're you're not only doing a favor you're helping out all of the people participating in the simcha that they will be spared from any difficult situation very interesting death only takes you out from this small world a woman could destroy the soul forever i didn't i didn't realize this more bitter than that how could something be more bitter than death the answer is death is not the it's not a great thing but it only takes you out of this small world but that is something more bitter than death could be asa isha ashrahim it's adam it's a trap for a person kevin shama bit by looking at the woman nilkar hubarishta you fall in her trap ash so you say ah but i'm bigger than that it would never happen to me it would only happen to somebody on a very low madrega pal it's happened to people a lot greater than you it's happened to sadiq much more righteous than you it's happened to much more pious people than you okay so if they were in danger it's happened to people like so here's the deal just realize that on the totem pole of who it could happen to you're on the bottom of the list if you're living today in 2022 out of 100 out of you know the totem pole of the jewish people history we're the most likely we're the most in danger so we have to take the most precautions don't say oh 50 years ago hundred years ago they were able to live normally and nothing yeah because they were much healthier than we are in our times no precaution is excessive anyway um kyo a person looks at what they want and they forget what's going to happen in the end like the python said the foolish dove goes in the desert roya is habbar he sees the food vein aroya he doesn't see the trap okay so that's how you have to think of it you see somebody who you think could be enticing what you should think is i see a trap i see a net i see a trap that's what you see don't think oh i see the food no you have to see the net the haram liba and trap is her heart when she desires man in her heart ee sahu you should know stay away even if you don't want her if she wants you you're dead meat so you don't even want to be within the purview that your bad muscle is that the other person should want you kimazola yara asurum her hands are a prison foreign so if you think i don't know should i go there's no mejitsa over there i don't know i don't want to insult anyone but it's too it's a very big temptation do yourself a favor say oh i feel so bad i couldn't make it i wasn't feeling well please forgive me write them a big check and do yourself a favor but that's um where rabbi save me from the eight sahara because without your help it's it's daunting don't be a fool don't play with fire don't say nah it's not it's only get out of there like it's a fire vainly by shaolin miss domino so you know who's going to be niksha someone who doesn't take it seriously someone who's not concerned someone who says nah i'm past that already okay rabbi uh here's the next next offering you've just experienced another torah class brought to you by torahanytime.com