Tell your children you love them even while you're disciplining them.. It will ultimately help them

today I want to talk about a very common episode that happens in most marriages when I see couples they come in and they discuss different types of issues but I see is that people who feel feel very turned off they get turned off what happened my spouse did this did that it's not the first time therefore I don't love him anymore I don't have any feelings I don't love her and I love him they feel turned off the thing is that when we are children little kids we learn from our parents how to deal with emotions I call it the emotional equations different types of emotions the way my parents dealt with their anger their guilt even their communication which we're not gonna be talking about communication today we're gonna be talking more about feelings we learn from our parents just by being there behaviors just by growing up in their homes what happens a little child does something wrong they were hutzpah dick or they broke something which is very devastating very hurtful for the parents and to spend so much money for those vows and the child wasn't negligent it fell on the floor and broke so the parents screams and yells at the kid why did he do whatever the child it feels okay my parents disciplined me very nice but at the moment now my parents don't love me they don't love me they feel a disconnect but that's not the way they should feel if you could tell your child you are not going to do this in this I love you very much but I'm not going to let you do this you are very dear to me you are not doing this what your child is hearing my parent Blum's me but parents to discipline me regardless if I agree with what my parents is angry for an outdoor disciplining before but I know my parents to love me and when a child grows up that way later on a marriage when they live with their spouse they're able to separate I'm angry I'm hurt but I still love and care for my partner it's not a contradiction if you look at the hilum you see the Adame look I mean the whole thing was like that a woman who described the sham nobody has complaints the other minute is singing and that's healthy actually if someone hurts you you don't hate them you're upset at them you feel hurt if someone despises you betrays you again and again yes then you totally turn no because that's a person you cannot love but if this is a person that you feel connected to you had a very nice relationship when they met in the beginning there's something there but there's you know there's always different things that are each other there's always could be someone that is gonna be always on time the other part was always late so I'm gonna stingy the other one is throwing money out of the window one person likes to sit on vacation on a couch the other one wants to run around on vacation but that's the way I made it it's always gonna be different types of people you could date three years you will get married you see differences but you respect each other differences but sometimes the difference or their behavior or their goals or their values are different than yours it irks you but why should have taken it from love why should think away from connection and caring for the other if you're upset your wife embarrassed if she said something in public in front of your family she made a mistake so now you turned off you don't love her anymore you're a kid for it anymore that's something that's that I want to talk about today and I feel that if we're going to be able to overcome this and understand that if I teach my child I'm going to discipline you but I still love you I love you very much not I still love you I love you then that child is going to be able to separate these feelings when they get older and ultimately when it comes our relationship does show we constantly tell our kids Hashem is very angry with you because you did this Samara you hurt your kids you heard that one you did this you did that Hashem is angry and she was never angry at us Hashem loves us I should created clouds to a half tsk woman Hashem and nobody could argue no pusuk Hashem who loves cloudy so even when we do a virus of course whether the sugar we have to try not to Da Bears but if we tell our child or we tell ourselves that the only way I could connect if I always constantly do everything good no that's not relationship not the way we relate your sham another way of sham relates to us and not us to others so there's a very important lesson that I want to talk about today this is it you have to be able to translate hurt into hurt it's a feeling love into love love does not go away when there is hurt you can be upset at someone you could be mad you can be sad why this should take away love and care if my child misbehaves I will show my child that I love them unconditionally and regardless but I'm your father and I'm going to discipline you there's gonna be consequence because I love you and don't be stingy on words for some reason we get stingy when it comes to words say it say it I love you II have deep sleep because I missed it to me just say it in whichever language you say it who hop tsk omotchama shrimp said it there's no shops there's no sting genus Hashem wanted us to know that He loves us and throughout the whole tide again and again and again and again even while claudia was doing a virus in the indeed i color this constantly you see the next word is a harvester shell and this is hopefully going to be the best way you could teach your children to constantly separate so when they have friends at school I know the older girls this there's a lot of relationship issues between the kids they're growing up and they're you know they have their struggles if you teach them it's okay that girl doesn't know yet how to communicate that girl is not so mature as you but you can still be nice to that person you can still share a care and slowly but surely have have a good relationship so that person that's something wrong you don't despise the fellow have people out of the windows just because they didn't do something right and back to marriage work on it because I'm telling you I think that according to the amount of people that I've seen in the last 15 years it's way too common and that's why I decided to make this video thank you and I really hope that this is going to change slowly but surely thank you