Rabbi Shloime Ehrlich - Each Child Another Shevet; A Unique Approach

The topic tonight is every child a unique a unique tribe, a unique approach. Right? That was the um again as I said in our speech today that I have a lot of experience dealing with the boys and trying to connect them with the parents back and forth and we have a lot of experience hands-on experience doing this for many many years. So there is a uh there's a common belief that every family is a style. This family is let's say this family is this is all kinds of types. This is this is how the family works. And everybody wants it to be that way because everybody wants to it's easier. Let's say you uh you're a gak. So you want to have your children to be the same and everything the same the same and hug him the same thing and then it's easier for the family and it's it seems more it's nicer and everything but we all know that it doesn't work like that all the time. Many times we have different children and everybody has their own uh their own route that they want to take how they want even if they I'm not saying even challenge kids but the children want to grow up in a certain way that they you know whatever pulls them the problem is there was a brother and he has a brother that he's older boy older boy is 22 23 forget about the parents already. So he one day he tell he told me of course not in the middle of learning was after learning. So he tells me that his brother is getting older and his parents are very concerned and he's thinking an idea there's a girl down the block a family they have a daughter and she's also an older girl 21 and he wants maybe if I could be the shakan to take this boy for this girl I should call up. I said, "No problem. Just give me two names." I call I call up this woman, the mother of this girl. And I say, "Hey, my name is I want to give you a a suggestion for have a sh suggestion for your daughter. This and this boy." And she starts telling me, "Do you know my daughter?" I said, "No, I just heard some some, you know, more or less what type she is and this and this boy is like this, he's like that, this mid is good midas, and he's I was telling her she was like so excited. It's exactly what we're looking for." And I go on and on and on and on. And she says, "Okay, which is he?" I said, "He's he belongs to this and this." And she says, "No, is not for us." I said, "Why? We're visionets. What do you mean?" I said, "What do you talk about?" She says, "No, it doesn't work. It's it's my husband sings all the vision songs shabas by the table and he's not going to know the song." I kind of that that that's what that's where it ended basically the and I felt bad for her. I know that not everybody is like that extreme, but there is a point here that we all have a a certain image, a certain design in our brain how we want our families to look like. And although we're not everybody's that extreme, but at the end of the day, in our family, we don't wear long shadles. And our family, we only wear long skirts. Alamina, it's it's like a a I think that in 2019, this has to stop. It has to stop because it's creating issues. We have our girls, they're going to school. I have my have a large family and my kids going to different schools. I mean the girls are going to a school and the boys there's a certain um model the way the the school works a certain model about what they're into what it's not what's considered in this school is in a different school considered a the other way everybody is their own it's very nice but to say that every child because they went to the same school they're the same one one of my daughters likes to wear a different color let's say nail polish this child wants that I Am I going to fight it? What what am I going to create? I'm going to create rebellion. The child is not going to want to go along. There's a in the to it says was the father from the 12 he gave them the we know right before he was I want to he he gathered all his kids and he says I'm going to pass away and I want to give all of you a a but we all know it wasn't just a brah was a mission statement he was telling all the he called reven and he's giving him a whole mu said exactly what mission is out of this world and then Shiman and the Levy and he is such different Isask you go learn you go to work and he wasn't just talking to them he was talking to their children the sha the whole he understood that every child has a total different mission on this world it says t and ms lean there was but they were all very stuck or so to speak fit in in a certain mahal has to be yanavini and Emis he was able to he was much broader and MS is alf is the first and then in other words he understood according to all the levels all the alabis different levels from Madraas and he was the one that was able to be the father of Kali to have to to have and what came out you had lei and in ley was split he had kahan levim it was never like we're all the same it never worked that way each and every one of them got a different mission they all had different natures they were very different beings and this is something that for some reason got lost throughout the ghoulas that parents are very stuck that our kids need to be the same and we need to take the same approach certain children besides of their nature they have some kids are are are driven some one child is a thinker the other child is a feeler let's say one child is more of an extrovert introvert different types of kids so different types of mahalen fit for them the problem is When we create an image before we get married, all of us have a certain I want my children to be I want my kids to be like there's a whole which is very nice. It's it's good to create some kind of plan how you want your family to be and nice and healthy and very good. But you need to understand that it it's not always that all your children are going to grow and become and be the same exact like their fathers, their mother is. It's it's just not going to happen that way. and and even more so in 2009 in in in our in our age. There is too many kids that are very different than than the parents. It used to be a little different. I guess there was it it just it's just different. I think all of us who have as children or many children if you you see when they're born you see right away one child always gives away their snack. The other child knows how to the snack from the other kid and they they negotiations and they argue. It's every child is different. We all born with a very different nature and different thing. There's a family in Borak that has 18 kids. Can I not? I remember when I was a child that were already up to the younger kids that were my age and each and every one of the children over there is total different. One is a litm one is one is a belina like and some people say it's like it's a mixed up family. It's like and I look at it total opposite. I know the parents and I know the family. I mean I've seen many of the brothers and the sisters. All of them grew up beautiful, very successful in their own communities wherever they came to be. The parents gave them a unique how to be how to be a mench and that's it. And from there on you take it whichever one child his his his nature and his home worked with you he went to this is great for him. The other kid it went to a different place it was good for him. It's it's it's everybody has their own unique place wherever it was pulling them. It's it's no it it doesn't have to be the same. So each child grew up different but to say that they're confused and it's a bad I want to tell you something the bashmtov the bashmtov had many talmid and you look around today it's only a fraction without Hitler killing the the other would have had hundreds of types was so different on one hand but the mission and the idea you look at the bash he gave a mission he had a he had a uh message for the world but he never told us to meet them exactly how to do it he gave them he gave them ideas there's like There's a cipher many different things that he that he he stood for messages that he had for the world and he gave us to his some of them from from Polish from from Hungary from Romania from from Russia and all of them took it in their own ways you look at the one generation later two generations later it's like so different their ideology the way they look at things but there's always a common denomin there's always a common thing that the bashmtov gave a message he never dictated that all his talidum have to be the same and relay the message. The same way he had a message. He gave it over and he said, "This is it. Take it. There's a there's a says it says you should send away the mother first. If you want to take the eggs, you send away the mother first. You take the eggs like this." She doesn't have. So he says that we could learn from this something deeper. The says it. says you should when you go to a Reb when you go to a teacher a mentor you should throw away the M m is in the language M means like a mother something that that that that fruitful that you can learn something from it says throw out all the and all these nice things it's important but very nice take out take home the take home the message and that's what the did he has a message and he gave it out he did not nobody Nobody wrote all the tyrus on the bash of this there's very little written from him. The only half from is tidum the swim that they wrote and you'll you look at it you see there were mish totally different opposite everybody wore different lavush everybody had different clothing everybody different message total different opposite you look you look at from kabat today till till till till breastlift all of them it's before there was even more war there was all kinds they were very different there's no need felt that has to the same. It has to be like a certain like soldiers. Everybody's to be dressed the same and marched the same. It doesn't work like that. As older, they're working for the same milis needs to have all kinds of people. We need to have all kinds of missions and all kinds of things. And that's why it's very important to understand that there's all colors and all types. But it happens in families also. So now when you have a child that's challenging you, you have to work on this idea even even even stronger even deeper because you need to understand that this child has a very unique mission in this world. this child as something Hashem put this child into a regardless if they were abused or whatever create whatever caused or seemingly caused them to become uh this this this wandering soul or this searching person or this whatever it is confused soul whatever it is it was there it was made it was sent by Hashem he wants this child a whole different mission there was um I once heard from uh from Dr. the Pelawitz maybe some of you know the story masa um he said that he once had a a a zida a a a person called him up and he said I have one of my children is very challenging and this child is always different all my kids are very special and this child is always I think he needs therapy there's something wrong with this child and maybe you can see I said Dr. Belquid said sh isn't tight. He comes in and he starts analyzing him and and he is a regular healthy kid and he said what's the issue? Said I don't know I just want to go to work. I'm very into money and I want to you know I want to dress a little more mad. I'm very into my looks. I'm not some men have a little tendency of looking a little more you know and he had nothing more than that. So Sean he calls up the father and he says your child is a healthy child. He's just different. He just just not he says you don't understand this son is a mager and this is a yeshiva this one is a rav and this one and this daughter is a principal my wife is this and this is the only child there must be something wrong is think what is he going to do hey this there's nothing so he says you know what out of the blue he doesn't even know why he thought about it he said you know what how about you come together with all your children to the office next visit together with your son with this boy and we'll discuss it and he said by the way you have grand you have parents there's grandparents said yes your family's is close. Yeah, bring them along. Fine. The whole MBA walks in. Dr. Belas, I don't know how many they had over there. Much malam teachers, everybody walks in. And Dr. Pelwood says, "I want to tell you guys, I want to break the news. Every person is different and this child is even more different. And this child wants to grow, you all have to start respecting this kid. You have to be loyal to this. You have to understand that this kid has his own mission. He has his own life. if he has his own he's he's he's and the father started saying it's not true maybe we could like make do incentives that he should want to learn more maybe should and Dr. said what what are you doing not everybody's made to learn and he's we know this is the brings that if a person sees that gar doesn't work for him starts learning sometimes is the thing you know like I like to always more than when I was a book every if if this doesn't work for you maybe whatever works for you that means that you're has to do that not everybody's made to do the same exact so just it's like the bal is telling them I know exactly this word the different words like this. Suddenly the zid the grandfather is standing there and he says I want to talk a minute. Can I can I talk? Go ahead. He says I want to tell you something my dear son and my dear over here before the war I came you know your eli from a very very special family were allen to I was the same like this. I was the dropout. I was the one that went to work as a teenager and I wasn't I wasn't into all these things like no family and of course my family started rejecting me a little bit and this and that and because I was working I was you know there was no smartphones but he had he was into the news and he's listening and he saw there's a Hitler coming and this he said one day I came and I told my parents I said I'm leaving I'm leaving to America because there's a war coming just learn we're going to learn we're going to Toyota takes away all the gazirus and everything just Don't worry. And he said, I'm packing my bags. You guys could come along if you want. If not, Z is in Gavas. He packed his bags. They came to America. And he says, my whole family, brothers, sisters, parents, everybody perish, perished in in in the war. And all of you are here only because of me, the dropout of the family. All of you Ben and all of you are here only because of that. Dr. Pelitz is right. We need this. Let him be. Let him be. You never know. They were lucky enough to have a story to see it. But it's it's something that we can learn from this a message. We never know where a child where the destination is. And also, Hashem sees the the big picture. Sometimes we look at our child and it's so painful to see a child doing bad choices. It's very painful. Hashem sees the big picture. He has a bird's eye view more. He can see the next generation. and the next generation. If you see today, the biggest inspirers today, the biggest speakers today in the world are Balichua. And the other big inspirers today are the Kabatka that are working with Balachuva. And because they're working with them, they have to become more advanced in knowing how to answer questions about Hashem and how to inspire people. And these balu when they come from being from the world from the from the outside world and they they take Idish kite upon themselves they are the ones that are able to to articulate and to and to and to bring out all these beautiful messages about kites. Because of them we created ahat and ashat is making today and and all these places are making more balas from the from the FFBs from from birth than balichua by now because we are the ones that are bought into a system and we're learning you know we're growing up and everything has to go this way now you have to sit now you have to d you have to do this and the children today are asking questions as we said in our sweeps today and they're becoming you know deciding asking questions where did they go who answers the questions the Balichu you go to I don't want to say the names because it's a but there's so many of the greatest speakers today are balu people there or them or people that work with balachuat so now let's look back there was alaba in the that she had a child that went off she was crying a she saying to him she said hashem why didn't you listen to my tilis and hashem said what a minute why vi her children were born and raised in south Africa wis whoever it was they went to college over there and there was I don't know what the other and became from and now this kid this is inspiring thousands of thousands of yen around the world said your child that went over the it's not Hashem made it should be in a way that he shouldn't even have because it wasn't his fault it was influenced or she was influenced by by whatever so she didn't even have a I'm just giving a mushul of how to see that sometimes Hashem sees the big picture we don't we don't see the G there was there was many like the other Bash was saying before by by Shashid is the woman who weren't there he was saying that that with Manasha he didn't want to have a child and this whole Hashem has his plans we have to always see that there's a bigger picture and we have to understand that sometimes a certain child or many of our children have to come up with something and they they're trying to experience life in a different way. They're trying to see things in a different way. So, how do we do it? How do we juggle all these? How do we juggle all types of children in the same house? And then you still have the regular kids that are the the cookie cutter kids, whatever we call them, like the the ones that are, you know, that work along with the cycle with the system and they they they they behave the way you want, they get dressed the way you want and everything's fine. the non-challenging kids living in the same house as this child that's this that's that's challenging you and you know doing all kinds of uh painful things in the house and and and you're scared they're going to become influenced I want to tell you something personal I'm a second marriage the children my children my wife's children are raised in my house house together with my wife and they're doing great but they're being exposed to the other side of the family when they go there for visitations to to the family that's not so religious anymore to the father that's not so religious anymore the way we are so in the beginning of times it was a lot of people saying ah they're going to be exposed they're going to see different types of yiddish they're going to see people and I kept saying it doesn't matter I'm putting in the salad salad into all the kids and they'll make smart choices they're all big teenagers years, almost the years, and they're all doing great. Not only great, they're better than the other kids in their class because they're open. They understand. They had questions they asked me. They've been exposed. They're they're they're not so they could handle the world even they're like tougher. Sometimes the kids that grow up in in in challenges and they've seen things, they grow up much more solid. I know the family my child that was mish on drugs and tattoo on one hand and he was doing a crazy kid. hyperactive like you've never seen. And and I used to, you know, work with the fathers. He was so worried about his other kids. I said, just make salads your other kids. Talk to them about kite and excitement and and explain to them that this kid is different and he has his mission in the world and he has going through his struggles. The other kids are doing amazing. Mamesh, I'm I'm looking now after 10 years. I'm looking back, you know, trying to think before Shabas different families that I helped in the last 15 years. They're doing amazing. These kids are growing up stronger than ever before. Our children I don't know where most people come from Burough Winsburg Lakewood Crown Heights. We have all the kids are the same. They're going to the same in the same place. If you look at the out of town kids, the kids that grew up in in places where there's five kids in the class, I have a friend of mine that grew up in Vienna. Another person I remember, he was in Denmark. There was there was one lab kid in the class, one Sabber kid, and and two very modern kids. And that was the whole class. All of them grew up. He's telling me like he's looking back so solid, so strong. They grow up that there's diversity, there's different types of things. It's okay. Our other children are only going to become stronger by seeing the way you deal with this challenging child with this child that's going through now their own they're they're finding themselves or some say creating themselves or whatever you want to call it. It's it's it's it's only going to make them stronger. It's not going to was so worried by being macar this kid that that fell out that it's going to ruin the other kids. It that does not happen usually. It's the opposite. If they see you're not lost, you understand that this is your kid. This is your mission and your mission. And that's how it's the way it's supposed to be. We've seen Tanak. We've seen the Gummuda. Many many families in the olden days used to be like this. It was every child was different. It was it was a given that every child is different. But now for some reason after the Holocaust the way we we set back all that it became that if I'm all my kids have to be if I'm have to it has to be that way and this is something that we the parents over here are going to teach the world outside the rest of the the people that don't have now at the moment uh children that are struggling they're learning from us a lot of things a lot of the speakers over here that come they get inspired by this shabas and the previous shabas if they're not working hands-on on with these parents and with these kids. They're the ones that are becoming educated and then they go back to their kahillas and their shs and they they they look at life and and and at the family value it's such a different image and this is teaching the the rest of the rest of the it's teaching them that you have to understand is and everybody has their own different way of seeing things. I want to share with you a story. There was the um there was a a couple it's a story from 15 20 years ago but it's it's a gamasa there was this uh couple that the wife started after she wanted to be I guess keep at risk as a girl and she couldn't because of after the wedding sometimes some kids push it off because the parents are so strict while they're teenagers so they keep it in you're not allowed to do this you know and they're able to have control but it plots after the wedding there very common in the high 20s and the 30s. There's a lot of people that are go through their second teenage years then it's some kind of it's a whole so this this woman was going over the d she's dropping ydish kite every day more and more and more and they had one child a boy and the father was a and he had to divorce her she stopped keeping everything that that was supposed to keep at home and he came to a boy he said listen we can't live together so there were they got separated and was getting ready to get divorced she said I'm taking the boy with me. He doesn't need to be this this whole thing is below. And he dropped the whole Yiddish I'm taking this child with me and this and she meanwhile found a boyfriend in she went and he lives in Texas. So she wanted to move there to go there with her boy and live with a real low low people. So he went to court obviously he's trying to fight. He didn't want his child to to go there together with his wife over there. who's fighting and fighting and the law in New York in New York state I'm not sure of all the states is that the child has to the children have to remain the same religious status as they were before the parents got divorced after all so in other words if one becomes a goyer if a go becomes E the child has to be until they're 16 years old when they're 16 the child could decide whatever they want I think 16 and 15 trying he won that so he knew he has he had another like five years to go six years to go with this kid and the boy was with him his ex went Texas. She's living over there with these Harley-Davidson guys, like real low people. Shut. And he has 5 years. The boy keeps on saying, I'm going back to mommy. You know, it's it's and she keeps on bribing, telling on the phone, you're going to see you're going to come. And so he has 5 years to go. And he's trying to put into his child whatever he could that when he's going to go there, he should still be salad. So he's trying to think trying to think for yourself, what would you tell this child? How would your shabas table look and how would your relationship be with this child for the next five years that when the child is going to go there the child should not fall the child should not drop everything you started thinking he educated himself he started to talk about ydish kite history and he talk about all kinds of he's talking to every day when the child came up from yeshiva from he was talking to the kid made relationship with him he took him out he became buddies with the kids like this when the child is going to go there the child's going to call back all the time you know until be 189 19 could maybe eventually move back here and drop the whole thing. Of course, the father succeeded. The child went there and by now this this this boy got married. This he's okay. But I was thinking about the story. I know I know people that know this. I know someone that knows this person. He says he wishes he could go around in the whole Kalisru and tell everybody how to treat their children at home because we are living in Texas. We are living already in a place our children are already exposed. They could be exposed any second to the biggest schmutz in the world. In a second they could be exposed to the to apocarsis. I'm telling you there's there's a there's a the bottom thing that the biggest issue of the internet is schmutz. It's a much bigger issue up apocarsis and and it's not even real upperceurs but at least if someone is not educated enough they they they get exposed to all kinds of shalas and cautious and yushka which but if they're not uh prepared for it they don't know how to deal with it but this is a bigger issue so we're already living in Texas it's right over here what would you do with your child to make sure that the child should not get exposed to all should should stay your friend should stay in the circle should stay in the f should stay giddish Why can't we do it? Why do we have to wait till the child goes over there and then go, "Oh, the child's over there. Now I have to I have a choice." This is something that we have to work on right now. Can we do it? Can we do We said five more minutes. Wow. Can we do it? Someone show them by the door. Can we do it with our child? That's a keep. Can we do it with a child? That's what we know how. We could if we know how, but if we do it right now, try to think that your child is going to be moving to a a a midbr, a place where there's no Yiddish whatsoever. What would you do? You would talk to your child and you would give them Jewish pride, regular Jewish pride, just being proud to be a Yid. What did the Jews do for the world? Regular stuff, not even talk about Yiddish. You would give them Jewish identity. You would give them the family value. You would give them the love. You would give them the connection. you would get connected to your child like your best friend. I have good news for you. All of our kids, not only our kids that are struggling need us to become their best friends. Of course, it has to be with their adult and he's a child understand that has to be some some boundaries. Obviously, your father and the Reba today has to become friends with the kids. When I used to go to Kaida, I used to when I saw my Reb Shabas and Sh I was a kid. I ran the other I was so scared of my Reb was like in a pocket. My kids, they see the Reb, they run to him and say, "Oh, Chabas, they go to But it's this is how it has to become. If you want to save the next generation, it's only getting the world is becoming more and more open and there's more and more Texas over here. There's more and more of the of that kind of situation that we need to understand that all of them need to get and there's a few ingredients that every child needs to get. This is regardless of which shaven they are and regardless of what type of kid they are, what type of personality they are. Like we said before, there's there should not be a minus. There's a minus. If a child does not feel secure and stability at home, that's a minus that that child is a broken shattered. He has to know that his parents, his mother's father's here for them through sick and thin and we're here for you. You're stable. You're in a stable home. You're in and and and and you're secure. You're safe. Safety is number one. And then of course a plus, which is not only a plus, it's a necessity. Love. They have to feel connected to you that you love them. You care for them. And we know what love is. What is love? Hashem said, "I love you." What does that mean? A is giving. I care for you. Someone could tell you, "I love you a thousand times." But if they don't care for you, they're not in tune in your feelings and your needs. They don't love you. They need something from you. Loving you means that I care for you. And when you feel cared for very much, there's a feeling that ignites in you. And the name of that feeling is I feel loved. Love is the name of a feeling that gets awakened when we when we give love or when we feel love. When we give care and we feel cared for. That's when you feel loved. That's when you're able to give. There was a that came to Balata and he said, "Reb my hashem. I want to know what's more important. Loving or loving is huge. Is huge. Which one is bigger?" to Balatan. He says, "They're both the same." He says, "What does that mean? What do I work on?" He says, "Hashem said, I love you. I love if you love someone, you love their children. You love who they love." So, it's one thing. If you love that means that you love if you love Hashem, that means that you have to love. If not, it doesn't go like that. So, what does loving means? We have to care for each other. We have to give. We have to really if if a person hurt themselves, you have to pick them up. You have to care for another and we think doing mitzvah and it's always outside of the home. It's like oh was you know doing all kinds of it's all at home. It's in the house and all of our children regardless if if they're the struggling ones if not if they're the ones they're going through now they're and different nature than you. I think a man that came to me mish before after m and he's talking and he says but how can I love my daughter if if she walks in with a skirt with a dress like this how could I love her I said how could you not love her what does what does a yiddish have to do with you loving her she's your child you love her what's even telling you not to love this child the child is not growing up the way you want you love a child because you love your child it's there it's there's no other loves us regardless if we if we're if we're in a high level or If we do it a separate Hashem loves us and he wants us to love every year and is the same thing and that's the second thing we need to have love and the third thing is which is another plus which is a a necessity of a plus is obviously self-confidence. You need to build them up and tell them how special they are that you're able and you're capable self-esteem self-confidence. um you know they should feel that they're that they they're they have a dignity they have something that they're worth for there's a someone says I'm not confident if I would sit tomorrow into into a plane I don't want to drive a plane you think my wife trusts me about Hashem very much but you think she'll she'll be comfortable I never drove a plane in my life so does that mean that that she doesn't have confidence in me she doesn't have confidence in me that I know how to drive a plane but she has confidence in me that I'm a good father maybe that I'm a good husband that I'm good this that I'm good that a person is not a confident person. If someone never cooked in their life, say, "I'm not so confident in my cooking." Does that that mean you're not a confident person? So, if that's the case, you could find in every child, even while they're going through all these interesting stages and all these mishagas that they're going through, you could still tell them, "I'm very confident in you. You're a great driver. You're a great this." And you tell them and you show them that I'm comfortable. Even when you drive fast, you know, I have a teenage son. I know what it is. And I'm like biting my tongue like holding like that and he's driving and he's you know on the highway because I felt that's the only place where I could give him at that time that I'm that I'm I'm confident in him. You find somewhere where you give them I'm confident in you. I love you. I care for you. You're important to me. I'm attuned in your feelings. I know what you feel. I I And then security when something happens I'm the first one that's going to bail you out. I'm the first one. me and mommy going to the first one that going to be here for you regardless if it's going to cost us money, if it's going to cost us headaches, whatever it is, we are you are secure in the family are secure. You can have outside the seemingly these kind of friends that they go out to party with and the other when it comes to when it comes to any struggle they they drop you in a minute. Tati and mommy home is the place where you are very safe. This is the place where we care for you. This is the place where we where we where we uh where we love you and we care for you. And I think that to conclude, it's a shame. I wanted to say a few more things, but we'll have to finish. But the idea is that all of our children are a different All of our children, the struggling ones, the non-strugging ones, one kid is going to come out of London and one is going to come out a businessman. And what if you give them one mission, the mission is be your best. Bring out the best in yourself and whatever you are good at, I'll support you. This is what I'm here for you. Whe whichever direction it is, if it's in success in any way, I'm here to back you. I want to give you whatever it takes. I'm not telling you which direction to go. I'm not dictating if you should be this type of Eid, if you should be that type of Eid. I'm not dictating that. We are here as parents to give you the encouragement to be whichever works for you. What did they say that? They said that there's a song in it. says when you come up with shaman they're going to ask you did you give it all you've got that's all they're going to ask you did you give it all you've got so all of them are given something else everybody's a talent everybody's their own brain and everybody has something to give for this world otherwise they wouldn't be here created all of us here for a reason and all of us have some mission over here sometimes the parents at the moment cannot see what is the mission of this kid this kid is sitting in the basement on their phone on the computer over there for for days you How many how often I have these people going I don't what's my kid doing down there I don't want to I don't want to disturb you but didn't come up for supper didn't come up for lunch come down over there they're like sleeping they're like on on Facebook on Instagram there for hours and all the fake friends and and they got s and and you're like I'm telling you something there is a mission this kid has this kid has to go through this this ages and stages you know there's all kinds of stages that a child goes through we have to let them it's I mean you have to try obviously different from which everybody's is their own mentor how to exactly do with their child. But the general statement is the general rule is every child has to go through whatever they have to go through. But eventually they're all going to shine in their own way. We've seen many people anybody that's over 30, 40, 50 years old. And you look back you've seen friends that were losers when they were 20. They're so successful when they're 40. And how many times did we see this successful the top girl in class, the top this, the top that you look 10 years later, they're like zombies. We don't know. It's everybody has their time and their thing. If your child is going through a struggle now, it's very painful. It's very hard to watch it. But you have to understand there is a plan. But for me to help my child get to their plan and be successful is I have to give them security. I have to give them love and confidence. These are the three things you give it to them and you tell them go out whichever direction. You know, one child, you know how our children surprise us. I could think back of so many boys that I worked with in the last 17 years. Parents said this child is a write-off. One child I remember was a dyslexic. It was it was my he dropped out of school many times and once he was in my office and I was on the phone with my insurance company and I told him write down the I didn't have so I said quickly write down the the the VIN number and I saw he starts from one side and he finishes the he wasn't continuing the VIN number has ABC's and numbers and I said you could read. He says no. spoke to Spain they never they never identified it was he was going through the whole elementary he this boy was like 13 14 years he's a good head so certain times when he remembered he was able to say but he was never able to they never knew he's dyslexic like in in a in severe case so I remember we worked with him back and forth and parents of mamish he's a such a successful financially successful in gam today you wouldn't believe it he's making a lot of nice numbers nice six digits very very successful So he has a secretary writing for him because I remember when I was sitting with his father, his mother, very very family and I was telling them just build this child, give them confidence that they could do something. He's happens to be he's very smart. He's able to he's a good he knows how to negotiate. That was one of his I remember now he's he he's he's a shot for for for real estate deals back and forth and makes commission off this one that he sits with Manhattan. His English is so broken and he's he's but he's successful. He's doing he's shining. He's trying and you think it's Yiddish didn't come back. Everything came back. Yiddish kite when we see our children falling in Yiddish kite. That's not the problem. It we only realize it then unfortunately that our children were already struggling with something way before. But when they start dropping this levish and that they stop going to sh they start putting out feel the girls in that way and this way and issues it's that's not it. That's the way it comes out. There's something deeper. There's something that they need. But if they're going to feel very secure in your home, they're going to feel that my parents are here for me through thick and thin. They care for me. I'm secure. My parents love me regardless. And my parents believe in me. They give me my confidence. They believe in me. Eventually, sometimes it's a longer process, but eventually they're going to come out stronger and better than before. They're going to be so successful in whichever direction, whichever way they have to, whichever they have to build up in Cli.