KN - Toronto It is Excatly. how its supposed to be.. a Huge Nisayon

This Torah class is brought to you by tora anytime.com. Thank you so much for the introduction and you guys are ready for another speech after two. Okay. So, I want to quickly introduce myself very quickly. Um, I'm a new kid. I'm not a new kid in the block when it comes to dealing with children that are being challenged that challenge us. Um 16 17 years ago approximately I opened up organization was called Arl Sharm in Moni. It was geared for teenage boys that are dropped out of the system struggling and it was a program that we ran for many years in our house and we had a shul and we had places to gather find jobs for the boys and I worked with the parents and the children back and forth was many many years. We did a shabbatone for the teenagers. So, in the trenches dealing with the with the kids themselves and uh yeah, we did only one Shabaton. I'm not going to do another one with them. It didn't work out. I mean, it was amazing. It was like I think like 60 boys. But the end of Shabas, I had to pay so much damage for the hotel. The name the the numbers on the doors were missing. I remember middle of Shabas. We were sleeping uh like 4:00 a.m. Someone was banging on our door and I said, "Did you hear that?" And they're banging. I said, "Who's that?" The sheriffs. I looked out of the the the people. What is it called? And uh they said some of the boys broke into the pool. They went swimming in the middle of the night. The gate was there. So that so whatever that was the last time we did that and then we had Shabbatons and we had Pesak. We had 45 B by our seder. We did for many many years. later Barry Weber, you know Barry Weber, the famous singer, he has yeshiva in my for the struggling boys. I was involved over there. I was on the staff and every Thursday I used to go and speak for the boys. It was it was amazing stuff. And then after all these work that we put in me and my we meaning me and my wife everything partner we uh Hashem gave us our own child that's that is keeping us young. So we tried saving her life. So we opened up a school for her. We went through that journey. We'll see where the school is going to continue. As of now, we had it for a year and a half. So we're we're dealing with the parents for all these years and dealing with the teens. So I think that that's why I got the uh the privilege to speak for people uh in this in this situation. You know, I don't want to talk about the parish too much and and get into like I want to talk more practical. I think that the whole story that that came I don't know if if it was planned da to be the shabas with this with the yakov and Isa it was pre-ordained Isa was already born he was before he was born we already knew who he was going to be so obviously it's not up to the parents all the time you know we always carry so much that what where did we go wrong I think I find through all the kashanasha shabatons I think I spoke by each and every one of them uh speaking to parents I always asking where did it happen Oh, so when she left school, it was this teacher at that time. We're constantly trying to find where it happened. Uh, where did we go wrong? But, you know, really, it's it's it's pre-ordained. Is born to be an Isov. Yanka was born to be a Yankov. They were born different. They were physically different. The medish tells us how Isab looked like and his natures and in the in in the stomach in while they were in the womb she was passing a a church or whatever was that you know I don't know was pagans or whatever whatever the and yakavin was trying to go out to bismish so so definitely we know there are journeys for different that come down in this world and and it's not always it's not always good and and and it's not helpful like the rebba said yesterday where was day when the rebba spoke the litka He said that it it's taking up so much energy to find to to try to figure out what happened. It Hashem wanted that. Let's let's try to let's put in the energy and how we could help the child and how we could help ourselves throughout this journey. So I want to say that um sometimes we have a misconception of our children. We know Yiddish the way we know it. But some of us are very shish and we know that the only way or the biggest way to to be an Hashem is only through having to being learning to 24/7 and a girl has to be like this and there's all kinds of image or things have to be but there are many different missions in this world that Hashem has for a different Eden and sometimes Hashem gave us a child that we think or we thought or we wanted and we aspired to have our children a certain image the way we wanted our kids to be and then they don't turn out to be that way. They're born of different natures. they just don't make it through school or whatever it is that that happened to them and and we think that they're that they're an issue. I want to give you an example. There was a boy um in Barry Webb is yeshiva. So one day I was I was giving a speech for the for the boy. I spoke every Thursday and I was talking I talk a lot with my hands you'll see. So I I was talking like that and and the boys was sitting over there and he says, "Rabbi, I want to see a watch in the middle of the uh so I was wearing a watch. So I took it off and I gave it to him and I'm continuing my my speech for the boys and I see how he's looking at putting it on and he's like holding it. So after this year I said you like the watch he said he likes it. I said you can keep it keep it enjoy it. I talk about a watch nothing whatever was a few hundred watch I bought it already a few months take it. I saw you. He's like after Ma I I as I was leaving home he says comes over to me says Rabbi maybe could I could go home with you and alone I want to talk to you on the way home. Sorry to take him to the dorm. The dorm was in a different building. So okay. So he's in the car and he starts telling me you don't know what it means to me that you gave me that watch. I said what is it? He said you know I'm only this is for two months. What happened? My parents kicked me out of the house. I grew up in Williamsburg, ultra ultra family. And my parents, you know, he started wearing a chupa and whatever different stuff and he's he likes nice stuff and he was wearing different jeans, you know, whatever. His parents threw him out. They couldn't deal with him. They saw him as as a child that's a problem. He was he was crying in the streets. He didn't have way to sleep that night. And he found a guy the guy's happened to know who it is that that's called a guy. He called this Y. He says, "What's happening?" He said, "My parents kicked me out of the house. They said I'm going to destroy the other kids and I'm a shy and okay." So this said, you know, Barry Webb is yeshiva my come with me. He drove me up to the yeshiva. This boy tells me and I met this ever since. He said, "The problem is I don't speak to my parents. I don't have any money. I don't have nothing and and it's running out." He said, "Yesterday," this boy is telling this was this was on a Thursday. He said, "Yesterday it that was I couldn't anymore. I went in the back of the she and I started crying and I said, "Hashem, you are my father now. My father doesn't talk to me. I need three things. I need to have cigarettes. I need to have some pocket money. And I need to have clothing." He said his jeans were torn already and they didn't have and he was walking back of our yeshiva. There's a cemetery. Like if you walk a few hundred yards, there's so he said, "I stumbled upon I saw over there the Yiddish cemetery, some Yiddish names, whatever his name is." And he said, he tells me this is the boy that looks like Ash. I fell onto the first ker and I started crying and I said cannot do any good anymore in this world. I I remember a few telling by heart. I'm going to say it in yours. You dashem that I should get cigarettes, money, and clothing. He said I said to and I left. He said within a few seconds of walking away from that grave from the caver he gets a phone call and this Yi the guy that brought says viva Isaac I'm here I'm a man I'm by the I don't see I want to see how are you doing so he said I'm here I'm in the back I'm coming he tells me he wipes up the stairs he comes in the front of the of the Shiva and this Yi says he said so Yi tells him you know interesting thing this morning someone gave me a carton of cigarettes and I don't smoke you smoke right? Said, "Yes, here you have it. Newport, his favorite cigarettes he got within a minute of walking away from the grave of the Ky, he got a carton of cigarettes. Yoli's younger brother, I forgot his name. I know him." He's sitting over there and he says, "You know, this morning got this small business business deal, nothing major, and had like $1,000 master that I said, "You're a book. I'm allowed to give you master." Yeah. He said, "Yeah, hey, you have $1,000." In two minutes, he walks away from the car. His aunt calls him. He has an aunt living in Pomona. His aunt says she's more of a modern Orthodox family and she tells him, you know, I was just shopping online for my son, which is the same age as you as him. And at the end, it was like 50% off. I ordered everything double. You you should also have some jeans and t whatever and t-shirts. And he says, "Today you give me a watch. Is this boy from or not? Is this very close to Hashem or not? His parents still today are walking around in such pain. They don't realize that they have the biggest sadic walking around. I don't remember the last time Hashem answered my prayer in a second. Whenever I say the story, everybody wants to know which kyber it was. I'm not giving it out because I want to make money off it. one day I'll there's nothing to do with that kind our children have different missions and we need to start accepting that and who's the we I'm speaking on on my beha on myself as well obviously I'm not just preaching I'm practicing what I'm preaching I have two kids that are struggling a boy and a son and a daughter so I know I know the the the two sides of it it's just accepting that sometimes Hashem you know what let Let me find out. Let me figure out what's this kid's mission. There's so many different missions in this world. Who decided it has to look like I want you know let's talk about the arcade one minute. Aveni was was right was the other side of the whole world. Everybody was what was going on in his times? There was paganisms. They were all worshiping idol worshiping. What was the ultimate sacrifice he could do? You took your child, your newborn, you cut open the heart and and threw him in with the blood into the like this big over there. And that's what the going that's what the whole world was doing. The only way to appease God, the only way to to be on his good side is if you take your child and you slaughter your child and if you're a child, you took two of your kids and you Abrau who we carry his genes where all of us started where everything began. He was walking around the street and he started seeing this world is full of some created colors. We could have been color blind. My best friend is color blind. But it's very sad. We're color blind. There's music. There's orchids. There's bees. There's honey. There's this the whole world. There's so much on this world. You walk around all you can see is the most beautiful world. It must be that whoever created this world is he created it for good. And if that's the case, the only way to appease him and to be on his good side is to emulate him and and to and and to do what he does and to do. He was connecting to the creator because he saw the creator is all about good. So that's what he did. He opened up his house. We only opened up all the four sides. People came by and he was doing giving them food and washing for free. And then he said make what does make a trying to convert them. There's no Judaism. In other words, start realizing that God wants you to enjoy delicious food. What does he want from you? Good taste buds. What what did he give us? The whole world is so much pleasure. It must be the only way you could connect. And that's what he was doing. Making that he was preaching that the world is good and Hashem is good and the only way to connect to Hashem is doing and getting and that's what the world is about. One day, Hashem comes and calls him and says, "You know, I want you to sacrifice your child." Imagine practicing, preaching all your life that you're not allowed to kill. There's no baby killers over here. God does not need that. Hashem comes and says, "You know what? I want you to to slaughter him for me." said, "Okay, if that's your mission, we'll do that." Why is that the ultimate test? Imagine we are living the all of us every single day. We also were preaching in our house how we want Hashem, how we think Hashem wants us to run a Shabas table, how what we should bring into the house, what not to bring into the house, how we want our yiddish kite and our children to grow up because we know that this is roots in Hashem. Then Hashem comes and he calls us. All of us got a calling. How do I know? Look in your house. You'll see them. They're right there. I look at my child. I know. Oh, this this this is my calling. Hashem called me and he says, I don't want table to look like you think how you want it to look like. You want it to for me or you wanted for you think is is my roots the second that am I doing it because I decided this is the second said no you don't need to kill you. I don't need you to sh that was not the plan the plan are what's the what what is the purpose what is driving you what's driving us we were all standing onto the one day and we were crying and ding I'm getting married now I want to have healthy kids I want to have children that are going to be I want our kids to have good mid I want to be successful all of us cried and d for this and then the every Friday night we le and we d for our kids and then suddenly a It turns out to look like an Isov who said that that that that's was born to be an issue exactly what he was doing said he was blind turned a blind eye didn't see everything Isa was doing before he think it was stupid he wanted to bring out the good stuff he asked him do you have to be the master of the soul to win all the the misha and he worked with it He did ch at the end. Did at the end we know he was had at least to be buried in that was job. That's what that that's also in our DNA. In our DNA of also and you know what else is in our DNA? Yankov Yankei had 12. Imagine most people when they pass away and they they're given a time to to to to say farewell for the kids. Why do we say you should all be you should all be and you know didn't do that he told every child a different mission statement whole was mission statements he's telling you you go to work you go everybody was given a different because he was the parent that was able to parent 12 very very different tribes and all of For some reason, Hashem wants us to do that same work that every child, what's the best he could bring out in them? What's what's their mission? It's not about us. It's about what does Hashem want from us? You know, I think I'm only 47 years on this world. But I think the last 20 years things have changed. We used to be you were able to more or less you saw someone which family they came from same jeans. Oh, you you like your parents. feel like I don't know in the last 10 15 years I don't know how many years people we we have kids that are totally not the same nature as us many people you talk to they say like I had the whole family this youngest kid is up I don't know where it comes from different are coming down through us and our job is to be in their life and to say you know what give up and she your own vision what you thought Hashem wants you to do be be your be your and don't see everything and be your understand that Every child is a different mission. And you could tell your children that every child is a different mission. You know, one of one of the one of the most painful parts of this nan is is is what do we do with the other kids? Sometimes the marrieds don't want to come because the shabas table looks different or sometimes certain things are happening in the house. The chronology every everyone at their level. You know what? If we have open communication with the rest of the family and we tell them that we have a Yanka vaini house. We thought we have a a house Gber and Greenwag and green and all the the Jewish names all colors right blow vas all most most family names are colors for some reason. So no it's not it's a Yankini Shabas table. How did it look like? Who who decided who decided how it's supposed to be? Yes, you have one child. I want to tell you a very sad fact. I was just listening to a barrel of wine a very interesting concepts. He talks about different you know about history. I don't know the exactly so don't quote me on it and it's being recorded so I don't know the exact numbers but I think he said that in the times of the m was about 11 million hidden in the world approximately but nobody knows exactly and in Chinese according to their studies I think they had 22 or 24 million people how many Chinese are there today and how many Eden are there today I think there's like 11 million Eden if you count the half Jews living in Wyoming right in the whole world the same in amount of numbers 17. Okay. So, 17. Okay. So, whatever it was, what happened? Were we all killed out? No, we were not. There was 6 million yidden by the Holocaust. Few hundred thousand here. The programs, the one killed a billion Eden. There's a billion Chinese today and they're only allowed to have one baby. We have way more. We should have had six, seven billion Eden today. Even if a few million Eden were killed, where did most of Kalisil go? The saddest part is they went off the Dak. They went off the D. There was the times already. They were there all all the generations and then recently was was the enlightenment movement the maskeum the millions of Eden of the D in Russia Poland ah what's going on we're a tiny number because most of us fell away the good news is that all the generations that fell away because it was ideology and now is because of pain and pain we can help them solve it and that's why we're here that's the cashi is all and all the other organizations that do this. We are here because we believe that our kids are not going over the Derek because of the millions of Eden, hundreds of millions of Eden that went off throughout the generations of because enlightenment movements and and a skull and all kinds of ideology and and apicarsism today. I'm working with teens so many I've never met a real apocaris. I never met and I'm very trained. I went to a shatar when I was a teenager few years there that training I was trained at Tolbert I remember he came on show for extended weekend I was trained by him as well I I'm I always do this one-on-one with boys and girls if they need to know anything about Yiddish kite I could prove everything just like in I'm very well trained I haven't met a real apocaris today that's the good news that means that we're not going to go to the anymore whatever's multiplying in the what can we do but from our kids if we are going to understand that it's all only it's it's emotional pain and we're going to learn to include them into our families and never ever let them slip away from usal is going to grow and that mash is going to come help come before the good news is that we could help them and if you can't save your child save them because you're going to save their child. Many people were able to save their grandchildren by being mccar the child. They worked a lifetime. This child never really came back was never able to too much pain or whatever they didn't get the training whatever it was. So they stayed part of the family. Then they got to put them into Hebrew day schools and then to more school them to come back and we have to start including these mish until mashia comes. It's over. There's no such thing anymore. The altar. Yeah. There were times 200 years ago in the times of the of the there was the upong you know you know that history they had to divide the f and the f there was they were very influential and they were there were mamas doing terrible stuff. There were such times but it's over. It's over. There are no kids today going off the derek. It's finished. Nobody goes off the derek. I haven't met them. I spoke to hundreds of girls and thousands of boys in my life. Even as a fed, most of them there are a few real apocasms still over there in the government, but most fidden today. You dance with them, you put them on film and five minutes, you know, they say there's no atheist in the foxhole, right? There's a war going on. It's all that 40 30 40% of fry even started putting on film ses. They're not fry. They're pain or they don't know. Whatever it is, it's over those days. Yesterday was the earth side of Riana from Antworm. Bianca said he said in the beginning of times after there was a gulas the gulas for was the you had the times of and the and always tried to to to get us over the years later was gulasif the programs the Spanish inquisition the holocaust he said that's what ended the gulas the pain in the body he that now is golas nephesh and this is the last gullus and the most painful gullus is that we're living in is golas nephesh the emotional pain we're all in gullus in our emotions we're living in a world of such abundance and we always feel the lack we have the poorest person that has in the shopping cart more food than the richest person had we all have air condition we all have something you have light you have something in here you have a bathroom in your house. You don't have to go in the arts house, whatever we used to be. We're richer than ever before. Hashem should have everybody should have money. They should have whatever they need and gaz of course. But the real gullus is a gulus. It's an emotional gulus. That's the world of psychology. It's a world of therapy. Hashem is fear before the market. There's so much out there. There's so much going on. So what stands in our way? We know this. We learn this. And we know that our children are just in pain because they're such good actors, some of them. and they act like they're regular and some because my child is is not keeping showers. They're on the phone because they're in pain. Really? They're in pain. They look like in pain. They're partying all night. They're going out with their friends. They're, you know, and yes, we're learning they're still in pain. They still It is pain. It's emotional stress. It's emotions. The emotions are in goals. And we are here whoever as the Reb said yesterday also, Hashem didn't ask us. Hashem gave it to us. you have it at home, deal with it. It means Hashem said, "I trust you and start being your child's therapist, the whole family's therapist, and the healthy kids and everybody. Just be there for them, love them, accept them, and let them be part of the family. Even if they do things that are not so that you would want it to be, you're going to get the other kids are going to understand. And hopefully next time you bring back this kid, if not them, you'll bring back their children." The point is to save Clolio because now we could actually save us. It's not aicarim. And this is where we're up to in this time of the world. We're up to in a place, you know, we were in in Kashi, Rabatab and all of us. We were just two weeks ago, three weeks ago in in London. They have nothing less percentage than than us with struggling teens. We were together in it. We were in in in Manchester. I was twice in Manchester and all over wherever you go. Every community has there's a whole new world because it's galis haneesh. means galas are because if someone you know how healthy you have to be to be a front physically and emotionally you need to be healthy you need to be in a good place all of us have triggers even the healthy one of us including myself have my triggers you know if you have a certain thing that someone someone that one thing you'll never do you could be the biggest s but this thing you can't get yourself to do I used to have an issue I confess I used to have an issue till two three years ago a tissue buff until a few years ago I was trying to you know I have my own we were sitting tish and I had to I I was saying the whole you know obstacle committ so I was saying the the at night I was the I was saying it in Yiddish I was translating the Yiddish the whole and then I I I said this let me let me work out what's going on in there and I don't remember it and I was in camp for many years and we had also was the holocaust He cried and I just remember my system felt it's like a negative day. Okay. Once it was I cleaned it out. I'm okay. I can say it's now ready. But and you have people that have it in bigger things as well. We all have a little part in us that that that's that can't you know we have our own things. So if if someone is struggling we know that it's an emotional pain. This is the goal today and we all are summoned to become therapists. Welcome. This is a therapy class. We all turning becoming therapists. We're learning how to how to be real with our emotions and and the good news is that the whole world is very very aware these days. You know I me and my wife we do together for second time around and for complicated cases not for regular we did different trainings. So there was a conference just a few months ago uh of many teachers to advance. We're getting there. Still needs improvement but we're getting there. The from communities much better than it used to be. Okay. That's the good news. So one of the one of the speakers said over there such beautiful she said she's a dating coach. She said it became a common thing in in in Lakewood and in maybe Brooklyn, different places where the boy and the girl meet to they date. They say, "What healing are you doing?" It became a normal thing. You have a therapist. Do you have a therapist? It became a normal thing to ask. Oh, I do breath work. Oh, no. I I I I did uh you know, you know, I was kind. No, I'm kidding. So, hopefully not. So, whatever it is, it's it became people are very aware of themselves. Where am I emotionally? Am I ready to get married? Am I able to share a life? Am I able to There's a lot of awareness in in in emotional health. And this is Do you think Mashiah is going to come to sick people? We got to heal. All of us got to heal. We all have to heal. We're not going to be able to we're not going to be able to to go towards Mashiah if we don't heal. We have to heal. We have to forgive. We have to give up grudges. A lot of us have hidden grudges towards the banish. I know you're not going to like me for saying that. A lot of people we have grudges towards the many many of us. We don't want to bring it to the our brains. Some do want some don't want. Why? So what did I do? Why did they give me this life? Why did they give me this the sign that the sign let's be real? Let's be real. Let's talk to Hashem. Let's let's be real. This this this sign is as real as it gets. This gets us in everything. You have a you have an assign on you have ingrael or whatever. Okay, you deal with that. You have this is an assign that takes over your whole image, your whole life, your whole it's questioning your whole your whole family values. All your values are being challenged and and and opened open heart surgery. And if we go through this design and we work and we mazic constantly and we look at the reb of this organization he's m he's not he's not just a professor that's coming in and and speaking and giving us nice speeches he lives it he went through it he's still going through it he worked it out look at him he's a see how he dins we become different people you know when you're ready when you're going to thank your child I want to thank you for putting me you. I became such a good person. I became so much closer to my spouse, to mommy, and to I became so much closer to Hashem. I became so much more real. I'm so much more aware of my emotions. So much more ah that's when you know you're ready. That's when you know you're good. You're good to go. I remember my daughter the first in the beginning when she started her journey, she most the only girl in the world. She never but she's she's she's struggling and I remember the first time we went into you know my evergreen this big store and I went shopping with her and she was dressed you know like other before the you know some people are such high level that that they're not even and and walking through the aisles and here I am people know me quite a bit I'm a known person in the community and and I'm walking down the aisles and I'm the one I'm a mik and I speak to malandam and to teachers and to you know all kinds of stuff and I'm walking with this girl down the aisles. I was dying from the inside and then I was telling myself practice what you preach and I was a good boy. We were going through the aisles back and forth. I saw all the eyes and gazing. I have a lot of sensors. I saw I saw everything and like it was getting more and more I was I was following my pride and everything else and I was going through it and I said, "You know what? We came into the car. I think I'm a good actor." She didn't see anything on me. We came into the car. She tears up with c tears. She says, "Tati, I'm so sorry I caused you so much pain." I said, "You didn't cause me any pain. I had You know, I I had a lot of pain. That's my issue, my journey. You deal with your going through your stage. Whatever whenever whatever you need to go through, I'm here for you. We love each other. It's all good. I'll take care of you forever. Nothing in the world that you could do is going to take away my love for you. Nothing. I can have pain, but my other child is g causing me a lot of pain in many areas of my life. I still love him. How can you not love a child? These children are in pain and if they feel or we make them feel that they cause us pain. So not only they carrying their own pain, they have to carry us. And that's that's not productive to say it in a nice way. Actually detrimental, but it's not helpful having the school with the girls who have a teenage school for for these girls. And I I give a smoother once a day. It's called the thinking class and we conversations and many times I come with a conversation talk about relationships, talk about life, talk about whatever they want. So I asked sometimes the girls what do you want to So one of the girls asked the question she said the following she said rabbi if a person does something that's why you have to concentrate if a person does something because they do it for whatever reason and their parent it hurts their parents but they don't mean it to hurt their parents and when they ask the parent and the parent says it doesn't hurt me how is that person supposed to feel Like I said, girls, who else has this question? Every girl picked up the hands. I said, "Can I repeat what you meant to say? That you are doing certain things. You're dressing a certain way. You're behaving a certain way. That's causing a lot of pain for your parents, your mother, your father crying every night about it." And when you ask them and they say, "No, hopefully they say no because they came over here. They learned that you don't say no. You did not cause me to pain." Which essentially is true, but whatever. That's our own. These kids would never tell you, but they are living in a gehenn for causing us pain. I'm here to tell you that in their name, even if they're macho, driving the fancy cars, or whatever they're doing, I'm telling you they're living in a gehenn. And that is not going to help them crawl out of it. That's going to help them get deeper into it because pain is the thing that's causing them to be disconnected. So if we could come and tell them once a week or whenever you can and say I know you can be open I believe in being very very open with things and say you know the way you dress or what you're doing it's your journey whatever I don't judge you and you're not causing me any pain and if I do have pain it's my journey I do not want you to carry mine and tatis and my mommy's pain straight up say it like that they're going to love it that's the truth truth. That's the fact. And that's going to help them heal much quicker because if someone is in the guilt trap that it's like old domino effect, it goes back and back. It's a spiral and they never crawl out of it. We need to let them carry their own pain and that's a lot of pain over there. You know how horrible it feels growing up in a community and all your friends are starting to get married and all moving on and this boy this girl married the Shivish boy and this girl married and this one. Yeah. They could in their heart they're broken. Every time a friend of theirs is mats and and finding a normal job or they they see their friends walking the street dress or or being they always beat themselves up every single day. Why couldn't I why couldn't I why can't I be a for my parents? Why can't I be normal? They're living in talk about the pain that caused them to become this way. So at least with that we could help them. We can say no people are born different natures. school wasn't meant for you. You weren't so academic or whatever it is that the issue or someone hurt you. You were bullied. You, you know, learning disable. Whatever it is, it's okay. It's not your fault. School is not meant for everybody. You didn't make it. I told my daughter a thousand times. I said, "Who said you have to be in school? She's working out. She has a good job. This is a job. She's happy in a job. She feels good about herself." Amazing. Amazing. Would follow. The problem is we're so distracted. We're so goal. We want our kids to become from I'm here to tell you and I'm saying it on the record. We are not focusing on bringing our back kids back to Yiddish for now. We're helping them become healthy, happy, content, take away their pain. Yiddish kite will come running. Yiddish is real. Yiddish is the most beautiful thing in the world. The biggest the best life on this world is to live like a yeto the way gets married the way he lives the way we have family value said what what's not good about you have a few extra in your house you can stop doing that if it's going to help you kiss toilet regular toilet what's so hard you're not allowed to talk that bad what what what's not so good so someone drops yishkite it's not the yiddish kite when we see them dropping dropping ydish kite is way too late. Yiddish kite is the last thing that they dropped and it's the last thing that's going to come back and if they feel that you are macar of them only because you have an agenda because you in their perspective that because you want to make them again it's not going to work. You're playing a game. They're not stupid. These kids are very sensitive kids usually. These are the kids that are very in tune in their emotions. They they sense you and they they know exactly you can't play with them. So just remember we are given an assign. It's not a Yiddish sign. We have an assign that our children are in pain. And I want to tell you something else. There are many kids in pain that are from they're in the same pain and sometimes even more. They're just holding out in yeshiva better because they have a good head. Holding out in school because she's more self-conscious and she doesn't want to be different than everybody else. She's also walking around with the same amount of pain at the kid that just dropped out of school. And the the the sad part is that we don't know. So we can't even help them. So aren't we grateful? Thank that our kids Sounds good, right? Imagine I say this the first statement of the speech today. It's just fun to know. But it's true. It's very, very true. When our kids are are are crying from the outside already, we're blessed. Okay, we know. Okay. Hey, we got to we got to get into full gear over here. We need to reach out to people. We need to know what we're doing. We need to really start healing this child. There's something very painful over there. First, let's like said, we need to get into attachment. Attach our children in a very healthy way. over here. We're going to talk about it uh crisis Sunday. Usually we do it on Friday before Shabas to get the parents into now it's going to be because of the timing right which is climman but but but you'll hear about it. I hope everybody should be there please on on Sunday. That's that's the most part important part of the kashi is listening to the shim's crisis training on Sunday. This is the the whole the whole idea. So we need to be very grateful. We need to be very helped. Hashem, you know what? At least I know my child is in pain. My child is suffering. There's something going on over here. What can we do to help them? And when the children are going to feel healed, they're going to feel part of the family. Why do they deserve to be ostracized? Is that the right word? I still grow up speaking Yiddish. So why did they have to feel ostracized of a family? Not enough that they couldn't make it through school. Not enough someone hurt them. Not enough that they went through. Now you're not part of the what's happens. This is not all did this. You know, you can talk about right. He had a son brought all the he was a genius. He had a son that was off the shabas by the t. He was sitting together with him. He lost many of his talid which became later rebas that left. They didn't want to be with him because he had right near him is shy's son. Wh why not there was a beautiful story about he used to make kdish before he made kdish every by the tish used to look around gaze around then make kdish and one time it took a very long time was gazing at everybody and then finally made kdish and the son whoever was and one of people asked what tell us what what what's going on in your head he said very simple he said every shabas I come and I make kish and hundreds of people come and see me make kdish and see how I how I how how I how I have a Shabas table and my Tyrus. I don't want to get any gavas. I look around and I find on every person over here with one thing that they're better than me. He said this week Shabas there was one person that came in that he's the known Mus the worst Yid in the town and he came to and he was I was looking at him and I couldn't find but this person is more better than me and I couldn't make Kdish said how did he make at the end. He said, "I was thinking that if I would have the same genes as him, the same nature and the same nurture and the same classmates and everything, I probably wouldn't even come walk into shim. Those are our sadikim. All of them had they all struggled. The previous had a son of who didn't it was this is there's a whole list. We need to realize that this is part of our this is our aid. This is we are getting the one time for the every single day we get that and if the title would be written today your name would be in the it would say that Mr. and Mrs. So and so sacrifice their whole house the whole for to save one child. We are doing that. We are doing this. This this is it. The say that when whichever generation the t was written the stories and that be written today, we would all be in there. We're sacrificing. We're in the biggest pain. I just want to tell you I speak at many shabatones throughout the year and these shabbas some of the most painful ones. Shabb this the sign that we're going through because this challenges us in every aspect of our life. And not even talk how financially draining it is on all of us. And and and your own family, your own sister-in-law, your mother-in-law is telling you, you know, yeah, you have to kick out. Many people tell me that they they they the mother-in-law, the father, the zidas, the babas, everybody has diets. Everybody, no, you have to throw him out. No, you have to do this, you have to do that. And you know, you know, you tell someone that gives you d saym you don't understand. That's my line. And I went through a lot of nanis in my life and I learned that line that was my my line and I always say people gave me a lot of comments and suggestions amazing you don't understand I want to share with you my my father my late father's just a few weeks ago actually last week Friday I have an older brother that also struggled in those years it was unheard of growing up in Barabak It was unheard of. I know my father the way he took care of my brother and how many people told him to just throw him out of the house. Used to swear by the shabas table. I don't want to say it too much but it was it was he said why don't throw out my son again and the biggest love in the world was very very difficult. I was embarrassed. I went through my father didn't talk to me the way I teach that we should talk to the siblings but it's not for now how to deal with the siblings but there was obviously no communication in that way father's a great man I loved him but my brother is a his children was beautiful family took many years many many years but it worked for all of us But my father's ash was a real iss from from previous generation. He he saw it in the title. He didn't even see otherwise. He didn't need us to I don't even know where he took it from. Remember my brother came to our house. I was I'm one after him. Two after my sister. He came to the house with a sports car with a white line, a blue car and the big muffler and like the whole street at 12:00 a.m. 1:00 a.m. all the neighbors such bees for me and for my parents nothing. He's part and always part of the family and he's he's a beautiful person. He married a beautiful wife, his beautiful kids. I was I was because my father meant it. He tackle love to me. He couldn't see anything else. How can you not love your child? And this should help. We have to finish that. Don't be enough. Be proud of yourself. Talk to myself also. I get a catch when I say that. I want to say it again. That shouldn't hurt me. Don't be honored. Be proud of yourself. I am proud of myself. You be proud of yourself that every single day there's so many whims and so many different thoughts and other people and coming from all kinds of sides and sign and you're staying steadfast and and doing what's right and saving a child and they deserve to be loved. They deserve to be part of the family. They deserve to be part of us forever. Even if that I'm not gonna come back to you. There's no shikas. They're in pain. There's no shas there no. If you're proud of yourself, you'll do it more with the you're not allowed to be honest. That's that's a big a to be to be to be to be to be humble in the wrong place. And I think that you know what I'm going to end with with with three more minutes. Yeah. I I think I want to add one more thing. Is everybody so in? I I don't think it's fair. We feel casual. Okay. So, one of the things that that that that's in our way of of doing everything, you know, of being this who we really are, loving and caring for our kids. There is a thing that's in our system because you grew up in this Jacob and system where everybody has and that is constantly even while you're listening to me there's another part we have many parts right in our brain one part in our brain constantly says yeah but man up why can't my son you know yesterday in sh yesterday in my my brother-in-law was learning the and and he said yeah now she's in town yeah when I was a kid have two pets nobody went over the dra I promise you yesterday in told me that. So I know we we all educate ourselves and we know what the truth is but there's still another there are different voices in our head and one of them is a very powerful voice and says the following we also had we also work we also had our hardships and we we we stood up to the plate and you know and and other people went through and and the person has and where's where's my child's so why is it choosing choosing to be bad you could choose you could just go into the store and pick up a nice clothing why well what what uh more address why so I want to say it's true that everybody has Bira but everybody is in a different place in a different level some people their Bira is they were born kleptomaniacs you know what that is in the DSM kleptomaniac is someone that was born with the desire to steal they steal they can have billions of dollars in their bank account they steal they're born like So you think a kleptomaniac is going to be punished in sham the same or judged in shm the same as another person that steals and was has no inclination inkling of of even of of stealing how can we compare this person's other people you know we all have many children you always say I have the shiv right every child's one child is has more cast the other child's more jealousy the other kind so everybody has in different levels this person getting angry is not the same as the other on as someone is in pain living in pain their is in such a place that we don't even know where it is it could be in a tiny nuance one small good thing they'll do for Hashem that day they'll get more than another person learning all day what do we know this person has so to us to me nobody has I know where my is I know certain things are very difficult for me to do you wouldn't believe I'm not going to share it and the things that are so easy for me and to other people it's so difficult I have a different type of brain than many people. Different type of heart, a different nature, different nurture, different parents, different everything is different. So to us, we need to know that our child doesn't have okay just to make it easier, but Hashem knows where it is. Hashem knows where their is. It's not for us. I don't know where. To me, this person is in pain and someone is in pain. The says clearly a person doesn't avail only if they have a if they're not in a normal place. Nobody by D. I don't think there's any any of our kids that are amazed at I want to think today it's all pain. So this is the galas we're in. We're in galas her emotional galas goes and all of us have emotional pain each and every one of us before this nan after this for sure. And this is the the struggle that the whole world together we all need to grow and advance and advance and understanding emotional health, mental health and even more so with our own highly good beautiful children. 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