Kesher Nafshi Mezibuz - How would the Baal shem Tov and his Talmidim deal with todays Teens

This Torah class is brought to you by tora anytime.com. First of all, I want to tell you that I I went to the cave before because if I'm representing my perspect my perception of wayto deal with our teens today, I need to ask him for forgiveness and I need to ask him for to say what he would talk. So I never spoke to the bashtov if I claim I did you know you know tudas people that speak to him when they're not here anymore you know there's a special medication for that but I I definitely learned this from him and his and I'm indulged into the original so I think I have somewhat of a perspective of how bashtov if you would have been around today physically what we he would tell us the whole and us even more so the parents of children that are going through a lot of struggles. I think that um we'll start with this that there was a you know there's a lot going on in the world today a lot of uh this and marriages and divorces and all different types of stuff. So there was this parents they wanted their child that's getting married they wanted to make sure that this kid is going to know how to treat his wife. So when this boy became a father was giving him every single day duchious how to treat a wife so in the morning you wake up bring a coffee to breakfast in bed I'm kidding in America are excited breakfast in bed I can't be laying down but I guess there's some kind of fantasy of uh guys that the women are not laughing only you guys so just bring coffee to bed okay so he's telling his child visit us the best the husband in the world and do this and wake up and compliment every day when she puts on. He gets married a few weeks after she comes home and she tells her mother, "My husband is the nicest guy in the world, but I don't feel connected. I don't feel connected." So she says, "What do you mean? Is he nice to you?" Of course, he makes you breakfast. He comes I go to wash the dishes. He's running with a towel to dry them. He's a but I don't feel connected to him. I feel alone. They didn't know what's going on. A few weeks they sent him to some kind of specialist. This guy the food. Bottom line is that this young man was told all the technical details how to treat a wife all the rules. He wasn't told he wasn't teach or taught how to connect with the other to connect with the wife and how relationships work. It's much deeper than just the rules. I don't know if you know when we send our kids our to go bezel. So there's a lot of film. So today's there's a lot of these they send out the kids to teach our our three four months the go today. They teach them how to put it up to put it here to put it here. Allah details all the so the mitzvah boy knows all the when he gets he doesn't know why he puts on he doesn't know that the whole reason of putting on film is all about connection and relationship to the hashem gave us technical things to do in order we should be able to build a relationship the relationship is not the rules the relationship is not what you're allowed to do what you're not allowed to do the relationship relationship is much deeper than that. In order that a relationship should last, there has to be rules. A marriage could only last if there are some rules. You can't go and have a sh to someone else only to your own relationship. But that's not what the relationship is. The relationship is much deeper than that. If there's no rules, the relationship is going to fall apart. You have to be home a certain time. You have to be me. You have to do certain things. If not, the relationship is falling apart. But that's not what the relationship is. The relationship is much deeper than that. The relationship is sharing a connection and understanding each other, feeling and connecting to much deeper level. That's what the relationship is. There's a medish. We all know this medish that says that he gave him the foren. He sent on a malik to go down first to all the nations and asked them do you want to take the so the malik came to the king of each nation to the and he said you want to take the and what did they say they said what says that what are the terms and conditions what are the rules in this so he told every nation whatever they struggle with he said nah the is not for us has a song on this he went to the other nations and everybody said no everybody said by what did rules what are the terms and conditions and the told them exactly what they didn't want to hear and they didn't take the toy when the Eden came when he came to the said you want to take the toy he didn't say a thing that we have struggled with the Eden did not ask they didn't ask what's there they said of course we'll take the toy nasa nasa will doish we'll hear the regulations later because the Eden understood that the toy is a relationship between the Eden and The toy is not about the book of rules. Many of us are born and raised into communities and places. We only talk about the rules. I had my daughter came home from school. It was one of the pastures talk about the sabas mitzvah of Shabas. So in her in her booklet and she came with a little girl, it said all kinds of things of Shabas the lamas. I had a neighbor that his daughter goes to a different school and it said on the said you're not allowed to do this. The next page you're not allowed to do this, you're not allowed to do that. You're not allowed to. My daughter came home from school was lucky and was full of pictures. A little girl eating ice cream, another girl playing ball, another girl and only circle around one out of 10 pictures. What you're not allowed to do in Shabas. Shabas is not about what we're not allowed to do on Shabas. Shabas is not about restrictions. Shabas is about to connect to the to connect to Hashem in order that the relationship with us with Shabas should be there has to be rules. You can't drive a car. You can't light. You have to do certain things that are different than the weekdays in order you should be able to connect to Hashem. Shabas is about doing one major thing which is connecting. I was in a park a couple of week ago. I made a video of it. I was in the park a couple of weeks ago in Many and there's a big sign, no alcohol, no beverage, no dogs, no like 25 nos. And I took a video in front of it and I I was talking saying this. I said, you would think that this park is bish full of restrictions. I'm shaking in the park. What kind of thing? All of the things that you're not allowed to do that you shouldn't do in this park is that shouldn't disturb other people of enjoying and connecting to the park to nature and enjoying the park. If there wouldn't be any rules, people would come and drink and throw rubbish on the floor and crack and break glass in the floor, right? And okay, so it's not about that was very into promoting the idea of the Vikas. If you want to put together from all the one word that's very common again and again and again is the word you know you say glue in in a glue to connect learning is about doing you need to learn in order to do everything that we do is to connect and relationship with if Hashem wouldn't tell us to do something to put on film or to do something. How do we connect? He tells us to do things. But it's all about the relationship. How do we have a relationship with you don't see him if he wouldn't give us things to do? Focus, prime focus was to teach to connect to Hashem. Of course we have to do technically put out film but he wants you he wanted the every to put out film at the hearts understanding we have the par it's not about film it's in this black box that you not the black box in the plane black box of the plane has all kinds of secret the all the guard that's maybe that's why it's called black box in this black box there's a par that says it should be against the heart you put on against your brain every morning you put on the that's really what you're In the Gur it's called it filler not fillain or paras that's how they used to call it what are you doing you're putting the parag should be against it should be against your heart the all from the relationship from the marriage is all about and connecting to hashem and how do you connect to someone if not by hearts and that's why when the was one of the greatest one of his greatest he asked the he said rebs come what do we what is he waiting for the bash went up and he spoke to mash twice once the bash brought it in the letter another time is what we had but he say asked Mashiach when are you going to come and mashiach told him not going to be ding more in the morning. We say before we don't say people some took it very literally should say that more but other said no you guys don't get it you should be you should work on a is connecting one human to another human through emotions through feelings not just through technical there many parents out there that are very very technical z perfect elimin but the kids don't feel connected miss the bus he takes me to on time he pays for my yes is yeshiva he does he takes me to school my mother prepares me breakfast technical or perfect perfect from the outside looks perfect but the children don't feel connected they want to know that we feel we connect with them emotionally the bashto's greatest aoid was to teach that any relationship is based not just on the physical technical stuff or the rules whatever has to be done very proper I deal with a salat I want to tell you that so many people feel alone they're married they have a great husband a great wife they feel alone there's much more than just doing technical bringing things taking picking up beautiful it's good to do that but much deeper than that is the emotional connection so in one word what would the bash do tell us the way we should deal with our kids that are struggling, that are stumbling in all the issues in the world today, the confused. He would tell us to do exactly the way we should do with everybody else. Keshi should be for everybody, the whole world. And our kids at home that are good, they need the same amount of love and tolerance. We don't need the kid to to act up like this and start behaving to them a certain way and to connect to them and have relationship with them and understanding them only when they do something so crazy. All of us were chosen all of us meaning me included. also advocate. We were chosen to learn this technique and it should go through our system, our gut. And this is the way we should treat everybody around us. our husband and our wives and our other kids and our parents and our siblings and our neighbors which is connecting through aava means have giving tolerance understanding not judgmental and understanding that every person in the world has their own journey and what we think is right doesn't necessarily think that hashem think that this is the same right thing for this person would tell us to treat our kip exactly the way he would tell us to treat everybody else. He would walk into and he would say guys whatever you're learning to everybody every all of your children only when our child acts up that's the moment where they get everything I remember I had a classmate he came from a divorced home those years was what unheard of and then later his was raised by his mother he never saw his father I don't know what the story was and then his mother died So he was 10 years old. The family never went back to the father. His uncle raised what I remember. I'll never forget he used to buy him that time was the timeouts. You don't know if you remember the timeouts as you're old enough to remember before Nintendo there was the the timeouts for Game Boy. For Game Boy Game Boy. Yeah. I'm talking about every game was a terrible. So I remember his the Reb used to buy for this kid because he acted up like a mach literally this kid behaved mamish like like he's off off the roof. You can imagine why you know but he didn't have a normal house. Used to throw used to bribe him or buy him in those days it was considered the most expensive toy you could buy someone. And I remember like I used to think to myself maybe I should also act up and I'll also get a timeout. One of the things that was lost from pre-war till after the war, the holocaust my zik my father's father was the sweetest man. My role model in my life and he told me how looked like in his town. I don't know how it looked like in different places. Everybody came. We say the word alheim. Alahheim was every person came from different towns, different everybody had different experiences from where he came from. He said never gave a she told me never. The amount of love he gave us and and the respect he has my ah that was a role model marriage till the high 90s both of them. He treated her like a queen. She treated him like a king, but she was scenile already. She was losing it. She never ate breakfast. The respect, it's unbelievable. But it was lost. So, we are here today. And unfortunately, we were all chosen. Fortunately, we were chosen to have a child that's going to force us to look into ourselves and to look into the world and to teach it to all our friends at home how they should really treat everybody around them with unconditional love and connect through emotionally. Have a shas to next level of of emotional connection. This is probably what the Bashto would say, not go out of your way and treat the kip a certain way. The way you treat the kids, that's the way you should treat everybody else. That's what the bash would say. Every person I just came and walked to the sha I wanted to experience. I was never there. I read so much about the it's like and I walk into the sh space where he unbelievable. I was trying to think of that and that little show is why we're the size of this where he did and every person that came in we all know all these stories people that were people that never didn't know he was everybody unconditional he was one in the world everybody was against him at the time they didn't understand they were saying why you m of this there's all kinds of mammal that says you should not be of don't talk We should don't talk to an apocus. You shouldn't have to ap this little town in Ukraine over here. Mame literally on these these grounds was a small group and they decided we're going to teach the world a new method. There's no such thing anymore as a as a everybody. If you look every second word is people think it means it doesn't mean it means all of us say a word that does so and so brings down this is the let's say doesn't mean that when you do it at that moment you're he's not talking about all the most of them not is the only one is known that not he specifically talks about but most when says the word says a human we call today it's a whole thing this is the way it used to be the wanted us to call every saddic and the bashto had one of his greatest influence was kabula and he took from from the said that we are all gilgam every person has already was down on this earth many times And we need to calm down again. We can see it in our little children. We see our little babies. All of us have little kids. When the newborns are look so cute and they're always cute. But as they get older, it's unwrapped. I say it's like a gift that's in wrapping paper. Every month that they get older, another piece of wrapping paper comes up and we start to see who this kid is. You have two little children playing. One is a giver, one is a taker. One one is jealousy, one is not. So we are not born as clean slate like some of the psychologists wanted us to believe like Freud and all the other ones wanted to believe that we're clean slates and only nurture there's no nature we know there's nature and nurture nature means that this kid every person comes down whatever you worked out in your previous gilgal you're not going to struggle with it again you still have to work out the other stuff if you worked on jealousy in your previous gilg you come down you're never going to be jealous again in this world you're just struggling on stuff you have to continue working out. So the bash have lived in this message and he taught us to that we never know someone else's journey. If you see someone struggling with someone is something this is this person's journey. This person is not less than you. This person probably worked out 20% of of his you did only 10% of your from the outside you look like and he's not. This person struggles to go down with menu. This person struggles to learn. This person struggles to do any mitzvah and he does it once a month. You know who it is. Yesterday we were you all know the was only spreading the bashento's message of unconditional love for another Eid. Not only for your own child and the Bashento was based his toy was based on this idea that every person is a sadic and every person is a a journey not a journey just from they were born physically. They're in a journey from many many generations. They come back and all of us have different things that we need to work on. If we see someone struggling with something, don't think he's less than you. The says one of the he says everybody that was on this world was on the bottom in the back and everybody that he used to see in the back is up front. It's a very different world, different our children are huge sadik. Maybe we don't enjoy their struggles. It's affecting us but this is their journey and we never know what kind of gan is waiting for these kids what kind of is waiting for them for whatever they did. So the wanted to love another like you love yourself says was one of the greatest he also lived here in this town a while together with and he writes what does mean you should love your fellow just like you love yourself he says he says in what way we love ourselves we separate our good and our bad we say I'm a good person I just happen to struggle with this a struggle with that this shortcomings this but even I get to man the struggle of jealousy a struggle of a struggle of The same way you should see someone else have to just like yourself, you're able to separate yourself from their from your from your problems. When you see it, separate them from their from their shortcomings. Everybody's a just struggle. This is what the had neighbors that were torturing him. So the says himself that he was with Hashem they should die couldn't take it anymore and his wife the women of what is one of the super women in Yiddish history she was a unbeliev she's a great woman and she's comes and she tells her the husband why dominating that these people should die that they should do Shiva and she was they should do Shiva and they did Shiva as it says in the says learned shouldn't be here anymore and she said no you got to separate their should go away and then they're not anymore now shouldn't be anymore they're not anymore if we're able to separate it's our perception if we see that this person is a great human just happens to be struggles so different we separate that's doesn't even so this is something that we need to learn from the the bashtov used to dal for all the thes and his generation we know the story for what was the story was once traveling in one of the cities around here and he he saw the police catch up And they they were holding they were arresting him and he was screaming save me and he went over to him and said he said the gun you don't know who I am the I'm I'm the I'm the he said he said yeah I always g they they they capture me and then I I I have till the court case I have time I run to the bash they down to me and they make them forget and and that's why I always So please run to the bashto tell him I was arrested to bash and said explain said that this is his in his previous gle he worked out everything besides gan he struggled that was we would call kleptomania he had something that was driving him kleptomanic is on you can't explain it a lot of little kids are born like that they just have to steal from the stores so ded for him that he get free and the t they forgot about him and for some reason they got lost on papers then he went to steal again and again that's what he used to do till one day he saidto did so much for me how dare I steal and he did shiva and he became one of the greatest of the story was given over by the without a name we don't know which one of his to was this person I have that's very connected to one of the great sadikb in which is the lightb I'm connected to him for the last two years my son is going to him and theb he calls the reb he's big and he believes in the very connected to him the always gives him this business different stuff for big business deals of the and I was wondering the never told him a thing Never ask them knows he struggles with all kinds of things that shouldn't be done. Never. Just recently, just like a month ago, he asked the specific thing. The Reb said, "I want you to take upon himself one is one." So he said, "Reb tiny thing." I don't know what it is, but he told me that he promised something. This is the this is the is to give people because everybody wants to be good. He told me I still have a few more minutes but really I want to I want to get into something much deeper. We know every day every morning all of us need to have a drive to wake up and to go face the day. All of us have huge schedules. end up in the bus and sit. There's so much going on in business. What gets us out of bed every morning. There's two things that drives a human. Or we run away from pain. We don't want to face the consequences from waking up late. The kids missing the bus, you have to drive them to school. Or you come late to work and you get fired or whatever it is. Or that's a drive. You're running away from pain. Or you're a different type of person. You're running towards gain. You wake up the morning, you know, today you're going to gain. You want to make a new business that you want to lose when you know you have a flight to catch to you want to gain. You want to go to the trip. What gets you out of bed that morning is they want to gain. So there's two things that drive us. Every single thing we do in our life is or away from pain or towards gain. You're leaning on a chair and then suddenly you're leaning on the other subconsciously hurting you. So you're away from or you want to be more comfortable or you just run away from something that's hurting you. You're moving every single thing we do is or run away from pain or towards gain till the bashto times all the bal miss what they did was is they were telling people you need to behave you need to connect to hashem if not you're going to get pain so every avoid that a person did sub subconsciously was I don't want to go to heaven or you're going to suffer in this world you're going to have this sudas and that sudas and it all happens because of your ideas The bashto said, "No, no, we're changing this 360 degree change totally out of the the menu, out of the schedule, out of anything. We're going to teach people how much pleasure there is in a way. And we're going to teach them to to run towards gain. Think about how much more mitzvah you could do today. How much more connected you could get to Hashem today. How much more you could do in the world. And your whole drive should be towards gain, not to run away from pain. How of you are how special you are to going around in cities. They all mag means someone that went around and is holding speeches all around town. What were they going around preaching all about gain all about how much Hashem loves us all about Hashem. Even if hem still loves us get connected to Hashem towards gaining and and having more Hashem. The message from the was from all the gener said from now on we have to be we have to give a from the Eden to one year to another from one year to and this is what we need to do with our camp and this is what we need to do with everybody else. It's just to spread gain. I once learned the technique of if you want to persuade someone, you lose gain, loss, pain, and pleasure. You tell someone how much you're going to gain by doing it. Let's say you want to do sales. You're going to gain you make so much more sales, more money. If you're not going to do this deal, you're going to lose who knows what gain, loss, and pain you're going to have by not doing one thing. And then pleasure you're going to have if you do do it. Gain loss, pain, and pleasure. But I think it's a great technique. But even much better than that is to is only to give the game and the pleasure. We are all pleasure seeking beings. We run after pleasure. From the second we're born, we we're craving pleasure. When the little kids, we crave for one thing and then we crave for the toys and then food and then g and all kinds of ego, all kinds of stuff. We are pleasure seeking beings. And the bashto said that the only way to get someone to be closer to Hashem and to do things right is by telling them what they're going to gain. They know what they could lose. We don't need to tell our kids what they're doing wrong. They know. Some of us were brought up in communities and different places where we were told so much about and so much about negativity. Run away from negative. You're going to see and then we can't see. We think that if we're going to tell our kids, you're good. They're going to be comfortable. they're not going to want to be better. But that's not true. The Bashant said that that's not true. We are not going to do more by running away from pain. We're going to do much more by running towards gain. Someone said what's between and right someone that has big pies like this doesn't need this whole they think what not to do what not to be over and this not to think about what all kinds of restrictions in the life of is someone that's running towards gain all day [Music] he's not thinking so much about what not to do we should think about what we should do more. I think that this is something that the would tell all of us is to connect to the emotional system. We know that was founded right after the holocaust in Williamsburg where he started the Eidat because the goat ambulance never came on time. So maybe now it's worldwide. It's physical. Someone has an accident, someone has a issue comes and helps them. The last few years we evolved, we became better. There's a whole new it's called there's a gift which is the body and there's the emotional system. I work for Kai lifeline. They have a program. It's called project Kai for people that lose breathe parents. So I'm losing someone in the family. We need to So we come there. There's an accident. I I'm called me or one of our staff was called and we come there and we make sure everybody that was witnessing an accident we talk to these kids that shouldn't be traumatized for the rest of their life. We do crisis intervention. We're dealing with their emotional system. The whole world today is in a deeper level all realizing we need to deal with trauma. We need to deal with past emotional stuff. We realize there's by we say but for some reason wasn't looked at enough. There's an emotional system that's much deeper to us than our physical system. And this is why the Bashant was saying worry about someone's emotional system. If a child misbehaves, right? The natural thing is, at least when I was a kid, the Reb would take the kid and punish him, the child comes home, hits all the kids at home, you punish them. Why does the kid behave that way today? Because that kid feels that way. If the kid feels happy, the kid is nice to all the other kids. If the kid is not happy, the kid is going to hurt everybody. So how you what are you going to do? You going to behave to them according to their behavior or change their feelings? If we change their feelings, they feel happy, they feel proud of themselves, they're nice to all the kids around them. If they feel upset, they feel hurt, they're going to hurt everybody. So right CPT, cognitive therapy, our behavior is an outcome from our feelings. So if we connect to someone emotionally and we build them up and we tell them we believe in them and we tell them we love them and we tak them naturally their behavior is going to change. Us parents only got to realize most of us only got to realize our children going over the the way we call it when we saw a physical change in them. The physical change comes right much after the emotional change. They went over the emotionally way before they went off physically. When we see they're dropping the Yiddish kite, Yiddishkite they dropped the last thing and Yiddish kite is going to be the last thing that's going to come back. So we need to fix their emotions. We need to fix them emotionally. Their behavior, their physical and their yiddish kite is all going to come back on the throne. The couple goes over the first, it comes back the last. We don't need to talk to a child. Why do you miss me? I had my daughter. She came over. She's pulling the hair from this kid, hurting everybody. My wife said I tried everything already. What can we do? Is hurting everywhere. A couple years ago I that she's she's probably had a hard day in school. I took on my lap and I start how was the day. I gave her 15 minutes losing my she went off my lap. She was greatest mood. In the old days we used to right away react according according to their actions. We don't if a child feels good they behave good. If they feel insignificant they're going to behave like someone that's insignificant. They feel unimportant. They're going to behave like someone that's unimportant. If they know they're important to you and regardless of their behavior, their behavior is going to change eventually. We need to change their inside. The emotional system is what we're working on. We're not working on the physical. You can't get someone to get off drugs if you don't heal their trauma that they have inside them. If someone has pain and you're not dealing with their pain, you could do whatever you want. You can tell them and send them to to to to all kinds of groups, it's not going to work. The addiction therapy, it's not going to work. You need to fix their emotions. Allah said that in the times of after when it started he even went into it was the going there was the mass of the mass of the go were trying to bring us down there he said later was gulas we went through Spanish inquisition the holocaust there was gula he said now is gulas we all have emotional pain the gulas that we have today is gulas that's why there's so much therapy That's why we need so much therapy. That's why we're evolving. I think we're still up to page one from the whole book of real therapy. It's good where we're up to now according to were 10 years ago, but I'm telling you, we're still up to page one. Eventually, we're evolving. We're learning EMDR, different types of trauma therapy. We're getting there. We're not there yet. But we're getting to a place when we realize that the emotions of a human is is everything. And this is what the Bashettto said already 300 years ago when he was sitting in this town of Aus. It's all about connecting emotionally to the boy. Hem needs our heart. Our spouse needs our heart much more than the rules. And to be is only through the heart. Stop with the rules. When someone is emotionally stable, yes, there has to be rules in a relationship otherwise it would fall apart to hold it. Yes, we have to keep to mitzvah. If not the whole relationship falls apart. But the toy mitzvah is not about to mitzvah. to mitz is about bringing us to a place where we could connect the vikus to be dic connected glue to hashem. So whatever we do with our k is what we need to do with ourselves to the also. How about starting to love ourselves unconditionally even when we do something wrong. What's about our emotions? If I'm emotionally happy, stable, I'm proud of myself. I believe in myself. My behavior is going to be that I'll be a better father. I'll be a better a better husband. This is the perfect place where we came. They came right over here in the Bashento's town where everything started where the Bashento said from Msiah comes the only way that's going to bring Msiah is a rabb huge grand a not just plain a don't be scared of your child by telling them he's so great he's so good that child's okay I'm good it's not true we're pleasure-seeking people if we have pleasure we're going to want more you give someone $1,000 he wants 2,000 million was 2 million is a good thing. You have a you want more. So don't worry, don't tell you're going to learn every day five minutes a day, one mission a day. So other people that don't come from this from the bash doesn't influenced from from from this to from the bash in is going to say what are you doing a day is enough? He has to learn two times a day in the morning of night. My zid is used to learn six hours in the morning before he went to work. My eld did this. Are you telling him one mission a day is enough? Let him enjoy and appreciate one mission. He's going to on his own want to do two mission tomorrow and then five years from now have nobody stops when they have pleasure. Everybody wants more. Don't be scared. Don't be afraid to say your child is git. A lot of go around and they say how and others can't stand it. They come from a very different we're in this. Now we came here we for the next 48 hours maybe less 36 hours. This is what we need to absorb. The vibes these floors these the energy everything in this place is where Kesha started. Every single program in the world is only because of the it's all from the he was the first one that started that said you need to go out there and bring back Eden to to to love to have a relationship with and there were many opposition we know of history there was big sadik and there were great sadik but they didn't understand them yet he was a little too early for his time now we understand it very well that the only way to bring Eden closer to the is through and said and including yourself and by doing that this is how we're going to bring back and to be closer to the and to have to be to Mashiach just want to say one more thing the last time we were in in from Keshani was in the rally hotel. I don't know who was Jacobson spoke this morning and he said that was on that I think it's the fourth that's the piece huge came over came over to Jacobson and he gave the said look what says this week unbelievable he He says all talks about finding a but the bottom line is what he says there is you need to be strengthen another this is the only way you could bring them closer to the if there's other people that go and tell them you're going to go to you don't do it like that says the only way is already 180 years ago says you cannot be if you're emotionally not stable if you don't know yourself if you don't know your emotional system you cannot bee it's not possible to bee the only way you can be hashem if you if you're in tune in your emotions and if you want someone else to be hashem be in tune in their emotions We do not behave according to someone's behavior. We behave to someone according to their feelings. We get them to feel good about themselves. Believe in themselves by you believing in them and telling them Hashem believes in them. That's the moment their their their outcome is going to be the results is going to be that their behavior is also going to change. You walk into a big Walmart and you want go shopping and suddenly you see smoke. You see a fire and you go right. What's going to happen? It's all kind all kinds of people. Some people going to see smoke. They're going to run out of the store. Some people going to run towards it. Maybe I can help someone all kinds of everybody's going to have a certain behavior or fight or flight or freeze. Right? If you see someone running means they feel scared. You see someone breaking something they feel hurt. If someone spites you like many of our children it's not us, it's them. But we want to help them. They feel angry or at themselves or at you or they think it's you them or someone else. You need to change that feeling, not their behavior. They know what they're doing wrong. We don't need to tell them you're doing wrong. Ice and pink. Everybody knows what they're doing wrong. We don't need to tell them you're not supposed to be doing that already. Shouldn't be drinking too. As soon as you smoke weed, you going too much. You shouldn't do You shouldn't dress like that. She doesn't know. She's a Baku girl. She doesn't know. She doesn't dress like that. She doesn't know. She doesn't know. We don't need to tell her that. We ignore that. I had a b that came to me and he lived by me for a short while until I found a place where I need to stop. And I remember he he was eating I I gave him a hot dog we had and he's sitting over there. He's eating his hot dog and he goes to my fridge and takes out a cup of milk and drinking a cup of milk like that. I didn't say a word. I'm smooing with him about this about that. At the end he says show me what he's like. Why don't you tell me something? I said about what you don't you don't see I'm eating like I said and yeah but you know I'm not Hashem's policeman I'm not okay we're done have to stop. So that was the idea I didn't want to connect I didn't want to react to his behavior. I was continuing to give him love acceptance and connection. should be to connect to the message of the and we should spread the word to all the other people that don't have kids. They shouldn't have to have it. They should know how to connect emotionally to everybody around them and to build everybody through emotions rather than through behavior. Thank you very much. You've just experienced another Torah class brought to you by tora anytime.com.