kesher nafshi BBQ

This Torah class is brought to you by tora anytime.com. So, I'd like to address, if I can, first of all, I just want to apologize. I I came I'm actually on vacation and uh I did something very important that I think is very important for all of us. It took me a long long time to be able to do it. In fact, this is the first year after so many years of uh bringing up my family and the with struggling children and doing the best we could to reach them and then and help them. So every summer my wife and I comeish until the beginning of to spend time with our children to be alone with our children and we go around the country and and bond with our children and our grandchildren. And this is the first time for two weeks that I shut my phone, didn't answer emails, I didn't I didn't do any work. I didn't schedule any clients. is two weeks and and I share this with you because it at my kishkas out. It was the hardest thing I think I've ever done. Even though it's like so part n it's like anyone would sit here thinking so but it was the hardest thing in the world even now after all this time all these years all these dashes and I listen to myself because I enjoy listening to the dashes he speaks well so I enjoy listening what can I tell you I listen one time I we were in Stalin Stalin the reb asked He took one of my dashes on and they put Hebrew subtitles. They paid for it. It was two and a quarter hour. They got all the mashkim and the weather and we watched it together and then I spoke afterwards and I gr enjoyed it. The guy was Kish. I'm telling you, Lisa, it took me everything. I I share this because the things we advise and guide and talk about, you know, sometimes I realize even when I do listen to snippets they send around, you know, they little clips and things go around on WhatsApp and I listen and it sounds like as if everyone should be able to do this as this is a dova paret. This is simple. This is easy. This is what you do. And I'm just sharing with you that even to this very day, I'm still working on myself zag to prioritize being present with my children to be present with them. That's this this isn't being present with the kids. This is not being present or it's it's really not even being present like this. That's also not present because the moment he goes you take a look what did you say at some point and I learned it took me all these years what can I say I'm I'm embarrassed to say it but I I feel I'm amongst friends mish guta friends that I can share it with you and I share it because I understand that this mahalak this approach takes everything out of us. It rips our kishkas. It seems in the head wrong. The head tells you it's wrong. The heart tells you I can't bear it. And the goof I just want to give fetch and solve everything. It's tremendous tremendous aid. So I heard Gdali you said it at the beginning you know that we should understand that and I think it's m Islam and I can tell you after all these years of working 30 years plus I'm working at this it's still a va to do the most important thing for our children which is to be present in their lives where they're the priority. My child is my focus. When my child experiences me that my heart, my digger, my caring, my love is for my child, for their in this world. They should be happy. That's what a child who's born into this world believes they have a right to that experience. And this is where I'm not going to get sidetracked yet, but I will. But this is where when it comes to the yamay and to yont, we get lost. We get so so lost so easily. We get lost in our the image and picture of what yant should look like. What's the hog should look like with all the muses we heard when we were young that we're still trying to do the stuff that we were taught that we're still trying to work on it and we're all trying to our lives and what gets lost in this picture is being pre what can get lost is being present in in the life of my child. Someone wrote me a beautiful email in response to grat one of the keshiidashes. Doesn't matter which one. They wrote me a beautiful email, very very thoughtful, thoughtful email in which they pointed out that it would seem from watching many many of the dashes, not just mine, no other dashes that everyone is giving that when we talk about prioritizing the relationship we have with a child that a parent child relationship is the bossis on which a child will one day hopefully transfer the image the mus of the that there's now it's true theta gives us a package of choice about mitzvah encourages us choose he doesn't make us doesn't force us he gives us a and and he encourages Choose. Please choose. And to do that he gives us he gives us he gives us structure parameters to encourage and help us. Abidos is another. He wants the best, puts it in our hands in a loving way and then supports it with with to help us understand the to understand the like the Zesh says, you know, the asks about all the uh the some you find in the the Z brings down He asks how does that make sense that that what it has to surely depend on how much mitzvah and a person does in the course of their life the how could it be the sameish for every person and everyone does different different mitzvah differenth so the says it's it's to give mim it's to give a m of the gives these rankings of but of there's different things for different people depending on what you do. We're meant to give structure to our children in a loving way and we can lose this very very easily. time. It's extremely easy to lose being present with your child. Realizing your child looks at you and from you has the only from you has the potential to buy a mus that they can then transfer to the Aaron to the bum and that comes through us. This person wrote a very beautiful email. He was summing up all the drushes like everyone you not again not just mine but sort of the keshani approach he said it sounds like that's what you're saying it was so sharp was such a insightful comment because that is our role that is our role you know I often explain by the way I'm not going to dash in here I'm just just some opening feelings to share with with yidim but you know I often talk about in the in the crisis model that the primary dogish of the model is on us is not on the kids. The secondary focus is what shall I do? How will I help my child? That's the secondary focus. Well, that's not the primary focus. What do I do to fix and manipulate my child? Because most of that won't work well and won't have kum. It doesn't last in the long run if that's the primary focus. But if the pri primary focus is me, if the primary focus is me becoming the the the aaramon of my child's life, again, that doesn't mean that I have to be a neb and and give into everything and everything's yes and and pour out all my money and mortgage my house. It doesn't mean those things at all. What it means is that whatever is appropriate in my interaction with my child, is it loving? Am I kind? Am I prioritizing my child? Or am I prioritizing my mitzvah, my shabas, my yontiff, my minhagim? What am I prioritizing in my child's life? How do they see me? How do they view me? That's the I always say over the vault from the measurer the beautiful vault theat is where the the g right where the g the the comes to sh and says I'll stand on one foot you'll teach me right. So what is it? Sham. I pushed him away and Hill says to them, "Well, you don't like don't do it to your friend." And everyone frags right away. Who is Ben? Who is the all this question? some answer that if you'll do you'll come to Ben it'll be ko it's a v it's a lifelong this is a v for life and it's our v this is our this is our how does it how's an emphasis. It depends where you put the comma. [Music] What is hateful is bad to [Music] don't do it. If it doesn't connect you to don't do it, the rest is all go work it out. [Music] And it's our if we would have that sugia through the yim when we get caught up in the mitzvah which we should nothing wrong with this beautiful thing. All the mitzvah the ma mitz to bring us they work for us to bring us close to that's what they're for right the zel right the to bring us close to bum to us with our children need that whatever we're doing and how we're doing it and how we act around our mitzvah is going to make au with them will attract them to us. We'll make them want to sit in our suka. We'll make them want to be at our table. It'll make them want to enjoy being around our tish. One year, I've said this story many times, but it's such a good story. One year we were in Sus and we had a bunch of bachim boys from fishesha. It was such a beautiful story. You know the story but I say it again. I think I say it 50 times. It's such a good story. Oh, so a lot of new people say you have to hear this story. It's unbelievable story. I have a bunch of bakers bakim who who you know somehow they ended by us rashana. So I told my wife this is going to be an Andes rash you know normally me I'm with with Tyra and stories and mimatans you know we're very fake I said this year we got these boys they're barely they're hanging on some of them and when they walked in you could see the so I said it's going to be a different y so we talked we smoozed rash was just smoozing about their lives, their music, what they're interested in, what they're not interested in. Let them all say their hatred for whichever yeshivas they hate. You know, you got to talk about yeshivas. So, may as well, you know, talk about Yeshiva. And by them, it's how much you hate the yeshivas. Okay, at least we talked about yeshivas. It was good. So, this whole this went on the whole meal and we my wife and I held on to it somehow. One of these boys was from Lakewood. So I sent this this young man off at the end of the meal I said we're going to bench in a minute you know I told him benching is optional don't panic don't panic it's okay I said but if you don't mind you know 40 you know shaman do you mind if I say a small before we finish the meal just a tiny one a little one we call it an SMV a short meaningful v I'll make it ssmv a short short meaningful v don't worry 30 seconds or less. So they're looking at each other. First of all, you know, Rabbi, you really got to ruin the whole night for us. You know, we had such a nice night. But listen, it brings out so many goodies come from this. This happened by accident. So I tell them, I promise you 30 seconds are left. You can time it. You say to me, go. I'll go. I'll finish within 30 seconds. Do you think you can handle it? you know, I don't want to traumatize you all, you know. So, they're looking at me. They're laughing with me by now. And they're looking at each other. Yeah, we can handle 30 seconds, but only 30 seconds, Rabbi. You know, 30 seconds. That's it. I said, "Good. Okay. When you got to watch, yeah, he's got to watch. You say go." And I'm going to say a 30 second vat. So, they're all quiet around the table. And he says, "Go." And I say nobody can go back and create a new beginning but everyone can start today and create a new ending. Have a wonderful Yant. What happened next was Moira Shabbik because these guys start highfiving each other. Wow. That's if I heard different Torah like that, I'd still be from boy oh boy. And then they went wild. They went wild for an hour and a half. We're sitting at my table for an hour and a half with passionate conversation about this is the kind of Torah they want to hear that relates to them that connects with them. This makes so much sense. No one can go back and I made so many mistakes. We can start today. And they brought ry and ths and ys and mayas. It was Moira. This you understand if we can get out of our heads. We all know how we would like to prov you know everyone has the remember the way the Zeta did it right. Whatever the Zeta did, we got to do now, right? Jerk Valava, that's the, you know, it's got to be right. But it doesn't have to be that way. A father for ourselves, you know, I was never in all my life with all these 30 years of struggling children I brought up. I never ever compromised myself once. Ever. Never needed to. Never compromised my avoid ever. I shifted my avoider but I never compromised myself. Never ever. I in the eyes of my children I remained a sincere ever hashem and the and the the avoid hashem was changed to be about connecting them tota because I felt pretty connected. I didn't need this. I was good to go but they needed it. So that became myem. What doesn't connect you what doesn't connect you to your child don't do it. If certain hogers and minogim and you know whatever it is you're doing we used to go as a family to tashik. We all went as a family. It was a beautiful thing. We found a private place on the lake, you know, in Lakewood there, the men's side and the ladies and then you could go other places if you want to go as a family. We went as a family. It was a beautiful thing. We went together and then I saw they don't want to go. They don't want to go. Mosquitoes, it's late. It's this every terror, you know, want to go to sleep. So I let it go. So we won't. I didn't even go rash. I'll go I'll go another time. I'll find another time to go. It's okay. It's not my kids are the priority. That's the shift forai. If we go into Yant saying to ourselves, how do I shift myself to with my kids to bring them to the I'm good to go. I'm fine. Nothing's going to get nothing's going to hurt me if I don't do all my halleum this year and if I do them privately or quietly or not at all. It's near the end of the world. But with our kids, it could be the end of their world. It could be the end of their world. So we shift the focus to being present with our children, connecting them and finding a way that talks to them and not about trying to get them to work with us. It's us overcoming our own ego to work with them. I hope this makes sense. Okay, let me go. [Applause] I first have to integrate it, absorb everything. Everything was just listened to. I have to take it in. I'm living this nan myself on a daily basis. I posted on my status this event and uh a lot of gien that are not z to go through this nan we're asking what what are you doing you're prepping the forum now what what they don't understand us that all of us are living this on a daily basis and we are very concerned and stifled and confused how we're going to go into the yum sikas having one child or a few such children in our house we have some of us have married children they say this child is coming I'm not coming all kinds of nanis that come along with this with this huge nan and yes that we do need to prep ourselves to getting into this into into a shabas like this and they used to say that of the mitzvah is the mitzvah The preparation for a mitzvah is even bigger than the mitzvah itself. We need to prepare. Don't just walk in on a y on a shabas table a ya without planning where that child is going to sit if you for that child to want to be with you by one of the cedas or more. You could plan before to try to see that they should want to be in your house if possible. and you could plan ahead how you could talk to your other children on how Shabas and Yamashun is going to look like. Many of us have little kids. I I have all ages. I have a 8-year-old and a few married and everybody in between. And the little kids are coming home with this little leaflets from the and the pictures seriousness and then they come home and there's a very different image. Everything looks very different. Some of my younger kids are very canoe by nature. I don't know that didn't for me but some are canoist and it bothers them every time they see the older sibling doing something. So we need to prep them as well. You don't just walk in on a shabas and a like this without thinking ahead and planning ahead. And obviously we know that and and to start doing that is now is the time and that's why bring up a lot of I was thinking yesterday said I didn't eat. I didn't drink for 40 days. He was a good storyteller. So he was saying after Ding and it was already turning in the afternoon and later and there was not let's call it bothered him but standing and talk this this aid of the bash of this avoid of that. He didn't see it as aem. He came over. He wanted to make a little fun of him. Says, "Now I understand that was when something is so interesting, you forget to eat and drink. You're a good storyteller. That's all it is." Got very serious and he told him, "No." Mosher Ra didn't say it as like a sort of a compliment on himself. He was saying that he's dreading it. He's hurt. It bothers him that he couldn't eat and drink as a human being because that is the avoid of one hand I was kind of bringing down the anding a pleading with but I was losing out the doing the simple avoid of of eating and drinking the way Hashem wants us to do. This is this is we all know but this is the Hashem. Sometimes we want to be in we want to talk to the you're missing out being human and doing things that sometimes not considered it doesn't seem it but doesn't feel like aem but sometimes if you could have one of our holies sitting by a shabas table aish and being there and being in the house and dressing a certain way and prepping our children before Shabas before the in the room how it's going to look like and telling them that this is our avoid now who says Hashem wants you to be doing other things this is our avoid to bear of our own sibling this is our avoid and you prep them for it they're going to come into Shabas instead of dreading it and being angry and upset look what happens this and that you know walking around eating and drinking which a lot of us have experienced in the past if they're going see it. We're going to prep ourselves and knowing that has many different avoidance. It's not only sometimes doing the grace is this the working on your own. This is the And this is what we can start doing now. We're starting to work on ourselves and starting to realize and to see as the says before that to give up a little bit of the image and the zah it is giving up the image is the beginning of this whoever is doing this but whoever is a little deeper into it it's not so much giving up the image of the family and the it's the own image my own feeling of I'm not doing a hashem and we need to know that even this is avoid avoid is sometimes to eat and to drink and to sit with these kids and to bring with them and buy them the clothing that are not very comfortable. I met a Yid. He told me that he was he went shopping in in the Palisades mall here. There's a Palisades mall and he sees a rebid a son of one of the biggest in the in the world walking with and he has a child that's that wanted to wear different color shirts. He wanted he was like he wanted maybe some kind of under the colors and he went in with him in all the stores shopping with him. It was jeans and you know he was mish doing his with his a guy. Avoid hashem is not the way we decide. Avoid is the way he hashem decides and hashem decided he wanted your house to look this way. This is this is but obviously don't just you have to talk about it. You have to talk to the other kids. You have to prep yourself. Talk to your spouse, to your wife, to your husband. Prepare yourself. You should have the to do it and to realize that this is the way wants us to do it. That we should let the others speak that we should all start tapping into this level of avoid of being able to see that Hashem wants us that this is the way Hashem wants us to have. This is the way it's supposed to be and this is the you can ever have and this is what wants from us and by knowing this and it and doing aggressive ready now this we should be able to to have a y of [Applause] Um this past Shabas, this past Shabas, someone came over to me. You know, there's always in every bismish, there are a few people who make sure that first of all, your ego doesn't get into your head. They they they ground you, right? Grounding. It's it's important. And besides that, it's good for the blood flow for the for the blood. It's good. It keeps it keeps us going. So someone came over to me after the lining before missive and he said, "No, there's a ping this week's par last is gone." So whoa. Okay. I I was I was I was dribbling by but I I wouldn't I wouldn't miss such a about the first part comes to him at M says okay so I said let's and so it gives us time to think and hashem sometimes when you're really desperate Hashem puts words into your mouth that you don't that you can't prepare before and actually part of it someone was sitting here someone just mentioned to me this word that I once said and part of it I used I told him really The pik should say in real dick it should say as a father punishes his son is yaser is it's a massive it's a atmosphere it's an environment of punishment like a father brings in a an environment am I saying the right word into a home what does that So I told him the way I learned this is as a father is an of together with his son is he's what are you talking this is the whole crisis yeah It's Hashem is with us when when we are is Benoy in the same m and I I told him what I once said at Shabbi that there is no bigger Rh thani and there is no father that has more kids OTD than Hashem has and he still loves us and he's still with us when we do it the right way. Before we get into just a few details, it's important to bring out Hashem gives me this to speak privately with many parents. There is something it's good that everybody should know about it. The says who is who in his face you see him he's shining sahal he's shining smiling but is so the world when we learn it usually we focus we emphasize the first part is push but the fun of that's the is the that we shine that's I I think many times that is the easier part. We have to emphasize on the li we have to keep it in our hearts. Meaning we should not feel when we're going through hard times when it's painful. Yes, it is painful with all the and the douches and the concept. It's so clear. It's all black and white in our head. It's still a bibbo and it's normal. That's part of being a it's I'm not lacking in Yiddish. I'm not lacking in I'm not lacking in if I'm in pain. It's important not to push the pain away, not to ignore the pain. It's normal. It's healthy to be to face it. So that's part of the it's the concept of understanding. Yes, we need to keep it but that one of them comes out naturally if we get this concept right going into I'll just mention today was the from the was he was whoever knew there was he didn't live a natural way but I like there's many stories of him stories which doesn't help me at least because I'm not there. But there's a simple simple story that I heard firsthand which is so important for us to always remember when it comes to with healthy kids with struggling kids. He had the Mic in this later years and it's already so there were thousands of people wanting to go in and the high before Shashuna were waiting to go in. So the way it was set up, the bel was sitting at the head of the table with his head down. Whoever knew he was always closed eyes and he would make a sign with his hand and the gab, whoever was there would open the door at the end of the room, the other end of the room and people started coming in. They were waiting th hundreds of people whatever and they would come, coming, coming. When the roof mate stopped with his hand, he lifted his hand. The gaba closed the door, whatever it was. And then they would go through one by one, put down the kit, and the roof would vinch. and they would go out and another door on the other side. So this way sometimes he would open the door again. So another batch of people would come in sometimes not not opening again meant could be two days three days there was no timing no day no night. So it was people were waiting for a long long time. So once people were coming in and the bell roof lifted his hand to stop and the gaba wanted to close the door and there was a man standing right next you know when when the police blocks off the highway for an accident the first car will always try to push through because I can still make it. So this guy he was strong enough and get he gave a push and he got in. He was the last in the last in the line. He felt good because he was able to see to watch the roof such a long time. So he was the last. He put on his skittle and the roof lifted his head and he pushed the kitt back and he said, "How do you say that in Yiddish?" In English, how do you not get our way? He saw that he pushed himself in. He kept so he got frightened. He took the kit and he went to the door. As he was standing by the door, the roof calls him back and said this is in every aspect when it comes to when it comes to in every aspect especially when it comes with struggling child. Yes, sometimes there is yes we have to have our principles that the children should feel the boundaries how important boundaries are rules and boundaries is extremely important but let's not forget sometimes on ourselves we're also part of it where we should obviously it has to be used with and not to overdo it otherwise there are no boundaries but let's not forget when we do give in so called give in. It's not really giving in and it's it's and it's healing to a struggling child and that's important to remember when it comes to this part to coming into LL tisha I don't know why this event should be held for then I don't know 60% of cloud Israel would need guidance how to go through this and not to look for the sleeping pill that we can sleep through from to it's it's a it's a universal struggle that a lot of us have it's not just us okay but the a few basic things which is good to remember it's the number one is it's I don't know why I have no clue why because happiness tranquility has is not they say I don't know someone was once walking on the street and lul there's no just so you know it's l okay there's no there's no ranging boy September is coming there's no no such a thing it's fine we're we're doing fine but once a person was walking on the street and every it was screaming l from his face and someone went over to him and said what's wrong with you said I said so what's the problem with I said no it's and I You know what a year ahead. So I told him because you're s because of your sins you all have to suffer to bring sim into the home. Just this chabas I had an interesting cartoon that I had put away and one of my daughters brought it out and she asked me what is this? I have a drawer that I save good stuff for the right time. And she pulled out a carton, a a picture of a carton of milk, not a not a Kuliv company that I saw somewhere. And the name of the milk, the the brand is Happy Milk. It says happy milk from Happy Cows. And it's there's a picture of a cow on the grass roaming and, you know, doing what it's supposed to do. Happy milk from happy cows. So my daughter asked me what's wrong with that. Why are you saving it? They know when I'm saving something there's something there's a message. I said that the concept look the message we're given. In order to bring in happiness in the home we have to be a happy cow. What means a happy cow? No boundaries no rules. I can just roam and eat and the grass what I want and do whatever I want. The minute you put any boundaries around me, I'm no longer a happy cow. So the milk is is not a happy milk. Imagine a child getting this milk cart a carton of milk every day in front of him or her. It gives the wrong message to bring happiness in the home. can be such a happy time can be such a we say it's and forget about sik is just with the atmosphere we sometimes we get carried away with the simple stuff to bring in this happiness there's a lot of details which I'll leave for the professionals I just want to bring out a point which is very very important for grandparents. I know this is going to be on all over so anybody can watch it. There are so so many of us parents who first of all will have hardships with the in-laws, the grandparents and it's also the struggling kids that go through a very hard time. So the job of a grandparent is if you look it up in the dictionary what is the definition of a grandparent know what it means you are the father of the father of this child that's where it means that's where it starts that's where it ends a grandmother means you are the mother of your child and your child is the parent of their child right you all musk this what a grandparent means and let's keep the roles in that is you're done. You had your chance with your children to be when you were parents. Once you added that label grand, you can it's you're grand. You're gone. Okay. I don't want to make fun because let's be very honest. The mitzvah of is also on grandparents. Without them says there's a mitzvah of grandparents. So I'm not I'm trying to make it light but because there's a mitzvah of a grandparents. So the same as the the parents have to do the proper crisis so do the grandparents because you're maybe if you're not you can do whatever you want. No, we have grandparents have and if they will say something, do something, give an attitude or put certain rules and boundaries, not in my house and this will damage and ruin many times the work that your own kids were working for months and months and months helping your own grandchild to come back to heal. And sometimes one word, one smirk, one I don't know how to say it can ruin months and months of work. It's s it's it's so painful. And I'm not we're not blaming anyone, but we ask from our dear dear grandparents. Whoever is in this par you have a to learn crisis just as your children do. Be involved. If you have questions, ask. You're allowed to ask. You're allowed to challenge. It's fine. It's not ex everything is teaching us. Everything everything makes sense and it's proven. There's no you have to do this. It's you only do it when you understand what you're doing and you're in it yourself then you can do it. And that is something grandparents need to do also to bring in a for their own kids and other invite the grandkids. There's so so much a warm hug, a good a good from a z from a baba can do for a grandchild that the parents sometimes can do. After all, they're more distant. They have more the libo is not so p is not so intense. They can do it more. So we need to do it and we need to be in tuned into it for the grandparents and hashem should help if there's more points to bring up. We should all have a [Applause] but I I have to go. I promise my children I'd get back. They're waiting to for bring with me a Bissell tonight. I promised them. I got rash to come. I just want to make one last comment before I go. The um many of you have seen the book raising a loving family. So everyone, I hope everyone's seen it. if you haven't. So recently, this goes back, I think right before the last conference, I got an email from Yiddish of mine who at Tom Muug who went through the safer page by page wrote Kamorus but was mascil from the book. He called it a safer. Went crazy from it. And then one day I get an email from him that he digs with me on one issue that it bothered him very deeply. And I think it's nega to us. This what bothered him. It bothered me that it bothered him. But it's it's crucial for us to get through our lives, our yant to get through and and live the way we're meant to live and to bring to our children what we have to bring to them. This yant and every y we need a certain one key hashkafer. And when I wrote it in the book, he took offense to it and wrote to me this not alpra. He was upset with me this one thing because I wrote in the book in the end last couple of chapters on crisis that after all the years of a my wife and I went through in this suga with our children what the suga did for us what we became as people like it says at the beginning of the book the journey of parenting is not just about who your children become, but it's about who you become in the process. And what we wrote at the end was that my wife and I came to a place where we would not have wanted it any other way. And he took offense to that. He said, "That's wrong. This is not true. You should want it another way. You should want everything to go perfect. You should want the perfect children, the perfect matzah, and everyone does perfect mitzvah and perfect tyra and they all do the perfect and everything's fine and the as grandparents you sit there the head of the table from you get the picture with 17 in a row. That picture when you marry the last child off, right? I saw one of those. They go around every now and again. And I told him, "Forgive me, but I think you're wrong. I think you're absolutely wrong." The Aishta, he gives us our life. He gives us our circumstance. He gives us our children. I found it. It's a new piece. I haven't said it over yet. Isaiah states that before coming back and he shows you all three statement what your and your who you before you come back before you're born the whole thing and we all know to get through Sugya, we have to take a deep breath and accept the place I'm in is where I'm meant to be. Let go of longing for some other idealic beautiful picture image that we all have in our heads that we created that we desire and we long for. The picture where you are is where you're meant to be. is and psychologically perfect. If we're going to get through this sugen It doesn't take away from anything if we can let go of that picture and stay with the picture that gave me now where he wants me to be. Now if we could carry that with us, we can have a tremendous tremendous I can tell you my wife and I our throughout our lives we became who we are because of the struggles not despite them. But because of them I wish everyone will find that journey to discover that to our bench everyone that you should find that sweetness and that pleasure to realize this gift that Aisha is giving us will take us to places in a you could never reach any other way. You can't get there but you can get there this way. Is it painful? It is of it's a very glorious amazing aid. If you can just anchor yourself. I'm not longing for another picture. I'm embracing the one the Aisha gave me. The one the fiat. You've just experienced another Torah class brought to you by tora anytime.com.