Kesher Nafshi 10 Deleting blame and shame while staying sane

This Torah class is brought to you by tora anytime.com. Every morning by Ding, we say after the brus we ask. We ask Hashem that he shouldn't put us through challenges and definitely not through embarrassment and shame. According to the Balatana, gehennon is busha. Gehenn is shame. We're not physical in shm. What do you mean the mush is? It's like burning. You're going to burn in hell, right? It's burning and fire because we need to have a mush to explain what what what is ganam. So as a metaphor, we say ganamas is fire hitting but it's not a physical world over there. So we need to understand the amount of pain that has as a metaphor as a mush is how much a body has pain. But really what is gehan is bisha comes up and you see you see the loving the loving god the loving being everything and you're like so embarrassed of yourself. How dare I do an towards there's a story of uh that he was uh he was shunned by many people in sadikim in his time. Not everybody understood to his mahalik or they felt that he's wrong in his mahalik. Not that they they didn't bash that he's a sadic but they were against him. And there was in a different one of the cities one of the towns and he always used to talk against all his life. So you know how people are the the layman take it to an extreme and they they take all these kind of between and they turn it into a sh. So once was traveling from city to city and he didn't tell who he was. He's dressed like a regular like a porper like a and he came to the town of this yeid which always used to mamish talk against and nobody in that city nobody in that sh knew that this was in the olden days when he came to a town he went to the gaba and shul and after of the gaba used to clap on the um they say we have two guests who has room for this guest who has room so was one of these people and this y said I have room in my house and he didn't know it was a Oh, he never told anybody who he was when he traveled. He didn't want people to know. And after a few days that he realized said this person, the way he dabs the way he learns up all night, this guy is a sadic, is not just a regular person. And they gave him, you know, they took from him. In a few days, the whole town like saw that they have a special guest. It's not just a regular. And a few days later, another youth came to town and they said, "You guys, you know, you have it. You have breast. this this is this is so this person that was always bashing all his life he was like wow he he felt so embarrassed felt like such a fool like such an like how dare I talk again he felt his feet and he said please that I spoke against you and I was I had no I thought has tattoos and earrings and what is it called the other one so said now I understand my and passes. I think the talis brings it a few different bring this verse from the from from the bashes that there was once a ganash said. Hashem gives revenge and how does he give? It seems like Hashem is like this wants is looking to find us to do something wrong and and when he catches us he's going to give us the nom how does Hashem givea he reveals himself to us that is his how does he give us punishment why does when you see like wow and you come up to you see everything that was done to to you all your challenges was the greatest gift that Hashem gave you ever in your life. He feels like I thought that's ganam and the bashooj brings a mush there was a king king and and there was one of the people that was against him and he was also was constantly this said the story said that his said and this person wanted to do something against the king and they caught him and they said they have to hang him they have to kill him and the king said no no no I wanted to come work in my chambers I wanted to come work in this in the palace so king a guy like this you have to bring him in and this person started working for the king. He was first working in the landscaping. So he got to know the king a little more and this person started feeling like and he started realizing that the king is doing so much how many people are coming and he's giving sudukas and different and then later the king said a few months later I want him to work in my inner chambers till he worked in the in the in the in the palace and he told the king and he said he felt as well said how dare I talk against you or pl make a plot against you. you're such a good person and the king said now you got your now you got your uh punishment this was your punishment to get to see who I am so obviously but we every morning we said don't give us any challenges anymore said yes challenges we need to have you know we grow through challenges and it it turns us into we are and it makes us work on our ego and other stuff that we have but don't give us a challenge that's also a bazion that's that's too much that's already gan this world that is a bazion all of us sitting in this room and all the people that was here for shabas we all shed that that layer also of the bizian alone not enough we're dealing with this challenge with the nion of of dealing with children that are mammish in pain, children that are struggling with their personal life and with the yiddish kite and with everything else. It's just so much pain for us to see them going through this challenge, their own challenge. It's our challenge and it's our bisha and it's our biz and it's our we had so much hopes we wanted to have a a certain place in the community. This is across the board. It's not just the thing. Every person belongs to a certain norm, a certain community, a certain place where they want to fit in or at least seem normal. You know, everybody asked was what is it normal if I do that? What do they mean to say? Does it fit in with the rest of everybody else? That's what it means. It's not normal. Who says everybody does is normal? Is it accepted? That's really what the word normal means. But lamas, we're humans and we want to fit into wherever you live. when the Romy dressed like the Romans and here comes one of our children and just puts you out there. And many of us have children that actually go around bmouthing us also. This is a triple sign that many people that were sitting oneonone with a lot of people throughout Chabas this is like wa this is next layer. Not only they they go through their own pain and we see them going through their pain and then we have to go through ours. They still make sure to tell you my parents abandoned me. Yeah, it could be true sometimes, but many times it's not true and it's just very, very painful regardless. So, this is our challenge. Sometimes when it comes to dealing with a challenge is when we step out of the challenge and we say, you know what? Okay, now I'm in this challenge. Let's say I'm five years from now. I'm 10 years from now. Then the is going to be over or it's going to be hopefully eventually many of them. Things materialize this way or that way. Things change eventually. Think back of old he had 10 years ago and 20 years ago and 30 years ago and he had a even a few months ago certain thing. What's going to be with it? It worked out at the ends just like every other exactly I don't know. I'm not here to give false promises. But things do move on. I'm long enough dealing with with parents that have until I had my own kid, but even before I'm dealing 16, 17 years with people and I'm thinking back of so many extreme cases and boys that came to my house that made sure to eat when I gave them hot dogs together with milk and or spray painted their hair white or and and now they're beautiful people, you know. They were beautiful then also, but at least they found themselves. Sometimes we need to back up and look at the outside the at the big picture and say sees the before and the after. We just seen now. But sometimes we need to do that just to help us a deal with the stress and the pain of this challenge of this nissan ambiz that we're dealing with and just gives us a little kayak a little like you know what this is also going to end. This is also you know when we're in pain we think it's all going to be forever. It's it it's everything changes. Everything moves on. So what's our greatest enemy when we have a challenge? Time. Time is pain. You know what? Hashem created the world according to when he he compressed himself to create a space where he created the world. What did he create? He created the world means time. that there's such thing as before and after because before and after the world everything is in time things need to happen things unfold so when things are unfolding in a very slow pace it's very painful so time is very painful when you climb your finger a split of a second feels like an hour and when something goes pleasurable you have a good moments. It's like, "Wow, where did the time go?" Even with little kids, remember I couldn't wait for that. I have ADHD and I couldn't wait for the for the 11:00 when the bell is going to ring. That 15 minutes recess, but from 11 till 11:15 took less than a split of a second. Where did the recess go? I don't have time for nothing. Get back at the class. The next 15 minutes was 6 hours. And we know it now also as adults when you enjoy the moment. When you're on vacation, it just I can't believe a week passed. When you're dealing with problems, a minute is ages. In pleasure is above time. Mahaba is above time. It's endless. It's forever. We can't even understand. One of the reasons why we're not running after every minute of our day to do like because in our human psyche we can't understand there such thing as endless pleasure. We don't we believe it. We understand our elders from a thousand years are still sitting and are still forever. We can't understand it because in this world as the bashto have said this tonic to me there ain't a tonic constant pleasure is not a pleasure. We need it on, we need it off, right? If you love chocolate. I mean, I'm legally diagnosed choahholic. I know. But you know why I'm choahholic? Because I don't have it all the time. You buy me my favorite chocolate cases and put in my room for the next two months, I'm not going to look at chocolate. We only like chocolate because it's not something you buy every 5 minutes. Any pleasure that's constant is not a pleasure. It's a pleasure that we're breathing. A person struggles to breathe when they went through co the different types of things then suddenly able to breathe. Ah, thank we have so much tonic every minute of every day. We see colors for those of us who see colors. I have a best friend that's color blind. So, I have a tonic that I I don't feel like I have a tonic because it's there. It's constant. Of course, the goal is to get to a place to to to have a and to have recognition to to to to be thankful and grateful and to constantly think and realize everything that we have. It should be a tonic, but naturally it's not a tonic. We have it. I'm able to hear. I'm able to come. I'm able to go. Only when we lose something, that's when unfortunately that that's when we realize that we have. So time is a painful thing. We're always constantly waiting for something, aren't we? Waiting for something. We're waiting for hundred things. Each and every one of us are waiting now for a thousand things. I'm waiting for next week for the for the for for the payment from this and I'm waiting for that. I'm waiting for my child to grow up. I'm waiting I should grow up. I'm waiting for this. We're always waiting for things. Waiting for things is is a touch of ganam is is the waiting. When a good thing is here, we're not waiting. We want it. We want the opposite. We want time to stop right now. Let it be. We don't want time to continue. when there's pleasure when there's pain but I think I think everybody can understand this that time is symptom time is den is above time happiness and is above time there's moments of aava you don't there's no time is only our enemy only our painful thing is when something is having this awareness we could sometimes us back up and look at a bird's eye view of our life and say, you know what, from age zero to age 100, where am I? I'm here. I'm here. Here. There's still a whole world to go. This generations, the world didn't start and end now. And we try to look at it from the outside of time a little bit and try to see, you know what, as the Toyota says, done. He had one child which was he was mute he was deaf and mute that's all he had. So the kash is why it said and the children of donish is one child and his children can imagine how don felt. He had a child that was not able to learn. He was not able to talk. He was not able to do anything. And all his brothers were having children and one after was Ben and he had like eight kids. But the next para which is a few hundred years later in history set to count don had one of the biggest out of that don that kip that he had unfortunate kip got married somehow and had many children and he had many children he had the one of the biggest was done there's a big picture was very painful for them but if he stepped out of time and he said you know How do we know? How do we know when we go through a time of of embarrassment, ambition, it's so long? It's an I'm in this para for years. Two months feels like years. Ask all of us. We're like everybody feels old. But sometimes maybe now even for this few moments let's say you know what okay let's say Leonovi comes down to you now and he says you know what you your child is going to have his his or her awakening next year like Mayor was speaking here yesterday mayor what's his name he was he was saying that how his child turned around like one minute to the next and certainly advanced many people over here like where did it come from? It's a shame by all of us very soon but our problem is time and we don't know what what's what's next but if a would come around and tell you know it's going to be till next year this is what this is what the child needs to go through this it would be much easier for us why because you took away time from you he took away the whole idea of having to wait and guessing game where we're heading how long is going to This is something that it's going to help us a lot and then I want to add to this that I think creating support groups for all of us in Muny there's a support group and wherever Gina are living we need to create support groups and sit with other people just like we have the shabas if we could do this every second week for the men and women together or at least at the same time the husband and the wife should be on the same on the same page. Usually the women are going to show up more than the men. Men of they know already or they don't believe it's a good mahal or whatever it is it's not going to work. So or together group men on one side women the other side or at the same time and by the same facilitator. If we could create support groups we need so much of going through this nan and bizion there's no other way. How else can we deal with this? First of all, the bisha goes down when you find yourself like right all of us feel like this. It's already Sunday morning. We were here with hundreds of people in the same thing. One of the subconscious layers that it took down was the bisha. Oh, how many people didn't want to come to the shabas? So shabas before and how many people after years they still can't break themselves to come because this is the only thing they still have in their dignity. They have enough bish in their community wherever they live and people their neighbors are judging them. Why being car of your daughter? Why you let your son come in with a tattoo or with his friends of the Shabas and they don't understand you and they don't understand this mahalik and the bisha that they have but to come for shabas and still but then coming here is going to take is going to help that bisha the opposite you're going to find some of the most normal successful healthy people are in this in this room did this gives us ah I'm normal I'm okay Hashem gave me an assign of course there's There there's many different parts in our brain. one part in our brain beats you know we beat ourselves up ah I should have done this I should have done that we know the guilt part and then the other parts but these are just parts but the cycle is that there is nothing to do with the that we did and I'm sure all of us could find yeah that moment when the the manal kicked out my son and when the my daughter should have should have would have could have is the sahara I've seen people that have done everything wrong and that children are healthy leaders in and I've seen people doing everything right and they had children going off and were both raised this is the most beautiful part the Hashem put it into them had to go through this for us said that they said give us a child like this. We're going to struggle but for future generations they shouldn't think that it has to do with that the parents weren't doing the right thing. Abraini himself was a kip. He was a kip according to his father. His father was the biggest. You remember our great-grandfather. He was the biggest in the world. He was preaching not manate isn't the opposite. What is it called? And and and he chose the opposite. So we are children of capes for many generations. So when we come to realize there's still parts in our brain that's going to do selflame but that part doesn't have to talk all day. We'll listen to it once a week. Yes, I should have. My husband's fault, my wife's fault, and I should have and I should have listened and why didn't I come to Kashi 10 years ago and I should have I should have and would have. Very nice. Yeah, learn from it. Yeah, it's good to learn from the past. But don't beat yourself up from the past because it's silly. We say mistakes. Who understands? He says me. Every mistake that you made, Hashem and Hashem wanted you to make that mistake because your child had to go through this what they're going through now. We are not allowed to beat ourselves in in a thinking moment. We're not allowed to beat ourselves up for doing mistakes. Mistake in business and lose that a few hundred,000. He wanted you to make a mistake in he wanted you to make a mistake that a person wakes up in the morning they have to say what do I need to do today I'm going to do this business everything in our life for our health we're going to go to the gym and we're going to take care of and everything that we we're going to do everything we can today before you go to sleep you have to everything is up to me today whatever I'm doing that's that's that's going to be says the bash before you go to sleep at night. Everything that I did today, everything that happened to me today, Hashem did it in the morning. You have to know I have before the fact you have after the fact. You should know you had zero. It's exactly the way Hashem wanted it to be. How that works is a conversation for 6 hours, not for now. But this is what the Basham wanted us to understand. Retroactively, everything that happened to us, every decision that we made, every we did was we only have before something happens after we have zero. It's complicated how it works. And the answer to that is it's it's it's like Anything that has to do with time, we are in a time frame. Our brain works there before and after. We're in Simpson. We're still in a place where there's time. So, we can't understand something above time. It's an above time concept. Hashem knows what we're going to do before we do it. And then we still have how does it work? We are in time frame. We cannot understand something above time. It's a time issue. Every computer in the world has a clock. It cannot work otherwise. If you hack the watch, the clock in a computer, everything is deleted because everything it it remembers is when it was put in, which date to which hour. So, you put in this folder and that folder. But if it doesn't have time is this picture to be remembered or not to be remembered. The only way the memory works in a computer because it has a time. Even if you unblock a computer for the longest time that there's a tiny battery and the watch the clock is still working and that's how our brain works. So it's again has to do something with time. So is before something happens. Of course we have to sit here and learn chabas and try to pick up as many ideas as we can and try to but after the fact if you blame yourself you're being very human. But it's coming from a har perspective. Yet perspective is I am great. I'm a good parent. I'm a good person. I tried my best. If this happened, this is what Hashem wanted it to be. And this is probably the greatest struggle that all of us have because we went to we went to yeshiva when we grew up and we were told that all your actions is up to you. You have right. We came in this world to choose. And then suddenly you have a child and you say this child has no choice. This child is a trauma victim. Right? We went through all this this whole training chabas and there's no beh for this kid. Whatever they're doing, they're in a they're not in a state of mind. They're not in a state of of making choices. So we we come here and this but for the children, for our other kids, the skips as we call them, the siblings of Kips, for them it's torturous. Like so so so you're letting that child do whatever you want and and and what's happening to us it's I'm soon I'm going to be talking to the skips. There are moments when people do not have I learned a lot of as you can see my head is is is very very programmed the first few three generations of I love this since I'm a teenager was kiss everybody every time how's it possible A big chunk of the of the against in the beginning original time was this very this very issue you people all the whenever they saw the guy that was the this everybody was called sadik and everybody's good you know and the used to take his biggest they were 24 hours into the ve and everything and he used to tell them go for a shabas to this and this guy that that that I'm They aren't such that they used to be there before school and he said I wanted to be for Shabas by this by this person he said reb okay he was there for Shabas the guy doesn't know how to make a a mazinist on on a grape juice he doesn't I'm earth came back after shabas hund such stories whoever reads anything about and he came back he said reb nothing why did he see that tell me the schedule shabas morning when he made his coffee this this this ye he was crying and he said please make sure that my children should always be and said that that filler that he had is bigger than all of our villas doing for there's another tot went and saw another person jumping over the river back and forth and he said to Tom to a shepherd while this sheep were were drinking from the water over there from the stream he was jumping over the water they said Tommy Tom tom tom that was the only Kurdish word this guy knew And the talmet, the bashto bashto told me, I want you to go to that in that that place for this hour and don't say anything behind the stone. And he watched this guy jumping back and forth. And he screamed and he said to her like the guy's already saying a word. I said to why why to? And the guy got confused to it wasn't the same. Came back to the bashto bashto said you know the shim they're very upset with you. His tom he meant it from his heart. He was diving to Hashem was the only word you know it was so real so deep it made such him you're coming and you're and you confuse them a little bit you have to know that it's not so so the bash constantly used to take of course it's we used to learn with them the the biggest in the world they were the rebbas of our rebas but he wanted them to understand even the push and the pushed is someone that who says this is their his to say to our child could the whole Could be if she should had one more piercing on one less, one cigarette less on Shabas. One cigarette that one cigarette less on Shabas could be in Shmayim a million times like I kept Shabas for 10 years. Do we know where someone else's is up to? I only know where my biker is up to. And this is what I saw a lot in the kadeshi and many told me about I have I know where my biker is. I know where my struggles are. And people around me would say, "Oh, he's doing that thing wrong. He doesn't know how what a big struggle it is for me, that one thing." And then other things are so easy for me. And so, wow, it's a great guy. It's easy for me. I know where my is most of the time. Not 100% of the time. Where your biker is, I don't know. This is what the Bashem taught us. I don't know where another person's bik is. And if you have this fact in you, you can never judge anybody. And to me, everybody's a sadic. Even the people that harmed me and hurt me in my life. At the moment, it's hard. I passed by. It goes to time and I'm like, if I would be raised in the same environment as this person with the same genes, the same friends, the same neighbors, and the same everything, I would probably be worse. I don't to me, nobody has bakira. Of course, my children, I'm raising them. I have to train them to to make smart choices. But if it doesn't turn out the way I want, they turn into kids and ah they don't have choices. Who has choices to me? Nobody has to me every person's in what was he went up to the people on this world that we saw right he he went up to were able to do it and he saw opposite world I saw opposite world people on this world the world should considered high achievers amazing people leaders is sadikim and in that world they're in the back and some people on this world okay and on shim they're sitting with the crown of the banam on their head do we know we don't know anything there was a story with this uh I heard from Jacobson recently such a beautiful story he said there was a lababucha girl before world war II she escaped Russia herself without her siblings and she came to New York for the first few months she was say she Mish it was Shabas keeping Shabas she had a job every Shabas she lost a job and she was not to be Shabas but after a while she caved in again do we know where her is she caved in then eventually she opened up her own company and she became very wealthy many many years later she lived in Boston somewhere and there was a lab school over there and they knew that this this fry woman this fry that's not from women is from Kabat in the time. So they went knocking on her door and they said, "You know, you're very wealthy. We're kabat. We want to make a yeshiva." And she said, "Sure, I want to give back." She gave a huge sum of money. They should build whatever it was. One of the misters, she was in New York once. The lab wanted her to come into the to theat to the to the previous. She said, "No, I don't need to go. I'm good. I gave my money. No, but you need to come in. She came in over there and the Reba called her by her name was he remembered from the high was like he can't maybe there were cousins. She does that. She says sobb started thanking her. I heard that you gave some money. So Rabbi is I'm not from anymore. I don't don't I don't want you I don't want you to to have a theat said from. We don't know who it's from. That's the conversation ended. We don't know who was from. We all know the the z was a tal of the he lived in the times of he wrote beautiful beautiful cabalistically and practically very shin and he writes over there that the says that kicks out throws out all the and it brings in all the sadikim he says but we see the opposite he says I guess in his times they already a lot of how could it be the says that this keeps the and it kicks out the he said then it must be in mitzvah of doing mitzvah mas of doing the mitzvah because this is not their avoid in this giggle in this time period that they came down in this world. This is not their avoid they have other things that they need to do now in Israel. They're building the roads. They're building the structures. And this is their we don't know our children. Our issue that we have with our kids is nish. They're yiddishkites. Our issue is that we're looking and we're seeing our children going through pain and that's why we are so pained for them. their bikes. You know how much that goes on between these group. We all know that they help each other. These kips are you go to and you see these the love between them and that it's so real. We are all robots and dancing there like that you know like and then you see these I work with these boys oneon one the said they'll run 2:00 in the middle of the night a friend had a flat tire they all wake up and come with their pajamas and give them a boost change the tire the girls help each other I I know we just opened the school I don't want to talk about it nowadikum meet them. We're just in pain for watching them being in pain. It's not about there's aid that came to and he said my son became a shabas my son became shabas in those years and said so the rebba said call him I want to talk to him tells the son the rebb is calling the rebb's calling leader he comes to the rebba he says reb you don't want to talk to me I'm a shabas specialist thinker was a smart man and he says Shabas what do you do what what do you mean your mahal shabas he says I smoke he says you smoke how many cigarettes do you smoke an hour said once an hour how long does it take you 5 minutes said okay so throughout the whole shabas you smoke you smoke about an hour so you keep shabas 23 hours this boy the next shabas was took one cigarette less and eventually he settled became a regular being a man got married the father was saying the story the of the he didn't see to him as a shabas he saw him the hours that he did keep shabas if we point out to our kids all the good things that they do that's the label they're going to want to label themselves and they're going to want to live up to that label and sometimes we're not even able to tell them at least think of it it's going to go it goes through the vibes are I'm dealing one-on-one with the kids all my life. I mean, for many, many years. They sense our vibes if we mean it, if we don't mean it, and what we say. We really need to take home the lesson from today, from this message and all the other messages we pick up. Shabas, it's a lot of work. But to internalize it and to really see them as people that don't have they have between Hashem is nothing with me. To me, nobody in this room has bak and definitely not the kids. They went through traumas and different things. Someone told me mamish this morning he said that over Shabas him and his wife he that he always felt that my child never had a trauma that went through molestation and everything does like all this kind and he reminded himself of something that happened in his family when this kid was like five six year old and he said him and his wife throughout Shabas said wow this must have been haunting that kid a sight he didn't tell me what it was that the his children witnessed a very terrible sight something happened. We don't know if our children are victims of trauma or not. Most of them are, but regardless they don't have bik nobody has my little kids have I tried to teach them. They also don't have one kid has ADHD can't sit more than 5 minutes. The other kid could and sometimes I assume that this kid and then 10 years later I find out something. We don't know. We assume that we know how much we is. Of course our job and I spoke about this in last shabon a lot. how to teach the young kids about and choices, how they shouldn't beat themselves up when they're trying to choose something right and it doesn't work out the whole so this is if we see it that way it's going to make it so much easier for us to beious and the what other people think what that person thinks that's that's person or maybe doesn't even have a choice if he's judging me. I can't I don't even judge the judges because if I judge the judger, I just said that that I'm judging. This judger also doesn't have a to me. I only know where my is up to. Obviously, when I was a little kid, I used to judge. I got a little older. I stopped judging and then I started judging the judges. Then I got a little older and I realized that I'm judging. Stop the whole thing. Judging is dento said hem is your shadow. A shadow does exactly everything you do. If you don't judge Hashem doesn't judge you. This is brought down from theemash many many times. In other words, this was something very strong in this. If you see the good in another person, Hashem is going to see the good in you. says from this I think the brings that before there's that has to happen to a person. Hashem sends under a similar story to this person and and Hashem wants to see what this person is going to say. So something times the story comes to you say a guy like that you got to you got to you got to put him into jail. You're just pusing for yourself something only pasking good for other people. Hashem sends you a situation. He wants to see how you going to pass and that's the Paskkin on you. Hashem. So we are stopping to judge. And my favorite quote I'm going to conclude with this. You know there's so many quotes going around in the world like constantly. But sometimes one quote sticks to us, right? We like don't judge, be curious. Just be curious. We're judging people a whole day. The person dresses a certain. Oh, don't judge. Be curious. The guy cut in in front of you in the car. You're like judging him. What you red light? Why judging? Be curious. Maybe you can stop the car and ask him and he'll tell you that his wife is is is in labor. It happened like this and it's and he walked the street. He was very into this avoid of only seeing good and saying good to people. He lived in Taliv at the time. There was hundreds of thousands of fen and they walked like that and he was it and it was a car passed by aasel. He used to say it's it's it's a it's a and one day there was this big uh schle truck tow truck and someone said this also yelled this the said yes. They ran after the truck. There was the driver and his wife was was in labor. Hashem was protecting him. He said Reb said something. I heard of somebody said that his idol was there. Someone wanted to check with Reb said he only saw good. So that Hashem Pascin on them good because he Hashem listens to us the way we passen and the way we pass on ourselves and the way we pass on someone else. Be curious. I'm wondering why did he do this? So your husband does something, he said something, your wife does something. We judge. We judge all day. We don't realize we judge. I don't understand why why do why do you have to do that? Say, I'm curious why did they do that? Most of the times when you give them the opportunity to explain, they say, "Oh, so let's stop judging ourselves." We need to stop judging ourselves. Don't judge yourself. Be nice and kind to yourself. You're also a complex being created of your whole background and your childhood and everything else. So don't judge yourself and don't judge others. We should all have to go through this design as soon as possible. We should be above time. It should be only pleasure. You've just experienced another Torah class brought to you by tora anytime.com.