R' Paysach Krohn "Peace in the Home" Shalom Workshops & CHAZAQ Event

we're all same abiding ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the bacterial community center where tonight the huzzah organization is proud to join forces with an organization that is very well known throughout the Jewish world for saving thousands of marriages in our community I want to thank the staff of Sean workshop Sean task force for helping us put the tonight's event together Vasya Kovac and Rho colloids and dr. singer and la bicicleta we'll hear a little bit later from thank you very much for all y'all really appreciate it a few quick announcements before we begin tonight's program we'll start off with upcoming Kazak events and programs that are going to be happening in the community starting tomorrow night every Monday night for ladies we're going to start the women's programs weekly classes this time it's to be in Q guardian Hills in Lobby Savitsky shows rabbits in sevilla see i've talked so much about hog refresher course for ladies only that's at 8:30 p.m. that was not in our weekly emails and parts of papers because it was a last-minute event the organ we organized last minute to me eight weeks so that's really robbery since Kishore on 73rd Avenue and to garden Hills keep track of everything there's a lot of Kazakh lines coming up so then we have on Tuesday night for ladies once again right over here in the back room we're gonna be having a special class on not sneeze and fashioned by Sharon lingered very famous lady we encourage other ladies to come to that we're gonna be having a dairy buffet as well it's $10 admission Wednesday nights writing in the screen for men only we have a special class on tiresome which brought by my brother the founder cuz I grab the hilum Arab for men only every Wednesday night at 8:30 p.m. and this Thursday night we're gonna be hearing from you guys gonna be hearing from him today they're gonna love him so much they're gonna want to come here um again this Thursday night we're gonna be having the one and only about a piece of corona once again at Bethel eio synagogue which is in Fresh Meadows then Monday night a week from tomorrow night we're gonna be hosting rabbi dovid Orlovsky life right over here in bed so all these events and a lot more that are gonna be happening or off can be found on the stock parts of papers we love to feel in this chairs like you do want to mention two more events three actually very cool to the live Ballmer suits the other were involved with much of shop is May 9th and Sunday make panic thanks ray updates so mate 9 to me time to see what's gonna apply suits that are worth five hundred eight hundred dollars in stores famous makers originating measure suits all since only hundred fifty dollars the proceeds will be going to the Zach's new after-school program review program that we're going to be starting for local kids in each Sivas kids that have success we need Shiva our kids that will continue as they're having success I don't go off the dare if anything along those lines this is a very new program that we're gonna be hope to be working on log bombers exact we'll be having a mint only celebration one of the local restaurants music and dancing delicious for me to be unbelievable Wednesday night made six and one more announcement is about ebates.com which is a site where you get special discounts for shopping online and whoever signs up to us a lot because I get twenty five dollars so we've used those that towards our different programs so you can go to exact that work seems easy GG for all these events check it out it's obviously - the amazing thing about Sam I could go on and on about the different programs but that's not why you guys came in to hear me speak I had the honor they gave me the honor to introduce I call him a man that has literally changed the lives of thousands of people he's been the featured speaker at our big serves active in for the last three years he's a minute actually lives over here to our nose aside for giving inspiring serum and lectures to thousands of people over the world he's a famous author of the maggot series the maggot books and he's also among just by the way a plug for that he's a very good friend of mine it's my honor to start off the evening by calling on by by pay sucker loud random it is such an honor and a privilege to be able to come to speak to all of you here at kazakh when I see Shimon kholokov and I know that by tomorrow morning every word that we say here tonight literally will be heard around the world because of Torah any time.com Kazakh and Torah any time , from the greatest organizations in the world Simon's father is here he hadn't been well we wish you to flourish Lima and a ship should bench you and your wife that you should see great knockers from all your wonderful children and grandchildren it's a pleasure also to be able to partner together with the Sholem task force with mrs. but Vasya Kovacs and of course rabbi Sokolov who all of you will be hearing from tonight throughout the workshops the Torah tells us something very interesting one the show bigg Gabrielle yeah of course that Gabrielle okay when the Torah tells us that Hashem decided not oh hey yo say autumn of AD oh it's not good for a person to be alone so then the Torah writes a few words and these words are the whole structure of marriage Hashem says SLI I will make for him now listen to these two words and you'll see this is what marriage is all about a czar a helpmate jeneggener you alongside him a there is a helpmate that's really what marriage is all about that the man helps his wife the wife's helps the man the man helps bring out the potential that the wife has the wife helps bring out the great potential that her husband has and then this connect do what is connected I mean the simple meaning of connect demeans alongside opposite and in the beginning when a couple gets together when they're going out or the first couple of weeks a month of marriage it's connected alongside their this so light they they can't believe it I mean their I gotta tell you some of the things that young cuz I'm in and calotype told me you know we are so like there's nobody that was ever created like us we both want to live in Israel and another couple actually told me do you know we both studied in Israel we didn't know each other in Israel and both of us on the way back to America we didn't take it that Rick flight we both ended up in Switzerland because we love the mountains I ask you is that not we're so alike do you know that one girl actually told me we both use crest with tartar control could you believe that so now is that not a marriage made in heaven that they both use the same toothpaste I mean what else is there in marriage right but what happens what happens a few weeks or a few months after getting married all of a sudden they can make dull is a little bit different it's opposite you know all of a sudden he begins to realize she's a date person I'm a night person you know she wants to go to sleep by 10:30 this guy was living in the Ashima he first came home back to the dorm at 10:30 that's when the night begins and she says what are you talking about I got to get my rest I'm going to work I'm supporting you tomorrow right you go you gone to the kollel to learn oh you know I'm the one that has the job now so all of a sudden you know he wants to you know stop talking and doing everything you know at 10:30 at night and she wants to go to sleep and then they begin to find out hey wait a second he's a spender and she's not a spender you know usually you don't ask these questions when they're going out like every time he sees a bakery he's gotta buy a Danish right and she you know she's traveling three miles you know to get tomatoes that are 1 cent cheaper for ground you know what sometimes it's just the opposite so all of a sudden you know that beginning to you know to get a little bit frightened and you know what's one of the things you wouldn't believe marriage and nobody asked this question in advance he's a neat freak you know he's so neat that you know he's picking out you know the bread crumbs from the toaster oven and she's a holy wreck you know what happened when she was a kid her room was such a holder bun her mother said just close the door so nobody will see it you know that's not a way to train your daughter you know just close the door so that when anybody comes into the house you know I'm telling you you know I Memorial you know so what happens is sometimes I come to visit the baby the day after the Britt's you know I have to take off the dressing so when we do the bris it's in the synagogue so you don't really know everybody looks so nice and fancy I come back the next day I can't believe this is the same woman this is what she can't believe it and then I come into the house and it's a hole while you know the clothes are all over the place and the bottles are long and she sister called rabbi quote excuse me I just had a baby and I'm thinking man you couldn't have piled up this stuff in six months what are you talking about right so now so now what's happening is that this guy you know he comes from my house so everybody was neat and now you know she's not even folding laundry she has a folding laundry you know since they got married so now all of a sudden oh then there's some conflict that is the riff that dissension and it connect all so that's the reason why we come here tonight because you know not all men were created equal and when a woman's surely were created equal you know so that's the purpose it's so important what the Shalom task force is doing here tonight now I want to tell you something I shouldn't say I had an argument with my wife because that's not the right thing to say tonight right so I had a discussion with my wife whether I should say this thing that I'm about to tell you right now she said I shouldn't and I said I should and I'm gonna do it anyway right because she's not here what kind of look at an example is this anyway right but I want to tell you where she is tonight you know there are many great organizations in Claudius RAL I mean you as we said Cause Act or anytime that come and show um task force fabulous fabulous organization that didn't exist thirty forty years ago but my wife and I are involved in an organization that's where she went tonight that is one of the saddest organizations in Claudius Royale we were just at a Chaba tone this organization is for divorced women it's called Sister to Sister you should never ever know from it now do you know at this shava tone that we had a few weeks ago and tonight the sister to sister organization they made like a little event for all the people who work in the organization there are 700 700 women with children from the age of 4 to 18 700 divorced women you know what that means that is something crazy going on we must make an effort to make sure that our marriages are perfect and if it can't be perfect it's got to be good and it can be good and that's what Rabbi Sokoloff was gonna teach us tonight because I want to tell you of those 700 women that were at that Chabot home that included thousands of children because each one of them has two or three kids and I want to tell you make no mistake about it those children are sacrifices many of them not all of them many of them are gonna be kids at risk we know how we looked up to our father and mother now a father mother they were the icons of life they were the great people and many times we're humble we think we're not so special but our kids think we're special and if we argue and we fight they're frightened out of their minds they're afraid they go to sleep they can't sleep they're crying but they know that their parents are separating that's the worst thing in the world soboro Hashem so we have an organization sister a sister that helps them but that secondary this is where everybody should have been years ago before they came to that situation and that's why when Kazakh and show them task force and people like mrs. Kovacs and Rabbi Sokoloff and Yaniv my ear off I'm making these things that's the purpose no marriage is perfect and I'm gonna show you something now that you will not believe and that's why I want to show you this it's not that no marriages are perfect what I mean to say really is that no marriage is always smooth and now I'm going to show you something in the Torah that you will absolutely faint right how in the world why did the Torah tell us this now before I tell it to you I want you to know that we are gonna talk about the greatest subdeacon in the world and we cannot compare ourselves in any way to the marriages of Abraham and Sarah Yitzhak and if God and Yaakov in the hell but if the Torah told us that even they had disagreements then we are supposed to learn just because two people don't get along and they have a discussion that's not the end of marriage that's connect die that's why God did not allow us to Mauer our brothers and sisters you know why cuz Hashem doesn't want two of the same type to get married exactly attempt doesn't need a clone of the same family over and over Hashem makes it that we are different and we're different than we have to learn to adjust and that's the purpose of a marriage were workshop to show us how to adjust now I want to show you something about Abraham and so now you won't believe this now you could imagine if there's a kid and the family we know all these type of thing the kid is the family he he's at risk right and now the father says listen you know let him stay here I'll take care of him I'll you know I'll give him unconditional love and he could stay here and the mother says listen no he's terrible we got to get him out of here because he's gonna ruin the rest the children and that's what happened with a Brahmin and Sara and Ishmael Avram said let him stay here and son I said no get him out he's gonna spoil you suck biyomon I love you Mel Abraham God says to Abraham Aveeno gracious god father post-acute face a european Ilana I don't feel bad for this child and hizmet and his Amasa find his mother which is of course his maidservant call a shed timer a letter surah jumma buccola whatever your wife tells you whatever Sanat tells you you've got to listen to her and Rashi says you know why because Sarah was greater in the ruach ha'qodesh she was a greater Livia then Avraham was an avi why is the Torah telling us this so that when a husband and a wife have a discussion they shouldn't be frightened a Brahmin Sarah also had a discussion and they went to the rabbi the wrapper was a shell and I shan't told him what to do and that's what it doesn't mean they didn't get divorced they had a discussion now listen to this you won't believe this but you remember when the mala him they come and they tell over to hum that you know your wife's gonna have a baby right and you know how old she is right she's ninety but this sucks Arabic you debar Sarah laughs and she says Dada knees again there's no way he's gonna have a child now we're not gonna have a child I'm 90 90 90 it's not happening so what does Hashem say listen to what a Shem says you won't believe it but Yamanashi my lover Nahum hashem says to Abraham what was that sucka Sarah why did Sarah laugh and she said I could have a child man he's a he I'm old that's not what she said she said my husband is old why did I shall change Rashi tells us an amazing thing Shana Asif the plastic changed I am saying change it and they are Shalom because of the peace in the family because she really said my husband is old no husband wants to hear from his wife that he's over the hill right so can you imagine Hashem had to switch what son I said because he was worried maybe they'll be him by his problem because and said ah it's unbelievable but that's what Rashi is telling us because it doesn't make a difference what age you are this always gonna be differences and I sham wanted this should be peace between a Brahmin set us even though said I said then her husband is old I shouldn't change it and said you know she said she's old so she shouldn't have left she should have faith in me doctor told us telling us oh wait a second you see Abraham and Sarah also had discussions they could have been a Shaolin by his problem and I shall avoided it and that's what the marriage workshops are all about to avoid understanding misunderstandings and to understand that we can argue we could agree to disagree nobody's gonna think the exact same we have different mindsets now listen to this then the tip tells us an amazing thing we've got she sees that the Eliezer is coming bought a luxury cz it's hot and she falls off the camel but tipo Malaga Malo she is yet such a holy person she can't believe she's in we're in the vicinity of a holy person viola Ella Evert and she said today but who is this who is this person here and he says you know this is gonna be your husband and she was in a total of awe of your talk now listen to this then it TV has a question you know Yitzhak was blind he didn't know that a cell was really a Rajah he thought ASA was it's a dick so why didn't drift Kasane my dear husband it's not your fault you're blind it's a visa Raja he's fooling you all the time Yaakov is did Sadiq you think base of his the Big Shot he's not and listen to what the native tells us it's an amazing thing when beret shoes have Dollard some of hey he tells us the law I am Yitzhak her relationship with you talk was not like Sarah with Avraham or ahem with Yaakov that if they had something to say they could say it she was so in awe of her husband that she could not even question him she could not say what was on her mind and the tourists telling us that's not the relationship you're supposed to have that's not good a husband should be able to say to his wife whatever is on his heart he should say it nicely and a wife should be able to say to the husband whatever's honors month not like RIF god that couldn't say anything and finally with Yakov remember when Rafa didn't have children I'm sorry okay somebody get that I'm sorry if Rafael didn't have children thank you and she says to yahko bring me children and he says to her taka sadly Kim an IV what am I instead of God what do you want from me pray to God we've a that's how you talk to wife Hashem says in the meddra she says to Yaakov caii me masai more goodies that's how you talk to people that are unfortunate just because you had children with an other wives that's how you talk to her hell I should've got angry Uncle Vernon punished him the marriage tells us so why is the Torah telling it to us you know why because when you have an argument don't be afraid it happens it happens with Abram and Sarah Yitzhak and Rivka couldn't be so open with each other she was too in awe of him and and Yaakov said something to the hill and Hashem said that's not how you talk and that's what a workshop is all about so we shouldn't get frightened and you know my father of uh Shalom he once told me something it's amazing thing and again in this thing is what marriage is all about the word United you know how to spell the word United write it down you won't believe it and the word untied it's spelled with the exact same letters United and untied you know what the difference is where you put the I write it down you'll see where you put the I that makes a difference whether the word is united or untied and that's a lesson in marriage where you put yourself are you always first everything has to be the way you want it then kasra Shalom it's gonna be untied that's how it sure is untied that's how community is untied that's our marriage is untied because people become selfish because they're thinking only about themselves what if they put two I in the right place then it's United then we can have a United Family a United community and the United Claudia cereal so I know that rabbi Sokolov is going to give you many many bits of wonderful advice I'll give you one of them I once heard this from a good friend of mine who's a marriage counselor I don't know why all my friends are marriage counselors but whatever and he once said that the Torah tells us that Hashem said to kaien La Paz ah ha tous Roy Bates sin rests at the door and dr. Abigail van yo D said the first thing when you get into your house after a whole day whether you're in your Shiva in the work place whatever it is the first thing should be something positive no matter even if you got a ticket if you lost your license you got at an accident well the kids got thrown out of school that's not the first thing you tell your spouse when you walk into the house the husband should say oh you know something hard a kitchen smells great or else he could say oh you know I made a great business deal today I heard a great she or or I heard something great news energy CIL or else the wife when she sees a husband after a whole day ah the kids did something wonderful today I baked your favorite chocolate cake my mother called she decided not to come you know something that's gonna make him smile so that's a simple rule when you walk into the house even tonight with your kids they're all gonna be up watching the Mets and the Yankees tonight don't get upset and the Mets better win but that's something else but anyway but but they're gonna be up right oh yeah just some I heard a great story tonight get into bed but you tell me something positive first you start with something positive it's very important La Paz our hottest rebates when a husband no matter what you walk into the house you're gonna set the tone your wife is waiting for you and the husband is waiting to see his wife say something positive say something nice and then of course they can be open with each other I just want to tell you one more thing and end with a great story I have a different Jakob Salomon he's also a marriage therapist and he told me something that's very very frightening lately we've been hearing so many marriages that break up within the first year for heaven's sake now we're not talking hospital along with this a medical problem and they didn't know about it so the family's deceived each other but I'm talking regular we thought normal people and we hear that after a few months or less than a year they're breaking up and then they're getting divorced what's going on and he told me something frightening now I want you all to hear this because this is an investment of the future the best way that you could guarantee that your children and there's no guarantees but the best way that were the closest to a guarantee that your children should have a good marriage is that you should have a good marriage because most of the kids who get divorced many of them come from the foster homes you know why because divorce all of a sudden becomes an option and today when so many people are ammonal it's Lunden divorce as I told you it's Sister to Sister and there's another organization called from divorce so people can feel I listen you know everybody's doing it so you know we'll manage no that's no good these women are so lonely I can't tell you how many of them call me and cry and the men are also only and they're fighting for custody and they're fighting in the battles and the courts and then the lawyers it's awful it's awful for the men it's awful for the women sometimes the divorce has to be but most of the time if they could just somehow have listened to Rabbi sokoloff somehow come to a workshop somehow it would be better it could be not not all the time but the ones that are gonna be sacrificed on the kids they're like chess players chess pieces this way this way backwards forwards young tough Shabbos it's awful we've got to do everything possible to make sure that our marriages stay together and become a happy place I just want to end just with this thing one of the greatest stories that I ever heard and you know people always ask me what's your favorite story I don't know if I have a favorite story I've got the top ten or whatever you know and this is one of the top 10 and I can just tell you that when I told this story many many years ago on a tissue above video without a doubt of all the stories that I ever told there was more reaction to this one than any other one ever that I ever stalled and the story was about a couple that had a number of children and the husband was always very much on time and the wife she was like you know more you know not always on time and you know he would want to go to the wedding and he would say how come you're not ready and she would say Salo hotshoe of you know it's not so important don't make such a big deal about it you know the things that were important you know say so they got along but a lot of things you know he wasn't thinking like what I want why do you leave the ditches to Sunday night why can't you clean him up Saturday night if such a bot why do you have to like there's a little shoe of the words that's so important selfish even Hebrew means it's not so important I'll do it you know tomorrow morning whatever so under small things she would always say Zelo cashews it bothered him but fine he knew for the important things they got along well it turned out that it was one summer she was up in a bungalow colony with the kids and she calls him on a Thursday night and she says hey listen till 2:00 tomorrow don't forget when you come up Friday bring the checkbook because we got a lot of bills to pay up here in the mountains he said okay fine and he goes right then and there after the phone call he takes the checkbook he puts it into his car so he's gonna have it he's very organized he's gonna have it for her and he brings it to her on Friday Friday morning she calls again don't forget the cheque well he said don't worry it's in the car ready fine and he gives her the checkbook fine of course she was very busy Friday Shabbat morning when he wakes up he sees that she dropped the checkbook and the baby's crib and that's where it was and he was mad what are you doing you put the be the checkbook in the baby's crib that's where it is okay in the bungalow you know everything is tech but you made such a big deal you needed the checkbook yeah that builds the pay but he figured if he says anything to her she's gonna say soup don't worry I'll take care of it Saturday nights no big deal he goes home Sunday he didn't say a word he control himself because he knew that he would just break up the Shabbos you know she'll get into an argument or whatever he comes back the next Friday he walks into the bungalow calmly and the checkbook is still in the crib she didn't touch it for a full week he thought he would go through the roof but he figured listen it's Friday afternoon you know it's right before Shabbat if I make a big deal it's gonna ruin the Shabbat you know the kids will be upset and everything and she's gonna say the local Shoob you know I got busy or whatever and you know so fine he goes back Sunday he doesn't say where Tuesday he gets a frantic call that she was rushed to the hospital she was expecting a baby I think was this sixth or seventh child and he runs up to Harris Hospital he was working alone Manhattan took him about two and a half hours to get to the hospital when he comes into the hospital all his friends and relatives they're all in the lobby and he takes a look at them and he sees he knows something is awful and rock monoliths land they tell him that his wife died and childbirth the baby lived but she died and he comes back and he walks into the bungalow calmly and the checkbook is right where it was she still hadn't touched it and he took out the checkbook and he told me that the first check he wrote was for the funeral and the second check he wrote for the her burka disha and then he took a bag and he put the bag in his closet and in the bag he wrote on the outside three words sell o ha shoe it's not so important and he told me that that's the lesson that people have to learn in life before it's too late because most of the arguments in marriage are really petty things that I realize Aloha shelf why didn't you pick up the shirts from the cleaners I asked you to pick up the shirts you were out there anyway why didn't you get the cereal on the way home from shul you know the kids on that cereal they all like cocoa puffs and you didn't get them and most of the arguments are petty but what happens United and untied you know you didn't listen to me so person feels upset and they get angry and then all of a sudden the small arguments becomes a big fire of malaika's we should thank Yaniv we should thank mrs. Kovacs we should thank Rabbi Sokolov we should thank the showroom task force that they brought us here tonight that people are going to be able to understand how to agree to disagree how to make sure that the marriage stays because marriage is what Claudia Searle is all about it's all about families it's all about legacies when moisture Nevada was about to pass away Hashem said to him write the Torah on upon him on stones why another name I once heard Evan you know what Evan stands for poor voice born him and there are dim parents children and grandchildren it only happens in marriage that's when they can be together because Hospital outside the marriage it's so hard to give over the Torah Hashem should bless all of you and bless everyone that's involved in these organizations that we should be able to bring Shalom in our families every home is a big - Murat and if we bring Shalom in our families our shamba as rata Shem will bring Shalom in the world and bring us the ultimate based on me - may it happen in our time thank you for inviting me and thank you for listening