Q&A: Shidduchim Tips For Jewish Singles - Rabbi Dovid Orlofsky

by Anonymous what is the proper amount of to do and do you have any that you can offit the singles in the par I had a child who had y had a clean bill of health what you understand um uh that uh puts you at a serious disadvantage and he had a very long list of what he was looking for in a girl you know uh you know a lot of things know uh I won't go into all the details cuz uh I don't like to give away everything cuz everyone already knows everything about my life and you might know this from someplace else because I have no um inner controls so uh so you may have heard me talk about this before but I'm trying to trying to be a little bit more mature anyway there's a lot of a lot of things that were working against his um uh you know marketability when when it came to shid and uh so it wasn't always easy to find a girl but he would go out and he'd say no she doesn't have this she doesn't have that you know she doesn't this she not that you know whatever it is so finally I said to this child uh look you have to do hisas and the child said to me I am I DAV and I have B that's all you have to do and sure enough uh he found a girl I guess now you know it was a son who met all of the requirements that was on his list and it was a friend of one of my daughters so he didn't even have to go looking for her it was delivered to the [Laughter] house and I looked at this and I was in a SPO because he was not worried at any point about any hisas just DAV and have be talk that's what you have to do and people can get you crazy I had a wonderful young lady who was a former student of mine and she was working as a secretary for partners in Torah basically you know helping to arrange the shid between the people who were going to learn and the people who wanted to learn that's what she was doing and she wasn't uh getting too many dates and she calls me up and says the shim said that boys uh you know serious boys learning don't want a girl who's in care of so should I quit my job now let's be fair she wasn't going out into town handing out flyers she wasn't going to uh you know Cod events she was sitting in an office making arrangements she said should I quit my job I said are you helping to be marit's toah in the world she sayses I said my God doesn't punish people who are doing his rut Zone by telling them that they're not going to get married I don't know whose God the sh pray to but my God will not penalize you for doing the right thing you can't be wrong by being right can't be now you know none of my stories have endings they're all L Fisher stories you know this one actually have an ending six months later she met a very nice boy and got again but uh I had a girl who was a student of mine and now she was getting up in years she was 23 which you know in The Firm Community it's already you know Ring the Alarm Bells this is not a new thing in the gorra uh it says uh you know a father has an obligation to marry off his daughter uh but you know at some point when she becomes an Old Maid she's out of his Rus she has to take care of herself that's 12 and a half so uh you understand being over the hill is not a it's not a New Concept imagine the girl is already 13 and everyone's making the hilling groups but anyway so uh she wasn't finding uh wasn't getting too many dates so she says the sh told me I don't dress right I said you dress very appropriately she goes I know that's what they think is the problem she dress a little tighter a little looser a little like you know uh so I told him but I want a a bentor goes yeah yeah if you want to get a bentor that's what you got to do and she said if the only way I can get married is to compromise Myas I would rather not get married she also got married to a nice guy a flip out actually you know M norx flip out you know so uhem happily married with Children so but the point is that you know what do I do what's the what's the correct you DAV and you have and you know do what you're supposed to do and uh when people tell you you have toh do this schoola and that schoola you know and say nishas 40 times walk in the middle of the street and hop on one foot and cluck like a chicken you know if you have be and uh um and you uh and and you DAV there's uh a sh inas where there's a chair where if you sit in this chair um you know you're going to have a baby when I H have the to go to South Africa and I go to juberg so I stay with the zulberg who are just the finest some of the finest people in the entire world anyway so I come there once and all their kids are big except for this one little boy who's running around and I said oh that's interesting because yes we went toas and I told my husband I'm going to sit in the chair and sure enough I had a [Laughter] baby so D Kaplan who's of course very famous speaker and educator uh he tells the story he says that him and his wife weren't having children and they went toas and his wife said should I sit in the chair and David said don't sit in the chair and then that's you'll have a baby so it's a it's it's the that's what you have to do