Rabbi Daniel Kalish: Bringing Greatness Out of Our Teenagers - Project Inspire Convention 2016

and I'll tell you why Aid who is a rebi by my by my re in my re's Yesa so he was a re in the and he asked the rash he said do you mind if I don't teach second seder first seder is grueling and it'll be just many reasons why it'd be advantageous that somebody else teach a second seder and my rabi who's the rash sha said absolutely not you have to teach second seder and he gave three reasons but one reason is very relevant this morning his reason why he didn't let this rebi get somebody else teach second say there he said that the BAM sit all morning in sheer they have a grueling morning they go till about 1:00 sitting in sheer he said I want the rebi second s that have also sat through Shear till 1:00 if I bring a fresh person in it's unfair he comes in all excited and ready to go and the B have heard she for hours so it's like an unfair match I want you with the buck so the truth is it's a very unfair match it's been it sounds like an unbelievable chabas people are just raving about an amazing chabas but the Matas says everybody here heard one or two speeches already and I'm coming ready to go like all fired up I don't know we the best match right now but let's try this there's a rambam there's a rambam in O the rambam speaks about a trick that AR used to do and AR went around we know was and the ramb says what used to do what he used to do is he would become very close friends with somebody he would develop a relationship and the person would say to themselves if would know my true the person wasn't up to the best things and the person would say to himself if would know my true MIM he would never be friends with me and the person of course would mend his ways but there's a few key words of the rambam I believe the rambam says the person would say to himself let me make's opinion of me let me make words true I have a few questions on this rambam first of all if this was Iron's trick why does the rambam divulge it you can only have students that are a little ignorant if they know the ramam they say rebi I know what you're up to I also read that rambam so why is the rambam say the trick shouldn't it be a secret question two if iron had a smart TMA did the trick not work the guy say iron I know what you're about I figured it out also tricks don't work so what's the of iron and the Really the strongest question is the rambam says that the person says to himself is close to this person and the person says to himself I'm going to make Aon EMS and the question is Aon is not EMS Aon holds of this yid and it's not true the Y's up to no good so what does the person mean that I'm I'm going to make it EMS Aron is a bad judge of character he thinks I'm good he's a I'm not making it true a bad judge but I want to keep the relationship I don't I want so he's Tak wrong but the L of the ram is that the person would say I'm gonna makeon em he is right what's in this rambam what's in's trick there's there's an unbelievable when I saw this I wanted to make a sod it's an incredible you ready had many many reasons what an outstanding shabas I think to hear this mamek already if somebody like me came this morning it's worth it for this there's a who says as follows the says don't give to a he hates you but love you that you have to give to everybody put on to give so what is the saying don't give to he'll hate you you still have to give says the that the following is in the the you have to give mus to everybody the question is how are you giving the mus if you're look at the person is one of a let that you view him as a let you're giving the mus to somebody who who's weak who's troubled that's your view he'll just hate you I'll if your view of the person is a great person give to him that you're talking to an you're talking to somebody of great but real no tricks tricks don't work when would relate to somebody he saw the real he held the because it's true we the we're the children me and you are the children there are no gifts there is no gift you can can give me if I don't have children I want people who have my DNA abu's DNA I want people it's in their bones loyalty to hasem and he DED for you he DED for me he D for him he D for her every morning we sayem chose with great love and I think because of the large numbers we miss the boat sometimes perhaps we say chose CL we say CL it's a lot of people CL Millions CL but in the millions we forget it means the I have an attempt to try when I say to picture one person means me means you means the person next to you hasem loves us we're the B the andem sees something unbel believable about us cl to call us his b his children when he related to a yid was Ed by the yid he was impressed he loved the yid he had a for the yid that was real that was authentic it was no trick at all the person would say but I have things that are inconsistent with what is relating to the person would recognize that words were true I want to make it EMS his words are completely accurate we had a group of B we met together a group of bam five bam and there was one Bak who has struggles so we all the B took turns last week and we each said a Milo of this B but we wo together from all the Milas a completely accurate picture of a great person that he is that he is we wo together together from the compliments the person himself understands it's true it's not fake AR had no tricks tricks don't work and the ramban prince what did to be to teach the people to which is the job of the is the job of the first step is if somebody's to teach them somebody's not we can't teach them the greatest to me from the greatest words in chass these two words all of chass is EMS these two words excite me these two words in chass it changed our history the following two words looks Ates probably many had seen Rish he didn't look so good he was a bandit not in a good place and looks at Rish and he says two words that are no trick these two words changed our history but you can't repeat them we have to live them it can't be done in a minute say I learned the great trick from the gamar it's a work for ourselves to work on seeing and understanding the every and says to Rish he sees Rish and I'm sure many tried all different things from mus to love across the Spectrum everything in between had something else he looks at and he is Ed by his greatness and he says to him you're perfect for the tah your strength for the tah he looks at Reish and he is Ed by him he is Amazed by Rish he's Amazed by his talents by his strength by his capacities and he says to your strength to the T you are perfect for the to wow that Chang's life he's all over it changed our history we got the great because of in the gives that he stood for his whole life is EMS EMS he's all about honesty the T describes yaku's work he the describes y's work in such a loyal manner for L such an Yu says on himself Mas I went through every penny I owned you can't find one penny that's not mine honesty he had a cheat for a boss and nonetheless day and night cold and Heat he's working honesty is what he stands for he sees people that are being dishonest they are cheating in business they are o it's early in the day and before the time's up they're already Gathering the Sheep by the will and yobu sees these people they're cheating they're supposed to be out in the fields grazing the animals doing their job loyally and they're not but we have to understand what they're doing is the he of what who stood for his whole ofs and they Shak and he wants to give them mus but before he gives them mus he says one word now a very shallow person will call it a trick tricks don't work in in there are no tricks there are no shortcuts the every word must be read deeply and understood Yu says to these people who are living the exact opposite of the way he's living and he says a word that if the T says it is EMS it is profoundly true and he says a my brothers we're equals he feels internally a sense of equals yob the greatest of the whose face CL their is on the looks at these Shepherds and he says my brothers an equal stunning startling of course his words afterwards of course they have an impact give to somebody's love you when people give mus they say as that's the way you give M it doesn't pass for you to say it is not the goal to mean it is to look at somebody imagine we would see the god a we would be Ed we would be Ed by the person we'd be amazed and we would say we we try to give Ki that is how we should give mus to a yid Ed by the yid Amazed by the person I had a call into the office to ask him to leave the Yesa and I called him in and we met for three hours by the end of the three hours I was Ed by him I didn't understand him he's been sh shab since of course because I understood him that morning morning that shabas he kept his first shabas in years I begged him I made him promise before he left the office not just he stays the rest of that he comes back the next year it's a Ben today we have to be Ed by people theide all theide of all the has to start the first thing is the is the preciousness of a the ramban in when he's saying the rebi this is the the re a rebi to a talm the ramb says that a rebi has to be have to AAL it's based on the r says that the of a is to be is to hold the tremendous of the talmud in our day when we're thinking there are two attacks on the Jewish people there are two massive attacks on the Jewish people and I want to talk about them because in truth I'm coming we're learning beautiful kazel but I'm not being loyal to the topic we're speaking here about of our children about working with our teens so these are beautiful these for what's what what is it relevant to us there are two massive attacks going on in the world and it looks like we're being attacked from two sides we all know the physical threat that's going on we're saying to in our shs in our schools and our yes were saying to for the mat that there are radical people out there that are aiming to hurt Yen that are aiming to attack people in the western world but we understand that a primary target is the Jewish people and an attack on yiden all over scary we have our children in ER and the threat is everywhere and we walk around scared so that's one threat that we're facing we live in a world mendous BR and unbelievable but we have this threat as well in our lives a reality a second threat that we speak about a lot is the access we live in a generation with access to things we're an exposed Generation all of us you me and all our children we're an exposed generation we see so much we have access to so much and it scares us all the access to things that are forign to and it looks like two different battles two different struggles I'm not convinced it is I was happy I thought what is the response to the murderous people killing human lives in ways that we've never seen before in history what's the response and to myself when I thought about it I think the response is to invigorate human life there are people that don't care about human life the response is the dignity of man the of Anam there are people that have noas for life that have noas for Anam and the fight back is the Dignity of a human being the honor of a human being that I think is the fight back I was excited when I saw burb was speaking in the Mir Yesa after a specific attack and the Mira said to the yes that what is the response to these murderous people of he said the response has to be a massive attack of K there's a maral he comes from many places you've heard many speeches so I'm not going to say all the the places but the maral says that to take away somebody's honor is to kill somebody to honor somebody is to give them life to return the covet of the person the name of our is theide to give life to care about life there are people that have no care for human life and specifically no care for Jewish life does an onslaught of C the attack and the the other attack all the all the all what's what's what's available to us to our children all the access to T is very much the same it takes away human dignity it puts a human being like an animal we have a Nish an elevated Nish a few years back when I started Yesa so I decided I was doing the interview so I had a cap instead of asking the one coming for an interview A question put them on the spot and ask questions what I'm going to do is I'm going to tell them about Rus and let me see how they respond instead of asking and talking let me tell them about Ras and I'll say I learned the trick from a when my sisters were dating my father this poor guy has a big trip from Lakewood to start asking him questions it's unfair so my father instead would tell him and see how he responds was he excited was he happy was he bored that's how he would judge so I figured let me try the same trick I'll tell the B about Rus let me see the response I would describe Rus to the B and he'd be drooling the guy one after another I would say the guy's crazy over Rus describe what it means describe what it means a bunch of people learning together who love each other with unity the guy's drooling like calig he's in then the person would be impossible impossible unmanageable so I was thinking what just happened so the cynical person would say yeah kids are manipulative they know what to say it's not true very few people are actors I am the worst actor ever met in the world they my mother used to judge the plays in campus they would put me in to try to score were points they lost points I couldn't act acting is hard they're very few Tom Cruzes all our sons are not and daughters the ver is that they have a people Crave in yes by me we never speak about wanting we don't talk about pseudo philosophy of wanting to want or want I never met a b who doesn't want unbelievably they crave all of us crave R every one of our children it's not a discussion they don't have to want to want want to want to want to want they crave it they crave R that's P like that we all have a sh that's like his first per describes and craves all of us that's P that's a starting point we have a that craves R the answer to all the exposure is to work on the Dignity of man man is precious a human being a is unbelievable a is precious that's a mish a is precious don't put down it's aish it's against the Mish a is precious we put down a sometimes we're trying to find where he is lift up a is unbelievable the way we treat that's how you're supposed to treat a simple y a God that's for a different conversation simple y Is Awesome on him we say chose him on him we say who said there is no gift in the world if you don't give me him don't have in mind CLA thr it's too many it doesn't speak about any one this person for this person hasem wanted so what does this what does this say last night I was on the phone for two hours in a crisis situation a crisis family with a teenager so what do I tell them about this is not a crisis management and what does this have to do with my teenager who's sheering his sibling who's making all different trouble I'm going to say a simple fact if anybody would disagree with this fact I'd be fascinated 50% of our kids are the bottom 50% in school hard to argue with that one don't judge the kivas of our children yeshivas are wonderful their great places our aim are amazing each of our children are precious are awesomely precious the should not be defined by school it has nothing to do with school school's important we have to work out to get our kids through school and they have to thrive in school for sure that does not define theas of our children I ask you a question I ask everybody to think for a minute let's talk about two children the Val dictorian think of any of your children children or your own eighth grade and let's visualize the Val Victorian in the eth grade and the worst kid in the class the kid who just know high school once and I ask you the following question I ask you the following question about these two children the Val dictorian I have two pictures we told the Val dictorian the worst kid in the class the class bum and I ask you is the difference between the two the Val victorians at sadic who overcame aad means to overcome that's allad means if it's natural there's noed the goal in life is to overcome a means he overcame says going to cry remembering the pain the difficulty got it was to get there that means the definition of aad he's not aad if he didn't overcome y's called it sad because y had bad tiis like the gar says he had very bad tiis so I ask you our eighth grade valorian and the Class Clown the hardest kid is the difference that the the the sadic the valorian worked on himself and he overcame so much he was K and the class clowns of Russ he decided intellectually he's a mid is that the difference or that sadic happens to be a School type kid unfortunately he's nerd likee he happens to be a kid who doesn't have such personality what it maybe has personality he's very motivated by you know by looking good but he's motivated certain motivations fine don't make fun of the valoran and the class clown is not such a school gay what defines the difference more so I ask you a question I assume you if I think I I I think that the second the letter so I ask you a question let's do research the valorian ends up in our finest sikim and the class clown doesn't usually so what happened we were wrong maybe we were wrong maybe sad one is right but the answer is that we don't give we Rob and we strip the from this person he's a little he likes exploring people like exploring he's curious he's not the most School guy he might be more Curious than most we heard by the way not just the CL clan we hurt the Val dictorian by robbing and stripping every year deserves un believe and we have as the parents we as the Educators the ramb says we have to be very important ra we have to be real real will tell a 15-year-old child the child asks R for something the M says I give you have your parents text me that's a tremendous you just told the child you're a liar tell the child to ask his parent and then trust him show trust in our children believe in them be real a human being is amazing too easily we stri you lost my trust don't take away your trust okay even once twice 10 times don't take away you trust he's a child trust give your trust liberally they deserve the trust going on him believe in our children insert tremendous it's not a crisis management it doesn't resolve and certainly we need other techniques but of a person is a must Manu it can't be taken for granted like perhaps it could be an earlier D the two major forces that are fighting us the extremists that don't believe in human life and the access to things both strip away at the of a person the dignity the glory this preciousness of a yid a has