Leadership Series 2022 Session #8

it is to just just to um just to just to recap a little bit would take a few minutes just because it's so important what we said last night as a as a prerequisite for prayer but what we basically said it in order to really pray properly and to get your prayers answered and to get and to grow through prayer the first thing you have to do is realize what's your relationship with a chef you know and that's what it's all about that's what prayer is all about you know and we said that that really we use the idea that we said that you know everybody knows there's no atheist in the Foxhole and we set an amazing Insight from that that even an atheist who's ignored God all his life understands that in times of trouble he can turn to God and it's an amazing thing because what that's saying is that even an atheist understands that hashem's love for us is totally unconditional even if I ignore him my whole life and I don't listen to him and I don't know what he wants you know what when I'm in trouble I can turn back to Hashem and I can say help me so the point of that story was for us is that on some level we often feel that you know how can we turn to Hashem I I haven't done what he wants and I'm not doing what he wants so why is he why would he listen to me we have to get rid of that notion right the reality is that hashem's love for us is totally unconditional and therefore if we've blown it it doesn't matter because we're his children right and we said that you know and we said that more than that that Hashem takes our call every time that you don't have no red tape and it's like you know who's who's cool will the president always take his family his children his wife and the fact that the almighty takes our call anytime is means that Hashem cares about us he's going to change the whole world and the whole universe for us by just out verbalizing putting out into the atmosphere what it is that we want the almighty will respond because he loves us with his children and that means that his children his love for us is unconditional and not just unconditional but incident there's nothing that the almighty can't do for us right because it's an infinite being and therefore right and therefore let's get a different view here sorry um and therefore we you know we we should realize that that if you had a like we said last time if you have a friend who's loves you and he's a genius and he has he's a multi-billionaire you wouldn't leave it alone don't leave the almighty alone he's he's there he loves us he's got the all the resources and and and his love is unconditional so so that's what we said and we also said that we you know part of our issue is that we don't integrate it that we that we don't feel his love so we have to learn how to be happy and appreciate that every moment in existence is ex is incredible and and that we're walking multi-billionaires even if we don't have a penny to our name because we have hands and eyes and feet and we can walk or we woke up this morning and we have so much we you know things go wrong and as I said last time it doesn't matter it might be hard but it doesn't take it shouldn't take away from the fact that we are we we have so many incredible gifts worth more than us than any money we should be doing a jig down the street so we forget that and then when things go wrong we just think ah the sin doesn't love me but he does he because if you because it's so much that he's given us we need to be able to to work on that and integrate that and that will give us a happy life and also appreciate how much Hashem loves us okay we're going to go on now to the five steps one of the five steps to get your prayers on so now we started it last week and we said we said we touched on it that the first step is to expect the goods now a lot of people don't appreciate this and it's really something that Rabbi Weinberg brings out very powerfully but he says it like this that you see if you um asked your your parents right or if your children ask you for a dime right you're gonna give them a dime it's just a dime you've been dying they give you a dime what do you think I don't care about you it's like you're too much for me you know so we have to appreciate that to the Almighty anything you ask for him from him is a dime right because the almighty has everything right he has plenty plenty resources so whatever you're asking for yeah it's like nothing right so if it's good for you you should you know you should expect it right now we'll get into if it's good for you we'll get into that in the course of the different levels but the first thing is that that you know usually when you're asking for something that's because you feel you need it and you feel it's going to be good for you so you're you should you should expect the goods it's the number one step is to expect the goods now the second part which is number two is that if he doesn't give it to you right you should be surprised yeah you should be shocked how can you not give it to me just like if you ask your father or your parents for a dime and they don't give it to you you should be like why not you know it's like you know of course you should get a good thing you're not gonna give it doesn't make any cost you well but yeah that's ridiculous if now you understand if you're not shocked by it it means that you weren't really expecting it so these are two sides of the two different sides at the same coin that you should expect it if you really are expecting it then you should be extract if you don't get it because why wouldn't he give it to me right so but it but if you don't expect it then you won't be shocked and Hashem this is the the very important point Hashem will give it to you I mean if you like sashem will look down on you and say listen you don't really think I really care about you you don't think I'm going to give you the good so if you don't think I'm going to give you the good I won't give it to you because I don't want to disturb your little bubble you created your own bubble of negativity that's what you chose you chose to look at the world as if nothing no I don't deserve anything coming good coming to me so so if you choose that's an attitude that you're choosing if you choose to look at the world that way and therefore what you're basically saying and shame it doesn't really care about me so much he doesn't really want to give me that good so he said okay you want to live that way I'll let you live in a reality that that is the reality because you created it with your choice of your attitude you understand it's not going to burst your bubble it's a choice so we have to understand that that if you don't expect the good Hashem will give it to you because okay you don't think I'm going to give it to you so what do you understand it is so so those are the first two steps is first of all you have to expect the good the second thing is you know that is is if you don't you should be shocked so let's give an example of what what this looks like so you know if you're driving in Manhattan right and you're driving down the West Side Highway as which I've done many times and you know you've got to get someone where quick so you know you and you know there's a lot of traffic lights to get from the upper west side down to wherever is the Lower East Side wherever it is I don't know wherever you're going um is that that's not the website okay wherever it is the the drive what do you call it okay so you're driving so you get a green light great another green light fantastic a third green light amazing four four three night Fantastic Fifth green like you're saying this is too good to be true you know what happens you get a red light right why because if you if you feel it's too good to be true right then you're basically saying to a chef right I don't really deserve this you can't do this for me right you're not expecting the good now I'm not saying that therefore every time you expect the good it's necessarily gonna happen we know that that's not true but if you don't expect a good right then it it's the you know then Hashem has no reason to give it to you I don't know if you try it out for yourself I've done this many times yeah where I'm saying or I say to Hashem I'm driving down it's green it's really good Sam you can do everything I'm expecting the good it's gonna be great try it out you know I'm not telling you that necessarily everything but I've I've seemed to find that when you do do that there's it you see that often it does go and green and green and green but what the the point is that it's another example you know okay you get to where you want to get to and then finally you've got you've got to get into a parking spot for an important uh meeting and you have to be there on time and you don't know what to do it's going to take you half an hour you know but yeah you expect so you know you you get to this parking spot and as you get to the place looking right in front of the door of the place that you're supposed to be you go as you pass it a car pulls out to let you in you say this is too good to be true guess what he pulls right back in right you understand a chef will make it he pulls right back in because you didn't think it was really you're worthy of it happening you didn't expect the good so you have to understand these are cute uh analogies right but they are deepened energies they're simple but this is how life if you are walking around thinking it's he's not going to give he's not going to give it's only words right so you have to understand you gotta hold your head up high and and realize that you are the son of an infinite being like and he can give you everything he wants to so why shouldn't he so expect him he's going to start the the relationship with I expect it to be good right right expect you're right and if not I'm shocked I'm going to be shocked you know if it doesn't happen so those are the first two steps now that second step let me just get to my notes and make sure I promising anything out here um yeah okay um yeah so the the next point which goes into which is a follow-up which is number three is really so what do you do when it didn't happen right he didn't give you so what you have to do is really it begs the question which would be the same with your parent why wouldn't you give it to me so we understand that the almighty has a reason for everything that he does so the next thing you have to do is ask why right why is it that this he you didn't give me what I thought was good for me ask why right so so now there's two levels right of Y the first is is when it's it's you're asking for something and it doesn't happen um it just you know it's something which is sort of irritating let's say you get you get the red light you didn't get the green you get a red light right so why do you get the red light so often the thing Hashem will hold things back from us because he wants to get our attention that's the first level is that maybe Hashem is just wants to get my attention because I'm not really being aware of him or I'm not feeling really real with him and his goodness so it gets an attention our attention so to give an analogy to this this is a story the rabbi Weinberg tells I actually saw it in Dale Carnegie afterwards it's a story straight out of Dale Carnegie um but really Weinberg use it in a beautiful profound way to share to understand this point and the story is like this that there's an uncle it's called Uncle Ben and he has a nephew John and John is going to University in a far-off town so Uncle then says to John John you know when you're on you know when you're there please please please write to me no once a month write to me just let me know I'd love to hear how you do it so a month goes by no letter two months go by no later hey so I get so he writes Uncle Ben writes dear uncle there dear John you know I was just thinking of you trying to remind you you know I had asked you to forgive me you know you could write to me just let me know how you're doing please write to me and let me know how you do it right he sends the letter off there's no response yeah he doesn't get a he doesn't get a a letter back he does it again right sends another letter and guess what no response he doesn't get a letter back like so then he comes up with an idea he writes in there he says Dear John I was thinking about you I hope you're doing well it's really been a while since I saw you and I'm sure you had a birthday since I saw it I want to give you a little check here for twenty dollars right so and then he closes the letter and guess what he doesn't put the twenty dollars in he sends the letter off to his to his nephew lo and behold a week later he just like a letter say hi Uncle Bob I hope you're well thank you so much everything's going well in University and you know again telling his news and it signed John P S I think that you may have forgotten to put the other twenty dollars that you said you give me the letter do you mind just sending it as well right so he gets a response so what did Uncle John Uncle Bob do was he held back the good that John would have wanted why so that he would get his attention right because by doing that it made John relate back to his uncle because and that's what Bob wants Uncle Bob wants most he wants a relationship so the first level of why something you know why didn't I get what I want right I it's because sometimes Hashem is just saying to us I'm holding something back from you because you've forgotten about me hello you've forgotten that I'm in your life I want you to be aware of me so you know you know you put you lose it you lose your pen you lose this you know these are small things now I'm not saying there's always this reason but often Hashem is just trying to wake us up you're gonna take the wrong the wrong uh coins out of your pocket or yours just a little irritating thing can sometimes be Hashem is just trying to get our attention because we forgot that there's an infinite being that loves us with an infant love and we've just forgot about him so so just hello he's he's just holding something back so we go back and say Hashem by the way you know can't you help me with this like so that's the first level but uh but but sometimes things are a little bit deeper than that a little bit more um harder than that so the person you know let's say you know in live you know it's a real problem you've got a real problem and you and and it's like and you're having a hard time like you know why did I have this problem right so in that case Hashem is really it's it's a there's a deeper reason that Hashem may be giving this to you and that requires us to ask the question what is it that Hashem is really teaching me what does Hashem wants me to learn why why is this happening in my life so the so what you need what Hashem wants us to do is to think about that and to come up with some kind of an answer now I want to spend a little bit of time on this because often in life we don't like to think about oh something that I don't want to happen or something hatefulness happens if it wasn't happening in my life right and I'm going to think about what's Hashem teaching me what am I doing wrong so let's just bring this out a little bit more because that's exactly what the Gomorrah says the talmud says that if a person um has has difficulties in their life what should you do it says you should look into your actions to see if you're doing something wrong right now a lot of people don't feel comfortable with this right why because it kind of like makes me feel like I'm bad what are you trying to say you're trying to say that I'm a bad this and and this is where people get stuck and I'm bringing it out because to the surface because I sometimes it's Underneath It All we're feeling this way but we don't actually want to we don't actually we're not consciously aware of it but often what's happening is is that when we when something is different difficult if I don't really want to feel like asking the question what is it that I should learn from that what am I doing wrong because again I because it makes me feel like I'm bad because if you're trying to tell me I'm doing something wrong and I'm bad that's that's why this difficult thing is happening to me in my life so we have to dispel that notion because it in Judaism that's called guilt you'll feel guilty because if someone's telling you did something bad so you we interpret it to mean that means I'm bad that's not Judaism remember we don't believe in guilt right we've said this before in one of the previous sessions that guilt is not a Jewish emotion even though we have a lot of good Jewish Mothers who can give a lot of guilt to their children it's not Jewish what skills guilt is the feeling that I did something wrong or even something happened to me sometimes people who are abusive relationships they sometimes thought I'm bad because this is happening to me something I did something wrong or something's happening to me it means that I am bad if a person feels that they're bad it's very debilitating right it's it's it's a very unhealthy feeling and it's and it's depressing and it's it's not Judaism it's it's what's Judaism Judaism is if you did something wrong right it's a mistake right it's not we know the word sin carries with a lot of guilt we when you do a person did something wrong in their life and up until now it means you made a mistake like a hit means a mistake right you made a mistake it doesn't mean that you're bad you're good the mistake was bad you made a mistake you did something wrong I'm good what should you do you should regret the mistake right not yourself regret is the appropriate emotion when you regret something it motivates you you can cry you made a mistake you did something wrong you can regret it and you can cry about it I'm not trying to take away from the intensity of emotion but but I am a good person and we said this that this is so true in the way we bring up our children that don't say to your children when they did something wrong you're a bad child because you're teaching them to identify if I do something wrong I am bad which makes them feel guilty and is debilitated right rather you should say you're such a good child you're such a right you're such a good person how could you do such a thing right you're so so we need to to understand that for us ourselves that when when difficult things in life happen and it means that like the Gamora says that says look into your actions to see what you did wrong it doesn't mean you're bad it could it means that Hashem is is is trying to get your attention so that you can really grow and do something really good with your life right so or improve I mean right because for example that we know that um most robino wasn't led into Israel why because he hit the rock and he said you know you shouldn't have spoken to them now does that mean he's bad you know no it doesn't it means he's very good right you know so so the fact that he made a mistake he said doesn't mean he's bad and it's just trying to make it into a better and a better person I I just share this the final I remember when I was when I was a a single fella uh studying in Asia Torah I remember we got together with the Russia Rabbi Weinberg for a discussion about you know dating and so forth and a lot of us we've been dating for a while and it was difficult and I remember that Rabbi Weinberg said to us don't worry the process will help you grow that's what it's all about becoming a greater person and Hashem makes often makes people you know not find their their their their their appropriate match immediately because the whole process helps you really grow become a fuller person so there was a one guy in the room who said but but Rabbi you know I I'm already married and I'm the first girl I met I got married to so right well they say yeah that's because you you know wouldn't be able to handle the kind of growth that these guys can do you would you know you went up to it so she gave it to you straight away have you won up to the ground but These Guys these guys are up to it right so he turned it on his head so we have to understand that another point that Judaism says that one of the one of the um ways to grow in learning and in Judaism it says the person should love criticism you should love criticism now can isn't very hard you know who loves criticism but the Torah says you should really love it why so Rabbi Weinberg used to give the following analogy and if someone come up to you and say listen you know you know they they'll they they you I can't you you blanket it they started using foul language you blank and blank blank blank and they're swearing at you but and then they they're getting all upset and they're calling you names and in the middle they say to you if you pulled out of her pocket his pocket and he said here's a check for a million dollars take it right you take it and then he continues you're swearing at you and blanket and then he walks up so what is so so what do you say to this guy you say listen any time you want to give me criticism right here's my card right because he just walked up with a million dollars it was worth it right it was worth it bro it was going to call you a few names but you gotta so Rabbi Weinberg used to ask a question what's more valuable in life right what are we to be rich or to be good would you like to be rich and evil or good and poor right really good you'll be excited yeah you'll be like the half it's kind would you be like you know whoever it is whoever is your role model of a righteous person but pretty poor right or you could be stinking rich and really a bad person I think all of us would understand that so it's better to be good than to be rich right so if we would react that way if someone would slip a million dollar bill into our pocket and we would give me criticism any time how about if someone would give you a little bit of an Insight in how you can be a better person how much is that worth right more than any money that I could be a bad person so that ah so we should react all the more so if someone's coming up to say you blankety black and they give us an Insight how to be a better person we should be sticking in our pocket and say thank you very much is my card anytime you want to give me criticism you come and tell me because you get you just gave me an Insight on how to be a better person which is worth more than any money normally if people don't give us criticism in the right way we get offended our ego gets involved and we say forget it right who do you think you are I'll tell you a few things about you you know you now and that's that's all of us right but really if we understood that we were getting an insight into light how to be a better person and that's really worth more than any money if you're really serious about life if we really real with life we wouldn't care about how the person said it so much say thank you know what thank you so much lots of insight I I'm gonna think about it see it and and give it some thought and I can't thank you enough so we have to understand that's the same with Hashem if Hashem is trying to get our attention because and and because either because he didn't give us something that we wanted or because something isn't going right and we're and we're not in our life and we're not you know we don't know why we have to give it some serious thought of what what is the almighty trying to teach you how is he trying to help me grow what is it that I can learn about life right that's it and and and you see if a person is really serious you would be grateful you know a person who wants to win Olympic gold medal right you know you know what he does what she does right she hires a coach to tell her everything that she's doing wrong right because I only if I want to really become again I need to know what mistakes I'm making so that I can change that like you know you'll pay good money for that right because you want to know how to be have we even really serious about being sadikim righteous people good people that were going to really use our potential in life and so forth we would be like we would hide hire a coach tell us tell me what I'm doing well please we'd be open to hearing from the almighty what it is that we're doing wrong so so we have to really um appreciate that all I'm saying from the start right is that is that we we feel that often will resil we're resistant to really going through this third step the third step is asking why what is it why is this happening why is it I'm not getting what I want why and and and the first step is to ask in that is to ask what is am I doing anything wrong right is there a message that the almighty is trying to get to me now the interesting thing is that just finish off the Demarcus I want to go through this step very important that the Camaro says if a person if difficulties are happening in your life you should look into your actions right but then it goes on to say and if you don't see anything that you're doing wrong then you should should make you should look at it as maybe you're not doing enough right right then you're not doing enough right right maybe oh the second one is really that you're not learning not learning enough not rubbing enough but this but but but but then it says and if that's not the case then you should understand they call it it's it's pain and difficulties that is coming out of a sense of love from Hashem to you so what does that mean so I want to say I want to understand this that really you see what do you mean you know if there was nothing that you did wrong everybody's done something wrong what it means is when difficult times happen in your life you need to ask that question why is this happening to you right and it has to be an appropriate answer meaning and that's why you need friends and it's good to have rabbis that you can discuss this with because it's it's not an easy you know we we don't have profits anymore it used to be you go to a profit and they would tell you this is why this is happening to you we don't have that anymore what we have now is we have our our Consciousness our intuition um and we have a relationship with Hashem and we have friends and rabbis who give us guidance and we have to start thinking about why is this what what is it why does this happen right so um so it may be that you know you'll come to a conclusion that I don't think I don't I can't really see that there's anything that I've done wrong that makes sense that Hashem would do this to me or would do this to for this particular mistake that I've made right that's something you have an intuition about it's to you know the mistake I made it does it doesn't warrant such a response it doesn't really make sense so what it's basically saying is sometimes that if you if that's not the case then sometimes it is that Hashem is giving you it gives a person difficult and challenges in life because it by dealing with those challenges you grow as a person and you can strengthen your relationship with God and become a better person so for example Abraham right had 10 tests right those ten tests were very difficult right you know he he he uh you know all the different yeah it was a famine he had to bury his wife he had to try to Consumers sacrifice his son they were lucky he didn't have children they're difficult there were a lot of the tests that he had which were very difficult now it wasn't necessary because he had done anything wrong but you see that by dealing with each of these situations it it develops muscles which he wouldn't spiritual muscles that he wouldn't have had otherwise so therefore yeah and that by going through these 10 tests through 10 difficult times he became the progenitor of the Jewish people and I think it's true in general to say that you know people that I know in my life who became great people it's often because they went through very challenging times and they came out on top right they came out you know I I I I I always think to be honest I think about this sometimes with my my own mother may she uh rest in peace was it was incredible lady but she had a difficult life she had Polio as a child my father wasn't well for a long time then she had me of course which was really the you know most difficult but but she seriously speaking she had a lot of but you know you know she became a doctor she was everybody's best friend she was she she was able to rise through the challenges and because of that many people told me when she passed away she was the greatest person that I Knew by far right but the reason was because she went through such she went through such challenges in life and difficulties that she came out on top now I believe that because sometimes those challenges are there just to help us grow and to be better people and so forth so let's go back to this point the third step is of of [Music] um of of um how to get your prayers answers is to ask what is it that Hashem is trying to teach me and that ink will include what is it I need to grow is there something I need to be true before is there something I need to change into something I've done and and go through that process and become a great Hashem wants you to become a great person but it's a difficult process it's the hardest process a because of what I said before we've actually tend to feel guilty and we don't want to do it recording in progress and secondly and secondly um because we uh it's hard work it's very hard work to be that honest and to really think about it and to really put in the effort to do what we call a spiritual accounting and try to work on yourself and so and so forth but that's as I said before it says make yourself a rabbi right or and and acquire a friend you need friends you need rabbinic uh spiritual advice and so forth so you can deal with what you think it is but if there's if you can't work it out what it is and they say okay the almighty loves the prayers of righteous people he wants me to grow through dealing with this and I'm gonna really grow right so this is the third thing there's a story that Rabbi Weinberg used to tell of a guy and that also I think I told him the story last time a guy came to his office a different guy came to his office and he came and he was in the his office and um and he uh he says you know Rabbi me and God we're just like this right I don't need a issue but being God we're we're we're you know we're we're Buddies he says how come what do you mean your body said because he said God does miracles for me he said tell him can he might tell anyone of your Miracles so this interesting story he tells the story another story of a guy who's on a who was on a cliff and the wind came and he fell 100 meters and he landed between two rocks and he was unscathed not a scratch so you said it was a miracle it was a total Miracle you see Hashem does miracles for me I don't need to achieve I don't need to come and learn about you I'm close with God already so Rabbi Weinberg said let me ask you a question Hashem saved you right he says yes he says but who was it who pushed you off the cliff right it's not that Hashem is like a Superman that you know you're in trouble he comes down and he swoops it and he saves the day no it's Hashem pushed you off the off the cliff and Hashem saved you now why is it that he pushed you off the cliff in order to save you because he wanted to get your attention now what do you think he wanted to get your attention maybe he wanted you to come and learn about Judaism right so this was the conversation but Hashem is not a Superman that he just is that to save us there's something way he's trying to get our attention he's trying to so he's at the first level is that he's just trying to get us aware of him little irritations little difficulties discomforts things didn't quite go the way we wanted okay maybe that's just it's not a sign of something more deep that we need to change and just become more aware in your life of Hashem and Hashem love for you number two is no this is sometimes there's a specific thing for you and Hashem wants you to work on and to grow and that's what you need to think about so that's number that's number three ask why right when things aren't going your way oh you're not getting what you want ask why is it and that includes understanding if there's maybe something that I'm doing wrong that I need to change and to work on we shouldn't be feel guilty about that you know if people are as I said in my example so it's only sometimes Hashem chooses the most special people to give them difficult time because he knows that they can handle it right and they'll really become great right right now we only Hashem knows what your particular purpose is in this world and what you're in this world to do and what you need to experience to grip for your soul to bring out what it's in this world to do only Hashem knows that so that's something that's between you and Hashem that's number it's a third level let's go to the fourth level the fourth level of Prayer is when you ask for something you need to ask why why do I want it right because if you don't know why it might be that actually this thing might not be good for you we all understand that you know that that a seven-year-old child that asks is is is further his wealthy father for a million dollars is you know don't you know let's not uh it's not a good idea to give him the million dollars because it's going to be bad for him right the joke about the guy who was the president of the shul and he goes to the rabbit he says Rabbi you know I've decided that's it I'm done so Rabbi said what do you mean you're the president of school for 20 years you're the pillar of the community so he says I I you know I prayed you know and Hashem has not been answering my prayers I can't take it anymore so he says well tell me what were you praying for he says for the last 20 years I've been praying for a Mercedes-Benz and he and Hashem didn't give it to me and so Hashem is not answering my prayers so the Rabbi says yeah he did answer your prayers I said no sometimes when we're asking for things we have to know why do I want it what is it that I'm um trying to get from this thing by asking why there's two things or at least three two or three things that will happen number one is you'll see is this really good for me I want it because you know everybody else has this you know this is something that it's comfortable for me to have it or or is it something that will really be good for me and to help me grow you know and it was really what I wanted like or B and B let's say you decided it's obvious that this is a good thing but by asking why it deepens your connection to that thing meaning when you ask for something there's asking and asking you know I can ask something Hashem you know please help me you know give me uh you know give me a lot of money or help me help me be healthy or help but when you ask why when asking why connects you to that thing in a much deeper way the more you want it the more general or is likely to give if you just go through prayer please please help me with this I'll give you this and you're like how much do you want if you want it with all your beer you know then Hashem is going to give it to you much more and not only that but when he gives it to you you'll appreciate it remember the story from last week for those that were you here were here that we had the story of The Atheist who prayed at the war and he said God if you're really there get you know give me an introduction and then a few minutes later you get to tap on the back from someone saying hi how'd you like to go to Yeshiva so he was ready to respond to that right because he just prayed for it had he not prayed for it and wanted it so badly he would have you know it would have been like you know Sam would have if his son would have given it he would say no I don't want to go to a receiver but he really wanted it but because he really wanted it so Hashem gave it to him and he took it so we have to be real not only with that relationship with hashan but with the things that we want we should one understand why is it that we want them and want and use our free will to want them in a deeper and a more profound way so that's number four ask why to the things that you want and that's and to be honest that's what the the Shimona s-ray we have needed the standing prayer that we say three times a day has 19 prayers in it and those and and that's the rabbi is teaching us actually one of the things that we should want in life here they are these are the things that you should want so that's why it's such a powerful thing to pray for to go through because it's telling us so to speak from God's perspective these are the things you should want to understand the first prayer understanding first request understanding and understanding what is it you want to understand be specific about what you want to understand don't be general what does it you understand you want to understand what kind of understanding I I will I don't know well maybe think about that Hashem wants you to to think I but what is it but these 13 different uh or these different prayers the rabbis are teaching us this is what we should want so that's number um that's number four what's number five number five is it's not enough to want something right it's not enough to pray for something but you know what you have to do you have to do something about it as well but imagine I decided I want to be a millionaire would you I do I pray how did you just how did you become how do you decide what actions are you doing I'm gonna pray how how seriously would you take a person that said you know I've decided I'm going to become a millionaire you know how I'm going to pray to God you say you know what that's very good but it's you're not going to permanent there you know you have to do something about it so if the guy says to you okay I'm going to do something about it I'm going to sweep the streets they say no you know what okay you're doing something it's got to be the right thing the right action is proportional to what you want right because it we are a body and a soul so that when you pray it's so to speak you're getting yourself in touch with your soul in terms of what you really want but we have to get our body into it and the way to get your body is by action by doing something so it's not enough to sweep the street it's not enough to be a person who's got an office job 14 hours a day you're going to decide what is the right action that could really help you become a millionaire so then when you're praying and you're doing the same the action at the same time they say oh now this guy or this lady is serious right so the same thing there's an analogy that the coffitz try and gives that the of of a person that was a that's a a a a a a wealthy person and he seized a a a a a a a poor person in the town and the poor father said please help me help me I need money and so he goes over to the poor person says listen come to my office tomorrow two o'clock and I'll you know I'll get I'll write a check for you you know two o'clock comes and goes guy doesn't turn up okay maybe something happened this that's the next night you see the same person in the same place please help me help me help me I need money I need money you know but I always do different troubles she said listen I know what happened yesterday but come come to my office tomorrow at two o'clock and I'll give you you know I'll give you some I'll give you a check yeah two o'clock comes and goes yeah it doesn't turn that same the next night and she's the same person so he comes the third time he says yeah listen I don't know what happened but she just come to me tomorrow I'll write you a check to account two o'clock comes away the next night he sees the same person please help me help me help me so what's the what's the um the analogy so so we we pray in the standing prayer the amida three times a day and we start we say you know please asham give me understanding right so chantez says okay you know what come and meet me you know uh come on come to the to the to the base measures come and learn some Torah come along I have that hotel I'm I'm offering it to you come and learn I did and and the next one is and we don't do that the next Monet Simona S for a standing prayer we said please God give me understanding God says to us listen I was waiting for you I had the Torah it was available it's right here for you come come and get it I'll give it to you so we say so fine but okay so we pray come and we'll we come to to tomorrow when we to the evening prayer and we pray again and God says I don't know where you were I was there the whole day meaning unless you do something about it Hashem is waiting for us he's waiting us to choose to do something we if we if we want understanding in life it's not just enough to pray for it you have to think what is it that I can understand is it in the Torah is it somewhere I've got to do some kind of an action that will so Hashem that I really want it I've got to do something and make it with my body and do something because if I don't do something then why will Hashem take us seriously so those are the these are really the five steps the first step and just to review is that you got to expect the good because if you really appreciate that your Mighty Is Our Father in Heaven he loves us from the infinite love so you have to understand that he just wants to give us the good news right that's number one so expect it and if you don't expect it they'll let you live in your little bubble of not expecting the good and not thinking that he's so great I'll let you live in your gloomy uh choice of expecting that you don't deserve anything and he won't give it to you because he'll let you live in you he won't burst your bubble right the second thing we said is be be shot wow can't believe can't believe dime your mighty's not giving me how could it be doesn't make sense right you've got to feel that if you don't feel that it means that you weren't expecting it and he didn't really think Hashem was going to give it to you the third thing we said was was um I'll ask what is it Ash when you don't get what you want or things are difficult what is it that Hashem is trying to teach me look into your actions do a little spiritual accounting don't feel guilty about it it just means that Hashem is going to train you and we should love criticism we should because that's how we grow up he's giving his community the greatest coach in the world and he's coaching you how you can be a better person and only because he really thinks that you are a good person that you could really have develop your potential in such a profound way that he's giving you a little bit of a a wake-up call right so that you can grow in the ways that you need you need to think about those things and we said you know look into your actions and see if you did anything wrong it might be that you there really isn't anything it could be that it's not that you're doing something it could be that just like you said with Abraham that sometimes it is that you know that Hashem gives us difficult time so that we can grow through it so that it we Flex our spiritual muscles in a way that we wouldn't if we were just sitting comfortably the whole day just sleeping the whole day it makes us grow and into great people and that's what I said the greatest people that I know are people that have gone through difficult times and come out went through the Holocaust and came out as people who are positive you ever meet those people they went through the Holocaust and the most positive people you know it's drunk it's like wow right that's that's greatness right so so that's the third thing is is ask why okay the fourth thing is is excuse me third thing is ask what is Hashem is teaching me the fourth thing is when you're praying for something ask why do I want it and either see it's something that's good for you or maybe it's not good for you maybe it shouldn't be so awesome but or if it is good for you it'll deepen your connection to it we need to ask why so that we're asking for the things that are really important in life what is it that you really want out of life yeah why am I asking for this is really what I should be asked or would I run out of life anyway what is it I'm trying to do in my life ask for the things that you really are really important in life and we said that the Sloan s-ray the silent prayer gives us a guidance into the things that we should want and therefore it's very worth studying and learning and utilizing the the ability to the side of Quran that the rabbis put together because it has all the wisdom of what we we should want as individuals in our lives um and the last thing we said was it's not enough to pray right because if you really want something in life you've got to do something it's not enough to pray it's good to pray that the Jewish people come back right to God that's very nice that's very good and we shouldn't and if we don't we'll make a mistake but if we're not doing something about it it means you don't really care right you know if and Hashem won't respond because if you're not doing something wow Hashem shut up you look at it so if every time you want something whatever it is that you want you've got to un re you gotta make clear be clear why I want it and really want it and then ask the question what is it that I need to do in order to get it what is it the appropriate effort that I need to do and it might be a great effort I need to be putting more effort if I wanted to come again not the analogy you gave I want to become a millionaire I got to put a lot of effort into something that happened by just praying and hoping and doing a few bits and pieces you've got to put it on the right effort in and that's true for all of the things in life and the things that we want we have to put in the appropriate effort to get uh the results that we're looking so this this process is really uh in my opinion and really a profound way of dealing with life and the things that we want and the relationship with a show it's really a lesson in how to have a relationship with Hashem more than just you know um how to pray because this is really the relationship and where Hashem is teaching us and helping us grow and helping us get closer and helping us choose helping us use our potential through that interaction of prayer asking growing thinking relating what's the next step what do I need to do now and so forth um so please God that's what's Hashem Hashem should answer all your your prayers and Hashem that you should get the prayers that you want for good that for good they should be good for you and you should all have a hatimatoma should be written and signed in The Book of Life and essentially bless you with with uh blessing and and happiness and success and not us from your families if you have any questions amen amen thank you I do have a question I'm not surprised well yes uh I'm a good student I was taking notes actually yes that's why I'm asking I'm asking for questions uh so the question is it's uh the five is five steps it's wonderful it's nice I'm gonna explain it to my child who says like why how come is it that I was praying so much for something and it didn't happen you know I just wanted it so so much so now I know how to explain it but it's kind of it goes more to the physical things but what about and and I'm sorry I forgot because I got a lot of requests for today we were praying for people to get healthy and for someone who was very sick someone's mother was very sick in the hospital with all of those things and um we wanted to dedicate the session to her what happens when someone is very very sick what happens when you're praying for someone who is very very sick and God forbids that someone is a child how do you explain that when your prayers are not answered and I know it's a very difficult question I know it goes above and beyond and you know why bad things happen to good people but it's very very difficult to explain why you wanted it so much and everyone was praying and something didn't happen so I'm gonna let you right right so I mean you know it's you have to go through the same five steps with every single thing right so it's a different thing for you to ask the question because it's not I say you're praying for someone else it's a different question than the person themselves you know they're sick why is it happening to me right it's a different question so your question is you know yes we know there's sick people in the world right so you're you've got to ask okay for yourself what does it mean to me right that I'm praying why am I praying why does this and put me in a situation where I need to pray you know so Hashem wants me to have more compassion you're saying someone wants me to to feel another person he wants me to pray hardly so there's something that Hashem you're getting out of this right so you need to ask that question what is it that Hashem from my perspective for me why is Hashem putting this in my life right so the I have to experience it in my life what am I what am I supposed to be growing from what's the lesson within me and we need to take that that we don't people don't think about that so much you pray for another person who's sick because they're sick if you just pray what I'm into Rabbi Weinberg was introducing here was that there's at least another stat right which is you should think what is it why is this in your life and what's the lesson that you have what how can we grow from this that's part of how you should be responding and if you respond in that way it can make a difference to whether your prayers will be answered or not right so you see if you say that okay so Hashem wants me to be more compassionate to them or okay good so then I got to like hey I would really care how can I be and welcome back from caring first what can I do okay let me try to do that it's a different question then what about that person you know um you know why is this person here for them they need to ask that question too right why is this happening to me right and that's a very personal question that each person needs to know you know is it you know is it true but is it to things which again people often feel I I well you're trying to say that that yeah don't do don't go there they could be as I said who didn't have all kinds of you know the best the greatest people had difficult times and and maybe they were mistakes but even if they weren't mistakes maybe the answer is not a mistake like we said motor ends up saying that no maybe it wasn't because of a mistake maybe because you um because Hashem just wants you to grow and use your potential and I think that's often the case with people who are very sick I know you know uh uh a a student of mine or who's a rabbits in Los Angeles at the moment very sick you know and a lot of people dabbing for her but she's because you see that you know wow what she's becoming the greatness and the that she's growing through what she's you know what she's going through is uh it's amazing you know you see people you know I have one of my closest uh friends you know he goes married to a wonderful lady um but she died when she was 30 from cancer okay but she but before she died Elana rosenblad she was like her she was like an angel I I hardly ever met a person who has become so special and such as she was on such a level I remember the last time I saw her I felt like when I went into the room it was like you felt like she was a different type of a being but she became like a spiritual because she because she grew so much through the difficulty now what exactly you know maybe is that what Hashem wants from her I don't know you know you know sometimes people achieve more you know in their lives a short life but they can achieve but much more than people who live long lives how long I don't know so each person has to answer this question for themselves and deal with it and that's what I said if you if you try if you if you do get the lesson and you grow it makes a difference sometimes Hashem can take away your story there are miraculous things that and you know where people are like I don't know how why how that's that's even even you know even in the process people have miraculous stories of like you know you shouldn't really be alive anymore it's amazing I don't know what's going on right now but because of people's prayers and because of their growth and because of what they're doing and how they're trying to sanctify God's a name and do the right thing that can that can change everything so but you have to go through the process and there's no there's no you know we're not gone we don't know about the answers we just got to try and and and and work out as much as we can and again as I said before that's why to really get to the the answer you know you need to think yourself and you need to think to discuss it with friends who you trust who know you and and and repair rabbis or rabbits who have a wisdom you know does this you know what am I supposed to be getting out of this and so forth now sometimes by doing that and by praying it'll go away and sometimes it does yeah and sometimes it doesn't you know ultimately the almighty is in charge but it this is the process to get your prayers answered by doing this this these steps is the process for getting your presence so I don't know if I'm set you know giving you the answer that you're looking for but that's that's um some some thoughts about it wait what if you do all the steps and then you do it and you do it and it's still not answered it doesn't mean that would you really like really but I mean it's it's hardly like it's it's it's a good process to have in your head but when a child is sick and it's your child it's it's very difficult not to you know to go either way like yes it is and I see it's in the Foxhole but if you press the not answer then and your child's not getting back then you have to understand that you understand that through this process you have an opportunity to grow and to become a much greater spiritual person than you ever could have would have been without it and that's a hard um pill to swallow very hard sell it is hard but it happens to be the truth the truth is not always um easy to score easy to to connect you know and it takes great people to do that and that's and that's our choice that's our choices you know it's obviously when you're dealing with a person in who's a difficult situation your um Your Role is to be compassionate and to be caring and to be uh sensitive and to help them as much as they can but but you know part of the process for all of us is to think you know is to think about that and that's what that's why I went through this whole process you know in the class of like we start feeling guilty because this is what happens people start thinking it's like well how can you start sets for talking about what they're doing wrong they're going through enough suffering and now you're telling them maybe they're doing something wrong so I'm just saying like you know what we have to get we got to get because if we don't get past that then we'll never deal with the real issues in our life we'll never start thinking about how I can be a better person what I could have done wrong and so and so forth because it's like you know what it's like um you know it's um you know I I don't wanna I don't want to face that I already try and tell me I did something wrong you know but you know you got to be this is this is what takes true humility to be able to focus on mistakes that we've made we and and all areas of growth that we could attain either going away from the negative or going to the positive and really how can I really use my potential in a much deeper way like we said Abraham our forefather went through terrible terrible difficulties in life and he became the progenitor of the Jewish people now was it worth it I think so you know you know so you have to like you know understand that that great that's why I kept saying great people the greatest people I met all of course survivors you know I scared the example my mother she she was like a pro Tower she was a tower you're a tiny lady she was a towering spiritual diet you know okay you know so she and and it came through difficulty so and how much is that worth you know is it it's better to go through life and just have you know you will wish this on anybody right but Hashem knows what people need and some and some and hopefully it's just for a short time and if we do the right work and we do the right prayer and we pray the right way and we do the right growth and hopefully yes it will go away and everybody's praying miracles happen it does but it's not just it's praying and growing it's not just enough to pray maybe that's what the lessons of the past it's not just enough to pray you've got to be real with your relationship what is Hashem trying to teach that it's not a game it's not his family gives it to you so just so that you can pray gives it to you you have to think about it you have to understand it what is it trying to say why am I what am I gonna what am I learning from this how can I grow through this what are the lessons and take that very seriously yeah so we we can't be afraid of that um because that's where you know that's where we really need to think and and I'm sure that some of these ladies you know when Rabbi Rabbi Rabbi um book which David cast last night to a lot of the age rabbis or something and it was in the Merit of four people in nation Torah um who are in the organization the wives are sick and so forth and um you know we we all have to um to think you know those ladies are are growing in leaps I mean in incredible ways obviously the goal is that food they're growing and throughout gardening they'll have a refuge name and better sending will right and that's that's for sure and you can demand it said this is crazy there's such good people and they're growing and I'm going give us you know give them a good health come on you know the you are the demand it from the chef you know there's such a thing you can demand from a shadow you know it's outrageous Hashem how can you do this you're our Father in heaven and these people have done suffering and they're trying and they're growing you know we're going to really poor storm storm the heavens there's such a thing we should do that on Rosh Hashanah right for the world and for the how how can it possibly be that Hashem you're not bringing back the Jewish people how could it be that your children they're in Godless they're in Excel how could it be that you know how could it possibly you've got to like make a demand on on on God right but he's looking back and saying listen you know I understand that but you know what you don't really care about it because what are you doing you know so yeah it's a backwards and fourth you have to it's a relationship where we call out to Hashem we see how he responds then we take more action we'll take different action we we pray in a different way you know I'll just finish with this and then I'll let you all go but when I last time I saw Rabbi Weinberg before he died I went to Israel it was about two and a half weeks before he passed away I called him on the phone and I said I said you know by Weinberg I'm here in Israel I was wondering if I come to see you I could come and see you and he said absolutely that absolutely changed my life because it was such a feeling of he really wants to see me he was like it was it was such a profound feeling of love that he added me that it was like wow it was just you know anyway I went to I went to see him I spent 20 minutes with him and he was in a lot of pain and I remember I I will I remember every every moment of that conversation because there are many things that he said to me and I would not forget what he said but the last thing I said because he was in a lot of pain and I said Rabbi I said a Russian sheep around my wife I said no I I think I should go and I'm going to pray harder for the Russia he looked at me in the eye he said pray smarter not harder that was the last words he said to me pray smarter not harder meaning what he was saying to me is and he was teaching me a lesson to the end right he was trying to help me grow to the end which was like which was you know don't just keep like ah yeah I I I just keep shouting at God and trying to like make more and more think about it what is it what is Hashem trying to say to you in the fact that you're ready that your Rabbi is is sick what what what's the lesson thing you think about it think about it more don't just keep going at the same I'll pray think about it what's the lesson what what am I what is Hashem trying to teach me with this am I supposed to grow through this and therefore that's changed what am I praying about so we have to go through this Pro it's not a it's a relationship of growth and it's a profound deep and relationship which is not easy and it takes effort you know as we said in the past according to the effort is the reward right according to the effort is the reward and and and and that's a hard also kill to swallow that the more effort we cut into life and really it's the no pain no gain and it goes for all of life and praying is Away by praying your heart out and asking these questions and taking action then you can gain greatly and you'll see Miracles if you go through this process your prayers will be answered many many more times you know than if you don't right now sometimes you know it's true it won't necessarily get everywhere answered but sometimes you share a lot of prayers of righteous people and we don't always know the answers so but if you don't do this process then you know you certainly not doing the necessary steps to get your presence if you do do it there's a good chance that your parents will be answered and even if they're not you will grow and become the great person you could be in this world so that's uh