Kiruv Question Symposium - Project Inspire Convention 2016

than anything else and uh I think that will that's that's a good a good thing to keep in your pocket I would ER on the side of being safe and uh and not pushing it too much can I ask just to clarify the question it's a very important question see it's work is she is she someone are you how do you know how how do you know how do you know her I mean she is she learning with her is she interested in judyism these are she's interested she's beginner you were M for what for Jewel so she's been to Jewel and so she has some understanding some uh I I I mean cuz the thing is I this is just that like like grabi Solomon Solomon right it was saying was that is that of course you should say something of course you should say something and it's always uncomfortable but the question is it's going to be effective or not right so that if there's a she feels that you care about her and you can raise it in a way that's not threatening to her but because coming from a place of care and that you know and she probably knows that you think that it's not a great great thing for her does she not I think she knows say yes so say you know like you know have you the question is whether if you think it's completely impossible so then don't then probably better like saying that don't say something's not going to be heard if you really know it's not going to be heard but otherwise if you can say something and say listen you know you want to have you know children who are going to have Jewish parents and it's complicated to have one parent who's Jewish and one person Catholic and you know did you ever think you know I'm I I I love you I care about you I just you know but if you think it's not going to go at all then maybe bet perhaps not but you don't want to be in a position where you could have said something and it could have made a difference in you did see you have to bear with me because it gets better as I talk so it it'll be worse than the first 30 seconds I just Haven to stop talking it's uh what they said is 100% right understands it's also not to say something that people won't be here you have to know what not to say but marriage is a very very serious decision and we're going to lose this person for a long time right so if there's the slightest crack correct you need to say something now having the right thing to say helps so I actually have a lot of experience this I was a rabbi out of town and everyone would cross the street when I pass by everybody avoids Orthodox R everywhere except on one occasion everybody found my number when their sons were engaged that's what they find so I was like a Novi I would get these calls from these women and I felt I'm I'm this is so and so I'm a member of Shiri and I would say hold on and your son's engaged to a Catholic she'd go like how do you do that and I would sayet I would say that's the only time people from sh call me so she would say well will you help me and I said I gladly help you so she said can I send my son over and I would say no no no I'm going do it my way you come first she goes no Happ it's okay um you can tell him anything you want but wa what I'm saying now will sound like it doesn't work in your case because I'm telling a story with a woman but what I do the people who didn't ask for it I they want to talk to you they just know how to bring it up they know what you think so I tell them this story I say let me tell you what happened I recently had a mother call me and this is what I told her so this is my opening and here's what I described I'll tell you why this works because you see you have to come across not as a fanatic you have to come across reasonable loving concerned open-minded and then you shock them with your and you get gain credibility and then they they're totally disarmed you have to say every single thing that they don't expect you to say so here's my speech I'll do it very short the woman I I would tell the come to my house we'll talk and she would go Rabbi you don't need to talk to me I give you permission you can tell them whatever you want don't worry you don't need to talk to me first whatever you want to say give him whatever you got I'd say listen come to my house or talk and she go wasting time I give you my full Authority you know do we said can we do it my way come so finally she would come reluctantly and she'd sit down by my table and I would say so tell me about the girl she said the girl she's not Jewish I said tell me about her she goes yeah she's a wonderful girl she's pretty she's smart she's have nice family she has good job she the hold everything she's not Jewish we know a problem with the girl you're not Jewish I would say listen what safe time answer my questions tell me about the girl what do you want to know but her family parents they married 30 years they're they're sort involved in their Church like twice a year just like us she goes to this school she has a degree listen to her and I would say you know what they sounds so beautiful they're like so she go she's not Jewish so sounds as good as any Jewish girl listen she goes to the same school as your son listen to the same music the same movies they do the same stuff your family sound pretty similar it really sounds like Mom is like beautiful Go funny what what are you saying I said like what's your problem she was Jewish I said you know what you're a racist and she would go what what are you talking about I'd say you should be so proud of your son he grew up in a racist home and he overcame that and he's going to marry the best girl that he can find and not be blinded by your primitive Prejudice and she would go what was it what what if it was your son said shoot him and she goes oh and you're not a racist I have a rist bone in my body she goes what are you what are you saying said listen I believe in Judaism I believe in the T I believe in I believe in God and gave usra and I think this girl is wonderful it sounds so nice it's just Hashem said no you don't believe that you don't believe Hashem said no you don't know what Judaism you don't believe in Judaism what right do you have to tell your son he's falling in love with a girl he has a wonderful girl you tell him he can't do it that's racism so she looks at me totally shocked and she says maybe I do believe that God said so and I would say I I don't let up so easy I'm like harsh I only one I only got one crack of these people so I have to push it she goes I would say like how convenient the one Mitzvah the whole Torah that is going to embarrass you in front of your neighbors is the one thing you said God said and everything else God didn't say so she says I knew said I don't believe that God gave the whole thing I say you know what so so beautiful you said that but it's approximately 24 years too late and you never told you son this you joined the Sho that told you told you son the opposite you avoided me at all costs you never even thought about this but you're right I'll talk to your son and I'll do the best I can but you better make sure to tell the rest of you children what you just told me before it happens again again again that was my that's my gig and I tell that to to the to the to the kids when I talked to the kid who's getting into married and I said this is what I tell them and they look at me with the joy they like fall in love with me they go like can you tell that to my uncle can you do the same thing I'm going to bring in my parents because they've been hit by their mother and father have brought them every hypocritical secular Jew to talk sens to them and theyve heard already so much racism and they want me to say that I said I'll tell you parents and and then they look at me so what's but what's really wrong with it and then I say I'm not going to tell I'm here to hurt you I'm not going to be to change your mind just go do what you're doing marriage is hard enough as it is I I I need you to look at your wife now forever and feel like she ruined your history and your family and I can't do that to you you you really are a good kid you grew up in a shallow home and you you Rose to the top and you're beautiful you want me to tell you things there's no way you going to be strong strong enough to listen to me so why should I say something to you and at that point I have they go no you're not going tell me wa and I'll say no because this girl in a world of anti-Semitism This girl wants to marry a children she's a wonderful girl and she deserves a husband who thinks that that that that she's the greatest thing and if I tell you about JIS and what it is and how important it is you're not going to be able to do that and then I said your his kid he can't go on like that so I say you know what maybe maybe maybe spend three months you go to Israel you talk to people and you learn something about it I'll talk to you a little bit but but I I I you can't go halfway I can't tell you something that you're going to look at her crooked forever we'll do it we'll talk for a while get it and then and then and then you'll be able to make an right decision and you'd be surprised I've consistently broken up couples consistently and I end up talking to the girl when I end up it's harsh and people cry but I've also done 13 gises and legitimate G and people are from and but if you do it right and you're honest you're not this I I'll tell you one last thing just finish the session I think I think the answer to your question very simple give everybody found felim her phone number it'll take care of okay any other questions yes no other questions come on yes so I have some people who are not what I have I have some people who are not from who come to our house and they they join the she's table they helped so we've built made Hala together how do you take them to that next step without pushing them away like where they want to accept something on themselves or they want to do something they at least now are positive towards BM kite but I don't know how to take that next step so they're coming they come to your house and they love coming they're interested and they ask questions and how do go to the next step they maybe start doing a little bit morei has the answer oh go ahead Solomon nobody you never get to talk Solomon was my learning re learning director when I went to Camp that's right so he's so much older than I am the truth is someone said to me what are you going to talk about I said I'm on a panel with Rabbi felon I'm just going to sit [Applause] there don't start you're next anyway so uh when when you what you have to do is not be afraid you're not trying to hurt anybody you know you I I was teaching in Discovery many years ago where we would sit down afterwards and and evaluate the guys and there was a guy in a fine University he was on The Fast Track he was going to have a great career you know and he was on this uh you know trajectory where he's going to be like the American dream and we had him in Discovery and by the end he decided to you know take a leave of absence in sney Shiva so while we were evaluating it one of the advisers said jokingly well we ruined another life now it's only half joking yeah because you know we look at these people we think wow this is a success this not success anything we give them with and Mitzvah is the greatest success in the world so we don't have to feel you know uptight about it you know the most important thing and I think we heard that uh uh shabas at the Symposium I forgot who was speaking um where he talked about how he had this couple who was coming to them the whole time for shabas you hear anyway talk about the guy who was coming for shabas years Feldman fman anyway am I the only one who listens to these things anyway and he said you know I I I finally said to him do you want to learn gamar you understand you got to get somebody into learning learning takes you to the next step you know I'll tell you amazing story that I heard Mato Solomon um uh any relation not yet oh anyway Mato Solomon a Reb said to me says I hear that the mash doesn't travel on route nine he says it's true says white there are things there that I I don't think are appropriate so the RAB says the Mas has such sensitivities to these things he says I try says and yet you let your B go out on dates unsupervised yeah so so the Mas said like this you're right you're right you know but what can I do he says when the G came to America they found theb they the shab and and the they said put the emphasis on one thing get people to learn when people learn their entire approach to Judaism and life changes so if you have somebody who's coming by and doing all these good things get them ausa set them up I would bet dollars to donors that a project Inspire must have some kind of a system setting up people to be able to learn there you go women also what yes no not not women but uh but for the men for the women they B but for the men of course for the women the women have no y not to learn so they sit and learn all the time you know you know how the got started he put in an ad I'm starting a b Yeshiva and seven women showed up that's that's how he started the there's no problem there you know but uh but people who start learning they move to the next level automatically just while while on that point Daniel H would like to stand up for a second please yeah Daniel H is our one-on-one learning coordinator she does an absolutely fantastic job and if you are interested in a one1 Learning Partner please pleas with Danielle in our office and she'll find someone for you info Pro inspire.com info info Pro inspire.com very good I just want to say how much I agree and that learning actually always takes you to the next level if you can and if the next one after that is er taking a trip to ER and if you're going to do that together that's transformation wel questions yes I'm going to direct this question to the whole panel which everyone is inir work is anybody here in takir none of none none of them here you come to the wrong Club my question is a psychological question on behalf of all of you how do you cope psychologically in a case and in many cases where you brought people to a high level or humanist and they backpack slowly and finally they backpaddle all the way what is your how do you cope psychologically how you feel about it this is really question for it's a psychological question we need a psychologist it's a tremendous question the question was how do you cope when you've put a lot of work into people and they've reached them to the high level and then they backslide and you watch what happening it's how does this make you feel how does too much fun up here it's not right it's not right yeah listen you brought me in here I got two crummy classes this whole time I can't believe it my gosh you invited everyone in their brother to this convention you know what I mean got nothing to do walking around trying to make people from and they're all from Brooklyn you know they need the most so the question the question is excellent but when I listen to it robt this is Herra by the way a legend a legend in kir by the way and when we finish this talk I'm going to ask you the same question how you cope with it because you've probably seen it yourself and of course it's devastating you put work into something you see it but it's not to me any different than any other disappointment in life in which you put a lot of work into anything and then it doesn't turn out the way I mean I hate to bring it up but how much work we put into our children sometimes then we watch them slide uh it's not easy to do it's not very different than any other disappointment in how we cope I will tell you that when I come to uh when I come to Gatherings like this I didn't say it over this weekend but I usually tell failure kir stories I think they're the best ones because you know all the success stories and rabovsky has told many of them about you know we just skip right to the end and now she's in banet Brock and she has 14 kids and 26 grandchildren and she wears you know she's 27 and she's right so they're all so beautiful Etc you know and it's just you know the problem is that they all don't turn out that way guess guess what so I like to tell failure Cub stories and the reason that I I think they're more effective is because first of all people relate to them a lot more they endure a lot and there are many like that and second of all because uh in the past whenever I've had any failure C stories which has never happened to me but if it would have I go to my R who's also your Phil David and he tells me yanle he always says you should know you are 100% successful and that's why I go back to him cuz he keeps telling me how successful I am so I said maybe the rub didn't hear the story you know I I spoke to her and she was doing good and then and then it dropped said you are 100% successful I look at him and what are you talking about and he says the results are not your domain how you felt with it you have to it's up to him or it's up to her or it's up to the Reish it's not up to you you put in your effort if it's a full effort you're 100% successful and by the way that's across the board and everything and and we forget that we forget that the's report card is only on the effort remember the report guard you know you got like a 40 this is your kind of stuff you got like a 40 you know effort excellent say oh well you know it's pretty good bring on to your parents they slap you in the face but look I got an e an effort got an excellent an effort I never get never remember that but but the truth is that in the Heavenly report card that's really what counts it's just the effort line so we have to keep that in mind keep remembering that as long as we we put in our our maximum hisas we're doing everything anything we can we are 100% successful um if if I I could say personally um I I don't know if he answered in terms of how he feels about it but he feels fine it's 100% but uh for me personally I can tell you it's very difficult for me and I'm not even talking about when a person goes and then Falls I'm talking when a person doesn't do it in the first place in all these Realms when when you care about someone and you actually want them to be able to be successful want them to grow and then you and then especially when you put time and effort but even without the time and effort I remember I have a certain person that I once met somewhere someplace just to be specific and and this uh and this person I remember being on a on a Friday night that shus by the way and uh and what happened was I I watched this person walk a secular person to the car and uh the person walking them to the car the person escorting them was apparently a religious person and they I I watched them out the window and perhaps I shouldn't have been looking with me I should have been learning but and uh and I watched as he put the person in the car elderly person helped them in and then as he started to close the door and as they as it was in slow motion CU they were doing I there's something wrong with them but they were doing this but then it went fast right like that and it was like and as it I went and I felt this like you know shot to the heart and they were to blame that in the way the day that they did it and it was something which was very very very painful for me and I went to this person and I said how could you do that told toorah and I didn't have much else to say t and okay there's a long story to this which you don't want to hear but you probably do but another time but I will say you it's very hard but also we know that a ainu if if I can say this such a thing if I can say I know it sounds a little bit intense but but ainu in this realm seemed to have been a tremendous failure in other words went and he and he was what did he do all day he fed people and then he would coer them into having to make bras a beautiful way of K that uh ended up very not suc but what happened was in the end of the day you understand what I'm saying so comes to try to fix all those things that he did so how did he feel so yes we're 100% successful no matter what we do and every person is that's up to them but does it hurt the answer is like was mentioned if you care for someone you love for them then it hurts tremendously and that's I think is a whole I mean this question wasn't asked but that's if it doesn't hurt you then then I think that person's in the wrong profession like the says you need to love the person and if you don't feel hurt then in my in my understand it's felt in in the love that means that a it is it is a loss in actual love towards the person so the answer is how do I cope with it I say to my wife daily what's going to be with Kaa though and and I and I don't cope it and then I attempt to try it again in a in a way which I say to I no one listen yes yes yes wait wait wait say 30 seconds something a little different show us um I want to say a short 15-second story of something like this that happened I uh had a guy for a month we worked on we did mus and growing and came the guy like he cried and two weeks into he was ding in s already at 10:45 and that guy was me say I work a whole and I do and they come to I'm right where wants me to be and then I slip and that's the nature of life and we should look at our body truth exactly as we look at ourselves and life is not like this it's it's ups and downs and if if you start pulling your hair out you just make the guy feel more more far gone so what do I do for myself when I find myself in sare I I look at myself and I find my the my good things and I say you're not such a happening is not your thing you have your but you good at this you do that and you care about whatever you find your things that you and you you think about those things and you also wait for moments when you feel vulnerable cuz those moments are times that you can strengthen yourselves in the places where you're weak and your children your Bing children you have to see them the same way if you you work constantly at making them cognizant of their the things that they bring to the table then they will be stronger and their weaknesses won't drag them down and then you wait for the moment in their lives where they're having difficulties and they're vulnerable and at that time those times you help them recover from the areas where they are something we we everything that goes on goes on in ourselves and the best way to to work with them is to treat them exactly and we we we've developed very good skills for our own personalities and they work just as well for the people we care about I think that was about 15 second next question yeah so wait I didn't get to answer you like to answer yeah it doesn't bother me at all than I I want to make that very very clear as as RAV said so well it bothers me as much as anybody else the problem is when you get involved in this business you cannot think it's you because if you think it's you then you're going to go out of your mind and so when people come over and tell me oh look at all the people you made from I said I never made anybody from because if I'm going to take credit for the for the successes I have to take responsibility for the failures and I am not going to do that so I took the 20 people and three of them became from so then I'll get the they say you didn't make s people from I didn't make anybody from I teach I give my material over and if their success was great and if not not it has nothing to do with me and if they go and they choose to grow and then they choose to fall back I'm sorry for them as I am for anybody but not because I'm involved very inter one of the K panelists once said that if they had unlimited funds they would double the salary of every Reby because you were bringing people into a system that has many challenges as well that's failing so you should right so you should bolster it up oh you're talking about him but how do you balance our to the rest of college which clearly there's a big F and at the same time C is becoming so challenging that thech well are not overflowing with people that J to tell you and so how do you balance that challenge of your Fe ofure and our Fe of cooperate to really bolster our current system in the world okay next question any takers when people Dar up from a lot a lot I honestly I don't you want to I don't understand the I don't understand the question because it was I'm assuming yeah I'll explain the question I won't answer it but I'll explain it yeah the from world is in shambles yeah nobody wants to say this but it's true right and everybody knows it Jakob har he once said you know people ask me how CL was doing I said if you're in the middle circle with the it's unbelievable everyone's dancing go into it you reach the second Circle it's also okay you reach the third circle where I am the old people who are shuffling back and forth no you then there's the people sitting at the tables then there are people outside smoking and I point out I add on that and as you grow they're concentric circles so each circle gets bigger so if you're in the middle it's galic if you're not then it's a real problem so with all the problems in the fir world and with the limited resources that we have how do you tell somebody take this money and help some from person in ashkash you know what I mean or take help your own kids who are here in Brooklyn who are falling apart that's the question secular person ashkash what secular secular person in ashkash yeah there aren't that many F people in ashkash good I have no idea yes but that you know that doesn't doesn't stop me from talking right right right right it is a very good question I I have to go on record okay because I saw somebody typing this so I have to go on record I love dski more than than I love go on record the only because we go back longer the fact is I'm like a grandson to him right he was my tal he's like a grandfather and he owes me a tip way back remember that invest in oil right thank you which is dropping like crazy anyway but the be very serious to be very serious for a moment I have to go on record because as much as I love Rabbi olowski and I respect him tremendously I disagree with him I I didn't say anything I do not you going to the question I just explain the question you said something that I disagree with I do not believe that the from World Isn't chambles I do not believe it at all uh and you said it as a fact and it's certainly not a fact it's barely an opinion and it's not true we have we have problems and we're not hiding from the problems but we are not in shambles at all I think that in many many many many many ways I know you're not going to talk to me anymore but in many many ways we are doing great we are doing just amazing and if I'm going I can go on and on about how many wonderful things doing people like to leave room there's going to be a fist fight now yeah he's much stronger than me I have to go no I just have to say it on record and and I and it bothers me well and you're not the only one it bothers me when people say that because we are in a very unique position of speaking to people who have sometimes have a lot of problems and we think in our own myopic way that this is the way life is and this is the way life in the from world is and I do not believe that it's true I think that in terms of T we're doing an amazing thing in terms of a we're doing unprecedented things in terms of it's certainly unprecedented in the history of Cl so we have the three pillars of our lives in which we are doing phenomenally well uh but we do have certain problems and we're not answering your question I understand that and I believe that the person who asked the question is no longer here but I wouldn't blame him if he left so I don't know if the answer to the question but I just wanted to go on record as disagreeing with you and we'll talk later yeah I I just want to say I agree with both of them and and okay so so listen the one yes is true great stuff on the other end it's also I think true to an extent that uh I see from my like you mentioned like perhaps give some opinion about who's coming to the isas and a lot of times nowadays it's coming in you walk into a room of Essentials where I teach the introductory program it's it's not uncommon on any given day to find an upwards of 90% of the people there coming from from a backgrounds and it's not necessarily only because they're coming to learn C of skills right in other words they perhaps they're coming to learn themselves certain ideas it doesn't mean shambles I mean terrible horrible it mean it's catastrophic and and okay in other words that is what to be dealt with in both so how does one justify the answer is that you have to just look for yourself in other words there's a lot of things to be doing how does somebody go ahead and uh and I was walking once on a on a I don't want to say where but I was some I was in a neighborhood again to careful I don't to speak too much out loud but uh on the record but uh but because there's no video of sham K here's what so butor any it's not true by the way don't write that down people in the class there was oh my good amazing right so anyways I was walking in a certain neighborhood it was on a Friday night and when I was walking there I saw that there were these uh people that came from some religious home some secular home on a Friday night involved with things that we would say generally in the Orthodox world that one should not be involved with on a Friday night and and it was very I'm walking by this I'm watching this and like I mentioned before it really does hurt me to see this but again like rowski said I I have a new takeen life just don't care about anyone and then you're not responsible right so thank you for that Rabbi and just There's Hope for you yet my friend slowly slowly I'll get there so but no but it really it was it was something which was painful to watch these 15-year-old 16-year-olds and they're like totally out to lunch with what yish gu is so I went to a RV in the community in that community and I said to the R I said a fell time I'm sorry I went I went to the r of the community and I said I said do you know this place in this neighborhood he said of course I said do you know that there are kids are hanging out doing whatever he said yeah so he said so how could you how could you not do anything like how could you walk by and not do and not help them so he said to me it's a very good question let me ask you something this kid come from from home it's a lot of them right so I he said to me do you know that there are a lot of you and there are a lot of alas I said yeah he said do you know that there are a lot of people that are having a hard time finding parnasa I said yeah a lot of people he said said do you know there's a lot of kids that are not getting into schools I said yes he goes do you know there's a lot of intermarriage I said yes he said do you know do you know do you know do you know he said do you want me to deal with everything would you like me to sit down and deal with everything the msus is we only have a certain amount of time in our day and a cent the funds to be allocating this is this is a reality that exists and everyone has to understand and look at the themselves to see where do they feel that they're going to be able to make the most impact if they feel that it's in the religious community so first of all doesn't have only do with funds you can volunte here and put in work and set up organizations and do things which we know people have done this whole organization was built on individuals that decided to go ahead and say let's let's make this happen and now even a sh is of 1300 I mean the whole thing this is only this sh you I'm saying it's a phenomenal so which case what I would say what which one comes first I I don't know what to I don't know to answer the question you know I'm saying yes it starts at the home yeah it starts at the home okay I get it it does so do it the home but that doesn't mean we should ignore so what you should do this and then not do that do that and then not do this so therefore we have to find a way that there's a possibility that we can help as much as we can but again there's only a fine amount of time and effort that we able to do that's what I would say that I just want hear right fell says who's right me or re Sal I just want to say on behalf of re and myself that we're very happy at seems that re Sal doesn't love us as much he wasn't even mentioned that's he that's he's not making fun of you not even on the list um I'm very relieved but I want to make sh over here is the from community in shambles or is it not in shambles so I have unique way to make sh that make everybody angry at me um I think it is in shames but it's the exact opposite of who's the shambles and who's not I think that we live in a Torah where things have come very easy to us and all the people in sh are not really in sh and we have kids who are suffering and people who are going through very tough times cuz every single one of those people is going to find the in a way that they're comfortable complacent parents won't and I think the future of CLA is in both the Bali Chua who feel the S of their alienation from Tyra and they therefore joined to us and the FR kids who are at risk who are not happy and feel empty in their complacency and they're the ones who are going to search out the and find yish in the way that previous did and the people we think are chbl are chbl CU they're the future of Cl and they're going to be they're going to be the ones to make their complacent comfortable appearance again into you didn't answer the question yeah just I was little surprised as the administrator what I the moderator thank you but I was a little surprised that the P didn't mention so forgive me for mentioning uh that uh there's such a thing is called project Inspire have you heard of that project Inspire Inspire who is the greatest recipient of going out and doing 400 speakers beneficiary of doing kir who's the we are I mean that's one of the things that we I think that people call I don't know have the kiru but I it changed my life and I think you see the inspiration that people have got I think from coming to a to a weak weekend like this and and therefore one of the things that we believe is that when you take AAS for then the FR Community itself is strengthen is saying this to me all the time he says you know I'm not so interested you know the Kum is nice I do it for my balab when my balab come back from doing Kum and and you see that their faces are shining the way it's not when they when I when they come out of my gar and I think that when we I think this fits very well with M said is the MIT of the generation so we understand that if it's the MIT of the generation it means that we need to do it it's what we need to do Hashem doesn't need us to do K it's because we need it why do we need it because when we do it we grow right and therefore in this generation was saying you need to do this because the F Community needs this not just because you want the but you need it there was a guy last night here M who I don't know if people have seen there's a there's a there's a convention around these days or weekend called K of tuni right have you seen that how did that start cuz me spir was here last night he said and I'm just saying this for for he says RAB SS you're my rebi you told me to do something I did something right so he ran this weekend and said doing another one right because he got the bur he understood it he understood the principles of kiru and now he's doing kirov coven because it's basically the same thing which is caring about yenim understanding all of the principles that we're saying this is what we need to learn AR just brius this so when we learn this we'll learn it for ourselves we learn it for them we have to do both we have to do both Russ was very similar question yesterday he said you have to do both so better I'm just being sh motive that when we do this we'll end up doing both more effectively but you didn't answer the question a short message from our sponsor is community in trouble or is everything great I didn't say everything is great everything's terrific I want you to answer the question there are beautiful things happening from the community and there are problems and there are problems as well next question please next question please thank you Donald you're first Inspire video I was there with my daughter the seventh grade and we were inspired so we I had some connection to a Traditional School in North Carolina and I had this idea that let's make pen pals between my daughter's classmates with the girls from that school I thought it was a great idea remember remember I went I approached that school in North Carolina they of course were very happy about it I approached my da school and they were concerned about reverse hash who's to say that has is going to go in the right direction and it died I was a little bit aggravated by it but I'm curious to hear what the panel has to say about reverse has far in case and you bring people into your house and so great question great question thank you great question for our J this is this is you have anything to say about you to cuz you're not loved so I'm in trouble I'm in big trouble you are you have big trouble first of all I would say that your question really will answer the previous question also I want to point this out is that we believe that when you want something done you give it to a busy person and the original question was how do you you put your resources into and I think that the fact that people are involved in really invades in no way into of Craven the M are doing both and we're still complaining we don't get enough speeches right so there's 40 speakers here they W get two speeches we can do we're willing to talk to everybody I've never said no to a conversation K C I've never that haveed on each other it makes each one more efficient it it gives me more breath and experience the people who need to speak to are the schools and the from Community to let the M work on their people they're the bottleneck the people come complain why are you doing that why don't you talk to our kids and my answer is give me your room I I'll be there tomorrow but they won't let us in because they're scared they would know want them to hear it there is the problem of of the two roles but the bottleneck is not here the bottleneck is in the community doesn't feel it yet they don't they're still worried that's where the problem school okay so we not the schools if you don't start at the bottom fix the schools okay so go to to convention over theet this is fire that's pasin okay spot at the bottom the school the schools have the schools you want to hear one of the most optimistic things that I have to say I just spoke this week in Bas Kayla Lakewood so there's a thank God I'm available by the way so there uh there's understanding that we you know the world is changing but I would also I want back to your your question that was a segue to the last question your as far as your question um did bringing people into your home I found is it's the most powerful thing you can do for your kids everything's dangerous in the world let people see the the beauty of things it's it's the the idea that people are worried about what's going to happen to their kids to see other people's Li eyes light up for the beauty of we have to offer it it it's sad that people don't know how beautiful Judaism is it's like if we had you know I I I'm a to a little bit of of re Rosenberg re Rosenberg was one of the original people and he was very very hard NOS I I had a we I went to his his mood it was early C of camp and he ass signed one Yesa Bak to every prospective student you sh the room and at night he would talk to us so how's your boy doing and like I he said to me um he said to me he said to us so what your boy say I said my guy said is having a hard time putting on filling every day he that's really every day you have to do it and he said and what did you tell him he said I said I told him I know it's it's hard you get used to it and have time he goes I brought you here to put your insecurities and your embarrassment and your y on my guys you're here to look pretty let me talk to the guys he goes what what what are you doing you don't believe in God and you think you can do K of how do you live without filling how how does the person live without him the guy sits with fil and you say do do your life is empty you just suffering we have such beauty can't be worried about K you have to love y your kids will see kir and they'll see what does to people your kids will glow they'll become bulletproof don't worry that someone's going to say something that it's a sad world out there it really is sad the only people who think it's beautiful are h of people who are here everyone out there the only reason they're not all joining us is they think they're too far gone they don't have a chance but they would love to have the life we have and we need to hear that and we don't see in our own eyes the only place will see it in their eyes bring them into your house and see it in their eyes your kids will become Bulletproof the kids are bring the whole seventh grade into your house that's what nobs uh the question is excellent robber I mean because we always deal with this it's very very common and I and I can't cannot agree more with the the people that I love next to me on my left you're right you're right yeah you're right and I can't agree more about about how important it is the icker though I would say to people who are afraid is that that's where that's the role of the home if you give your kids the proper if you give them a they will not be influenced in a bad way that's the case in everything you give them self-esteem you give them a a real genuine and a love for and you can sleep well at night doesn't mean it's a guarantee it doesn't mean it's they're not going to be influenced at all oh they're going to take out their iPhones they going to show them a movie and they never saw one before and then then it's the end of the world and then then we're then we're in shambles so that's you know I understand that fear but the way to protect yourself that's where the home comes in you put a right in your home and you and you sleep well and then you show them the beauty ofish guy then you can feel like they UND danger I always tell people that if they have a kid who they think is uninspired or they think that they're they're nervous that he might be on the edge or something like that I said get him involved in kir let him learn with somebody else let him give to somebody else the more people get to give to people who have less than them it's them and gives them a position that I'm somebody not only that I'm somebody but I have to sell the very thing that that I'm supposed to be believing in myself and it makes it stronger for everybody so you know I would uh say that uh that the plan was a great plan and uh I wouldn't give up I'd find another class to do it right just add also answer this question or dealt with this question question just to say him he said that he said that on the one hand there's a that if you take care of a college B's children they'll take care of yours and we've seen all the experiences they go with that that that in light people to understand when you see a Cho comes in and appreciate sh you heard David M yesterday speaking about his first shabas what did it do for us to hear wow what a what a something how beautiful is shabas oh maybe it really is beautiful so we benefit greatly at the same time I would just to add if you know there's a problem or if you know something if you know this will be negative but you're seriously worried about it and not just because you have you're trying to put off K you're trying to use it as an excuse if there really is a problem don't it don't you know you can't be your family your family comes first right so you can't ignore if there's really an issue that's going to happen you have to deal with it and look at it straight in the face say maybe we shouldn't invite this person for for in this particular case in general it's m great great yes this what I do for my family questions yes the can do for them myself and I live in an amazing amazing family but it is a Battleground in that half of the family became one and the other half of the family continued on their path so when we have simps or we're not inviting them we can't invite them and I hear this from both sides because I'm the neutral one in the center and it's pulling me apart because I'm saying if I live in this microcosm of what's going on in the world what a tragic thing I want to bring them closer I want to bring them closer I don't know how to do it I understand who's not inviting who to what I don't really can you explain a little bit AR to what they won't invite from person they won't invite from person okay thank you okay they won they might touch the wine don't come please don't come and when that happens then they call me they told me we can't even come now well we don't want to come because we don't know want to know about them and then the other on say they inviting us okay Family Feud over religion sound okay yes Solomon said family therapy here you go what the question that was it I'm sorry so what's the question the question is how can I you know my job I I feel even hasem to try and bring them together and I and I've been trying to love both sides and trying to listen to both sides but it's actually pulling me apart right now because each time one of these events come up oh no I'm leaving the country now this back and and I feel ter okay we have the question okay so I I can't speak for anybody else here but I grew up in a family that was not sham shabas and um we didn't all become from at the same time so there was a process so there would be times when we would have uh part of the family was observant and part of the family was not observant and uh I I have found this to be true over and over again Jews have more in common than they have apart from themselves and what you need to do is stress the similarities and uh and therefore um you have to uh you have to look at uh family Dynamic and try to get the fir people to be a little bit more tolerant and to get the nonr people to be a little more tolerant because uh nonr people can be incredibly intolerant you know and you just have to get everybody you have to stay positive and give a CH a positive thing and be a bridge as much as possible and that's it you know the world is filled with unreasonable people right unreasonable being defined as do it my way yeah so people are unreasonable but what you can do is be a voice for reason and the more that you are that the more you bring a family together I'm we have come to uh I think the the keynote session supposed to be starting already 11: and we're 11 speaking so I could just so you speak later okay thank you