Project Inspire Convention 2022 Rabbi Chanan Gordon - My Upcoming Ted Talk Staying Happy in an Unhap

25 years or so i've worked with certainly the most famous professional athletes in the world and cert and amongst the most famous celebrities in the world from that unique vantage point and from a personal jolting life experience one thing i can guarantee you and this bothers me a lot because we one of the person that we represent is today the biggest youtube influencer youtube's like it says on the internet and so the one myth that i've been asked to dispel and is the concept of a happy life is a pain-free life let me say it again hollywood teaches us something that's erroneous something that's fallacious and not only is it dead wrong but as someone like myself who speaks on campuses all over the world and he speaks to a lot of i think primarily millennials and gen z's this concept of a happy life being a pain free life is one of the causes of people living with tremendous anxiety tremendous depression and i should hasten to add i think the majority of millennials today are leading lives of a quiet desperation let me tell you the personal story that happened to me and i think this is the very first time i've ever said it live in front of 2.3 billion people live streaming but i told this once before seriously i told this once before they stand but they told me to i think this is if there's ever a time it's now as to why i'm very comfortable and confident saying live on camera that this the concept of a a happy life being a painful life is completely incorrect and the fact that every single one of us walked in here today with preconceived ideas that are completely wrong so this is the incident that happened to me that was obviously jolting and it changed my life and certainly was the beginning of a pivot in a completely different direction so it was 1990 i just graduated top of my class at harvard law school blue skies big man on campus great job on paper this is amazing so i was asked to fly out to a certain krasno order in los angeles and i stood up and told a few jokes i came back to sit down and the mother of the color said to me are you feeling okay so i thought you know maybe she doesn't like my jokes i mean i had a sniffle whatever i was burning the candle at both ends i mean this is the life in the big city i said you know i don't know maybe i'm a little run down but that's it she said do me a favor go this second to the hospital so i'm thinking this is a little bit it's a little bit aggressive but this is the mother of the colors i'm not you know this uh shalom buys karma latoya i'm so i went to a certain hospital better left unnamed and i went the following day to a friend of mine to schloff off what was just what i thought was just a cold and here's the phone call that i fielded that really caused me to do a lot of deep thinking and and certainly has been the theme for the last 25 30 years so phone call went something like this is this anthony gordon so i figured it's just the irs but eventually i realized i said yes so here's what the person said we're looking at your chest x-ray we see like a cloudy area in the upper right side we think you've got cancer do you have medical insurance that was the top that was also the tone of the voice so that's not exactly the best bedside man firstly secondly i'm just thinking i'm single at the time early twenties i'm alone in the world so at that time i did a very selfish thing which is a knee-jerk reaction i called my mom in south africa i said mom this is the call i just fielded it's inexplicable i can't explain i'm no i'm not going to die like this is between you and i obviously next day the whole of south africa is saying to him so between that phone call of again anthony we think you've got a yanamachla until the definitive diagnosis which turned out to be benign was 23 days now unless you're a psychopath or you've got ice in your veins there's no way in the world that that phone call and contemplating meeting your maker is not going to change your perspective in life there's i give a talk often um about ndes about near-death experience so something happens psychologically something actually happens neurologically to a person when it's really real to you you know what you're contemplating you know the heavy condition is not just uh you know this is now on speed dial so in some primitive form i had this relay i had this conversation with god i said god we yes we're going to make a deal a little bit of a hootsburgh i said i'm in my early 20s you've given me a lot of a lot of gifts i'm not ready to check out there's a lot of you know i've got to speak at project inspire in the year 2020 there's a lot going on so here's the deal god give me one more shot and i promise you that i'm firstly i'm going to do a deep dive into our beautiful heritage and i'm going to take whatever the cars that you've helped me and the talents that you give me and i'm going to make it one of my life missions as best as i can to have a ration with people so the definitive diagnosis was presented as a classic third stage yanamachla and it turned out to be completely benign so that changed my entire perspective because while it was going through my while this was happening here's what i was thinking this wasn't the script i mean i was supposed to go for south africa i was supposed to go to harvard mary christie bridley with the shuttle this wasn't in the script what happens here and so that the concept of preconceived ideas is a very insidious thing that we think in our mind's eye we've got this whole thing mapped out let me tell you how powerful the concept of preconceived ideas are and again for those of you who came a little bit late besides speaking and whatever involved in the cure of world my full-time job is we represent some very very famous athletes whatever side i can't say names but if you google me after if you go if you go beyond sharpest we're all in trouble but if you're looking at me after shopping the things the public names you'll see are are justin bieber and john legend and these are big people jessica simpson all these mission going i've become their rebbe this is the craziest thing so during this whole thing it was jolting and it bothered and at the end of the day i was bothered by why i was bothered and what i what i realized is i had this whole life planned out and like every single person in this room there's bumps along the way and things happen that we don't that we don't really appreciate we don't understand and we look heaven-bound we say why me so one of the people that we represent is the biggest youtube influencer on planet earth i spoke to the person who's the brain child and exp and and he explained to me i'm speaking in events about i'm sorry i was talking about preconceived ideas help me understand from a media perspective how how is it that there are millions and millions of people that are drinking the kool-aid and they believe things and they may they're making major life decisions based on fallacious things so tell me one thing in the marketing advertising world there's a concept called the illusory truth effect so instead of explaining it let's let's just illustrate this what i want you guys to do hopefully in unison is say the word silk s-i-l-k seven times let's try that in unison okay sulk sulk silk salt camera's gonna talk so excellent and what do cows drink okay cows drink water now why is it why is it that then there's a knee-jerk reaction that we all scream out milk so this is the concept of it's an amazing concept so here's what happens with the illusory truth effect they have shown in a double blind study that if you repeat something at least four times there's something neurologically that happens where your critical thinking almost hits becomes marginalized and you act like an automaton and you just you start taking things in without thinking things through it's unbelievable what goes on that if that especially if it's a if it's a major personality and they're telling you things and they repeat it you mummish start functioning like an automaton your critical thinking is put on hold and years later you realize that you ascended a ladder and it's leaning against the long wall why because you based it on something that you heard through pop culture which is completely completely incorrect so those who walked in like we said the following we said that every single person walked into this room today with preconceived ideas i made a pretty big supposition and i said that i guarantee you that many of the preconceived ideas that you harbour are not only false but there are many preconceived ideas that people make major life decisions based on that i'll com that are causing them tremendous anxiety a tremendous stress and our job in the torah world is to learn to think critically and to dispel for sure the insidious pop culture that is around us and no one is impervious to it in my many years of speaking and travels i think and the easiest one just to to to take into charge is the notion that a happy life is a pain-free life and what we're going to do today is we're going to unpack that and show you that that's not that's certainly not the case and i'm going to replace that by what you should be thinking in terms of how you approach your life and i believe in my heart and soul and i've tried this many times it'll change your sharpest it'll change your life and it's probably the single best tool that you can you can give over to your children so let's unpack it for a second there's two words in that in that maxim that a happy life is a pain-free life so here's what pop culture has done they've conflated two concepts one concept is happiness the other is fun and they purposely have done that so i spoke to someone like such and such is a major marketing firm there's a few people who spoke and i said i'm giving this talk it's a live stream in front of 2.4 billion people i better be telling the truth so here's what the difference between fun and happiness and this is how it's confused millions and millions of people again i think it's best it's best to explain if i give out a scenario and all i want you guys to tell me is is the scenario that i'm explaining is it fun or is it happiness suppose after shabbos we will go i don't know stanford we'll go to the local amusement park go to the roller coaster up and down vomit whatever they do is that fun or happiness fun so funny something that's transient it's ephemeral it's synonymous in the in the english world to to a moment of joy or bliss that's certainly not happiness yeah scenario number two i think you were if you were there but about a year and a half ago in two weeks time i'm walking my son down the aisle to get married i guarantee you because it's happened twice already that by the second step down the aisle a tear will well up in my eye and it's going to be i'll be wallowing by the time we hit the copper final happiness because what's the difference what's different what's the fundamental difference between roller coaster six flags and walking my kid down the aisle you're 100 right what's the reason fun and happiness and again this is very dangerous that there's a conscious effort in the western world in pop to conflate them what tell me what the difference is that you that you feel between those two scenarios very good very good happiness touches on the shama fun is something that doesn't touch on the shaman i'll tell you as a non-american the first time in my life and it dawned on me when i was when i i've never heard the concept before with the salutation when you say goodbye to person you say have fun in english culture we never say i've never heard such a thing before it's a very dangerous thing because the people that we represent these music game they're all about fun one other public person i can't see it again because what made me leave the practice of law is after six months of the practice of law the partner walks in he had a folder handed me the folder like one of these manila folders i turned it upside down and said janet jackson so we represented janet it was a copyright case so as a result of that i'll end up becoming friendly with john branca john branca at the time was representing janet's brother i don't know if you've heard of michael jackson one day john says to me he says why don't you come to the house house the palace in bel air we're having a barbecue i said i keep kosher i mean i said do me a favor you're a colorful guy i want people to meet you it was in the 90s so i don't know if anyone knows the musical everyone and anyone who was a a a big schwitzer in the music world was there prince princess queen after an hour and a half i'll never forget this i reversed out of this bel air mansion sick to my stomach i've never under one roof with so many dysfunctional unhappy michigan in my life okay and this is who pop culture is putting on a pedestal this is who millions of people are aspiring to we represent them i'm their rebbe i'm telling you these people would want anything to have a meaningful life to have a relationship with their significant other to know who their children are so the concept the dangerous thing of conflicting fun and happiness is the one very dangerous thing that has happened in our society what what happiness is the closest concept the closest to to happiness in los angeles is simha if you look at the the shoresh of the words of her says the same church means to grow true happiness true happiness can only happen through one doing something that's growing that's meaningful that has to hit the kishkas that's the nashama that's something that's more than if that's more than just ephemeral that's something that has meaning that's something that touches the nashama and understand that the pop culture has done everything they possibly can to take god out it's a conscious thing when they secularize the western world they're taking god out by so doing if you tell people this is an experience that touches your soul the only thing they know about sorry is that a fish it's a dangerous thing that's happening so the first thing is the concept of a happy life is a pain-free life is that the western world has conflated fun and happiness we said that fun is something that's transient it's ephemeral it comes and goes happiness true happiness is something that touches the soul why is it that a person let me back up a sec does anyone in this room know anyone who's that they look up to as successful as great that had a cakewalk they had a silver spoon in their mouth it was it was just it was not a single versitude in their life i've said i've asked this question many times in many places it's never been a yes why is that let me repeat the question is there anyone in this room who if they think of someone who's great or someone who would they that they would look up to that that had a completely seamless life nothing went wrong there was no vicissitudes there was no bumps in the road why is that the rambam says something very interesting the rumba says there's four levels of the concept of pain which we're going to come to in a second we said there's happiness and then there's pain there's four levels according to rambam the most benign level of the concept of pain is mumminous it's financial it's painful if you can't make ends meet or fomo is crazy what's going on in the clouds people are treating yourself as kiddish whatever it's it's something that that people feel the next level up is something that deals with health because that's something that you cannot buy the form of pain with something that touches on health according to the rambam is the next level up the penultimate level of pain that a person can feel is vicarious pain that's a pain that a parent feels for a child so i deal with a lot of kids that are struggling their parents are climbing the walls it's a very painful thing to think you know we did everything right and i don't know where these tattoos came from rabbi so that vicarious pain is a very very painful thing what is according to the rambam the the zenith what is the the quintessential the most heinous pain that we can feel in this world indifference is no pain at all the worst thing that you can possibly do is feel that that you're alone it's perhaps not by chance by the way that apple's very first ad was a faceless person dancing alone it's a very lonely generation out there the way that we know that's true is the nakhash in in the height of of marichon he had everything he had the dust he had his food he never had to look heaven bound and the notion of adoni is the most painful possible thing the gemara says very clearly if you go 30 days in your life without a form of pain it's not a good sign it means that this has been there's a concept of tim toomey who steps back and says you know you you think you're the bee's knees because go live your life i'm outta here it's not a good thing the commodore's concept of pain also is you can put your hand in your pocket and take out a corner but it's not a good thing that you go 30 days of your life how do we bring us back to the beginning of what i said the notion that we supposed to live our lives with complete painless life and everything's supposed to go out that's what hollywood has inculcated into our minds eye when you bench or your daughters on friday night what do you say they should be like who did you do you know what kind of lives they had you benching your kids they had very why don't we say that you should be like jessica or jennifer there it's an ivy league school they're married to a doctor they've got a they've got two places in the citadel they've got something in the waldorf they've got why don't we want to be like jessica because that's not why we're here rabbi say the only way that a person could possibly actualize your potential the only way that you can flex spiritual muscles and ensure that that which lies dormant becomes actualized is if a college brother gives you opportunities where you have to dig deep it's not by chance that the most expensive wines in the world are sourced out of a grape however the salt you've got to crush that grape it's not by chance i'm from south africa the most precious minerals in the world you have to dig deep that's what akali spark has done it's very very dangerous that there is an ad age out there and then hollywood and western culture has inculcated into people's minds eye that what we should strive for is a life without pain we should go hang out in hawaii with pina colada there's no word in the torah for retirement it doesn't exist do you understand what a precipitous deterioration a person has when they think they finally left their cpa practice they hang up their shingle that's kevaldig it's the biggest it's the biggest nightmare that's not why we're in this world so let's go back to the preconceived idea we said that a happy life is a pain-free life is an a concept that the western world has has imparted it's completely erroneous we then started to unpack this uh this myth of a happy life being a pain-free life we looked at the word happiness we said one of the confusions is but the western world has conflated fun and happiness fun is something that also does not exist from a torah perspective we're not saying we don't we say if you're working and you're doing the right thing and you're living a meaningful life so melee you're going to be happy the concept of that happiness is something that's out there is antithetical to torah it's interesting because i was i spent a bunch of college kids and they were saying but rabbi this is what it says the declaration of the preamble of the bill of rights the right the the inalienable right to be the pursuit of life liberty and the that's not a terrible time to get happiness is not exogenous it's not out there you don't pursue happiness it's not in that state or that's that it's in the state of mind and how do you have that state it's living a meaningful purposeful life there's no doubt i've told my wife why did our college broker take some south african miles away i had no idea atlanta representing these bishop goyin these rich and famous and involved in kirov it's such a clear thing because i'm seeing the people the idols these are the people that people put on on on race on mental pieces i know these people these are dysfunctional and happy people every one of them are household names and i speak to these people and we've got in our backyard but we're striving hopefully for happiness and not fun let's go now to the concept of pain we're going to unpack that and then we're going to bring it together before the standing ovation okay the concept of pain is is also something that people have confused what my friends is the opposite of pain some very good so most people say pleasure because that's the way the western world has that's that is the that's a classic example of the decadence of the western world people think that the opposite of pain is pleasure the embassy's the opposite of pain is no pain and that's why we i'm dealing a lot of people here are dealing with thousands of young kids that'll do everything possible to avoid pain because the opposite of pain is pleasure and with its abuse whether whether it's substance abuse whether it's pornography rabbi as long as i don't feel that pain very very dangerous my other similar bonding we're supposed to know that every single person in this room is going to have 10 tests now stephan said if you think through for a second pedagogically you could figure out the 10 tests in your life every one of us is going to have 10 major tests and we're all going to have an arcader and every single one of those tests is meant to take that which is dormant and actualize it and the only way that's going to happen is pain does anyone know how a pearl is is is made so what's the what's the what's the what's the the the animal in the ocean that's the source of it's an oyster so here's what happens with an oyster an oyster if there's between the shell of the oyster and its body if it gets a bit of grit it's very painful it's rubbing so what the oyster does is it descends to the bottom of the ocean it jettisons the shell and there's a certain chemical that exudes that covers this suit whatever it is and it hardens to become a pearl so you can can you imagine at the time of that this little piece of grit which i cursed by who could be at that time the oyster takes a valium or smokes a joint you won't have oysters you don't have pearls in this world the most beautiful things in this world come from and how do we know that because the gomorrah uses as a pedagogical example the birth of a child that is the example that like that that the governor uses the nine months of gestation the la well what comes out of it there's nothing more beautiful than than holding in your hands the next generation that's how we know that the concept of the western world saying do everything you can to neutralize pain why because this fallacious concept that the opposite of pain is pleasure not true and there's also a subtext to this and that that is that the notion that pain is bad my friends pain is not bad from a torah perspective pain is the price that you need to pay for greatness how do we know that one of the most important lessons or most important things that everyone god willing in this room will do is is being a parent is it easy to be a parent it's very very hard is it easy to have a good marriage so the western world has said that love is an emotion the torah doesn't say love is an emotion love is a byproduct of giving the more you give the more you love and i i i had a group recently i spoke at in toms river to a group of parents of special needs children a woman came up to me after such an unbelievable insight she said rabbi i look at my i look at all my kids i know i'm not supposed to have a favorite child you just told us the story of yourself but there's something about this because they three o'clock in the morning the mother is getting up and it's a byproduct of that extra effort and a byproduct that is love so to tell people that pain is bad oh pain is something that is avoiding is going to is taking one of the major premises of what i spoke in this world if a woman came into this room right now and walked across to this podium would you think that's an amazing great feat so what happens if i told you that this woman was born with polio and every step was herculean because the concept is the the the toughest something is it's very interesting when my first year out of law school we represented a certain actor this actor came up with the concept of the underdog of overcoming adversity he pitched a certain studio the studio lost his face it's not a chance people aren't going to watch this thing he went from one studio to another he came to studio number six at this time my client was broke mamash is holding behind the gamak the studio says him we'll buy the script of you for 250 thousand dollars but here's the condition one of our actors is going to play the protagonist you're done we're going to just buy the script from you so he had a very tough decision to make he was completely broke 250 thousand dollars it was say he said he believed and he said not a chance i'm not saying the script unless i play the final studio that he walked into sylvester stallone made the movie rocky rocky's not a movie about boxing it's a heck of tim so the boxing thing is because it's the story of the underdog why do you think it was such an unbelievably famous cult movie because we want to we screen for the underdog why is it that the person who's on bel air that's got 15 units in the in the in the citadel and 16 in it's because people who overcome this unnatural and that's the wiring the college akanesh barrack put into us is the notion that greatness and happiness is something that happens against odds the overcoming vicissitudes and adversity and that's the mathias that's what akaddish baruch put into this world and that's why our matriarchs and our patriarchs all had brutally tough lives because when we bench our kids tonight we're not going to say that you should be like the magna laude princeton every single one of them went through enormous enormous tests and the notion that we should do everything possible to live a life where we completely we neutralize from tranquilizers we that's not why we're in this world in the in the in the the preamble on the serious assaulting we know that one of the reasons why we're in this world is to be omad bani sayin is to overcome things that's the sign of greatness i i i say this with such passion because our clients have got these hundreds of millions of dollars they've got yachts and toys they're miserable people we did a there's a as just someone showed me there's a research that just came out recently of kids of billionaires ridiculous well that are given a trust fund a hundred million dollar trust fund and they've tracked these they track these kids years later at longevity like 20 years later the percentage of juvenile delinquents amongst kids or billionaires is off the charts that's the reason by the way tonight when we when we cut the khala you never hand the khala to somebody you put the color on the table and they take it because you never bread of shame you never give something to because you take away a person's dignity that's one of the reasons why you never give put put halal into a person's hand you put you leave it on the shorthand at the table now grab it there's nothing nothing worse there's nothing more insidious than giving a person a hundred million dollars and so you don't have to work within your life that's not why we're in this world so let's let's let's let's do a little summary where we're holding we said that everyone walked into this room with preconceived ideas i made an audacious comment and i said that some of the preconceived ideas that we harbour are completely erroneous not only are they erroneous they are the reason why millions of kids are suffering from anxiety depression etc i use the example uh in terms of what pop culture has imparted that a happy life is a pain-free life i said that there's nothing further from the truth from a torah perspective how do we know that we started unpacking two key words of a happy life is a pain-free life and that is the word happy we said that pop culture has conflated two terms fun and happiness there is no concept called fun from a torah perspective happiness we know from refursh is to grow is to do something that is that connects with on a shaman that's true happiness fun we said is transient it's ephemeral it's got it's you know you get drunk you vomit you wake up the next day then we looked at pain we said the pain we we said there's two subsections of pain firstly we said that the pop culture has told the valve that pain is bad that's a terrible thing because you've got you've got millions of millennials who are doing everything possible to run away from pain that are neutralizing pain with every form of addiction including social media it's a real addiction the people that we represent help me understand the dopamine what happens to a person when they get liked what happens to a person that live is living their whole life by their responses that's living their life by virtual friends it's the most insane thing because those virtual friends also it's a it's it's it's not real within we're not to say that a very dangerous thing is that the veil today says that the opposite of pain is pleasure decadent the opposite of pain is no pain and then we went on to say the notion of you should strive for a life without pain at all is actually a collar we quoted the the story of the nakhosh of adam and harvard we went to talk about the the rambam's four levels the zenith of the rambam's four levels of pain is indifference having no pain at all and the pedagogical example of that is the nakhash is the snake we then within i then asked the question and i said if you think of people that are great in your life and that you really feel have achieved something has it been easy for them you'll find that that that is part of the the journey of greatness a part of the people that we look up to are all people who've overcome tremendous life facilities as a sidebar i use an example of how is it this is an intelligent audience this is a how is that we that we actually hobby we believe these things because there's hundreds and hundreds of billions of dollars being pumped into the economy from self-serving industries using strategies like the illusory truth effect i gave the example of saying the word silk seven times and everyone blurted out milk this is a there's a smart because this is what happens it's very insidious that our clients say nourish kite and people believe it and they and unfortunately i just got back from earth israel literally a few hours ago we met with the prime minister with the president with everything that's going on in israel with the whole the case it was painful to see these are the top echelons of the israeli society are believing things that are completely not true and it's based on the same they get repeated that the hatred that they have for the haredi is it's unbelievable they get brought up from the time they are little toddlers these people are they are they they don't go to the army they snore it and it's an unbelievable thing to break down we then went on to say why is it so bad and then i will i want to stop on time and take some questions here's why it's bad because here's what's happened not once not twice but hundreds of times in my life we teach discovery we teach a number of seminars and usually at some point i'll see that the light goes on there's a pencil a year and it's very clear when when someone's starting to connect and after a while i've done this hundreds of times reach out to to someone and say you know moshe you obviously are not are you working to live are you living to work so not normal person says we are we're we're we're working so we're living we're living to work we're not here to work if we're not living to work then we're working to what's life about when you when you when you take that and you want to pivot them and say okay if you really want to figure out what life's about if you don't want to ascend up the ladder and look back at your life and it's leaning against the wrong wall if you're not going to be sam walton who's the founder of walmart who is a multi multi one of the richest people in the world and by the way anything i say i check with snoop shmoops everything i say i know them pesach told me my early my career never ever say anything that you haven't checked so this is this is 100 true what is the last words out of sam walton's mouth i blew it he was dying he looked he looked he looks across the room and his estranged wife and his kids they wouldn't speak to him he blew it he blew the whole purpose of life so we are sitting here and here's what happens often when i speak to these kids and say you know take some time off go to yeshiva go to semi take a few months figure out what life's about because the western world has told you something which is completely antithetical to the western world said you live and learn we don't believe in you live and learn we believe you learn and then you go out and live because life's a gps and we all know the very final destination we all know that we're going to end up in the clever kadesha how do you make sure that you recalculate less how do you make sure that you're not like our clients go through seven marriages to figure it out how do you know that you don't have to because if you learn and you've got and you understand that we have we have the instructions for living a college book it's not a game he's given us the instructions and more than that it's an open book exam in the next world he said these are the questions so here's what people say you know rabbi you sound amazing you're very passionate funny accent but you understand you understand rabbi i've got a storm i've got a storm in my life i've got to figure out how am i i first have to get into a relationship so i have to build rabbi you don't understand i got a storm i first have to get out of this marriage which is toxic rabbi you understand i first have to have kids rabbi you understand i first wait till the kids are out so i'm here to tell you my friends there's nothing else that you can learn in project inspire before shabbos that we are not in this world the notion that you are gonna wait till the storm subsides is an optical illusion you will you're not gonna wake up on sunday and have an extra two million dollars in the bank and there's complete bliss in your marriage and your kids are sitting in the corner and reciting to him that's an optical illusion why because we're not in this world we are not in this world to wait till the storm substitutes subside we're here to dance in the rain and those are the successful people and that's what part of project inspired is going to be about is to take the to take the stumbling blocks and make them into stepping stones is to make sure that you don't become a victim but become a victor is to know that there's every single person that walked into this room and into project inspire has a peckle i've done this for a long time i've never ever ever stood in front of a group and i said is there anyone out there that doesn't have any pain in their life there's no pickle it's all no one has ever stood up proved positive that's the matias and people have got whiplash looking around saying rabbi if i had his wife and his bank account don't count his wife and don't count his back count your blessings because there's 8.7 billion people in this world and out of those eight point seven billion zero point two percent of the chosen people and out of the zero point two percent at best ten percent are taking time to come to for shabbos in the snowy connecticut uh whatever do you understand that every person in this room look what i say is very clear good morning sun here is you are the diamonds in this room akash balco is betting on every single one of you that you have been given the torch to carry for the next generation and i can tell you it's it's kind of sparkle's sense of humor that i that we represent the biggest names in pop culture i think one of the reasons why i put me is so i can say from first-hand experience if the you striving to be these michigan sitting with them and they they they're saying that they're waiting to get a phone call that one of their kids is in rehab again when it's a horrible life everything that you need for your happiness you've got have you ever seen a doctor look at a look at the a person's bag next to him who's a who's a whatever a carpenter and look for a stethoscope have you ever seen a person who's a who is a plumber looking into the person's doctor's battling for a stethoscope everything that you need you've got if you if you're not on the forbes list that's not what you need akash balco has created and given us a beautiful symphony orchestra every single one of us plays a unique instrument and together it's a very unique sound that we bring to the world it's a dark world out there and coach baraku is really betting on each and every one of you as we start shabbos and project inspire to bring light to a dark world and to hopefully bring a bit of warmth into a very cold world i wish you a wonderful shabbos welcome to project inspired i'll take any questions for about two minutes and welcome thank you [Applause] all right so you spoke about it yeah let's say you have a child one second we've got how many what time's the next speaker three okay we'll take one two questions right how do you break through how do you break through people who are indifferent oh it's a great question okay okay so the question was how do i get an accent lucky wasn't that the question no question was it's a very good question okay it's a beautiful question by the way it's a magnificent question how do you rather how do you break through that people who are indifferent in yiddish guide now i i've been in this field for a long time does indifferent mean ffh from from habit or which is one part of the clay star or is it someone that he or she is struggling so much that they won't come to the sharpest table that they've gone the other way okay i deal with this a lot okay i want to just give you some basic rules the worst thing that you can possibly do to any child who and i hate this concept or maybe i should this is a recording okay this is a little bit i don't think this should go on f on record i hate the concept of the derrick because that's already starting with feel if you don't feed the the shama it's going to have that it's going to have that emptiness and they're going to come back home i've seen this hundreds and hundreds of times the kids that everyone was miage so the concept of indifference is temporary in kim martin in almost every single case i'll take one more question and i think we i don't want to take over the uh wise class so why am i speaking here anymore what time oh okay so is it what any more thoughts i'm going to be around speaking tomorrow okay so another great question this is an amazing class can i paraphrase a question do you think let me ask you guys because this will be i'm writing a book which is coming out i think hopefully okay it's a great question can i can i add a corollary just a writer do you think people are born happy and natural what's the natural proclivity of of a human being okay i've had this discussion with a lot of people my late mom was a shrink i'm surrounded by my whole family shrink so do you think that people are generally have a positive are we predisposed to be happy or not we are a hundred percent when a baby falls down do you ever see a toddler fall down and say where's the prozac that's it they get brought up back they bounce back up that's what we learn from babies right so the natural proclivity of we happy people so your question was just if i understand if a person is not naturally happy what's the end of the question how would you try to change this okay so how would you try and change that okay very good so i live in a city where people spend money they don't have to buy things they don't need to impress people they don't like that's los angeles again spend money they don't have to buy things that i need to that's what's seeped into cloudy stroll i said this at a good convention i can get away with it because i i'm not that's what's happened now to to the jewish people kaiser park has given us more money it's beautiful it's people learning but everyone's outreaching each other do you think that's making people happy they're all i deal with these guys i'd deal with these guys that i was got 10 million dollars and say rabbi but there's a guy out there who's got a private jet that's where chloe's holding okay so the first three things is is is gratitude what does a jew do every single day when you wake up in the morning right but there's the last two words on my dear knee are rabbi and munna i have faith in you the creator of the world has believed in you the only reason why you woke up this morning is because you have a reason to be in this world so first thing is perspective secondly is gratitude gratitude there is i've done this with many people if you get a person to stay for 30 days there's a reason why 30 days for 30 days every single day except sharpest write down three things that you can be grateful for i guarantee you and i'm saying that with circumspection because i guarantee you that the paradigm will shift after 30 days it changes neurologically i mean these are neuroplastics the way if you change the way you look at things the things you look at change so that number one is your perspective number two is i tell people if you can haza for 10 minutes a day in the habits of sharpie talk on know that you to be making somebody else is is clearer they got that i want that shaytan you don't need that so this first is perspective is gratitude and also you know sometimes i've taken kids to i've taken kids with they've got everything i've taken kids for for half a day to to go to hospital and volunteer to give right when you emotions come from motion when you when you emote you you change if you're not happy and you know it you still clap your hands if you i always have like simplice toyota yep there's always one guy in the corner saying rabbi i'm not going in listen you don't understand i just lost my business yes the way it works is you dance and so the side the byproduct of motion is the emotion it's a very very it's a very tough three things again are perspective is gratitude um and and moving you got to keep moving the natural depressed person is a person who doesn't ambulate a person and what happens is they start focusing on everything is focused inward if you i've done this with lots of people when i was in yeshiva the roshi shiva used to say when a guy was didn't feel well we used to bring into the basement and we stopped moving the bummer just to the left he forgot that he was depressed it's that's the torah said very clearly that if what do you think when you go out into blue sky and you go for a walk it changes you i said the reason why one of the antidotes to depression is you go out and go for a walk why do you feel better afterwards there's something to be said it's not only just the the endorphins emotions come from motion so the opposite is when you when you're sitting there like you're sitting in the bed and you do nothing your thoughts are going to be you've got to get it's called very dangerous and that's where there's people that understand that the eight sahara is an iteration of the malacha mothers the yate zahara is an iteration of the malacha of the angel of death he wants to kill you all the the answer is there's a contrast called the seven things of the yeats of her if he gets you to have atverse if he gets you to be depressed he's got you if he gets you to be depressed and one way to get you depressed is if you a victim why me you're done and it's a very very it's a very very vicious cycle because then you start doing things that you have karate for and he stopped beating you up and then i'm a schmendrick and then rabbi i'm jumping off it that's it that's that's exactly what the aids order does so you to counter that motion yourself talk you also have to ask australia about pluskin once at a gooda convention what's the best book that he ever wrote and he said his book on self-talk that's what what you tell yourself is extremely powerful but if you say if you hear the word i or desta talks about this difference is saying i or you if it's the you it's usually come from not a good place i usually say yes to top and if it makes sense okay guys i'm uh thank you for your time