Pre-Yom Kippur Women's Class: Doing Teshuvah Because You LOVE Yourself

Good morning everybody. Welcome. Let's begin with a peric of tahillim for all of our brothers and sisters and especially in the holy land init and all of the soldiers all of the hostages all of the wounded all of the berieved families and all of klis. So let's say we'll say that's 124 124 And the next is 125. And since it's we always add during the dvening So we'll do also which is 130 130 Fore! Foreign! Foreign! M no. So welcome everybody for our uh first class together of a new year toughen pav 5786 and I want to extend my blessing to each and every one of you for and may this year be yet your most amazing successful blessed year and uh a year full of in your personal lives family lives for you for all your loved ones for all of our people a of with abundance of health, happiness, prosperity, serenity, tranquility, and Hashem should fulfill all of your heart's desires with go. If you're taking it all in, yeah. >> Okay. Good. >> Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. It's the main part of the class. Everything else is just the icing on the cake. And it should be a year in which each of us truly be able to connect could really connect to our innermost light and radiate it to everybody around us and a year of ultimate victory and of true redemption. Inner redemption and collective redemption. Amen. >> And thank you for this of being Amen. Thank you. Thank you. And thank you. And thank you to Hashem. And thank you to all of you for the privilege of uh be able to learn together and grow together and uh saturate our lives with a deeper experience of a hashem and hashem and a is which as the bos said are all one. So thank you for that uh that privilege and that opportunity week after week. So I just want to announce about the next class. Next week obviously is we're going into sukus and then is uh but hashem the week afterwards we will meet and learn which is the 21st of October. So uh we're going to take be taking a sukus break and uh then we will meet basmam the next Tuesday after yamtiff which is the 29th of tish the 21st of October and I guess parasyak. Yes. Okay. And please tell your family or friends who may attend. Today's class is dedicated by none other than a very dear friend. The first class is dedicated in loving memory of a dear friend of mine who I also had the privilege of staying at his home in Florida more than once. Rabbak Mendel Ben Rebel Khan Goran in honor of his 60 art site dedicated by his wife Helga and the Andran and Benm families. Rib Mendi was one of the pillars of the Jewish community in Florida and a very very special dedicated Jew and this year they commemorate his sixth art site. So I want to dedicate this class to him and may his soul continue to be a source of love and inspiration and empowerment and uh confidence and blessings for his wife and for all of the children and grandchildren and the whole family with all the blessings and thank you so so much. Amen. And today's class is also dedicated in honor of Yeshua Hakayen ben Shalamus Aviva in honor of his 35th birthday. May this year bring a blessing, health, and joy and happy birthday. I also want to dedicate this class for a special complete and speedy recovery to Miriam Bas Bluma. May she have a rama and a complete and speedy recovery. I know you may be watching or later. So on behalf of the entire class uh we want to wish you and a speedy and swift and complete recovery. Amen. There's I get emails every single year at this time of the year. a lot of emails and uh one of the main themes that people write about or talk about at different classes or zooms just yesterday I did a few zooms with different groups and uh one of the big questions or dilemmas that people have is it's very difficult for them emotionally to go into this time of the year with an open heart. There's a lot of guilt and a lot of shame and a lot of dread and a lot of uh feelings of negativity. Some are even afraid to talk about it because they're going to be punished. So it just sits in their heart and you know when you don't talk about something the says the say when there's anxiety in the heart it's important to talk about it because when you share it you know you can get feedback you can release it. But sometimes when you're afraid even to talk about it doesn't go away. It just goes deeper. You know what we resist persists. So it becomes very very difficult for people. And then when they do talk about it sometimes the feedback is also very judgmental. And uh one of the great uh challenges I see that many people have is that the whole idea of chuvo repentance and and days of judgment and introspection and and uh the future of the year is decided and all these themes it really creates a very heavy heavy load on a lot of people emotionally to the point that like get me out of this place but that itself I can't say because I'm afraid of that. So I'm like in with one one one part of my heart and out with another part of the heart. And I think that uh we live in a time before gula where Hashem is inviting all of us to step into a much deeper relationship and uh we have the gift of that today. We have the opportunity for that and that's really what we want to learn today to be able to see chuva the whole experience of chuva which is the highlight of these days the 10 days of chuva from rishashana and the grand finale on yam kipper to really be able to appreciate and internalize it in a far more authentic and deeper way and also in a joyous way. Um we often confuse in life we often um attribute um we connect intensity and seriousness with heaviness but that's not the tr that's not the that's not the case. uh a relationship say between parents and children or between a husband and a wife or between people who are very very close with each other is an intense relationship but it's a joyous relationship or let's hope it's a joyous relationship. Intensity doesn't mean sadness, melancholy, heaviness. Intensity just means a lot of power, a lot of energy, a lot of potentiality. Obviously, sometimes intensity is filled with anxiety, but something that is very serious and powerful is sometimes the happiest things. I would say the happiest things in life are pretty serious and powerful. That's what makes them so deep. And uh that's important cuz when we could appreciate that, we can appreciate that sometimes something that's very serious and intense, it's actually so serious and intense because it's so powerful, because it's so beautiful, because it's so transforming, because it's so amazing. So let's begin on a little journey. I'm going to ask Hashem to allow me to be a channel. you know my word to be able to be a channel for uh for the for the for the plymus for the depth of what chuva is of what is of what vases and especially especially this time of the year you know is there another source sheet cuz by the tone oh I have I have okay this is the tone okay the source sheets are always posted on the yeshiva.net net if you ever want to retrieve it then they also have there the class live and replay it says in zara a statement this is what we're going to learn about the zar says that there's two levels of chuva there's chuva tat and chuva chuva tat the word tat is Aramaic it means like you say somebody lives on the bottom floor somebody lives on the top floor tat means the lower level like elon is the higher level in Aramaic you have in of if you remember when there's two pieces of meat right who heats up which one if one is cold one is hot one is if one is kosher do you say the one on the top prevails or the one on the bottom prevails tat is the bottom like and is on the higher so the zy says there's literally two layers of chuva there's truva tat which is like the basic level and then there's tru which is the higher level of chuva that's what the zah says now What does this mean? What does this mean? I mean, it's nice to say what does it mean? So, let's see. Let's see the explanation for this at least one of the dimensions and then we're going to get deeper into understanding these two these two concepts. When we say it's not like I go to the first floor and then from the first floor I go to the second floor, right? We're not talking about two physical floors. We're talking here two dimensions that coexist because it's talking about the spiritual idea. So it's not like it's either this or either this. It's two dimensions of the same experience. One is the outer layer or the basic layer and one is the deeper layer which means the higher layer which means the deeper aspect of chuva. So they both coexist and one really can't exist without the other. The question only is which one is spoken about more? Which one is focused on more? So often we speak a lot about chuva tata. We'll soon see why. Yet it's impossible to really appreciate chuva tata if we don't understand and experience and internalize chuva. So what are we talking about here? What does it mean? Two different levels of chuva. One level of chuva is what's called the classic definition of what repentance is. And it usually includes three things. One is remorse. The second is confession. And the third is resolution for the future in the language of which means I regret the past which means I make a resolution for the future and something called which is saying I'm sorry. So let's say in human relationships if I hurt somebody maybe I sent a text that was very insensitive and hurtful and uh I feel bad about it and I want to apologize to them. What are the three steps? The first is I regret it. I realize I made a mistake. I was impulsive. I lost myself. I was stressful. I was overwhelmed. I was tired. I was hungry. Whatever. I didn't sleep for two nights. You know how it is. The cleaning lady didn't come, etc., etc. Boom. I sent a text. I regret it. I really regret it. I feel bad. I regret it. Okay, that's beautiful. That's step number one. If I feel good about what I did, okay, I really regret it. It was a mistake. I realized it was a weak moment. I surrendered. I fell prey to a weak moment which is part of the human condition. And now I have remorse. That's called karat. That's number one. Number two is what about the future? Am I going to do it again tomorrow? I want to learn my lesson. I want to say, okay, when you're tired and you're starving, don't send texts. Put away your phone. If you don't have something nice to say, don't say it. If I'm very very angry and overwhelmed, I need some downtime. I need to take a nap. I need to go to khaki at park. I need to do some exercise. I need a hike. I need to drink a nice coffee or I need another couple of hours of sleep. And then I'll send my text. So, it's a lesson for the future. It's a lesson for the future. That's number two. And then there's number three, which is actually saying I'm sorry. That's called vid confession. I tell the person or I text today. You have to text. You're not allowed to tell anybody anything. So I but I think it's better to tell I'm sorry. I am sorry. I apologize. That's called vid. This is true between people and people. It's true. And that's the basic level of truth. Which means what I'm focusing on is the mistake. That's the point. I'm focusing on the mistake. I'm focusing on the error. I'm learning a lesson from it. I'm seeing how I could actually become a better person. The lessons learned. And then as we know chuva actually brings a person sometimes to greater heights than they were before because the lessons that are learned become so much deeper entrenched. A person grows from it. A person a person develops from it. A person develops both humility and growth. That's what is chuva is really the underlying it's this is called the bottom and this is called the top. But really in spirituality when something is on the top it really means it's the foundation. what means it's on the top meaning it's actually more reflective of the source so it's actually the prerequisite and the foundation so let's see this inside it'll be a little helpful and we're going to discuss this on a few levels okay so the source of this is you could see the first source test this was a talk that was given by the shabas before that's 1959 this is a transcript it's before my days but it's a transcript of people that were here. We know has two states, two levels. The lower level, the higher level. Now, usually you would think according to the order of things you go from lower to higher. So you start with and then you could go to chuva >> huh the first the first source this first source what's what what what you have the source >> yeah you seem nom however but there's another path and he refers it to a very well-known statement by the marash who said the world says if you can't go under then you go higher but I say go higher so there's another path where you right away go higher you right away start with what does this mean you see the second the second part what's the difference has an element of mirus Mirus means a sense of remorse, a sense of pain. There's a sense of anguish, a sense of frustration. Doesn't mean you're a bitter person. Just means it's painful. I I I I feel bad. A person contemplates their state that they may be feeling or experiencing or are distant from divine truth. The the says the says, It's negative. It's bitter to abandon Hashem. And when the person feels that remorse, it catapults them. It motivates them. I want to return. So, it's like if I'm in I get into a fight or between somebody I'm close with and I care for the relationship and there's a certain estrangement and it bothers me. There's a void. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I'm very upset. That's called mirus. There's a sense of frustration. There's a sense of arangement. That's painful. And therefore, I'm motivated to make up, to reconcile, right? It's very painful. I don't have to elaborate on it. For example, you have a husband and a wife. When there's a rupture in the relationship and there's a lack of trust, I mean, I don't have to elaborate on this. Anybody who's married and has a decent marriage knows this. It's very, very difficult. And sometimes it goes on for a day, two days, three days. The rupture is not the destination. But if it becomes a motivation to be able to bring us together then actually there's very very deep growth here. So that's the idea of chuvat and there's a sense of pain and it's the pain that catapults us that motivates us that inspires us to come back. That's the deeper level of is always with absolute joy. Why? The person focuses on the greatness and the infinity, the truth, the oneness of Hashem. And in the greatness, the depth of a person's soul, which is a piece of Hashem, a piece of Hashem. And even if a person deviated and sinned and made the biggest mistakes, the soul's true essence could never be compromised. It could never be blemished. It remains, that's an expression from the migill about Esther. She remains from the word amuna, loyal, faithful, dedicated. And then when the person is aware of their true situation to understand who I really am in my pristine place, what is my true potential and where I am in actuality? Then you're aroused with real self-compassion. There is compassion here. compassion on who I really really am and yet who I think I am or what became of me. Why do I feel I have to be entrenched in this state knowing who I truly am? Let's give a metaphor. somebody has in their bank account or in their uh pillowcases like the old Russians thousands and thousands and thousands of which means gold coins they're basically wealthy and affluent but instead of using this I become a beggar going from door to door please give me a copper penny All I can have is tremendous compassion. Tremendous compassion that I don't know who I am. I think I'm homeless. I think I'm a beggar and I'm begging you for a penny, another penny, another penny. And best I get is something from copper. And the truth is I have in my closet. I have in my safe. I have in my bank account myriads and myriads and myriads of golden coins. When one truly internalizes this, it helps the person dedicate themselves to their true spiritual energy. The demand today is that a person's you should begin with not with that the person shouldn't focus on the negativity of where they are but should focus on the greatness of their soul and this creates the deepest inspiration and arousal for the person to dedicate themselves. to their alignment with Hashem. So what what what are we learning here when the zy says there's two states of chuva? One is focusing on the mistakes I made, the errors, the transgressions, the various the sins, whatever it may be again between a person, a person, between a person and Hashem. That's but what we're learning here is that the baseline is tru means that at the essence of is that you are amazing and that never ever gets diluted that cannot get compromised even if I try even if I made big mistakes so it's like literally a person who thinks that they are so poor and therefore I need to go to the garbage and look for the leftover garbage that was thrown in in order for to have a meal. I don't have access to my richness, to my wealth. What would that mean psychologically and spiritually? That a person is not aware, they're not in touch with their inner richness, with their power, with their glory, with their greatness. And as a result of that I create all these different types of survival skills or coping coping mechanisms behaviors that I resort to only because I do not know my inner richness. So tru law is can you focus on what is good about you can you see your essence can I see it now sometimes a person says no I am completely messed up and what we're learning here is don't start with if you don't fix that there comes a time in history that is saying you need to start with you need to first be able to have a baseline of your positivity your beauty your glory your greatness to be able to see that despite everything in the deepest deepest truth I am spiritually wealthy. You'll say no not me. You don't realize you don't realize how shameful I am, how guilty I am. You don't realize how many mistakes I am. You don't realize the situations I'm in. You do not realize this. No, no, we do realize it. We realize it all. The approach though is when I could begin with that foundation of my inner infinite goodness. Then I could say, "So I don't need this behavior." Of course, I want to dismiss it. If I think I only have one shirt and that shirt is filthy and dirty and smells and stinks, so that's what I wear. When a person realizes what they have and who they have, then I don't want to wear this dirty shirt. I don't need it anymore. I really don't need it. I can I can dismiss it from my life. So that chuv brings to chau. So that's step number one which is essential when it comes to this process of chuva that the baseline always is you're good you're beautiful you're amazing you're astounding you're mish it's not a cliche you are a derivative of infinite consciousness you're a piece of hashem you're the light of hashem in this world can I lean into that can I experience that at least a little bit you say yeah but you know what I did yesterday and what I did last and I made the stupidest mistakes and this is wrong and that's wrong. And those of us who are sensitive and uh what are they called? Uh I wanted to say UPS. Uh highly sensitive people. What are they called? Uh >> HSP. Highly sensitive people. And if you're coming to this class, there's probably a nice percentage of HSPs here, right? So really things become really magnified and and then we put up magnifying glass on our mistakes and this happened and that happened and then you come in and you start with al and we have our own lists of ashamn but god news and everything is blown up with very very big magnifying glass and suddenly the person is experiencing a lot of lot of negativity and a lot of shame. So the Reb is saying here already in the 1950s he understood this generation that in this generation you must begin with not with you begin with the is far more powerful far more authentic and it's also far deeper you know I said yesterday on a zoom I I once saw a line don't go to the gym because you hate your body go to the gym because you love your body so now I'm going to do a Rabbi Ywa Don't do chuva because you hate yourself. Do chuva because you love yourself. That's the difference. It's a different type of chuva. When I do chuva because I hate myself, I'm just trying to avoid guilt. And the truth is it's not even such real chuva because I'm just trying to get rid of this terrible negative thing about me. When I do chuva because I love myself. It's the ultimate selfrespect. It's like I don't have to scramble for another copper penny, another copper penny, another copper penny. I'm not dependent. I'm not a beggar. I don't need to be able to get the approval and validation. So you give me a penny, you give me a penny, you give me a penny. I can recognize the true spiritual energy that animates me, the mamish that is my core, that is my essence, and then I want to manifest it fully. So, of course, if I'm in relationships that are toxic, out if I have conversations that don't reflect my divinity, why would I want to have these conversations? If I'm desperate and I don't have anything to eat, I have nothing to drink. Yeah. So, I'll find anything. And if it's garbage, I'll eat garbage. But when there's so much richness in my life spiritually and emotionally, I don't need to eat garbage. I don't need it. I can let it go. So automatically from it trickles down into my thoughts, my behaviors, my words, my conversations, my relationships, my schedule. And then I see this is toxic in my life. It's out. This is not productive. This is destructive. This is ridiculous. This is just external. This is fake. This relationship is is is not helping anybody. This conversation is really such it's dumbing it's dumbing myself down. Why would I dumb myself down and spend time in an orbit or in an environment where the worst version of myself is coming out for what? To please somebody to get validation from somebody. It's like if I'm watching this juicy conversation and I feel like I need to be part of this click so they're talking about other people and I'll join the conversation because I have no self-respect. If I have real self-respect, I don't I don't I really don't need this. like why should I dumb down my soul and my presence and my personality let me elevate them to where I am I'm not going to I don't have to stoop down to this level but for this you need very deep selfrespect if I need everybody to validate me and if I'm not part of this conversation which is maybe slanderous I'm going to be feel like a nerd and a schlamazle and a shaita so then yeah so that's what people often do they they lose their identity so means that's the baseline that's what I need to begin with who am I and that's what we do in the morning As we're going to see in a moment, we don't start off, oh, I woke up. What a miserable person I am. That's not how you wake up. You wake up with gratitude. Wow, you have given me another day with my soul. Great is your trust in me. You put a piece of yourself inside of me. Wow, you trust. You really know how to delegate, God. Not bad. We delegate jobs to people. Nobody takes their own essence and puts it in somebody else and says go run. But that's what Hashem does. He takes a kamish divinity puts it in you and says go take it run me. You know who I am. Of course I know who you are. That's where I created you. I didn't get the wrong address. I was coming to you. Oh okay. That's a foundation. That's called you right away go to your highest point the best version of self. Now I may not always feel it. I may be overwhelmed. I may be anxious. I may feel other parts. I may have darkness coming up. That's also that then that's important to acknowledge. But then I want to make sure that my chuva tat is coming from that place. Now how do you know when you're doing chuva from this place or from that place? So here is here is the litmus test and that is how much internal joy there is how much internal regulation is always with you know I'll tell you you can have two feelings in your in in in in yourself I I was speaking to a a mentor of mine a few days ago and I asked about this because I was feeling that I need to apologize to somebody but there was something bothering me about it And that is that it was incessant. It was a lot of guilt. It was with a lot of shame. And it was like it was very negative. It did not feel it not feel good. So I asked this person, "How do you distinguish between different invitations inside of your system to go fix something?" And this person shared something very, very powerful with me. And I think it's exactly the point that we're learning here. And that is when it's coming from your divine soul. When it's coming from the mal in you, there's a sweetness to it. It's almost like a gentle invitation. You're a beautiful person. Of course, you should say I'm sorry. You're a wonderful person. Of course, this is something you should clean up. I have a wearing a nice shirt and a nice tie. If there's a stain, yeah, I should clean the stain. I should give it to the cleaners. Of course. Why should I go out with a dirty suit and with a dirty tie and with a dirty shirt? Yeah, it's a gentle invitation. It's almost like a a friend reach calls you and says, you know, I'm going a beautiful hike. We're going through this this most beautiful place. You have a few hours. Let's hang out together. It's a gentle invitation. The other way is it's not a gentle invitation. It's like you're so sick. There's something so horrible about you. It's not a gentle invitation. It's trying to keep you trapped in a template of guilt and shame. This has nothing to do with chuva. This has all to do with a that's trying literally to snuff the energy to to deplete you from your spirit. And that's why there's no sim over there. It's a lot of lot of stress and a lot of anxiety. And how do you see it? You see it because it never ends. I have this issue that every year before Yam Kipper my brain as ice stories from 30 40 years ago of people I have to apologize to. It's interesting a whole year I don't think about it. Suddenly before Kipper and there's people I apologize to in previous years. So now it finds some new person and then for the next few hours there's like nothing else going on in the world besides this guilt that I have. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Instead of a gentle invitation, it's almost like for you to experience yam kiper with bliss and joy. God forbid bring us to think that we're so perfect that everything's good. Complacency >> when you when you have chuva, there's no complacency at all. It's much deeper chuva because it's chuva that's not limited to the sense of guilt. It's chuva that comes from a deep deep gentle calling inside of you of how powerful you are. And then you want to live it. You want to manifest it. The truth is much deeper. It's more authentic and it's real. And the greatest thing is it's not driven from shame. It's driven from self-love, from inner respect. So it's a whole it's a whole different experience. And what's the proof of this? The proof of this is if this little monster was really trying to help me, why doesn't he first begin with a few compliments? Why doesn't he tell your brain, first of all, I want to acknowledge A, B, C, D, E, F, G, Yeah, right. A, you're awesome. B, you're beautiful. Uh, you know the joke. Yeah. See, what? You're c all the good things. And by the way, there's something you have to fix. Okay, good. They never do that. The little monster doesn't do that. It's like zooms in on this and it's it there. It there is. That means it's feeding an inner template which is wounded and for some reason makes so many people feel that as long as they remain in that orbit, crushed, emotionally downtrodden, filled with inner negativity about themselves, somehow they'll be more responsible or more vigilant or more religious or more faithful. And that's why it's so important to be able to call out the devil for being the devil and call out the darkness for being the darkness and say this is not even this is a pure that wants to keep me away from any growth. And that's why is really the baseline of everything because you're focusing not on what's wrong with you but on what's right with you. I'm doing chuva not from self-hate but from self-love. I'm first experiencing that there's a core in me that is not dirty, that is not filthy, that is absolutely divine, gorgeous, holistic, perfect, impeccable, full of confidence and joy and holiness and oneness. And now from there I realize so now this does I don't need in my life and this I don't need in my life and this I want to apologize for and this I want to dismiss and this is going out of my schedule and this is going out of my phone etc. every person according to their own capacity. Now in order to appreciate this on a little bit on a deeper level what this really means let's go into the next step to be able to distinguish between two these two elements of chuva. So in conclusion how do you know how to distinguish it in your own mind? One comes with a gentle invitation and one comes with a very negative almost sickening feeling. One is filled with joy and expansiveness and regulation and one is filled with guilt and darkness and shame. One will never acknowledge all the good things about your life and will only show you all the negative things in your life and one is all based on the goodness of your life. And therefore chuva tat which is actually focusing on the mistake when it's preceded by the foundation of chuva is so much more powerful and almost also so much more eternal because I'm not distracting. I'm not trying to avoid a negative feeling. I'm actually pursuing my innermost energy. Whenever we do something to distract from the negative feeling it's very limited. And if a piece of cake can distract me, I'll do the piece of cake instead of chuva. But when it's coming because I'm pursuing my energy, then it's real. It's authentic. >> I was just trying to say that many times I feel good about myself and everything's fine and then I'm fine. >> I want you to ask yourself really honestly when you're feeling good about yourself, is your behavior towards the people you care about more noble and more loving or less? >> More. >> Okay. Thank you. I rest my case. So here we have a Jewish woman who's hard on herself. Admit that when she feels good about herself, her behavior is more loving, more noble, more holy, more divine. You're not the only one, Rabbitson. It's true about every person sitting in this room. If anybody disagrees, you can share. It's fine. But be honest with yourself when you're feeling bad about yourself. I'm such a bad mother. I failed my children. I failed God. I failed everybody. I don't know nothing. I am so stupid. I'm so weird. Whatever. This one doesn't really like me. They like me only because of this and this one certainly doesn't like me. Whatever it is, everybody in their own way. At that moment, when you show up for the people around you, do you show up with more love? No. We show up with more guilt and more negativity and more shame. When people feel good about themselves, we're so afraid that if people feel good about themselves, they're going to become like frivolous, right? Thugs and thieves, break the law, steal from the banks, run away from your families to New Zealand for like 25 years, and become the greatest pirate oil in the world. Like, oh my god, you're going to make people feel good about themselves. This is because we don't trust anybody. We don't trust ourselves. True law means you need to learn to trust yourself. You're not a monster. You're not evil. You're a piece of Hashem. It's true. It's not a cliche. We have a generation people are frightened of trusting themselves. And trusting your kids, oh my god, you're going to trust these kids. The truth is if you don't trust yourself, you can't trust anybody. We don't trust anybody. All we teach we sometimes not all but sometimes we teach people how guilty they are how shameful they are how bad they are everybody is like okay so tell me what to do tell me what to do tell me what to do there's people they call they want dyra about everything the deepest das is sometimes your soul that's when you need to ask you need to ask but this essential sense of paralysis like everybody is stupid and ignorant it's it's it It feeds such negativity in people and really deprivives people from their energy. It's really the opposite. Of course, there could be neg of course we have negativity to deal with. But the greatest way to deal with it is by focusing on your real energy, your authentic energy. When you actually feel good about yourself, it's not arrogance. It's actually respect to Hashem. It's respecting that God. There's I have a friend, he lives in Port Washington. He's a rabbi in Port Washington. his name by Shalom Maiel. So he told me that uh you know in the good old days you remember when we used to part of life was you had to visit the post office once in a while right so post office is one of these places where you don't go there to get into a good mood. It's like the department of motor vehicles, social security office, airports, these are not places for mindfulness and meditation and and serenity. Everybody's in a bad mood. Everybody hates their job and they let you know how much they're feeling agitated about their life. And he said he would go to the post office and there was this African-American woman who was sitting there on the desk and she was always happy and everybody who came in there was this warm good morning and how are you and how's your family and she'd make a joke and it was really contrary to the ambiance of post office. You know everybody is and these are the days before the telephone. So you couldn't even distract yourself with your telephone. So, you actually have to talk to the person near you who's in a worse mood than you, right? Good morning. What do you want? Right? And uh I remember I was once in a social security office and the line was ours and there was like an 85year-old woman in front of me and everybody was standing. So, I went over I went inside. I took a chair and I brought it so she could sit down. So, the policeman comes and he takes away the chair. I say, "What do you care? It's another hour or two. What do you care if the He says, "It's against the law." I'm like, "What's against the law?" I took a chair. We'll finish. will put it back. Look at this elderly woman, elderly woman, she's struggling. Sorry, I'm doing my job. So, I told him, calling it your job doesn't make it right or normal. Okay? So, you have these displaces, right? Pal told me, he went over to this African-American woman and he says, "I have to ask you, what's your secret? What's your secret? How are you in such a jolly mood in this faka depressing place?" He probably didn't use the word So she smiled and she said, "I want to show you this plaque that I have on my desk a whole day. It's right in front of me." And she turns it around and she reads it to him. Okay. God, she says, "God made me and God know make no junk." [Laughter] And then I understood there's a pussimi hashemd God made me and God no make no junk in the unique African-American uh passion and pronunciation which as an Ashkanazi I'm not so good at right that's the idea that's what self-respect means self-respect means God made me and God no make no junk the Gmorra tells a story in Shrek Tinus page 20 that rebel the son of Rashiman was one of the greatest sages was coming home from the bish from learning. He was going back to to his hometown and he was on a donkey on the road and somebody passed by and the man saw was one of the great sages and he says shalomi shalom my teacher myb and looked at him and said wow you are so ugly are all the people in your city so ugly so he says these words go to the craftsman who made me, who crafted me, who molded me, and tell him, "Your vessel is so ugly." And he realized that he made a mistake and he apologized and he said, "I'm not going to forgive you until you go to my craftsman and tell him what an ugly grotesque vessel he designed." And uh when they came to town, people came out to greet Shiman. And this man said, "Who are they greeting?" And they said, "This man," he said, "Oh my god, if he's your leader, I hope we don't have so many leaders like him." What happened? He told the story. So they said, "You should forgive him because he's truly a great person." So he says, "Okay, I'll forgive him as long as he doesn't make a habit out of doing this." Now, the story is a very, very strange story, right? Even if I'm stressed out and I don't want to answer. So fine, you say okay. You know how people okay but I don't have to say you're so ugly. It's very very strange like whoa relax. It's very very difficult to understand. And one of the explanations is that actually was seeing something very deep about him. It wasn't the physical ugliness. He really saw that there was something very very contaminated about this person. Sensitive people can see energy and they can feel energy. Some of you even know sometimes you go into a room it's not you don't have a good feeling. And sometimes there's people they come into you and you feel comfortable with them and some people you just feel there's something off right you know what I'm talking about. Okay HSPs and felt it and the he asked a question to himself. Is there hope for this person? And he thought maybe he needs a little shock treatment, a little shock treatment. Sometimes you got to call a spade a spade. This is disgusting. You're repulsive. You're ugly. And the man says to him, "Go tell my craftsman how ugly I am." So, so the lab once said something amazing. He says, "People think he was attacking him. Actually, it worked. For the first time in his life, he felt that he has a craftsman who made him. This was the response to it was the success got to him. He awoke something in him. He says, "I'm not ugly. Hashem made me. Go tell the craftsman who made me how ugly the vessel is." It's not just he made me. He made me into a vessel. A vessel is not just something you make cuz you're bored. It has a purpose. He didn't only realize that he was created. He realized that he has purpose. He has purpose in this world. Wow. It was a success story. And that explains the gammor at the end. He doesn't say don't do it. He says don't make a habit out of this. What? Don't make a habit out of being obnoxious. Don't be obnoxious ever. Because there are times that sometimes you need to be so blunt in order to awake somebody from death, from slumber. You need to give shaky. You need to wake up the system. It's something unconventional. So unconventionally, you can do it, but don't make a habit out of it. What was he really saying? He was suddenly realizing at the core of all truva is your beauty. How beautiful I am, how gorgeous I am, how perfect I am. And because I'm so perfect, I don't want to fall prey to behavior that is so un befitting this internal royalty. And it's not to be ya for somebody else. It's really a true internal recognition of that of that space. There was a group of uh I did a a zoom with an organization called Ray of Hope. You're familiar with Ray of Hope? So Ray of Hope is an organization for girls and women who have been through very very intense abuse particularly a certain type of abuse that everybody could understand which has really violated them in the deepest way and this is a group of support. It was founded a few years I was actually by the founding evening in Muny five girls or six girls today there's like a thousand members and then the men the boys came and said some of us were also hurt so they made a second chapter for the for the men. So last night I had one session with the with the with the with the women and one session with the men and it was very very intense and we also did it last year and one of the girls one of the young women asked a question. She said, "I cannot open a kipper." Why? Nine times I say ashamnu means we we sinned, we betrayed, we stole, we spoke falsely, we were perverted, we were defiant, uh we were uh rebellious, we were thugs, we concocted lies, we gave evil advice, we made up lies, we deceived. She says, "That's what they did to me. I didn't do any of this. That's what they did to me." They should say I'm not saying ashamnu. She said I don't say a word. It's a betrayal to me to say it. I'm done. I'm done with it. And that's why she hates going to schul. And I understood it. I understood it. And you know when somebody asks you such a question. So the wisest thing is to stay silent and to be empathetic. But she was looking for an answer. So I asked God to use me as a channel. And this is what came out. and uh she started to cry and she said it was so comforting but I think it's real. I think it's real. It's not just you know a cute uh cliche answer to make somebody feel good. I said you're the first person to say a shamanu but you need to change the context of how you see it. You're looking at it. I'm a traitor. I'm betray I betrayed God. I betrayed people. I lied. Really? Let me tell you who you're talking to. You're talking to your inner child. You're talking to your inner soul. Your child was five years old. An innocent, pure, angelic, delicious, innocent, holy little girl. Nobody was there to hold it. Imagine the terror this 5-year-old went through alone in the world, being used, being manipulated, being exploited in ways that I'm not going to graphically describe. And there was nobody there to hold it. The adult you wasn't here yet. What did that inner child internalize about herself? She internalized endless shame. I must be so evil. I must deserve this. And you know how much you struggled with these feelings because of this. So today as an adult who knows that this is poison that was injected into you. It's the snake that injected this poison. As we spoke in the last year, this is not you. Can you apologize to your inner child for not having the capacity being there for? Not because it's your fault. There was nobody, no, there is nobody inside of you to blame. But can you just acknowledge the grief and the pain of your child who had nobody to hold its hand and walk it through life and say, "You're a wonderful person. You're a beautiful person. You don't deserve any of this." Unfortunately, there's some sick, sick, sick people around you. And as an adult, you're going to be protected. You can come out of the closet. You can come out of your hiding place. You don't have to please people anymore. You don't have to shut down your heart. You don't have to live in social anxiety. You don't have to run away from people. Now, you are safe to come out. You could be playful again. You could be creative. You couldn't be playful since the age of five. There was no playfulness anymore. You became a morbid adult who had to be vigilant 24/7. You could be playful again. I'm watching you. I'm protecting you. Go into it. Let her feel that you understand the grief. Say it more. Yeah. I allowed your soul to be stolen from you. I became a person that thinks I have to lie. I have to hide. I have to be full of shame. What a betrayal against my inner soul. And then we did it together. I said, "Let's do it together. Let's close our eyes and do this meditation." There was a lot a lot of sobbing, but it was such a release because it's grief of acknowledging the pain that people went through and realizing that it's not my fault. And it in my core there's so much endless love and beauty. I just never knew about it. I got so many different messages. And when I can recconnect to that space and I could believe in that space even if it's not always available and sometimes hard to get there now automatically I'm going to let go of behaviors that completely completely take me away from that type of relationship to internalize in your nervous system God made me and God no make no junk and even deeper it's a vessel that's so purposeful that's the essence of >> towards myself, >> right? That's really what means out of love, we translate as love of Hashem, which is what it means. That's what the Gmorra says, Chuva. When we really go into it, means you also love Hashem inside of you, right? You love your real self. That's what he says. That's why real love of Hashem is the same like real self-love. What am I loving about myself? I'm not loving my rude behavior or my mistakes or my sins. I'm loving my divinity. I'm loving Hashem. That is loving Hashem. In fact, that is our true self. We are all manifestations of Hashem's light in this world. Of course, you need to love that. We say every day People sometimes ask me, "What's the source of self-love in Judaism?" This is a liberal left-wing progressive concept. It's woke. It's cancel culture. It's you don't you don't we say love yourself. I never saw the We even have a word for it. It's called narcissistic personality disorder. As somebody once said, you know, how do you how do you get rid of a narcissist? How do you drown him? put mirrors on bottom of the ocean. What's this mitzvah? Love the self. Somebody once said, "This guy is a self-made man and he worships his creator." But the truth is that's if we understand self-love as I love myself, my arrogance, my superior complex. That's not self- loveve. That's actually self-hate. That's loving a part of me that doesn't even exist. This is all a response to your question, by the way. Are you feeling guilty now? It's it's not it's not a bad thing. It's a perfect exactly what had to happen. Don't be sorry. No guilt now, please. Okay. It's very good. You brought out a beautiful conversation. So, if I'm loving my superiority complex, that's not my self. That's usually my trauma. People become arrogant and hoardy because they don't really like themselves. Real self-love is a hashem. It's loving the divine energy that flows through you. And therefore, you'll see this when people feel deeper love towards themselves in a beautiful way, there's more love that flows from them. There is more kindness that flows from them. There's gentleness that flows from them. And when I'm really really feeling bad about myself, I should not be making decisions from that space because my decisions for and for Shamayim and for Chuva are usually going to be very very rattled and riddled rattled with with fear. negative fear and guilt and negativity. Go back to your center, breathe, go into your chuvah and then from there say, "Okay, now I want to fix this. Now I should fix this. Now I'm going to apologize for this." And it's regulated. You don't do chuva because you hate yourself. You do chuva because you love yourself because God made me and God no make no junk. And you have to say that fast so that your animal consciousness understands it. So now let's go one step deeper to understand this a little more. >> Yes, sure. >> Wow. >> Wow. Do you see You cannot win, right? Like if you feel guilty, galdic, you're Jewish. And if you don't feel guilty, oh my god, I am so guilty. I am so guilty. I don't feel guilty. This is crazy. I like Yam Kipper. I like I love Shaw. I like Davening. That's horrible. Oh my god. My god. Is that the answer? Like I don't have to feel loving that part of you that >> and you had a good mother. You have a good mother. Give credit where credit is due. You had some good attachment as a child, didn't you? >> Okay. Thank you. I rest my case. Credit to your mom who was regulated. Who is regulated? Is she or I'm just making up a story? She's still regulated. Wow. Okay. No wonder. So when you were one week old and one month old, you were being held by a regulated person who can look you in your eyes and in your nervous system you felt that you were desirable, you were worthy. A lot of people did. >> Huh? And you still have it. Yeah. So that's incredible. That's incredible. That's where our neural pathways That's when our neural pathways are formed. That's when our internal relationship with self is formed. When our when our attachment is anxious attachment or unreliable attachment or violent attachment or no attachment at all, we grow up seeking that attachment and trying to figure out who we are with a very very deep wound at the core. And now we look to our husbands for attachment, to our wives for attachment, to other people for attachment. And we don't know what it looks like. There's such relational wounding. So not feeling guilty about yourself, I don't think it's a sin. I think it's a beautiful thing. If somebody says, "I feel callous. I'm apathetic. I couldn't care less." Right? If I hurt myself, I hurt other people. That's not not feeling guilty. That's a person who's just not online. They're not in touch. They're they're shut down. They're closed down. They're not feeling guilt. Their their absence of guilt is not coming because they're alive. It's coming because they're dead, >> right? We're talking here about something else. We're talking here about a guilt that comes from a presence of of of love and beauty. And that's why I don't like the word guilt. It's more a sense of of of living your truth. Why? Why? Why they need to guilt? We could repair things. I could fix something. And if there's something I really can't fix, that itself is part of the plan. And I need to surrender that to God. Right? So don't worry about it. You're good. Okay. Yeah. >> I think that >> you also don't feel guilty, right? >> I feel guilty sometimes. >> You feel guilty. >> I think it's peer pressure because everyone >> Oh, wow. Wow. >> Okay. You also have a good mother, >> right? Okay. We blame everything on the mothers. You realize that? Everything. Everything on our poor mothers who are holy, righteous women. very good >> but not it's not guilt it's from potential >> yes so so what what is saying is that she also doesn't have guilt but she starts feeling guilty out of peer pressure if everybody's feeling guilty it must be the right thing to do so let's all feel guilty right so it should be the other way around you become the mashpia and tell all your Friends, we can experience all of this without guilt. And you'll see there'll be so much more creativity. Actually, we'll accomplish much more. Whenever we show up to our self and our loved ones from a place of feeling good about ourselves, there's much more love that flows in the world. Much more love. People don't have to be afraid of experiencing their light. It's a beautiful thing. This is called Make sense? >> Somehow there is like a message deep down in many of our cultures that if there is no sense of misery, it's not connected to Yiddishkite and I think we need to he I know I really think we need to heal it. You know how I know you know there's a woman who wrote to me an email a few days ago. She listened to my last class. You remember about how Hashem says, "Okay, you sin, but why do you have to why do you have to hide from me? We're supposed to be together. Like, why are you running away?" And she writes to me, "It's too good to be true. This class was too good to be true. I do not believe this is Judaism, and I would like to have more sources because it's too good to be true." Wow. And you know what? She was actually expressing it. But I realized that deep down this is a very real feeling in people. And not necessarily that they want it or consciously, but it's like almost a deep feeling that if there's like a dread and a heaviness, that's like Yiddish. Like if there's a misery, if there's like a pain, if there's like I'm worried if God is going to get me back, if I'm going to be punished for this and for that, it's almost like if there's a like it's like sounds like you're a Shmaya. >> It's like Christian, >> huh? >> The Christians. >> And I think I and this is without an iota of judgment because I also deal with it. This is really without judgment. We've our our people have been through a gehenna. I don't have to explain this to you. And when you have a people that's been through this and I don't know why we have been through it, but we've been through it. It affects people. This girl who was abused, it affects her, right? And she doesn't want to hear in the sid that she's guilty again. She lives with that 24/7. She doesn't need another validation. And this is true for so many of our people. And it's very very deep. And then we open up the swarim and thearim say, "Yeah, there's there's the you're guilty for this and you have to fix this and you have to fix this. You have to fix this." But we don't understand that that's all with a baseline of law that we don't go to. And that people need to be able to experience in their nervous system. We can't preach this. I could sit for for three years and tell everybody there. It's meaningless if you don't feel it in your body. If I don't feel it in my body, it's just another intellectual cute gymnastic exercise, which is nice, but it doesn't really touch us in that space. Yeah. From my flesh, I shall perceive Hashem. It's always going inwards. And when we're overwhelmed with this guilt and dread about ourselves, we need to respect it and make space for it. But understand that it's another coping mechanism that's coming not from our purest internal self. It's a burden that different parts of oursel have accepted upon ourselves somehow to keep us safe. And we have permission to unbburden ourselves from this. We have permission to go out of a gullis mindset and go into a gula mindset. Not only permission, it's responsibility. If this is a generation before the gula, gula is not just on the outside. It starts on the inside. The bos says gullus is das and gula is das. It's a consciousness. It's a mindset. A gullis mindset is the mindset where I am in exile. I am in captivity. I am downtrodden. A gula mindset is I'm infinite. Your infinite love, your infinite beauty, your infinite wisdom, your infinite consciousness, your infinite depth, your infinite holiness, your infinite truth, your infinite sacred. And by the way, this is the place where humility and self-confidence not only get along, but they're one. Because this type of self-confidence is not about I'm arrogant. I'm hoardy. I'm better than everybody. This is the ultimate humility is you're a ch. It's being a channel. You're a channel. It's not about me and my ego. Ego is easing God out. So that's what you are. That's who you are really. And going to that space. That is tru. Now it's hard to get to that space because we have a lot of blockages. But that's the space. from that space all of the behaviors that are not aligned with the blueprint of mitzvah that are not which means they're not aligned with Hashem's will I have no room for them I don't need them I also don't need to distract myself you understand what I'm saying sometimes you have all these you know kabalas people I'm not going to say lashhara anymore I'm not going to go on Netflix anymore I'm not going to eat sugar anymore I'm not going to do carbs anymore uh I'm not going to spend time on my phone anymore for 3 hours a day besides watching Rabbi Y clips I'm not going to I just want to make sure when you make your cabalis you have your priorities straight I'm not going to do this anymore I'm right and it's very very nice the question is is it coming from or is I just focus on all the wrong things and very often it doesn't last but you know why because the conversation is still juicy and Netflix is still interesting and sugar and carbs are still enticing or whatever it is you're dealing with I know some people don't relate to other things I'm saying. It's fine. This is for everybody in their own way, whatever that means. But the moment, trust me, the moment you feel your infinity, you don't need all these distractions, you know, like somebody who's really healthy and you give them potato chips. Yeah. It's like, it's not me. I see potato chips and I'm like, okay. Right. But some people Yeah. You know what I mean? Like if you're really healthy and you respect your body and like you start eating certain foods, it's like I want to vomit. You don't have to do a cabala and join a group with a checklist not to eat it anymore. It's like why should I eat this? But the same is true when people are really in touch with their power of their energy. All these things go. I don't need movies to entertain me. My energy is more entertaining than any movie in the world. It's true by the way, but only when you know your energy. If you don't know your energy, of course, I need distractions. So, this one is on the news. This one is on clips. This one is films. I'm not talking about somebody who wants to watch a documentary or something to learn about something. I I'm talking about a distraction from life because I am bored with myself. You're not bored with your if you ever feel it. It's alive. It's it's it's interesting. I'd rather spend the next hour in in in living my energy and connecting in an authentic way. It's so much richer. It's so much more interesting. It's also more educational. Resonates. >> You feel good about yourself. >> You got to give her a little bit of your uh guilt-free experience. Maybe change them. >> I think we've always learned that it has to feel uncomfortable. Just change your mindset. >> I know. I know. I also feel I also I also felt that always. It has to feel uncomfortable. Now get just clarify. Discomfort could sometimes be a beautiful thing. If I'm stretching, exercise is uncomfortable, but it's it's it's it's a discomfort that you cherish. It's like, wow, I feel so good. Well, that was an amazing stretch. That's beautiful. This is not a class about being stuck on a couch potato. Just make me feel good. Just make me feel good. That's that's fake stuff. The stretching is coming again from a place of of self-respect of of energy of of you want to grow. You want to grow again. I I like my body not because I hate my body. Rather than this negative message of, you know, you're you're so guilty and you're so bad and Hashem is looking for every little flaw and blemish so he could punish me. psychic. >> It's not It's not anybody's fault. If it's embedded in the nervous system, it's very hard to get rid of. It's very, very hard to get rid of. But here's the rule is so when I'm lacking that sim, I have to realize it's time for a little more chu a little more chu. Go into the place of And if I can't go into that, it may be the really is using chuva as a way to keep me paralyzed. Okay. Now, okay, I just want to go another few minutes because I want to bring out one more point to go a little deeper into this and I know it's a busy day and a busy night. So, take a look at the second source. Take a look at the second source. Okay. This is from the balata shabas. You see, it's from the paragraphs 1 2 3 4 5 6. The sixth paragraph on the source sheets that's from the balab shabas the word shabas is the same letters like what does tashev mean >> to sit t that's t what else is tashv >> to return shuva comes the word tashv shabas is the same letters but one second you would think chuva is confession on shabas we don't We don't say we don't say we don't usually do confession on Shabas. Shabas is not chuva. Chuva is intense and guiltridden. Shabas is all about tranquility and shabas. You know take an extra nap, relax. It's the opposite. But suddenly you see shabas and tash is the same word just a change of letters. Why? Because shabas and is one. And that's why yam kiper is called shabas shabas. Why is yam kipper the ultimate shabas? Because it's the ultimate chuva. Every shabas is chuva. But yipper is the day of chuva. So yipper is the real shabas is the ultimate shabas. Shabas shambas is the only day that theor calls double shabas. Shabas shabas in par. We read it on yamiper. But why is really a sense of remorse of guilt. That's not shabas. In fact, Shabas we don't say you're not allowed to say on Shabas we do but regular Shabas we don't do all these things we skip it it's a day of a day of bliss of day of pleasure a day of celebration a day of gratitude says says theat listen to his words you know what shabas and is bringing everything back to its source that's what chuva is that's what chabas is it's bringing fragmentation into coherence is not necessarily about sins. Really? No. To return and restore the soul. The soul went on a journey very very very low in Islamabid and the soul becomes enclosed and camouflaged by all of the physicality around it. So somebody doesn't even know what their soul looks like. It's like I'm wearing a 100 masks. I don't know who I am. I never saw myself. Imagine I was born with a mask and the first time I looked at myself I only saw a mask and I decide that's who I am. A woman once told me the saddest thing that her mother always wanted a blonde, a blonde girl. And she was dark. So her mother dyed her hair at a very young age. And she would rock her and sing to her what a beautiful blonde she is. And when she grew up and she realized it was a lie, she says, "Imagine what I have to deal with today." Because basically it was like, "I love you because you're blonde." That's what she told me. But emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, this happens on many levels. The soul is enclosed in so many covers. I don't know myself. I never saw myself. So imagine the first time I looked in the mirror or people gave me feedback about what I look like. They were describing a mask, not me. Now understand this. A child starts growing up as nobody's fault. When we start giving feedback to the child who he or she is, am I giving them feedback about their soul or about external things? And I can't give them feedback about their soul if I don't know about my soul. I don't know that space. So now I grow up and who am I? What is the self that I'm connected with? So one person is connected with a self that has to make everybody happy. One person is connected with a self that is anxious. One person is connected with a self that feels guilty. One person is with a self that has to be aggressive, confrontational, fight, flight, freeze, fawn. All of the different characteristics that I develop. But this becomes who I am. I have to shut down. I need to disassociate. I can't be fully present. I'm in fear. I'm in anxiety. I'm overwhelmed. And this becomes who I am. This is the feedback I got from the world and how I'm responding based on who I am. based on who I think I am. So what is chuva? He says to return the soul that went down very low back to its source and roots to experience full ine. So suddenly I believe I realize that my deepest will is that is my deepest desire. I'm aligned. B means you're completely aligned. It's ego death and our wills become aligned. and that's why the 10 days of were instituted even for real complete they really don't have sins our people they don't why what what do you want from them let them jump to sukus the answer is if you think chuva is for sins then say well I don't have chuva and we're not talking about people who think they're sadikur they for sure need chva right it's like the guy who was coming to and he meets the rabbi and the rabbi says why you depressed he says I didn't sin a whole year and the kip is a waste of time and is saying I got no sins the rabbi says there's still a half an hour left he says what should I do in a half an hour he says your neighbor you love him or hate him I hate his guts okay so go beat him up so he goes punches him in the face feels good about himself kicks him a few times now he goes to sh happy he'll able to do chuva. As he's walking the show, the wife of the beaten guy comes out and says, "Rebid, I don't know who you are, but you'll never know what a mitzvah you have just done. It's just a joke." So the poor guy is still looking for a sin cuz he has done only mitzvah. He tried to do a sin. But when you talk about a real sadic g and it's interesting that a saddic g could know that he's a sadd it's not humility to say I have a no a real sadic knows he doesn't so what's for him so says truva is not for sins necessarily is restoring the soul to its original posture in full vus this is the entire purpose of Adam of a person Search for my pun. I want you to look for my pon, not my. So what this really means is that chuva on sins is the external layer of it. Just like a sadic also has to do chuva. It's the other way around. If somebody's only doing chuva on their sins, they may never really be doing chuva. They may be checking off a checklist. I did chuv for this. I did cha. I apologize for this. I sent you a text. Send you a text. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. I'm done with cha. And the bala says they never really did chuva. It's a good thing to do a checklist and fix these things, but they never really tasted what chuva. What chuva? Chuva is can I experience myself in my pristine core before the rupture? What does that even look like in my body in your body? If you can experience yourself in complete complete dus first of all I need to believe it. Second of all I need to allow myself to feel it. Third of all, I need to be able to sematically release from my body all the negativity that is stored in my cells in which I feel the opposite about myself. So therefore, chuva is for the greatest saddic and it's for the person who's the most distant. And for both of them, it's the same thing. It's restoring your soul back to where it was. So you'll say, "But that saddic is a great guy. He's great and holy, but everybody needs to experience Chuva. And Chuva is infinite. So for theim Kipper is actually even a greater gift because the more you're in touch with your infinity, the more you appreciate how much infinity there is. You know, it would be like once the spaceship gets out of our atmosphere and to a place where there's no gravity, it's not like the journey stops just because there's nothing pulling you down. Oh, now the journey really begins. So once we experience dus now it's a blissful journey to deeper more surrender more surrender more surrender more surrender shedding another layer of ego another layer of ego another ego of separateness another layer of separateness until complete veas so it's deeper and deeper and deeper so shabas and tru is exactly the same thing what's shabas shabas hashem rested where he got exhausted what does it mean he rested it means everything comes back to the source You know when you're projecting your energy I'm running or I'm sweeping or I'm mopping or I'm working I'm typing whatever I'm run you're shopping and then you like you come back you take your energy back you reclaim your energy my energy was everywhere it was scattered you know you go to a mitzvah then you go to a wedding then you go to a vakn then you go to you know that feeling it's called tans of nineas they used to say mckesh tans of but that's the old my 1959 but the month of 2025 right and then and then especially if you are an HSP you come home right I'm not I don't know if everybody takes salt baths you know that thing whatever some people do that but basically you sit down and you like almost reclaim your energy it comes back to you Like I was there, there there. Now I go back. I go back. I I give a lot of classes. When I finish a class, I need a little shabas. What's shabas? Shabas is just like coming back into the self. And this is very very important because in life, if we never do that, we just scatter ourselves. You listening? More and more and more and more I become so frazzling and I'm helping the whole world, but I invested in the eggs. I didn't invest in the chicken. So Shabas is going back to the chicken. We lay a lot of we do a lot of things. We produce and produce and produce. Shabas is not because God is exhausted because you don't have energy. It's to bring everything back to the core and then you can go back to create again. If not there's no coherence. I get lost in other people and it's very very hard. It's took me a lot of years to learn how after a class, you know, Barakashem, Jews give feedback and uh different types of feedback and and it it's it's it's intense energy. It's intense energy and it's so easy at least it's very very easy to to lose like your center point in the in the need for validation and in explaining and and really to experience shabases to come back to the core. It's a very subtle silent energy and it's very deep. That's what Shabas is. So, Hashem says, "I projected my energy into the world and now the energy is going back." So, what really happens on Shabas is the whole world goes up. All the energy goes back to the source. That's why the world is a holier place on Shabas. The fish that you eat on Shabas is not the fish that you eat on Monday. The soup on Shabas is not the same soup. The couch is not the same couch. The table is not the same table. The children aren't the same children. You're not the same person. Everything is holier. Why is it holier? What happened to the fish? Abracadabra. Because the energy was reclaimed by the source. So the whole energy goes up. I once heard from Rebbitson Esther Yung. You remember Rabbit Esther Yung? We did a Shabbaton together in Sedona, Arizona. You know Sedona? It's an interesting place. So um so she spoke and I spoke. So I remember she said in her Friday night speech she was in Bergen Bellin with her father and siblings Rabbi David Yungr and she said that after MV they had some in Bergen Belin there was some families that were kept together and they sat down Friday night around I'm not going to call it a table but the family was sitting together and her father started to sing shalom shim. So she said my brother turned to him and said where are the angels? I don't see angels. I see Nazis. We are the angels. So she says my father looked at him and said you're the you're the angels. You're the angels. So when I I said over the years I said people come home Shabas from and they start talking about all these angels that are here. We are with these angels. And one interpretation is a husband is stressed and overwhelmed the whole week and then Shabas he comes home from Shul takes a look at his wife says ah here's my angel takes a look at his children says here are my angels. It's the same reality but you could see it from a little bit of a different perspective. You could see it from a deeper place of energy. We know whenever we're in a deeper place of coherence, you look at the same person, you see a different person. It's the same person but you see something else because things went back to their source. So shabas is chuva. Chuva is bringing things back into coherence. I could be so fragmented. I don't even know about who I am really. I know myself only from what people told me about myself or what I told myself about myself based on my tools of survival and expectations. Do I know myself really really from within? And what's the answer to that? And how do I even begin that journey? That is exactly what chuva looks like. To know yourself from within yourself, your deepest self in its core before any rupture. And the rupture wasn't a mistake. Hashem sent down the nama here. It's part of the work to be able to transform our body and our animal consciousness in the world and bring it all back into coherence. But that's what it starts. And that's the essence of chuva. And that's why it's for everybody. And that's why I have to remember that I could do a chuva checklist but it's not the essence of chuva. It's a beautiful thing. essence of chuva is can I experience my internal duvas with a scythe inside my body that's what it is and therefore it's for everybody and every level and it's it's it's and from that baseline of course if you experience your infinity you'll know exactly what to do you'll know exactly who to apologize to you know exactly which relationships are healthy and unhealthy. You'll know exactly what thoughts and words and behaviors you want to immerse in and what thoughts and words and behavior you have to say, you know what, this is really not for me. This food is not for me. These words are not for me. These actions are not for me. From the deepest place of self-awareness, self-love, self-respect. May Hashem allow us all to be able to experience chuva and from there chuva tata in the most holistic beautiful joyous way in which we can truly truly experience this that the balatana and the reb is teaching us what it really means to experience this veus and to radiate it in the most beautiful and regulated regulated way to all around us and ultimately to the world until we experience the complete coherence and the complete complet on to everybody Yeshua. Thank you, >> Rabbiti. It's good you came. You see, it's good you came. >> You're welcome. Thank you for your letter. >> Thank you. >> You're welcome. >> Can I ask a question? >> Sure. Yeah, >> I didn't get to all this. Yeah. >> Yeah. And I wonder who whatever this was describing and that connected exactly the >> Yeah. >> And that's what I said. >> Of course. Yeah. >> Right. >> Absolutely. Yeah. That's what it is. Should be a happy year for you and the also here. >> Okay. Thank you for your question. Very good. I think you're the two only women in this room that deal with this guilt. [Music] Uh >> it's called your normal. It's called normal. You're hungry. I know. I missed you. Okay. [Music] Yeah. [Music] Thank you so much. >> Thank you. Thank you. I'm sorry. >> Don't be sorry. Should she be sorry? >> It was very good what you said that I want to feel guilty. It was very good. You really you you triggered me. You triggered me as they say. It was very good. But did did I manage to shift something or no? [Music] >> You don't have to worry about that. You don't have to worry that if you feel good about yourself, you're going to be oblivious. I take aas. Okay. >> I don't think you're running to New Zealand to go to the bikes to the B on bicycles for the next few years. >> Complacency. >> I hear you. But but that's not joy. Just know complacency is not joy. Complacency is a defense mechanism. >> Complacency complacency is not caring. You understand? >> Joy is caring more. It's called a good owl. >> A good >> a good owl. I'm saying right. But real joy is not not caring. It's more caring. It's caring with with presence with an open heart. >> When I'm in that place, I can be so much a better person. >> Of course. We see. We see. >> We see. When we feel good about ourselves, there's so much more love we give our children. We give our husband. We give >> Thank you. Now the plane is back because you're >> you're happy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're happy. You see sometimes people people at a sim they're miserable cuz the napkins, right? The caterer got the wrong color. >> Yeah. When you when you're full of celebration, okay, there's a mistake and and you may find you you but it's different. It's in context of positivity. If a mother is happy, she comes into the kitchen. Okay. There's dishes that are dirty. Okay. It's not the best thing in the world, but there's a vibe that's positive. There's a joy is the kids feel it's a happy home, >> right? When when it's full of negativity and everything has to be perfect and if not we're all miserable. It's it's very hard way to grow up. >> So we learned my friend years ago they would say and you hear people falling on the floor fainting and whatever. Yeah, I know that >> that's [Music] >> that's like a whole different thing like I don't feel like that. >> There were there were Jews. There were Jews and yeah, there were Jews like that. Yeah. Bal Muser a lot. They felt the dread of of yadin and and this was this was a focused there there's different focuses in yiddishim and there's a focus that's very much muser >> but now we focus so much on >> because because because we see today if you sit down with a yeshiva school with the high school girls or boys and you tell them focus on on on being judged and every small aa what what do you think they they just either either They take you serious and they're they become it's very hard on them and if they're sensitive it can be very very hard and many of them just leave me alone and we're done. When you when you start teaching children to understand themselves to see who they are to know which emotions reflect their true essence. They all come to life. There's nothing like teaching teenagers about themselves. They love it but they have to feel it's genuine. You're not preaching. You're not trying to tell them how bad they are or how good they are cliche. You're really helping them find themselves and that's an incredible gift. >> You were saying about trusting. I'm going to soon tell you the story. You're saying that we don't trust anyone. from when they're for on listen to what your inner voice because that is the real thing and they do it by speaking they're like you know what >> or I I I think that when you train to listen to your inner voice it's helpful you're a smart mother >> you're a smart mother >> anyway so that story was >> oh so was joyous yeah >> very joyous used to kid it's bit like we Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> He once called in. called in a by the name of I forgot the last name and asked him and he didn't know what to answer because he was like this just to dance with them and joke with them and he's like he didn't want to answer and asked you to see them are they afraid of me third time said we're scared to do something that's going to jeopardize our special relationship. >> Nice. >> This whole story was said much more. >> Beautiful. >> Thus is hashem. >> That is called he said um I forgot which word comes first and then I forgot I think >> we just we just read I don't know it wasn't last. >> Yeah. >> So you're saying the comes from ava. >> No he said how could you say first? It's so much easier to be afraid, >> right? >> And then right [Music] >> back at the top, >> right? >> You're not afraid of, >> right? >> Jeopardizing. >> You don't want to lose such a powerful relationship. Beautiful. >> Beautiful. Beautiful. >> Beautiful. >> Yeah. Yeah. Gavaldic. Gavaldic. Gavaldic [Music] think we're not scared. >> Beautiful. >> I like that a lot. Sure. >> Thank you. I still have that everybody. A good How's the kala? >> She's happy. Hasham, >> I think you're a good