PIC2024 R' Chanan Gordon -This Was Not Supposed To Happen in My Life!

so folks here we are the sun about to set the curtain about to come down on Project Inspire 20124 so in all my years of speaking and gallivanting around the world if I have to think of one question that repeats itself in different iterations it goes something like this Rabbi I I I didn't order this child RAB you don't understand this wasn't supposed to happen in my life I had this whole thing planned out we sat down I worked with my CPA this this business wasn't supposed to go insolvent it's one form or other of that concept very very common and so hopefully what I'm going to do today before the standing evation is dispel one of the most of cited Notions from pop culture and hopefully explain to you guys that that's not a Torah concept so the notion that we're going to explain unfortunately is it's really perpetuated through mainstream media and that's the notion called the Pleasure Principle that ultimately we're in this world for pleasure and that this world's supposed to be like Disneyland right and so when the curveball happens and one of the kids starts going off the D and when you realize that there's a certain thing about your spouse that's getting out of your skin or when something happens in the business and there's pain and there's challenges there's something is a knee-jerk reflex reaction to look heavenbound and say why me this wasn't supposed to happen this wasn't in the script it's a very deep-seated hardwired way that the Western world sees the way you were supposed to see the world I've spoken pretty much all over the world you'll find that this is not something that is troubling to a lot of people where the main religion is Buddha any Buddhist in the in the audience so they hold their whole concept by the way joke all jokes aside there are approximately 250,000 Jew Boos in America Jewish Buddhists so I have a very dear friend who I'm sure most of you know fellow South African a k tats so he wrote a book called A letter to a Buddhist Jew and he was just telling me that he did some research before 250,000 Jews who somehow subscrib to Buddhism the interesting thing about Buddhism I don't know how you can possibly be happy in that religion their whole notion right is that a lot of this journey is suffering and we hear to somehow in their Lo M your your nsh they don't have this problem about this Pleasure Principle that life is supposed to be Disneyland and when there's bumps in the road we look heavenbound so what's the problem with this Western ethos this pop culture notion that it's supposed to be firstly life's supposed to pretty much go according to script it's supposed to be all good times here's the problem my friends is that the world is not going to devote itself to making you happy I canot if I if I got $1,000 for every person who's come to the podium after any of the something I said ma'am that's storming out already $1,000 for anyone who come to the podium and says Rabbi I'm I'm not happy and then blah blah blah so the world's not going to devote itself to making you happy and you're not in this world to basically eat cotton candy and have pleasure in the sense of the western ethos if you do think that the chances are that there's going to be a inevitable bump in the road and you are going to have that knee-jerk reaction to look heavenbound and I hope and pray for every single person and I bench every single person in this room that you will not go 40 days without some some pain in your life as we said in my previous class that is not a good sign very clearly the gor says you go 40 days without some form of pain it's a Simmon that has been a and said I'm indifferent to you one of the ways that we know that loves us and is involved in our lives is that in the notion of what road we supposed to take he will do certain things so we recalculate right we the Final Destination we know isad we sometimes Veer and aesu using certain circumstances and events in our life will make sure we get back on track that's painful to us we think as the Western world has sold has sold us that pain is bad tremendous tremendous tremendous disservice I work with a lot of J genz I speak a ton on campus that's one of the I see it that's one of the the most painful things that people think that pain is bad from a Torah perspective pain is not bad pain is going to is the price that you pay for greatness what's the pedagogical example that the gamorra uses the birth of a child okay N9 months of gestation the pain of the birth canal and afterwards what do you have to you the most beautiful thing in the world a beautiful beautiful child there's nothing that you will achieve that's worth it in this journey called life that you will achieve without pain which is one of the reasons by by the way on Friday nights if you ever notice that people who understand Hal will never cut the kala and hand you a piece of Kala they'll put it on the table from a from a metaphysical point of view because no one wants a hand out bread of Shame one of the most painful things that you can possibly do to a person is take away their dignity so we never hand something to somebody that's the notion of batt frame there has to be the notion of having earned something if if a lady came into this this room right now and just walked across this this this uh Podium and sat there is that is that a great achievement we wouldn't say what if I tell you that she had polio and every step is excruciatingly painful that's an achievement anything that's worth achieving in this world that you'll hold on to that has longevity is going to be painful so we start off saying that one of the things that I hear very often in all my travels is Rabbi this was not supposed to happen this wasn't in the script everything was going so well how can I stand you in front of Tori anytime live streaming to 1.2 billion people and bench people that you should go 40 days and you should feel some pain that's proof POS that is in your life it's very interesting one year I forgot was a kmr or Gateway and I made a comment like this a lady came up to the podium afterwards and said I forgot the name if there's a doctor in the room she's got this this person physically does not feel pain the only reason if she hand puts her hand over the stove the only reason she knows her hands burning she smells flesh that's a horrific thing so pain is God's way of saying let's recount calculate so the one the first reason that people had this notion this wasn't supposed to happen is their preconceived idea is that life is Disneyland the the Pleasure Principle and therefore any bump in the road wasn't supposed to happen we started seeing a little bit of movement in the secular World in 1978 in 1978 one of the most certainly one of the most famous bestselling self-help book was pinned by Scott peek called the road L traveled why was it such a classic why was this such a paradigm shift because Scott peek used the three magic words as his opening Gambit and he got a lot of flack for this life is tough he was the first person to say it's not Disneyland R Bo say life's tough thank you vodka said life is very tough now the difference between Scott peek and the H and most people he that's where he stopped he said life's tough showing have a good life I'm going to hopefully tell you before standing evation that the for sure there's going to be there there's going to be bumps in the road but I'm going to hopefully explain the rhyme and the reason for the bumps in the road so that happened in 1978 let me try and focus on what is the Torah perspective of this notion that we get into this world what's if if if it's not pleasure if it's not Disneyland if we're not here to figure out how we're going to buy a house in David's Village and whether going to get into kmr and whether we going to Blue check if that's not what life's about then what's life about the purpose of life in you heard live first at project Inspire is to really get close to that at the end of the day is why we here what's more important than speaking toes on the right track giveu was speaking to the himself right theim came into the O into the tent he put the on hold said one second I'll be right there and he went to be in the Mitzvah of why because more important in speaking to God is being like God to be benevolent to be a giver to be selfless so the purpose of life is to get as close as you possibly can to the idea of Reaching Your Potential is the is the Torah concept of ganam of hell this is not a joke this is very serious cuz some people keep a joke about this thing there's a notion when you come to the next World if you if you read all for that talk about the Journey of the soul to the next world you're going to get into a proverbial movie house you're going to see in that movie House people that were nefa before and they're already in yelt you're sitting there with your buttered popcorn and your diet coke and you're going to see a panoramic panoramic view of your entire life there is no doubt that everyone in this room is going to be Hing at certain scenes you don't want people to know cuz I know what you've done you don't want people to know some of the things that you've done in your life how do you make sure that when you there and you seen that movie that you don't jump under the proverbial chair and and you you have no defenses in it's you and theam how do you make sure that you don't see those scenes where we all have done things as fallible human beings that we regret that we have tremendous Kata how do you see the cut version and not the how do you see the cut version not the uncut version It's the biggest gift that the am has given us and it was here before the world cre was created cha very good Chua completely takes splices that scene out remember the time that you threw the kettle at your wife gone I said I'm sorry didn't help I've got a drone outside your house buddy so the difference between singing the cut or uncut version is simply a thing called cha if it's genuine and you really have the will make sure that you have a similar mat and you'll be omed you'll be able to withstand and surmount that it's gone so that's one part of what's going to happen in yelt there's another part what's going to happen in yelt is you're going to see the person that wanted you to be and you should have been and the gamor says very very very clearly and it's very hard to understand this because you don't have a goof in the next World there is a scream that the Gora says is something that that is we we Bellow once in our journey and that's when at this moment and you're going to scream because you see what you could have been and you know who you are and that disparity is ganam because for eternity you know that you were supposed to be you're supposed to pay for the Lakers and here you are pay for Yeshiva gadola for eternity the idea of getting close to the bonish means actualizing your potential who was a person who actualized their potential who was a person that reached the Zenith of their potential he was the first Jew the the first je is abam how many tests AB have on after The Binding of Isaac the 10th test a bus call came out and said what Abraham Abraham why the M says why twice because was saying to him the Aram potential down here had reached his poent was in parody you my friend have actualized your potential but it's the subtext that I want to focus on how did he get there nus 10 tests I'm writing a book now through Mosaic publication which is the concept of n shalam says in all of our lives just like aru had 10 test because we are we inherited the spiritual genes of aru we are the progen of aru every single person in this room has 10 main tests in your life very very interesting if you're very very much in touch with your feelings you can figure out what test you're on every person is going to go through 10 main tests that touch on imuna will touch on the concept of wanting to look Heaven bound and why me every person in this room the book is about the 10 contemporary tests that we all go through as someone has been in the speaking circuit for a long time but the idea is that the purpose of life is to get close toes we don't like the mechanism Hashem is used so that we shed the skin and get closer K because it's painful there is no way that you can achieve your mission your tough kid in this world without pain without what we call suffering without these curve balls in your life so now that you've heard it here there's one question that I get 5,000 any any speaker get this question that I want you to get out of your head is why what you want what we we're going to focus on once we hopefully get grasp this concept is not Lama but another word of with the same atmology which which means lar instead of why Lamar means to what end now that this has happened to me now that I can understand that this is coming from an altruistic benevolent all loving God that loves me more than I love my own children and there's no Micra and there's no Serendipity and there's no coincidence now what do I do with this so that's a very different question Lama is a question that at best will cause you to perseverate and freeze there are you'll never ever if any Rabbi tells you why something is happening to you and he not a we don't have Nim today there are certain people that have a certain mystical inside but they are quack there's if a rabbi when I one thing that taught us is that if is anyone in the audience who asked about the Holocaust and you start answering it's a arrogant kah you never answer that question I'll tell you a true story I think I can say this Prof here Marty burer were once in the Rover and I think this is how the whole thing started and there's a person that asked a question about uh the Holocaust and he started answering certain things and he noticed out of the corner of his eye that the person with a hand up at a number what are you going to say so if I'm telling you right now that life is not the Pleasure Principle that the reason why we're in this world is to get close to Hashem and the mechanism that said in the world is nous and pain then we know that pain is not bad what's a what's a general Yiddish salutation that you say when you see each other when you say when you see each other in the lobby what what do people usually say in Yiddish what's the ti of what are you making of yourself right so the idea is you here to grow the big insult that you can possibly say to a person is robaba Gordon you're unbelievable I heard you last year you just same old same old that's the biggest insult that you can say to a person same old just means you one you're closer to the you haven't changed we here to grow we here to work through the certain things and I can also tell you something else in the time of the Von in the time of the gro which is a few hundred years ago he said you can safely assume that every single person sitting in this room is a gilgal you have to be the gr to say that which means there's certain things that are happening in your life that that are inexplicable that you were here on a different cycle right you were probably some pregnant South African woman and I me I'm just saying exactly so those kind of questions that's when rabis start answering those questions it's very myopic okay so first thing is that we have to get closer Kadesh the mechanism to get closer Kadesh is tough times next you got to understand that pain and what we call missous suffering setbacks was built into creation how do we know that if you look at the text of barus right and I'll say just for the camera in English um in the beginning of created heaven and earth the earth was without form and empty with Darkness the word for darkness is the theion if you understand what the maim it's a deep sense of suffering it's a sense said no one gets to the end of this journey called life without pain without suffering but if you go V again I was just say in English it says and the and the spirit of Elohim shall hover meaning that there's a rhyme and a reason why this is happening I'm going to give you good news anyone who's going through pain or suffering at the moment firstly let me just back up a second before I answer that question what how did we get the name Israel our nation how did that happen when did it happen when do we get the name of Israel as we are the people of Israel very good so there's an altercation between yov and as okay what was the lotion that was used siso means what struggle that's how you get the word y we he in this world it's all about struggling you have absolutely no control over what happens to you in this journey called life but you have control over the you react to What happens to you AES is not judging you by the fact that you've got one kid that is driving you absolutely nuts and sits at the sh stable picking their nose and it's embarrassing you have absolutely no control that after 10 years of marriage suddenly your wife become you have absolutely but you have complete control the way you react to it that's that's where the rabber meets the road it's the way you react and it struggle and doesn't care about the victory part that's up to him it's during that struggle what happens anyone know in this room how a pearl is made a pearl beautiful it's the first time that I've got an AR in the front row in the Splash Zone what's your name HH mandon HH tell me how pearl is made what what firstly what animal makes a Pearl Oyster okay what how does that oyster make a pill piece of sand enters into the shell irritates the oyster this is unbelievable in 30 years of public speaking um you okay we we should be playing Vegas forget the blue boys the boys this is fantastic so 100% that's exactly right so what happens is you've got an oyster which has got by the way a hard shell so made it so that it gets a piece of grit caught in between the hard shell and its flesh what happens it's painful so what dides made it around it so what did it it exudes a certain fluid that fluid metastasizes over that grit and becomes a pearl what happens at the time of that pain if the oyster takes out a joint and starts smoking a joint what happens if the oyster starts taking a six pack takes a a a 18year old scotch complete and Sher it's gone that's the reason why rabi when people try to neutralize pain and I see it speaking to campuses all the time through through things like substance abuse drinking pornography these are all ways of trying to escape you going to miss the you're going to miss the opportunity to grow the reason one of the things that we are put in this world to do is to take your stumbling blocks and to turn them into Stepping Stones if you make yourself completely neutral if you're taking vum if you're running away you got you're not only not going to grow you're going to say basically this is too much it's a great pedagogical example of how a pearl is made a pearl is something that's precious it's beautiful it comes out of pain so let me go back to my points if anyone's going through tough times you should know b b that the storm will subside and there will be a rainbow at the end of the storm how do we know this how do you start counting a day in the Jewish calendar it's a night very good I'll give you the macro and how this is nog us as individuals there's always the UR before the alyah there's always the proverbial pain before you have the Yeshua yesma was born before Yes Asa was born before Yakov we first had slavery and then we had the Emancipation you will always have the proverbial pain and then the Yeshua the goal here is to use the that pain in a pedagogical way instead of looking Heaven bound and saying why me is say I know you love me I'm not say if I understand this but I'm not going to be bitter I'm going to be better they starts with Darkness they starts with Darkness so the idea of us did we bench over shabas what do we say in in in uh in bat in the beginning of bat did you don't say during the week shus did you say what what is the touch that if you planting with tears you'll reap with joy that's why I can say with confidence whenever I speak to people about torus put in the world the idea there's going to be an end to this and the Cycle's going to turn everything's in cycles and I'm hoping that your life is like this like an EKG because if it's like this my friend the only people that have a life like this are in a cemetery right there is nobody I've been doing this for a long time there is nobody nobody ever who's answered this question and I've done this all over the world is there anyone in this room right now whose life is going perfectly according to pan who doesn't have Ackle and no pain I want you to stand up right now you're either lying or it's a terrible sign it's a terrible sign which where they had so-called a cake walk it wasn't a good sign okay aan there's one in every sh okay Rob Bo so so we start off by saying that I think the topic one second I'll take question then the topic is why me what what's the exact topic of the is is this is not the life that I'm supposed to this is not the life that I'm supposed to have we said why do we say that because the Western ethos pop culture has inculcated into us the notion of the Pleasure Principle that life is Disneyland and therefore when the curveballs inevitably do happen we have a proclivity to look Heaven bound and saying it wasn't supposed to be like that we dispelled that and said that's not why we're in this world we're in this world to get close toeses the pedagogical methodology Hashem uses for us to get close to him is what we consider pain other wise we would sit and watch reruns of Jerry sefile on the couch eating chocolate pretzels and you will not grow and you will basically be a walking Gava and therefore he creates and for every single person in this room I said that the N shalam said that you're all going to have 10 tests every single one of you are going to have 10 tests and those 10 tests are customized tailor made you will never handle the fact the test of the woman in the back who's got a shitel that gives her a headache you're not going to have that test you're not going to have that test with the with the parents that I spoke to it's customized okay so now let's talk about how do we how do we break this habit how do we break this notion of this wasn't so supposed to be like this Rabbi how do we break this preconceived idea okay number one you got to let go of expectations so one of the hardest things is to let go of expectations I'll give you some sources in the Torah Canan H what happened with the first murder in the whole in the Advent of the creation of the world expected to give him the same good favor as his brother didn't end out too well right what happened with with the biggest AA that we've done as a people and we still playing the price the was there an expectation of K they expected him to MH to come back also when the when the credits roll not a happy ending the idea of having an expectation how do we know that kades wants us to jettison this expectation so we don't have is because of the first test of aru we said the last test was aada the first test of Arin was was did he know where he was going how can you have expectations if you don't know where you're going okay I I going to ask you the following if I told you you're going to get a project inspired 2024 you're going to pay 7,800 bucks for every 2 minutes is it's going to be ter air conditioning doesn't work the food is at best the C minus and you arrive here and it's galic how would you feel surprise but you be will you feel what happens when they say the pesak program this is gun Aiden you have no idea you're walking there there's going to be balloons and you go in there and it's m you walk into a a a dogghouse you're going to complain the manager so expectations set you up for for for what we would call your sense of being to freeden or not if you can jet Us in expectations like which is the example the Tor uses of then we're going to definitely live a a happier life what's what's the problem with expect when you have expectations what's the sub what's the subtext what are you really saying or thinking to yourself when you expect something control one okay number one that I'm in control number two I deserve this it's a pretty arrogant assumption right do you know what's good for for for you we think we do when you take your three-year-old little kid mhi to get inoculated for chicken pox right you know that that's good for this kid because if he doesn't get inoculated and it's little three-year-old kid you're going to the doctor and you push this little kid towards someone with a big white coat with a needle this big what do you think the kid feels you betrayal mommy what are you doing and what's the second that happens after he gets zet in the arm he turns around and he hugs who because he knows that's where the Love's from right but at the time when he's getting pushed he has no idea what's happening it's very arrogant to know that we know God's plan so the idea of of Jing expectations is that you're going to set yourself up for disappointment and we know from if you can quote unquote go with go with the flow and don't have certain expectations you're going to live a happy life give let me just finish sorry how you get up in the morning I'm going to come to how you get up in the morning in a second with your Shon hold one second number two you got to stop playing God here's the scene ladies and gentlemen what if I tell you you look through a keyhole and there's a person with a huge dagger with a mask over his face and he's about to Bear Down on someone lying what would you scream what do you think it's bloody murder and if I tell you that we open the door and behind that door is a world famous surgeon and he's about to cut out a malignant tumor and he's about to save someone's life so we see the world through that Keyhole aadesh baru has the whole picture he's outside time and he knows every single person that walked into this unbelievable lecture today you walking into your life at Best in one or two frames of a huge movie and you see the Black Horse and the black hat and the white the white horse and the white hat seems to be shot and wounded what's going on you the the the evil is and you see one Little Slice of Life and we try and understand we have no clue what happened before and how the movie is going to end and we judging on that so we come into life we come into the movie for one or two slices and we try to understand the whole movie Kadesh is outside time he knows exactly what's going to happen 3 years time he knows what going to happen to your life and more than that he loves you and he's going to direct you as best you have to he'll never take your B away but he will direct you so that you will have the closest way to reach your potential and to have ultimate happiness now what's the difference between fun and happiness big mistake at the western w what's it and they've conflated fun and happiness we said that I think in one of the lectures I spoke before if I go to Six Flags and we do wheelies and we have popcorn and we come off the roller coaster and we sit down and vomit fun or happiness that's fun right why is it a year ago when I walk my beautiful daughter down the aisle within one step a tear weld up halfway down the the thing I was boring my eyes up was those tears of fun or happiness what's the difference paying the bill that's I use your credit card what's what's the difference between the two why is it not tears of fun I'll give you a clue one touches the the and the other doesn't can you explain to me why when you when you stand at this wall here not much happens but can you explain to me how why many many Jews over the years go to the the the Western World the the CL and they start crying Manina what happened here that's the that's in a sha that's the the Sha the difference between fun and happiness and there's a huge mistake because there's a declaration of independence in this country is life liberty and the and you think that happiness is exogenous it's outside happiness is not in that state or in that state it's in the State of Mind what's the closest word that we have to happiness in lash Kadesh Sim if you R uses phonetically Sim is similar to is a similar concept phonetically to which means to grow there's a big mistake the Western World makes and thinks that happiness is an end in of itself happiness is a byproduct of living a meaningful life that's the reason why rabo side says if has but everyone focus on the it's work it's work people we my my my day job is managing very famous people in the athletic world people got ridiculous amounts of money you know