Passover class: How We Develop Our Coping Mechanisms and How We Set Ourselves Free

[Music] little ler do you have control over the music to thank you [Music] you know [Music] okay good morning everybody [Music] welcome thank you for coming out today I know it's a hectic week a great opportunity to relax okay let's say a few capit for our brothers and sisters in and for all of the Jewish people [Music] okay since today is uh the eth day of Nissen so we'll begin with the way theum is divided for the month today would be Capal meal so let's say capalad which is 44 him for for man and I will say to B which is 122 and the one two afterwards which is 124 two after and the last capit of which is 150 the last one hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah okay so there's one uh One Source sheet on the bimma please take okay today's class is dedicated by and B Abrahams in honor of their children Mau Ayala Rael Rafal and David Gabriel thank you so so much to all of you and graciously dedicated also by re Ezra David Phillip blessings for all of the Jewish people and in honor of his first PES as a Jew mazeltov welcome [Music] on pesak the name that we call the pesak ceremony the pesak experience every Jew calls it the Seder the Seder that's what it's called in the s p and when you know the Seder the word seder refers to the evening of the Seder when you think about it it seems like somewhat of a strange name because what does the word seder mean s means order right a Seder structure and it's true the night has an order the Knight has a Seder it has a 15-step program kades Etc all the way to a few years ago one of before our PES classes we went through the 15 Steps and what they represent emotionally and psychologically and spiritually in our own life so there is a program and we announced in the beginning so whatever Melody they sing in your home so there is an exact order of the ceremony but the truth is take the prayers of R Ander also have a Seder like the prayers of every day have a Seder but we don't call it Seder a wedding for example there's a Seder how it's done but it's not called a Seder it's called a wedding it's called mus it's called we could have called it P the mitz of P or whatever the name the word s there doesn't tell us anything about the evening right it's just the word order yeah everything in Judaism has an order and a structure what we do first what we do last it's usually pretty meticulous and precise throughout the entire year and yet here the actual name is s so you could say well it's just coincidental it happens to be that yeah it got that name s really the word s doesn't capture what's happening s just means order right every day hopefully you have a s not only P but the truth is that does an expression that a accustomed by Jews a tradition has within it very profound meaning and relevant relevance and significance and the fact that but among all the Jewish people literally universally for Generations this came to be the name seder so the maharal of Prague says that actually this name is not just coincidental because there is an order and we follow the order so it came to have the name s but rather it actually captures one of the major maybe the major at least one of the major themes of the evening the question becomes a little stronger because I would say that one of the least order ordered nights in other words there is a s of how to do it but usually the night of pesak you wouldn't defined clearly as the most organized night um I don't think it's exaggeration to say that it can get pretty chaotic different personalities and different moods and people are exhausted so true there is a say there but the fact fact is that it can often be not so misud not so organized it's a lot happening and a lot of people and a lot going on and a lot to go through we eat very late at night and some people shrink different types of wine I mean there is a system a Seder but it's interesting that from all other experiences throughout the year some which seem to be much simpler and more organized it's only this one that came to get the name and acquire the name s the Mahal of prag is known as R of prag is known as the Mah he was born in 1512 and he passed away in 16009 he was the r of Prague and uh he was actually born during the PES the mar there whole story about his birth his mother went into labor middle of the Seder and they went to run you ever heard the story they went to run to get a midwife and uh this was during the era the maral was born in 1512 this was the era of the blood liels I mean the blood liels continued for hundreds of years but the maral himself as an adult as a rabbi dealt with terrible blood lials which accused Jews of using Christian blood for matah of PES and uh a kid would be killed a Christian kid would be killed and then they would accuse the Jews and sometimes it had often it had catastrophic effect it's known as the alas Dam the blood B the blood liel as they went out to look for a midwife they saw somebody running there was a man who had a sack with a dead baby a Christian kid that died and he wanted to throw it into the house of one of the Jewish homes and then accuse the Jews of killing this child to use for Christian blood this man saw people running he didn't know they were running to get a midwife because the maral's mother was going into labor he thought they're chasing him so he started to run and that alerted the crowd and he was caught and uh so the maral's birth itself was a tremendous moment of Salvation and then it's like it became almost like a prophecy because as he got older you know there's the famous story with the go theal developed the maral cult the maral dedicated a l of his life besides him being one of the most seminal thinkers of the day and his far still have an everlasting impact on Jewish thought and a great uh a great uh a great scholar and gone and leader this was one of his involvements so in any case the mar has a saer dedicated to PES called gemem the strength of hasem and there he addresses this question why this night from all nights is called Seder in order to appreciate this and understand this let's get in for a few moments to the general theme of what PES means in a person's life everybody knows the mishna says in and we say it in the every single year and it's a line that's become entrenched in the Jewish in every genertion a person ought to see themselves as though he or she went out today from and that's what we say in the because the point is that it's not just a memory of the past Nostalgia which is also beautiful or as somebody once said Nostalgia today is not what it used to be like but rather the point is like we say in the so theel says these days are remembered V reenacted re-experienced other words a memory in is not just I remember something that happened which is also a beautiful thing but it's in order to re-experience reenact it in a person's life even if geographically we're not exactly in the same position and physically leaving MIT on the night of the 15th of N and that's why we mention every single day because in every generation and every day there's this duty to go out of M what does that mean in a person's life physically the Jewish people were physically enslaved and they left so what is it exactly that the Seder is asking us to do even though it's a Mitzvah every day to mention but the Sader is a whole evening and holiday dedicated to this experience and the entire evening of the Seder is dedicated to this experience of and all of the mitzvas of the night the drinking the four cups of wine and of course the eating of the mat and the and the and the reclining and the sandwich and the haod and the Manana and everything all the way till the end are all designed around this theme of another element in the S we see is that the number four is highlighted you have of course the four cups of wine that kazal instituted to drink on the night of PES and that's an obligation on every Jew to drink the four cups of wine or if they can't drink wine grape juice although wine is better of course and there is of course we have the four questions four questions of the man those who do it in yish I will ask you four questions even though we have many more questions and some people probably don't have questions but there's four questions and then there is of course the four children as we spoke last year the four children the four so we have here a theme of four that pervades the Seder and it's not a mistake theel says theel writes that the number four is connected cabal is known as four worlds atas Bria and AIA because this world has parallel universes this is the physical world but it's the end of a evolutionary process from the spiritual to the physical so generally we know four worlds Bri the world of Oneness the world of creation the world of formation and the world of the material of action of physicality and theel says that the four cups of wine correspond to these four Worlds the four questions correspond to these four world worlds and not only that the four children also correspond to these four worlds it's an interesting thing that the four children is so says INE called in section 41 portal 41 says the first cup we drink for the Ben for the first child the second cup of wine we drink for the Ben Russia for the rebellious child or the challenging child The Tam the third cup we drink for the Tam which is the whole child or the complete child or the innocent child or the pure child or the Tam has a a lot of different meanings but literally Tam means complete or whole like and then you have the fourth cup for the child who doesn't know how to ask now it's interesting the said most of the said over which cup of wine you remember the second cup of wine right the first cup we drink and we do KES drink then we go to wash our hands we do carpa split the mat start asking Manana and the second cup is poured usually before the Manana and that cup is full throughout the entire all the way till the end when we make a blessing a and we drink the second cup of wine and now starts the second half of the S where you wash your hands and you eat the mat and you eat the m and you eat the sandwich and have the meal and then after the meal we bench and we drink a third cup of wine and then we finish the S with Hal and then we drink the last cup of wine but the majority the the meat and potato the bulk of the Seder of the hag is set on which Cup on the Second Cup who's the second cup paralleling the Ben Russia that's very interesting right this is also a support to what we spoke last week about the the other previous years what the is telling us here but I wanted to discuss what is the significance of four the reason the four is so important is because in our personal Exodus of Egypt there are four stat four stages I mentioned in a previous class that the four children not just four children around the table it's four children inside of us four parts inside of us and only when I learn how to speak to all the parts in myself can I speak to every different type of child because if not my relationship could become very challenging if in other words whenever somebody speaks especially a child if you want to address a child if I can't find that child in myself if I don't first have a conversation with that child inside of me very often the conversation with that child will be to put it simply not the way it could have been because I'm I could get very very triggered but if I could find that child inside myself and have a conversation internally and that conversation may take just a few seconds you may not have a few hours to meditate it is much easier and usually much more productive and meaningful and loving the way I can actually react to that child so the four dimensions here are always inside and then from the inner it also goes to the outer there's four stages or maybe let's call it four tools or four dimensions in a person's Journey out of MIT what does the word MIT mean the word MIT means Egypt but like every word in Lashes in Hebrew it has significance it has meaning it's not just geography a place in the map called Egypt the word MIT as we spoke many times comes from the word is literally a boundary right what it represents here is when a person is stuck in a very confined and closed area that's what the word matar is that's why the word means distressful orar is stingy very very narrow tight you know when I'm in a very tight tight straights or a person is restricted confined limited hampered obstructed I'm just using different words from the Sor from the but you get the concept we have an in Lamentations says all those who pursu reached her because B she was between borders she was between Straits and therefore stuck very easy to find she didn't have the expansiveness therefore we understand that MIT is much more than a geographical location MIT exists in a person and the that I have to deal with and every person in their own way is what are the coping mechanisms that I have developed in my life in order to survive but those coping mechanisms are keeping me confined very limited maybe bitter maybe fearful uh maybe insecure maybe guilty uh maybe detached maybe numb or dis speared God forbid or whatever it is but the MIM are those aspects that I have to I have an opportunity to look at and really ask myself what are the different patterns that I may have developed and this is not necessarily because a person chose them some of us are born into some Jews went down into MIT and some Jews were already born into MIT and what that means psychologically and emotionally is that life is always a combination and a marriage between so many different factors what we call nature and nurture there is the contribution of my genetic composition there is the contribution of my family life of my community of my school of my upbringing of the people closest to me there are things that are intrinsic and part of my nature things I have inherited what we call epigenetics there's things that I develop and that combination of factors creates the person that I am today some of those Creations are some of those things that were created people created are amazing incredible but is the opportunity to be able to look at all those things patterns instincts behaviors uh proclivities Temptations and most important importantly patterns of thinking that govern my emotions and govern my reactions and govern my attitudes now we understand why has to be done every day it's a blessing it's a blessing for a person to be able to examine each day and tune in to the mits in my life which is the prerequisite for Liberation because if I don't call it a CO if I don't call it m if I called my MIT Redemption right if my Exile becomes Redemption so then what happens is I remain stuck there it's only when I can identify that this is a place of such narrowness where my reactions are coming from a place of such limitedness inside of me what are these thoughts that are causing me to be so enslaved to this way of thinking or feeling this requires inner work curiosity to be able to look inside rather than blame everybody around me for my reactions true the people around me certainly trigger me in one way or another but everybody reacts based on who they are how I process what you're saying or what you're being or what you're doing and that has so much to do with my internal makeup and here we're going to learn about four steps four steps in this and I'll just out outline them very very briefly the first is the second is R the third is and the fourth is the first step is always to be able to tune in to my Divine Consciousness that's step one that's the says in two words means the ability to say ma to say what says about himself what are we and Ma is really the place of a person where I'm not stuck in an ego Ma I can therefore be free to ask to be curious to say what says you're attacking us as though this is about arrogance I'm just a channel so which is represented by the which is the source of all wisdom is the ability to go into a person's own Infinity egoless State of Consciousness as we'll see the Divine soul but that's not enough it's the beginning now I have to look at the now I have to look in order in order to go out of Egypt two things have to happen I have to identify what my Egypt looks like even equally important I have to identify that there's a possibility out if all there is is MIT there's no vision of Redemption how am I going to get out so there's two things first of all I have to identify the darkness and then I have to identify the ability to transcend that darkness and that's why there's two steps the is number one identifying my Divine soul but then I have to identify What's called the Ben Russia the the the challenges the mechanisms that have been formed or that I may continue to form literally in my brain they neural Pathways of how I react to life which caused me to remain stuck that's step two step three is called Tam and Tam literally means complete and that is that there is a vision of completion in the entire process which is why it's called s there as we will see and then the fourth step is which according to this explanation it's actually an upgrade in the sense that a person becomes comfortable not knowing literally means a person who doesn't know how to ask so it's like I'm completely not interested but there's also the element of sh that it represents a place that's deeper than a need to ask so what are we talking about what are these four stages so let's begin with the first one which is the and we have different sources here so we're going to go through them the First Source is from the t z chapter 47 where he outlines the point and he says and I quote in every single generation every day a person ought to re-experience the of Egypt what does this mean it's the emancipation of the Divine soul is the Divine Consciousness from what can become a prison what could be a prison a jail because the soul is contained in a body and if a person does not work on their that body can become a prison and it's called in which means the skin of the snake referring to that original snake what does this look like so that the Divine Soul becomes subsumed col from the word to be subsumed in the Oneness of the light of infinity Blessed Be he generally through the immersion of specifically when a person accepts the kingdom the presence of Heaven during the because the is designated explicitly for one to access and absorb the Oneness of and that's what we say so even though all of are designed to help the soul liberate itself specifically it's the what we call which is designed to say which is the access accessing oness what is the balat teaching here starts inside of me I can operate on two different levels of consciousness this is a major theme of the Tanya in general we operate not on one level of Consciousness but on many levels of consciousness depends on the hour depends on the day depends who I'm talking to depends how I'm triggered depends on what's going on depends how many PES preparations I still have to do we can operate on different levels of Consciousness one level but generally two of them I mean there's so many there's endless levels of consciousness but generally here we're talking about two there's What's called the and the theam is the animal Consciousness is the Divine Consciousness the animal Consciousness is governed by one pattern and the pattern is I need to survive and that's the function of an animal to survive and that's not a bad thing it's a very good thing and theam which is also known as the is the biological Soul it's responsible for the rhythms and the biological systems of the body so the brain has within it this Consciousness that is incredible incredible in its functionality and its Brilliance and its Precision running around 60 F in charge of 60 or 70 trillion cells each one doing its job so that we should be able to live and survive B and this miracle of biology the animal Consciousness is responsible the says the soul that is inside the blood because it's the circulation of the blood that allows for all of the nutrients and all of the oxygen to be able to be transported and carried to each and every one of cell the cell giving it the life force the Vitality vivifying it animating it allowing it to function according to the exact plan of the body that's beautiful that's amazing and every animal has it actually every living organism has it right that's why you call it neam it's a soul that animates every single organ organism that is alive whether it's a mammal or a fish or a reptile or an insect and then you have what's similarly on a different level you know trees and vegetation and produce which also have it's called the so the life force that gives them vitality and it's not just Vitality each one has an exact detailed plan according to the DNA today we know about the DNA which is in every single Jin known the gim in every single cell a double copy of the gim that has the blueprint and the manual of how this body needs to function function so it's incredible Beyond incredible but the key is I need to survive that's the key that's its job now I need to breathe I'm too hot I'm too cold I need to go to the bathroom I'm hungry I'm starving I'm exhausted these this is the language of the neam in this process of survival it develops different mechanisms that will allow it to survive and this is where MIT comes in because as a result of nature nurture and everything else my my animal Consciousness May develop so many different coping mechanisms which it in its mind maybe as a 2-year-old or a three-year-old will help it survive and those patterns become entrenched and encoded in the brain and therefore in the body my nervous system this is the it's it's the it's the Brilliance of the animal soul that it it develops all of these patterns and and and ways of functioning in order for it to be able to function well now some of those things are incredible so for example and the Brain itself has so many different parts but if you take what's known as the the stem of the brain that migdala which is really they call it sometimes The Reptilian Brain The Reptilian Brain because it's the part of the brain that's similar to a reptile in the sense that it's not about emotions or connection it's really about surv survival it has the Instinct for survival and it alerts us to what is dangerous and what is not dangerous so if God forbid there's a fire in the house and the fire alarm goes off and you know those fire alarms right you can function when they're going off it's like thundering thundering L that's exactly the point yes don't sleep wake up get out of this house call the fire department that migdala is the fire alarm in our brain which alerts us to here is danger there is a lion coming there is a tiger coming there's smoke there's a fire there is danger that is a tremendous gift that a person has that every animal has actually it's a tremendous tremendous gift what happens if I don't know the code how to shut off the fire alarm right so 20 years later it's still ringing or I'm born into the fire alarm I didn't even know there's something else right or the fires are happening so often it's going on constantly or it's broken so when you put on your havdalah candle it goes off and when you light your stove it goes off no it's not dangerous but it doesn't know there's something off it's supposed to be for a fire but now every time you light a match because you want to light your shabas candle candle you have candle you just put on your stove in order to cook up some rice or quinoa and the fire alarm gate M nobody's blaming it but that's what that migdala develops different patterns so if as a child I didn't feel safety because one of the key aspects of the animal Consciousness to gun is safety every animal needs safety every animal needs connection attachment the migdala says this is not safe this is not safe this is not safe this is not safe and when the fire alarm goes off I can't really function it's very hard to sit and meditate it's simply too deafening it's very hard to breathe to pause because that's and that's exactly the point it's trying to make you uncomfortable so when that migdala takes over it shuts down other parts of the brain known as the lyic brain which is connected to emotions prefrontal cortex over here which is connected to long-term thinking and morality and Reckoning and reasoning and empathy and sensitivity because it has to focus on one thing survival and literally the body changes this is one example of how the Brilliance of the neus to develop itself and sometimes for a person who didn't have that safety that mdah has taken over in a very very powerful way and now 30 40 years later my fire alarm may be going off constantly even when you're lighting a half dollar candle which means my wife or my husband may say something to me that is very benign very innocent my child made something say to me that's very Innocent but what did I hear danger danger danger danger there's a fire in this house there's a lion in this house and I'm reacting in such an intense way now my amigdala doesn't say hey by the way this is your amigdala talking this is called This is called a very deep childhood wound don't take it so seriously we'll work it out that's not what that migdala says that mdala has been trained to say there's a lie in this room who is going to mow you to pieces I you look at this child they're not lions that doesn't matter that migdala says this is danger this is danger this spouse is danger this situation is danger with strangers these patterns don't come out so much because with strangers we have that distant you know we meet for five minutes and we go on we go out for coffee and if it's not going so well you're going home I'm going home but with people that we are together with so many hours a day things are triggered right that's why family is The Crucible in which civilization is developed right family in a way is the hardest thing but it's the only real thing where relationships are developed right that's why marriage is such a sacred thing in Judaism today in the secular World less and less people want to get married a guy once told me he says what do I need it for why should I get into a fight why should I get into a fight let's just meet casually you know once a week twice a week for a few hours and everybody goes back home there's a comfort in that because nothing will challenge me in the same way because if we had not a good fine I go home you go home it's in the institution of marriage and generally family relationships where to say it bluntly we trigger The Living Daylights out of each other but that's how we work through this is the opportunity this is the opportunity for all human growth when the T says why Adam should marry says it's not good for Adam to be alone if he's alone he'll just remain stuck in all of his stuff it's right AER that allows Adam to become and it's who allows to become and somehow God knows exactly who to put with whom in order for me or you to be triggered exactly the way have to be triggered this is one of the Miracles of creation right the right person to trigger literally every right button and now one of two things can happen either I could dig in deeper with my with my um claws into my into my and get angry at the whole world besides myself really just responding to my own fear or I can say what does look like what you m looks like is to be able to identify these patterns now in every person these patterns are different I was giving one example what if for example you know we spoke about this numerous times if myd was so alerting me to such powerful danger say emotional danger a child who did not get the love the attachment they needed to be able to develop their core no core is developed without attachment John bulby is the one in our generation in the 50s or 60s who was one of the big scientists and doctors who explained the value of attachment then he had students like Su johnon and others who really developed it he developed it for childhood and then for marriage and you know in those days in the 50s and 60s you couldn't stay with your child in the hospital right the parents were sent home and it was considered uh uh counterproductive to show too much affection to children because you're not going to turn them into men you're not going to turn them into powerful people with confidence like separation and Detachment was almost seen as a sacred thing especially the countries that developed so many scientists like Germany Etc the distance was something to be celebrated that's what makes a man a man you take responsibility and your boy will grow up to be a boy now like everything there's always a truth right this masculinity is a special gift and that requires strength and confidence and a certain sense of taking responsibility for your own life but John Balby was saying that culture is making a terrible mistake if in minimizing the value of attachment because attachment is at the core of developing a confident personality the child who's feeling attached can then grow up to become an independent human being the child who never got attachment is looking for that attachment everywhere and if I'm still looking for that attachment everywhere so then I'm using the people I'm coming in contact with to tell me that I matter it's very hard for me to give it's very hard for me to be present in a relationship because I'm still a three-year-old who looks like a 52y old huh yeah so John Balby nobody believed wanted to say muga and he actually did videos of baboons he showed how bamboon who didn't have attachment they died the babies died they weren't held they weren't nurtured and it it really if you could if somebody could goes to the to the to the hospital with their child nobody should need it the fact that you could stay there overnight in the room and nobody even thinks otherwise he gets credit for that he changed it I think 1962 63 it's an interesting story but he had to use baboons to show right that being alone at a young age is not going to Foster confidence on the contrary it's going to Foster terrible terrible insecurity cuz I don't know who I am it's the attachment that allows me to to know who I am to give a very simple example I you all know this you're standing in the kitchen and preparing for shabas and you have a 2-year-old or a three-year-old or a four-year-old sitting in the family room nearby playing Lego and she's very content and he's very content as long as every six or seven or 8 minutes that little girl or little boy looks up and sees mommy or tati a few feet away in the kitchen right and she goes back or he goes back he goes back to playing with her his Lego she goes back to playing with her dolls whatever it is what happens if she looks up and mommy is not there she doesn't continue to play say oh now I'm going to be independent we go searching for Mommy okay so hopefully mommy is in the bedroom mommy's in another room fine but what if mommy is not in the bedroom and mommy is in no room in the house what happens it's not like okay Mommy will come back I'm going back to the Lego that's not what happens now a search begins and if the search doesn't yield results there could be panic and tears and hysteria so you see the Paradox as long as mommy's in the kitchen or tati's in the kitchen and I know that that safety is there I could actually be me and do my own thing CU I'm not really interested in anything but playing with my games or my Lego but the moment that's not there it's not like I'm going back to I need it I'm looking for that safety and what happens if that child did not get that so sometimes the migdala says right and it's not so sophisticated but it's real it's Primal emotional feelings are very dangerous for you because if you're going to feel emotions you know what else you're going to feel you're going to feel that you don't have connection you don't have attachment so what if I could tell myself I don't really need love I don't really need attachment you see what that M does it's a way of being safe if I don't need attachment I could be safe without attachment so what do I do but we do need attachment so what do I do I disconnect from my emotions that's called emotional disassociation now in you it works very well for me because nobody's interested in my emotions they just want you to learn well less emotions better just St away suddenly this great b gets the best girl in the world cuz he stagged away so much cuz he had emotional disassociation and now you know is I'm saying this a little humorously you get the point but uh now suddenly what works in Yeshiva is not working at home right so she starts poking at his emotions cuz she wants to see that and suddenly she becomes a threat for him she becomes a threat because she's the only one who's triggering the pain that he put a lid over 20 years ago 25 years ago he put a lid there and he put nails inside and now you want to start doing no no no no no this is gone this has been sold long ago there was the of he was a very sharp they called him so once his wife asked him p in the morning Isel you got rid of the you got rid of all the he was very sharp and he had these sharp remarks he tells his wife I got rid of all the but there's one piece of one piece of in the house that I can't get rid of I can get rid of so she says Isa you don't have to worry that piece of it's my father 35 years ago sold to a guy it's [Laughter] fine you don't have to worry about it we're good so you know I I sold that part don't don't start checking for that K and it's hard to go to MIT is hard because I have to look at things that have maybe confined me for so many years and each of us has our own coping mechanisms our own little PTSD large one or small one whatever that means in a person's life based on again their life story their unique challenges their mission so this is what the bat says begins with knowing that there's always a kiss just like I have a is an animal Consciousness you also always have a Divine Soul the Divine soul is called aish that is so critical that even with all my coping mechanisms that I may have developed and some of them May be frankly crippling some may some may have really really limited me to live in a bubble a bubble never mind if some vicious things happened in a kid's life never mind if there was not just neglect that too could be caused developmental uh wounds and Trauma Etc but never mind if there was some other serious things emotionally physically Etc who can even imagine the coping mechanisms that people cultivate we have a few therapists here in the room you know very very well about the patients that come to see you it's been 20 years 30 years 40 Years of coping mechanisms that can literally destroy a life because it's very hard to have emotional intimacy very hard to be transparent very hard to have a relationship with somebody there's so many so many internal voices and wounds and then you have the internal critic that mdala wants to keep you safe so what if it decided at 3 years old that you're not safe and you cannot trust yourself cuz you're a little three year old what does that mdala do mdala says you know in ifs called the protectors I will show up and I will protect you how will I protect you so you have now an internal critic anybody knows what I'm talking about that speaks for 24 hours a day seven days a week never rests even chabas no rest because it doesn't trust chabas either on Country chabas becomes more crazy and this internal critic doesn't stop it doesn't stop you walk into a Mitzvah it has what to say you walk into a has what to say you walk into a you leave a you go to take a coffee it's like and even right now as I speak it's probably it's probably talking you have 30 seconds for magic solution if you have it let me [Laughter] know it it's hard it could be so crippling to people it's hard for people to celebrate to be present because there's a part that doesn't let me be present I want to play I want to play ball with my child this is irresponsible is coming you have to learn you have to be busy you have to do this you didn't do this you didn't do that but always has what always has what to say and it's brilliant of how it finds always the weak spot you know the weak spot to to pounce on and highlight it it always finds what's wrong with the present experience in a paradoxical way it's actually trying to protect us it's trying to protect us to be on alert 24/7 don't say stupid things don't do these are mims that we need to identify but the good news is that there's always a NE kiss there's a Divine Consciousness that is at the core of every every one of us and that Divine Consciousness doesn't operate based on debilitating or crippling coping mechanisms the ne since it's a derivative of infinity always remains infinite what doesn't mean it always remains infinite it always remains a Channel of divine Consciousness it's like a piece of H like a fragment of the Divine like a nit a spark it's a derivative of Hashem so to speak and it's embodied in us that's what he's calling it The means can I identify every single day that aspect of my Consciousness which is really at the core of everything and really identify with it as my best friend you're my best friend because in that know there's always confidence there's always Oneness there's always Inner Strength that's why we say about hasem every morning in from in space there's confidence and there's joy so the ne always has inner confidence because it knows who it is it never doubts itself and it's also full of joy it's also full of love it's full of love CU it reflects the Creator it's a channel it's literally a channel for it's not separate it never becomes separate and that's why it can never be destroyed all the messages in the world mayd may say this is a dangerous world this is a dangerous way you can't destroy its creativity you can't destroy its its power its resilience it's full of promise and curiosity and inquisitiveness and compassion and creativity and joy and inner inner power it's also filled with the ability to be fully present in the moment cuz it's not trying to protect itself it's doesn't have to be confrontational it's not egotistical it's open it's real it's authentic it's it could be vulnerable yeah very good that's going to be cup two I know that but I don't want to deal with my without first understanding my neiss because if I only have aam I can come to the conclusion that I'm just sick and that's what people sometimes do cuz it's so powerful and debilitating I just I'm a sick person but that's not true that's why Always identifies the fact that I'm not essentially a slave I may be living like a slave parts of me may have become a slave that's true I may have made a lot of mistakes because of that but there's no such a thing that that is who I am parro wants to say you belong in Egypt forever no slave gets out of Egypt what does that mean it's the voice inside of me that says what are you searching for this this is reality this is the only reality I don't have that ability to be able to pause and look and say wow do I really have to react that way there's no introspection par doesn't want you to have introspection even for a moment that's why when mha says send let my people go he says we have to increase the labor cuz people have too much time to think and dream of Freedom n you're lazy if we can work you harder you'll stop you get rid of all of these uh callous irresponsible dreams and aspirations that are making you miserable in other words accept your life as a slave as intrinsic and eternal and then you'll be fine and we have that voice inside of us that voice inside of him he says this is who I am there's nothing else and the truth is when I'm in that space it's exactly what it feels like that means par has taken over and then there's m m is the voice of the and M Challen Alles Pirates all inside by the way these are not forces outside you know our brain is a very interesting little guy cuz he has like a thousand people inside talking and two of them are mosa and Par and and and mosa says you know your destiny is freedom your destiny is not slavery you don't belong to par you don't belong under tyranny these are coping mechanisms that have developed fine I get it and this is where the when we talk about the Yahara the transformation of the Yahara Yahara really is the inclination which sometimes can bring us to very negative places but it's rooted in the animals desperation for survival when a person loses their temper when I get angry aggressive even overwhelmed my anxiety it's really my animal crying out desperate for survival and this is how I know how to survive so the ne the beginning of is to identify the voice ofu and it says it says the Jews couldn't hear M because they were out of breath and they were slave laboring whenever I'm entrenched in patterns and continuous Cycles I can't even stand back and pause it says that mosha convinced pyate to give the Jews a day of rest right that's how mosa was the one who introduce shabas he told par if you want them to work better the six days give them a day of rest and then later when Hashem told M about the Mitzvah of shabas M was overjoyed because it was his idea on his own and that's why we say in daving of shabas so the say says because this was M's contribution what does what's that idea in life if I never pause it becomes so part of my nature I don't even know that there's anything else I don't even know there's another alternative this is what's called self-reflection self-reflection in a good way like can I be curious about what just happened and ask myself just with curiosity why why did I feel I need to react that way to my wife to my children to my friend to whoever sent me this WhatsApp whatever it is what is it and I I may discover very powerful things maybe I just felt terribly unsafe so it's not the other person who's evil or crazy or sick although the other person may have their own challenges and usually that's what happens you know your trauma triggers my tra traum my trauma triggers your trauma and it becomes one big chent so that that may be true but that's what the B once said that when I see the flaws in somebody else I should realize there's always a mirror what does that mean doesn't mean that nobody has flaws but it means my response has very little to do with you it has a lot to do with what I'm experiencing with what I'm hearing what I'm seeing and that honest reflection is a blessing because it allows me not to be stuck so the first step is to experience the ne to understand and be aware and develop a language to make my soul my best friend and the Soul experiences this the soul can experience itself andat puts it all of are designed to help in other words anything I learn in any Mitzvah I do is really it's a mechanism it's a tool not just to cope and survive but to access my soul my Divine soul my especially because what's the soul is one experiences Oneness it lives in Oneness that's why love is so natural for it because love means we're one that's what love is love means I don't want to be separate the need for separation is always coming from a coping mechanism that needs to protect my ego and we understand why I feel unsafe and then myar can take over and become a monstrous self-centered very brutal person what about separating from Evil so we say great question we say those who love hem loath evil because they come together when you love life you despise that which wants to destroy life when you love love you loathe that which wants to destroy love but it's not because you're a hater it's because you're a lover the philosophy that says I only love I don't have any hate in my heart is a fallacy it's not true if I love a child I must loathe that drive of an animal to destroy that child I may be able to say that this person was you know brainwashed and indoctrinated and this is the only way they have to live but it doesn't take away the hatred to evil Behavior and sometimes people we all know this very well in our own gen I mean in Old Generations right sometimes people they lose their Divine image you know they they fall prey to the evil Instinct and that's who they become and then sadly we can't differentiate anymore but when somebody wants to kill a child or an adult an innocent person and I say you know I'm just a lover then I'm an accomplice to to to to the murder so it's so those boundaries those boundaries are critical but they're boundaries of love because because I want a world of love I want a world of Justice I want a world of Innocence yeah I hate the fact that there's ra and that there's people that descend to that that that fall prey to that so that's not a negative thing that's a very positive thing after Messiah comes when the image of God will be revealed in every person and then every person will live according to their trest Divine self then we won't need that anymore but when we live in a different world sadly so make sense it's a very it's a subtle question love people who hurt you I mean sometimes the people we love most hurt us most so it's a subtle thing there's always a differentiation between the Act and the person there's also different types of you know there's there's it's a very very subtle issue but the point is that living a life of love doesn't exclude boundaries to protect that love if I don't protect that love that love is going to be squandered we have to protect that love just like a child needs protection that love needs protection it shouldn't be used it shouldn't be squandered it shouldn't be abused it shouldn't be manipulated it shouldn't be exploited you know when we talk about boundaries they're not selfish boundaries to protect our love to protect our innocence Are Holy boundaries right those are holy they protect rather than limit some some walls are limited and some of them are protective by the the kala goes around seven times yeah why I know it's been many years but you know you remember why you went around seven times so one of the reasons is because every home needs walls every home needs boundaries the seven times correspond to the seven days of the week every but every home needs those boundaries and a woman has that sixth sense of knowing what belongs in the house and what doesn't belong in the house right that's why the K the washing Basin and the mishar and the B mik was made from the mirrors that the women donated what's the connection to K is the Basin that the Kim would wash bathe their arms their their hands and their feet before they went into the bik in other words it was responsible for determining what stays outside because it's filthy and what goes inside and that happened to be done from the mirrors of the women so those are the boundaries that protect the goodness so the neiss is always in that state of Oneness and that's what has means it's in a state of Oneness and a state of of of very very deep connection but can't only come with identifying the because I have a and that's why we come to step two which is the second cup of wine and that's what we call Russia and Russia here means the challenging parts of me that's also part of my because those challenging Parts I have to make space for them if I don't identify what those restricted mechanisms are how can I leave them in other words we cannot just spiritually bypass our animal Consciousness it doesn't work that way I can't make believe I don't have an amigdala I can't make believe I don't have a lyic brain these are all parts of me and they all contribute and they have voices in other words par can live inside of me and if I delegitimize it because I have a Divine Soul what happens is it's called spiritual bypassing I bypass who I am and I go into that very beautiful space and when it's working it's working but when it doesn't work it comes back to bite me and haunt me and then I wonder what just happened why did I get so triggered and that's why is a daily a because there's always working with that animal Soul making space for those challenging voices and then lovingly and with empathy having that ability to be able to talk to it calm it down caress it give it what it needs and then say there's an adult in this house and you're safe and let Mommy make the decisions that right your baby falls and says call right you don't ignore it you check and you see there's a little little scratch so mom's going to get a banded we don't have to call out we don't judge the baby for saying oh screaming we also don't minimize it and make believe it's nothing we check it out there's an adult in the house and we say if it's dangerous yes we'll take some serious measures and if not let me hold you for a few minutes and ice cream is always good and a few minutes later we're all calm our animal soul is a child it's a three-year-old and it's screaming it's screaming it's screaming there's a lion in the room you're going to die you're going to die of course you have to get upset of course you have to run away of course you have to go into freeze of course you have to go into fight of course you have to go into flight of course you have to go into Fawn you're crazy if not I'm here for you I've been doing this 45 years for you you listen to me now I know you better better than everybody you're going to start telling me you went to some class on PES really that's I'm the one who's lived with you for 45 years protecting you from every mug in this world don't start preaching to me something you heard nice but that migdala says it much better than I will ever say it you know why cuz I'm using words doesn't use words am uses your nervous system and your Sensations I'm using words it's great words you can listen to you can go out can go out from the other but you're nervous system doesn't go out from the other ear the nervous system is the bridge between the mind and the body so the whole body is now reacting that's why when people are unaware of their bodies of their goof there's no real healing because we hear ideas people wonder they go to classes and seminars and workshops and they do beautiful things and in TAS it doesn't change the reason is because the body has its own language the body has its own language it's not words the body has it its disposal every Instinct in the world so suddenly I'm feeling that I'm feeling it in my body and that's why the second stage of that's why most of the is set on the second cup which is the Ben R please let most of the be set on the the answer is an essential part of the work of is cultivating a relationship with all the parts of my body with all the parts of my animal Soul yes if I don't know about my Divine soul I don't make it my best friend I don't have a reference point I'm not anchored in that place of absolute spiritual health but now my work is to communicate between the two Souls so real is that I have constant conversations between my Divine soul and my animal Soul when we can have those conversations inside of ourselves now we can have real conversations with other people on the same level if my animal Soul this just popped into me but I think it's true probably the best marriages in the world are marriages where each one of the two parties the husband and wife have ongoing conversations in themselves between their animal soul and their Divine Soul CU if a husband and a wife has that conversation inside of themselves they can have almost any conversation with the with with their spouse because yeah I know my animal soul I know my Divine soul I don't have to run here I don't have to run there I don't have to delegitimize any part of me so then I don't have to delegitimize any part of you if if I have to delegitimize Parts in me I'm always going to be delegitimizing Parts in other people can't work any other way the way I don't do is I amputate I repress I suppress so now I'm going to do it with my kids I'll do it with my wife I'll do it with everybody because that's my Mo that's my motar when we have those conversations inside of us and those are the two first cups of wine the and it's a different level of communication then I can actually imagine I could say to somebody who I'm very close with what you just said has triggered my trauma and I am ready to run to New Zealand for 8 and 1/2 years it's not my soul it's my trauma in other words I have had a conversation already inside that's incredible that means you could be completely honest and transparent without running away from the relationship because we acknowledge that yeah there's a part of me that is very very scared or there's a part of me that's very unsafe or there's a part of me that's overwhelmed there's a part of me that's very insecure there's a part of me that just needs validation incessantly there's a part of me that feels worthless there's a part of me that feels responsible for everybody and everything there there is part of me that needs to be God whatever it is those are parts that develop those are my MIT they're not mistakes now we come to the third step the third child is Tom what does Tom mean complete what's complete what's complete so this is a third step and it's very very powerful and this was articulated through a beautiful teaching from the B it's the second s such a fascinating way of looking at a person's life he says as follows there is a king who is means he rules the world like it says about he sends a loyal servant to go to different countries and portray himself as a traitor a beded mored is somebody who is a VI he's um huh a traitor who destined whose designation is he wants to arouse and trigger a revolution against the king he wants to overthrow the king and create a mutiny that's his job who sent him the king the king wants to see what type of relationship the subjects have with him who they are for real so he send somebody to go arouse and stimulate uh chaos which is how Revolution begins people are discontent see how miserable they are understand what's happening really the king self comes everybody will just tell him what they want he wants to hear cuz they're afraid so he sends a separate person who is so to speak an enemy in order to figure out what's really happening so what happens he goes from country to Country so the B says there were three different reactions there were those who were very loyal to the king so what did they do some of the regions they said you traitor out of here and they declared war on him but the problem is the king sent the him with defense the king sent him with an anage so they had to fight they fought him and they dominated him they controlled him out we don't have traitors like you we are loyal to the king that was one group Next group others said you know what we like you we also never like this King let's work together and they they made peace with him they embraced him now you would think this is where the mush would stop you get the point basically the B is giving here an example of the Yahara who's coming and speaking in a very very uh authoritative voice on his own some of us send him away fight him destroy him get control wrestle control back from him out of my life some surrender you would think that's the musall says no there was a third group what was the third group it's amazing that he says this there was one place they were very wise they realized that he was just sent by the king they realized that this is all from the King himself that's what they realized huh they saw through him they saw through him the first one is very impressive like I'm not going to accept a traitor out and he fights him and that's very powerful the second one Falls prey to weaken the third one sees through and says I know who you are I know who you are and that's why the mus is mipa means that the king is really in control of the whole world what does this really mean this is describing the third level of which is called time wholesomeness and that is when we realize that the animal Soul itself is also really an extension of the Divine Soul the polarity that we make is an important polarity I have to know the difference between my coping mechanisms and my Divinity between my Infinity and my fears it's very important because if not I'll get stuck but there's also a deeper Journey here and that is everything I'm dealing with is not a mistake it's not because I'm a tragedy because my life is a mess because you're destined to have chaos that's not the point even thear himself the neam itself it's camouflaged it's camouflaged as an enemy of the king simply to be able to teach me and guide me what my work is so when we're in a relationship with ourselves in relationship with other people there's certain things we have to work through so people get very upset why do I have to deal with all these copy why did this happen to me why couldn't I grow up this is not a mistake this is essential to your mission this is Central to your purpose it takes away blame right exactly the blame and the guilt and the shame the inner shame cuz sometimes we know that there's no blame but deep down there's unconscious blame unconscious guilt there's people I know who went on very serious spiritual Journeys and they were hurt badly in life and somebody once told me the worst the hardest person to forgive was herself and it it would seem paradoxical it's hard for me to for give this one that one but as children we are so vulnerable and loving and fragile we take the blame on ourselves and we don't even know it so now it's been 30 40 50 years later this person is blaming themselves 24/7 but they don't even know it they don't call it blame they call it reality that's what happens it becomes reality py says I am reality you belong here but it's really an endless internal blaming that doesn't allow me to be present doesn't allow me to celebrate it doesn't allow me to be able to be present with a child or a grandchild and just enjoy like see the miracle of presence because there's always a voice that takes me away from that that voice is something I need to work through but on the other hand I need to know and this is the point that this great enemy of the king is essentially a of the king so that every part of me is just a tool for Gula it's a tool for Redemption the animal soul is not just some tragic random mistake that I ended up with but there is hope because you have a Divine Soul it's much deeper than that yes there's and then there's Tom is bringing that completion and it's true individually and it's true collectively and here we come to an amazing Insight by the Mah if you take a look at the third one the reason it's called s remember we started the class why is it called s order this is not such an orderly night you want order sit down serve one course drink one cup and let's bench and go to sleep we'll have order the answer is says the Seder night embodies one of the main messages it's not just the rituals of the evening but it's our life story there is a rhythm to the madness even if I can't identify it always that's what he says what is the moral teaching us here when things happened to us when things happened to us the journeys of our life the journeys as children as in our parents' home in our schools in our communities the journeys now in our lives as adults every one of us he's saying it's not a coincidence it's not happen stance it's not random what we're experiencing in our life has a Sader Sader there's an order there's a rhythm there's a design there's a purpose even if it's not appearing to me even if it seems the exact opposite some people look at their lives and what they see is the exact antithesis of a just like when you come into a house you look at a say they right already by KES Yan poured the wine onto your K onto your husband's K and has another something else happened and this one this one that one and it's absolute chaos the idea of seder is not that everything is tidy and perfect sometimes that's great and if you could do that galic but it's the ability to be able to look at this situation right now right here right now and say seder doesn't always have to look the way I think it has to look sometimes say there has a secret Rhythm and an order because our lives are orchestrated by the master of the universe who guides every life and every journey and it's this awareness we want to discover at the Seder night now the awareness here again it's not philosophical only because that doesn't help my nervous system and that's where we talk about Tam the ability of of of appreciating that there there's a wholeness and that wholeness doesn't always look whole we have two Souls we have different struggles [Music] and well these are four children inside of us so the T represents that part complete the word means wholesome what do you mean wholesome there's this battle inside of me there is a battle inside of me but at the core there is a wholeness behind that battle because like the says here this person that was sent by the king to create all this Ruckus and trouble is really a what does it mean he's a it means that if I could understand if I could see through the outer facade there is an invitation here for healing for rejuvenation for Discovery I say I don't need these types of I get that we have to get to the fourth step still why yob was called is yakob is called ish yakov's jakob's life was tumultuous and yakob had a lot of battles to fight and then he had the biggest battle inside of himself that night that mysterious night when his name changed from Yakov to is his ability to be able to sustain that battle was hisim his Tam is not just like I'm naive you know you're a you're naive here we're talking about something that's much deeper than na it's aimus it's a sense of holess and completion that doesn't come from something that looks complete it comes actually from ities from differences from right and therefore in that tus the two Souls develop a language of empathy of understanding I don't surrender to every temptation of my animal Consciousness because that's not going to help me on the contrary but it's the ability to understand that this fellow who's telling me go against the king go against them go against them essentially what he really saying is don't read my lips read my soul you know how presidents say you know read my lips you remember that no taxes don't don't always read my lips right like we learned we learned once in a sh about H I say last week H right blunt teeth whoever heard of such an idea your son asks you a question you don't like okay let me get a hammer boom and you think that helps anybody you could try it I mean I don't think it's going to be that effective at the s or any other night especially this Russ is probably not four years old anymore probably at least 18 he spends a few hours in the gym so I wouldn't I wouldn't suggest to anybody to take a hammer and start blunting his teeth even if you could the bottom line here h of means Look blunted Teeth don't get rattled by teeth teeth bite and sometimes I can hear such a biting remark and I get rattled and like you use your teeth I'll use my teeth and my teeth are sharper than your teeth H go deeper than the teeth blunt the teeth go beyond the sh see the soul rather than the teeth because the teeth may be very aggressive and they may bite me and hurt but if I could see what is beyond the Shai am I can come to a place of T I can come to a place of of wholeness of Innocence and it's it's so so so those teeth it's like the B's messenger of the king who's saying let's betray treason I hear what you're saying but I I I go deeper than your words I know what who you really are you were a tool you was sent in order to be able to help me become the person I'm supposed to become I'm fine I have my journey and the same is true with different challenges in our life it's hard this doesn't mean it's not easy easy it's it's hard that's why we have the first two stages we have to know that there's different forces and means identifying identifying Redemption identifying identifying and then there's the place where we could look and say it's all part of one picture it's all part of a s there yeah bombarded us and nothing happened and then said but what about October 7 it's part of the same picture I [Music] so this this this this what you're mentioning here is a very powerful illustration for this on a national level and on a global level right what happened this Sunday M shabas after 2 a.m. the 6th of niss and 5784 will still be studied for centuries I believe especially by military experts you have Iran who sent I think 330 missiles not only cruise missiles and not only drones but ballistic missiles I don't know if you saw pictures of some of those missiles you're talking about missiles that are gigantic they're Titanic and if one of them hits a Target God forbid who could appreciate the the the the casualties and the depth of pain now all systems all system everybody knows in your own house the systems you create no system functions perfectly if a system functions 90% of the time and achieves 90% perfection it's incredible it's incredible especially when you're dealing with complex complex systems that require require hundreds and thousands of various iron domes and planes and strategy and precision and meticulousness and what we saw was a grand grand miracle that from 330 not one of them not one of them hit the targets that they wanted to most of them never made it into the space of erit is sadly there was one Bor girl who was badly wounded from one of the missiles badly wounded one Bor girl and uh as a as a relative in is wrote to me he says you know the jokes that were coming out from the Jews in the middle of the night everybody in shelters 2: in the morning 3 in the morning 4 in the morning 5 in the morning it showed the resilience of a people now right away people said look at the Israeli or Air Force look at the Israeli military but and that's true it's amazing but look October 7th where was that Air Force where was that Air Force and remember the Hamas Niks came like middleaged terrorists and the great Air Force couldn't do anything for hours and here Iran came with 20 24 equipment of the modern world and not one of them hit the target it was 100% or 99.999999% incredible it was almost like there was a a not almost it was like a Divine force that brought all the natural defense teams and tools together that they should act in perfect unity and Perfection and eliminate eliminate the the threat it was it it's Titanic miracle and of course the Israeli Defense Force needs to get a lot of credit and the The Ear Force us to get credit and all of the tools and weapons that they have developed the defense system is incredible but you have to remember that the October 7th they weren't dealing with Iran they were dealing with Hamas coming a few thousand people and they were completely paralyzed completely paralyzed for hours and hours and hours the massacres going on this whole system people still don't know what happened how could such a mdal happen and here they were dealing with one of the most powerful militaries in the modern world Iran who have one agend and it was an incredible Miracle but all of this but but both are part of the same story one was a story of tremendous Triumph and celebration of course nobody knows still how it's going to play out Etc and one was a story of horrible horrible horror and pain yeah no I saw a professor in Israel he's a physicist his name is Professor AB Abal so he wrote he wrote a whole thing he said I'm telling you as a physicist and a scientist I know these systems 90% would be incredible 90% you're talking here hundreds of serious serious missiles and this is Iran a few thousand terrorists who came in they could they couldn't do anything even though two helicop a few helicopters could have eliminated them you didn't need uh all of that but they were completely shut down and paralyzed I mean Kamas obviously did it brilliantly with the 3,000 in the morning of but it just brings out how the most sophisticated army in the world you know the that we can do it all is it's a fallacy look what happened October 7th on the other hand one has to realize that all their defense systems and the help with the United States of America and the other countries France and Jordan Etc was an incredible incredible Miracle everybody working together with the tools of T that they created in order to protect the Jewish people and that's all part of a Seder that's a very mysterious seder and that's what the maral is saying if you look at Jewish history you will see incredible pain and the maral knew this quite well together with that you also see incredible incredible Miracles incredible Joy rakov em writes he's know as the yit he says that greater than all the Miracles of leaving Egypt and the splitting of the Sea and the 10 plagues is the miracle of Jewish survival over 4,000 years so I always tell students or Jews I speak to around the world I say you know people are looking for miracles they say if there'll be a miracle I'll believe in God I say you want to look at the biggest Miracle go to the mirror and take a look in the mirror you will not see a bigger Miracle than that which you see in the mirror and if you don't believe me ask Iran ask Hamas they are so obsessed and eliminating every last Jew why what do they have from it what were they going to gain if every Jew is dead the answer is they feel that this is a miracle they feel that this is divine so you want to see that Miracle look in the mirror you don't believe me look again you see a Jew you're looking at a miracle and that begins with yourself and it's important to understand that and the Y said says that this was the greatest the greatest miracle that you could that you can have and it's all part of a very very mysterious SED PES and that's the whole idea of the Seder every part of the S to be able to viscerally experience that with full presence of mind and it doesn't eliminate the mystery of it huh oh in our times it's already and now we come to the last step the four not no the last let's do the fourth and there's no last the fourth step and that's a person doesn't know to ask what does this mean this is a very critical step in because and some of you will relate to this in a very personal way those of us or those of you with people generally who experience serious serious challenges in life and everyone has challenges in life I don't know any person who doesn't have challenges in life and to compare one person's challenges to another person's challenges is usually fule and irrelevant and not helpful for anybody but the fourth step is when a person realizes in a very powerful way I don't know to ask which means in a way I don't care to ask and what does it mean I don't care to ask when a person goes through the and the Russ and the the ne the ne Bahamas the synthesis and the unity between them there's also many many questions you say that there's a Seder true there's a Seder when a person looks at a person their own life so many things seem difficult and challenging so many Journeys seem so inexplicable sometimes a person is struggling with a child and the struggles are so profound yes maybe on some some metaphysical level you can accept that there's a say there but there's no like there's no appreciation of it in any way that a person could say I get it viscerally and sometimes lives are so shaken up I just returned from a long trip in Israel and I went to visit a lot a lot of families and a lot of Jews and a lot of soldiers and wounded and bereaved families and I heard stories firsthand mean we we all heard and read stories from people and it's a thousands of family is shaken up to the core that suffered in ways that are Indescribable and unimaginable and how does that all come into the story of how does all of that come in to the story of a Seder how does all that come in to personal Liberation and this is where the fourth step is important is not a weakness I have nothing to say I couldn't care less I'm I'm just ignorant I'm not interested Shen is actually a very very deep moment it's the moment that a person realizes that knowledge and intellect are very limited tools through which to navigate the real journey of Life of course we cherish Das and we cherish questions and we're supposed to ask and at the say do we ask and the mind is a special Divine gift that everybody to use but in the ultimate Sader of life there's the the the most liberated people are the people who say I don't have to ask and the reason I don't have to ask is not because I have no questions it's because if I experience life through my limited brain I'm going to deprive myself from the texture of life I'm going to deprive myself from the ability of showing up with my full heart and my full presence if I need for things to fit in to my Das to my structure to my imag so I should be able to say ah I get it that basically is causing me to detach from the experience of life because the experience of life is really a journey of infinity and infinity a I cannot absorb in my limited intellect so I need to use my intellect for what I'm supposed to use it but then I want to open myself up to a journey of any we spoke pum about the concept of right not knowing the concept by Esther M tells Esther who knows if this is not the reason you came to the Palace M wasn't just saying who knows he should have said like we say that's what we say but here there's something even deeper and by the way when was the meal of Esther that she made for it was P right because the happened and then she had a meal with the first night of PES the second night of PES that's when she went in on PES so there's a concept of you have to know and then there's a person reaches a place of M Beyond Das so then I don't have I don't need the Das to be able to ask and question and scrutinize and say my life is not fear and my neighbor is having this and my look my sister and look at my brother and look at my uncle and look at my aunt and look at my and look at the classmate and and what does that do keeps me in a place of resentment and negativity and jealousy and competitiveness or if I need to try to understand I have to force things into my brain that are not for that I can't go into there when I can open myself to the experience of life with trust the Sader comes out when it has to come out and trying to control it with my brain only limits me I there was a somebody gave out a a beautiful ha and I saw a story over there and I happen to know the person with whom the story uh with whom the story happened John jarish he sent me his a it's called and there he shares a story about a yid his name was rendel FAS I knew Rend FAS was a who spent a decade in Stalin's Gulag this was not easy most people did not survive Siberia either you froze to death you got sick you were hungry you were overworked or you were shot very few people made it out Stalin killed tens of millions of people in the gulak you ever read Soler nen's book um he describes a day in the gulak FAS I knew him after he came out of Russia he was already an older he's a very very special person and he survived 10 years of that geh so he told a story an incredible story there was a yid not a yid there was a person there an inmate who came over to one day and said Mendel I'm going to escape he says Escape nobody escapes this place Siberia was a concentration C he couldn't escape he I'm going to escape he tells him when I want you to why you telling me I want you to to pray for me so I can't trust anybody else I tell anybody else I you I could trust so he tells him the story he's going to escape how are you going to escape so he says for many months he's been working on one of the fences took cre a he was like an engineer and a contractor a builder he had aush he is a very very handy man very handy person in one of the fences he managed to identify a a weakness and he carved out a situation where he weakened all the links and then in a moment's notice with his hand with his arm he could punch through a certain part of the fence and a hole will be created enough that he would be able to crawl through he says they'll shoot you within 5 seconds he identified that during the change of the guards there's 30 seconds that they're not looking in that direction one shift leaves another shift comes in so he has 30 seconds to open the hole to get through and to get into the forest Iber has endless forest and to get away from them he says yeah but there's watch dogs the dogs don't take breaks and the dogs they're trained for this in a second they'll pursue you and mle you they'll you they'll eat you up you'll be torn into pieces these are Siberia had these watch dogs that were just looking at them could make you faint he says I have it all figured out none of your business you just pray for me so told the story he said he couldn't tell anybody and he wouldn't want to tell anybody why should he jeopardize this fellow's freedom but at that moment he made sure to be close to the gate you know supposedly doing his own thing and sure enough with the change of the guards this fellow makes this hole he gets through it he runs to the forest by the time the guards realized what happened 30 seconds later and they start shooting he was already deep into the forest but two dogs pursued him and these dogs were chasing this man of mle s he's not going to be able to get away from them CU they go deep into the forest and he sees that this person puts his hand into his pocket takes out a piece of meat from one pocket a piece of meat from another pocket and throws it to the dogs and they got distracted because they had a good piece of steak and they went to eat and he ma made his way to [Music] safety the guard who saw this took his revolver took his gun and shot both dogs dead re Mendel saw this so he went over to the guard a few days later Mak him believe he doesn't know anything about the background of the story I'm just wondering why did you shoot these dogs dead they didn't run away he ran away the prisoner ran away he looked at him mly said do you know how much money we put into these dogs do you know how many years of training how many resources we invest into these dogs and it's all for this moment and if the meat can distract them from this moment they don't deserve to live it was all for this moment and they destroyed it all what you think we putting all this money to them because we identified their talent and at the moment of truth they abandoned everything they deserve to be shot and said he gave us curse in Russian which I'm not going to repeat but the Russians know how to curse better than the Americans and I don't need these dogs boom he shot them both and re Mendel he was a aous he was a worked out person he says to the BAM he says that from here he learned a tremendous lesson in life tremendous lesson in life two lessons is that every person has an inner dog and it's very easy for the dog to get distracted sometimes it's a piece of steak sometimes it's something else and he says that's why you always have to identify what theas is up to because it can be in front of a grand moment but somebody throws me a bone a piece of steak and I'm done I'm finished and we know how true it is you know you could be at your daughter's right under the and somebody makes a comment boom it's the middle of a PES say it's such a special moment somebody says the wrong thing boom I lost it there's a dog inside that saw a piece of steak or whatever that piece of steak looks like and that migdala went crazy and I run for it but then he said another lesson he said very often our not very often always our life stories are essentially training schools this is a school in which the soul is trained and the invests everything in every person's life the Soul's journey into the body into the animal soul is a grand colossal infinite investment and said there comes a moment in life where I'm called to rise up to that moment and fulfill my mission and he says don't don't forfeit that moment don't neglect it somebody might throw some rip steak somebody might throw some other bones he says this person was so angry he said I put everything into these dogs and they abandon me the disloyalty of these dogs so he says your soul your life has been invested with so much infinity and everyone has those moments where my life's mission is really at stake and it's so easy at that moment to just forget it all and lose it that's what m was telling eser and it was for the time of your whole years of everything was for this moment it's a difficult moment but don't run and in each of Our Lives we don't always know what that moment is but that's exactly the point we don't know what that moment is but sometimes me showing up at this moment for this person for this child for this spouse for myself for this Jew for this human being in the world this is a moment like the B said a soul comes down for 70 80 years sometimes to do a favor to one person in gash and especially in physically and spiritually so you'll say what's my connection here how do I come into this give the mission to somebody else this is I have to reach a place that that I don't need to ask not because I don't have a mind or I don't have a brain or I don't use the brain or I don't believe in using it on the contrary because I know that touching the Ultimate Reality always requires the ability to transcend Das so as a result of that we have the four patterns the four tools the four dimensions the fourth cup the the first second third and fourth cup where one begins by identifying the Divine Soul making it your best friend number two creating space for the animal Consciousness which we call the Russ it could be rebellious it could be challenging having conversations between them knowing that that's my mission number three Tom understanding this was all designed perfectly in order for me to fulfill my mission and even the traitor who comes to arouse me and Trigger me to revolt against the king is also a manifestation of Oneness of a there's no real separation what we call separate parts are important to identify as Parts but then it's important to identify Tom and the same is true in the world around us that there's an inner say there that I want to hold that I could hold on to and embrace even if it's confusing and then the person realizes that I can show up every single day to my mission without the need to integrate everything in my intellect to the point that I can Master it intellectually and it could fit my ego cuz actually what my D really craves is to go into a place of to be able not to have to control it and manipulate it and have to completely fit it in to my box that's how we achieve the may all of you may all of us have the courage and the the serenity to be able to leave our individuals our Collective mits and even before P may be able to say have a beautiful may we experience the Mish thank you it wasn't 30 seconds I know but we tried yeah I just want to announce just one second the next the next class is is is not going to be the T when do PES end okay yeah so it's going to be the next week we'll have a class and shabas for those who want we have a shabas here at 5:45 pm. 10 gimmel it's for men and women and children this shab is for shabas a everybody's invited 5:45 p.m. L of to everybody thank you I didn't get to it I didn't get to it yeah we'll have to do it another time I'm sorry I didn't get to it usually we have your shabas it's nice to have you today I had my morning schedule changed my first plan canel because of P cleaning and the shoe that I also was canel this morning oh wow okay um I Heard T from was very very close to think EAS four cups of wine very good after CS four cups of that's not what I want to say I heard frombody connection is that element isced but the connection it was no more chice there no more questions you who said this Vine he had a second name no so you're saying doesn't mean forced it means you're completely connected so much there's no more question h sh for