Part 56: Do You Endear Yourself to Hashem or Disappoint Him?

good morning everyone there is more coffee more cups if anyone wants coffee please help yourself not sure what y wrote on the WhatsApp group The yesterday but thrilled to see such a great crowd we have enough chairs so grab some coffee um I want to thank aigal alurn who sponsoring this morning's learning in memory of her beloved daughter Rachel ra leig should have and Aliyah and a reminder you can sponsor the class weekly if anyone wants to sponsor for the year someone just uh pledged to sponsor the cup of Joe on Wednesday mornings for the year but either by the week or for the year please feel free to speak to me or to to Linda we continue with our learning on we're learning the section about how we can cling to and feel connected to and stick with hasem that's really the theme of Amun and our support group on Wednesday mornings that we're all growing in our sense of and so last year we defined those terms what is what is and now we're talking aboutus again the root of the word do B K de is glue Hashem says stick with me first of all let me acknowledge we have a bunch of new faces it's wonderful to have new people here so afterwards please make sure to welcome introduce yourself we have some some people who are here for the first time part of our community for the first time so please make sure everyone feels uh warm and welcom you just give us those definitions quickly okay quickly the definitions sure amuna is theological amuna is the I don't want to say even belief it's the knowledge that there is one God that God is the source of everything that he is the Creator and Muna is what we celebrate of a this week that he lived in a world of paganism and despite that aam discovered God a little secret if you look at the rambam aam did not discover God shame Ben Noah Noah's son shame had an entire Yeshiva we call yesh a right yob studied there yes who is a who is a let's not get to we're going to get too distracted here but he had an entire Yeshiva where he was teaching about God he's teaching about Hashem AB is not the first to discover God Adam talks to God Noah offers a Corban to God AA has a whole Yeshiva for God so what's different about AB why do we call AB the father of ethical monotheism what's different about about aam and the ram is very clear the difference says everyone else keeps God to themselves whereas aam stands on a soap box aam preaches and teaches and tries to inspire the entire world he's trying to tell the whole world enough with pursuing your own ego your own interest your own pleasure your own happiness understand there's something bigger than you out there there's something greater than us out there and that's ultimately the greatest source of fulfillment and satisfaction and Happiness is when you tap into that which is much greater Aram is not the first to discover Hashem he's the first to promote Hashem and just as an as side yesterday in the par class we talked about when Hashem talks to AB at the end of the par he calls himself K and one of the ideas writes in his is comes from enough aam he tells them your original Mission was to preach to the entire world you were on XM Satellite Radio you had your own aam channel of monotheism you're trying to teach the whole world you know what you made amazing inroads you've planted the seeds of monotheism which today covers the planet with billions of people and uh incredible but now now it's trying to narrow your focus now you're going to have a child and through him you're going to create a family and a nation and they're going to be a microcosm for the world so I am godak sh as in it's enough enough with trying to change the whole world now I want you to retreat and now are the focus just on your children just on your people amuna is what aam was preaching and promoting amuna is that it's not the sun and the moon it's certainly not statues and and Idols it's not money it's not celebrities it's not athletes that run the world there's only one source in the world and that is the ribon Shalom so amuna IM Faith right is uh is all the same root the notion that that we know theologically philosophically we understand and we're mindful of there is one God he is the source of everything is now putting our trust in him so is that when I'm nervous anxious when I seek revenge when I'm jealous or envious getting rid of all those emotions because I realize I have whatever happens is meant to be the to find we went through the and the to find Amun is knowing that there's one God and he's in charge and is therefore realizing that everything he does is for the best right the to find that it's a misconception some people think B is you know my loved one is terribly sick I have is going to make them better I don't have no idea how to pay my mortgage I have is gonna money is going to be at my front doorstep I have that even though it's four nothing in the ninth inning the Yanke is going to come back right that is misplaced certainly in the last example that is terribly misplaced says that is putting yourself not God at the center that means you basically think that you run the world you have the the omnipotent view of how the world should run and now you want God to conform to how you think the world should run so I have that God's going to orchestrate things the way I want that's not that's not trust in Hashem that's putting your faith and trust in yourself and asking Hashem to conform to what you want says is saying you know what I'm doing everything I can and I know how I want this to turn out but beyond my effort and doing everything I can whatever is going to be is meant to be whatever happens is for the best is living a life with a living that life with that mindset that a there is nothing in the world but him and therefore if the flight's delayed therefore if I'm sitting in traffic therefore if I whatever challenge or struggle small or big that we go through on a daily basis ain't Mado it's meant to be it's from hasem and that's what we talked about last week in the drasa the ma makes us all m that's what in his Torah explains he says what the generation of the ma was all the root of the word Maul is bilbul it's all confused and mixed up and out of sorts and bent out of shape they were a generation that the littlest thing made them fly off the handle anger rage impatience jealousy anger Revenge a billb a life of just confusion a life of being off your game in the middle of that generation ation is Noah and why does God choose him where does his come from says the his his his comes from he is B Noah the word Noah means he's Noah he's Serene he's tranquil he has an equinity to him he's very levelheaded he just he just is able to go with the flow he rolls with the punches he goes with the flow he doesn't ever get knocked off his game he's bah the way to survive a mble the way to survive a world which is trying to suck Us in to get bent out of shape and fly up the handle and lose our pool is to be bless you is to be B and when you're B have everyone wants to be around somebody who's B you don't want to be around the volatile person who you don't know what you're going to get you don't want to be around the volatile person who's going to fly off the handle who's going to there's drama nobody wants drama is when there's no drama it's just B just being B and everyone wants to be around a person even hasem so when he destroys the whole world he keeps no around so that was the short definition of and is the abstract knowing there's one God and is taking that knowledge and putting it into everyday life that I lean onm I rely on Hashem I remember that everything that happens comes from Hashem it's for a reason there for a purpose and therefore I don't ever get m i find the capacity to live B Noah yes yes she said everything is up to God can be angry for her husband the way he is that's a perfect reminder for the plug this Sunday night is the woman's night out we have an incredible speaker it's rescheduled from the hurricane um Dei herwitz whose husband has ALS um whose husband is paralyzed from head to toe with the exception of his eyes I spoke about him on yum Kipper and he writes a weekly blog which is amazing just last week he was rushed to the hospital his Airway got clogged he wrote A Blog where he describes he couldn't scream for help he couldn't breathe so he just thought okay Hashem I guess this is it he said shma and he was ready to go but his wife stepped in miraculously again took care of him in amazing ways thank God he's doing better in his home anyway she's speaking Sunday night talking about what it's like to live with faith and that challenge a young man a father of so many kids lying in bed paralyzed head to toe we sent out an email yesterday that has two links of videos that you have to have tissues nearby when you watch them but you don't want to miss her I think it's Sunday night 7:30 o00 7 at the Bon synagogue okay brings us up to this week we're on page we're still on page one of your booklet of your handout um are there any other chairs I guess is not coming so this chair is available there one more chair come up here everyone see where we are in the left hand column the first complete paragraph in stick in with God look how amazing extraordinary chuva the ability to come back I'm sorry the ability to come back the ability to return to recover look how amazing is yesterday I was totally apart from God yesterday there was a divider between me and Hashem right because yesterday I was ignoring him I didn't feel like ding I was angry at him or I was too lazy or I was eating without making blessings beforehand or I wasn't honest in my business dealings or I had no interest in what he thinks how the world should be run yesterday yesterday I was totally divorced totally apart from and yet just a day later if I change my mindset if I invest myself in that relationship a day later it could be the most intimate connected romantic loving trusting relationship and this is so different than the human realm I do a lot of marriage counseling in when a marriage hits a roadblock when a marriage has a crisis it can it can overcome it can persevere you know a violation of trust all kinds of all kinds of of things that can happen major minor things that add up it could hit a roadblock but usually it takes time to rebuild to make deposits in the bank account of trust usually it takes time so yesterday we were done right like yesterday it was done the marriage no interest no romance no love seeing everything is negative totally not invested thinking there is no future so you wouldn't say the next day you would be very concerned you would not really believe or have a lot of faith in the future of the marriage that says yesterday we filed for divorce today we have the greatest marriage ever now could you have that in a month and a year and 10 years absolutely I've seen marriages that because they went through that horrific crisis they it revealed things that needed to be worked on and the result was a marriage better than ever it's possible doesn't happen the next day Hashem our relationship is different yesterday I could be ignoring God neglecting God dismissing everything God wants from me and yet through the power of chuva the next day say wow I have this incredible I love Hashem he loves me I'm so grateful I Feel So Close he's my greatest Confidant I invest in I relate to him this is all the look at the greatness of CHA that it draws a person close to God because as the verse says come close to return to God if you do CH you can cling to me all you have to do is make the effort all you have to do is show Hashem just a little bit just a tiny step and Hashem meets us more than halfway Hashem is so desperate he Longs for that relationship here it's like a parent a parent so desires the closeness with the child that even if the child has alienated the parent in a lot of ways If the child shows any gesture of remorse I'm sorry I want to connect the parent more than meets them halfway I want I crave that relationship the G has a language that more than the baby wants the nurse the mother wants the nurse more than the baby wants the milk the mother wants to provide the milk that's the same with Hashem it's the same with with leadership so so therefore when a person wants to do chuva say hasem you know I'm ready I want to make some changes I want to feel close I want to r i want your presence in my in my life I want to feel your strength and your support then that gesture of chuva can result in De the glue where hasem says you know what I got you back no problem de stick with me connect with me stick with me and I got your back yesterday you were despised by God you were deplorable you were repulsive and today you're charming and sweet and lovable again that if that happened in marriage you'd be very concerned but with Hashem yesterday you could be repulsive and disgusting and rejected and today you're adorable and charming and hem loves you that's all the r that's all R the r is establishing a principle within the foundation of of of making mistakes and how we come back from them what is we've defined this a thousand times does not mean sin sin is a Christian term I don't even know what the word sin means what is the definition of the mark miss a missed opportunity missing the Mark if you look in a is like you have a Target and you miss the target so what is a it's a missed opportunity every Mitzvah a positive commandment or a negative commandment where Hashem says don't do something they're all opportunities to come close to God or to be distant from God so that's what he says excuse me means the result of a missed opportunity is so you know you ask your husband do you mind taking the garbage out and the way out and he says I'm carrying too much I'm such a Russian no someone else take care of it so that's a it's a it's a sin but it's also it's a meaning he's he's he's it's not just the garbage is still sitting there now and someone's got to do it is that you feel like what I asked you for a little help I I do it all the time I do everything like what do you mean it's it creates a what is CH he texts you five minutes later and he says you know I feel terrible I'm really sorry that was so insensitive of me I should have taken it out I could have taken it out next time I'm going to take it out or leave it there and I'm going to take it out when I get back or so is you feel creates distance because you miss the opportunity chuva is you close the distance chuva is you remove the distance because you recognize and you want to and you want to make up and all we have to do is take a little step and Hashem meets us hasem meets us halfway I'll tell you a a car from this week's para amazing I love this Insight ra Shapiro the founder of the D the spoke about him recently too onar about the med in luin we were there on the PO trip so he has a great Insight in our says to we all know the story go outside look up you see all the stars count them go count all the stars because thus Co so will be your children ask her May Shapiro count all the stars that's what your children are going to be like what are you talking about there are billions of stars they're billions and billions of stars when you count them you can't count them it's an impossible task and the Jewish people have never numbered billions we've barely numbered Millions we don't break the 10 million Mark what do you mean we're going to be like the stars in the sky it's just factually not true it has never been true and it will never be true and we have other prophecies that already predict that we're always going to be small in number so what was Hashem telling a look up at the stars count them good question no listen to what he says aam if I'm a I go outside I start counting I go Hashem what do you want one two five 100 I can't count the Stars there's a billion of them there's billions of them what does aam do he starts counting and he keeps counting because for a he says nothing is impossible all I need to do is get started one two five 100 because I don't focus on the impossible nature of the task I don't focus on giving up and thinking it's hopeless my job is just to get started and Hashem looks at him and says that's the quality that you've implanted within your children you are the father of a Nation for whom nothing is impossible you're the father of a Nation for whom never give up never walk away never be hopeless never think you can't do it your job is just get started AB job is he says look I I I don't think I could count billions but if Hashem says count I start counting and that's what we inherited from him Co that quality that we have is just get started Hashem will meet us halfway and we can complete the task how many times in Jewish history have the Jewish people not looked at situation that they should have looked at as hopeless and impossible they persevered nonetheless this month in no in November we're showing um what's the name of the movie Above and Beyond above and beyond we've showed it before but the last Living member of that original group that flew in Israel's founding Air Force is coming to speak that night he's the last Living member so an extraordinary person so I don't know if you've seen seen that film if you haven't seen the movie Above and Beyond it's all the weekly in the front page of the weekly now we laid out for you the month of November so you could put everything on your calendar we've got great programs every week every day for you so that I don't know if you've seen that movie you talk about amuna and B andus that movie is unbelievable they take spare parts they put them together there's no way they should have been able to fly the whole there's a thousand little pieces that never should have worked out that way that never should have been successful there should be no state of Israel there should have been no Air Force nobody should have been scared off by it it's an incredible incredible incredible film it's absolutely impos incredible so these few former American pilots who said yeah I'll I'll risk my life and get in some jalape of a of a of a plane made out of spare parts slapped together and I'll fly it across the whole world and then take on armies a gazillion times bigger they were the K they were the children of ainu who said said the P they didn't say the task is impossible they didn't say there's no way it can be done they didn't say it's hopeless they said oh this is what you need me to do one two five 100 I just need to get started because Hashem needs to see us do the initiative this is also something that we've talked about at length are a crutch if they prevent you from taking hisas doing initiative there are people who say I don't need to have ambition I don't need to work hard in life I don't need to try harder why hasem will provide I I put my faith in Hashem that's as foolish as having temperature or an infection and saying I sit on the couch I'm not going to the doctor because uh Hashem gave me the the flu and Hashem is going to make me better that's not what we believe we believe that you you put your faith in Hashem and one of the tools he gave us is go to the doctor we have to have initiative we have to have ambition in life that's that balance we've talked about that too what is the proper balance between and childless effort initiative too much initiative shows a lack of so if you work 20 hours a day cuz you think that the only way you could be rich is if you work 20 hours a day then you have no faith in God because if God wants you to be rich you can be rich in eight hours a day of work not 20 hours so if you're neglecting your family and neglecting your health and neglecting your well-being because you think that that's the only way to achieve wealth so that's a lack of amuna but if you work an hour a day because you say I just need to show a little I work an hour a day and Hashem can make me rich in an hour a day so then you're a fool you have two little has to little initiative that's the challenge in life we've talked about this before what is that right balance there's no absolute answer to a degree everyone has to figure it out for themselves but what but what is that absolute balance between the two so can't ever can't ever become a crutch or an obstacle to take an initiative you have to have faith but you also have to take initiative you have to find find the balance between the two but the the legacy of from this week's para is mayin says of Mayor Shapiro the legacy is we are a people that face The Impossible and don't say I can't do it we say you know what my job is to just get started that's my initiative Hashem will meet me halfway he'll finish it and that's what the Rah is describing about Chua yesterday you're alienated you're repulsive you're despised you're rejected from Hashem and today you showed some initiative you texted Hashem you know what I want to turn it around I'm really sorry I ignored you yesterday when you asked me to do x y and I'm really sorry I neglected you I really want you in my life you send that text literally or figuratively to Hashem all of a sudden you're beloved you're you're charming you're because show a little initiative and nothing is impossible including Transforming Our Lives and Reinventing ourselves nothing is impossible yes comment it's a really difficult thing to make such an Abrupt change from day to day if you're having a day of death and neglecting the mitzvas you may wake up the next day and say I got to improve myself but to do a total turnaround right is really hard emotionally mentally how does it work so there was a great debate in the world of mus salant was the founder of the mus movement and he had disciples and his discip IPL Les broke up into three schools of mus nard Kel and slka and each one was a Yeshiva that unlike the those that preceded them was not only focused on certainly was focused but was not only focused on um learning analysis but was focused on character development and growth and there was an enormous debate what is the proper method of character development so one for example slka focused on what's called Godless the greatness of man and sl's thesis its theory was the PK says in in the in the eth chapter of tum we are just a little bit below God God created us in His image so the animal world is down here and God is up here where does man go says man is right here we're just below God we have incredible potential we're Godly we have discipline and dignity and what we could accomplish and Achieve we're just below God the greatness of man and we will grow when we remind people of their potential for greatness we focus on greatness so for example the author of slka The rashash of slka he didn't allow anyone into the Bas medish of slka if they were missing a button from their jacket Godless he had a tailor on staff to sew the buttons on the Yeshiva boy jacket if you were schlumpy if you looked what you couldn't come in who were the students of slabodka that we know from our generation the 20th century rev hutner rev rudderman RBI tits and Elizabeth um rakov kinety these who who your grandfather these whoooo of the rabbi world of the 20th century all studied in slabodka under the altar my mother who grew up in Elizabeth and was closest friends with the tits family and grew up in that home she says she never saw a by tights not looking Regal not wearing his jacket not looking like it just came out of the dry cleaners that just was never it was you radiate slabodka that was slka others said no no no we don't grow by telling people how great they are we grow by telling them how pathetic they are how lowly they are so if the animal world is down there and God is up here where are we we're just above the animal world that's what's called and that's the mus of sh no they're both muser movements they're both muscle movements but naric to a degree K were more focused on sh sh is the loneliness of man you are pathetic you are in insignificant you are worthless you are next to nothing who do you think you are so great so in naric they would have um a rotation it was considered the greatest honor to get to clean the toilets in the Yeshiva the lowliest tasks were for the best students because how did you grow by constantly thinking less of yourself in slka you grew by thinking more of yourself naric you grew by thinking less of yourself so they would go and they would intentionally embarrass themselves that was part of the methodology so you'd go into a um you'd go into the bakery and you'd say can I can I order a hammer and nails you'd go into the into the hardware store and you'd ask to order some Kal intentionally you do embarrassing stupid things to to to embarrass yourself to to realize how pathetic and lowly and your total and utter insignificance you're in the end of the day you're going to be warm food stop thinking you're so so great be humble that's how you're going to grow who's right who's light n the answer is both there were students who were attracted to slabodka there were those who were attracted to naric and I would say different Generations different muser appeals to different people so one of the debates that these schools of muser had which is why I'm going there is how do you grow do you grow by taking everything on at once or do you grow little by little do you grow by saying here are 10 things I need to change about myself I'm going to change one at a time this is what I'm working on now or do you grow by saying all 10 things reflect one deficiency in my character I need to change that one deficiency and I'll grow in all 10 things at once how do you grow it's a legitimate debate in behavioral psychology until today I was talking to a therapist last week about a child certain things need to happen listed all these areas sleeping eating be behavor with siblings this this and said okay so what's the theory everything gets worked on at once or little by little and the therapist the the psychologist turned to me and said let me ask you a question when someone's trying to quit smoking do they have one less cigarette today than they had yesterday or do they have to just stop smoking so in they had a similar I was reminded of this exact debate in the schools of M because they had this exact debate and the school that thought you got to change everything at once said to the other school let me ask you if you want to Coster your kitchen can you say today I'm cering this plate tomorrow I'll Coster that fork the third day I'll caser this bowl your your kitchen remains non kosher the whole time you do that if you want to caser the kitchen you got to caser the whole kitchen you might make it non kosher again and then you got to caser it again but every time you caser it you got to caser the whole kitchen at once that's a long answer to your short question of can you change everything at once once so that's Aus in behavioral psychology among the schools of mus what's the method do you jump in and change everything at once but I thought that was pretty compelling you don't find people quitting smoking by smoking a little less today than they had yesterday when you quit smoking you've got a strategy to quit smoking so there is no absolute answer but it could go both ways on the bottom of the left column let's just turn the page we have to it yet if we understand that the root and the core of our entire lifestyle why do we have Torah and Mitzvah we have 613 Commandments we have lots of Dos and lots of don'ts we have a whole Torah lifestyle we have a whole system of Judaism if we understand the entire thing as a platform for either coming closer to God or being driven further away that's the entire thing do this you've taken out the garbage and ashm loves you violate that you left the garbage there you left your plate on the table you couldn't even wipe off the scraps and Hashem says obviously they don't love me much so the entire system is there mitzvas are not arbitrary they're not random they're not chance they are a platform to come closer to God or to be further from him if you understand that says the then you'll be Mindful and contemplative before every action before everything we say and with everything we think am I giving Nas to Hashem am I giving Nas to Hashem right the greatest marriage is the person who's mindful of that I could give examples in parenting marriage friendship I don't mean to exclude or be insensitive to anyone with any of these categories but just as an example in marriage the greatest marriage is the marriage where everyone's mindful each party is mindful of the other if if I do this will I endear myself more to my spouse or will I alienate more myself from my spouse if I say this will it make me feel closer to my spouse or will it put distance between us right that's what is marriage what is healthy marriage if not a good dose of mindfulness with everything I say is this drawing us closer or is it pushing us further apart with everything I do is this making me more beloved is it's making me a bigger pain in the neck so if that's true in the human relationships that also true in our relationship with Hashem Deus sticking clinging to God with glue is a life of mindfulness of asking ourselves am I making myself more beloved to Hashem or am I a pain in the neck to Hashem am I creating more love or am I creating more friction is this going to endear me to him or is this going to disappoint Hashem about me and that's all Torah or our entire day interspersed with opportunities to be mindful to be conscious and consciences and and to be aware of what we're doing in a way which will result in bringing us closer to Hashem stop here do a little more 9:22 a little bit more okay let's just do the next paragraph then we'll stop top of the next page fulfilling this Mitzvah of right so I just oversimplified that I oversimplified it in marriage and I oversimplified it in a relationship with hem it's hard why does it often not happen in marriage this is not a marriage class but it's a great metaphor it's a great metaphor for hasem why does it not happen in marriage or with our children or with close friends why does it not happen because it's exhausting mindfulness is really tiring and you feel exactly the opposite the people I'm closest to I should be able to let my guard down most with I shouldn't have to measure my words right a lot of marriages you'll hear one party say I hate that I have to walk on eggshells around you why do I have to be so careful with what I say and how I say it you take everything to you're over sensitive so in marriages it becomes an obstacle a lot because we feel that this is the arena where I should have the greatest license to just not have no filter to have no filter to just say whatever I want to say but really it should be the opposite because it's the most important and cherished and critical relationship is the one I need to maintain the most energy to have the greatest mindfulness because that's where we're going to ultimately derive our energy because if we're in a loving fulfilling satisfying happy marriage you can have a lot of energy and if you're friction and tension and fighting and it's depleting then it drains you so even though it takes energy to be mindful in the marriage the payoff is well worth it because the closeness you feel is actually what energizes you the same is true in the relationship with Hashem it takes mindfulness to have cavana when you're make to have to have concentrate when you're making a Braha to make the to follow Jewish law to be honest to hold back to juicy gossip to be mindful in all the things that we do is exhausting and we feel like what do you mean if God really loves me then why do I have to have a filter can't I just be and do whatever I want whatever makes me happy the answer is no because that's the other most important relationship in your life that's where you need to save up your energy to be mindful because when you are Mindful and you get the satisfaction of being in a loving relationship with him then that's where you draw your energy when you're on fire religiously I don't mean religiously in the negative connotation of religiously but I mean when you're on fire spiritually let's call it spiritually your faith your amuna is running High you feel his presence in your life you love daving and talking to him you're overwhelmed with gratitude when you're on fire are you ever more awake are you ever More Alive are you ever more filled with energy it's absolutely energizing but it takes effort it takes invest it takes mindfulness so the initial stage is exhausting but the payoff is fantastic you go to the gym you do some cardio workout you do some circuit training it's exhausting it's miserable you're shvitzing but the payoff is you have so much more energy during the day so when do you have more energy during the day when you're lazy and do no exercise or when you exercise at some point in the day you and you're exhausted which one do you have more energy during the day by far when you exercise you have more energy as a result which true physically is true spiritually it's true emotionally it's true in our relationships with other people it's true in our relationship with hem so that's this is the hardest thing it's easy to shake it's easy to hear the chauffer it's easy to make a it's easy to take those are easy but to do it in a way that generates to do it with mindfulness with presence of God to feel further connected to him to do it in a way where you're conscious of what the goal is that's a that's the hardest thing but the payoff of it is incredibly energizing the payoff of it is unbelievable so we turn the page but we'll stop here we'll pick up from this first sentence next week have a great day and a great week