Part 46: Building a Real Relationship with Hashem

ladies it is great to resume our which is always is we are on page six in the handout which is Page n Shalom continuing our study of the attitude approach towards the topic of of amuna we last met we were talking about the pan the one who has faith the one who believes in Hashem surrounds them where is that top of page six so we we talk about last time what does it mean it means not that if you have faith in Hashem all of a sudden you no longer have any problems or challenges or issues your life is Serene and surrounded byad and everything is simple and straightforward we know plenty of people who are baluna we know plenty of people who have tremendous faith and yet have lives filled with challenges and obstacles faith is not a Panacea it's not a solution it's not that oh if you embrace the life of amuna you guaranteed longevity and you never get sick and you'll never have financial problems and you'll never have n problems and you'll never not at all what it means is means gives us the strength the tools to be able to endure whatever it is that we Faith face so does not remove challenges it gives us the strength to to confront and face those challenges and to see to see all around us the people who and in the Holocaust were able to see even in the darkest place in history we're able to seeu they saw small they saw small gestures of love and kindness from other people and even from Hashem it always amazes me when you hear from a Survivor who will tell you Hashem was so good to me Hashem did miracles for me I felt the presence of you say felt the presence of Hashem your parents your siblings maybe a spouse children went to the gas Chambers you what do you mean you felt the of hm all there was around you was din all there was around you was harsh judgment and consequence and and the and the coming alive what do you mean even there even in that place you saw hasem the answer is that is a level of if you have at that level then you can feel yourself surrounded by wherever you are when I mentioned this last time this P I told you about a text I got from somebody not from our community whose child was undergoing treatment should have a continued and complete and Speedy Rua and send me a text just about how many bras and they've seen in their life since their child was diagnosed with this issue does that mean they want it they'd welcome it they'd invite it should be jealous of them for having it absolutely not of course not but it means that if you live with even as you go through what of the hardest challenges of life it gives you the tools and it gives you the vision to be able to see yourself as surrounded by now I don't remember exactly where we last left off so I'm going to guesstimate let's start on the bottom of the right hand column on page six what this means is a Jew believes that hm is going to help them what is at the root what's at the core of their capacity to trust and place their faith in hem is because they feel in their heart God's greatness in other words if you feel somebody's incompetent and incapable you don't have a lot of faith in them if there's a doctor you think is horrible you can't say I put my faith in you going into that surgery you're nervous out of your mind right or whatever the equivalent example might be if there's someone you don't think is competent then you struggle to put your faith in them so the amount of faith we put in someone is directly related to how much confidence we have in them the greater the smarter the more accomplished the more capable we think someone is the easier it is to let go and have faith they'll take care of it they have my back whatever you tell me to do I'm going to do that's it but when you're faced with major challenges and you want to shake your fist at heaven where do you do where do you find the strength to say no no no this is good no you can do that too we've talked about that when you are frustrated and angry when one is frustrated and angry at the almighty shaking your fist at Heaven as you said is also an act of faith if you didn't believe God exists why would you be angry at him you're only angry at someone angry is a tough word disappointed whatever the word you want to use if you thought God didn't exist a you wouldn't be angry at him if you didn't think he was your father you wouldn't be disappointed in him right if you go through a hard time and a stranger walk by and didn't do anything you had no expectation of the stranger so you have no disappointment in them but if your father walks by and didn't intercede and didn't help you say your father where were you what happened that shows you love that individual as your father and so too with the almighty when one is frustrated or disappointed it is evidence that we believe in him and it's evidence that we had faith in him and had high expectations of him so even that I'm not necessarily encouraging it or promoe it but when a person feels that they shouldn't suppress it when a person feels they're going through a hard time and they want to know where is God or why would God do this if they suppress that feeling or feel guilty about it it doesn't help anything but if they let it out have it out with God God loves that um you know he didn't appoint me to speak on his behalf but I think that God I think that God loves that have it out with him because it means he knows you think he's there that's every Barb mitzah child I meet with I tell them becoming Barat Mitzvah it means you're an adult you live in a country I have the same Spiel you're in a country it tells you you're a kid you can't vote you can't drive you can't drink you can't own a gun you're a kid little 12-y old little 13y old but you come from a people that say you're an adult your level of maturity now is such that Hashem wants a relationship with you that means that your parents don't have to chase you to do what's right they've taught you they will continue to teach you they lead by example you can follow them but it means Hashem wants you wants to know that you believe he's there and then I tell every kid every child that doesn't mean doing from the sitter in sh though you should do that it means outside so you're you're trying out for the soccer team ask God for help you got a good grade when you didn't study that hard say thank you to God you're annoyed cuz something went really wrong with a friend and there was drama tell you that child is a girl so you say Hashem say Hashem you know where were you I'm really disappointed why would you want me to suffer this this what they think at that momentary time is the greatest pain they could imagine if only they knew so so I always tell to Hashem from what's in your heart he wants to get to know you that's what it means to be a GLE it's what it means to be an adult Hashem wants to know what's in your heart I had a great Nas moment yesterday and I told my daughter I was going to share it today at the am year so my um all of our kids have finals right now they're studying like crazy or it's a fight with them to study like crazy each child's different I have a minog from my father when we had finals my father used to hand us in the morning on the way to school a raw noodle to put on our desk to remind us to use our noodle that was his uh so you'd look up and when you were lazy or tired didn't really feel like working it out or looking it over again to make sure you got it right you saw the noodle so I hand my kids when I remember in Ken that raw noodle I wasn't for some reason I wasn't and they're not they think it's cute or I guess they ask everyone ask the question anyway so my my my 12-year-old came home yesterday and she said ABA listen to what happened I said how' you doing doing the final how to go she said I did great but there was one question about D was another final I couldn't remember the name Do's General I was going I couldn't remember I knew I studied so in the middle of the final I stopped ABA I said Hashem I studied so hard for this final please help me remember the name Hashem I know you can put the name back in my head I need your help this what she told me she said she said what she couldn't still couldn't remember the name so it was getting towards the end of the final she got up she went to go hand in the final and when she was about to hand it in the name jumped in her head and she said she went yes thank you Hashem and she she wrote in the name and she she got 100 on her final so that was a great so that's that's amuno yeah you know it's great to DAV in in the morning help me do well in my final but but in that moment not to be annoyed and I can't remember the name and I studied so hard this is so annoying what's the point anyway it's so stupid but to Channel all that energy anxiousness nervousness energy to channel into Hashem come on I studied so hard make me look good put that name back in my head please and then to feel afterwards that Hashem was the one who did it now you'll ask me what happens if she handed in the test and the name never came back to her so then she would learn the lesson which is important for us to learn that sometimes Hashem says no hasem says you know what you were ready to forget 50% more I left you I let you have the rest who knows sometimes the answer is no and we don't know why that's in our best but that's a Nas moment is when your child when when you preach did you thank Hashem did you ask Hashem talk to Hashem and then you get that moment of break you think maybe some of this is actually sleeping through like wow that is a moment but that's the goal and that's the objective for all of us to feel hashem's presence in our life so that when we're stuck in traffic when we're running late when we need to catch the flight when we need to that with that moment we like my daughter Tamar say Hashem come on I left on time for this flight I need your help I need to be able to make it so why do we get on to this because our confidence that Hashem is going our our faith in Hashem is directly proportional directly related to is directly related to how much confidence we have in him so if we think Hashem is not capable if we think Hashem is compromised so what do you mean you going to prol your faith in him he can't put the name of D's General back in our head but if we think Hashem is entirely capable all capable there's nothing beneath him there's nothing that can stop him go if you think about God's greatness you wouldn't have confidence in him someone tells you this is the doctor he's the M the world's expert the Golden Hand the surgeon always is great so you'll be less nervous going in because you feel like you know what I'm with the best and he's got the golden touch and everything's going to be great and if we a doctor they say yeah 50% make it through the surgery 50% don't you know he he'll Google what to do right before the surgery so then you're not going to put your faith in him so margish Bel a person has to feel God's greatness but God's love towards you and your love towards him because as we were saying before the stranger we don't have high expectations of and the stranger doesn't feel a great commitment towards us but our father our do we have any more expectations than of our parent and does our parent feel any greater responsibility than towards our children so the goal of amuna is to feel he's my father my tati if you prefer he's my mother whatever he's I'll tell you the secret he's neither again Hashem is neither a father nor a mother he's neither male nor female it's not a misogynous thing he's neither he's Theon he's singular he's unique we ascribe these terms to him so that we can better relate to him we identify with Hashem like a father and a child but if it means something then do it like a mother we have M that at times relate to Hashem as a as a mother as well to feel Hashem we are children of Hashem before we make a mistake and after we make a mistake we said this last time our parent is perhaps the the greatest in our life more than a spouse who no matter what we do there's an unconditional love a spouse you could blow it you can do things that really damage the relationship but a parent you could be a Serial murderer killer rapist cannibal terrorist and the parent will still say I have faith my kid is innocent I it's just not them you don't know them this isn't them right the parent almost anything in the world the kid could do the parent is there so in this resp in some respects we talk about Hashem as a wife as a spouse Hashem as the husband we're the wife in some respects we talk about Hashem as marriage but in this respect you know marriage has divorce yeah but you can't get rid of your parent I'll tell you a great v a great VOR that I'm fond of saying we're focused on the bar mitvah today so I tell this also in the bar mitzah why do we call we call it a bar bar is Aramaic for Ben Bar Mitzvah is really a Ben Mitzvah and a b Mitzvah is a b Mitzvah it's the son of a Mitzvah and a daughter of a Mitzvah why do we say the Son and Daughter of a Mitzvah and yet we talk about the charitable person as a b we talk about the person who does is a what's a a spouse a husband so when it comes to suck or learning toor or whatever other Noble Pursuit we say they're a b they're a husband of this activity and when it comes to coming of age we say Ben Mitzvah Mitzvah or B Mitzvah why want a beautiful explanation because marriage can end with divorce marriages can be broken so the person who's doing Staker today could stop doing staka tomorrow the person who does today get get past their F tomorrow but a Mitzvah Mitzvah you can't sever your relationship with your parent there are people alienated from their parents there people who wish they could turn in their parents for other parents but there's no you can't sever your relation there's no div from a parent it's a biological relationship it's a defining relationship and it can't be severed so the attitude the relationship that this child has towards Torah and MIT is like a child not like a spouse there is no divorcing the almighty so that's the is saying if you believe B in this so in the Romantic respect we're in a love affair with the almighty sh we just stood under the with Hashem right Hashem held the mountain over our head that was the so in some respects we're in a romantic when the ra describes what is the path to love the ra writes the raan writes there explicitly like a romantic relationship like a longing between a man and a woman like a feeling of connection like a feeling of desire that's what it should be with Hashem I want to spend time I want to feel his presence I want to experience intimacy I want to confide I want a rendevu I want communication there's a romantic relationship with Hashem but on the other hand when it comes to this we are children of Hashem because a romantic relationship goes up and down and waxes and waines and can end in a divorce but a child can never lose that relationship so we're H's child before we blow it we're hashem's child after we blow it and like the parent who when the child needs them the parent is there no matter if the child has been behaving well or not Hashem is there and Hashem therefore acts with us in this way we say in right in the what is what's a is a shade Hashem is our shadow so what does that mean them your Shadow exactly follows you the shadow can't say you know what I've had it with that I'm going off on my own I'm doing it my way I'm going to walk over there I'm going to go dance over your Shadow exactly follows you hasem is our shadow means Hashem mimics he follows our Behavior our relationship with when we put our faith in him he puts that connection back in us when we are affectionate towards him he's affectionate towards us when we involve him in our life he is intensely involved in our life the rambam writes this in his definition ofus the rambam believes that Divine Providence is not equal for everyone right this is different than the breast perspective the breast perspective if you've read The Garden of amuna the garden of peace that series the breast perspective is and and it's based on WE him and so on the breast perspective is everything is from Hashem everything that gust of wind that blade of grass the puddle you stepped in this morning whether you spilled a little bit of the coffee what everything is from Hashem everything doesn't matter if you're worthy unworthy if you're the greatest if you're the lowest everything is from ashem everything and they messages from Hashem with everything that happens the rambam did not agree with that the ra said there not Universal attitude of Divine Providence not everyone is um subject to the same level of Providence but rather hashem's interaction with us is directly proportional to our faith in him that's the Ram's belief that means to say that hasem created a world and he instilled within it Rules of Nature when it rains there's flooding there's a puddle did the puddle did you step did the car drive by that made the splash come up that drenched you in water at that moment was that Hashem or is that the natural order that it rains and the water gathers and people drive and they hit the water and you happen to be walking by right then so breast would say it was meant to be you're drenched don't get bent out of shape don't get frustrated don't lose your cool take a deep breath and say G all this is also for the good this was from Hashem whatever reason I wasn't meant to wear this outfit today I wasn't meant to be comfortable today I was meant to it's from Hashem that's breast whereas the ra say it depends it depends if you're a low life nobody who doesn't put your faith in hm never doin to hm never does the right thing you're a bad person so then it might be the rules of nature you are subject to Nature whereas if you're a righteous person and you're worthy of hashem's presence in your life so there's no coincidence that puddle was orchestrated by Hashem how do you know whether you're worthy how do you know whether each individual incident was from Hashem or not I don't know that you got to figure out based on the r but I'm sharing with you that there are different perspectives on this question of when you are to what degree what are the sources that each of them are using for their opinion like the ramam has one opinion bre another contradictory opinions kazal our rabbis the tal that has different for example the garar says that if you reach into your pocket for a certain coin and you pulled out another coin in your pocket that was from Hashem on the other hand we have other garas that talk about but not a particular Providence but a general Providence in the sense that God put the laws of nature in place and now so we we so each one is drawing differently and interpreting differently but do we not believe iny for every human being and every area so the ram says depends on their worthiness not everybody is even if you're not worthy you don't get hash the ram says it actually makes a lot of sense to me the ram says that God's attitude is this you want a relationship with me you we have a relationship when you need me I'm there you deny I exist we have no relationship whatsoever so good luck like life life is going to I can't get my head around that why not I mean that's because I was raised with no matter what do even parents not say that do even parents not say look if we're in a relationship I'm always there to bail you out but if you keep violating the relationship and hurting me and so on and so forth like good luck you're going to learn lessons the hard way in life like you need me to make a few phone calls to help you get the job or help you keep the job or get into the school or do the whatever we have a relationship I'm happy to do that but if you keep knocking me out of your life and violating me in your life like good luck that's tough love that's not unconditional love of a parent right okay so for the ra also practices that tough love I created a world I created Rules of Nature I created go operate in it it's not that hasm is cruel either in other words understand that for the rambam if you're not worthy of Providence and a person gets cancer it's not that Hashem struck them down with cancer it's that Hashem said look there's such a thing as cancer cells there's certain data and statistics of a certain to the's a certain amount of population that's going to get it and good luck you're now operating with nature so it's a big bigger debate between the rambam and ramban whether there's such a thing as nature the rambam says there's such a thing as nature God created an in stitution called nature the natural world he set it in motion it operates in the world and when he chooses to intervene he can suspend the rules of nature but if he chooses not to intervene there is something called nature and nature is moving thean says nature there's no such thing as nature there's no nature everything is from Hashem a coffee gets cold the leaf Withers the tsunami forms says the ran that's not something called nature that's Hashem there is no nature or natural order independent of hem so that's Aus a debate between the r and the ran the Raam says this nature God created it built it set it in motion stepped aside unfolded it pressed go and when he chooses to will intervene so if in the natural order one should get cancer if in the natural order the branch should fall on your head if in the natural order the puddle should form right at the moment you're going to step in it so that's the natural order says the r if God loves you because you're good to to him then God made something happen so the branch fell a minute later and the puddle formed a moment before and the cancer cell solved itself because God interfered with nature because he loves you that's says there's no such thing as nature everything is hashem's hand and what and what he wants so again I'm sharing this with you because I find it actually very reassuring to know that there's not one legitimate approach to these things I find it very we have a wonderful Torah kosha and we have a diverse range of opinions in this area and what meet what what what means what's meaningful to you there is a legitimate position and I find that very very reassuring and comforting because not one position fits everybody's liking or is comforting which one is true we'll get upstairs and find out maybe there's elements of both that are true who knows what's true who knows which is true I mean in the end of the day it's really only theoretical from a practical standpoint everyone agrees we should live our lives with and and the more we live our lives with the more we will Merit hashem's guiding hand and Providence in our lives that everybody agrees so from a practical standpoint in terms of how we live our lives and what guides Our Lives there's not a very practical difference theoretically philosophically how we feel whether we interpret stepping in the puddle as being from Hashem or not we could debate to debate from today till tomorrow but from the Practical standpoint in terms of working on Aruna we know what we have to do but even here is is developing and he certainly leans more towards breast live in the ramban than the rambam but even here is developing this idea that Hashem reciprocates relationships are reciprocal the more invested you are the more effort you make the more sacri the relationships are reciprocal the same is true with Hashem we sit and we wait we want to know where is Hashem the question is where were we I mentioned this on chabas I spoke at a few of them in yanam that this past week's para tells the story of the is a woman who's unfaithful to her husband and our rabbis see in this story cu the verse says when his wife goes astray so that word s is the same root as the word so the rabbis derived from here a the only time that you violate that you do something wrong is you have a momentary lapse of Sanity if you're in your right and sound mind you could never do anything wrong if you knew there's a God he created me he created the world he holds me accountable for the mistakes I make he's watching everything I do if you were really cognizant and aware and mindful of all of that at every moment you can never do the wrong thing why do we do the wrong thing because at that moment we have a momentary lapse of sanity and somewhere in the back of our brain we say yeah I'm not so sure he's here he's watching he cares I could do what I want that pleasure that I anticipate blinds me to everything else so it's a momentary lapse of Sanity the rabbi say that's true for all indiscretions and we learn that from here why keep play on words similar root says why do we learn that from the case of the why didn't we learn that when a person eats kosher when a person violates chabas when a person speaks we have we have 613 mitzah that we could have learned that a person only violates it when they have a momentary lapse of Sanity why did we learn it from the area of indis of of infidelity such a severe violation why did we learn it specifically from here and he gives a magnificent answer he says because at the root of all sin is unfaithfulness to God at the root of all sin is an act of infidelity to the almighty if we see ourselves as married to Hashem then then we wouldn't want to violate our marriage so we got to work out the marriage you know both parties have needs and so on but if we saw ourselves as in a real relationship with Hashem married to Hashem it would bring a certain mindset and you'd only violate your marriage I mean again Tiger Woods Elliot Spitzer Anthony Weiner you go down the list right these athletes and these celebrities and these politicians if you would have Frozen the frame and said whoever you're about to be with is that worth your marriage your reputation your income your legacy is it worth everything no matter who it is it's not worth everything so how is it that they went forward anyway because there's a momentary lapse of Sanity you're out of your right mind you're out of your mind for a moment and so says the rebba what Hashem wanted us to appreciate and feel is that every you made a you ate something without making a br you didn't you spoke every every is a momentary la of Sanity if you knew what you were giving up you knew your legacy you knew the act of unfaithfulness within the relationship why am I sharing that because at the core of the Insight is that we're in a relationship with Hashem it's a marriage we just stood under the we just came away from Shu sh is not in the rearview mirror sh sh is not check done onto the summer shu is wow I just got married I just got married you don't say did the did the marriage thing good now I can go out with my buddies done you say got married now I want to work on my marriage I want my love to deepen I want to spend more time I want to feel more connected so shivu launches a period of feeling it even more in our lives so says the relationships are reciprocal display and show and feel love to Hashem put trust and faith in him you will feel his presence in your life neglect him write him out of your life violate him you're not going to feel his guiding hand so much in your life relationships are recip cocal yes I once asked an elderly man who was the Survivor of the Holocaust how do you explain what happened he was a very strong believer I'll I'll translate from the yish how he answered me he said a leaf doesn't fall from a tree without Hashem wanting it to and that was his only explanation and he accepted it totally right so that that and that for him to endure what did and live with faith yeah again I I want you saying I think it's okay within a person even to waver between the explanations they periods of my life where I feel everything that every raindrop that fell on my head is from Hashem and the periods of my life where I feel like you know what stop blaming Hashem for everything there is a natural world and who says that you deserve that hasem interferes with nature every second on your behalf and okay you got a cold who says you got a cold because of hem you got a cold cuz it was cold out you walked out without a cold you don't get enough sleep your immune system was low you cuz you're an idiot you got a cold don't blame Hashem for the cold so I I even within one person I think it's legitimate to to waver between feelings of breast love and feelings of rambam feelings of everything is AEM and feelings of not what's most important is that we're thinking about it that we're talking about it that we're involved in it that hasem is part of the conversation which unfortunately you could be living a totally Torah observant from Life Hashem is never mentioned he's never thought about he's not he's not even part of the equation the important thing is is which side you lean okay the important thing is he in the equation and ROM is not yeah but it doesn't it doesn't lend itself the opinions here do not line up between rationalist and they do not line up that way at all there's there's different opinions raised I come from a home where you didn't talk about the Rabon shalam as your father and all my Kasha friends always said there's different emphasis all children of you know God is everybody's father there's different emphasis let's finish this paragraph when somebody gets to the gate of the palace we said this last time we quoted this medish somebody a stranger gets to the gate of the palace and the guards stop him and he says no no no no I I have a very close relationship with the King you have to let me in they say okay fine he comes in and the King says who who are you they said you just told us you have a close relationship with the King you lied to us and he says no I do I I know about The King and I feel connected to him because I put my faith in him so the king says you put your faith in me you feel that we have a close relationship tell me what can I do for you so he says that's where for us too we come to the king and we say I have close relationship with let me let me in I have a close relationship with the king I know him I trust him I lean on him and and and opposite this category of nothing can undo it so all these are alluding to that level of King I put my faith in you you know that doctor you were trying to get in because you had to see the world's expert and you get into the room and you say you don't know me but I know everything about you and I'm putting all my faith in you and I trust you and I believe in you and you have to help me right so we we can understand that metaphor in the human realm when there's somebody we're trying to get in with spend time with we need and and certainly with the almighty even when the Gates of Prayer are locked and God Is concealed from us when I call out to him to the day and I feel like he's not answering so even when it feels like the Gates of Prayer are locked I'm calling out and there's no answer still can break down the gates that when we live with that when we feel no okay my prayer my sitter my tum aren't working God I'm just going to talk to you from my heart you have to help me you have to let me in to see him because I I'm close with him what do you mean you never met no I'm close with him I believe in him I trust him I'm putting everything in him and have the ability to break down walls and barriers and Gates that even doesn't have the power to do have a fantastic week we're on for next week stay dry