Part 44: Classic Spiritual Underachievers

there it goes okay good morning everyone as always our learning this morning in the amuna she is dedicated should have we are on Page in T and it's page five in the handout at the letter B we continue our conversation of amuna I'm not sure how many new ideas we introduce each week but it's a support group just uh we keep we keep speaking about it I I was a few minutes late because I just uh published online My article for this week and I invoke another teaching of we saw together which is the that why do I have normally is translated faith in when I speak I mention my suffering my travails but theab translates it no why do I have Amun because I keep speaking about you God I talk about you wherever I go into whoever will listen I invoke your name in every conversation and uh and therefore I have amuna I promote and I live with amuna and my article is about um I was at an event yesterday and sometimes from the least expected places you hear not necessarily religious personality and not a Jewish personality who speaks more freely and openly about God than we do observant Torah Jews Who hide we're ashamed we're apologetic we're defensive we don't talk about God we don't talk about our religion we don't do whatever and and we can learn from others who are not shy and our responsibility and obligation in making a kid hasem in a fulfillment of K to you to be a a and a to be a nation of priests means you know the priest doesn't hide the oh priest or Rabbi or clergy is responsible for talking about God if the clergy member is afraid to talk about God then who's going to talk about God so we are the clergy of the world whether we like it or not if we're born into the Jewish people we're born with a responsibility a mission and a mandate to be the m and we are a nation of clergy members you still can't get the preferred parking at the hospital but you're you could try it I don't know if it'll work you could try it but um I can but I don't know if you can but I told you she can at the hospital it's not like a feminist thing but you know she reiton reiton is a member of the clergy um but we are a nation of clergy members that we have a responsibility to the world so there we have to talk about it so hopefully from Wednesday to Wednesday we also talk about it but we get together for our amuna support group to talk about it more and more and more because if if if we talk about it more and more then the result will be we live with a greater sense of Amun okay we're at o b amuna surrounds Us in all our circumstances amuna again is not just something on my list it's not something I have to get done Amun is not an act Amun is not a behavior Amun is a way of life am is a way of being it's true it affects my my body it affects my nees it affects my spirit it's like a light that surrounds that a light that envelops every circumstance and my entire being above and below and within everything so is what it means to trust in God to have faith in God to see hashem's presence to see his guiding hand in everything that we do we say when God teaches MOS when God teaches mosha the 13 descriptions of his compassion we say Hashem hasem we say God's name twice why do we say it twice it's redundant why are we saying just say once why so the answer the says God says I'm God before you make a mistake I'm God after you make a mistake have faith in God is Not not just when we're perfect when we're on a high when everything's going well andm is not just when you're walking out of when you walk out at nil you wish you could feel that the whole year these walls Shake during the with the singing at the top of our lungs and the screaming the level of certainty the level of certitude the level of confidence we have there Aon sh and he loves me and I love him and this is going to be my year never going to speak lashar again I'm never we're going to not make a with again I love you and you love me who needs the cookie and orange juice who needs to break a fast who needs to ever her eat again I love you on the top of the world so you'll say where is it's after noem God says you know what I'm not just there for you we don't just have that intimate connection we don't just have that love affair we don't just have it before the but also after the even after you know what's worn off is worn off it's a beautiful I'm going tell you for nextus I love this says you take the what do you mean when is suus the first of no suus is the 15th of what do you mean take the four species on the first first of what it's not the first it's the 15th answers answer this is the first day of sinning first day of sinning so the this wonderful of Bernard Weinberger from The Young Israel of Somewhere in Brooklyn author shov he asks what do you mean is the 10th of suus is not until the 15th 11th 12th 13th 14 we have plenty of days to sin you came off in the IL sucus is not your first day to lose it after the you have right which is they say why do you begin God should forgive sins you're already clapping why what did you do so those who live in Israel will say because you Sayang but you didn't mean it that's what they say that's why you're clapping but the more simple shat is you know why because when you your over you're like oh finally done now we get to the fun stuff so that you say but you could have SE the 11th the 12th the 13th the 14th so sh gives a great answer says the sh no from yipper you got to go buy the do minim so exced excited it's new it's fresh you're still on your high you got to build the Suka you have to decorate the Suka you're cooking the cabbage and meatballs you're going to eat in the cold up north Suka you cook you're so excited then sukus comes and the day to fulfill all the Mitzvah that you've been so excited to get ready for comes now you're tired now you're burnt out by then already I'm not only God not only when you're on a not only when everything's good not only when you're well behaved but also before the sin when you're shaking from your Yar when you're fire burning inside you you're trying to figure out how to be spared how to be saved through amuna through a strong amuna to realize no that's beneath me to behave that way I'm capable of having the discipline and the dignity and the self-control to stand before I don't want to disappoint my father I would never want to fail my mother I don't want to do that to hasem is either how can I do it to God sometimes what keeps a child on a path is not because their conviction their belief they so love their parent one of the most painful things in the world is to feel you failed a parent one of the greatest sources of joy in the world is to give Nas to a parent it's true even when when you're a senior citizen like me you know when a parent gives you a when a parent when a parent gives you a compliment your parent gives you positive feedback there a certain kmak it's it's an amazingly positive feeling you know that's that's it's true from AR Kaplan writes that the way that we can the way we get pleasure from hasem is that Hashem created a psychological structure within us that human beings have a psychological makeup that we get incredible perhaps the highest pleasure from positive feedback from those we admire so in fact studies all confirm this when they asked employees what they would prefer a financial bonus at the end of the year or a compliment from their boss compliment from the boss ranks higher than financial bonus I'm not talking about a game-changing bonus that you can buy a new house or a yacht you know any money is gamechanging for many but employees literally rank that positive feedback knowing they've done a good job in the eyes of someone they admire they report to and Authority above them that is a greater source of pleasure than financial reward children describe the same thing from parents more than a gift more than money although children are happy to take those too but is is a positive word positive feedback positive comment is affection from someone they admire someone they report to someone they view as an authority and if that's the way that God created our psychological makeup if that's true for our boss it's true for our parent it's all the more so true for him the joy the satisfaction that one can get by knowing I just gave Hashem I just gave hem whether I D with kavana I gave sta I did a I picked up garbage everyone was walking by I whatever the case may be I made a kid I just gave that feels great that's an unbelievable fulfillment that's an unbelievable feeling so theab explains that when you feel tempted for AA to look at that to say that to listen to that to eat that to do that and you feel the Temptation burning inside you think about your father think about your father not your biological father think about our Father God so you know what this would dis this would devastate him be so disappointing it would so hurt him whatever pleasure that I would derive think about the pain it would cause him and think about how the pleasure of overcoming my instinct myar In This Moment the pleasure of giving him far surpasses whatever pleasure of the Yahara was trying to get me to do right now so it's a strategy it's a methodology to uh to try to overcome theara that's the Cod work to help protect us before the is to know that there's also accountability we report to God he's our boss and it's even true when that methodology didn't work when the Str strategy didn't help and you know what the pleasure that was before you versus the pleasure that is invisible that's theoretical person gave into the eight Sahara you looked at you at you said you listened to you did the thing that you shouldn't have if God forbid you didn't stand the test and you stumbled and you fell and now you feel broken you feel pathetic you feel inadequate you feel distant from the almighty you feel unworthy so what's the antidote then because often these things spiral what happens you make one mistake you make a second mistake you make a third mistake at some point you say you know what what's the point anyway why should I live like one of the Holy Rollers when privately when no one knows I've got all these challenges and failures and I'm living this other life why bother coming TOA why bother trying to D with kavana why bother being sanua why bother working on lashara why bother because you know I'm a nothing anyway and I keep failing anyway so mistakes compound themselves when they cause us to stop believing in ourselves when they stop cause us to see ourselves as inadequate inferior unworthy incapable and therefore to give up so what do you need after the you need a no you're still B you're a child of the almighty so what you made a mistake you made a series of mistakes you've made terrible mistakes so what you're a child your father is always waiting to welcome you home your mother has open arms nobody they're looking to forgive more than you are remorseful they're looking to welcome you back more than you're even asking to come back and hasem is the same way that's the that's after the sin we say in daving at night in Mar remove the from before us from after us I understand the Satan from before us ooh that looks juicy I want to share that l o i want to do that wrong thing that's the Temptation the desire the seduction I understand remove it from before us what's remove it from after us so many say that what it means is is that after the Satan's already got us he nailed us after the Satan is already seduced us now we start saying why bother trying again I'm so incapable I'm so I'm so inadequate I'm So Unworthy remove that Satan that voice that says I've sunken so low there's no hope I've strayed so far I can't come back I don't have it within me to live that life it's just not me other people can be the Holy Rollers the righteous people other people can have other people can keep Tor other people can di with other people can do the and be those kind amazing people it's just not me that's the that's the who follows us who tries to continue to drag us down and compound us and that's where the amuna comes in after the fact as an antidote stems from the knowledge that we are the children of where's children so what does that mean about us so listen to this amazing teaching in this week's para I learned this I was learning this with a group on the other day it's not often that you'll see the same thing in these two and then recently one of his came out with a beautiful volume on the par which is a collection of uh my Reb's insights on the par and I opened it and Imam says the same thing so it's not often that the have the same Insight on the par but they say the same thing here which is what second of the two pars we're going to read is the Mandate mission to live a life of Kad of kadha Kos to you be holy be sacred be Sanctified how do we be holy first of all what is Holiness that's for another time holy is a Catholic term who knows what holy is what's holy Define holy for me separate so separate is the Jewish term Rashi says means to be separate to be apart to be distinct to be distinguished to be different not in a bad way but it means unlike the Christian or Catholic view of Holiness you know what holy means for a cath for Christian Catholic holy means take a vow of abstinence a vow of silence a vow of fasting there's a physical world be apart from it and that's how you become holy Judaism says that's not Holiness that's counterfeit Holiness that's a fake root to Holiness you know how you're holy eat food make sure it's kosher make a br before and after make sure it's healthy gives you the energy to live says enjoy physical pleasure intimacy with someone you're married to in the right context in the right modest way at the right time and so on so holiness is not being a part transcended from the physical world it's being in the physical world but elevating it making it apart distinguish different than just indulging in it in that way so that's kados to you be holy where do we find the strength where do we find the capacity to fulfill that to live a life that charge that mission Kosh to you be holy it's overwhelming it's almost impossible so the PK ends where do we find it God says because I'm holy that's nice God you're holy what does it have to do with my Holiness I'm glad you're so smart why does it make me smart glad you're so ath I'm glad that comes so easily to you glad you have a quick metabolism and you don't desire chocolate cake what does it have to do with me God says I'm holy K to you you should also be what does one thing I have to do with the other say this and the following you know what it has to do with it what if your parent says you know what I'm this you're also that when your parent says it you say w I have the same genetic makeup as you I am you I come from you my DNA is from you if you have that in your DNA I have it in my DNA we are we are we are we are God's children if we're God's children we have his DNA and if in God's DNA he's got kados kadus then kadosh to you then if we realize what's in our own DNA we too can live that so both developed this beautiful idea that the Kad doesn't mean you start neutral you're tarasa you're a clean slate now go out and become holy no what it means is you're born inside you is Holiness don't mess it up don't distort it don't ruin it protect it preserve it express it fulfill it realize it you have it within you when I was a kid I did not do well in school I was the kid every time my parents came up from parent teacher conferences I got that speech I now find myself giving that speech but I give that speech about what's the speech the classic you're an underachiever speech your teacher says you're smart you have the ability you're just not applying yourself you could be doing so much better look at your younger brother no they didn't say look they say but you clearly have capacity and you're not realizing it right we have a term for that underachiever underachiever there's overachievers which is its own illness of overachievers I don't know which one's worse suffering with being an underachiever or suffering from being an overachiever each one has its challenges um but classic underachiever what does it mean to be an underachiever the teacher tells the parent parent teacher night your child is an underachiever loves to say that in the old days you're not Reaching Your Potential in the old days the the parent teacher night the child would shake in their boots parents going to come home and Report what the teacher said the kids's in trouble now Parent Teacher Night the teacher shakes in their boots parents going to come in they going to tell the teacher so if a teacher said your child is underachieving today they would say how dare you say my child is perfect smart they're doing the best they can it's you your test your Affair the whole world is backwards and upside down but old days they would say you're what does it mean to be an underachiever it means you have it in your DNA you have the capacity you have the cognitive ability you have the intellectual ability you're not applying yourself you're not realizing it you're not achieving it if that's true within intellectual Arena so K means it's true within a lifestyle Arena of Holiness a how do you know we're under achieving how do you know we have it in us because because I know your parents I know your father I know he has DNA he's and if he has that and he gave it to you he's your father it's in your DNA don't be an underachiever you have the ability to strive and to push and to stretch and to reach for living a life of Greater modesty in our dress and our speech and our actions and our thoughts and our Behavior a life of Greater virtue and greater righteousness a life of Greater meaning and greater purpose a light of Greater Giving a life of Greater amuna with our father so because we're children of hem it's in our DNA we have that ability that's what the Reb is writing here strengthen yourself to know even after you've Fallen when you feel low when you feel incapable no you are capable I know you're capable you're underachieving and I know you're capable and stop using the cop out and stop hiding behind it's not me and I can't you can and it is you and how do I know that I know your DNA I know your father I know where you come from you're underachieving we should feel ourselves like the child of the king who the child of the king the prince and even the most lowly States doesn't matter what those two princes from England I don't remember their brothers whatever they're on the cover of the national inquir for that week where they go which club they attended who they hung out with it doesn't matter what life I'm not ranking on them I don't know anything about them but it doesn't matter what they might do in the end of the day the reason they're on the cover a lot of kids are in I'm not saying they're doing any of these things let me put it hypothetically I don't want to speak lard about the princes but if a prince were found to be hanging out in a club and doing drugs and alcohol and all mixed up with all the wrong things there's a lot of people doing all that why are they on the cover of the Tabloid news because they're still a prince cuz they're still a prince they're child of royalty they're monarchy so we too whatever circumstance or atmosphere however we lower our wherever we're hanging out we're still we're royalty we're still a child of the king I am God before I am God afterwards I am the same God don't think that youve strayed too far I mean father have you ever strayed too far to come home if there are parents who do reject a child who's gone too far that's a deficiency in the parent that is a virus a breakdown in the parenting a parent is programmed that a parent the child there's an unconditional love the child loves the parent loves the child no matter what we're on the left hand column that even in the moment of failing God even in that moment of failing God and your your inclination is burning bright the fire is lit even that moment of Temptation desire where it's impossible it feels impossible to overcome and persevere you're in the hands you're in the clutches of the other side even there you can call out to God from the depths I call out to you God from the depths doesn't only mean from the depths of despair of suffering from the depths of being in trouble but MIM from the depths I call out to you God means from the depths of being in a really deep dark lowly place even in a bad place this says we we quote in Jewish law that the we have the stand at a be a higher platform so everyone could hear him but really the should stand lower from the depths I call out those coming to Poland will see at the of the RA in cow where the stands is a step down not a step up little do they know in cow that they would really feel M what m means we're going to learn the chos the responsa of rri the r of the kto and the questions he was answering are extraordinary and the name of his many volume set of Shas his response to literature in the Holocaust is Shas MIM from the depths I call out to you so from the depths is not only when other people knock us down but it's mimim even when I've brought myself down I'm in the clutches I'm in the hands of the SAT the sitra thear whatever name you want to give him but the voice inside us says Ah it's okay do that look at that say that experience that so even in that place call even within Theos even Within These bad places I am I can find you it's bad enough given into thear to eat that look at that say that listen to that do that don't add to it by listening to thear to say and therefore now you're unworthy there is no God even God's angry at you even God won't take you back even God doesn't care about you even when we're in the bad place doing the bad thing you could find hem even there we're not saying that doesn't care about the sin we're not saying who doesn't hold us accountable for the mistake it's not that he's a parent who loves us so much that he never creates boundaries or consequ consequences or accountability loving parents have boundaries and accountability and teach consequences and Hashem as a loving parent teaches that to us too we have to know we have to know that we believe in there's a system of reward and Punishment we have to believe that so to say that we can call out to God even when we're failing him doesn't mean that he's a parent who won't hold us accountable for failing him what it means is we can find him even there even in a lowly space like this if even though we're going ahead with the we sayem I feel terrible about it I want you to know that even while I do this I feel terrible so that even that creates a connection to Hashem in that lonely place here is being careful to say I'm not endorsing I'm not saying it's a freefor all do whatever you want but I'm saying that we're human we're fallible we have shortcomings it's hard to always win sometimes we're going to lose but even when we're losing to the Yahara don't lose don't give the Yahara more than you have to you're losing that moment lose the moment don't allow him to convince you that you're therefore somehow rejected from Hashem even in that moment we can find Hashem so it's a very powerful message and a very powerful image of finding Hashem not only walking out of when it's easy to see amazing I'm on a high I'll never do this again I'll never do that again I love you you love me everything's amazing but even even during the one can strengthen their even in those times which will help us recover from the help us avoid the next and still at least maintains that special relationship with Hashem we're going to stop here have a one wonderful day