Part 38: Ups and Downs in our Marriage to Hashem

all right we're going to get started um first of all I see some new faces if anyone is not on the email list to know whether we're having class or not then uh please sign up your name um so that you can know in advance for example next week we do not have class um and also if you're not signed up for our WhatsApp group where we try to have a few times a week a little message about amuna feel free to sign up for that as well so we'll pass this around if anyone's name is not on it please add it okay we're on page MV n Shalom we've been going through this l and as always we dedicate our learning and the uh the Shalom who we've been studying now for many many weeks has developed this notion of amuna the idea that there are sophisticated forms of faith and there are simple forms of Faith there's a faith that develops with investigation and Analysis and research by contemplating the um the uh evidence of God's exist and then there's the simple Faith which is to use your senses and to be aware of what's happening in the world and to have your antenna extended in a way that you're not doing anything extraordinary You're simply receiving the messages that are being broadcast all around us in other words and this is a key key question that we've discussed before is the default that there's no God that the world is made of Randomness and we need to be proven to us that there is a God or is the default that obviously there's a God obviously there's something greater obviously there's meaning and order to the world and if you don't believe there is a God it's because there's something interfering there's static that's inter interrupting your picking up the uh the messages around us and the obviously endorses the idea that the default is every child who knows their parents are their parents and their grandparents are their grandparents and their great-grandparents are their great-grandparents every child who innately and intuitively is born knowing they come from somewhere and they're something bigger than themselves also if they take that theory again not consciously but subconsciously all the way they know that there's a first cause there's a creator of the universe there's a father in Heaven and that it's only because life has dealt us either difficult circumstances or challenges or clouded our judgment or our vision or has made believing in God incompatible with the lifestyle we want to lead that we conclude that maybe there is no Hashem but really the fault is that in our Kish is to know that there is that there is a God now that is is not always easy to achieve because that notion that I just said of of life's circumstances interfering with our conclusions um is is something challenging it happens to all of us you go through a hard time things are not simple you feel alienated distance far away from Hashem it's easy to conclude I don't I know where's God what kind of God would do that what kind of God would allow that why would God do this to me or to someone I care about so we're on the bottom paragraph of page me and he says that this is what the means that it's good to thank hasem to in the morning speak of and to affirm our at night that even when those thick clouds cover the sun one has to believe with their essence of their being that there are thick clouds at that moment covering what you already know in an absolute in an absolute way and in an absolute fashion I think I gave this example last time and I'm going to give it again because I was just on a plane so it happens every time but when we were I was uh flying back from Israel Monday and we landed in uh it was a stop over in zurk and on the way there in the stop over in zurk I saw the most magnificent snowcapped mountains and I told you about rers and hashem's expectation visit my Alps I can I was y I could tell hem saw the Alps mag ific they look good on the way back I I literally spent the last 45 minutes of the flight looking out the window trying to figure out whether I was looking at snow or clouds in other words it was just landscaped with with white and I was just I was staring I was obviously also exhausted which is why you would spend 45 minutes on an airplane staring out the window trying to figure that out but I couldn't figure it out was it was it snow or was it clouds was it just the ground covered in the snow or was it I couldn't figure it out as landing and landing and Landing you know as we got awfully close to them I was hoping that they were clouds because we were about to if it was snow we were about to crash into the ground and lo and behold we got closer and closer and closer and then we were in the midst of these clouds and when we passed through the clouds and we were beneath so when we're on top of the clouds clear blue skies sun is shining it's radiating off the white of what were the clouds it was just magnificent so peaceful and we passed through the clouds and as we're about to land and once we got through the clouds it was like pitch blackout it was it was like dark because the cloud cover was so thick from the perspective of Earth it was so incredibly dark and that's what the shalam says now when we landed it was uh 11:30 in the morning Zurich time but it might as well have been 10:00 at night because the cloud cover was so thick but did I have any doubt in my mind that there is a sun and that the sun was out I looked at my watch it's 11:30 in the morning I just saw the sun I understand what it looks like I understand the Rays the light the illumination I had no doubt I just had to have faith I had to have confidence I had to tap into that inner voice that just witnessed the Sun and remember it's there it's shining bright it's true it's fulfilling its Mission there's just clouds blocking it right now but you know what I'm going to take off again in an hour and a half and we're going to break through the clouds I'm going to see the sun again it's there and it's only a matter of time till I can break through the clouds and see the sun again so says the that's exactly what AM is about we have moments of we have night time and night time is not meant to be taken literally as nocturnal hours the nighttime nighttime means when it feels dark out it could be 11:30 in the morning and feel like it's pitch black out right I said last time if you live in Florida in the summer 3:00 every afternoon it feels like the middle of the night the clouds come out it pours and then they dissipate and the Sun comes out again you could feel darkness and night time even during the daylight hours and when you do so in the morning you wake up when you're flying high above the clouds and it's bright and the sun is out and it's magnificent and it's peaceful so it's easy Hashem you're magnificent it's wonderful everything's bright and clear and obvious that's easy to feel's during the day but BOS when all of a sudden the dark the clouds come in and they and they they block your vision and it's easy to then say where's Hashem what is Hashem why would Hashem do this I don't know if there is Hashem so that's requires not that's not when we tap into knowing or singing or praising or thanking hashem's kindness that's when it comes to that's when we have to tap into amuna and and so what the Reb is developing it's an amazing tool is the idea that when you have the moments of cloud when it feels dark out there's two reactions you could have you could say well I guess there goes the sun the sun must have exploded the sun must have disappeared the sun floated away there goes the sun isn't there a song like that there goes the Sun or you could say not that the sun is gone and I'm adjusting to my new life of dark clouds and permanent nighttime and the fact that you know I can't see anything and nothing makes sense and I don't accept anything but the opposite conclusion is to say wow now is when I'm challenged most to remember and remind myself that the sun is there even when I can't see it now is when I have to reaffirm and tap into that inner voice and remember the image and the experience of the sun even when I can't see it right that's his words this is the challenge of hiddenness of concealment that the thick clouds are covering your feeling it takes work to have Amun we want amuna to come easy we want it to be that when everything makes sense and is beautiful and comes together when when everything is Hony dor when everything is the flow of blessing in our life and goodness so that's when I say yeah there's a God thank you hashm everything is amazing but when the rubber meets the road and when the tough comes that's the test of amuna it's easy to have amuna when everything it's by the way when I say it's easy most people still don't they forget Hashem they neglect Hashem when everything's going well but in in theory it's easy if you're reminded of it who would deny that it's easy at that yeah you throw God a you you throw God why not everything's good but when things are tough it's hard it's hard and Amun doesn't come easy that's when it's hard that's when it's it's time to remember that it's true in all relationships relationships have moments of sun of light and they have moments of clouds and of Darkness the best relationships in the world the best marriages in the world hasem created us different we're designed to be different and that's the beauty of marriage is that we compl complement and supplement one another we bring out the best in another we agitate each other to the point of growing right the uh the Pearl grows in the what do the Pearl grow in the clam and oyster the Pearl grows in the oyster and supposedly the mechanism in the Oyster is it's agitated and it's secretes and it's stimulated and it's bothered and then it produces the Magnificent Gem of of the Pearl it's through agitation that a person not not that we seek it or create it but when it happens we reflect on it realizing the growth opportunity in it I'll tell you a word in last week's para that you know the gar says that that it's as difficult you know the gamar asked what now that God created the world and he split the sea and he did 10 plague you know he hasn't really revealed his hand since he hasn't really shown his hand since so what's what's he what's he busy doing what's taking up his time he has shown his hand since there's Miracles all around us it's just not as revealed I took a I reserve the right to tell the story again in ausser but I took it we took a cab in in cabs it's worth flying to Israel for drous material like one hour in Israel is a few druses took a cab and the cab driver was we were driving near the old city and he started volunteering to us you know the Jordanian houses used to go to here and this is where the mines were and this is where the I like what why that's fascinating why you telling us that he goes oh I fought in The Six Day War and I was part of the group that paratroopers that took the old city and so I saw all of this firsthand and he he told Beyond incredible stories he was actually the first person at the cotel when the cotel was recaptured he was the first person there and the way he described that story that you'll have to hear at some point later this year it was unbelievable but what's amazing is so I pulled I said you know oh wow like Were You There When gorin blew the show yeah of course I was standing right next to him I said one second one second one second I Google in the cab I pull up the picture I show him the picture and I say he goes yeah that's me right there to the left of roran so I took a picture with him afterwards and I made a little picture side by side and I circled him in the roran picture it looks exactly like him it's him anyway he had amazing Stories and he was my my best friend and I called him and took him for every cab ride that we had to go for after that and um would you share his number uh happily I actually begged him to meet with the hill eth graders when they go on the annual trip to Israel would he show them through the old city and he was like why why why would I do that I'm like because you're a hero he's like I'm a hero I'm a cam driver I just fought in every war and helped conquer the old city and was the first one at the Coto but that's just that was what I was that was my job that's just what I was supposed to be doing anyway that's the beauty of Israel Ordinary People Extraordinary People living ordinary lives so that six day later I'll tell you that story but the sixth day war of course is a great miracle Hashem has not been bored he has plenty of work to do like around the world today he has a lot on his plate so but the gamar Wonders what what's God been doing since the six days of creation and some of the revealed Miracles what's he busy with and the gamorra concludes you know what he's busy with is making if anyone's been involved in making sh you realize that it takes not a Herculean effort it takes a Godly effort that even God's hands are full sometimes with the challenges of of making shim basically Wonders that really it's like such tough work that it takes God I mean doesn't God know about the websites can't he refer people to J and so SI and and why you connects it takes God to be involved so the gar says yeah it takes God you know why because K it's as difficult to pair people off K as it was you think it's so simple you think God divided the sea and he's moved on he hasn't done anything since every marriage that lasts is the equivalent Miracle as the splitting of the Sea and the commentaries all wonder wow that's a pretty bold statement you know splitting the sea was a once in a history moment the sea split it Formed two walls 12 walls corridors that each of the tribes passed through you're telling me that every K every marriage every anniversary is uh is somehow as as miraculous the Mahar of yud of PR Prague has a great interpretation and he says the following I think this is the Cornerstone of marriage he says that what was the miracle of the splitting of the Sea The Miracle of the splitting of the sea was that naturally water molecules stick together water flows to its lowest point and water collects and it pools together and those are the natural characteristics of water if you take a fork and a knife and you say you know what I have a bowl of water but I have two kids fighting over it so I'll take a fork and a knife and I'll cut the water in half I'll give each of them a portion will that work obviously not that defies nature defies the natural order of things it's not the way Water Works when the sea split God intervened and something Supernatural what is Supernatural Supernatural means a break in nature above nature interrupting or interfering with nature naturally Waters together when water split into two something Supernatural happened says the maral you know people are naturally apart separate individual unique self-interested when you take two people and they're able to overcome their natural instinct to be separate and independent and apart and they're able to become one that's equally as super natural it's equally as miraculous taking two becoming one is equally as miraculous as taking one and becoming two it's an amazing Insight of the Mahar so if a person runs into challenges in marriage and when I say challenges I don't mean you know necessarily deep ongoing therapy and and borderline divorce or I don't mean you know moments of infidelity or or crisis I just mean you wanted to have fliks for dinner and she wanted to have mil for dinner I just mean that you had this view of how the day would go and they had that view I just mean you left the socks out of the hamper or you forgot to pick up the dry cleaning I just mean the daily life of Living married you are each born different different personalities and different interests and different skill sets and different deficiencies and different backgrounds and different perspectives and Different World Views and different strengths and you take two people who are different and you try to blend them together you're you're going to find friction you're going to find friction the moral is saying is Embrace that friction that friction is not something which is bad the friction is good it's healthy the gamar says that you know the AER cono the notion of the friction can either lead you to be an AER to one another the friction the differences can make you um be honest with one another bring out the best in one another challenge one another create growth opportunities in one another learn to compromise and sacrifice it can bring out the best in you you're an AER you could be you know the cono the opposite and the and the the adversary and the conflict and the you know constantly the the negativity and so on the choice is ours in marriage how do we embrace it sometimes to be the best AER you have to be cono sometimes to be the best helpmate you have to stand opposite the person if you see your your partner doing something you think is wrong or you have to you know challenge them or bring out the best in them but it's all how you do it and so on and so forth so maral is saying that fundamental to marriage is the recognition and the appreciation that the goal of marriage is not to create uniformity that we look and talk and sound and appear and think and do exactly the same the goal of marriage is not a struggle of you know in Tomic terminology called alar whoever is more strong will can force the other to conform to be them I like my meat rare you like it well done no problem for now on you like it rare I like to go to sleep early you like to go to sleep late for now on you like like to go to sleep early that I totally erase whatever your individuality is and I make you conform to me that is not the goal of marriage says the maral that would defy the goal of marriage embrace the differences between us because that's what brings out that's what brings out the absolute best in us it's all how we navigate the differences I gave once a three or four part series on on John Gman the the authority on marriage today and and bunding it with TOA thoughts and I quoted this Mahar that context because Gman says the exact same thing about marriage John Julie gotman um studied not what makes bad marriages but what makes healthy marriages you did such a great job with that oh thank you so much hold on did we get that yeah I appreciate that you thank you you can listen online it's on y to and it's not me it's all it's all the Gans I'm huge fans of the Gans and I've employed their um conclusions in my own life and in and in my own um in my own nonprofessional counseling don't you think part of the sh of Crisis today is because we oppose that form of indiv individuality and everybody wants the same thing or in certain communities they are forced to do the same thing and want the same type yeah you know what I don't know I don't know enough to have a comment on this but but since you asked um I don't know that in the sh crisis it's a matter of of singles trying to force others to conform as much as trying to meet people who they won't have to be be flexible too who are completely compatible with what they want and their lifestyle their thoughts and their everything and if the person is not including the appearance in the picture that was attached to the resume um you know so everything has to line up including the dress size in advance and if it's not all compatible I have no room to grow and I think that's a fundamental it's that look that's a that's a gross generalization which may be unfair but you're both saying the same thing yeah but no but the difference I think is that I I don't know well I'm talking about in certain communities though everybody has to have the same expectation right they have to fit into a box into a mold and look and exactly the same right yeah I hear that I hear that so Gman says the same thing in terms of so again the Brilliance of Gman and you could buy many of his bestselling books and and they're all fantastic is that um and I can't repeat the four-part lecture in the next 5 minutes but but fundamental to his his approach to healthy marriages because again he doesn't study failing marriages he studies what are the ingredients that make a healthy marriage and and kind of the first ingredient he finds is to embrace the differences between you not to keep trying to force the other to conform or to forget or to concede or to submit but to recognize that those differences are what makes marriage great it's how you grow it's how you learn it's how you it's what makes the interaction fantastic and and you know he did research and he shows that I forget exactly what the number is 60 70% of the fights that we have in marriage are recurring fights we just have them over and over and over again and the reason we have them throughout our lives people today are celebrating unprecedentedly 5060 70th wedding anniversaries as we have greater longevity you know we'll need new names and and minerals to describe uh the length of these anniversaries but um you could be married 60 70 years and you're having the same fight that you had from your Chev br's week right which you know Gman shows that most fights revolve around um money intimacy your family and you're having the same exact fights that you've been at 40 50 60 70 years you're going have the same fights he shows I forgot what percent of 60 70% of the fights are the exact same fights it's mindboggling so I actually went to a two-day seminar with him and he showed us a video where he had been counseling a couple and the couple were fighting about money one was raised with a wealthier background and one was raised with less privilege the one with the wealthier background spent freely and the one with less privilege did not spend freely was much more um cheap is the wrong word Frugal thank you it was much more frugal so they were constantly fighting constantly fighting about money can we afford this should we be buying this why' you do this it was an enormous recurring fight in their marriage and they couldn't solve it or settle it between the two of them so Gman goes to a elementary school and he goes into a classroom of little kids I forgot the exact grade and he describes to them boys and girls I have a problem I have friends who are married and they've been fighting about money and one you know wants to spend more and the other doesn't want to spend more and what do you think we should do the little kids all talk and a girl raises her hand and she says I think that they should sometimes spend money and sometimes not spend money and decide together when they should spend and when not to and what was gan's point is that a little child can draw the conclusion that could end the Perpetual locked in fight that recurs over and over and over again but what's the problem What's blocking us from solving that Pro that that fight is the insistence that if I just articulate it one more time if I just confront them one more time if I just engage them one more time I can convince them why I'm right they're wrong they have to submit and concede and gotman says so that's why you're locked into 40 50 60 years of the exact same fight and instead he describes and I have worked with couples to do this that it has transformed their marriages that you identify I actually gave this as as an exercise and I want to get back to amuna but I I gave this as an exercise that each member of the couple each spouse independently come up with a list of the top three things they fight about what are the recurring fights that you're having all the time the top three things that you keep fighting about and then not in a moment of a fight but when there's common peace between you go to Starbucks it's good to have these conversations public settings because therefore the the decel level cannot rise a scene can't be created it's kind of an external you know enforces some civility in the conversation and and compare your notes and see whether the things you fight about line up it'll be interesting to learn with whether you agree even on what you fight about or you're about to have a fight about what you fight about and you figure that out and then you make subsequent meetings at Starbucks designated in moments of calm and peace to try to negotiate and navigate or the better word is mediate the things that you keep fighting about how can we come up with a solution that will work for now on how can we mediate it so that we don't continue to have this fight all the time over and over and over again and Gman shows that if you do that you can eliminate 60 70% of your fights when you want to have 60 to 70% more peace and quiet in your life now the prerequisite to that is that both members of the couple are prepared to mediate mediate means compromise it means I have this value you have that value I'm done trying to make you submit or concede or or conform I'm now just trying to figure out how we can eliminate 60 70% so I'm going to give you an example cuz my wife is 6,000 Mi away in another time zone so I'm going to give you an example we're we're King on tape so I might be M might be sleeping on your couch next week but I will I give this example because I think it's a it's a pretty benign example we we go to a lot of Simas we go to a lot of events and we love them we love participating and it's wonderful it's what makes the Rabin net and being part of a of a communal family amazing we go to a lot of events a lot of events so I'm a little bit more of a punctual person I'm not going to I Will Not conclude the opposite but it's not a matter of punctuality it's more more matter matter of priority and to y's tremendous credit because we go to so many events she wants to minimize the amount of time that we're leaving the kids at pivotal times Sundays evenings they need to be put to bed homework and so on and so forth I'm always very eager to get there what if the what if the they're having speeches first and they're calling on me to speak what if they what you we need to get it's not right we're late for them this is their Sim even though we go all the time and she feels we go all the time and we need to minimize the amount of time we're leaving the children and therefore you know we know that there's the standing around doing nothing for an hour then there's the whatever we can get there late we every we went to we're locked into this conversation where I was eager to go she was taking her time and it wasn't because one of us was right one of us was wrong even though I'm always right but it was because it was a different perspective and different so you know what we said this is ridiculous we we need to just figure out a solution so that every single Sim we don't end up having right so we we just it was a simple conversation and maybe this will be obvious to you it would have to the third grade girl that gotman went to we just concluded that you know what we're going to go to Sim separately it's a very simple now I'm not talking about you know local Sim we'll go separately and we coordinated but you know you like to go home together from a SIM so one of us found a ride there and that way we were able to come back together and now we eliminated the fact that every s we argue about when we should leave and what time to get there so I'm giving this as as a simple example of using this exercise and this tool to identify the issues that are recurring to not try to force someone to conform to you but mediate and figure out the compromise somewhere in between and by so doing to be able to eliminate some many okay why am I telling you all of this what in the world just have to do with amuna yeah how many tricks did it take you to get to that point how many Starbucks tricks hey wait we didn't even go to Starbucks for that one we just we just figured that out that one yeah that's the one I'm sharing with you yeah yeah why am I telling you this about amuna right exactly why am I telling you this about amuna because you know in the moments of conflict and friction and marriage in a healthy marriage I'm not talking about a marriage in crisis I'm not talking about a marriage on the verge of of of dissolving I'm talking about a generally healthy loving marriage which has moments of friction which I showed to you from the maharal and from Gatman are not um they're they're part of the building blocks of marriage because we are by definition different so stop trying to destroy that and break that embrace it and grow from it so in the healthy Mo in the moments of friction and the healthy marriage is when the dark clouds come out so do you say you know what that's it I'm getting divorced I wanted FL you wanted milx you forc me to go to milx I've scheduled the get for tomorrow and I'm serving you with papers because you know what there's dark clouds out right voices Rose decel levels Rose temperatures Rose we were screaming blaming each other and comparing you you're exactly like your mother you're exactly it's always like this you always do this we ended up in a huge fight we feel like the other person is a stranger we don't even recognize we don't even want to be with we don't even know everything is horrible in that moment so when that happens not if but when that happens I would even argue that in a marriage that it doesn't happen I don't even know how good the marriage is so when that happens do you say well the clouds just came out it just got very dark inside it just got very dark and here I guess the Sun exploded I guess the sun blew away I guess the marriage is over it's over done finished get serving you with papers we're done how do you want to divide the money no you say to yourself you know what I know that yesterday I was madly in love and I know that tomorrow I'm going to be madly in love and I know that there's a shining sun behind those clouds and now is when I need to tap into that and say I need to check my ego at the door I need to try to look at this a little bit objectively I need to have some self-awareness and say how am I contributing to this fight and I need to man up or woman up and figure out not how to perpetuate this how to prolong this but how to end this because I want to get back to the sun I want the clouds to dissipate I want to get I want to take off again and fly up through the clouds and get back to the Sun so in a healthy marriage I don't think anyone consciously or mindfully thinks all this through the way I'm describing it but subconsciously we say I know I have a healthy marriage it's amazingly enriching and and and phenomenal and I love it and it's what I live for and I can't wait to get back to it I'm having a moment of dark clouds and now is when I need to remind myself that there's a sun up there and we instinctively do that and do what's necessary to end the fight and get back to the loving relationship and get back there because it's really where we all want to be and that's what theb is saying in a very round about way that I just described is if it's true in our relationship with um our spouse it's true in our relationship with family members it's true in our relationship with with friends I mean real friends that you are eager to get back to The Shining Sun not the one who the clouds came so strong that you say good ridden son but I mean real friendship in different Rel if it's true in these many Arenas and relationships of our life then it is also true arguably most true in the relationship with the almighty who the highest metaphor of that relationship is of a husband and a wife we have all these metaphors we've talked about this father son Master servant king um citizen we have all these different metaph for us for our relationship with hasem but the highest one says Shir the song of songs is the holiest of holy because picturing and envisioning and living our lives that God is our spouse is our lover is a husband and wife with the love and the longing and the intimacy and the and the connection and the yearning and the romance that is the highest relationship so sometimes in a relationship the clouds come out and This Moment God I said where are you I don't feel your love I don't love you where are you but that's when like in other relationships you have to remember that the sun is still burning bright up there and get back to it we're back inside when you feel in your heart a certain coldness do not allow the coldness that you feel in your heart to enter into your head what do you need to do you feel a coldness in your heart where is God I don't feel God I'm filled with doubt I'm filled with uncertainty I don't know don't allow those doubts to Creep from your heart into your head and to convince you that now God doesn't exist like we talked about last week briser I give tum to kasas I don't give tum to tum I give answers to questions I don't give answers to answers don't let the coldness in our heart transform themselves into answers that are presenting themselves as questions rather what do you have to do in that moment the the the advice is take the leap of faith that you have faith it's a great expression have faith that you have faith have faith that you have faith just feel that that what is true and what's real at that moment is being concealed it's being hidden but it's inside there it's under there and though you can't see it believe it believe it's there have faith that you have faith have faith in yourself that you will have faith in that trying moment and that we say why does God have to act that way with me why is this a hide and seek game why is it so hard to find him this is the secret of God this is the secret of the tests of the Soul we don't know exactly why but we know that it brings out the best in us we are seeking him yes take to the next that have faith that they your spouse has Faith Beyond yourself what you were saying well yeah if if you if you take it from take it back into marriage then it's that yeah in the moment that your marriage feels like it's uh challenged have faith in yourself and have faith in your partner that you both have the commitment and the devotion that it takes and this other it says says the that at the moment that you see that the amuna in your heart is decreasing you're forgetting there's a Hashem you you you you're not feeling it you're not saying it you you should embrace the doubt with a sense that the doubt too comes from God such an interesting interesting idea you know you wouldn't necessarily see this endorsing this approach what he's saying is that doubt lamb has a beautiful expression like this I forgot I forgot the exact wording but but faith without doubt is not Faith doubt is kind of a a real ingredient remember I said like a marriage which is bliss and joy and compatibility and never ever as friction of voices raised I I I challenge the the depth of that marriage again it's something that we strive I'm not saying we should you know everyone go home and try to get in a fight today because that means you're that means you're in a great marriage I'm not saying you should instigate or or seek the arguments but I'm saying that it to me it's a very shallow relationship if if there is no because we're all different we are all different those differences are great they will make up they what make up life so just like that's a real necessary prerequisite to a healthy marriage doubt is kind of a prerequisite to a healthy Faith a faith that never ever ever stumbled a faith that never tripped a faith that never hesitated or paused a faith that never is that a real Faith or is it shallow is it just lip service I love I love I if you're going through a crazy tragedy if something around you has suffered if you're in in in unbearable pain and you don't say whoa one second Hashem where are you or why are you doing this to me or I want to find you then you were living with a very shallow sense of Faith so when you're filled with the doubt and the uncertainty instead of using that as a cop out well I'm out of here I just don't see God or I don't know instead of wondering why do I have to experience this where is Hashem Reveal Your Hand talk to me the way you did to our forefathers this tradition has from the is to think of the doubt as also being a form of it's not just that wow everything worked out and is amazing and what what what Divine Providence that it all worked out perfectly even when it doesn't work out you have to say wow what Divine Providence that it didn't work out at all and part of it is not just wow I have faith what Divine Providence that could feel amuna you know what when I have the doubt it's wow what Divine Providence that right now I'm feeling doubt and I'm embracing the doubt and the doubt is there for me to struggle and to work and to overcome it's testing me it's challenging me and it's going to make me stronger so I don't take the doubt and use it as a copout I take the doubt and I embrace it as an opportunity to break through it to fight through it to run through that wall the harder something is the sweeter the achievement when I was in my year in Israel kab we went on a tile um near a lot I'll never forget it was like 3-hour hike it's probably like 15 minutes I just remember it it's 3 hours but it was a really long uous difficult hike and at the very end of the hike it left us on the top of a cliff with a magnificent magnificent view looking down and I still remember the mash of K of rlin saying to us you know had had we taken a helicopter and and just escorted everybody at the top of this mountain for this view you would have said nice view let me take a picture and would have been add here but because you just hiked and worked and climbed and climbed and hiked and worked this view means so much more to you because of the effort of took so amuna on the top of the mountain that view that perspective that life of amuna means so much more when you had to break through the doubt the obstacles of doubt that were placed along the line all the way so you say well God just give me a straight shot you know let me take the cable car why why do I have to why do I have to work and take the snake path but the there is because when you do it's so much more meaningful no pain no gain we know it in other areas of our life and when you get to the top of that mountain it is so much sweeter and the view is so much better and it's so much more transformative because the effort it took so when one feels you're struggling there's doubt there's uncertainty there's wonder where is Hashem don't say why do I have to go through this nor say you know what I'm out of here relationship's over I'm giving a get to God but rather say wow you know what I don't know why I'm going through this period right now I don't know why I'm experiencing this season of life right now but you know what this to is has this two is meant to be and for whatever reason I've been had this obstacle placed before me but guess what it's not going to stop me I'm going to climb over it I'm going to go around it I'm going to dig under it but I'm getting through it I'm going to get to the other side because I remember what that sunlight feels like I remember what it looks like and I'm so desperate to get back there I will do whatever it takes to get back there yes I feel like the last of that hashem's faith in us right if we woke up that day Hashem is right so when you when you wonder and doubt in Hashem remember that his if if your faith in God is struggling remember his faith in you is constant if you woke up today if you got a breath in your nostrils if you got a beat in your chest then if you woke up today whatever your faith in him is his faith in you is great that day all right we're off next week I'll be out of town again and uh we'll pick it up please God the week after have a great week everybody