Part 123: What Other People Have is None of Your Business

poov good morning our munir the series is sponsored this year we're very grateful to drors Ai and Bella Morgan who sponsored in memory of Rabbi Dr Brian gab bar benu Nas who we continue to think about every day I also want to mention that it is in the Merit of our brothers and sisters in Israel who continue to um be exposed to Rocket fire over 200 Rockets have been launched at them the last day and uh I always hesitate to ever mention this because I don't like when aun is built on these types of things but when you think about the fact that 200 Rockets could be launched at a country and B ion Hara not one casualty it's if that doesn't increase your sense of amuna and a sense of Faith then uh it should it should when you consider what are the odds and what are the possibilities and what are the implications so we think about our brothers and sisters and our learning should be in the Merit of their Safety and Security and that they should have the lasting and complete peace that they uh that they truly deserve okay we're on page pay Bay with the cars yeah yeah I don't know if anyone saw the video that came out yesterday the rockets that landed in the highway and exploded and if you saw that video there were cars going on the highway and it was like cars just passed and there were other cars that were not yet there and you saw the rocket explosed on the highway so um stay story about an older couple that lives in the dorm which the dorms are all rocket proov now right and she was not putting out laundry and this is an older couple that's lived in St for like 40 years right and it was just like pette but she was in the house with him instead of being hit yeah thank God thank God so we dive in for their safety we shouldn't have to rely on stories of Miracles but uh hopefully in the natural order they can have a sense of of peace and of Tranquility okay we're on page p which is how we're only really alive when we live with Amun person who doesn't have Amun is is not alive I had an interesting phone call last week I'm continuing it this week with someone who contacted me over email because they were forwarded the and they're struggling in their amuna they've really lost faith in Hashem and uh and they're struggling to lead an observant life to a young person so you get an email like that and you want to make that phone call whether they're a member or not so we began a conversation that hopefully will continue and in it and and was a wonderful person the fact that he was in the struggle and hasn't given up is already winning the struggle I always tell people that when they say I don't know I just don't know I'm losing I'm a failure I feel terrible about myself I say if we're having this conversation you're winning if you cared enough to initiate and to make contact if you're still struggling then you're far ahead of most because most who become complacent and complicit most who become simply happy they've excused themselves they don't even want to be in the struggle if you're still struggling to a certain degree you've already won so one of the things he said and and I'm not picking on him I don't know if he's still listening or not so I'm certainly not picking on him I'm picking on all of us but he said one of the reasons that I struggle is where is God in my life what has he done for me if I would see his hand and things would work out the way I want because he has certain things not going the way exactly he wants then I would believe so I said you don't you don't see God in your life where is he in your life let me ask you a question did you wake up this morning yeah are you healthy or you're faculties are working you were able to see and speak and your feet and your hands yeah you had a roof over your head and a warm bed to sleep in yeah you had food to put in your mouth and a car to drive you telling me that you have a job to go to and you're in school and you got into school yes where is God in your life who says you're entitled to any of those things how many people woke up this morning and were missing or lacking any one if not many of those things so you'll say well but that's the given that's like the Benchmark that's the standard I'm supposed to wake up and I'm supposed to have health and faculty and I'm supposed to get to go to school and work and do the things I want who says who says so you could look at all that and take it for granted and say that's the way it's supposed to be but where's God to help me win the lottery Where's God to make the world operate and function exactly the way I want where is God that he broke up with a girl again I don't want to reveal too much I said maybe God saved you from that girl who who knows who knows maybe God saved you from did I tell that story about the guy who was given the tour around jail and he meets one cell there's a man and he's crying and he's screaming and he's screaming the name Esther es is banging his head against the wall Esther and screaming Esther and Esther and he's pacing back and forth and he's pacing so the visitor the guest asked the warden what's the story with that guy in the cell and he says you know there was a woman that he fell in love with and that he wanted to marry and she broke his heart and he's never been the same since and all he does is pace and yell and scream and bang his head Esther Esther this woman they continue the tour they see some normal uh people and normal cells and normal and they get to another cell and there's another man yelling Esther Esther and he's banging his head and he's pacing so so the guest asked the warden he says tell me this he also Esther also broke up with him and the Wen says no he married Esther so as long as you're not Esther it's a good story as long as you're not Esther you're not related to Esther it's a good story what's my point is that even when we we break up and we say Hashem where were you why did that happen how did you allow that to happen Hashem is in the background saying you fool you fool do you know what I spared you from do you know what I saved you from do you know what I've orchestrated instead on your behalf we just said in Sitter Snippets a little for sitter Snippets God does the will of those who are in awe of him those who have those who live with a sense of awe and fear of our will what we want he does and our cries he hears and he saves us well if he's doing what we want why are we crying did it ever occur to you he does exactly what I want I got the spouse I wanted and the kids I wanted the job I want everything I want I asked for this is what my will was this is what I asked for and he gave me what I asked for so why does it continue he hears My Cries and he say saves me you know what the answer is because sometimes when he gives us what we ask for then we start crying and he has to save us from ourselves because sometimes what we want and what we ask for and what we mutcher him about and what we relentlessly bother him until he gives us was never really in our best interest it wasn't really what we need be careful what we wish for because you might get it and therefore of course we have to live life in pursuit of the things that we think are right for us I'm not telling you don't have a job don't date don't this don't that sit back and just let Hashem of course we have to take initiative that's life we have free will we have to take initiative but don't try too hard don't force the issue take our initiative be proactive do what we can and then let go and let Hashem do the rest because if we're not careful he'll do what we want and then we're going to end up crying out and he's gonna have to save us he's gonna have to save us from ourselves so the name of this every year every week we give a little Dr just on the name of the safer you're only really alive you could wake up every day and say what was me and where is God and why not and then you feel alone and abandoned you feel anxious and worried or you can wake up every day you want to feel alive you want to greet every day and feel happy and full and satisfied then you say I have what I need and I'm confident that I'll get what's meant from me and therefore I take my initiative I'm proactive but beyond that there's nothing I can do was at the re conference in New York this week which you'll read more about hasem in the weekly this week special guest post and um so yesterday she could tell the story sit right here but yesterday she was going back to the airport and left what what she thought was on time had looked at ways there was enough time to get to the airport was on excuse me was leaving on time and uh but something happened hit traffic stand still wasn't getting on the turnpike getting to Newark Airport and ways were showing they're getting so late she was going to miss her flight so who wouldn't panic in such a situation and we spoke and then we said to each other wait every Wednesday morning this is the example that we give every Wednesday morning when we talk about amuna we talk about and so we took a deep breath and we said here's the good news you're not missing anything if you missed a flight you take the next flight you sleep over come back like I got it covered of course behind the scenes I'm like God make her make this flight get it home I can't do this one more day so I said no problem so so it was a fir Uber driver who said doesn't your husband speak about these amuna CL by the way there's the Asus it's an amazing story you pressed Uber randomly yes random Uber Yehuda responds it was it was a by the way that's the best story and he was racing to get he felt so bad I'm doing my aist I'm calling Jeff blue to see if I get in the next flight I'm like right you know I know that I have to make an effort because this does not look like it's going very well and uh and he said to me he goes doesn't your husband lecture on am CL and and uh and so we were talking about yes we're going to uh you know we're going to do it and if it's not meant to be and I was calm and and I didn't even know that part things cleared up and we zoomed and I made it right in time to board it was a miracle right in time to board got on the plan but isn't that amazing you press Uber randomly as if anything in life is random and a this such a lesson you press it and Hashem sends you the right driver he is the driver I got to use that in Dr you didn't tell me that part of the story that's fantastic okay we're up to the top of page pay if you remember what we last left off with the four elements within a person water fire Earth and wind each of those elements if they're off if it's corrupt if it's dysfunction if we're unhealthy it expresses itself in a character trait which isn't working properly by the way I want you to know we would have as enthusiastically told that story if she missed the flight it's always easy to tell those stories when you made the flight but you have to see Hashem if you miss the flight if you make the flight it's very easy and then I made the flight in just in time in the gate and it was wonderful I got home and lived happily ever after but if you but if you miss the flight you have to be able to tell that story you have to be able to live with that amuna you have to be able to live with that amuna nonetheless so um so these four elements they express themselves in different bad qualities we don't address the bad habit or bad quality if you break a habit you just have two bad habits that was uh you remember what we said from the katari so we don't want to break habits we want to cure habits if you break a habit you just have two bad habits we want to cure the habits and that's what we've been going through so the last one was the idea of water and again there's a physical parallel human being is made up I don't remember what the percentage is a big part of who we are anatomically we're made up of water and if there's a dysfunction imbalance within the element of May within us then it comes out in jealousy and it comes out in lust right so we talked about the fact that I'm not missing anything how do you solve that how do you restore balance drink enough H2O and live enough H2O by living with amuna in other words if you don't have a moon in your life you always look at what yanim has you say what does my neighbor have they don't deserve it why do they have it instead of me I deserve it but if you say I have what I need and I have what's meant for me if you always look with a sense of amuna that what I have is what's right for me whether I see it understand it appreciate it whether I'm happy about it or not then I'm able to uh overcome that sense of envy that sense of jealousy and that sense of lust in my life and revola pointed out that when are we supposed to reinforce ourselves in this thought process because it's so fleeting in other words one minute you could say I'm good I have what I need I don't need anything else and a minute later the person pulls up in their car you say why do they have that new Tesla I deserve the Tesla it's not right so you know it's so easy to lose that thought that we have to renew it all the time and when do we renew it so told us every morning when we say the you give me everything I need what I have by definition is what I need I want more I'm going to work for more I'm going to strive for more I Aspire for more that's my job but after I've put in all my effort whatever you give I'm happy with my lot when a person is standing outside the circle there's the circle of your life and if you're looking outside the circle right there's the circle of my life my possessions my material things my that's my life if I'm looking out towards what others have then all I see is what they have that I'm lacking but if you look inside the circle and you focus and reflect only on what you have then you realize I have what I meant to have I don't concern myself what other people have is none of my business it's a great quote I hope forgot who said it whatever people think of me is none of my business I love that quote that's a great quote to live by what other people think of me is none of my business bu some people mold their whole lives by what other people think of them it's a great quote there's a parallel quote which is what is it 30s at a certain age your 20s to your 30s you know you're you're care so much you're worried so much about what people think of you and from your 30s to 40s you say who cares what they think of me and when you get to your 50s you realize nobody's thinking about you so what what other people think about you is none of your business and nobody's really thinking about you so what other people have is none of my business my business is what I have what I need what I want my business is working and focusing on myself what other people have it's not of my business especially if I realize he gave me everything I need SAR here doesn't just mean material things he means I might say I wish I was as smart as the other person I wish I was athletic or artistic I wish I had as full a head of hair as the other person I wish I have whatever it is we look at the other person and we say you know if I only had that I would be positioned to do great things what I could achieve what I could impact the world the influence I could have if only I have what they have says R that's a violation of this you know I have a mission and I have a job and I better believe that I'm equipped with the tools and the capacity for be able to fulfill the mission for which God put me here on Earth so that's a whole other Su how do I know what my mission is how do I Define it how do I pursue it how do I understand what it is that's that's exactly the paros that we're reading right now tells a go he doesn't give him the coordinates he doesn't tell him the destination where is he meant to go says the where go figure out who you are who you're meant to be go figure out your mission go figure out your purpose we make the mistake of waking up and thinking we all have the same purpose and what is it to look as pretty and to have as many things and to we all generically and you know each subset or each subgroup who thinks that no they're different they don't conform they have their own individual they're all conforming to their own look of what they think right each subset so the whole mission in life is not to be a conformist it's not to say that I'm going to Define my mission by what my neighbor has or does but who am I and what am I meant to be and what am I meant to achieve given my my intellect my socioeconomic status my background my DNA my predispositions given my opportunities and given my liabilities and challenges who am I and what am I meant to do and for some people my mission in life is to get to the end of the day and not indulge on the addiction that I have for some people it's to focus exclusively on a family and to raise healthy children with love affection and attention that's the entire Mission at the end of the day and others the mission is to cure camper or make world peace or everyone has their own mission and if I Define Myself by your mission says that has a name you know what that's called aod we usually think of aod Zar as idolatry to a foreign God he redefines it aod if I think that my aod that my mission in life is I'm defining it by yours it's an avod which is Zar which is strange it's foreign to me it's not what I meant to be doing can you imagine I think I've given this example before you walk into the gym and you look at somebody else who's got bulging muscles and they're bench pressing 4,000 lb so you say you say to the person from the gym set the weights to 4,000 lb from me because the other person's benching 4,000 you should bench 4,000 lb do you know the other person's DNA he's the son of a bodybuilder the son of a bodybuilder the son of a bodybuilder the son of a bodybuilder do you know that he's been working out from In Utero in the womb he was already he was bench pressing the placenta in the womb do you know that and you decided to start working out at 57 years old and you coming to the gym and you see he's doing 2,000 lb set the weights to 2,000 lb forget you'll end up with a crushed uh skull you'll end up in the emergency room but how many of us do that in life if not in the workout room if not physically with weights we do it in life I want to D in like that I want to learn like that I want to be calm like that I want to have volunteer time like that I want to give like that I want to we see what someone else hasard does and it's an AAR we say I want that to be me but do you come from the same background have you put in the same time are you an amateur there professional what's the background so if you do an avoda which is foreign to you if you think your life mission is something which is not what it's meant to be if if you've gone but not you've not gone to a journey of self-discovery you've gone to discover others and to want to be cheap and poor imitations of them then you're an impostor it's an aod which is z it's fake it's foreign our mission is figure out who you are what you're meant to do who you're meant to be we don't do that today in this world life is moving way too fast there's way too much noise and interference that we don't have the space or the margin to stop and to think and to say given who I am what's my background what are my predispositions what stage of life and by the way you have to readdress this if not annually quarterly monthly weekly daily it's a question which you never stop asking because life doesn't stop changing who you are and what your mission was is going to be very different when you're a teenager when you're an adult it's going to be different when you're working when you're retired it's going to be different when you're single and if you want and you're married it's going to be different if if you don't have children and if you have children at every stage of Life the answer to that question is going to change so we have to keep asking it we have to stay on that journey of what am I meant to do who am I meant to be who I meant to be is not just get through the end of the day having had the most pleasure and accumulated the most things you know what that leads to it's counterintuitive you'd think that if I determin that that's what I meant to do and who I meant to be then I'm going to be the happiest I spent the whole day being a pleasure seeker and I spent the whole day indulging in myself and I spent the whole day getting the most things things I should be the happiest right well if you look at life and you see all the research you'll find that the people who Define their day by those things are the least happy and the people who live Mission driven Lives who wake up every day with what difference they could make not how I could be a taker how can I be a giver those people not what are my rights and entitlements but what my duties and responsibilities those are the happiest people in life the ones with the most meaning and purpose so every day we got to wake up and say who am I meant to be today who am I meant to be today not every day is the same who I meant to be today is to sit home and relax and catch up and sleep and pay the bills that's what I meant to be today is to take a day off CU otherwise I'm going to burn out but what I meant to be tomorrow is to get out of that house bright and early to jump out of bed and to make a difference in this world to show up at my volunteer or the committee or the board or the person who needs me or to check in on the person who's all alone that's my job today every day it changes but it can't be in a why am I saying all this says because that's the whatever my job or mission is I have the tools to do it I've been imp to be able to do it gave me the wherewithal for whatever my mission is whatever my mission is and that's the cavana that's the cavana when you go home take a highlighter take out your sitter hope you have a sitter take out your sitter take out a highlighter take out a pen and underline and that's our that's our homework that for the next whatever period of time that that's our kavana I'm not absolving you from the rest of but I'm saying let's all jump out of our skin say that's right I forgot stop looking at what anyone else has stop comparing or competing with how anyone else is living their life all I need to be focused on is who am I and what am I meant to be doing and who am I meant to be and what difference am I meant to make and then feel satisfied and gratified and grateful you gave me everything I need in order to be able to do it all the character traits all the skills there's no mum so says Raa this this last sentence is the most if you had your highlighter here I would tell you highlight this line this is the most important line in this paragraph there's no room for Envy or jealousy in a life of Amun a person who wakes up every day and the almighty is their best friend remember we spoke last week the bov his example of do you hear the music if you watch people dancing and gyrating but you don't hear the music they look like fools but if you hear the music you just want to jump on the dance floor so if you're living a life where you hear the music and you're dancing with others then there no competition there's no Envy there's no dance off going on but if you don't hear the music and there's no then you look around at what everyone house else has and what everyone else does so if you want to conquer jealousy and envy says R quoting V again the answer is not to focus on Envy we could sit here all day and dissect and study and analyze and read studies and St and and anecdotes and and research about Envy how do you break Envy but the answer to Breaking Envy is not to focus on Envy the answer to break Envy is to focus on amuna the more you feel and see and welcome hasem into your life the less you're going to struggle with looking at or focusing what other people have is none of your business what they think of you is also none of your business let's go let's go a little bit more so the next character trait Envy jealousy and arrogance Are Spiritual character traits but the desire the appetite for food if you're a foodie and the similar physical appetites desires and lusts they come from the fact that we are material physical beings and therefore it's very difficult to break them in other words a spiritual defect if I emphasize and work on and promote and express spirituality so spiritual can I get spiritual if I work on amuna I can break a spiritual defect like Envy or arrogance but I like food I really like potato chips the later at night the more delicious they are so that you know I have all the amuna and Hashem but he's not in the cabinet with me and even Hashem loves Cape Cod reduced fat kettle cooked delicious crunchy potato chips even a k who likes them late at night so if I focus on amuna I'm not necessarily going to be able to conquer my tiva my my appetite right for for potato chips it's difficult it's difficult to be able to break them where do you put them if you look at the footnote five where would you put money if there are spiritual defects like arrogance and envy and there's physical defects like overeating and so on where would you place money the TAA for money the desire for more money is that a physical defect or a spiritual defect so he says in the footnote it's not a physical defect that that's also a spiritual defect which is very interesting to unpack that by the way probably not the same for everyone so meaning if you don't know where your next meal is coming from or how you're paying the rent the fact that you're thinking all the time about money is probably not a spiritual defect I mean it could be also that if you have a Muna then you'll know that you'll have your next meal that you'll have a roof over your head but I can understand much more that if a person really if a person really struggled or or faced being homeless or being hungry then money is not a physical defect but a spiritual one but he's talking about what if somebody knows that I can pay the bills I I won't be homeless I don't necessarily have the biggest house I won't have the nicest car I want have the fanciest jewelry I don't have the most robust bank account but I know I could pay the bills and still all you think about is money and all you want is more that's not a physical defect that's a spiritual defect it's a spir spiritual virus and that twoo can be broken through amuna the more you realize there is a Hashem he provides I can let go and let God he gives me what I need I'll have what I need the less you'll struggle with it so back upstairs second sentence so he says you know there's another challenge with breaking these qualities another challenge which compounds it which is that some of these challenges some of these qualities we need some of the qualities that we're trying to break we said we don't want to do that's the kutser but some of these qualities that we're trying to fix repair we don't want to eliminate them entirely because they can be harnessed and channeled for good and for the service of hem what let's say you break the to eat all together we recently had a guest who I cannot relate to whatsoever we might as well be from two planets in the universe who said because we were talking about one of our children who hates eating doesn't eat you have to beg them to eat it's like an enormous battle to get them to eat I don't relate to that either but this guest said said Yes she hates eating she sometimes forgets to eat and then she can get sick or M nourished she because eating is just like it's a necessary evil you're just a waste of time the things I want to be doing and if I to stop and interrupt and do that thing called eating it's a total waste of time she sometimes forgets to eat to the point that you know I'm sure her blood sugar drops and you can get sick and you have to eat so she has to set reminders or put a system in place together to remember to eat anyone here relate to that okay not me you know I have to set timers and put systems in place to say stop eating stop eating remember you don't have have to keep eating it's okay you're full so I'm not I'm not minimizing there are I'm not suggesting that that's an eating disorder there are eating disorders and God forbid we shouldn't make fun of them or minimize them but the point here is that let's say a person works on themselves and I think hopefully we are working on our in this area we say you know what I'm done I'm not eating after 9:00 p.m. anymore potato chips at 8:59 from now on I'm not eating after 9:00 p.m. anymore right I'm only eating healthy things I'm cutting out carbs and sugars whatever we say to ourselves I'm working on that if I if I am too overzealous and I overachieve then I can go in the opposite direction I forget to eat and if I don't eat and I'm not healthy then how do I serve Hashem how am I there for my family how am I there for the community how am I there for myself so his point is that when it comes to these physical challenges if we're too successful we can create a new problem just in the opposite direction if if you just crush the appetite Al together you're not going to eat mat on P you're not going to dip the Apple in the honey you're not going to eat K drink Kish for for shabas on the other hand you know the mat is a great example p is a great example and it's still far enough away that nobody here safe to bring up up still so mat do you know the the is the is that if you're already full when you eat the matah so when you eat the matah you're overeating you're not y the Mitzvah mat the matah has to be eaten it has to be eaten with an appetite if you're so full and you're so stuffed you know the way you are when you say I can't eat anymore I'll never eat again I feel disgusting I need a wheelbarrow or a crane to remove me from the table and then dessert is served in say ooh I'll have three you know that eating where you're like you're now out of breath from eating the lifting of the fork to your mouth actually makes you out of breath because your stomach is so full it's pressing on your diaphragm and you're literally out of breath from being that full nobody here knows what I'm talking about okay so if you were to eat matah at that point you would not fulfill the mitzah of eating mat you're not y that's what's called inasa you may not even violate yum Kipper if you eat at that point because that's not called eating that's not the definition of eating so that's not eating says so on the one hand you can't forget to eat the matah let's say you say I don't have appetites anymore I don't eat eating is a waste of time you got to eat you got to eat the mat to fulfill the Mitzvah so if you eat too much you're too full you can't fulfill the Mitzvah if you don't eat you didn't fulfill the Mitzvah like the three uh Bears you got to eat just the right amount you have to have just the right amount of appetite so is not going to help you here saysa in this great book about Amun Amun is not the only answer here so amuna can absolutely solve and repair and strengthen and Empower you to overcome the spiritual defects and faults arrogance Envy ego even anger Anda will help overcome all but potato chips Amun is not going to work but there is a way that amuna can be your friend that living with greater faith and knowledge and presence and mindfulness of hem in your life will help and you know how they help you in a circuitous way so powerful you know what the answer is if you're living with amuna you're living a more spiritual life and if you're living a more spiritual life the less immersed and drawn you'll be to the physical pleasures of the world so it is a powerful formula so the truth is when I think about anger or I'm tempted towards Envy I just have to refocus amuna when I'm worried about anxiety I'm in the Uber the from Uber and I'm on my way to the airport and I think I'm going to miss the flight and my heart rate's going up and my pulse is going up and I'm absolutely bugging out then I have to tap into the amuna muscles in me and say deep breath it's all for a reason to plan it's going to work out whether it has the ending of making the flight or missing it it was all for a reason their amuna is going to be your best friend your best friend but when it comes to your diet and lifestyle and fitness Amun is not the answer directly but indirectly it is and why indirectly is it because the more of a spiritual person you are the less drawn you are to the physical and the more you're drawn to the physical the more you're going to struggle to be spiritual there's a certain ratio that we have in our lives we have let's call it 100 units of capacity and if 80 of those units are filled with my pursuit of the physical then I only have 20 units spared 20 units of energy 20 units of attention 20 units of focus to be spiritual if I'm 90% spiritual 10 units of physical that's why our holiest people they they lived Lala they were just they transcended this world they ate in order to live they didn't live to eat they slept in order to serve they didn't live in order to sleep you know I was just learning this morning in a different safer that when it comes to sleep sleep is a lot like food but we don't think about it in that way just like when it comes to food if I eat too little I'll be malnourished if I eat too much it's unhealthy the challenge in life is to figure out what's that right amount to eat and that's why there's a whole industry of nutritionists what are what's the caloric intake I need to have what should the balance be of of carb to and so on protein I've got to figure figure out what's the right amount too little I'll get sick too much I'll get sick what's the right amount well sleep is the right way the safer says we don't think of it this way because we like to think that you can never sleep too much but there's a point at which if you're still sleeping you've overeaten you can overeat and you can over sleep and you have to figure out what's the amount that you need they don't teach you that in school did anyone ever bring up in school an exercise and to figure out how's the what's the right amount you need the safer it's not a book it's the safer actually gives you suggestion it says spend a week sleeping 8 n hours a night and then every week subtract half an hour and take notes on how you feel and figure out what's that amount that I need where I'm not groggy or angry or deflated or struggling what's the amount that I'm energized but I don't need more sometimes you can over sleep and then you that makes you too tired so the point is when it comes to all these physical experiences physical existence physical life there can be too little there could be too much our Challenge and mission is to find the right amount and how do we do that one of the things that's very helpful in order to be able to do that is the more spiritual we are the less drawn and tempted we will be to that physical universe and to that physical world yes I just have a practical tip that he's helped me with um I grew up in a home where my grandparents were Holocaust Survivors and my parents learned from that and they were very like my grandparents used to collect every crumb they would never waste food and I grew up with a lot of balash list in my mind you know like I can't waste I can't waste and I always try to finish everything on my plate cuz I don't want to leave over and he once taught me which is really smart and it's helped me a lot is that it's the same B tashas like I think I'm being all like oh I don't want to waste hashem's food he's saying it's the same bashus in your mouth and stomach as it is leaving it over on the plate meaning if you're already full and you're just eating it because you don't want to waste hashem's food by putting it in your mouth when you've already been full and you don't really want to eat it but just feel bad leaving it over it's a same wasting hashem's food in your body than it was leaving it over on the plate so whatever I just want to add that because I think that's been very helpful about not overindulging you think you're being so holy but that's not something or put differently your mouth is also a garbage disposal you don't like to think of it in that way but if your stomach is full then your mouth is no different than the garbage disposal in the sink it's just as much about tashas you're just as much wasting it so if you want to leave it over because you want to find some needy person who's who's under privileged and you're going to share with them if you're leaving it over because you're going to save it and have it another meal then you're avoiding Bashas but when you eat it to avoid Bashas when you're full then you're also putting it in the garbage you're also putting it in the garbage disposal so you got to find that right amount that's a perfect example of of the way our Yahara works really you just want to finish what's on your plate but you've convinced yourself that I'm doing a noble spiritual righteous thing I'm a holy person because I don't waste and therefore I'm stuffing my face in holiness but really it's um it's just as much a waste so let's just finish this for today so he said actually know we'll pick up with this next time but again the idea that amuna won't necessarily help diet or lifestyle but it helps indirectly because the more we're living with amuna the more spiritual people that we are the less drawn we are to the physical world and we in that ratio in that proportion we're going to shift the balance to be more spiritual and Thea when we're more spiritual we're going to different lead different quality lives have a wonderful week oh