Part 107: Stop Feeling Entitled to Understand Everything

okay good morning we continue our study of amuna and I want to dedicate our learning this morning our dear and beloved friend Brian galet bar should shower love kindness and compassion on him and on his family he remains at the center of our thoughts ouros and uh our hopes our wishes for him and for his family okay we've been discussing this paric in and He was discussing the launching for this entire section was the mishna in the fourth peric ofos the mishna that says there are three things that remove a person from this world K and and we spent the last couple of weeks unpacking what that means that when a person lives with a sense of arrogance of ego when a person lives with a sense of serving themselves a selfish egocentric life where they're envious of what other people have they think they deserve it or they pursue honor they want all the attention in the room or they have lust and desires and an appetite which is insatiable and they're not happy and satisfied until it's taken care of they think this world is all about them it's it removes a person from the world and we've spent time exploring what does that mean the world the ram said it means it removes you from the world of amuna it undermines the balanced equilibrium of our lives and it destroys the capacity to have relationships if there's no room for anyone else then you can't have a relationship the whole premise of a relationship is I thou Martin Boer philosophy I still remember something from college but the whole premise of a relationship is the capacity for I thou for me and you that there's two people in the relationship if you can never speak if you're never entitled to an opinion if you never get things to go your way and it always has to revolve around me I'm not in a relationship with anyone other than with myself so the person who self-center egocentric the person whose life is defined and characterized by the pursuit of kavod their life is consumed by Envy and jealousy and by the pursuit of honor and by the need to satisfy their urges such an egocentric life is one devoid of meaningful relationships most of all devoid of the most significant meaningful relationship we could have with the source of all with our Father in heaven with the Rono Shalom the almighty and soba has unpacked exactly what that means why these three things are a problem and essentially what comes out is that the way to improve our amuna the way to grow in amuna is to work on humility not to sit and discuss philosophy not to pursue and analyze all the evidence of God's existence but rather you don't need the Bible codes and you don't need the proofs and the evidence what you need to work on is humility and if we walk through life we go through our lives not thinking less of ourselves but thinking of ourselves less often if we go through lives with a sense of of life with a sense of humility and we make room for Theon Shalom we'll see him everywhere we'll see him everywhere you if I'm if I'm sitting with you I forgot which context in which here I said this so I apologize if it was in this one but you know if I'm sitting with you you're in front of me and someone Whispers in my ear you know they're not really there they're a figment of your imagination they're a hologram they are you've taken a hallucinogen they're not really there I said what are you talking about I'm looking at them they're right in front of me no one can convince me of otherwise so if we see the Reon right in front of us nobody can convince us otherwise nobody's going to convince me ah God's a figment of your imagination he's the Opium of the masses he's a hologram if I live my life with a sense of Tsum where I've lived with I hold myself back with humility I make room for him fores and then I see him I see him in every sunrise and every sunset I see him in everything that works out I see him in every breath I take in every heartbeat in my chest I see him with every miracle that is before my eyes I see AES with every seeming coincidence and chance I see hasem all around me nobody can convince me otherwise so last time we shared the Mah about the connection between freedom and Faith only Faith sets you free you need freedom to have faith and only Faith provides a sense of Freedom that we have if we're simply the composite of what the world around us tries to mold and shape us to be then we don't have real Freedom real Freedom comes from faith in seeing Hashem the in on this week's par the end of this week's para bah says the end of the par deals with the history of slaves and the Torah says we're only slaves to hasem we're not slaves to man we're slaves to Hashem so what good was that we exchanged one slavery for another we got out of Egypt and we got rid of one Taskmaster and we just exchanged him for another K tells us how to tie our shoelaces and how to wake up how to eat how to what to do to look at what to listen to where to go how to think and then how to go to sleep from the way moment we wake up in the morning to the moment we go to sleep K the almighty is regulating and legislating our day where's the freedom in that what Freedom did we really gain when we left MIT and the answer is that believing in Hashem is the only way to attain true Freedom the r has a very beautiful description he says fear in Hashem awe of Hashem is Will relieve and release all fears in the world so you can walk through life with fear and anxiety about what will be with your health what will be with your finances what will be in this crazy upside down world what will be for Israel and its Rockets you could live through life with fear of public speaking and fear of going out in public and fear of heights and fear of flying and fear and phobias of this that and the other thing or you can submit to the Reon Shalom realize there is a God there's an omnipotent master plan and if I live with a sense of his presence it releases me of every other fear I have nothing to fear it's not FDR was wrong it's not I have nothing to fear but fear itself I have nothing to fear but Hashem himself and if I fear Hashem himself then I have nothing else to fear because whatever will be was meant to be whatever will be is by Design so if we Embrace as our Master if we see ourselves our mission our purpose in this world as serving him then we have nothing to fear there's no anxiety there's no worry there's nothing that can stop us because who is all good he is our Father in heaven and he is a master plan for us all so I I want to we'll finish this piece by R but I want to just add a caveat that I think is very much on all of our minds I know it's on my mind on what it means when the ram says that these three things remove a person from the K aod Envy jealousy lust remove us from the world of amuna and I think a corollary of this is one of the ways that we are egocentric in our lives one of the ways that we are self-centered and arrogant is when we think we're entitled to understand everything when we go through life with the arrogance that we deserve an explanation that we deserve to understand that the world has to conform to the way we want it to be and when people around us suffer when people that we love struggle then our arrogance tells us I don't know if there's a God or I don't know if there's truth or I don't know why he would do this and I refuse to accept Aruna is shaken Aruna Aruna is fragile but that's because we're at the center of our Circle when we worship ourselves when we inflate our ego when we live with arrogance we think we're entitled and who said we're entitled to understand anything it's you want to live in this world it's not your world you want to live in this world you're not entitled to anything you want to live in this world we are finite fragile limited and the almighty Theon is infinite omnipotent he is perfect in all knowing gives the famous mush of when you look at the tapestry from the front you see the beautiful image if you look from the back you see these loose threads All Tied none of it makes sense and none of it looks right we live in this world looking at the back of the tapestry we see all those loose threads and we wonder what is this mess what is this big ugly fat mess threads everywhere none of it looks like it makes any sense knots some hanging longer than others what is this picture it's ugly it's horrific it makes no sense and only in the afterlife do we get to turn it around around and see the beautiful picture that it was that was composed that was put together none other than there's nothing wrong with wanting to understand Moshe himself wants to understand challenges the and he says Hashem show me your face show me your face I want to understand and Hashem says you could see the back of my head you can't see the front of my face and the commentaries understand what is Hashem answering you could see the back of my head means you could understand things after the fact if you're lucky and if you're fortunate and sometimes in this world world and often not until the next will you be able to retrospectively interpret why things happened the way they did but don't be so arrogant and entitled to think that you can live life facing forward that as things unfold you will always understand them and they will always make sense because they won't we are children and is our father and our children don't always understand why we do what we do and very often it feels to them like it makes no sense and like it's punitive and harsh and we are cruel when we slap their hand when they put their finger in the outlet or we patch them if they run in the street or if they get a little older we tell them they can't go out on a Saturday night where everyone else is going or they can't participate or they can't wear that or they can't try that or they can't go there they cry and they scream and they yell you hate me and I hate you what kind of parent are you and I never want to talk to you again until they get a little older and they see the back of our head and now they look back and say I can't believe you ever let me go what's the matter with you that you registered or let me go or let me participate what were you thinking and now they become parents and they second guess what you did instead of yelling at you that you didn't let them do they yell at you that you let them do too much cuz now they see the back of your head instead of the front of your face and we have to understand with a sense of profound humility and at the same time profound pain because there's nothing pleasure about looking at the back of a tapestry there's nothing enjoyable it's painful when it doesn't make sense and it doesn't come together and it looks ugly it's painful and that's okay doesn't expect it to be pleasurable but he asks us to have the faith and confidence in him that as our loving father there's another side to that tapestry where there is a magnificent beautiful picture that comes together even if we can't see it right now even if we can't see it right now painful things happen to good people bad things don't happen nothing KES does by definition is bad all that a does is good and even when it feels extraordinarily painful devastatingly painful catastrophically painful unbearably painful it's not bad it's painful and that's the confidence asks us to have in him is that he only does things for the good and When we struggle to accept that it's because our ego our arrogance our sense of entitlement not only our entitlements the m in the physical world I deserve to walk and I deserve to breathe and I deserve to feel good and I who says you deserve anything I deserve a house and a car and food and I deserve everything I want who says we're entitled to anything so we struggle with entitlement in the physical way and we struggle with entitlement in the spiritual way we are not spiritually entitled to understand or comprehend those were not the rules with which deposited Us in this world he was gracious and benevolent and kind enough to create us and let us live in his world and if we are consumed by our own ego in arrogance and need to understand it's we have removed ourselves from his world we can't have a relationship with him a relationship with him is predicated on the prerequisite that we submit to him that we won't understand that there is a bigger picture that he sees the other side of the tapestry and all we see are the loose hanging threads that's what we get to see that's what we have that doesn't ease the pain at all it doesn't make it easier to go through but that's our responsibility is to recognize and to me I find it extraordinarily comforting what's the alternative what's the alternative that we live in a world of Randomness and chance and statistics that X number of people will die for this reason next number of people for that reason next number of people will get this illness X number of people will be hit by a car X number of people will that's better that it's just random and chance and statistics and data that's more comforting there's nothing more more comforting to know that we have a father who sees further who knows more who has a master plan that there is another side to the tapestry and one day we'll see it and as painful unbearably painful as things are now we have to submit our ego and practice humility and make room for Theon shom to do what he does and you know what he does everything he does is good it can be painful but it's good when we undergo an operation it's painful but it's therapeutic it's healing it's good there are things that are both painful and good even when it's hard to see it that way and I think that's very much part of where a is getting at in this in this essay is that our responsibility is to plow forward not to get stuck with amuna with a mission with a task we always say I've said it so many times Sal's insight about not asking Lama but Lama when we see people suffering when we are struggling to not get caught and stuck on Lama why why do these things happen but LMA what do I do now how can I improve how can I be better how would the person who I care so much about who's suffering be reacting right now if he were on the other side what would he be doing to better himself and better this world and he wouldn't be getting stuck and that's what tonight and tomorrow are all about tonight and tomorrow we're going to celebrate LBA om and the famous question that's asked and too many don't pause to ask it but when you hear it you will realize what an obvious question it is and be bothered by it if you wake a child in the middle of the night and you say why do we observe LBA om big bonfire and music and barbecue and party and happiness and joy and haircuts and resuming Simas in our life what are we celebrating wake a kid in the middle of the night they say we're celebrating the fact that Raba students stop dying LBA om which is the most absurd thing in the world if you ever just stop and think about it for a moment right that's one of those things we were taught as little children so just accept it and move on with it but if we'd ever stop to think about it we'd realize that is absurd you think when they liberated aitz or Bergen bson or daa you think the day the people stopped dying they made a bonfire and fireworks and a barbecue and established it as a celebratory day on the calendar there's nothing celebratory about it it's a tragic tragic day and moreover do you know why R AA students sto dying because they were all dead there was no one left to die it wasn't that chose the plague was over there was no one left to die and for that we make fireworks woohoo big party crank up the music Let's Dance they stop dying doesn't make any sense it doesn't make any sense so there are several commentaries who all offer this same explanation that I find incredibly powerful and inspirational incredibly powerful and inspirational and they say the following we don't observe LBA because people stop dying you know why we observe LBA Omar because raka came back from 24,000 funerals and Rika came back from delivering 24,000 eulogies and he paid 24,000 Shiva calls can only imagine Raba by the way is the eternal optimist if you study Raba throughout cha and about his whole life he is the eternal optimist even after 24,000 funerals eulogies and Shiva calls and you know what he did I'll tell you what I would have done I'd hang him up I'd retire I'd find the Century Village in the Golan I'd play shuffle board I'd find a nice palm tree I would open my gamorra I'd say clearly I'm not cut out for teaching because I didn't get the message of who says this is the driving Central principal in Torah and I'd say I'm done I'm done I'm not cut out for this Jewish people aren't worthy of this this was a disaster I'm broken I'm empty I am have gone through unbearable pain I'm done is that Whata does you know what he does in L Bomer he came back from the last funeral where he had delivered the last eulogy and he paid the last Shiva call and the very next thing he did was he found five new students and he started all over again from the beginning According to some it was seven according to most it was five he found five new students he identified five new students who could be the leaders who could continue the transmission of our Tor sh and he started all over again you know what the holiday of LBA is about and why we're celebrating we're not celebrating the end of a plague or the end of dying we're celebrating New Beginnings we're celebrating the capacity to go through tragedy and find the strength and the courage and the will to go on LBA is the holiday of continuing the mission of pursuing with purpose like B is following in R's footsteps that we don't give up and no matter how difficult it is to accept or comprehend or how painful it is to experience we continue to go forward we know what we have to do it's the holiday of not after 24,000 funerals saying Lama but saying Lama rabba said what's next and by the way if he hadn't we would not have Torah the way we do those five students became the leaders of the Next Generation the transmitters of Torah and without them it would be lost our oral tradition our Tor would be lost describes he's a magnificent essay where he shows that can you remember can you quote any of the 24,000 students go through sh and we don't have one memor we don't have one saying we don't have one conclusion of any of those students zero nothing erased gone but these five new students we have their teachings and so many of their teachings emphasize and focus on how we treat one another they learned that lesson and they understood toor is not an academic or intellectual exercise it's not a rule of law Torah is about relationships it's about character it's about MOS it's about a moral compass and so many of those five students throughout Chas their teachings are all about interpersonal relationships and valuing one another and how we treat one another so tonight and tomorrow we're going to celebrate not just being able to trim our beards but we're going to celebrate the fact that we don't get stuck whatever we're going through rubika went through 24,000 times and he didn't get stuck he kept his eye on the ball of what was our mission and purpose and he did what he had to do and he started again and we're only here and we have what we have because of it and that is a source of inspiration for us all okay we're on the bottom of page n b back to so the next in here in this says the day of the week where we plug in and re-energize and recharge is the this day is very special a person who lives and who merits to experience shabas the way it was intended and designed to be for 24 hours a week you trans ort yourself to another world you see there two ways to experience shabas shabas is coming I got to cook I can't use the internet I can't watch I don't know what's going on in the world I countd down to havdalah I can't wait for it to be over or I count down for shabas I count down for Kish I count down for candle lighting I can't wait to escape and to transcend I can't wait to transport to another world 24 hours I'm not riddled by suffering and tragedy I'm not I'm not held back by my to-do list and my responsibilities and my work obligations and my troubles and my problems and my bills and my doctor's appointments for 24 hours all that goes up on a shelf and for 24 hours I'm royalty and I sit at my Royal table and I sing my songs and I enjoy my company and I eat my Delicacies and for 24 hours it's shabas is shabas is the taste of the world to come the world to come is a place there are no worries and there are no challenges and there is no doubt all there is is ecstasy and Bliss and we have the ability to achieve that and to draw that down to this world but we have to take the initiative and we have to make the effort how do we dress for shabas and how do we speak on chabas and do we have an agenda and itinerary at our chabas table and what does our chabas table look like and what is the attitude that we bring toward shabas and when we are royal and Regal and when we Elevate ourselves in our conversations we transport ourselves and our family shabas is such a welcome reprieve it's a place of refuge and protection I promise you when you finish havdala it will all be there waiting for you the bills and the doctor's appointments and the to-do lists and the medicine cabinet and all the challenges in life I promise you after havdalah it's waiting for you Kish toah that's those 24 25 hours that's ours to enter a world Amun it's us and Hashem we sing songs and we feel hashem's love and hm's presence and we taste the world where we are whole and complete the all week long is made up of 19 bras three in the beginning of Praise three at the end of gratitude 13 in the middle bakha we ask Hashem for things 19 18 we added the 19th but the 13 the main middle section is all about Hashem give me knowledge give me Health give me parasa give me Justice give me Redemption Shu give me I have my own personal laundry list of things give me give me give me I need I need I need I want I want I want that's the whole week long shabas comes how long is the am how many bras on shabas seven three in the beginning three at the end and there's just one middle God you sanctify shabas the number seven reflects wholeness completion like the days of the week or the days of creation cuz shabas I'm whole I'm complete I don't have needs but Bashas Saturday night Mar I'll get back to my Bashas I have a lot to ask for for the week ahead but shabas all I have to say is mades shabas shabas all there is is the sanctity of chabas The Escape of chabas the serenity the Tranquility of shabas The Refuge of shabas shabas we're not allowed to create we are at rest and at peace with nature on this day we have complete amuna and therefore we release ourselves entirely to the world of creation because who's in charge he is the Creator and he remains in charge of creation so six days a week we work we spoke about this in the par class this week follows the same model six years plant your field six years your Vineyard six years Harvest your produce and then shab shabas then you have shita 6 days conquer the world innovate make progress control manipulate nature understand work create six days you're in charge and the seventh let it all go you're in charge of nothing seventh day shabas is a day of amuna six days a week I turn on my lights on and off and I use the computer and I use my voice control and I drive my car six days a week I control everything and the seventh day I relinquish control I am in control of nothing I don't even turn on a light switch That's how little control I have all I do is relinquish control to Hashem so the seventh day is occupied davening and learning and singing and fun and time with my family and Recreation and schuff making up sleep from the entire week I saw a great study that showed that you can make up for a lack of sleep a whole week on the weekends that's you need sleep till you need the right amount of sleep but even when you're sleep deprived we previously had thought that if you're sleep deprived you need to spread out your sleep to get the right amount of sleep every night study said it's not true if you're sleep deprived you can make up for itas that's what shabas is uh shabas is all about shabas is all about not just sleeping but it's all about so six days a week I control I manipulate I'm in charge the seventh day I let go I'm in charge of nothing I relinquish it is the day of each of the 39 categories of Creator labor it limits us it reduces us it consolidates us into that activity for example when it comes to writing all you are right now is the piece of paper and the ink and whatever it is that you want to compose the shabas also we don't reduce ourselves and consolidate ourselves to just be something physical we're doing the opposite we are releasing ourselves we're broadening ourselves we have no limits we're Limitless we're climbing to a higher place right now if I'm writing something all I am is the paper and the pen and what I want to be writing there's nothing else about me that's all I am in that moment shabas we don't occupy ourselves with the 39 categories of creative labor where that's all I am I fly I release I soar to a higher higher place and a person who Soares can live with amuna at a higher caliber six things a week you're in charge so much to do and I have so much responsibility and so much I can solve and create and do the seventh day I rest I let it all go the only thing I have to do is renew my sense of the one who's really in charge of Theon and that's up to us the attitude the sights the flavors The Sounds the smells that we bring to shabas it's up to us it's up to us and I'll say to you ladies it is particularly up to you I don't know if it's uh politically correct in today's day and age but of Sal also in the in the HP he gave for the tbit and he distinguished between Torah what he called the the Torah of the father versus the Torah of the mother what is the Tora he says my father taught me the rules I went through the the and the rules and the analysis and the bris but well who gave me shabas my mother the love the passion the feeling the sights the smells the flavors said the r who made me believe that the shabas queen was in our house that was my mother and he writes without my mother I would be a dry soulless being a dry being with no soul I'd have a great intellect but I would have no soul that's up to you it's up to us our children our grandchildren if we are to feel the beauty the sanctity the greatness of chabas the excitement that we're going to put all our faka technology away and we're going to put our need to control away and we're going to put our ego and arrogance and demand and entitlement to understand we're putting that all away it'll be waiting at hullah but for 24 hours we're going to be immersed in one another and immersed in in in the one who's really in control and we're just going to sit at that shabas table and sing and talk and share with a sense of gratitude to hasem and promoting our deep let's conclude says the person who believes is the one who's really free you live with your clear nobody can change your mind not the radio not the newspapers and not popular opinion you're not a politician politicians they do a poll poll says believe like this I believe like this the poll says that okay I believe like that whatever the poll tells me is more popular to believe is what I'll believe I got to go to this side I got to go to the middle I got to go to the left we're not living lives of popularity contests we're not polling to see what will make us most favorable we're living lives of Truth and we are staying true to not what it says on the radio or the newspapers and not what popular opinion we are living in a world where there is Relentless Relentless messages that are broadcast at us all the time news fake news counterfeit news True News distorted news it's all around us you can't be alive without it being in our face and we don't even realize the impact it's having on us the subliminal messages the subconscious influence of marketing of the media of pop culture of the world and you know what it's saying ah you're part of antiquity you're Antiquated you and your Traditional Values you're moral compass ah you're outdated update your car and update your cell phone and and update your software and update your convictions and we turn and we say no no no you know sometimes new is not better a nicer car is better an upgraded software upgraded cell phone is better but ask Coke what happened when they came out with new Coke anyone remember sometimes new is not better and when it comes to our convictions and our values new is not better they are trying to enslave us it is trying to make us subservient to whatever the world and pop culture and modern ethos tell us are true but we have to fight it we have to be willing to swim swim upstream we have to be like we talked about last week we have to be the progy of a ainu who was May he was he was not afraid to be the whole world was on this side and he was on the other side the whole world says these are these are proper moral values in the world of intimacy or the world of orientation or identity we have our own values this is the proper values in the world of time or relationships or food or space we have our own values this is the proper value and modesty and D we have our own values this is the proper value in the world of finance and economy we have our time tested and Timeless and true Torah values and to be free to be free from their shackles and subservience we have to stay true with amuna to who we are and what we believe sh there's two choices we are either consumed by Envy and by lust and by Honor in other words we're either living arrogant lives where we think we're in charge a sense of physical and spiritual entitlement or we're living with amuna we are mat ourselves we hold back and we have humility and we realize I'm a blip in the scream I'm vulnerable I'm fragile I'm finite I am gourn I am nothing the world of amuna it's Limitless if we can reduce ourselves and live with humility and make room for hem it's Limitless our mission our job is to elevate ourselves and live with it's hard to be on that plane it's hard to live on that level all the time in the morning boom we get a charge of amuna I went to the amuna she I subscribed to 17 amuna emails and WhatsApp groups and amuna minute amuna 2 minutes and the amuna 3 minutes I you know so I I my morning starts with a jolt of coffee and a burst of amuna and then what happens by the time we get to Min I forgot all about humility in God I'm living a life of arrogance and ego edging God out there is no room for God by the time I got to M I thought I was in charge I made the great business deal I'm the one who's responsible for my life so therefore the muscle we have to exercise over and over and over again we're never done reminding ourselves that's what we went through the may we have to recite 100 bras oh I forgot to bring the cards to give out there a young man who listens to the Amun and he sent me in the mail unbelievable a soldier in Israel who still needs OS desperately so he produced after listening to AR he made cards that are numbered to 100 and list the kind of bras we make and a paper clip and a picture of the soldier on it for us to carry and move the paper clip to count our 100 Bros and have in mind the soldier I got to bring them next week I have them unbelievable young man who just listened to the shear and with great humility sent it on his own unbelievable so what does hasem ask a 100 times a day we remind ourselves I'm guished I'm not entitled I don't deserve to understand I don't deserve to receive I'm nothing 100 times a day we make a and we realize there's anra there's an Almighty he's in charge he is in charge during ding we climb that ladder we go to the highest place from there from the highest place you ever go to a tall Lookout in Florida the highest mountain is the garbage dump next to the turnpike but if you go into a real skyscraper if you go to the real top of a high building the view is unbelievable so from the street level all you could see is 2 feet in front of you but the higher you go the further you see so the same is true with amuna the higher you go the further you see so what happens is when we go higher and higher and we embrace the light of amuna we bring it back down into this world and we dispel the darkness there is so much darkness and that's how we get to become whole there is so much Darkness there's so much struggle there's so much pain there's so much darkness and the way to dispel that Darkness to illuminate that darkness is with amuna so I end the way we began we dedicated our she our beloved and dear incredible friend Brian and one of Brian's amazing strengths that he continues please God will continue to teach us is amuna Hashem is awesome Hashem is great I don't know if I've ever met somebody who talks more about loving Hashem Hashem is great everything is amazing even when going through horrific pain and horrific suffering and horrific challenges and horrific future to be able to say Hashem is great is the ultimate of humility of making room and when there's someone Brian or other is who are in our minds all the time one of the great we do is to DAV for them to a certain degree that's easy it's lip service literally you say to and it's important but it can remain only in our lips the greatest is to be like them is to live with that amuna for it to not just be on our lips but to filter down into our head and into our hearts that as we go through our day to feel Hashem is great Hashem is awesome and even if all I see is the back of the tapestry right now and there's loose heads loose threads that make a very ugly chaotic picture to live with the amuna that Hashem is great and Hashem is awesome and someday I'll see the other side where it all comes together perfectly