Parshat Vayeira: The Challenge of Raising Children - Rabbi Aharon Walkin

[Music] This this week's passes vi We have the last of the 10a we read in this week's parish we have the a at the end which of course is the last of the 10us The 10 tests in the middle of the para we read the test. He commands Abrainu's commanded to send out of his house send out of his house his There's an interesting which caught my eye says that the hardest test that had to go through was this test of Oh my from all the tests that was challenged, the one that was the most difficult was this one. He says you look at the Pix says the blesser. It says clearly was hard for him. It was bad in his eyes. Literal translation. It was bad in his eyes. It was difficult for him says. So you see from here from this pel that this is the one that was the difficult one from all of them because nowhere does it say that this nowhere does it say by the other tests it says it only over here. Why is this the diff most difficult of tests? I would say the he had to take with his own hand. He had to go and she had to slaughter him. That's a much greater difficult task for a father. Why is it that the most difficult one was this one? tremendous question and I saw the picture there as it caught my eye tells us that this test this is the most difficult one only over here it says doesn't say but that when he was told to shack his son by no the opposite It says that he went excitingly so to speak and he went to shak his son even though the truth is the medus tells us that while was doing the aa his eyes were dripping from tears the tears were flowing yet still we Don't find only over here by this test. Why? Now what is the test of the argue over there on the Mishna in was it two and two tests the ESB? two maybe it was two separate mitzvah two separate tests was one another test another command or was it one say that it was two separate tests and the Rome was not on sending out hagar not sending away hagar But it was only that he had to send out Yeshua's like this hugger. Okay. Huger. All right. The difficulty over here was to send out his son. Why? Why is this the difficulty? maybe even more than the how do we understand this is more it's more test than doing the I'd like to begin with an Ezra and as the sh continues we can speak about the obligation the challenge the art of responsibility of a father to a child. And as we talk, we'll learn that this was the test of the father. How he deals with the was the test here at is everyone with me? You hear what we want? We're trying to understand what this test was and why is this test the test of all tests the challenge of all challenges do was difficult to him. Now Rashi learns the could also mean that he felt bad that his son went off to Dak. He felt very bad that his son wasn't following in his ways. He wasn't a religious and many say that what was bothering him wasn't that he wasn't till now. was bothering him that he has to send him out and now who knows what's going to be with him could be a till now he went off or maybe it means now that he has to send him out who knows what's going to be with him in the street so to speak he's not at home anymore he's not under the protection of his father. That's but Rashi actually says that the simple is actual that he had to send them out. That was the difficult part and like says no that that was the challenge of all challenges the difficult of all difficulties obviously from the words of the even more than the why why is it more than the you know Rabai I grew up hearing my grandparents saying over a Mera. It's called a saying a mera. What was the mera? They used to say plain kind of grace. Grace. You know what that means? I didn't think so. It's Yiddish. I thought you know Yiddish. You don't know Yiddish. Okay. [Music] is difficult. It's a tremendous challenge. It's an art and it's a test. A test of the parents. This Nissan was an issue we deal with kids at risk and parents are overwhelmed. They're bewildered. How do you deal with such a child? They need guidance. You clap cup, they knock their heads against the wall. It's very difficult. A parent that goes to sleep knowing that he has a son that he doesn't know how to deal with him. When you start unwrapping uncovering the of we start to realize that this was the Nisan for Aramu he had a son that was kids at risk and the is telling him how to deal with it and it's difficult decision that he has to make maybe even more than the soai let's begin with an ebenezra nezra says many wonder throw out his Not only throughout the the the child child with the mother. Everyone out of my house with no food. You know, he sent them out to die. at least pack a a trip for the you know you ever see you go on a trip you send your family on a trip what do you do you pack up the trunk here you know what he packed them up with nothing go how do you explain it where is the good heart of auh says to Evanzra, I wonder on those that wonder I saw alter from Kellum. He doesn't quote this Evanza but he elaborates on this point. A's whole life was kim anybody anybody was welcome in his home and this same person and same home is throwing out his own son you hear the beauty how he brings out the point those are my words but it's you You know what it is? His whole life is to bring and to take and to Wonder answers the terrorists that you said. I wonder on those that wonder. [Music] Hem told him. Hashem told him the Eli and Mahagat and S. He couldn't even give them money. Why? Because Sarah wanted Gures. Gish means throw them out, not send them out. Throw them out. Throw them out means without money. Get them out of the house right now. And Hashem said, so that's it. He had to listen. It's Hashem if he would have given them money. He would have given them car. If he would have given them, when you throw a guy out, the least you could do is give him car fear. I've been thrown out many times from places always get car something. I give you on the way out give you a coffee something. I don't know. Was that a sim? You brought me the coffee on my way out. And here what happens? Nothing. Why? Because Hashem told Abram to listen to Sor and Sor said out. So let's understand what's the Ara is told to do this. And the answer of course is because Hashem said so listens whatever Hashem said. That's the of that even though it's against his mid it's against his nature it's against his hasha but if that's what Hashem said that's what he said right? So my question to you is so what's the big then no you hear my question if you come and tell me that it was impossible for a to do I got it if that is able to overcome everything to do what Hashem said. So then what is the what's the test? You think this is the first time that Abra Aenu overcomes everything because Hashem said he does whatever Hashem said his whole life he's been doing that the hecks his son also Hashem said Hashem commanded him. So what's the difference between this and the You hear my question? It's a tremendous question. You have to understand what what is the test? What was the the root of the test? If Hashem tells him and to me learns, it's a question on those that question it. What's your question? He listens to Hashem. So why is this a test? It's like any other part that he had to of his life that he had to go and do what Hashem said regardless. Let me tell you what I think the answer is. Ready? Okay. Let's define and understand why did Hashem say why why did they tell him to do such a drastic thing you know today they would have said take him for counseling take him some rolin no why why all of a sudden do we have such drastic serious drastic punishment. What what what is this about? So let's learn a little bit. The Ramban says why says the Ramban because he was he was made of Ali. He was fighting over the See, we're not clear in the and in the gimarus what exactly was the the sin what he did. We don't mean it's not clear learns here. It's a Who was the Who was the Sor was the They were making of sorrow. They were making Malik, right? They kept on saying they made a joke out of the the master. That's what the Raan says. So according to the that was the supposed to be for the that he did. It was a direct ones. This was this is it. This is what's supposed to be the punishment the allotted punishment for what he did wrong. on you here. I don't know how many people know this because Rashi says he did and he and he did and he was shooting arrows. He was he was ready to kill doesn't go with all that. It was the day of the party of making a joke out of You make a joke out of what do you mean? He's your master. The rule and the law is that if a person's finished out of my house, you have to die. Says that the reason why It was a bad hashbah on bad hashbah. You look at the medish med says clearly that it was more about than it was about simply you say that yes need to get punished right? No didn't need such a drastic punishment but he had to get out of the house. He had to get him out way. Why? Because he was big a bit influence on many Israel used this as a guide. When we throw people out of a yeshiva, are you allowed to throw someone out of yeshiva? Kazanh said that in order to throw a person out of yeshiva, you need a ofgl of 23 because just like mita, just like when you kill somebody, there has to be a sack of a ofgl throwing someone out of yeshiva is you're killing him. Yeah. You need a and we don't have it. You have aim every time you throw a kid out of yes. Said this, you're not allowed to throw a child out of yeshiva unless you get the of agim. But on the other hand, when a child is a bad influence on the rest of the children in the class, then you have to send them away. It's not about a punishment for the person, for the child, but rather what is it? It's to save the others from a bad influence. And this is what we learn according to many here in Yesh the drastic gesh was because of bad influence on it won't go together cannot be and he cannot inherit the beautiful illustrious heritage that of is going to give him if he has what the benefit an arm on his side. Bad influence, bad kabusa. He's got to go. I saw an interesting medish and I want to be magnum to this medish. A very interesting shot on a pic. The medish will open up to us a much deeper understanding of what Yeshu did and that why Ara had to respond the way he did. You know in the par we find that before Hashem punishes he says I have to tell Abra about it. Why do I have to tell Abra about it as I need to tell what do I have? What do I like Afro? What do I like about Afro? I like about A that he's going to give over to the children and his household to continue in the hashem in the dead of the learns that it's opposed to and also a big sadikim but they didn't influence the generation and the people around them influences the people around it learn that it's not broadim that Abra had what what but what was his mil? He was a tremendous mechanist carefully. What does Hashem love about Arau? says in the pik that the abisha says I have to tell a about stein. Why do I have to tell him about stein? Because I like a what do I like about I like about here. Let's see the I know him well. I like him. I'm close to him. Why does Hashem so close to so say as opposed to the rest of the who they are what sadikim more for themselves they don't go out they don't go out they don't go out to to be m of others and others say it's not the broad of that did but it's the that he gave his children he was a tremendous and that's what Hashem loved what's so special about a you know what's so special about and this we're going to develop in this year is by example who you are truly will be reflect refcted in the and how your children respond to the you give them you know Rabbi say you can't say one thing and preach one thing and be something else it's not going to work you want to know who the person is you can look at not always sometimes you know and the children don't follow the parents But a lot of times in Yiddish is an expression. I think they have it in English today also. So you guys are safe. Apples don't far fall far from a tree. They don't fall far from a tree. You know actually you know actually where this comes from. It's a garra. It's a gammor says that is like an apple is an apple. Did you know that when you say the word apple, they think you're referring to a phone? No, we're an apple. I got it right. I hope I don't sound too stupid. Apples are phones today. That's Apple phone. Oh, okay. I know. Sometimes I say about technology and I make jokes then people look at me and go, "What is he talking about?" Okay, I got this one right. Okay, you should know apple you hear is you. You're an apple. I'm an apple. Why am I an apple? Says why? Because we said and that's the of an apple. Why? Because an apple also its leaf grows before its fruit. So to set and he brings a okay you know what Ty ask on this this p is not going on it's going on hashem says the little bottom the bottomis says it's not going that Hashem is an apple. Says Tyson, what kind of Pik you bring to prove that Khali the Jewish people are an apple from a Pik that's saying that Hashem is an apple. Tyus leaves it blank. Tyus doesn't give an answer to it. Ta says he should have brought a different later on says it's not a question. You know what the Gar is trying to say? Since Hashem is an apple and we are the children of Hashem. We're children. So we're also apples. No, that's where it comes from. Apples don't fall far from the tree. No. What do you want? Whenever a guy tells you apples don't fall far from the tree. Oh, he's supposed to says that's and the Gmor is trying to tell me this that our comes from we're connected to our father and we're like our father. It's rooted into the children is the same thing. You know what I love about a Roma? Look at the that he gives when he says to do something people do it. When his children hear the father say, "This is the mitzvah. This is what you should do." They listen. You know why? Because they see by example that that's what the father is. It's real. It's real. He is the quintessential mechanic, the dma for the children, the a that makes sim. You know, it's interesting words. What is a sim? You know what a sim is? Sign. You look at something, you go, oo that's a sign. Oh, I look at it. I see, wow, I have a sim. It's a sign. Do this, do that. M of a similar abundant. With this I think we could start understanding how it was difficult for a to deal with the Aram on one hand is a tremendous mechan with so much love and he leads and and and mechan with example and look at and normally how is he me by and here he has to be by You know, don't think that in this is something Aram went through and we don't go through it in our child raising. Maybe we don't have it in the extreme that Ara had it and the decision that he had to make, but we live it. children do something wrong or they're a bit hashb other children. It's lessons. This the test of is supposed to be that we should learn from it and is the it was a challenge to him was a tremendous challenge to him is telling him instead of being and loving get him out of the house. But that's not it's very difficult for me. And with this I think we can understand something interesting. If you look at the says something says says like this what's the says that the wanted that when he throws him out of the house he should disown him completely. He's not my son anymore. Unbelievable. Unbelievable says like this. I want to quote you inside because I don't want to misread it in any way. If you notice the P says, does it say? No. says, you notice that what was he saying? Sor was saying, why didn't he say your son? Said get rid of your son. S was saying it's not your son, it's her son. You ever noticed that when people fight? How come everyone's laughing? That's not my son. It's your son. Yeah. And everyone does something wrong, they blame the other parent. It's your son. Yeah. It's not your son. You hear? And that's what it says. Now that it's not my son, this is what's bothering me. You tell me to throw her out of the house. I got it. Maybe. Maybe I have to send him out. But you tell me I have to send him out and say it's not my son anymore. Oh, that's very difficult. Oh, you're listening. You're listening. He didn't just say send him out. Punish him. Punish him and tell him it's not his son anymore. I saw something interesting says that he was and he was don't feel bad. Whatever s tells you she asks how did come in here listen to her she asked so they bring from the an interesting chatifer said what was bothering a hashem said he's no good so what do you what's bothering you he's no good what do you want to have a bad son that does have a desire in your house he was afraid and was bothering him what about the grandchild. Who knows what's going to come from him? That's alien doesn't mean his son. This one Yeshu his son Yeshu's son. What was bothering him is what about the future? Maybe he'll have a grandchild and a great grandchild of Ducha. And that's what was bothering him because otherwise says if Hashem tells him he's no good, what's he so upset about to get to get him out of the house. He says that's the she has and she knows that what nothing good will ever come from him. And if you take a look, there's midrashian that say clearly that there's no gimm that come from Yeshim come from all nations as you could have gaim from there's no there was no hope for when I read this I have to admit I was bothered by it bothered me is learning that a father who's sending out his child if he did a if he did a why does it bother him and the only reason what bothers him is because future future generations right might come from him to me I think no that even if it was a child that was completely off and he did a des still his child. It's still his child. It's still his child. I can't honestly when I learned I was Matia. How could the write a thing like this? Of course, I'm nothing comparative. And I'm sure the Samifer was a tremendous father and a sadic, but to me, I look at it that the opposite that even though regardless of who he was, but he was still his son, that's I would have learned the no matter what he did. It's still your son. It's still your son. You know, we're bonimashem. We're the children of Hashem. The garra says since we're bim even if they're still bim. We're still children. like that says we're still abundant tell you a story by this point you already earned the story. Yeah. Okay. once traveled to for the yeshiva. They sent me to say shurim and different yeshivas to recruit Bah on my trip there. I sat next to a gerosid. In the middle of the trip, he turns to me and he says to me, "Would you like to hear something interesting from the GB?" I said, "Yeah, okay, that I figured already. You know, I'm sure if you're going to tell me something, it's got to be from the Greb." I said, "I'd love to hear." And he tells me the following thing that in the yeshiva of the G of the Gidim there was a boy that misbehaved and he was such a bad influence on all the boys that they didn't know what to do with him. So the manel went over to the Reb and he says what do we do with this boy? I think we have to throw him out of yeshiva. There's no choice. Like I told you, when a boy's a bad influence, g you have to get rid of him. The reb in Gotk style said one word in a you know what that means. I'll tell you what it means. And to wear I'm looking at the guy and I'm going did I miss the story? I I I just flew right by me. I I did I That was the end of the story. I'm looking. He says to me, "You know, you know what it means?" I said, "No, I have no idea what you're talking about." He says, "Let me explain to you what the GBA said." A means and to wear. What the GBA was saying is if he is our child, he is the son of our fathers here in the yeshiva, you want to throw him out to where? The minute you throw him out, he's still your son. And now you have to deal with him on the outside of the yeshiva. So it didn't change anything, your son always remains your son in a means where you going to set where you garbage you could throw in the garbage and the pickup comes and picks it up and takes it away. But your son, he remains your son whether he's in this building or he's outside of this building. I never understood why the guy told me because he didn't say one word to me afterwards. I never heard not one word after this. We landed. He said goodbye to me and that was it. And I always wondered to myself what was what I why would he tell me a thing like this? I thought maybe because he thought I was in I was a rebi. Maybe I told him I'm a magnet. I Fast forward many years. I was a rebi here in the yeshiva in Queens and I was sitting by a meeting of the rabbim and they were discussing to throw out a boy from yeshiva and all the rabbim all of them said that he has to leave because he's a very bad influence and he's got to go and he's not a good boy. What came to my mind in a where you want to throw him out to and I told them this story and they kept the boy today the boy is a mag yeshiva he says yeshiva the concept of it's your son wherever you throw him he still be your son I want to show you where I learned this from is told let's fast forward the end of the para brings us theo Who went to the arcaded? Yeshal went to the arcade. He went together with Alzar. What's he doing back home? Ever think about it? I was wondering always. I don't see. He was told to throw him out and all of a sudden he's back on the scene. He's back in the picture. How did he get back in the picture? I have another question for you. It says clearly by the Hashem tells I'm sorry, I've wrong. Excuse me. I've wrong. Take your son that you love. What does that say? My son. I have two sons that I love. I love both of them. Huh? I don't see it says no. He's not your son anymore. Something is not something's wrong here. I read read the actual here. He says the tell us he's not your son anymore. So how all of a sudden it's in his h he's in his house it's his son never happened the story of gis just never happened how do you reconcile this para and this para it's in the same para what what happened here I grad saw a beautiful v I'd love to share with you I saw a vuad was the vadas his father was a big ro in Europe and there's a book written about him bigonim and he said a very interesting shot hashem tells him hashem tells a go and she your son he asks my son I have two of them like we said but you that's not true I thought you only have one so he says that once hashem head. Throw him out of the house and that he's not your son. So now he's a yasum. Right now he's my son because he's my he's a yasum. Abrau took him in afterwards. You're right. He's not my son, but now he's my son that I have to help because he doesn't have a father. You hear the beautiful chat. You hear it? Well, he doesn't have a father. You told me that he's not my he's the father is not he's not my son. Okay. is at okay now now now now he has a father because I took him in as a I saw the say has a different says that only in relevance tokish wasn't son but to say was telling him it's not his son nod right that only when it comes to correct but it's you know what I would say the is that was the test that avoid had to have the balance the balance on one hand he had to send them out of the house as if he would be completely a stranger and at the same time he understood He still has to be mire of him and that it's really is still his son. Not his son. Yes, his son. Not his son. Yes, his son. This was the biggest test for Avro. For Avu, you know, Rabbi say raising children is very difficult. Raising children don't realize decisions have to be made. Sometimes you love and sometimes you can't love. Not it's not easy. The medish tells us that you know what really went wrong with some medishu was not with a tough hand. He let him go. He let him have freeish. The med says we learn from over here what says spare the rod spare the rod medish and that's why he says got it from maybe because he the I I I you have to work on this matter but that's what it was and therefore he turned out and could be that's what's bothering that he failed in the of his child that's what rashi maybe means I failed in my the challenge that I have for you know rais sometimes tests us. We don't have a choice to do what the is telling us to do. The test is how we take the challenge. He had to do it. He had no choice. Remember that was the question we asked. You had no choice. It's how he responded and how he reacted it, how he grew from it in lessons of and how to be child. That's where the test comes from. The test is not what we do, but it's how we take it and how we grow from it. And I'll prove it to you. The test was to go. Then the asks, what choice did he have? I said tells you to go. Do you have a choice? You don't have a choice. The mafar ask you have no choice. You know what the terret is? It's not that he did it. It's how he did it and how he accepted the challenge. It says he had to accept it. Not that he actually did it, but how he did it. He did it thinking it was positive. there was something good for him. You know what the tool of shyness? What does it mean? It's a double a and the answer is very simple. Something could be a ty for me can be good for me but I don't enjoy it. A shot is very good. You ever see a parent tells a kid a shot is you need it. It's good for you. Yeah. But you don't enjoy it. We take it that it's not just something you'll have to swallow a bitter pill which is good for you but it's also why do we say necessarily means something that's sweet sometimes it's bitter we ask Hashem it should be tya and msuka you notice that when he went out to what does he say? Tell them you're my sister. They'll give me good because of you. Rashi says they'll give me presents. Presents. That's what's going through mind. No, he was empty now. It was r he went down to try hungry. So, but why? I say his wife, he's he's planning out how they should save his wife. So, the issue is presence. Before Shimal they asked this question so I gave many different answers over the years. One answer I gave is he owes money. Listen he owed money on the way in. When you owe money you better make sure you pay up. Don't be so f I don't give me present. No take the pres later on Malit he doesn't take the presents right want to give him the money from he didn't want it. Yeah. But here and says he paid up his his debts a lot of times. Okay, he's very religious. You he doesn't want to take money. Yeah, but you owe people money. Okay, that's one answer we gave over the years. Another answer I think which is true. Abra understood that if he's going down to Mitim and Mitzim is a tremendous test for him, he knew that it wasn't just that he'll survive it, but he'll walk away with it. Something very good is waiting for him at the other end of the test. In life, when we go through tests, it's not just survives, gives us survival. Hashem is giving us that eventually from it will come only good things and you have to be you have to believe that and that's not just it's good for you to go through this test but you'll have good from it physical gain you'll gain from it and therefore when he goes to mit he says you know obviously I'm going to come back with to Italy mat I'll presence from it. Tests in life is to bring good things from it. And that's the amuna. That's the amuna. That's the belief in every test. Let's go back now to the story of is given a tremendous challenge and that is the challenge of what we call It's rough. Ramban says he was we sometimes have to punish a kid. We got to do what we got to do. On the other hand, sometimes in the home we have to make decisions where the kid maybe didn't deserve what he got, but influencing the atmosphere of the home. He was at he was influencing Ishmael, right? Then there's another concept of the house has to be with law and order. The medish says like we just learned that Yeshu wasn't given a strict hand. It was lax. And I want to tell you how far the medish goes. The medish continues and says we are bonimashem. The medish continues. Hashem deals with us in this fashion of as well. Hashem also gives us punishment and he's strict with us meaning what as well. It's not just the father to the child but it's also with that's the end of this medianice. You know, Rabbi say I always wondered is given to a father. Almost wondered about it. And there's a very famous expression. You don't have a license. You don't have to pass a license to be a father. You think it's a big to be a doctor. You got to pass a license. No one ever had to pass a license to be a father. And the truth is the life of your child is in your hand just like the patient is in the hand of the doctor physically, emotionally and spiritually. How you mean your child will ultimately make you a bigger and better parent which is a bigger and better person and therefore ultimately you're a bigger and better person that's what loved about was he The reason why Hashem put the of children in our hands that we should grow from it also. So the is actually whose test? It's our test as well. It's our test as well. Lost a child in his lifetime. his older son Rav, he was the dian of Raden. He was a giant. He was the the big pois in Raden. And the as of Roma was very soft and loving and caring and there was a challenge to him and he said something interesting. He said, "Till now I had to share my love between you and my child. I love Hashem. I love my child." And it's dual love. And sometimes they conflict. Rabai, how many parents think to themselves, you know, I'd rather my son be a doctor. I'd rather my son go out and make parnos have a good life. On the other hand, it's in the challenge of a hashem. Maybe it's better he should learn and he should d and he should minimize in the paros. It's a dual challenge for a parent to make a decision. Do I give my son to hashem completely or do I give him completely to this world and a good life? gave her son completely to who? He gave completely to Hashem. We don't do that. But we need to balance it. It's a balance. Do we give our our child everything he wants physical monetary or do we say listen we love Hashem? Brisma Mila. What's brisa? We take our son, we make a bris. We're giving him somewhat to this is the tremendous balance said till now I had to share. Now that I lost my son, all my love goes to who? It goes to you. Now my love completely is to you. And the said that where did he learn this from? He learned this from a Jewish mother. A simple Jewish mother from the Spanish Inquisition. Her child was killed in the Inquisition. And as she hovered over the body of her child, she spoke these words. Now my whole love is all for you. He said, "If a Jewish mother, simple Jewish mother could reach this height of awareness and love for Hashem, I for surely could reach it and speak out these words is complicated. It's difficult. Very difficult. It's a challenge. How do we take the challenge? On one hand, it's Aram's son. On the other hand, what the child has to be sent away from was torn. He's torn between love to take a child and sacrifice him to Hashem was not as a big an iso as I go back to the original question. The was less than this. Yes, it was because the he took somebody he loved for somebody he loved over here. What was he doing? He was pushing away taking away love from a child because of the love of the that was very difficult for a child for Hashem complete devotion to Hashem. He was able to do to push a child away because Hashem said so. And what did he understand? that even after all that it's still my son and I still have to love him. That was difficult for him to the point that what he takes him back right after you're right. So the must have meant what did the mean send him out right away. What do we find? He's back on the picture. He's back at home. When Hashem says, "Take your son that you love." No, I love both of them. What do you mean? I And the terret says it's not a contradiction. Hashem said you got to send them out. In English, we call it tough love. Got to send them out. Yeah, but you got to love. You got to love. And that's a difficult path that every parent has to take. I want to show you something interesting. They say over one of the great Rebas, I believe it's the Rabitza that had a child that did not follow in the path of his parents. He went off yet dealt with him with so much love. He turned to the he said, "I am just a person. I love my child. Even though he was rebellious, you you're the master of the world, the creator of the world. You for surely should love your rebellious children. Used to travel to Yadav Shalom. Y shalom is the monument over the grave where Abalam the son of David is buried. Abshalam rebelled against his father terribly. Yes. Possibly fit the emo for him. 10 times he called him beni 10 times and every time he said beni he elevated him from one level of ganum that's what the gar says beni he lifted him up from one level of used to go and pray before and say understood a rebellious child is And that no matter what father is able to be is able to overcome everything and have love and forgive. You're our father took the of a child as a model role in growth to become a better and bigger Jew close to. You see the lessons of you're the father. Think of how the is our father. I grew up in my father's sh was a Jew who would read the satashana the first day and he would cry hysterically almost on the passing of would cry hysterically and I never understood why. And I know there were people in the synagogue that mocked him. What are you related to that you care so much? What why are you so overwhelmed about big deal? I knew this Jew. He was a he had tremendous insight in Torah. He was a tremendous of a person and I knew it come it came from somewhere. He hadic lineage. I knew it came from somewhere. The fact that he was emotionally moved by I didn't know why but I knew it had to be something. And over the years I pondered why is that something we read on Shana? Why are we reading about Hashem? Okay, that I hear why it's on rash. Why happened on rash? Good. But the whole story with and then it goes into it's the second day we read the makes sense. I hear that why are we reading continuing with the whole story with now you have to understand Rabbi one of the lessons that is for Rashashan is taken from Yeshal's reaction to this to this gar that he was thrown out of the house he's thrown out he's in the midbar and what happens. He's ready to die. He domined to him because at that moment he was still good. We spoke about he wasn't really good. He was he was thrown out of the house for a reason, right? Too good. He wasn't right. He wasn't a good boy. That's why he was thrown out of the house, right? We discussed that at a different time. Okay? But the gibbar says we learn from over here that hashem listens to the prayer of a person the way he is and therefore we come and we say this is who we are today we're clean today we want to do chuva don't look at the past don't look at the future no right isn't it interesting that we learn it from Ishmo It's a It's an interesting thing. I I thought about it. It's an interesting lesson. We're learning from Ishmael a concept which is to rash not and the answer is Rabai. There's something very emotional, very sensitive. When the child sins, what happens? There's a part of the of a child who sins. What happens? And the lesson is Kimmel call. We also we also sin. We did things that should throw us away. Yet still it echoes the child that rebelss. The para of hogarish. the child who rebelss and what is the reaction to the child who rebelss we we look at him at the moment we give him a chance to do chuva he's still a child he's still a son that becomes the lesson of rash as well and I believe that's what this Jew this altered my father shul he felt was The in the par of we are children of should be taken as a lesson as an opportunity to grow. We should grow. yourself also in English we say it takes two to tangle don't blame your kid for everything most of the things you can blame for but some of it is you too you want him to grow your you got to be example for him how you respond to what he does speaks speaks volumes of you as well. And that's the had a tremendous test. How does he deal with the home where the home is all problematic? One child is doing good, the other child is bad. The influence, the problems. tells him he's got to be tough on the child. Yet what? It's his child. Beloved, it's very important that when you your children, never forget, one child is better than another. Here you have a case where Hashem tells him, "Throw him out. Consider him not send them out without a penny, without even car." That's what we began to share with without even car. Throw them out like excuse my expression like you throw a dog. Turns around say I love them both the same. That's the of