Parshat Ki Tavo: Living Jewish - Rabbi David Kaplan

[Music] okay now take a look at pericle puzzle gimmel now this is this is not the plain meaning by far far from the plain meaning but it has a lot of meaning in our uh in our day-to-day living so the guy says like this via martin luther three lines from the top this is the guy who's making his uh declaration about the bikurim i have removed the holy things the tithes that have accumulated i've removed them from the house this is what's called uh vidui maestros it's a guy when you have to tithe that at the end of three years you have to get all the tides that have accumulated that you may have kept in your silo you have to bring them to your shallam the game of the lady i've given to the part to the lady like villager to the convert often the the torah the juror puts the convert in the category of people who are impoverished because often the convert has left his family does that have an infrastructure of support doesn't mean that he has to be poor if bill gates were to convert uh we would welcome him with open arms i would make a michael russo without a problem but in general the convert leaves and the convert is poor to cover his family may have cut him off they don't approve of his choices now pay attention look at the next line carefully meets vasra scherzoni like all your mitzvahs that you have commanded me i did not bypass your mitzvahs how does the article translated i have not transgressed okay i'm not bypassing velocity and i have not forgotten so um the commentaries point out over here that uh um the plain meaning is listen i've done the maybe we this is a declaration we've made i've done your mistakes i haven't forgotten it i've forgotten any details i've done at all but one of the commentaries points out tongue in chic that you sometimes find what i call i would like to call and i've mentioned in the past a religious mr magu now i don't know if you remember mr magu yeah mr magoo is this blind guy he could barely see and wherever he goes he leaves uh he leaves a trail of dessert i think jim backus was the voice for mr magu jimbac has played thurston howell and gilligan's island i think he was the voice for mr magoo mr magoo is this character who is always his little it's a car used to be a cartoon and he goes around and whatever he does he leaves a trail of disaster behind him and he kind of whatever he's doing he leaves a trail of disaster i always talk about it you know i'm on film so i got to be careful i call it women drivers you know you know they're driving along you know and everybody's racking up behind them okay that's my own personal wedding call which is true uh but so jim is a mystery now there are what people that i call a religious mr magu and it's not fun to get caught in their path because this is a guy who in his headlong rush to fulfill a mitzvah the guy leaves a trail of bodies behind him ruby israel solanter once said if you're running when you're running to do a mitzvah just don't destroy the entire world out of the way you're so focused on doing your mitzvah that everybody everybody you know the the bowling pins fall as the bowling ball comes through so for example you want to kiss the torah in shoal right you want to get to the bringing the torah back right you're almost like being in a hockey game yeah it's like you know boom you know excuse me that was my head just oh yeah and so so there are a lot of things like that where you're in such a such an urgency to fulfill the mitzvah you've taken your eyes off what the priority is the classic example is is when you're doing a mix-up you have to remember why you're doing the mitzvah you're doing the mitzvah not because not because of the mitzvah you're doing the mitzvah because god said to fulfill the mitzvah so you have rabayakov kamineski once had a man in his community who the band um the man was told by the doctor not to fast on young kipper here we have him kipper is coming up man was told by the doctor not too fast on him kipper the man disobeyed the doctor and he died arabia will come and he felt that this man is is borderline suicide because why didn't you listen to the doctor yum kipper you got to fast why are you fasting why are you fasting what do you mean why they have to fast why do you have to fast on young cooper only one reason only one reason why because god said fast well the same god who said fantastic that's the fast way your life is in danger so you're serving yourself you're serving god what are you really doing that's the lo of varti i didn't forget why i'm doing the mitzvah sometimes you get a guy who's uh the class probably the classic example is the guy who wants to daven for the elmod you know there's a tradition if somebody dies so their son if they have a son he dobbins for the helmet he's the cousin during the year of mourning so you'll often have people going up there one second i got i got a york site well i got your site well get out of the way i'm dobbing for the helmet i got your tight so they're fighting over to your side why do you want it down for the yamaha because it's good for my father's neshama yeah what do you think is better for your fathers in the shama to daven for the elmwood or to allow another jew to do it in order to remember you're not sacrificing a mitzvah over here it's not a mitzvah if you have one lula for one estrogen you have to do the mid so you can't give it to another jew just like you wouldn't give him 20 bucks we're talking about a custom over here what do you think is more important the customer being kind to another jew and avoiding a fight and show then again if there's not gonna be fights in show why go right but what do you think what do you think is more important the void of the voice i'd say rabies charles cilantro was once it happened to him and he backed off of the quebec he was going to die for the omelet and some of the guy wanted it down for the elements there's also backed off somebody said to me yeah but your site you have your father he says i'm trying to elevate my father's soul the greatest elevation from my father's soul is that he should have left the son who's willing to let somebody else do it that's the greatest elevation the ghirard one of the gear rebels saw that one of his hasidim was upset he was diverting and showing he saw that one of us was sitting was upset so he uh uh he comes over to his house and he says why are you upset i forgot my garthel now regardless of where that black that black thing that they that they wear around them so a very very nice custom because where that people consider they said i forgot my garthel so gary says here take mine he starts taking off his garter so the ghost said but rebbe what are you going to do he says listen you'll fulfill the custom of wearing a gartel and i will fulfill the torah command of doing a reset with my fellow jew how's that right and that's what that's that that's the whole story right there that's the whole sorry stay focused on what we're trying to do over here what are you trying to do over here what is the goal and therefore it says and this is i can't tell you how many things i've seen in life i had a guy with i i had a guy once here and told me that he was staying at somebody's house for shabbos and uh he wakes up five o'clock shot this morning he wakes up and he has to go to the bathroom he's a guest at somebody's house he wakes up five o'clock shot this morning the door tries to open his door the door is locked from the outside so the guy's pulling on the door he's got to go to the bathroom pulling on the door and he starts knocking quietly five o'clock in the morning nothing going there's nothing like wait it's 5 30 6 o'clock he's standing there seven o'clock he's staying there spray yeah eight o'clock also he's click door's unlocked okay runs to the bathroom what happened he was staying by a couple and the husband wanted to go to governor and daven at the nate's minion if the husband leaves to go dive into the natesman and he got a problem with yhood he got a couple who's alone in the house his wife is alone with this other guy in the house so he did the logical thing he incarcerated him in his room right he locked him in the room for three hours that's the logical solution to it right the answer is no that's not the logical so logical solution is either invite the guests or dominates and if he can't dominate because you gotta get so that's your mitzvah you're missing to take care of your guests not to incarcerate them so you can go to show them be exotic i get to see the guy diving they should have one of these split screen cartoons where the guy's in show dominating with his devotions and he got this guy standing at the door playing like this yeah it doesn't matter what far side would have would have a party with that you know the the the the the idea to get your priorities right get your priority safe there's a little show healthy okay now let's go on let's go on because there are a couple more a couple more key points over here um take a look at possible we're going all the way to chapter 27 now uh chapter 27 verse seven i knew another guy another guy who on either is a tradition i know these guys personally i'm special there's a there's a tradition that on yom kippur some people stay up all night and show onion kipper says clearly if you're going to be tired the next day and you won't be able to dive in and try threaten your fasting then you don't do it so but there's a tradition some people stay up all night okay so there's this guy his wife was in her ninth month of pregnancy um that's what it ends by the way and uh uh she was in her ninth month of pregnancy and uh this guy decided he's going to go to stay up all night on yom kippur in schultz so he borrowed the key from the gabae and he locked himself in so they could engage and his wife said please don't i may need you i might go into labor don't worry it'll be basimaha everything will be okay just attend just smile be besimbra don't worry hashem trust hashem okay so he goes to the show and of course in the middle of night his wife goes into labor she sends down the nine-year-old son he's knocking on the shoulder shoulders locked from the inside father is in a very devoted deep sleep in the show so he didn't hear his son they had to call hatsola get her to the hospital and it turned out well just like the father said right they had a baby boy and everybody lived happily ever after right you understand the distortion of priorities over here you understand what a distortion of priorities that is but why don't we really abandon your wife in her ninth month on young kipper and you'll keep her more women go into labor statistically first of all women have to fast on yum kipper if they're it's a healthy pregnancy women have to fast because even if she's in her six-month women a woman is having trouble in pregnancy so then they're because fasting actually could bring on contractions and the young the the uh the delivery rooms are actually overfilled on on on at the end of yom kippur there are a lot of women who have gone into labor on yom kippur same kipper is afraid in their ninth month so so a woman i know keeper anyway is more vulnerable plus you may have to rest you may need somebody to help take care of the kids because you because she's tired she's fasting and she's got a nurse if she's a nursing mother she's fasting on your own kipper it's horrible because she's gotta nurse the baby drawing fluid out of her system it's a very very very but okay so you have to do it unless there's a life unless there's a medical purpose a medical reason a doctor says down to then you're not allowed to do it and you're not allowed to do it so a person has to keep focused on what's the goal over here they had one of the a very old man a very old hasidis rabbit who the doctors examined him and the doctor determined that he can't fast on young kippers he came to the kids he said listen i got some uh distressing news for you your father can't fast on you and kipper so you're like a vault okay uh reuven tell dad he can't fast yeah i ain't telling him man you tell him he says no no let levy do it you know the brother says okay you know let's go in together. so they come and they say dad we listen we just have to tell you tati uh we spoke to the doctor the doctor before he said you're not gonna be able to fast on young kipper so they're looking so what do you worry what are you so happy about he says look for the last 60 years i've served hashem by fasting on him kipper chev wants me to eat so now i'll serve hashem by eating onion pepper that's what the attitude should be that's the correct attitude what's the difference to you the classic example on rosh hashanah just imagine this has happened by the way you got a husband and you've seen what's like in the yeshiva you start sleekos and elul and everybody's focused that he comes to rosh hashanah and that's serious you made suva and then on yum kipper morning the husband gets up he's got the white kit the line with the talus and he's heading out toward he's hanging out the door and the wife says to slay me i i'm running a fever i think i need you to stay home with the kids this guy's devastated i know guys i know i've been there i know i know what that's like i'm going to dive and i'm going to be an angel i'm going to be a monologue i'm going to you know and also your wife is telling you no no you're going to stay home and you're going to change diapers break up fights and make corn patties for the kids you know yom kippur that's what i'm going to do and what's the answer the answer is you just said hashem right the whole time shameless god is the king god's the king if god is the king how do you serve a king don't serve a king the way you want to serve the king you serve the king the way the king wants you are you a loyal servant you're not a loyal servant so if you're a loyal servant the king says you zack are staying home breaking up fights with four-year-olds great that's what the king wants what do i care how the king wants me to serve him except for my personal interests where it's much easier to go to um kipper because easier to go to shul and fast it's much easier to be to fight isis than it is to stay home and with four-year-old kids that's my that's my own personal preference right but we're not talking about we're talking about doing what the king wants so what do you care that's what the king wants you to do that becomes your menstrual right now what are you okay that's the that's the idea okay so you take a look at possible here the torah talks about uh uh you learned on shabbos uh if you if you're following up how they're going to go up onto the two mountains hargreaves and evol and they're going to make these declarations of the various curses and the various blessings so then in public 27 it says like this um on page 1072 it's about uh nine lines from the bottom of the page vis-a-vat you will uh uh sacrifice offerings and you will rejoice this is rejoice before hashem your god now um and then the torah goes on and goes into this whole right after that there's going to be all the various curses cursed is the man who does this curses the man various calamities and so on and so forth so before anything the torah wants to communicate the idea to us that we believe in the attitude of all for the best we believe there's an attitude of all for the best whatever happens is for the best and therefore even if something is challenging in a person's life that's because god has decided in his wisdom that this person may need the challenge in order to get him on the right track sometimes the person with things are going too well there's a puzzle that says yeshua which is the jewish people waxed fat you sure and became wealthy they they then rebelled literally that means they kicked you rebel when does the person really gaborn says a lion roars when he's got a box full of meat not when he's got a box full of straw when does a lion roar when when you got a box full of meat that's when you're much more confident much more cocky much more arrogant and much more forgetful of course so if you're a wealthy man in your entire life you spend getting stuck and diving and thinking about a coach bro that's one thing but if you're a little focused and sometimes the person says hey i'm going to do you a favor now we need to re-channel you over here a little bit we need you to go into the opposite direction then akares brocco sometimes may bring a little bit of suffering on a person now we none of us want it nobody wants the test of suffering everybody would rather eat a test of wealth than the test of poverty but realize that the test of wealth is a more difficult test a poor man almost naturally has greater stronger faith a person who's suffering has no choice he turns to god he always turns to god a wealthy man is often thinking to himself well you know i had an angle here and i saw the market this way and i had it and i anticipated and he's got all his all his his his reasonings why he succeeded in life that's very dangerous and once in a while coach roy needs to give him a little little patch just to get you just to re re re uh rewind it to start you know so that we can get you back on the right track so the first thing we do is we bring these offerings the samak the leaf rejoice with whatever happens in life it's a difficult thing by the way a difficult thing don't uh in the concept of gam zulutova you ever hear the expression hebrew gam zulutova gamzulta means this too shall pass this two show sorry this two is for the best game le tova what that means is like this a person bends down to pick up his pen and he smacks his head on the table that's how it hurts if you say gamsula tova gonzolitova does not take away the pain but it keeps the pain in the proper perspective that it wasn't wasted at least there's a reason for it when a dentist is giving you a shot of novocaine you say gamsula tova because you know that that pain is because you don't want the pain of the drill and then when he gives you the drill and then you know this is for the best right because then you'll be able to eat afterwards and when it gives you the bill for the drill right this too is for the best because i have to pay the money in order to have my teeth working in order that i'm able to eat and so on and so forth but while it's happening doesn't hurt it's just there it's a reminder to you yet this is all for the best there's a reason why karis rojo is doing this for me that's why it's important to keep that attitude that's what the torah is teaching okay now take a look at um um plastic tests back on page seven uh 72. okay here we have a very puzzling um puzzling puzzle taurus i was like it was right by that big white space about seven lines to the bottom like diabetes they speak to the jewish people they say the following israel how does the errors go translate house case be attentive pay attention pay attention what's the obvious question wasn't it on exodus was that of course they've been a nation for a long time why say on this day you've become a nation thus every gods take a look arashi hayomah zenniya salaam it's the right column of rashi last line last line on the right column of rashi every day it should be as if you have joint gotten involved in the covenant it should be every day as if today we have made our commitment to go to jordan what does that mean imagine it was your first day imagine it's your first day imagine your first what's it like your first day in the office you graduated college you finally put on a three-piece suit and you're going down to the accounting firm or to the law office for the first day you ever see somebody on the first day in the office and you come walking in your video this is what you've been working for four years in college and you finally got that job you went to the interview wearing a tie for the first time you had a haircut you know you cut off all the you you scrubbed off all the tattoos and you go in there and you go in there and you're sitting across the counter for the guys okay they hire you for the job why are you excited then you go home you buy a new suit another suit now if your first day you come in to work your first day then you take a look around the office all these guys who look like they're just haggard you know you're expecting everybody like all these gum snapping guys who are working each one has a cubby hole a cubicle over there and they put you in your cubicle and you're like in your first day you're just like you know you're going to just change the world that lasts last for how long yeah it's about a week about a week till they tell you to bite maybe an hour until they tell you bring some donuts i hate to act some donuts and coffee oh yeah i wouldn't mind something no no that's not what we meant we meant bring for everybody in the office okay so you're bringing so the first thing you do because you want to keep everybody happy by the third day you're tired of it and it eventually like anything else in life it loses its freshness it comes along on this day you'll become a nation and this day you'll get thanks thanks joel on this day you've become a nation every day should be a fresh day now this applies to judaism in general applies to torah in particular we've spoken about this but one point here that is extremely important that the commentaries point out what makes us a nation what makes a jew what makes italians a nation they live in italy what makes the greeks an asian they live in italy what makes hungarians and asian they live in hungary and they have all these guys people coming into hungary so they're going to be hungarians now too even though they're muslims right because now they've got to take in all these all these foreigners are coming in okay the romans the germans the greeks everybody's a nation why are we jews why are we jews that's why judaism is one of the most difficult things to define are we israeli theoretically if we want to stay parallel with italians irish polish and greeks we should be israelites because we're from israel but we're not israel we're jews and a jew is we're not you know it's both it's a it's an interesting creature because it's both a nationality and a religion and it's often confused with israel so when somebody wants to get back in israel they attack jews in argentina what's that god do they're argentina and jews have nothing to do with israel the answer is it all goes kind of goes together because jews don't have an identity are you let me ask you a question gentlemen are you an american jew or a jewish american no are you are you an american jew or jewish american i'm an american jew not jewish american what am i first am i american or jewish first what do i consider to myself what's the priority by me am i american or my jewish right i'm jewish i'm jewish i happen to be an american jew i'm not a jewish american i'm a jewish american he's an irish american and he's a polish american what's that that means i'm an american friend i'm not an american i'm a jew first well in america the noun comes second the adjective comes first i'm an american jew he's an israeli jew he's an iraqi jew we're all jews jews are what we are they don't like it on my boarding when i go to border control and they say nationality on the thing i always write jew i write jewish how are you jewish one of the guys thought once he says you're not sure you're are you american all right you're a pastor i'm american you know i always make a vibrant i write jewish so so so because that's that's when i see myself i'm jewish well what is it what is judaism so the torah is telling you right over here haiyom you've become a nation one second you haven't gotten into israel yet how'd you become a nation take the italians out of italy take the irish out of ireland and put them in the united states what are the most what do fourth generation irish consider themselves in america i'm an american i have to live in boston i originally was irish right there yeah i'm uh ireland i don't i've never been to ireland no great love for ireland i don't know if i've been to i'm an american i am a jew no matter where i go why is that because we don't become jewish as a result of the land the land happens to be the best place to practice judaism but i'm a jew if i'm in australia also why am i a jew i'm a jew because of the torah our nationality is torah our nationality is not israel that's one of the objections why there was such a strong objection in the torah community to the movement of zionism because zionism put an emphasis on the land itself the land from our perspective is not an ends the land is a means to an ends what is the ends the ends is torah in service of god the means to the ends is anything that helps us achieve that so if you live in a jewish community let's say in america have a choice you have a choice to live in to live in san jose or to live in or to live in flatbush so you're better off living in flatbush because you're going to be with the jewish community with shoals so you'd make your choice based on what is best for your spiritual growth to be a jew is it better for you to live in israel if it's better for you as a jew living you should live it is there plenty of people stop it or believe it or not gentlemen plenty of people it's not good for them to live in israel because in israel you won't find employment which means you're going to have a very rough bumpy marriage because you're in norfolk you'll be fighting over money all the time you may not have parental support if you have little children in the house you don't have family here to help you raise your children there are a lot of factors to take into it you may not know the language you may not be employable here there's other factors if you could live here you should live here if you can't live here like somebody once said better to live in hutzle arts and wish you were living in israel then live in israel and wish you never came and therefore if you come you're single and you're learning and you should have a great there's nothing else about one you have to make a life decision it's not just like yeah israel go israel well it depends so if you're from france you may have no choice time to get out of france the it's getting a little hot there so if you're going to leave france you might as well go to israel but if you have a choice under certain circumstances you're doing better in hotels that's what you're supposed to do because the focus is on the person's growth not on the land itself yeah but isn't it about every second on your land in israel it is it's also a mitzva that when you're married to stay married and therefore if you're if you're if you're you you could walk around you can walk around in israel and walk around in israel very lonely right you walk around in israel very lonely because your wife will leave you and therefore it is better to stay married and be in hotshots which is what my wife said to me when i asked her if i could get a motorcycle she said if you could get one but you'll be lonely right so so what do you think which meant no so so i did not get the motorcycle so uh uh uh the the uh that's a problem that's a problem i should never have asked i should i should have just shown up with it by the way when i was in high school i was 17 years old and uh i didn't have my i didn't have a driver's license yet my dad one day out of totally out of character he bought a kawasaki 100 motorcycle that somebody was selling cheap and he put in the living room this was in winter he put it in the living room then we put in the backyard and i would ride it up and down the alley and i was waiting to get my lyso waiting until summer to go to the waiting until the after winter to go get a motorcycle license and between winter and spring my mother who graduated from nursing school started working in chicago rehabilitation institute where she was working with 17 year old paraplegics and quadriplegics and i remember i came home from school one day and guess what doing the motorcycle be gone nobody checked with me nobody nobody what are you going and it was that was that was the end of my motorcycle i mean i was kicking that baby up to about 12 miles an hour in the alley you know so you know you know it was uh yeah it was great it was great back and forth back and forth in the alley that was it no motorcycle so so uh what do you call it uh yes that's and now i don't have one so i'm still married now um take a look take a look at um uh perch have seine puzzle very interesting concept now very interesting concept paragraph zion puzzle of dalit torah says like this there's a whole list of people who are cursed and then and page 1074 it's uh about seven lines from the bottom it says saucer cursed is one who smites his fellow in secret the umark amen so cursed is one a curse starts cursed is one who uh um the what possible does this correspond to over machia 2024 how does he translate occurs when it strikes his fellow stealthily you mean if you do it out in the open it's okay it's just insane it's just in secret if you sneak a punch you know what's it called a uh uh a cheap shot you know then then you're cursed but if you come right up for a front and give him a shot in front that's okay now that's not what the door is talking about so uh uh um the gemara says over here what is this talking about took a little bottom line of rashi in the right column says rashi omer this is referring to la shanhara speaking bad about people let's talk about speaking bad about people now what does that mean so the khafitzheim if you ever look in the book the safer prophet saying that's how he got his name by the way he wrote the seifer prophet saying based on the verse his name wasn't his name wasn't even his name was israel mayor but he wrote the safer called based on the verse in the torah that says who desires life if he desires life stop your son from your tongue from speaking bad also speaking falsehood so based on those words of the passage that was the name of his safer and because that was the safer that's how he became the prophet okay now here the torah says you're not allowed to smite somebody in secret on the sly because when you speak lush and her about people what do you usually do how do you don't walk over to somebody and bad mouth him in front of a third person what it usually does like that it's like that that that's what's called striking him in public in in private now you've all learned all the laws of of lush and i'm not going to go into laws i just want to point out one thing when is it permissible to say something derogatory about somebody the rule is if it is for a productive purpose which cannot be achieved any other way and you do not exaggerate at all and you have to alter your motivation somebody calls me up about a guy in the yeshiva wants to know is this a good guy for his daughter what can you tell me about the guy what would you like to know well does he have is everything else okay now i happen to know that the guy has messy handwriting is that something that i should tell what do you talk what can you tell me about kai oh he's got messy hand is that something i'm supposed to say or not the answer is if he would ask me about it i would tell him and then i obligated to though how is his handwriting well yeah no he writes right is it messy or good is it messy yes very messy headache because that's apparently important tip so a guy says what do you know about now i have to know this guy rarely makes it the minion and well he's a good guy but he never makes it to me there's no reason for me to say that if the guy says to me does he make it to minion yes yes he's on time he's on time ninety percent of the time he's always up by minko and he gets there he gets on time right now if he asks me if he asks me does he go to chakras yes he goes to chakras i remember seeing a couple years ago he was a chakras right how often does he go well i would say sometimes this so the guy the more direct the more specific you are the more so i say does he get there seventy percent of the time so he doesn't mean is he there for seventy percent of davening he means does he get there on time somebody then i have to answer the question now there is a certain category in halacha where it is what's called because a lot of these things are subjective one guy doesn't care another guy does care and the reason you have to answer a pointed question is because if you try to push the up you tried to whitewash it you could actually be causing a disaster very easily the guy says to you how often does your roommate get to chakras and you know he doesn't get that often the guy says does he get there more than 50 of time i know he doesn't you have to give that answer you know why because this guy's daughter may be a girl who wants a husband who's up at chakras every morning and then they're going to get married and there's going to be strife because she's disappointed because you who knew and should have said didn't say because you're such exotic so better off if they ask you you don't have to volunteer it but if you know the information and they're asking you then you have to say the information you don't have to say enough oh he's a horrible he hates david you know you're allowed to to smooth it over a little bit but not to not to avoid the information now there is a category there's a category of losing arrow which is where something is objectively anybody would say this is objectively a problem let's say somebody has a life-threatening illness they call you about the market by the way you know that he's got six months to live and that's something that you would have to volunteer you know that he did time in prison for violence he was a violent criminal that's something i mean a lot of times you have to check with allahic authority but these this is information that you would have to give over even if a up has already been made sometimes you have to intervene and say listen i just want you know your daughter's about to marry a guy who was married once before and he was in prison for beating his wife now that's something that a future father-in-law would probably want to know therefore you have to know now the rule is the rule is that you're allowed to say it and when you say it it's not allah however however we are held to a very exacting standard so let me give you an example you've seen shokhan is in the book right how could i possibly keep all those those all of us the shogunate is vast i'm supposed to keep those a locals i've been firm for three months i'm supposed to keep all the halachas the answer is no god's reasonable keep as much as you can you're not accountable for everything because you can't possibly do it but but do you do those things you're able to do no that you don't do either then you become accountable for the whole thing because the reason you're not doing it is not because it's overwhelming or it's not doing because you don't feel like doing any of it you understand your accountability can shift based on what your attitude is if my attitude is i'm trying to do as much as i can my goodness i'm overwhelmed good so you're not accountable you'll get there you'll do that too but if i'm not even doing the things i could and should be doing so then the things that you're not doing you're also account because if you were going to that there you wouldn't do that either same thing when it comes to lush and horror i think when it comes to lesnar why are you talking la shannara you're talking lush and hard because you really enjoy it oh good make my day ask me something bad about him i finally have a chance to unleash my tongue because this is necessary hey what's the proof why you're saying it right now how are you the rest of the time if the rest of the time you don't talk los angeles and now when you need to you do okay then you're keeping the halaquah the way you should but if you're always talking la shanhara and this just makes it more juicier now i can do a mitzvah then even then there's going to be a certain accountability i don't know to what degree there's going to be a certain accountability difference is cursed as somebody who smites another person in private that that that talking bad about somebody behind their back that's what the torah is talking about over here okay take a look at perch khas pasuk base a very interesting blessing that we're going to get 1074. bottom of page 1074 i knew a case of a shidduch in the case of a shira where a guy calls up a certain yeshiva and he says uh can you tell me about ruvain he says yeah reuben very top why you know in the israeli in the from world you know you're looking for a guy who's a good learner and he's a guy you know this that tell me about ruvine sucks the russia shiva yeah how is he learning very good learner very good one at the top of this year very sharp how about his device sits and learns all the time how are his midos good midos everything wonderful let me ask a question is he honest is he honest is he a straight guy to be honest oh you know i mean you know i mean you know he has to say hey this is my daughter i talk about the guy honestly he's not honest he goes he's uh i mean it's not his strongest characteristic i mean i'm asking for a straight answer is this guy what do you call him honestly dishonestly it says listen what can i tell you the guy that's his one flaw the guy is a sneaky he's sneaky he is cunning he he's not what i would call it heirlook a guy he's not says great my daughter is very very sneaky and this is not her song and she needs a husband who's going to run circles around him that's the boy that i want right the couple got married yeah we got married now imagine the russia shiva trying to help hashem and not willing to give the infrared then the shirt doesn't take place the up doesn't matter that he's doing an injustice because now the girl is getting set up with the guy who's going to be dishonest i mean you'll find after you're married that certain times you're going to have to you're going to have to resort to all the cunning you can find right mr vogel right you're going to have to use cunning you're going to be as cunning as as cunning as a snake okay but are you inherently the third guy it don't help don't help but goddess rojo answer our code who's the guy he asks the question answer the question let a coach rojo run his world it's not your job to force the up that's not your job your job is to answer again if you have any questions about it go to the robonamir somebody ever calls you up guys and you that's one of the best person to talk to is a roommate whenever i check out shidduchim for guys and for my own children i call the roommates you talk to the teacher yeah she's a wonderful girl this is a wonderful girl then you talk to her roommate oh yeah she's a nice uh yeah i guess she's a good nice girl that's a lot different than the teacher because rooney's got to live with her stuff on the floor with her what do you call it with her using having taken her brush in her comb and lying on her bed when she's not sweating and dripping water all over so the roommate knows a little bit better it ain't just the tone gives you an insight the teacher is yeah she's not sure the teachers here at her best the roommate roommate knows who the person is so guys get asked all the time i always try to talk to the roommates find out what the guy does what time they go to sleep but all sorts of questions you got to know how to ask but when you're asked you have to know how to answer yeah back to that reuben situation now that the rabbi heard the father say oh my daughter will be able to run circles don't you think that's his uh now he should try to stop the from him not necessarily not so not only that when i get asked about a boy sometimes people call me up to ask about a boy in the yeshiva so i'll say is this that any other and once i'll say you want to tell me about the girl now sometimes people will say well tell me yeah no they don't have to because i didn't call them to find out about the girl they called me for a reference if i'd say if i said what about the girl i didn't call you brother that's listen if he's interested he'll ask me is that necessarily a flaw that you have to tell somebody i don't know that it's a flaw that's a flood nobody's perfect everybody's got their flaw this guy's lazy and this one's cunning and this is i don't that's not what's considered a major unless she's robbed banks that's something else i feel like the guy would uh die we're not talking about a bank robber we're talking about somebody who's somebody who's not what you call like different people at different levels i don't think it has that degree if somebody has a history of crime then yes she's not a criminal she's just a little manipulative which most women are to some degree they're somewhere on the chart you know she's just very more manipulative than than average but that's uh that you know that so i don't i don't think so but you should know that it'd say he doesn't even have to tell him that because he doesn't have to tell him because he didn't call him he called somebody calls me for reference if i say you want to tell me about the girl thing guy could say to me no i'm not the shopkin i didn't get involved you have no obligation you called me for character reference that's all okay all right well i have to stop early guys to go do a video but we'll we'll continue tomorrow mr [Music] you