Parshas Noach: Showing Up for Our Children and the World from a Space of Internal Calm

And uh Klein, we could begin. >> Okay, perfect. Anybody? Morning. Good morning. Good morning. >> Thank you. Thank you. >> No, no. I just wanted to make sure uh >> I sent it to the beup. >> Perfect. exactly where the plexiglass is standing. The extender stand has been giving me instructions the last 15. >> Okay. And he'll do start I guess. >> Let me ask him if he can start. >> Tell him to start the stream. >> Okay. >> Oh wow. >> Yes. Yes. Welcome. Thank you for coming. Make yourself comfortable. They come to the front maybe. That's the first We're good. >> Okay, we'll stop hearing it from the speaker. We'll know it stopped recording. Okay. >> Okay. >> So, now we hear it from the speaker, right? >> Okay. But he'll start the stream. Tell him to start the stream. Yeah. >> Start the screen also, please. >> The stream. Stream. >> The screen. The streaming. >> Stream. >> I told the stream. >> Oh, yeah. >> Okay. Perfect. Thank you. Welcome. We're going to begin with a chapter of Tahillim for our brothers and sisters in the Holy Land and all of the soldiers and their families, all of the wounded, all of the berieved. We'll say capitome which is 140 kuf which is also the beginning of Today's Today's the 29th. Okay. 140 Fore Russia's for Welcome everybody. I want to wish everybody uh an amazing and incredible year. Uh gaze vinta as we say a healthy winter and an successful year and your best year ever yet for you and all of your loved ones and all good people in the world. I also want to give a special thanks to all of uh your greetings and a very beautiful gift that uh the class sent to uh the Kala, my son who got engaged in the middle of Sukus and thank you for uh many good wishes and greetings and the friendship and the gift and the gratitude and all of the blessings on behalf of my better half and myself. We truly truly appreciate it. It means so so much. And I want to bless everybody for everybody to be able should be able to celebrate with each other in good health and abundance and revealed blessings and uh the most beautiful way and with open and blissful hearts. And I hope that this year of learning will be an amazing year to be able to learn to internalize and to be able to uh live it viscerally and radiate it to our environment with a lot of and uh may God allow me to uh be a channel for his infinite wisdom and love. Today's class is very very graciously dedicated >> anti-semitism free. What did they say? >> Yeah. >> Okay. Amen. Today's class is very graciously dedicated by Leorasi in honor of my son's engagement. Thank you. Wow. Schnea Almond Jacobson's engagement to Batia Zagwi with heartfelt prayers and good wishes for the Kassen and Kala. also dedicated by Leori with heartful prayers for the swift return of our slain hostages so that they can be returned to the holy land and brought to caver and dedicated also to the yeshiva.net with prayers that you be a eternal channel for Hashem's terra for all of the Jewish people. Thank you so so much for your dedication and friendship in the past and the present and the future and uh we really really appreciate it and amen to all your blessings. Okay, you could see there's one source sheet and uh they're always posted on the yeshiva.net if you ever want to retrieve it later where the classes are also streamed hopefully and uh available for replay as well. The yeshiva.net. The first source is from a prayer that was said on sukus. It's a very interesting as you know every day of sukus there's a section of the davin called hshinus and during the hash basically the people take the lul and the estri and walk around the beimma once and have a very special text in which we ask which means please help. means from the word Yeshua like to help and no means in Hebrew please like please we do it seven times around the beimma and one of those hayas there's a very very interesting prayer you'll see it's your first source or in the tune that it's usually done in most shs translated Please help a soul from panic. Neph means a neph is a soul. The word like means panic, fear, dread, anxiety. So please help out a soul from anxiety from from panic from dread. And we say again hina please help. And uh in these two words literally or these four words hina we have a fundamental prayer because usually most of the prayers is about produce and rain and sustenance and salvation on many different levels. But here is one that deals directly with the person's internal emotion. Not just the environment, not just the world, not just what's happening in the physical terrain around us individually or collectively, but a very internal space called and that's one of the prayers that we say on sukus. And this really opens up opens us up what is this exactly? What does it mean? What is a nephah? What are we asking for? Okay, we'll get back to item. We begin now a new cycle of learning the terra as everybody knows 53 paras in the kish which is read throughout the year. Sometimes the par two of them are connected. We start on and then shabas and then we finish on one year later. The first safer safer beracious has as you could see in the list berious which is 12 sections 12 portions. As we know every portion has a name. You could say the name is just for convenience. It is when you want to identify a person or a thing you have names. It's just much easier. The truth is, however, these are not random names. The names, as always in Yiddish, are very significant. We're going to look now at two portions which would seem to have opposite names. We would think it would have been reversed, but it's not. If you take a look at the first portion, bes, and it makes a lot of sense. The first word of the para is Also in content the beginning it's the beginning it's the beginning of everything borius means the genesis it's called Genesis the book of Genesis so berious is a wonderful name it's the first word of the portion it actually represents the theme great now you come to the second one and if you look in your third source this week's parish how does it begin these are the offspring. These are the children of Noyak. Noyak was a righteous person. He was wholesome in his generations. He walked with Hashem. The name of this week's para is Noyak. It's not the first word of the para. It's the third, right? You see, told us no. Now, why the third word? Why not the first word? The answer would be because a is just an intro word. Ayah just means this, right? It doesn't have a theme in it. And usually the name says something. So we skip the word aah. So we don't have the word aah. Okay. What's the second word of the para? The second word is told us. What's the third word? Noyak. Which name does this para get? The third word. Noyak. Okay. But here's where it becomes a little strange because just in a few weeks we're going to have another para called us. How does that para begin? told us exactly like this is this is and what's the name of that one told us. You see what's unfair over here? This is discrimination against righty should have gotten told us right should have gotten remember told us told us who comes first. You're giving the second word and the third word noyak should have gotten the second word told us he comes first and then paras should have gotten the third word yitzk which would also have been very nice to have a para named for yitzk right nothing wrong was a great man he's a second one of our patriarchs our make a lot of sense so we would have berious told us I know it sounds funny today we never heard of a para called but that's just because it never happen that way. If you look at the other paras for example, rightem, it's not the first word, which means he said, so I could get that. There's no theme there. Hashem, we don't name that. We don't do that either for whatever reason. It goes to vra is again the first word. Ver love Hashem. is the second word but is not really a thematic name told us we just discussed is the first word he left he sent he dwelt is the end the first word she approached him and so all of these we could appreciate when it comes to though there is something perplexing here because noyak is the second para and gets the third word is later and it gets the second word and if you really want to be fear it almost seems like something is interesting here that noyak should have gotten the second word and to should have gotten the third word they both begin the same way again you don't want to use the word a for whatever reason because there's no theme there just means this now we can't name one para two paras with the same name it would be very confusing so I understand we can't name them both told us cuz then when you say paras told us we don't know what you're talking about so we need to differentiate but if you're already differentiating right so if we were if any anyone here was appointed on a committee to choose names for the paras I know you weren't appointed on their committee at least not consciously unconsciously I don't know but consciously none of us were but if you were on a committee to decide and they asked you we have no we have told us they both begin exactly the same told us we have to differentiate. We have two words we can use either the word told us or the word after that. What would anybody say? Let get the told us and let told us get the noyak comes first let it get the second word. Told us comes afterwards let it get the third word. What happened is that's not what happens. Noyak gets the second word. Noak gets the >> the third word and told us gets gets gets the second word. Now somebody might say what's the big deal? These are just names. They're random. You just need a name. So you called it you called it. You called it Teldus. Who cares? It's just an identifying feature to be able to know what we're talking about. But that's not the case because these names weren't chosen randomly. They were chosen by great people, great sages, Israel who were extremely meticulous and precise. What is more, these names were accepted by Jews literally all over the world universally. It becomes like a minis which we say who our sages say a min of the Jewish people has the status of. The BMP teaches that even what happens to a leaf, a seemingly random leaf that falls off a tree is significant. The way the leaf rolls and where it ends up is part of the orchestrated divine >> caligri. >> Okay. Wow. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. >> Okay. Very good. Okay. Part of very detailed orchestrated divine providence known as Ashka and that's true even with a leaf. Certainly something that's part of some certainly something that was accepted by the entire Jewish nation as part of the Jewish calendar and as part of the way we refer to Tyra and it has become sanctified and hallowed by our people for hundreds or thousands of years. There's certainly something significant about it. Especially when we think about a name in Kesh the the sages teach us that names in Hebrew are not random. They actually describe the essence of something. Hashem asked Adam to name all the animals. And this is how he proved his wisdom versus the angels because the names were basically describing the spiritual and inner chemistry the spiritual physics of each animal of each insect of each reptile or bird that Adam names and parishes. The garra says used to be very very sensitive to people's names. He saw the name a lot. That's why when somebody is ill they'll sometimes add a name at the because a name is like a channel of energy. The name is a channel for their energy. So that means it's also not only true with with with objects, it's also true with paras. So the names are significant. Besides all of this, as we said on the most basic level, if anybody rational to make a decision, it seems that the order would have been different. Now it seems like a small thing, not so consequential. But in Yiddish, what we often see is it's very hot here. No. >> Okay. So is always the name in the first sentence of the par. >> Yeah. So we know that the name is always in the first sentence. But you could see clearly that it's significant because for example could have been named. It's not named a right. It's named even though a comes first. And we see here with no told that it's not just randomly chosen. That means there is some rhythm here. There is some inner inner system here. One of the very fascinating things about Yiddish is the claw and the pratt sometimes a very small what would seem like a negligible detail that doesn't seem very significant holds the key to very deep cosmic truths and it's not a contradiction because if everything is connected to infinite oneness so the smallest detail reflects the greatest truths just like the largest truths. One of the fascinating things is that we learn today in our generations is in physics is that the structure of our constellation and galaxies in outer space that is so incredible is literally replicated in the structure of the atom which is so invisible and microscopic in physical matter. that structure of the nucleus and it has then that which revolves around the nucleus. So the small the prat and the cl the individual detail and the the cosmic largeness and the largeness that we see in the cosmic system reflect each other and the reason is because in the presence of infinity the smallest and the greatest all come together and that's why sometimes in one little small detail it's like in DNA the DNA which is the blueprint for any living organism the sequence of the letters of the chemicals is so significant you don't say it's just a small tiny detail. It's not only the devil, as they say, lives in the details, but God himself lives in the details, it seems, because if one would try to change a little sequence in DNA, it the results can be catastrophic. Even though you say, "What's the big deal?" It just seems random. But it's not random. And that's why sometimes from these small little reflections, though it looks like, you know, stop obsessing, but it's not an obsession. And it's an opening to th the truth that these small things carry within themselves the DNA of existence. And this too is not is not an exception. I was a yeshiva ber in 1991. It's a couple of years ago. Still a baby, but then I was a bigger baby. Uh I don't know if that was the right choice of words, but you get it. I'm still young, but I was even younger than right. That's not unusual. No. So uh this was in 1991. It was paras told us the end of 91 the se paras told us to nun bay that's 5752 which was the end of 1991. I had the privilege of growing up at the feet of the lab in Brooklyn and in those years also to be one of what's known as the one of the oral scribes who would transcribe his talks on shabas overflow. Okay. Wow. Okay. Welcome. Welcome to our uh new stage. Okay. It's time for expansion or moving already. >> Barashem. Okay. Make yourselves comfortable. We already have a makita. That's a good sign, right? Or a breakaway minion. What is this? A breakaway minion. >> Okay. There's a new flow. >> The women section. Okay. So uh I had the privilege of transcribing the Reb's talks then Shabas and Yam was a team known as oral scribes and it was three times that week of paras that the rebbis spoke and each time he addressed this question again. It was Monday. It was actually the convention of the and he asked this question and then it was again Thursday and then Shabas paras told us and uh he gave an answer to this question and uh I was there it's many years already the Gmorra says that sometimes it takes 40 years for a student to truly grasp the depth of what their teacher was saying. We learned this out from Paris told the Jewish people, God has not given you a heart to perceive, eyes to see, and ears to hear until today. And the Gmorrah says, "Really? Mosha was talking at the 40th year. He's been teaching them for 40 years." So Rabb says that it takes four decades for a student to grasp the depth of what their teacher was saying. It was there but the person needs to learn it for 40 years until they can grasp it. I heard it then but I recently went back to it almost 40 years later. 33 years uh 33 or 34 years later and I think I understood a new depth in the explanation to this what would seem not such consequential comment and yet really very profound because it seems that this very question told us and the Reb's answer to it really opens up a vista to a very deep reflection about life that I think today I can't say it's more relevant than ever but it seems quite relevant and for this we need to understand one little introduction and that is that is infinite says that every in every mitzvah in terra has 600,000 interpretations in 600,000 interpretations in 600,000 interpretations in 600,000 interpretations in we know that has different layers of understanding it is the literal is the homalytical dush are all the interconnections and soy is the mystical, the esoteric and each layer is real. It's significant. It's just like any physical object has so many layers of interpretation. I could look at something and then I could use a microscope and then I could use a better microscope and there's so many different layers of reality and they're all true and they complement each other and they're all part of one holistic reality. So theel says in each one of the four pares which means a garden is the 600,000. Why? Because every soul has its own interpretation and there's 600,000 collective souls. Now you say that doesn't make sense. How can that be? And really the answer is because it comes from a source that's infinite and because it's infinite. So even 600,000 is just a number and it's deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper. As the says the is longer than the size of the earth and broader than the size of the sea of the ocean. So therefore everything can be deciphered and unraveled on many many different layers physically and spiritually and emotionally and psychologically and re and s and here too this noldis perplexing issue has within it a hint a rem and like everything in it's nitk it's timeless even though it happened so many years ago these names but it still remains means extremely timeless and relevant. And the message here is you had a choice of two portions. One of them had to get the name Telus. One of them had to get another name. It would have made sense that the first one should get Telus, the second one should get. But the order was intentionally obviously reversed. The first one got the second one got told us. And there's a profound message here and that is you cannot have told us before Noyak. You cannot have the concept the name the reality of Teldus without Noyak must come first and Teldus must come second. And therefore even though in the order of the PK it has to be reversed that's fine. So that the name forever is and then only after a few weeks do we get to but what does this mean? The word told us everybody knows means what does mean generations children offspring like we say told us told us told us the word told is connected to the word it's birth told us is always the continuation the next generation right you have an av and a you have a prototype a parent and then the child is called offspring descendants children. That's the first that's the meaning of let's come to the word. What does the word mean? >> Relaxed. Serenity. Peace. Easiness. Did I just make up a word? No. Easiness. Right. >> Ease. Okay. Thank you. I'm going to be I'm going to go easy with that and with myself. We even have the word noyak in another context. If you remember in McGillis Esther, you have it here in your source. In McGillis Esther, we have the word quite a few times with it says they fought a war in Shushan. They fought a war not only on the 13th of 14th. And when did they rest? On the 15th, which is why we have Shushur or it says they rested from their enemy. So no represents the end of conflict, the cessation of war. We even have it in the word shabas in your next source. It says in everybody knows this hashem rested on the seventh day. If you look in you have it here in your next source. What does say again? He uses the word which is connected to the word. So the Aramaic translation of Shabas which everybody knows means rest, tranquility, serenity is like we call it Shabas right the medish in the beginning of emphasizes this very emphatically. The Medish says, you look in your next source, the third to the last source, Medish Rabbi Paraka told us. And he says, why does it have to say twice? It should have said just say and move on. And the med says like this there was means there was serenity, there was easiness, there was peace for him and for the world. There was peace for the parents and peace for the children. there was peace for the higher reality and for the lower reality. So means that there's a double portion a double dosage of of serenity. So we have the concept of tldis as children and noyak means serenity. come the names of the parisha and teach us something very profound and that is before you have told us you first need to have before I can engage in the work of Teldus which means raising children first I need to cultivate what's called noyak which means serenity it's true with two types of teldas there are biological tdas and there are spiritual tlddas bi biological told us. We all know what that means. I don't have to explain it to this room. That means the children we give birth to, the children we raise, the children we impact, and we biologically give birth to them or raise them or both. And then of course, there's also the spiritual told us. If you look in the next source, Rashi says, and the question is, you should right away tell us who his children are. Don't tell me that he's at saddic. I want to know who his are. Rashi says, Sadikim the primary told us of sadikim of good people are their good deeds which means there are two types of children. There are the physical children of course the physical but whenever you impact somebody even if you didn't physically give birth to them that's also a child. Every good deed you put into the world that's a child. The people we touch, the people we ignite, the people we inspire, the people whose souls and hearts and sparks, we help kindle, those are all spiritual children. The Gmorrah says when you teach somebody, it's a it's a form of birth because there's physical birthing and there's spiritual birthing. Sometimes there's birthing a new emotion, birthing a new soul, birthing a new awareness, birthing a new lease of life. I once asked uh somebody who's a big healer. I said, "What do you do?" This person says, "I'm involved in the work of I try to resurrecting the dead." I'm like, "Wow." Okay. There's different forms of birthing and even if it's sometimes a small thing but it's basically the productions the the fruits that we bearer there's physical fruits and then there's the emotional fruits and spiritual fruit that's what is saying my the light that you plant in the world those are told us they continue after us they have an impact whether it's people that we impact the world we impact in one form or another those are spiritual told us amen Ah so now when we have two names and we would think the first one should be Teldus and the later one should be the first one should be told us and maybe shouldn't even have a name. So these names which themselves have deep remas are teaching us something at least it's a rem it's a hint and the hint is for told us and that's how this system works because if you look what's the name of the first para batious what does berious mean the beginning the genesis it's the beginning of everything everything starts all over again what's the second name noyak serenity so after the batious The second step right away is and then after that a few weeks later we can come to on a very practical level very often we can engage in told us without what does this mean we can raise children grandchildren students disciples with pressure with stress with anxiety with guilt with shame, with a heavy, with a heavy heaviness. There's so much to do. There's so much to accomplish. There's so many duties. There's so many obligations. There's homework. There's chores. And so on and so forth just to keep up with what it's what we call living a successful normal productive life could be a real real challenge or at least an endless pressure. So actually the motus operendo is no you have nothing to do with your life. You're not going to sit on a couch and sip on iced coffee on me. Some people have that inner voice. This is what you were created for. You know what has to get done in this house? You know what it takes. What are you a couch potato? What are you a spoiled brat? That's some of you are like nodding. I don't know why but okay. I'm not going to I'm not going to sit and analyze that. But think about it. So this is sometimes very counterintuitive that actually the most important prerequisite is the most important prerequisite is an inner sense of that by reversing what we call reversing the yerus by reversing the names is teaching us something fundamental noyak precedes all right after bacious comes noyak if I want to days. Healthy children, happy children, balanced children, God willing, normal children who love themselves and love people, who love God and love humanity, who can love others and be in meaningful deep relationships, wise and sensitive, perceptive, and yet also firm and confident with fear of Hashem, love of Hashem. What's the prerequisite before? A sense of calmness, a sense of inner peace, what we call soul, serenity in the soul and serenity in the body. That's why it's there's serenity in the mind, but the nervous system is absolutely chaotic and disregulated. So there's no in my higher reality and in my lower reality. Sometimes in my higher consciousness I can have ser serenity but the bottom line is in my body I'm a mess. I'm a complete mess. So there's two here and the same is true with spiritual told us if I'm involved in doing good deeds generating spiritual children generating mitzvah but it's coming from a place of deep pressure and anxiety and guilt. We undermine our efforts. we actually defeat the purpose and we sometimes create something much more external superficial rather than something deep and enduring. The more a person can go inward and work on their own inner serenity no youras become so much more successful because there's a deep space of serenity that fuels it from a deeper place. You know I was once telling a member I told him that he should that I I was suggesting certain changes of life patterns. So he told me I don't have time you know you know how busy I am. So I told I gave him a little metaphor. I said imagine you're driving a patient to a hospital. God forbid somebody needs emergency care and the one near you tells you there's no gas in the ambulance. We have to stop for gas. And you say I don't have time to stop for gas because this is an urgent situation. And you know the end of the story, the ambulance broke down on the highway and nothing happened. Filling up gas is not called luxury. I'm spoiled. Uh I'm taking away from my responsibility. It's the opposite. It's what allows you to help the people you help. So the toddlers then are completely completely different. Instead of investing in the eggs, invest in the chickens. Sometimes I'm busy with more eggs, more I need another egg, another egg, another egg. But now the chicken is dead. But if I cultivate the mother of the eggs, pun intended, that's not called narcissism. Think about the eggs, you lazy slam. Stop thinking about yourself. There's eggs to produce. Where do you think these eggs are coming from, genius? And if the hen is being fed toxicity, what do you think the eggs are going to look like? What do you think the eggs are going to taste like? You want good eggs. Don't think about the eggs. Think about the hen. You understand my brilliant Marshall? Isn't that a good mush? >> Yes. When you start thinking about the hen, you have much better eggs. The eggs are happier. The eggs are galdic. They're gmach. They give you the protein you need. You don't need cheesecake and pizza and all the khazer. Yeah. Wow. >> What did it come at expense of? I don't know if you want to share. >> Oh, wow. Wow. >> Oh, wow. >> Wow. Masletoough. Okay. >> Of course. I understand. And there's a woman who sent me an email yesterday that she's traveling here from another country. Um I think it's next week or two weeks. She says her daughter's wedding is around here on Tuesday. So she decided to come in the morning to the Shir on the day of the wedding. So like I was like you know her right? Okay. I said she should introduce herself. So we and I wish you a deep prayer. That's the deep prayer. You see, it's counterintuitive because what I need to do right now is so urgent and it's real. It's not like it's fake things. It's like we need to produce eggs. There's so many things to get done. It's not fake. It's not in my imagination. So, intuitively, you say just get to your responsibilities. But what we often don't understand is that that's going to be exactly as deeply powerful as where it's coming from. The moment you start investing in the source of it all and that's what you get cultivated automatically the energy we radiate is a completely different energy. The tois is completely transformed. So on sukus we say one of the worst things for a soul is when it's in a state of bah panic. It's overwhelmed. It's anxious. Baha but what do you mean there's so there's so many things of course I should be anxious what am I crazy so that's what we have to really understand in other words it's very nice to say this but what am I supposed to do relinquish and abandon and become neglectful and become apathetic like some other people I know nothing gets done and then they completely completely relinquish all their obligations and duties I would feel horribly guilty it's going to be much more stressful and that's why intuitively We say of course let the neph be bah the more panic the better even sometimes coping mechanism is the more anxiety the more you produce right somebody once told me if I'm relaxed I'm not going to do anything you have to trust yourself that it's the other way around when you're relaxed you won't do things that are counterintuit counterproductive when relaxed people actually do things from a much deeper space what they actually really want to connect to and it's sometimes very heart especially if I learned to get my validation from my productions from my toddlers. So now that's the place I go to. Moore told us, Mo told us, Mo told us sometimes people become workaholics. Guy once told me he spends 18 hours a day in the office. He says, "I need to prove to all the people that work there how much they need me." That's what he told me. I need to prove to them how much they need me. That's the thing. And it could happen on so many so many different levels. And sometimes I'm even involved in righteous things. Like it's not like it's good things. It's told us it's mas but is it a distraction in order to compensate for a very deep void and then actually it's much more skin deep the impact is much more skin deep because it's rattled with anxious energy or it comes from a very very deep place of of and that's what we say honor save my soul from going into that space of panic, of confusion, of anxiety, of complete disregulation. The person who remains anchored in their center is is is is living in a different space and the light that this person radiates is a completely different type of light. who is not attracted to a heart that is serene. There may be a storm but we know the eye of the storm is very very peaceful. In the storms of our life, can you lean into the eye of your storm? I pun intended. There's the eye as the eye and there's the eye as the eye. That eye, the mish has it together. It's not flustered. It's not overwhelmed. Even if there's a lot a lot of things to do, it's a very very deep place of silence. It's like a meditative place of mama. Look how significant this is. Really the worst name for this para is what's the whole para about >> a flood. Really that's your name for a flood? You have no better name. That's what you call serenity to such serenity. Let's read the story. We're expecting we're going to read a story about this guy who lived in bliss, some island at the Riviera with his wife and children and the world was perfect. It was gavaldic. Instead, it's like the worst catastrophe cataclysmic on an absolute level. Really, this is the talk about a name that doesn't represent the essence. But that's exactly the point because it's to be you know in heaven the real idea of is I have what to panic about. Of course I can go into panic and if you're more sensitive and you're more spiritual and you're more open it says in mish people who have more das feel more pain. You know if I'm more superficial things could be easier the less superficial you are. Anybody relates? Okay, you know, you could start seeing things unraveling. It becomes very very complex and that's when the person really needs to master the and especially when there's often it's it's it's it happens often because sometimes >> how does it work with a diamond being produced under pressure? Like how do we >> Good good question. You mean the pearls, the oysters? line is a lot of times under pressure the best payers come out under duress. >> Right. Right. Right. Okay. Very good. The best example for this with you see I always see this is in when you read and especially if you don't understand the Hebrew it's good sometimes to read in English to understand what Malik says. You see that this person's life was extremely extremely tumultuous. Surrounded by enemies, persecuted by enemies, often in danger, physical danger, emotional danger. And he describes it so vividly. He does not deny anything. He doesn't repress anything. It's so vivid. It's so visceral. I mean how he describes his pain and his challenges and the people he's dealing with and the suffering he's going through but then in one moment there's a in in in 131 has an expression it's almost like over there he he conveys his secret says there's a part of me That's shi that's very very uh what's the word shvisi >> settled >> settled settled >> there's a silence do very very silent my soul feels like a gamul gamul is an infant who's nursing in the bosom of its mother you could see the face of the infant after it finished nursing you know that calmness the infant knows about no issues in the whole world all I know is I got my milk. And now I'm waiting for the burp and for the nap. And after the burp, it's even better cuz now it's just a nap. At least another half an hour until your life gets turned over again, upended. Really, this is how you felt. He wasn't one month old anymore. He was a king. He was a leader. He had a lot on his plate. It was not simple. But that means that he knew how to go into a specific place where he was like a child in the bosom of Hashem. Always. This is a space where the frequency of surrender meets the frequency of faith meets the frequency of trust meets the frequency of serenity and the frequency of bliss. It's very easy to lose it because I can go into panic and it makes sense and I have good reasons and I have a checklist and there's around 399 things to do and the cleaning lady did not show up. You know those days and your teenagers are both having an attitude and your nine-year-old decided to become a teenager on you and your seven-year-old also decided to become a teenager this morning. So the ceiling is falling in, everything else is falling in. And you said you're going to make a braas tonight, which you anyway didn't want to, but you were guilted into it by your sister-in-law. And as a result of that, it's one of those days. And we're not going to talk about your mother-in-law told you this morning and what somebody else told you this morning. I can go into that space and this justification. And there are duties and there are responsibilities. I can't just run away to New Zealand and neglect my family. Beloved though is teaching us this is the before the told us. It's checking in. It's checking into that space and it's nurturing it. And a person needs to know what they need in order to be able to come home back to their anchor, back to their essence, back to their soul and not feel guilty about it. And that's why no is basically give your heart peace. Give it that gift. that space where there's no jealousy, where there's no negative competitiveness, where there's no fear and panic and dread and overwhelming. I don't have to copy anybody. I don't have to impress anybody. I'm not living for other people. It's not about what other people are going to think. A very deep place of as we said in sometimes mothers, fathers can know this well if they're self-aware. A child will turn to mommy and say, "Mommy, why are you so anxious? Why are you so upset? Why are you so terrified? Why are you so angry?" And the mother will simply say, "I'm not angry. I'm not angry." I once heard a child ask his mother, "Why are you screaming? Why are you screaming?" The mother said, "I'm not screaming." Who was right? She wasn't screaming, but inside she was hollering. Her thunder was so loud that it had to remain silent. Her body was screaming. Her energy was screaming. And children are so sensitive to this. So instead of going to told this, why do you say I'm screaming? I'm not screaming. as somebody once screamed, which means the words of the wise are are heard with are heard with serenity. I always want to go into that heartbeat of noyak noyak whenever I'm giving before I'm teaching a class before I'm educating my child before I'm giving whatever I'm giving in any field in every area physically emotionally spiritually intellectually socially am I approaching it from a space of or am I supposeding I'm I'm approaching it from a place of bahala and somehow I'm just going to do it from that space in order to get it done but it's far far more compromised It's far far more superficial. The truth is it's not easy. It's not easy because for this we need a lot of inner awareness and also a lot of inner work. For this I need to be able to know how to handle my thoughts. I need to know how to handle my paradigms. I need to know how to handle my framing things, the way I frame things. Most importantly, my templates. What are my templates? Our inner mental chatter. What does that look like? If a person doesn't know about their in inner mental chatter, if we don't become friends with all of the parts in us, then instead of us having control, they just take control over the sandbox and can drive us crazy and then we are just victims. Victor Frankl Jew from Vienna student of Freud Awitz survivor once said between stimuli and response there is a tiny little space it's like a millisecond and it's in that space where choice lives and it's in that choice that all human freedom exists in it's that tiny little choice there's stimuli somebody just said something somebody just did I could react right away from my old template Either I implode or explode. Either I go into fight or flight or freeze or fawn or whatever the response is. There's a template response. It's ready. The neural pathways have been treaded upon and been cultivated for 53 years, 43 years, 33 years, whatever it is. There's a ready highway. My neural pathways know exactly where to go. Guilt is a great one. Blame myself. tell myself that the more I hold back, I'll get more alamhaba and therefore I'll kill my soul and destroy myself. Whatever it is, everyone in their own way with the templates that we use and the result is that a part of me is either dead or angry or resentful or just checked out or disassociated. So that response comes with a millisecond break of actually awareness very deep awareness and then the power of making a choice. Now why is this so important? It's so important because this is really where freedom exists. You know we're so used to blaming others and it's a very normal thing. If only this person was different. If only this person lived in a different space, my life would be easier. And you can't say that that's a lie. Sometimes it's true. Our relationships affects us affect us deeply. But we often don't realize that I can live my entire life projecting my stuff on other people rather than really really looking inward internally and going to places that are very very uncomfortable asking myself what just happened inside of me? what just triggered me? And especially sometimes religious people can be less self-aware because they have God to blame for their emotions. Why am I angry? My childhood in Davin, why are you at the Shabas table? And right away I bring in yiddeshkite religion. So I don't have to be self-aware. And sometimes I can get so frustrated and instead of holding up a mirror to what's happening internally, I'm basically like if you would do this and you would do this and you would do this. Now it's a delicate balance because we do want to educate and discipline is a beautiful thing and relationships are so so important. Toldness is critical but after because if not it just becomes a deflection. It becomes a distraction. it becomes an excuse not to look internally and my internal life is a complete mess with a lot a lot of anxiety and I'm blaming the people around me and this is where a person needs to be really really honest about themselves and ask before my children am I really a happy person is your relationship with Hashem making you blissful and if not don't look at anybody else. This is a real question. Do you have genuine self-love? Do you like yourself? Am I going to live my life vicariously through other people and wait for them to tell me that I'm a good person? And if I see my success with Martelis, I could say, "Oh, my nakas machine is working." And let's understand this that today the youth is extremely sensitive to this. You know, people often I mean, you've heard this from me more than once. I'm going to give you now my little blasphemy here. People like to say that the youth today is spoiled and rotten and narcissistic and often I think it's the opposite. They're actually very sensitive and they feel very very swiftly when their parents or teachers or educators are actually communicating from a place of rage from a place of am I right it's not so blasphemous right from a place of discontentment from a place of a lot a lot of inner guilt and shame yeah I said a sukus a woman told me that uh it's not such a funny story but I just was plotting because I don't know for me was very very funny. This woman was telling me how uh her daughter shared basically her daughter was going away to seminary and she came to say goodbye to her grandmother. This woman's mother-in-law, this woman husband's mother, she came to say goodbye to her grandmother and all her friends came to the house to say goodbye before she was going to the airport. And they were all crying and this girl who was traveling was hugging them and they were crying and hugging and this woman says, "My mother-in-law," the grandmother of this girl turns to all these girls and says, "That's the problem with this generation." So her grandmother says, "What?" She says, "You're all so busy feeling you can't get anything done." You're all so busy feeling you can't get anything done. That was her comment. The woman says, "I was triggered terribly by my mother-in-law." Okay. I said, "What about your daughter?" My daughter was laughing. She's like, "Bubby, you're hilarious." Bubby, you're hilarious. >> All right. I said, so I said, "Why the difference?" She says, "Cuz I suffer from this. My grand my daughter already doesn't deal with this." >> But it was such an interesting comment in many ways. What his grandmother was saying is, "I love you and I want you to do what I did." What I did was, I knew if I'm going to be busy feeling, I won't get anything done. So, we shut down a certain part and we get things done. And the less you feel, the safer you are, the safer everybody around you, quote unquote, will be, the more productive you'll be, everybody will have what they need, life will move on, and you'll be happier also. I asked this woman, "Did it work in the family?" And she said to me something so wise. She said, "The less my mother-in-law could feel, the more all of us felt her stress." She was trying to save us from uncomfortable feelings. But her shutting down all her feelings cause us all to feel constantly how miserable she is. It was a very profound perception. She was actually trying to protect her family. Feelings can be painful. They're painful. There's a reason we say show up. Don't become a zombie and a robot sitting in therapy for 99 years. My mother, my sister, my father, my this, my that. Get on with your life. A lot of speeches you'll hear, just think positively and do well and focus on the goal and have beautiful words, but sometimes with terrible, terrible bypassing. And the ones who rejected it are those who are sensitive and they're like I don't want to shut down my heart in relationships. When you're living in a generation before gula a relationship means full holistic heartto-heart intimate open. But for that I need to be able to feel all the blockages also. What is blocking this bliss? Why is there no bliss? Couldn't be better. But the Holocaust, we need it. >> Yeah. Yeah. I'm not Every word I say is without an ounce. I I at least I try. I can't tell you at all. I'm not a saint. But it's without judgment. It's without judgment. Not only because I understand it. Because when there is a lot of pain, one needs to sometimes shut down at least somewhat. It's a very very amazing coping mechanism and survival skill. I once heard from the famous herbist Rabbi Shiman Russell. He told me that there was once a family and the kids were struggling and he was talking to the parents and he asked the father if he ever um feels love to his children and expresses it. So he says to the therapist he says in our family we have a shittita. You know what a shittita means right? We have a divine theological approach and philosophy that we don't say I love you. He said that's a shittita in the family. So uh Russell told me he says I told him I said it's called the holocaust. You don't have to turn it into a shittita. >> It's a tragedy. It's a tragedy. You don't have to make a tragedy into a shittita. Yeah. In other words, it's a tragedy where when there is so much pain, a major coping mechanism is don't feel too much. And even if you're going to feel, it should be a little bit. And your brain should control what you're feeling. Feel more other people's pain cuz that works. And you can vicariously live through them. Sometimes you'll read a novel and you'll cry for like a day straight from other people's stories. But internally there's a little wall or a thick wall that depends on every survival mechanism. And the ones who feel it most are children and students because they feel our nervous system. They don't only feel our conscious, they feel our subconscious. They know when their heart is open. I once heard from a mother something also very profoundly emotional. And she told me, she said, "I would rather stand in the kitchen for 3 hours every night, cook up the best dinners for my children rather than sit with them and play and look them in the eyes." I said, "Why? Why?" And she said, "Because when I'm making the potatoes and the kougal and the chicken and the meatballs and the spaghetti and the kale salads and the spinach salads and the mango salads, they don't need my heart." So I actually feel I'm giving to my children without a heart and it works. There was so much awareness in that. I'm standing there and if somebody says I'm not having mysterious my children I am. They have good dinners when they come home. I didn't have that when I came home. I had to look in the refrigerator for food. My kids will never tell you that they didn't have dinner. They had clean clothes. They had good food at a nice home. has nothing to do. >> No, no, this woman supper is amazing. I know her. Amazing. Gavaldic, right? But and and but this came from a lot of work. She said, "But that way I don't have to give my heart." So I asked her, "What do you think your children need much more? You think they need the most amazing supper, which is an incredible thing to have, by the way, or they need their mother's heart and their father's heart? What do you think they really need more? And of course, we all understand the answer. Not that food is not important and that there shouldn't be dinner and there shouldn't be clean clothes. Of course, there should. But what often happens is it's easy sometimes to run away to those places where I'm tak doing good things. I'm nurturing my family. I'm there. But there's no need for I'm not really giving my heart and sometimes I don't know how to do it. It's very, very hard to do. And because life is so stressful and because life has so much responsibility, we can get away I don't want to say with murder but we can get away with living in self-denial where this told us and more told us and more told and more told us and everything is taken care of skillfully and professionally. So we are basically party planners for our kids. We are amazing party planners who know how to run the house that just flew in. I don't know how it we're amazing and it's amazing. But the deepest thing which I can give is nayak which is a regulated nervous system that allows the other person to become regulated and really learn who they are internally. That's a secret energy that can't be replaced by anybody or anything else. But this requires internal avoid a lot of internal awareness. If I would speak personally I suffer from anxiety. I work on it constantly, but I suffer from anxiety from a very, very young age. When I was a young kid, I started to pull the hair out of my head. I didn't know why. In those days, it wasn't customary to go to a therapist. Today, if you don't go to a therapist, like, what's wrong with you? Like, what's going on? Are you really so messed up? And this, right? But, uh, I didn't know about looking inward. It took me a lot of years to figure it out, but it was my body. It was my body's uh expression of a very deep anxiety and late and and it continued for many many years. And I pulled up my beard. I took a lot of inner work which I still have to do. It's not you don't snap your finger of trying to tune into that seeing what is happening inside. What are the responses? And it's a very very deep pain. And many of us have it on so many different levels. And sometimes you can't just tell a person, you know, change your thoughts. Like just think positive. I've done all that. Get involved in good things. I was involved in a lot of good things. At least I tried. Sometimes that's amazing advice, but sometimes it's like almost a debok. It's like an internal. There was somebody who told me, a friend of mine, and I related to it so much. He said that whenever he would play with his children outside, there was a message that came into his brain right then to make him feel miserable. It was almost like a duk like there something like it was always like, "Oh, you're not you don't really mean it. You should be learning now. You're wasting your time. Your your kids know that you're not enjoying it." Whatever it was, he went on vacation with them and right away, you know, they come to the most beautiful place and there's this inner energy. it's a waste of time and they they don't even look they're not even interested in playing with you always to like like deplete his energy and literally snuff out the soul of the experience. He did crazy crazy work, crazy journeys and crazy work. Cuz sometimes if people don't have this debilitating anxiety, they don't know what it is. They're like just do good things. Now sometimes the best advice is get involved in good things, stop thinking about yourself, uh become a do volunteer with these are sometimes very but sometimes people have debilitating anxiety and it does not help that other people don't understand it. Unfortunately, I understand it very well internally. That's why I have a lot of empathy towards this. So, you know, you could say noyak, you know, just become serene and, you know, I don't know, go to the gym, take a walk, spoil yourself, watch a Rabbi Y clip, or if you want a Trump clip, I don't know what's more entertaining for you. He's more unpredictable even than me. And uh keeps you on your feet. And sometimes it could be as simple as that. And certainly schedule and exercises and eating habits and interactions are very, very essential for this. I know for me and probably for most of us or for all of us. But we really have to be sensitive to the fact that it's not just always a snap of the finger. Sometimes the templates of anxiety are very very deep. We don't know what means. We don't know what means. And we do things we learn and we dab and we say and we ask Hashem to help us and we're doing all the right things and it doesn't help. And deep deep inside you have to be very honest with yourself. How much anxiety is there in my heart? What are my kids? Because my kids are picking it up, consciously or unconsciously. And this is the deal. Whatever we don't acknowledge and deal with, our children will be dealing with. It's not easy to say and not easy to hear. But children basically manifest all the parts of the parents that are fragmented. The parts in us that are unresolved and are fragmented, our children will manifest and we could go there to them and start slapping them for help. And sometimes that's necessary. But the biggest thing you have to do at that moment is ask yourself, what are they fragment? What are they manifesting inside of me that I never dealt with? It's not an easy question. It's very easy. Just take them to a professional. Yeah. Give them some medicine or whatever it is. Shine nas. And then it happens to the next child and then the next child and then the one who was the most sensitive and the most spiritual is really falling apart. So now you can say, "Okay, the whole system is corrupt. Let's just nuke everybody. The only place I don't want to go to is inside myself." And I know why. It's not an easy place to deal with. It's much easier to go here and there and point fingers at everybody. And there may be truth to what I'm saying rather than going into the templates that I have already covered over with a lid and shelf a long time ago. I think I shared with you once a story. There was a Jew whom I had the privilege of knowing. His name was Rabbanak Mendel Futafas. He was aid from the Soviet Union. He helped Jews get out of Russia after the war with forged passports. His wife and child got out and he was caught and he was sent to the gulag for around 10 years till Stalin's death. He suffered terribly. He was a wise man, very intelligent person, a big heart. And he got out of Russia in the 1960s. So he was already an older man and he would come to New York. He would come to visit the Reba Fatish. So he would he loved fabbranging with young people and he shared a lot of wisdom and he would share stories from Siberia. He's there 10 years in the gula. There was nothing to do there. It was nothing to do. And he had a lot of stories. He was a very perceptive person. And he once shared something incredible in his barrack. I wasn't there when he shared the story but they repeated it from him. Shikageros in his barrack at night there was nothing to do with lights out and you had to go to sleep and this is Siberia most people died you know Stalin killed close to 50 million people many of them in the gulag Stalin killed more people than Hitler to survive Siberia I don't know if you know Siberia it could be 70 below zero certain places of Siberia and you're talking about people who hard labor malnutrition Not enough clothes. It's crazy what people went through. Like what we hear now of the hostages. Unbelievable. Anyway, Mendel says one night in the barrack, one of the laws were you were not allowed to play cards. This was a no no. But in his barrack there were a bunch of Russians and they had a card game and they played. But whenever the Nachalnik, the warden came, they hid the cards and he never found it. So nobody was punished because if you were caught playing cards, you could be in solitary confinement, etc. Then he says one time they were playing cards. Suddenly they hear footsteps. Of course they hide the cards. The warden comes into the barrack and he says, "I know you're playing cards. That's it. I'm done. I'm going to do a search now." And it wasn't like there were safes and cabinets and closets. No, this is a barrack in Siberia. There was nowhere to put anything. So he starts searching for the cards and the menless thing. He himself never played cards. He wasn't part of that. But he thought, "Okay, that's it." And the guy is searching and searching and cursing. I'm not going to tell you the curse words in Russia, but they're much better than English and even Yiddish. And he's cursing them and he couldn't find them. And he leaves and he said, "I'm still going to get you." The moment he leaves, they close the door, they lock the door, the cards come out, they start playing again. Ramen was perplexed. So the next day, he goes over to uh, you know, the guy over there and he says, "You have to tell me your secret. How did you get away with murder?" And he says this Russian bulvan looks at him and says listen listen futas in Russian I trust you so I'm going to tell you the secret but if you tell one person with my hands I will destroy you I will murder you with my bare hands and he can do it said I won't tell anybody years years later he said it already in Brooklyn years later it was fine and he said the person he tell the person says I'll tell you we have here the best pickpocketer of Moscow When the nach pickpocket the nach comes in, we give him the cards and he slips it into the pocket of the warden. The guy checks everywhere. There's only one place he doesn't check, his own pocket. >> And the moment he's about to leave, this pickpocketer slips it out and we continue the game. And that's why he never caught us. Rendel would turn to the boys and he would say, "Bakim, people are searching for their cards in everybody else's pocket. There's only one place they don't search for it, in their own pocket, and that's where the cards are." Yet when it comes viscerally in life, viscerally in life, it becomes difficult because there are so many things around us. It is so easy to get distracted. Let's face it, the people around us are not perfect besides my wife. But most people around us, am I right, Gy? Yes. Okay. Thank you. Most people are not perfect. We're flawed and the people around us are flawed. And yet yet the real fortitude, real power is that ability to be able to truly truly look internally. What is happening here? And is my entire bliss on life dependent on others? And if Yiddish is real and godliness is real and my soul is real, why is that relationship not alive? The relationship with God only begins when other people are following this particular path. What about an internal internal deep connection with yourself? That's where it counts. That's where it happens. And you know what happens? Then you radiate that actually automatically and everything is transformed in a very very powerful way. So I don't see a generation so much as spoiled but as just as more sensitive to the inner energy of what is happening inside. And it's a beautiful beautiful gift. It's a beautiful opportunity that so many people are not content with external work and showing up. But it's so devoid of real deep relationships and energy. It's a gift. It's an opportunity. There was a poet who once said, "Many people or most people live lives of quiet desperation." You ever heard that one? >> Who? >> Thorough. >> Most people live lives of quiet desperation. I'm desperate. But I learned to be quiet about it. Even to myself. That's how desperate I am. And it makes sense. It's working. When things are functional, you know, why open the hood of the car when your car is driving? And that's why for those of you sitting in the room that the car stopped driving, consider it a gift because you were forced to open the hood. You were forced to look deeper. When things start breaking down, it's an opportunity. It's a gift. It's a gift that not everybody has. I know sometimes it looks like a curse and a destruction of everything. But really, I've come to see it as a gift. The gift to crack us open from complacency, from smuggness, from fear, from panic, from surrendering to the mediocrity of a template that just got used to surviving to graduating to a place not of surviving but of actually living. What's the word? >> Thriving. Very good. Living presence. Real real presence. And sometimes I want to intuitively respond, my kid didn't do this. my kid. You're late to school. You're late to this. You're late to that. I just want to bash out and get it perfect. Like, we want things to look perfect. But think about what life is really about. It's about anything looking perfect. Sometimes you come into where there's a principal of uh one of my children's school told me, she said, you know, sometimes you come into a classroom, it's perfect. It's perfect. Everybody is behaving. She says in my school nothing is perfect but the children are being listened to. The children are being listened to. I had once one of my boys in a particular school and the teacher was PTA the teacher tells me he said I want to give you good news. I really felt bad. I didn't even know what to say. I was like, "Oh." But he says, "You know, when your boy came in, he was very vivacious." And now Barashem, he doesn't say a word. And this was like this. And I'm not blaming it. He has a big class and he's looking for control. And if I would sit with those 25 kids, I don't know, maybe I would have jumped out the window myself. I'm not sure what would have happened. So I'm not really judging. I'm just saying like in his mind, he was like borashem. So I remember this woman told me, I yell at Nadav is her name. She said in over here things look messy because there is an inner order. There's an inner order. You know what's the one night of the year that we call a seder? Pes. What's the most chaotic night in Jewish homes? The seder. What's so mud about the seder? Yankee spilled the wine already before Kadesh. is in a bad mood before or you want to go to sleep already a year before pes what is so seder about it right but that's where seder comes out seder doesn't come out in everything impeccable flawless perfect seder is an inner inner rhythm no mu so sometimes you know it's not it's not perfect but the people are you're connecting to real people because you're connecting to your real self this is Not the to this is not defiance against order and children waking up in the morning and making the bus, God forbid. But this is a protest against ignoring the internal mechanisms and internal energy just for the sake of you know everything looking externally perfect. And of course life is always a balance but nonetheless we always want to cultivate that internal before the told us. Now over here we come to the last the last step and that is how many thoughts do people have a day you know how many thoughts do you think a day >> so actual thoughts not not just potent actual thoughts that we have a day so it's anywhere between 65,000 75,000 mahad mahadran are 80,000 And maybe in this room there's some people who do even a little extra to be for those of us who do less. So think about the fact that one day imagine on your to-do list 75,000 things a day. Now I know for Jewish mothers that doesn't sound so much right but actually 75,000 things to do is a lot. Each thought is actually a creature. It's a creation. They have personality and emotion and instinct and luster and flavor and color and even a scent. 75,000 states of consciousness that we go through a day. It's very very very powerful. But there are patterns that our thoughts follow. There's patterns. It's almost predictable in many ways even if the situations and circumstances change. You know, somebody once said that basically when it comes to thoughts, it literally has to be like the tomatoes you see in the store. You look at a tomato and you say, "Too red, too mushy, too soft, not ripe." Going back to the store, this tomato I like. This is for my salad. You do it with avocados. You do it with oranges. You do it with apples and peers. And sometimes you got to do it with thoughts, too. This thought is a tomato, too mushy. This thought is too unripe. It's not denying that the tomato exists. Not at all. But it's taking responsibility for the tomato. It's saying, "Is this really the tomato you want to take home? Is this the tomato you want to cut up and put into your salad? Is this the tomato you want to eat?" That's what it means. The tomato is there, but I have to choose what to do with the tomato. There are thoughts. You say this, I'm taking home with me. And then there are thoughts you're saying, you know what? This is a pretty rotten tomato. I understand it. I'm not blaming the tomato. I'm not going into guilt and shame, but I don't think I'm taking this home. I'm not taking this thought and making it my messiah. This thought is not going to become the dictator of my life. This thought is not going to become my deity. It's part of me. It's teaching me lessons. It's telling me what to work on. It's telling me maybe not to come back to the store. whatever it is. But that's a real sensitive approach where a person can appreciate what they're going through. But yet also understand this tomato I need exchange for another tomato cuz I'm not going to dwell in the negativity that I'm guilty. I'm miserable. I'm shameful. Maybe that's the thought. I'm a bad person. I could never get it right. This one hates me. That one hates me. It's time to change the thought. The bump once said, "My son showed this to me that sometimes your entire aid hashem consists of dealing with one thought that you're having right now." Sometimes that is the entire aid hashem. Let's think about this. I also want to say one more thing in the opposite and that is sometimes people are always in a state of because they're emotionally dead. >> It's just important to understand that that's not what means. >> You're a popular person. I see. Maybe show her how to make vibrate so we can have it on vibrate vibrate. Okay. So what happens is sometimes a person is very relaxed because they stop feeling their but that's equally dangerous because that's a form of death and the teldas feel that some of us are so disassociated so emotionally dead we know how not to get angry. We're like detached. We're detached. Some families are intellectually gifted and they learned to detach emotionally. And they have these words from Tanya called which they understand to be that the brain is a dictator. And it tells the heart shut down you idiot. Shut down. We have a we don't feel and we're good. And we do what we have to do and we produce and we stop complaining and we stop whining and we don't have to whine and whine and whine and whine. And when you stop feeling, you can be productive and everything is sweet and calm. And they're good people actually. They're very good people. But >> many are jealous of them. >> Yes. Cuz because they're so functional. >> They're so functional. Yeah. They're so functional. Sometimes it's hard to say. Sometimes people who lead the most successful homes and schools have learned to shut down their hearts and they just do what you have to do and you get it done. And there's a curriculum and there's tests and there's exams and everything is running perfectly. The only thing that's missing is the heart is not present and it's a it's a coping mechanism and it's fine. Everybody has coping mechanisms. But the lack of awareness is sometimes so debilitating because you think there's something more important that girls or boys in school need than connection than attachment than emotional regulation than attentiveness than being re being really really seen. There's nothing more important and you can't see somebody if you don't see yourself and I can't see somebody if I'm disregulated and there's no way I can impact the tollus with an open heart if I'm not in that place of no for some of us nayak is easier as I said for some of us nayak is much much much more complicated and yet the one rule we have to understand is that anxiety is not our essential core. Anxiety is part of our development. It comes because of certain reasons. Often it's a response to life experiences to different forms or things that happen. Sometimes it may be inherited in the genes. Sometimes it's nature or nurture. But it's not the essence of the soul. The soul is not anxious at its core. The soul is blissful at its core. And that's why we must never ever give up on digging a little deeper and doing what we need to do to help ourselves to free up our souls and lean into a space where we do not have to live in this fragile terrified panic dread and anxious nephesh Bahala. I want to now take the last few minutes of the class and say one more point which is a little more sensitive and a little deeper maybe and that's the quest the real question of why do so many of us go through so much anxiety it's not just inside of the marble it's much deeper than that the real thing is the purpose of the marble is what does this mean so this is going to be our last source and with this we want to complete Complete conclude. We're going to be here for like another six minutes. I'm going to read this fast and you'll get the point. The last source there's a listen carefully. Raging waters will not extinguish the love. Rivers will not overwhelm it. If a person thinks they can give away all their money to buy that love, people are going to scorn him. You can't buy this type of love with money. Raging waters represent all the stress that people have to survive and all the thoughts that they have in this world simply to survive. Whether it's physical work, whether it's emotional survival, all the thoughts that come with that, that's called they're raging waters, if you know what I mean. But these raging thoughts and waters cannot extinguish the love. There's an inner bliss and love that every single soul has in its very essence because it's divine. You must get to know your soul. Before your soul came into a physical body, it was basking in the radiance of the divine presence and it was completely one with a with infinity. It's literally a derivative of infinite consciousness. Even when the soul comes into a body and it's now camouflaged and dressed up in all of these garments, don't think that the thoughts and the anxieties for a moment can extinguish this powerful craving and love that it always has to be one with its source. So what the balatanya is saying is something incredible and that is we have the answer within deep deep inside. You have a space that is always serene. It knows exactly who it is. It doesn't need anybody's validation. It doesn't need to impress anybody. It's not here to uh fill other people's voids or be yer for other people and constantly be in a rat race. It doesn't operate from a place of guilt and shame and dread and I'm so negative and now this. It's actually most natural state is complete intimacy with Hashem's infinity and there it's fully in a place of bliss. So you say what? You got the wrong guy. Not me. Not me. May I Rabin? You know what's happening in my head? There's chatter. There's this and this class is going late. Then you know what I still have to do today. And that's from the easier ones. And he says it's true. There's Mayam Rabim literally raging waters. It's like flash floods. You never see these flash floods. And yet it's water. Water should extinguish fire. But this you can't extinguish. It's a real space of serenity and tranquility. It was there before. It's going to be after. And it's there even when we're in the body. But the truth is it's the other way around. The soul coming into these raging waters allows it to get to know itself and to be sublimated to a space that's even higher than it was before it came down into this world which it couldn't have been higher. It was it was basking the radiance of the creates something even deeper. And he explains The waters of the flood are called the waters of what a crazy name. What are you blaming him for? The waters of what he made the flood. He saved us from the flood. It's called inh of this week. The waters of Why is it called the waters of the answer is means serenity. So why is it? It's called waters of because the real purpose of every flood we experience is to bring us to a deeper place of what does this mean to bring us to a deeper place of what it means is and this is something you know we must say with a lot of sensitivity a lot of love a lot of caution I feel comfortable talking about it because I deal with this so I don't I don't I feel very comfortable talking about it because I'm not I'm not preaching but every flood psychological and emotional and spiritual that we deal with or we dealt with in our life. At its essence, it's Mayak. It's Mayim to bring us to Nyak. He's saying, "No, this flood didn't bring nayak. This flood created havoc or stress or destruction or crazy inner fear or no self-confidence or whatever it is, self-hate, self-loathing. On the surface, it did. But if we have the courage to go deep into these painful things, you will see that below the flood like the eye of the storm, you know, the whirlwind. What is it called in the there's another word for the eye of the storm? Uh >> huh. >> The vortex in the vortex of the entire chaos. It's eclipsing. The chaos is eclipsing something that is infinitely precious. What he's teaching us here is not just that we have the ability to emerge from our chaos and anxiety with serenity, but it's much deeper than that. The anxiety itself is covering over a secret. It's almost like your most precious gift in the world is hidden behind your anxiety. Our anxiety developed in order to protect a gift that it did not want anybody to abuse. So it becomes like a shell, like a wall, like a makita, like a safe that protects it. The problem is we often throw away the key because we're so afraid of it and then we have to find it. But we didn't really throw away the key. It's just hidden somewhere. When we have the courage to face our anxiety, when we have the courage to face those wounds that are creating all this internal blame or negativity, you will see that under it there is so much love, there's so much passion, there's so much creativity. A very simple simple example for this would be if somebody and some of us know this very personally. If some a lot of people have social anxiety, it's very hard for them with people. Some of you don't know what I'm talking about. Some of you know all too well what I'm talking about. Even when one person walks into the room, your brain is like hypervigilant. It's like we prepare ourselves. Some people don't even notice. Some people, one person walks into the room, relations are dangerous for them. There's a reason for it. One of the reasons is sometimes this child was so filled with love. They wanted to connect with everybody in the deepest way. But the people weren't available for that connection. Mommy was tired or exhausted. Tati had his issues, whatever. The people weren't available. Not necessarily in a bad way. They just didn't even know what it is. Nobody was there for them. They didn't know how to be there for their kids. A 2-year-old doesn't know how to say, "My mother is dealing with some serious stuff." or my father got his own traumas. You know what a two-year-old says? I don't deserve it. Or I'm too needy or my emotions are too overburdening or I'm too sensitive or I'm too babyish. You understand? So what does this person do? They close it down. They put a lock on it because they want to be loved. They want to be accepted. They want to be normal. They don't want to hurt their parents. They don't want to feel like they're losers. And that deepest, deepest part of them is now gone. but not forever. You know what it's h it's hiding behind their anxiety. So now every time somebody walks into the room, I have to be hypervigilant because if I'm open like who knows I'm going to be too real, too vulnerable, too authentic, too loving. I may hug them for longer than three and a half seconds and then I'll be like this weirdo. I'll be too emotional. I'll be too openhearted. They're going to put me in an institution. They're going to say I'm not intellectual. I'm not talented. I don't get anything done. I'm not a bulla buster. I'm not a fine schmecka. Whatever it is. And boom. Of course, I'm hypervigilant. I want to be normal. Who doesn't want to be normal? I want to be a musha. So really, in a very interesting way, that anxiety, what is it really hiding? It's really hiding your gift. Of course, you're full of love. You're an amazing heart. You're a healer. You're a friend. You're actually the most refreshing thing in the world. You know why people like you? Because you're vulnerable. Because you're authentic. People have enough shows in this world, enough shows, enough coverups. That's your power. Your power is that you're so authentic. What you're so afraid of is your gift. So this whole mobble is really mayo. It's the water that's trying to help me find and bring me to that space. When I have a courage not to run away but to really go deeper deeper, you will find that those raging and anxious floods hold the key to your deepest serenity, to your deepest internal beauty, to your deepest dignity. And then all your experiences you'll be able to see really were just helping you finally crack open the fear, the ego, the insecurity, the defense mechanisms so that you could finally really really embrace your own nayak and then your tlddus everything that comes through you and comes out of you is saturated with so much beauty, love and bliss. Have a beautiful and serene week. Thank you. >> Thank you. Thank you. >> Yes. >> Thank you for coming. >> Thank you. I mean, I usually I'm usually on here. >> Thank you. >> My son emailed you a few years back when he got colitis, got sick. He emailed you. He emailed him back. >> Thank you. A lot of Frank, >> thank you for coming. Nice to see you once again. >> Such a nice me. >> Yes, we appreciate it. >> Beautiful. >> Very special. Exactly. Exactly. Thank you again. And thank you for uh the sushi, the kush, and everything else. Yeah. You're welcome. Thank you for coming. You understood. >> I heard you the lady I wrote a book about honey. I can't call you mommy. >> Yes. >> Amazing. >> Wow. Unbelievable. >> Yeah. She was my classmate. >> I asked her to come for Shabas. >> She told me. She told me her. She's very alone. >> Yeah. Yeah. Tell her to come. You have send me your email. >> Trying to She was with you. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She told me, she told me that you invited her for Shabas. I'm like, please do. >> I think I mean it would be the greatest pleasure. This was, you know, I was glad to hear from her. >> Where does she actually live? >> Wow. Okay. >> And her kids are married. >> My name is grew up together. >> Thank you for coming. Thank you. >> Yes. >> Wow. Amazing. >> Thank you for coming and gracing us. >> Wow. Yes. >> Amen. a lot of very big. >> Thank you. But I have only I want to give you lots of advice. I realize you're younger than you. So I want to tell you you're very busy. You're waking up fastener and you're making decisions and you have to be there. But in reality, perhaps you've changed seats and you're the passenger and your son and you will realize this and the first step is you're still getting to know your daughter-in-law. He's got the mother of the person who's going to raise your grandchildren. >> Beautiful. >> And I want to tell you that yes, you have to be a butter. He is going to lead you through the rest of your life. And really your messenger who's making the decisions you didn't know it looks like it's your money and everything else. And I want to wish you marvelous. >> Amen. Amen. >> And and because really really he is I want to tell you he really are the follower now and I know that is the time that she wants it to be. He gives you that also.