Parshas Mishpatim: The 5 Most Important Things To Teach Your Children

this Tower class is brought to you by torahanytime.com okay welcome everyone to malachem we're very important subject tonight pastors mishpatim the shurim on safer shamas are again generously sponsored by our dear friends Dr zaka mumashparta Elizabeth family Services tonight's sponsored by our good friend in Manhattan David Cohen David foreign all the way from mushalayim in honor of shmuel's 40th birthday of the prestigious Shadows he should be blessed with to continue his well he does a lot of things in the Holy neighborhood of here in and his parents should see from him and all of their wonderful children okay we're continuing on the subject of so if you have children great you don't have children yet now is the best time to prepare because once you have them there's no time to even think about it so it's it's never too early to start preparing how to train your children it's very end if you already got your kids out of the house lucky lucky you but your job isn't over yet I saw an amazing thing in the safer massage that yaakov avinu was punished with the Troubles of Josef ATS Allah and the question is what did yakovino do that he was punished that he had this difficulty with Josef and Hazard wanted to take it easy so Hazard don't really explain what was he planning why did he want to take it easy what did he think he could take it easy from so for the first time this week I saw what does it mean because look I had 12 kids they're all adult men they're all good I'm done you know so I'm finished so the the motion Feinstein Lawrence BK Jacob means he already raised his children and he figured his job of already I did my job I sent them to Yeshiva I learned with them I learned with them their Bar Mitzvah Parsha I learned with them their Chateau I took them to the khupa they already have children I mean how long do I have to hover over them says of Maisha from here we learn that a parent their children their entire life you're never done don't think oh I got him out of the house no you could be a great grandfather you still need to watch carefully what your children do your job is never over look what happened to Yakov yaakov thought he could take it easy with his he didn't pick up on the fact the brothers were jealous Jacob should have sat his kids down and said look remember I told you 10 years ago that jealousy even a great person could be jealous of someone else you have to be very careful you have to work on your amuna didn't do that and because of that he had the whole issue with so as we see it's never too early to start and one is never too old and uh exempt from the midst of so this subject I was thinking long and hard about so I told my wife the topic of tonight's year is the five most important things to teach your children the only thing is I only have two so far so I already I had the topic I just didn't have the content yet so I got to three and four and I call different um Israel but this is uh these are the five that um in my humble opinion are the five most important things to teach children what does that mean these are the five most important things I mean you have to teach them about all 613 Mitzvahs but the kid needs to see that there's a certain hierarchy that certain things in your mind are more important and certain things are not as important so what in the child's mind should the child think you know to to tati to Daddy to Abba this is the most important thing to Mommy this is the most important thing so let's go with number one number one says the schlach again none of these are my suggestions this is what uh here's the thing a lot of what you hear about is uh what you call lamalikra swarahi you know people basically they make up you know what's convenient for the times so it may or may not be uh true it may or may not be proper but what I what I'd like to share with you is what the daily so I'll tell us based on says the schlach that if a father is guiding his children and he wants to make sure his children go in the street in the narrow even when you're not looking the most important thing to teach a kid is not to lie MS MS some people you know when they tell a story it's 90 percent Baba maisa other people you know when they tell a story they're sprinkled in exaggeration you have to tell your kid a word is a word if you say you're gonna do something that's the most important thing more important than any Mitzvah if you say you're going to do something but I didn't promise of course he didn't promise you not a lot of promise when you promise you're not a swear you're not a promise a word is a word if you say you're going to do something you said you're going to take out the Garment you said you're going to clean up once you say it to me that's the most important you must keep your word your word is gold and you need to magnify the punishment for Shekinah now again I know in this generation we don't like talking about punishment punishment is a very dirty word but in terms of what it should be in their mind the most severe crime it should be in their mind that you consider lying worse than eating a piece of pig that's it pig is not a good thing it's not good for a person who has a Jewish mother to eat pig it's frowned upon we don't condone eating khazer but worse than that is lying worse than that is not keeping your word and if you catch the kid saying Checker whatever your standard of punish maybe one day I'll get the guts to speak about whether you're allowed to hit a kid or not right now I don't have the guts but I'm getting very close it's it's taken me about 10 years to even think about speaking about the subject but whatever your level of severity is number one should be sheker you catch the kid lying you give it you give it to him whatever your definition of giving it to him is uh I'm gonna give it to you I'm gonna take away one of your Fruity Pebbles forever whatever you consider capital punishment in your house it should be for Shecker still a great fear on it and um now what now the Shaka says why is shekar so wrong why should it be considered the most severe of any Avera to the kid so says a very practical idea he says when the kid is ingrained that if he lies he's gonna get it then you could be ashore he'll do whatever you tell him to do why because if he's willing to lie so then he he doesn't in his mind he could get away with not doing anything because if you ask him did you do X Y and Z so he'll just lie and say yeah I did it and he's not worried if you're gonna catch him that he's gonna lie but if he's afraid that if you ever catch him lying boy is he gonna get it then anytime you ask him to do something he's gonna probably do it because he knows you're gonna ask him did he do it and he knows he can't lie so there's nothing a practical reason why Ms is the most important thing to ingrain in a child because once he's afraid to lie then he knows you could ask him about anything that you've that you would like from him and he's never gonna he's not gonna lie because he knows that to you lying is the worst thing in fact their solid colors brings a story about a dear friend of his and he says one of the of course one of the Spire them so I could understand that this is so the shot colors was living in you shall I am and he says here in you there's a certain from the spard them you could give him all the money in the world he wouldn't say uh iota of sheka by the way what does this mean that means if so you have to train the kid if you say I'll call you tomorrow in America I'll call you tomorrow means I will never speak to you again in America when you say I'll try could you come I'll try I'll try means no no I'll try means I will try I'll call you tomorrow means I'll call you tomorrow that's how you have to teach a kid well anyway this is you could give him all the money in the world he would not speak falsehood and he told I asked him you know where'd you get this Minogue from he said my father taught me and my brother when we were kids that if let's say I'm gonna make up a story not that it happened in my house just theoretically let's say you had a a break front and let's say A kid threw a football through the break fund I'm not giving I'm not saying that that happened to me it happened yeah it happened to have happened in my house but let's say A kid threw a football right through a glass break front so the father would train the kid if you're made that to me and say I did it I'll pay you but if you say I didn't do it and I thought that you did it oh watch out that's how that was the father's approach you did something wrong you man up to it and you say I did it wrong I I I made a mistake if you admit you get paid if you deny and I catch you are lying boy do you get it and look what happened to him he this kid turned out to be a khasid so the Sherlock is saying more than anything else one needs to stress the middle of Ms why because then anything you ask the kid you know he's probably gonna do it because he's gonna afraid you're gonna catch him I would humbly suggest another reason why the most important thing to teach a child is MS what's the purpose you're creating the foundation of the child the foundation of what Foundation of his feet You're Building uh cement under his feet You're Building Foundation of his soul what is the soul made out of what is the soul what is the nashama writes in the Shari's Ms we are obligated on the parameters of Truth the truth is the foundation of the soul the soul is based on truth the soul stands on truth if you would be able to see a soul you would see that it's founded on truth and the logic of that the explanation of that is that the soul is a piece of the Divine the soul is a peace so that means the foundation of the soul is truth so the purpose of you want to give the child a foundation so there's only one Foundation that you could give the child the mid of MS so that is number one the I mean sometimes you'll see it you'll see a father in shawl what you didn't bring your hat to shul are you kidding me I'm gonna not so the father God now if the kid goes to Shiva where they wear a hat the kid should wear a hat and by davening that's the dress code of a Ben Tyro where he learns and I understand the parent wants the child to dress a certain way and that's legitimate and that's important but how in the world could that be made a bigger deal than if the kid says something that's like a quasi-truth and it's not true in other words very often parents make a much bigger deal of things that are lesser important I'm not undermining the importance of it if this is your Messiah and this is your Minogue okay it's extremely important but it can even be compared in the same Stratosphere as something which is the whole foundation of the child's Spiritual Development and you know we live in an island and we get used to saying certain things yeah uh you know catch you later talk to you talk to you later let me talk to you later I don't plan on talking to you for another 10 years there's certain Expressions that just become part of vernacular that we're used to and it's uh worthwhile that of all the things that we give over to our children the meet of Ms that's number one number two number two is uh not something that is commonly given over to our children and it probably should be uh reevaluated as well this is something of kaim kaneefsky writes that um he says in the name of his father I saw the Shiva of tells of Aaron David Goldberg and he brings also from the stipler the most important thing to tell the kid is that this world is not an oil it's not Hefner in this world this is a world of consequence this is a world of repercussion this is a world of reward and Punishment now you can never point and say this good thing happened to Pliny because he did a Mitzvah and that bad thing happened to Pliny because they didn't have era Mr Ray Darke Hashem who knows the ways of God but there is the majority of the time there's reward and Punishment and if an earthquake happens on the other end of the world nobody can say it happened to plony because of this it happened to Almighty because of that but in general the replenish Psalm is talking and he's bringing einsham is that reward the kid has to know this is not a Hefner world the child must know from a young age or something called reward and Punishment that Hashem Knows What You Do he sees what you do he sees what you think and Mama even if tatyamami are not there and even if Daddy and Mommy are not watching the reborn some is watching you and there are some records what you do and if you do a Mitzvah and you dive in nicely and you make there's there's Sarah there's a reward for that you know you don't treat your friend nicely records that and it's something you have to try to improve on and correct you can't have a kid grow up in a marshmallow land yeah this world Frosted Flakes everything is good everyone is good everyone is good even even well it doesn't matter who you are how you're identified if you want to identify one way one day and a different way a different day everyone is good no that we don't live in that world we don't live in the world of Fruity Pebbles we live in a world of repercussion right and wrong there is a rebina he sees he knows he records this is the says the stipler is the most important thing to give over to a child that this world is a world of ramification repercussion doesn't mean all day long you should focus on uh you know from the safer races but the general concept the child has to know that their actions make a difference that the emotional knows he records and he runs the world accordingly this is what the stipler said he said it over the name of the stipler rashiva Tells brings in the name of the stipler rabavati Yosef has a safer he likewise says the most important thing for a child to know is that there are two worlds there's a began to say all there is is this world that you answer from this world to the next world because if a child does not know that there's an oil he thinks it's an Islam the child every child that doesn't mean the kid is three months old you should tell him by the way there's there's no no the kid has to have he has to be at the age but in general a child should know that Revenge some watches and about some records and there's scar for doing the right thing and there's oinish for doing the wrong thing that's the basic uh masira of number three okay here we go number three so you come home from work and tati you came up from work at 8 10 and you're going out to the shear at 8 30. aren't you tired aren't you hungry and he sees you're eating the food in like 10 minutes you're running out say yes but I'm being moist Hashem just like yes he was going to give up his life Hashem and just like Jews jumped into the gas Chambers for the sake of Hashem I am learning Tyra with masiras nephesh that is the worst possible thing you could tell your child never tell your child that you're being moisture nephesh for any Mitzvah never tell your child yes it's really hard but what wouldn't I do for a college world why shouldn't you tell your child that your child should not think you're being moist or nephish for any mitzvah because a child will say look dad he's my sir nephesh verse here because he's uh you know he's Superman but I'm a wimp so for him it worked and for me it doesn't work I don't want to be my sonphus like my father I don't want to do things that are hard the way my father you need to tell your kid you know I am going out to the sheer because I love this year you know I I wake up early to Davin because I love waking up and thanking Hashem and davening for my needs it What would life be without Fila What would life be without Torah What would life be without Shabbos the kid cannot think that any midst on the Torah is Messier Snapfish you have to tell the kid he has to see that you enjoy it otherwise says ramosa Feinstein the kid's gonna say Dad was Superman and it ain't good for me everybody knows what Misha used to say that in a you know the generation of early America the reason why many went off the street in the narrow is because people would say writes in partial Mr says emmar El hakaihem say to the kohanim and say to them so Rashi says what's the Mr the almerta sarashi says tell the godollam on the katanim so ramosha asks what do you mean tell the godolam to tell the katanim the Apostle says Mr tell them and tell them there's nothing here about the number seven nothing here about telling the godylam to tell the katanim says the most important is that a kid should not think you're being moisture we don't have food to eat you know just like Jews marched into the the crematoria were also moisture nephesh that's the the best most direct way to ask your kids to check out a different path in life you don't tell the kid you're being moist or not that the kid has to think and you need to show and need to act that every midsole you do it makes you happy you enjoy it it gives you schmuck so the kid says you know I thought I want to have a happy life I want to I want to have a meaningful life I want to have a life of I'm going to do what my father does I'm gonna do what my mother does because I see it gives them simcha says the kid gets nothing all the kid gets is it was good for him and I'm not interested you have to tell the kid yeah it looks like it's hard huh but I wouldn't have it any other way you're learning during the Super Bowl yeah I'm being moister now I'm being moisture that's you think that's simcha for people to bang their heads against each other and get permanent brain damage so that later on in life they can't even remember their own name no this is anyway it's rigged you think it's actually anyway it's probably right so uh I saw in a safer you mayhemoyed that the idea of Masha Feinstein that the importance of showing your child how enjoyable tar Mitzvahs is is marumas in the Posse in the hill and paracos you know why I inherited your misplaced forever because I enjoy it if a person enjoys the Torah a person enjoys the Mitzvahs then there's an assurance that we'll go on to the next Generation but if a person doesn't enjoy it then the likelihood of it being passed on is is uh not great he brings over here very interesting question he asked of sulayman Miller so sometimes people want to know in like how far should a person extend themselves to help out somebody and if someone Miller said a very interesting uh gather a very interesting haddara he says when you're going out of your way to help somebody else don't push yourself too much too much beyond your comfort zone a little bit not too much say what I thought I should be moisture enough no if you're pushing yourself so much beyond your comfort zone that it bothers you that you're doing it and you're not doing it you're doing it like a grouch and a grump so like you're ruining the whole mitzvah so there's a very fine line between stretching yourself and stretching yourself too thin you know a person always wants to make sure they're growing and they're doing more and they're on a higher level than they were before but you don't want to jump to the next level where you you're not you don't you're not enjoying going okay I'm gonna get up earlier for chakras great get up start 10 minutes earlier you're going to start getting up three hours earlier and you're gonna walk like you're gonna be like a zombie and you're going to be like I can't take this so you sort of ruin the homitzma now maybe ultimately it's you know it's it's like that in anything in life you know if you're gonna pick up the heavy weights right away you're just gonna ruin your muscles gonna tear your muscles you have to do it in a way where you're still doing it all right here we go number four number four is very interesting I'll tell you number four is I didn't even know it was true and as far as last week I didn't even think it was true says that the battle in this world between the eight sir toiv and the eight Sahara is the battle between the sejal the intellect an imagination what does that mean let's say you have you want to do an Avera you know it's the wrong thing but how does desire work the way desire works is you imagine how pleasurable that Avera would be there's a certain image in your mind how good that food would be how good that illicit activity would be so the imagination starts working working working and the sekhal is trying to tell you know you can't do that you're gonna it's not worth it you're gonna ruin yourself you're going to get punished but the imagination is so to speak too much in a way often for the sekhal to counteract and robiso solanter taught that you need to transfer all the ideas that you have in your head get them and plant them in your heart in an emotional way so that when the imagination starts to work you'll be able to counteract it with with emotion I always thought emotion was completely the tactic of the it'sahara I always thought and that emotion excuse me imagination I thought it was seriously until last week I thought imagination was totally completely the realm of the evil inclination and last week A friend of mine rabilan haberstad set an idea about the power of imagine I remember I asked him what's what's the source of this and uh yesterday I saw reply mava writes an amazing idea that the same way there's a power of imagination for Avera the way to counteract that's how that's how TiVo works taiva works you know you're you're uh during the day you get hungry and you say you know I really want even if it's kosher I really want this food what really wants this the finger wants it what part of you wants it what is it that what what do you need you need the calories so drink a cup of milk you need the protein have a piece of fish why do you need that the answer is you know it's like the the commercial in your mind you have this image in the mind that starts working that starts it captures your whole your whole Mind's Eye says imagination could be a harnessed a person has to have imaginate imaginative images in their mind of kabolas imaginative images of their minds of the mishkan of the avoida of the covered Hashem and the base hamiktas of Sadiq you need to use imagination letova you need to have imagination of how great you could be of what you could accomplish in rochnius of Torah that you could know of yoroshimaim that you could have imagination gets the emotions going so the same way we know from ourselves that taiva comes from imagination you need to use and harness imagination for Tyra mitzvahs and revolva says that when you say fat Sadiq was faced with the temptation of Asia's poitifera so we know came to Yosef the most yeah he imagined his father so we think yeah yes is about to do that very in fact the gemara gets very graphic that something even happened with your safe but in the last moment he saw his father so we think what happened over here then he took uh he took a personal jet you know he took a private flight down into yosef's mind and he said he always said don't do that Jaco if we say we think yaakov came to Yosef no yaakov didn't come to Yosef you're safe always imagined his father Joseph always thought about yaakov what would yaakov say about me what would yaakov do what does yaakov think about this how else did Yosef for 13 years for 22 years live in a Land of Egypt without a father without siblings without any Yiddish kite and Joseph the answer is he had seared into his Consciousness the image of his father and the reason why yaakov came to him Yakov always came to him that was always in yosef's imagination and rev David Goldberg says a really a remarkable idea I should really save it but I'll tell it to you now and if I say it again don't hold it against me rev David Goldberg says how was your safe able to train his children in matryam how was yours to be able to be mechanic children there are no Jews they're no good Islam how exactly did Josef teach his children he gave over to them images the the yukonoi shalavive he graphically explained to them was that kept his children on the straight and narrow with David Goldberg in his uh he says that he brings a story where ibiakov golinsky who was a ram in the initis in 1952 and he had a daughter who he had to put in like a kindergarten and the problem was it was uh it was Kindergarten it was a masorati it wasn't to the standards that revgolinsky wanted and he asked can I stay in this neighborhood and send my kid to the school or do I need to move and the Khazana says here's the barometer if they will agree the school will agree to put up on the walls of the school pictures of godola Israel that will have an even greater than bad friends now that's I mean you know what a picture with Ali Israel do picture without Israel they don't talk to you yeah they do talk to you because when you have someone's picture up on the wall it's not I want to be like number 23. this is my this is my role model this is my ambition this is who I look up to the spa of an aspiration that a child should be taught to Aspire for Godless Patera doesn't mean that child will ever get there but like when we saw cilantro said in my whole life I strove to be like the Villa going so at least I was robustro cilanter so if David Goldberg says that uh he remembers when he was a little boy growing up in Chicago 60 years ago his father came home one day with something that was unheard of in America his father came home with good Island pictures 60 years ago there was no such thing as good Island pictures now instead of flipping you know the New York Yankees these kids are flipping uh I don't know rivaran rivervadiosa to one of my kids said is it covered that we're you know flipping uh these rabbis in the air it's better better than flipping uh I guess other cards but the the father came home the receiver of tells he says when he was a young boy he had two brothers he had a brother safe he had a brother Moshe and his father came up with three Godzilla pictures one of the ruggage Rosen one of the Rama Ramos and one of David Carlin so the father said you strive to be like reviews of Rosen the rugged shover moisha you strive to be like the Rama David all you strive to be like so Goldberg said that this had a big hash spot on him and I think an important thing to give over to a child is a sheifa an aspiration to know Torah to desires to desire de vac to desire Yara shamayim to have such an aspiration to look up together Israel because that creates an image in their mind that now it's more than just information see information's impact is limited it's minimal but the impact of the imagination the impact of the aspiration is very powerful we mentioned a few times already that the stipler said that when he was a young boy even before he learned mishnais and even before he learned Gomorrah his father taught him by heart a niggan a special niggan and not only that um also taught his children the stipler taught his daughters The Story Goes at one time the stapler's daughters came to the house and they saw that the Shas was not in order so they were able to put the shots in order but what's the purpose of knowing the names of the masectas if you know if you can't even read you can't even read Schneider metallos what's the purpose what's the objective knowing Baba Karma Basra so it creates a certain aspiration and yearning and desire to know it that's a very important thing to give over to a child that the child should have in his life should have in his nashama a shifa faraknias you want to hear the song again I thought you might want to hear the song you ready here we go [Music] you remember this courtesy of Rabbi English [Laughter] just a little bit okay that's the first say there okay I had to do that okay so that's number four number five at number five is probably the most important of all of them number five is that a child has to know that he's important he has to have an identity he has to recognize she has to recognize their value in the eyes of Hashem that they're important Creations that they're important individuals and what they do makes a difference and what they say makes a difference and what they think makes a difference and that loves them and loves them because they have a nashama and their Hashem loves them because they're binay Abraham yes and because they need to strive to be like avrum they're important Hashem values them Hashem wants to hear their Fila Hashem desires their Torah me what am I I'm nothing no in the eyes of Hashem you're more important than the president of the United States and that's not saying much Hashem is more interested yingala Hashem is more interested in one word of hummus that you learn than anything that takes place in the Oval Office that's the first thing a child has to understand he's Hashem foreign what what gave him the wherewithal to overcome that nisayon because he saw his father he understood who he was he recognized his graveness doesn't get in the story of the Son and Daughter of rabbi they were taken captive and they didn't know they were that they were brother and sister and they had an assayon and if you look in the gemara what what went on in their mind that helped them overcome the Messiah did they say if I if I if I'm going to be punished in the world to come no that's not what inspired them did they say that they're they're going to ruin their nashama now they said I'm the son of the Cayenne God I'm a great person how could I do this by the way the gemara says if somebody is walking down the street and they're eating pizza can't eat in the street why because it's not dignified and someone who doesn't recognize their value will not hesitate for a moment to lie they're possible why does a person why is a person careful to speak the truth because he knows he's an important person the most important safeguard that it that will keep a child on the straight and the narrow is he if he has a healthy recognition of how important he is it doesn't matter how smart he is it doesn't matter how talented he is he has an ashama so if he has an ashama created the entire world for him every boy every girl has to know the whole world was created for them and they're the most important Creation in the world it's more than self-esteem it's reality the more important you recognize yourself as the more careful you'll be in your behavior writeshine the first opening in the service of Hashem that a person recognize their own value and if that's the pesachari shine for an adult then of course this is the pasaka region for any child so yeah a kid could go to Yeshiva for many many years and they could learn many many sukim and many manyas but the parent has to build the foundation and the foundation is the child needs to know number one that they're important they're valued they're hush of they're more than important the whole world was created for them the behavior you see on the street is because people think they're an accident they're a random mutation if you think you're a random mutation why would you behave any differently but we believe we were created with the hand of the boy rayoylum for the talk list of upholding the whole world every human being could say that especially a Jew who upholds the entire universe that's number one that's the foundation of everything and the child has to be impressed with the importance of Ms because that's what their nashama is that's what their soul is it's me you said on MS and then he'll understand it's not an Islam Hefner is watching them you see the thing is if a child doesn't recognize how important they are they're not going to believe Hashem is watching them if you think you're a blade of grass or a speck of dust so how are you supposed to believe yeah Hashem is looking at my thoughts why why would Hashem look at my thoughts but when you have the foundation the whole world was created for me when a person is Hashem created the whole world for him then you're going to be careful what you say you're gonna be careful what you think and you're gonna believe it's not an Islam half car and you're gonna aspire you're going to Aspire for great things so they all are very much interconnected and when you live a life like that then the child sees that it's a life of meaning it's a life of Happiness it's a life of it it's an enjoyable life so these are a few things that perhaps are important to give over and we should to see tremendous from our children from our future children from our grandchildren at biasco thank you very much you've just experienced another Torah class brought to you by torahanytime.com