Parshas Ki Seitze - What’s Akiva’s Question - Rabbi Yoni Fischer

Open. [Music] Yeah. Heat. [Music] Heat. Heat. Heat. Yeah. Heat. Heat. [Music] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. [Music] Oh my god. [Music] Hey, [Music] hey, Yeah. Heat. Heat. Heat. Heat. Yeah. [Music] Heat. [Music] Heat. Heat. [Music] I love you. [Music] figure it out. [Music] Hallelujah. [Music] Hallelujah. Oh yes, I'm [Music] Heat. Heat. [Music] Heat. Heat. [Music] Heat. Heat. [Music] Behold you are [Music] I [Music] exactly exactly we desire [Music] you in is I shall [Music] leave [Music] We desire the You miss the world. She love. [Music] Searching you. [Music] I know you know you [Music] I won't let go. Hey, I'll be searching you. I'll be waiting. I'll be waiting for you. I know you. I let go of you. I [Music] have to I won't let go. I won't let go. Oh, [Music] [Applause] [Music] this P that we begin the para with is very very powerful and I just want to share a thought with all of you in in maybe the he say when you're going to wage war against your enemy and tell us a lot of times a lot of times we think that our enemy or our yates is is a tya. It's a desire. My yates is is my laziness. My sahara is something specific [Music] like it's a it's a um I remember I don't know if they still had this but I remember when I was in elementary school it it was like our rebby when there was there would be like a fly flying around on the by the window you know and you're distracted he would say that's theahara which could be true but I wish that was theahara I wish myahara was just a fly on the all and I wish almost that the Yates would be as simple as a tya but it but but it's not it's much deeper than that your tora is called your enemy is an enemy that means just like just like you driving a person driving into a village where there's a red sign that says by the way Don't drive in here or walk in here if you're an Israeli citizen, by the way, which is fake news. Just, it's always good to remember parathetically, unless you're looking at khazal or you're learning the Torah, you could probably assume that something is not true if you read it. Just because you read an article in a in a magazine or in a news thing, not not just because most probably it's it's more close to not being true than it is true. So, just like you say driving in if you're an Israeli, next time you see one of those signs, it says if you're an Israeli citizen, it is dangerous. That's not true because if you're an Arab-Israeli citizen, it's not dangerous. It really should say quote unquote. Yeah, exactly. There you're allowed to say should. It's supposed to say on that sign, if you are a Jew, you have to be careful because you'll get killed. But it doesn't say that. That's not my business. We're not in the make the signs business. We're in much deeper things than that or telling lies. We try not to tell lies. As I say many times, it's the beginning of the year, so I want to uh Kazer over to let everybody know this. Um I don't try and speak the truth because that's way way too powerful to say. Like I'm speaking the truth. I want you to hear the truth. That's a very strong card to pull. Especially if you have a beard and you have ash, you say, "I'm telling you the truth." I try not to say, "I'm telling you the truth." But I could say that I try and say things that are true. I like to say things that are true. I like to speak things that are true. It's very different than saying, "I'm telling you the truth." So just like you walking a personal going to a village, he's going to get killed because it's your enemy. Your enemy wants to kill you. What does that mean? Your enemy wants to kill you. He wants to destroy your life. So is teaching us, they're teaching us the Torah. The Torah is teaching us how do I fight against this thing that is my and I want to start with that's maybe the first step. The first step is that it's not the fly on the wall. It's not maybe that tya that you think is the atahara. The atahara wants you to have a miserable life. and your life having a miserable life doesn't mean when you're 30 years old doesn't mean when you're 40 years old because then it's a little bit harder to turn back the clock that's why I love what I do I love hanging out with I've had this many times when I speak to more of an audience or I'm involved with an audience when someone's 30 40 50 I'm like I'm not really sure what to tell you at this point like you have a bad marriage you're not the best father you're not happy with what you do I don't know what to tell you obviously you And you could always change no matter how old you are. 40 50 60 70 80 90. And I'm not saying anything negative about someone who's maybe 30, 40, 50, 60, 70. And it's harder. It's much much harder. I love hanging out over here and hanging out with where you actually can realize that you can create exactly the life that you want to create and you can live that life that you want to live. And you know what these things do to us? It's not just, oh, I'm falling into my tya. I'm falling into my desire. It's not the people pleasing. Mashem will talk and I know there's a first year trip tomorrow. We'll see what timing wise if if we'll do the no mic Monday, but it's Sunday. So, it's mike Sunday, right? So, we're going to we're not going to talk about it so much, right? But what's the shot? The shot is the shot is is that it's not so much it's not so much the people pleasing that's your problem. You think the people pleasing is your problem. It's not the shot that you're a people pleaser that that's your problem. It's not the shot that your desires are your problem. It's not your anxiety that's your problem. That might be a problem that you have, but what it is is is that it'll destroy you. That you won't be able to be you and be free to live the life that you want to live and to be the person who you want to become. That's your enemy is not just there to say, "Oh, sleep a little bit late. Hang out with the crew that you don't really want to hang out with, but you have trouble detaching from that." It's don't be true to yourself. Don't be true to yourself because if you're not true to yourself, you're actually killing yourself. Basically, you're actually not living the life that you want to live. you're living someone else's life, whether it's your father's life, whether it's your mother's life, whether it's society, whatever you want to chalk it up on. But for me to be tuned in to me, I think the foresh says, "Who's in gullis?" One of the said, "Who's in gullis?" The ani is in gullus. I'm in gullus. The I the being able to be true to myself. So the first step to battle your is to realize is to realize that this is there to destroy me. It's one of the benefits of being an addict. There are many benefits to not being an addict. But there are also many benefits to being an addict. One of the benefits of being an addict and accepting the fact that you're an addict is you accept the fact that I'm an addict and if I take a drink or if I I don't know gamble or if I whatever your addiction is or I smoke something or I'm on my phone. People do have addictions to their phone to to to watching certain things that are that are that are that that it's an addiction. The mile of the addict is he knows that this will kill him. Thearin of the non-addict, the guy, oh no, but I'm not an addict, but I'm okay. The weakness of that is you might not realize that it's uh it's like that um that experiment they did with the frog. They boiled up water. I'll start the other way. They took a pot of water and slowly boiled it up and put a frog in there. I don't know who did this, but you could probably chat GBT. They put a They put a frog in the in the water in the water pot and slowly it was boiling. Slowly it was boiling. What happened? The frog did not jump out and it died. They took boiling water and they threw the frog in and the frog jumped out. Why? Because the slow slow slow slow. Another day here, another day. The Yatesahara will never tell you I'm gonna ruin your year. Doesn't talk like that because there's no way you would buy the saying he's gonna ruin your year. He's not going to tell you, oh, this is your problem. That's what I'm saying. The mila, the benefit of the addict is the addict knows. Anyone know the how it goes? One shot is too uh too many. How how does it go? Someone know this over here? Where are where where's everybody? Where are all the right? How's it go? One shot is is not enough and one is is >> one shot is too little and one shot is >> No, you would know, right? Something like that. It's too many. A thousand is too many or is not enough. One shot is too much. Something like that. Basically, you can't touch it because if you know you touch it, you're done. You're done. So, the is not going to tell you you're going to have a terrible year. But the could tell you you'll have a terrible day. >> One drink is too many and a thousand is never enough. >> Right? One one drink is too many and a thousand is never enough. Yes. Zach, >> would you say in the same way how let's say an addict will say I'm powerless over my >> Yes. Yes. >> First step of being is to say I'm powerless. >> Oh, beautiful. So, here we go. Beautiful Zack. Beautiful Zack. Beautiful segue. See, Zach, we we we rehearsed well, Zach. Beautiful. Perfect timing. 608. Perfect timing. What's the next word? How do you fight your enemy? First, you have to realize that this enemy is not just a fly on the wall. It's not just the stuff you're watching. It's not just your laziness, your lack of relationship with your mother, your father, your siblings, your insecurities, your social anxiety, dot dot dot dot dot. It's there to destroy you. It's there to destroy you. It's an oave. It's a real enemy. If the Torah calls your an oave, I trust the Torah. And what does it say after that? What Zach saying? The first step is to realize this is a present from Hashem. Imagine if you looked at it like that. Imagine if you looked at your weaknesses. Imagine if you looked at your biggest problem that it's a gift wrapped from Hashem specifically for you. He gave you your father. He gave you your mother. He made you the oldest in your family. He made you the youngest in your family. He put you in this situation. He gave you everything that he gave you. He delivered it to you and gave it to you. Exactly. You know why? Not to destroy you, but Because once you're able to receive that gift and you're able to accept the fact that this is from Hashem, and I want to talk about this in a second, we'll hopefully get between what that means, that it's from Hashem, but the person hurt me. The person hurt me. So, wait, am I supposed to be upset at Hashem? Am I supposed to be upset at the person who hurt me? I'll suggest, this is parenthetical, maybe both. Maybe you could be both. Maybe they g maybe they ganged up on you. You have your the person now obviously the highest level is when a person realizes that nobody could do anything to me. Nobody could touch me. It's all Hashem. That's already a harder level to get to. But we'll talk about that. But the first step is to realize this thing that you think is your enemy is actually your key to success. this this peopleleasing part that you have, this social anxiety that you have, this problem that you have at home, this challenge that you have with Hashem, whatever it might be, name any problem that anybody can have. When you realize that this is a gift from Hashem for you, then what does the say? then you will be able to take care of it and you'll be fine. You will be fine. You will be fine because part of the problem is usually that I'm fighting the problem. Let's give an example. >> Huh? >> To take cap to capture it. To capture it. It's mine. It's under my my power. It's my I'm the I'm the one who captured it. I'm the boss. I'm the master over it. What usually happens to us? What usually happens to us is like this. What usually happens is we have a problem. We usually have a problem and we get stuck in the fact that I have a problem. This is very very just bear with me. You have a problem. Pick a problem that you have. And what happens is we spend most of the time fighting the fact that I have that problem. So I don't even end up dealing with the problem because I'm so busy beating myself up or challenging myself. Why do I have this? Why do I have this? Why can't I be like this? I should be different. I should be this. I shouldn't be in this situation that I don't even deal with it because I haven't accepted the fact that this is what I need to deal with. this is what I need to deal with and this is what Hashem has given on a platter on a plate to me. And the more it bothers you and the more clear it is that it bothers you, the more it's clear that it's from Hashem because Hashem gives us everything that we need to become who we want to become. He gives us everything. And the more clear it is that this is blocking me, the more a person can stop and say, "Okay, what do I do with that? What do I do with that? Is this something that's something that's going to take me a year to deal with? Is it going to take me two years? Is it going to take me a month? How much therapy do I need? Do I need therapy? What type of therapy is a rebi going to help me? Is this what where is this from?" And most of the time we live in denial which stands for rashavis don't even notice I am lying. What does that mean? Don't even notice I am lying. What does that mean? It means I'm I'm living in the world of like no I'm good. It's all good. I'm all good but you're not good. Why are you saying you're good but you're not good? Okay. Yeah. I'll answer this. I'll answer that. I'll answer that. I'll answer like this. They'll answer like that as opposed for a person to say okay you know what like like Isaac was saying over Shabas so powerful from the yinuka it's really I want to like hear it I just want to hear it again that he said it so clearly like like what did you people think that chuva is people think that chuva is complicated chuva is not complicated chuva is not complicated chuva is being clear and honest that I did this wrong I hurt myself. It's not even Hashem. Hashem's fine. Hashem is fine. I hurt myself. Can I Can I apologize to myself? Do I owe myself an apology for not living the life that I want to live? Maybe I owe myself an apology. Maybe the whole touva, you know, it's funny. Everyone talks about chuva means really to return to some of the sadikim tell us. They tell us it's about returning to yourself. I thought it's about returning to Hashem. What's the answer? It's the same thing. Returning to Hashem means I'm returning to myself. Hashem's fine. Hashem's perfect. Hashem loves me. Hashem loves me. I was going to ask you, Ellia. I want to go through the words. I don't want to do it in this forum, but I'm not sure who's talking. I heard Hashem talking to me in your song, not me talking to Hashem. I want to go through the words. I love the words, but I want to turn it the other way. I'm never going to let go. He's not going to let go of me. He needs me. I don't know the words. But as I was listening a little bit to you, I was like, "Holy cow, that's pretty incredible." Give me another sentence that would work with that >> of your song. I'm just passing. >> What? Okay. Not that one. Something about the yearning of the relationship that what? I'm never going to let you go. I don't know. What do I >> I've got nothing to lose. >> One more. >> All I have is you. >> All I have is you. Maybe Hashem is saying that to us. All I have is you. Because maybe that's true. How crazy would that be if you start flipping? I want to go through the words with you. All I have is you because Hashem needs you. Hashem needs you. Hashem wants you. Hashem created you with your you know what else? Hashem created you with your whatever he he created you with. And he gave that to you. He gave that to you as a gift. He gave that to you so you can so you could accept it and say, "Wow, it hurts sometimes to look in the mirror." Because we don't want to see ourselves because you know what would happen if we saw ourselves and saw the true me. It's not that I would be ashamed of who I am. It means that I might be able to then break out and open up and become who I really can become. Maybe it's that greatness. Maybe it's that greatness that I have within me that I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of seeing the beauty in me. I'm afraid to see how powerful I am. I'm afraid to see how I really can do means it's so close. Maybe I'm okay. Maybe I'm really okay. Maybe I just need to stop being in denial and being afraid of my problems instead of me embracing my problems and saying, "Okay, okay, this is what Hashem gave me. He gave me a mother like this. He gave me a father like this. He gave me a head like this. He gave me the looks that I look like this. He gave me this is what he gave to me. I need to unwrap the gift that he gave me instead of looking at the person next to me, his gift that Hashem gave him." him. I think one of the sadikim said that at the end of the day, if everybody would choose again, h if you would choose again, >> choose again. If you would choose again, the sadikim say very good. I agree, Ruvenona. If mo if it's true that if you would choose again your life and then I'm going to end off with this. I want to hear some feedback and some questions and comments on this one. It's brought down. I'll pee the cif kabala and the sadikim. If you were put down in this world again and you started all over and hashem said this is when you're going to be born. These are going to be the challenges that you're going to go through. This is going to be perfect everything perfect exactly what happened up till right now in your life. You would take it again. You know why? Because deep down that is who you are. And deep down that's who you are. In the moment, in the moment we get lost in the moment, but deep down I would choose the same father, the same mother, the same family to be born at the same time to go through the same exact things that I've gone through till this moment. Incredible. Okay. Question, comments, please. Can't be that. Come on. Someone's got to have something comments, questions. It can't be that clear. Unless it is. >> Just mentioned that. >> Yeah. The way that I heard it is that if Hashem would basically put each funds back >> Yes. You would take that peckle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I wasn't referring to that. That's also true, >> right? That's also true. You would pay all the money in the world for yours, right? They say before a person came down to this world, Hashem showed showed you your whole entire life what you're going to go through. He said, "I'm in." So they say on Russ you say because you swore on that. I'll go down with that. I'll go with that. Go down with that. >> When a person can realize going through life you go through life. >> Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. >> It's even harder as you get to our age a little bit. It's a little bit harder because the the uh the regret is much deeper when you're 18 19 years old. your regret is much less because you've only been around for less. So the less time of damage you've done to yourself, the more the less regret. The older you get, the the harder it is. It's much harder. It's much harder to accept that. >> So thank you. I just want to say thank you so much. Yeah, Mandy. Thank you. Thank you for speaking up. I just welcome. And you have a wonderful son, Mandy. Everybody We're just getting to know him. [Applause] >> Yeah. Yeah. Good. >> You were saying before you were you conquered already at time. >> Yeah. >> Looking back like I see how it was all part of the plan and now it's all worked out, >> right? >> See how at that time it could have been bad and now it's great, >> right? >> What would you say while you're in that situation when you don't see the other side of it? So what's your question then? What? Hey, what >> it's easy sometimes after the situation to see how they >> right how everything backwards >> benefit would you say as a I don't know some advice while you're there >> any while you're in a situation how to make how to how to make the best decision or or when you or you feel you messed up in the moment now it's not in the past is that what you're asking >> no you're during this situation before you see the good side >> meaning it's bad what you've done is you feel terrible about what you've done or whatever it is and you don't >> whatever situation you're in it's not you don't see right now and how it was all great >> right right it stinks >> good that's what I was hoping someone well I'm so I apologize just because we're what Aka thank you aka aka >> so good so you're so if I'm understanding right Aka you're asking so what do I do when it stinks and I messed up or the situation's messed up and I I haven't been able to connect that to Hashem. Is that what you're saying? Great. At that point, I would still be in the world of it stinks. It's terrible and I'm in pain and it hurts me. Remember, anger very important foundation and fundamental to know your whole life. Anger is the cover up of hurt. So when you're angry at someone, you're hurt by somebody. It's much easier to be angry at someone than it is to be hurt to someone. Anger and hurt, the anger, the sadness, we'll call it, is anger turned in. Sadness is anger is sadness turned out. Anger is sadness turned out. And sadness is anger turned in. which means a lot of times I'm angry at someone. It really means that I haven't accepted the fact that I'm hurt by someone. I would start with that. You want to start with where am I at? Am I angry at my father? Am I angry at my mother? Am I angry at that rebby? Am I angry at the system? Whatever that means. Am I angry at this institution? Am I angry at God? Am I hurt? Have I accepted the fact that God hurt me? I feel that Hashem hurt me. I feel that my father hurt me. I feel that my roommate hurt me. So the first step aka which is a great great question and most people bypass which is actually thank you Hashem. It's one of the reasons why I wanted to sing is because we're learning Torah. I wanted it to be clear is that a lot of times we will bypass and say it's all Hashem. It's all Hashem, but I haven't dealt with the pain and the hurt that I have. Is that helpful? >> Okay. >> Shouldn't the goal be to be happy throughout? >> Right. So, so afterwards. >> Okay. Good. So, so you said a word that's a beautiful word, right? And we'll talk about it because it's the beginning of the year. So, we'll do a little Khazara. You said shouldn't you. Now, shouldn't. Should or shouldn't. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. But let me just explain why that's I'll explain to you why why why that's a problem because shouldn't means that I really don't feel that way and I really am hurt and really that person hurt me and really the situation is a terrible situation and it stinks but I shouldn't be hurt. We'll talk about this probably more on no mic Monday. I should be happy with everything that happens to me because I know that Gamulatva and everything is from Hashem. That's a very that's not >> natural. >> And it's not only is it not natural, it's not true. Meaning, yes, do I have a part of me that I know my nishama and there's a part of me that believes that everything is for the good. I'll give you the example that I that I like to give, right? When it comes to hurting your knee, right? If I bang my knee over here and my knee is throbbing, does my knee hurt? Yes. Can I say that it's from Hashem? Yes. Does my knee still hurt? Yes. I like that. Why do I like that example? Because it's very clear. I'm hurt. My knee is throbbing. I'm able to say it's from Hashem. emotionally when we get hurt and there's a raya which is worse emotional hurt or physical hurt >> emotional hurt not because we're in 20025 nothing to do with that in 1939 1941 it's the same thing in the 1800s it's the same thing in the 1700s the 1500s emotional hurt is much more than physical hurt sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never harm me. Whoever made that up lied to you just like the sign that says no Israeli citizen can come in. Same lie. It's not true. That is not true. Depends especially it depends on your love language. If your love language is words of affirmation versus physical touch, your highest primary love language is that for sure names will hurt you much more. But for some reason when it comes to physical hurt, we're able to experience that physical hurt and say it's from Hashem. It's from Hashem. But for some reason, when it comes to nafi, when it comes to emotional stuff, we get all whacked out. We get all whacked out. We get all confused. I am hurt. I'm supposed to be hurt. I shouldn't be hurt. It's all minim. I believe in Hashem. I don't believe in Hashem. This person did hurt me. Whatever it is. And the goal is the goal is to try and be able to separate and hold both at the same time. Good. Okay. That's beautiful. I love it. I love it. >> Okay. Y everybody y Okay, let's wrap up. So, at the end of the day, we'll go for one last one if someone want has something to to add or to say is and it's funny. Thank you Aka because I really a lot of times when we talk about this concept of believing that it's from Hashem most it's the natural thing is it becomes difficult I respect your honesty to ask that question to say I might not be there yet I might still be in the world of that pain and it's so important to to to know yourself to speak to somebody to have a friend to have a rebby to have someone who can help you whether it's a therapist whoever it might be to be able to point out to you that maybe you're not over it, right? Maybe you're not over it, right? Maybe maybe I can't move on, right? You guys all know, right? You don't necessarily have to move on. You might have to >> move in. Move on. Don't move on. Maybe you have to feel the pain more and then you'll be able to let go. Okay, let's do a hill. Any last question, comments? Ari yo. No. Come on, guys. You can't be pointing at each other. So, let's go. What's the show? >> Someone else as we wrap up. Yes. Okay. Ari go Ari. Yeah. Go. Yeah. Yeah. I want to hear like a smart question. >> I was just curious. Explain. Why is it so hard for someone to like see the greatest in themselves? Be good. Great, >> right? I mean why is that? I we could first of all it's for a whole separate um discussion. Great question. First of all, there are a few reasons why. One one one one reason that is I think true for me and I think people might be able to connect to this is because then you have a lot of expectations and I got to do a lot and it's like a pressure it's a responsibility so a little could be a little bit could be a little bit I don't I don't want to say that word so much it's more it's easier sometimes it's easier somes times to be down and out. Sometimes it's much harder to be like, "Wow, like I have a lot to accomplish. I have a lot to do. >> So I I'm afraid to fail. I could fail if I don't have that." That that could be one reason. There are many different reasons. >> Yeah. Yeah. So I'm already I'm already down. >> Okay. Let's do a slash and then we'll wrap up. >> And are you are you on the night thing yet? I want to give a plug for Rabbi Simmons. If everyone knows Rabbi Simmons over here authored I would suggest I would suggest I think Wednesday night you're giving something >> Wednesday night before >> okay great Rabbi Simmons wrote there's there's a book called the 48 and has authored uh many uh amazing books a big of Rabbi Weinberg Noah Weinberg from Asa wrote the book 48 ways um so I just want to give a little plug for Rabbi Simmons to to drink drink his Torah and his wisdom. Looking forward. Let's do a hilas. Who's got a Come on. >> You can pass the mic. >> It's a very intense. We like intense. Go. >> We'll talk about it. Go. >> Louder. >> Louder. If a group is already talking and one comes over purposely in order to listen or one finds company with people who want to talk >> it's beautiful. This person is called a poche. >> Nice. >> Someone who sins will >> right >> al writes which is a tana says keep away from groups who tend to talk ashara. >> Yes. But when Hashem writes down the conversations in the safer aonos, all the participants, even the ones who didn't even open their mouths, >> right, >> be given a terrible name, Kapuras, Russia, >> right? I love it. That's a very It's Yeah. >> of time as you can't even live in a place where people habitually call. >> Yes. That's why we love over here because no one here speaks lashar and we love it. Thank you.