Parsha Perspectives for Today (Toldos, 5782) - Digging Up the Potential

good morning bogartov everyone thank you so much for coming back it's great to see you in person our partial perspectives for today we have the privilege of learning pasha's told us the arts grow stonehenge page 124 as always we want to begin with gratitude and attitude of gratitude and thank our generous sponsors for this season for this year becky and alikata dear friends in memory of becky's father david grossman leela nishmas david ben menachem this morning she was also sponsored in honor of the year outside of tiari ben mayer harry prince by his children recently and prince of teaneck new jersey and his many grandchildren and great grandchildren what a very beautiful tribute what a wonderful wonderful way to honor someone thank you very much if you'd like to sponsor a future sheer we made it simple and easy go on brsonline.org sponsor bsonline.org sponsor and you could sponsor an honorary memory of someone and promote a lot of talmud we would be deeply and forever appreciative okay page 124 in the arts crosstalk parties told us it's great to see many more people coming back it's a shame we're going to pack the place like we used to the energy of talmatora in person live the parsha coming alive our coming alive it's really great to be here i appreciate it very much this is the story these are the offspring this is the progeny of yitzhak the son of avram avram begat it's the one time in your entire life that you use the word begat avraham begat which is another way of saying abram is the father of yitzchak the redundancy we will not explore today we've discussed in the past why does the torah have to present this this son of abraham avram is the father of shanna see how fast we're moving today we're going right to the second passage who was the sister of lovana to for himself as a wife as a wife is identified as rifka bas biswell and rashi jumps in rashi tells us every part of this biographical sketch every part of rifko's resume we already know did we not meet her in last week's pasha did eliezer not painstakingly go and entertain the entire process to explore her resume to call her references he didn't do any of that nourished guide he went to the well he saw her he said she's the one it's time that we go back to the way it was and simplify the process i think we'll see a lot better results okay in any case so eliezer painstakingly found rifka for yitzhak and we know from last week's parasha rivka is the daughter of the sewell she is the sister of lavan she's from padan aram says rashi we have a resume picture no picture we have a resume we know everything about her why does the torah need to repeat what we already know ella says you know why the redundancy the repetition is all in order to praise rivkah in order to speak the beauty the glory of rifka why because here you have rivka she grew up in the home of a low life she grew up in the home of a dishonest corrupt terrible person she had a brother maybe at least her brother would elevate maybe her brother at least was in his brit no her brother walked in her father's footsteps he was a low life he was corrupt she lived in a place maybe at least it was ncs why maybe at least there was a midrash maybe at least there was ability for her to tap into others no she came from a place that was filled with rosham was the product not of her father and not of her brother and not of her community she nevertheless emerged a righteous person she discovered the right path and the torah wants to emphasize that and so here the torah tells us she was extraordinary she was very very special so it's wonderful to say for i've been drawing from the last uh few months with sitka elion which is a collection of bali mustard on the parsha could you imagine this is the greatest thing that you could say about her you're speaking at rivka's bat mitzvah mitzvah you're speaking at rivka and you want to praise the kaala so what this would be kind of awkward i guess to give this praise of the kala assuming her father and brother are there and it's in her community but whatever you want to praise the kala so what are you going to say about her i want you to know her father is terrible her brother's terrible she comes from a terrible community but look at what look what it's adequate she is she's so righteous nonetheless that's the best thing you can say now why in particular is that a compelling question because last week the torah itself testified about rivka's greatness and the torah didn't feel it necessary to say do you know what made rifka great she wasn't like her father she wasn't like her brother she wasn't like her community torah said you know what made her great she had beautiful eyes he's disgusted on shabbos beautiful eyes the gemara beginning of time it says beautiful eyes kagufa instruca you don't have to explore you don't have to examine don't call references don't check resident nothing else has to check out if she has beautiful eyes you're good to go that's it beautiful eyes so the cliaka explains and others very beautifully beautiful eyes doesn't mean that she has beautiful eyes ophthalmologically it means she has a beautiful outlook an iron tov she sees positively she sees the good she seeks the good so the torah tells us tovas barahi she was beautiful not beautiful outside only she was beautiful to us maresa is the kliakar inside she did only a beautiful eye she had a beautiful outlook a beautiful perspective she saw the good that was to be grateful for she didn't complain she wasn't negative she saw the positive she was generous and selfless and magnanimous she was a wonderful person the torah had no shortage of ways to praise rivkah so last week we had pick your choice of how to praise rifka and this week the best thing we could say about her is she wasn't a lowlife like her father her brother or a community so why do i need to take up space to repeat just to tell me something which isn't even the most impressive part about her hello demonstr you took mary so what does he do he brings her into the tent of his mother sarah and russia they're right so yitzhak wanted to know does she check out the things that my righteous mother merited that disappeared with her demise do they return with rifka does rivka fill the shoes of my mother is she righteous like her because manchester came saying they're delicate shadows they're shabbos as long as sarah was alive the candle was lit all week long and the khala had a special taste not that she had a recipe but she imbued it she endowed it to something intangible that you infuse with into what you make that's not doesn't appear in a recipe in a cookbook there was a cloud over the tent and when she died sorry emanu that was it those three things stopped they ceased they were gone and came they were now we're talking now that's praise now that's something nice that you can say now that's a ringing endorsement she wasn't like a low life father like brother low life community that's what the torah this second parasha that we're talking about rifka chooses to invoke so it says this is in fact the greatest of all the praises you can give why because there's a natural instinct and impulse that all of us have god designed us where we are jealous we're envious we naturally compete or compare we naturally imitate the people around us we're easy i saw all of life and all of life is people trying to fit in all of life is trying to compete do we not see the same thing in the world around us keeping up with the joneses the schwartz's they say goldberg but i don't like that i said the schwartz is keeping up with i have to have the car and i have to have the fashionable clothing i have to make a simcha on par i have to look i have to speak i have to act i have to be we're all competing we're all imitating we're all comparing to one another that's life is a goring it causes people to want to appear to dress to look to listen to speak to be copies of one another poor imitations of one another so why did god create us with that instinct why did god give us that drive to compete and compare ourselves to others where is the person i don't know about you when i meet such a person i'm always very drawn to them i'm always very taken to that the people who have the self-confidence to say i'm my own person i i want people to be happy with me i want to be more of an embryos but i don't really care i don't need to keep up i don't need to compare i don't need to compete i don't need to be just like everybody else as long as i look in the mirror i'm happy with myself i think hashem is happy with me good know that's good enough for me i'm always very impressed with such people it's rare it's very unusual most of us we care most of us are concerned most of us are aware of looking around at what people think of us so why would hashem create us with that instinct or impulse why would he design us in that way he wonders so he says you know why because the notion of comparison and competitiveness is not only true in the negative it doesn't just bring us down to do the wrong things it also raises us and elevates us to do the right thing maybe some of you weren't going to come to the partial class this morning but one of your friends texted or spoke to you last night or this morning and said no are you going did you hear it's back in person and they even give out water bottles and they even have granola bars and coffee are you coming so you weren't going to come you were going to stay home you're going to watch online or not watch at all and what drove you to come well they already asked me and they're going and i will look i want to seem like i also care about the parsha how will my children or grandchildren get married if i don't look like i care about the parasha so it could be for the wrong reason but that notion of comparing and competing also we have a lotion of the gemara kennesaw from taraba we know in scholarship competitiveness and scholarship it breeds and it yields breakthrough a person wants to publish a person wants to compete wants to outshine so they learn they review over and over however this competitiveness can also undermine chicano adam alabios can be brought down someone says did you watch did you binge watch that new series did you hear the latest gossip or slander that i have about somebody it could also bring us down hafiz even a person is very righteous and virtuous but in the effort to fit in to compete to compare can be brought down and he goes on many examples but i want to get to more so what's his point why does the torah here tell us this is the greatness of rivka menu of rivky menu messiah came after elohim so how do you know about a person when their righteousness is true it's genuine it's authentic it's lasting how do you know maybe they're just doing it to compete maybe they're chilling to fit in maybe they learn the daffy me when they're in town because they want to be known as a person who goes to the da fyomi when you're looking around but when they're elsewhere when they're on the business trip or where they live elsewhere ah they don't bother with the daffy only because nobody's looking how do you know how do you know if the length of the shimono esrae is because the person is really mindful of what they're saying or maybe they want to have the longest one of us rain the shul they're already competing for next year's mafiaona how do you know how do you know so says redemption you know how you know because when they're around the wrong influence are they still righteous and virtuous are they brought down the greatest testament the greatest testimony we could say about someone is that they're righteous and virtuous even when they're among those who aren't that they didn't blend in and they didn't compromise and they didn't dilute their righteousness that they didn't try to just fit in and give up on who they were so yeah there's so many there's so much praise that we could offer about rifka so many wonderful things we can say and we did say in last week's pasha and yet when we identify her here in the beginning of this next story she's rifka bas pasuo and she's the sister of lovan and she comes from padana she comes from a terrible community and she grew up with terrible influences with siblings and her father was no good and pressured her to be a bad person and with that all despite the natural inclination we all have to fit in despite being conditioned by the nurture around us rifka rose above it she transcended it she was able to be who she was even above it he doesn't write this but i would humbly suggest maybe in that way she even surpassed she even surpassed uh in that way her schwein her father-in-law for abram to become who he was meant to be go discover who you're meant to be what did he need to do this negative influence you'll never discover the real you you'll never be the best version of yourself if you are surrounded by people who bring you down if you're surrounded by a community and a family who corrupt you who compromise you who pressure you to not be your best so you need to go out if you're going to be the best you if you're going to discover who you really are you have to rise above you have to transcend rifka lives in her family with her brother with her father in her community and now we know how righteous she really is she's able to fulfill her she discovers who she is she lives her best self not by escaping not by running away but even while being immersed in and among her family wow that's rifka now that's a shavach that surpasses even the praise in last week's passion so next time you have to speak at a shabbat brochus if you think of the praise you want to say you say even though the fathers are low life and the brothers are low life and the community are low lives i'm just giving you the best praise don't ever say that don't try it at home i'm just joking but you see this was the best praise this was the most compelling praise that we could offer about rifka about rifka emanuel says the helicopter i love to use the new safar in my gap mostly to just encourage you to get me farim because i'll use them in the parish class i'm just joking but when you get new swarm it's ashkaja that there's something in that safer that you're meant to share in the pasha so i've also been sharing this msv amuna this collection of the teachings of the katsukareba the menachemental of kotsk the helicocker so the kotskir says the following we know that yitzchak can rift guard baron let's keep going they suffer with infertility among if not the most painful thing a couple or a person could bear we can't imagine we have to all be so sensitive i preach and i teach and i try to practice all the time because if you've ever sat next to somebody who's in a puddle of tears with the unrealized dream of having children a continuity a future then it has to change you we have to be so much more careful about how we speak and what we take for granted and what we assume i i feel very strongly that we do a disservice to our children maybe their senior year in high school or yeshiva in seminary or certainly by their hassan and kala classes we should mention that a third of pregnancies end in miscarriage in the first trimester one third of pregnancies end in miscarriage in the first trimester that it's not so simple how do children grow up they grow up in their school and they read in the newsletter and they hear the announcement of friday night mazel tov another shalom zakhar another baby we're naming another girl so they grow up and they assume that first of all maybe they should be told nothing so simple but they just assume the day i choose i'm ready to get married a month later i'll be engaged and then when we choose we're ready to have a baby nine months later we'll have a baby life is not so simple and we should never take it for granted and we should warn so that we strengthen even before it happens so our great abbas and emo's we're barren the most righteous are the ones that hashem puts in that position because he longs for and loves their daviding and there is no more sincere to feel in the world than the tzfila of the person who themselves is desperate was here for shabbos a couple of weeks ago that we quoted all the time was here for shabbas he spoke to charles and he said a vote we had said in the pasha clip i copied this all the time instead of just joking it's the opposite we use this age damage all the time so he said why was load answered and avraham wasn't because his life was on the line the more desperate and personal it is to you the more authentic that feel there is no more authentic feeler than a person who wants to have children we spoke about this last year two years ago listen to all the old parsha shiram there's good stuff in there too it's not mine it's all the torah i'm sharing from others what does it mean on behalf of his wife what he was good such a tough guy such a man ah it doesn't bother me i'm not crying i'm not struggling with infertility it's for her she said i want to make her happy what does it mean she was barren she was infertile hashem answered him and not her why did hashem answer him and not her what does it mean hashem was answering because even though rivka david says sincerely such earnesty nevertheless you can't compare the prayer of the righteous the child of a righteous compared to the child the prayer of the righteous the child of a wicked so we spoke about last week or two years last year or two years ago i would have thought it'd be the opposite didn't we just say a moment ago that the greatest praise of rivkah is that she grew up in that environment and yet she emerged a rifka if that's the greatest praise we could say about her shouldn't her merit be greater than yitzhak big deal yitzhak you grew up in the home of avram so you turned out of yitzchak big deal you're the greatest rebbe you're the greatest role model you're the greatest parents in the world so you turned out of yitzhak not impressing me rifka you grow up with jesus you grew up with love and you came a rifk it's unbelievable so shinto have been the opposite shouldn't hashem have been more predisposed to listen to the prayer of rifka over yitzhak so we shared layoffs here one in sight peter you'll remember it from last year that's what i thought so we shared last year the insight somewhat counter-intuitively that you know what when you grow up among roshan and you're so turned off and you're so disturbed and you're so bothered by that corruption by that wickedness by that evil you say i want no part of that i'm going to be a good person you grew up in the home of an avram and you say to yourself how in the world can i measure up i can't compare i can't compete i'll never be an avraham so you know what i'm not gonna try because if i try and i fail that will be worse than if i never try many gadoli soul have children who struggle who go off the derek in fact many rabbanim many russia yeshiva because those children say if my parent has certain achievement or accomplishment or even fame deservedly so how will i compete how can i compare how will i ever measure up so i'm not going to bother i'm not going to bother yitzhak never used that cop out he never used that escape that excuse he never failed to try because he was afraid of failure so that's even greater to be a yitzhak in the home of an avram where you might have said i'm not going to bother how could i compete that was even better good horror now we're up to the qatar that was last year we've all learned this rashi a thousand times but we didn't bust off to ask that question the cutscore asks cutscene says i don't understand yitzhak they want a child they're desperate they both david possibly tells us who's answered because yes looks more righteous says no they both answered they both wanted a child that got a child what do you mean just it wasn't like it's like davening i'm dominating dominique davening davening that uh the yankees won the world series and she's dominating dominique davening davening that if she gets a new diamond bracelet and hashem answered she got a new diamond bracelet and the yankees were knocked down in the playoffs hashem answered her not him or him and not they weren't dominating for two conflicting things they weren't dominating for opposite things they're dominating their interests were aligned they're both dominating for a child and they have a child so they're both answered so how could the torah tells us tell us that he was answered not her and we could learn from that that hashem is more predisposed to the answer that's feel of the righteous the child of the righteous than the righteous the child of the wicked they were both answered good question yeah it's a good hello it's a good question did any of you ever think of it none of you ever think none of you thought of it yes lomar i'm going to cut score over you any day no offense vie schlommer russia here's the deal that's going to change your understanding of pasha's told us so listen carefully both of them knew that she was going to be pregnant with twins and both of them knew one of the twins would be righteous and the other wicked ye so their interests were aligned that they wanted a child or children but here's where their interest went separate ways you ready listen carefully but said look no mediocrity i don't want mediocrity i wasn't raised on mediocrity and i don't want mediocrity so i'd rather have it sadly got more i want one who's going to be complete sadiq even if it means the other will be a russian gummer they'll both be excellent at what they do one will be excellent being righteous and the other will be the most phenomenal thief will be the most excellent russia in the world but excellence it's who we are it's what we stand for no mediocrity no compromise rivka says honey deer i don't know what she called them what are you crazy russian said you know what i'll take mediocrity in sidchus if it means i'll be a mediocre russia i'll take them both being mediocre over having a completely excellent wick in russia russia and that's what the torah was telling us yitzhak was answered not rivkah why because there was a yitzhak was at the gamer there was a yaakov was a tad that got more and it was an ace so it was a russian gummer so you see the torah answered yitzhak didn't answer if it changes your whole understanding of pastors told us changes the whole beginning of the passion katsuka was worth you waking up and driving down from wherever you came from aside from the granola bar and the water bottle and the coffee it was worth it for this kotskar changes everything that's how the torah knew their interests were aligned partially but at some point their interests split and when they split hashem answered yitzhak over rivka now who was right it's an interesting question if you were given that choice i know what you're going to say my children they're just sadiq they're perfect they're amazing they're unbelievable they're perfect but if you were given that choice you had twins they would both be excellent although one wouldn't be excellent in the way you want or they'll both be mediocre so at least even though they won't be mediocre in the way excellent the way you want but at least they'll also not be excellent in the way you don't want which would would you side with rifkor erasive it's an interesting question mediocrity mediocrity okay moving right along she conceives not one many people who struggle with infertility due to treatments today ultimately they have multiples laissez rotatsu she has multiples she says why me what was me why me what was she saying what was me and why me no she said why me so she went to go speak to hashem there's a lot of questions to ask on this first of all where did she go to speak to shamrock she tells us where did she go is she besheam behavior she went to the nearby what do you mean you need to know what to do you go find the nearby rashashima that's torah here's the question she lived with the russia shiva she was married to a russian shiva she's the representation of the god of adore she went to go visit someone else in the moats of gadoliatora she went to a different rush of shiva she went to a different rabbi why is she going through the yeshiva shame neighbor she's married to yitzhak something's going on in here i'm uncomfortable but hashem you want to know what hashem has to say go to your husband why didn't you go to yitzhak is an interesting question and allah don't be upset you feel this conflict rashi tells us she walked by the base of madrid kicking to get out she walked by the base of a desert the house of idolatry kicking to get out so she was very disturbed very upset understandably so sasha man said no no no don't be upset you're pregnant with twins it's two nations and they're gonna go very different directions and don't worry the older one's gonna serve the younger ones don't worry and what happens next how does rivka react what does torah say nothing it doesn't tell us how she reacts in fact leads us to believe that she's satisfied that explanation appeased her she's comforted she's so distraught i go by the basement should i go by the base of audezara who is this kid oh it's two nations you're gonna have a good rusher you're gonna have a good salary oh that's the oh now i'm good to go i don't understand i don't understand so the old distraught the actor of the officer of amnesia the after of say for all this raw is how can you find the mitzvah amazing swirl in every parsha every single parasha has israel the theme the essence the core of the jew is to love other jews love other jews love all jews love jews this past sunday night i was invited to a live podcast that went on for two hours it was a fantastic conversation so it's hosted by uh not a community in boca it's hosted by people in lakewood by another community so the host told me before and that several people had called to complain i was being hosted i was on they had a long list top 10 reasons i'm a russia fine they were very interesting i'll share them with you at one point you could put them to a vote if you agree in the top ten but one of them is that i recently posted a picture that i had spent time with a local reform rabbi with my arm around him i said we're two brothers i didn't endorse that ashkaffa that denomination that belief that lifestyle i said with two jewish brothers abhas israel obviously israel makes me a russia i want to be a russian gummer i was israel to love a fellow jew to love all jews so the owen israel the after of yeshua he says a woman struggles with infertility for a long time she's finally pregnant and she throws up a lot you'll excuse me but she throws up a lot it happens pregnancy comes with pain hashem if you've been near people have been pregnant you are so good to hear a lot about the discomfort and the pain that they're in there's nausea there's kicking there's backaches there's all kinds of other problems that arise blood flow there's all kinds of blood clots there's all kinds of problems you think this woman struggled with infertility she cried her heart out she darvened her heart out she's pregnant now she's throwing up she's lamaza why megan why you guys why you isn't this what you're dobbing for what is she crying and catching about lamazano though if you saw the after of says fletching crying you're talking about menu talking the mouse don't fetch them cry for no reason they're not ingrates that she's finally pregnant so what is she crying about why is she crying i want to read through the whole thing it's already halfway through rashford says god sorry and becoming pregnant only to be in this much pain there's a pellegodon sitka siddiques she wasn't willing to withstand the discomfort and the pain of pregnancy in order to be able to have children talking about it's addictious here what's going on with the problem she already heard about she she hung out with the women she went to the women's chair she did she was on the woman's cover she's in sadegas she heard from pregnant women that it's painful she loses comfort this is such a surprise she nevertheless longed for and wanted and hoped and diamond for children knowing the pain it came with and the answer is you're pregnant with twins so she says i'm so nauseous i have such a pain in my side my rib cage feels like it's about to explode my back is killing me you have twins oh i have twins okay fine i can endure the nausea and the back pain and the broken ribs how does that appeaser how does that make her happy did any of these questions ever bother any of you have anyone ever studied the passion before has anyone ever listened to the passion before i'm just joking i'm not in a very cynical mood this morning my point is you learn the parasha when we wonder how come i have to read the same parsha every year i heard it already since i'm five years old what do i have to still read the same parasha because you know every year you read the parsha it's a new you every year by the time you read the parsha it's a new you it's a new parsha it's a new world we're living in it's a new parsha the insights that we're going to extract and take out is pasha perspectives for today so says the after of answering all these questions she had an unusual pain she had never heard about this kind of pain she had such a discomfort no one she ever knew had such a discomfort uh she knew that if this was causing her such pain this this young little child inside her this guy was going to be special such a russia never existed before this tumult happening inside her this was the result of this was a wickedness and an evil this guy insider was bad news foreign from from the top to bottom this guy was going to be up to no good atma so here she is lying in bed at night and she's saying to herself i don't understand i waited so long i diamond so hard only to give birth to such a rush of burusha hashem i could tell by the pregnancy i'm having that this kid inside me is not going to grow up to be the god of door i could tell that the kid inside me by the pain and discomfort he's causing me is a no good nick so that's why i waited so long and that's why i dabbing so hard what did i do wrong where did i go wrong so what did she conclude what did she conclude she's lying in bed all night she can't sleep for nine months she says there's little russia that's growing inside me why why me what did i do wrong i tried to be righteous i tried to be good i was in the kadisha and the community and i went to the word mid rashan i did everything right why me so what did she conclude no enza me show russia she said it must be something about my dna it's not me i've lived i've tried to live a righteous life ella my what must it be it's my dna it's the people before me shibas that in fact the only reference for a shidduch should be tell me about her mother's brother because people take after the mother's brother something about the hairline too but people take after the mother's brother so she says you know this kid must have the genetics the physical and spiritual genetics of my brother of my father me i've tried to live a righteous life i'm not deserving of this russia so why how could it be that i'm growing this terrible russia inside me it must be because it must be because my father and my brother the father the mother each contribute different genetics why is this kid taking exclusively after my side of the family okay so the dna of my father and my brother is pretty miserable but the dnf of dna of my father-in-law my mother-in-law you don't get more righteous than that so i understand the negative contribution genetically from my side of the family what about what about from the side of the family what about from the side of the family so he veena me godot sarah uber she understood from all of her pain but tell me i need she turns to hashem and she says why is this child anoki why is this baby only taking after me yeah i come from love on i come from vesual but yitzhak also contributed dna to this child and he comes from abram and sarah salamaze why don't worry one's taken after your husband and one's taken after your side of the family and that's why she's appeased and that's why she's comforted and with this explains the obiswan the opterov is what really bothered her and this is why she was appeased by the answer that she that she received okay gives an answer from the dumpster but we don't have time let's keep going these little kindle of are born and now they emerge they grow and we know that when they grow they differentiate they become distinct they reach their own person is characterized as a hunter man of the field yaakov is characterized as tam yoshif holland so they're each distinguished by who they are back to our the sith back to our collection of muslim insights so we usually think of the difference between yaakov and asiv is the difference between utsadak and russia that's the narrative that we have of this parasha awakening jewish child in the middle of the night yaakov is sadiq and asap is the russia yaakov is the hero and asap is the villain they represent categorically different they're archetypes one is the archetype of a hero and one the archetype of a villain i just wanted an excuse to use the fancy word archetype however the ballet mustard say not so passionate not so simple not so quick posix says and if asa is the model is the archetype of a wicked person how could yitzhak the spiritual heir of avram how could gita go so wrong if it's so obvious to all of us that asap is so wicked how could yatra go so wrong by embracing him so says there were redeemable and lovable things about asap asa was not this categorically wicked evil rejecting person now this is the parsha when you want to talk about we want to talk about how we raise our children turn to here this is not me but refer and others say that yitzhak and rivka made a mistake trying to raise their children exactly the same they squeezed them into the same box they told them to both sit yaakov had this fly she was easy for him to sit and learn asa was running all over had a lot of passion had a lot of energy and yet you said to him sit still what do you do you turned him into an asap you tried to stifle you tried to suffocate you tried to mold you tried to compare you try to make him live different than who he was that's why we see who else i don't remember did i share this last week who else is described in tanaka's admonish who else is admoni shared character traits with asap not wickedness he too was filled with passion energy enthusiasm dynamism challenged into being the greatest poet in history he challenged it into being among the greatest warriors in history challenged it and challenged it into being the great king of history but asap was being stifled he became a native so it may be convenient and comfortable for us to look at children our own or others and say that's the saddik and this little one's the russia this is the good boy and that's the this is the good girl and that's the bad girl it's not so simple children are complicated and they're nuanced and they have redeemable qualities and beautiful virtues also while they have liabilities but what do we see do we only see in them the liability do we judge them on the surface or do we see that which is redeemable that which is deep and says that was the mahlokas of yitzhak rivka was looking in the world of action here's the bottom line of their behavior we've never been called in the principal's office for yaakov and we're there every day for asap so yaakov's the man and yitzuk says not so fast honey asap has such potential do you know who asap is inside do you know asana is under the surface do you see the redeemable in him do you see the virtue in him that maybe no one else sees that maybe he himself doesn't yet see tell us for example that ace of excel did what mitzvah keep it and i never came one 100th close to the way asaph honored his father so what why didn't rashmigam will honor his father the same way we will deal he wasn't talking about the actual act of honoring his father measured up in terms of the actual act of honoring his father is characterized he is a role model asap is the one we still point to who excelled not only in action but an intent in quebec the guru rights in this rights orchestrated that entire ruse that yaakov received the bracha had yitzhak given the bracha to as was originally intended then the swat and the twelve tribes would have come from asap so has redeemable asap has potential you know the story is head was cut off and rolled in ace of heads buried in mars of march what does that mean that asa was a very conflicted person from his neck up he was very righteous from his neck up he wanted to do the right thing and he had the right beliefs and he was driven by the right values but from the neck down he couldn't help himself his goof the world of taither the world of desire temptation he sabotaged everything about him so his body couldn't make it into the marathon fellow with the righteous but his head made it in his body couldn't make it in but his head made it in but his head made it in so if your home says what was his downfall you see this in the past is the fact that he had to be a hunter nobody could have a time on him he was hungry he needed food he wanted leather he had to be a hunter but he defined himself by that you know you can't complain that somebody works hard they want to have a lot of money they need to pay day school tuition buy kosher food the question is does that define you do you confuse making a living and living asap defined himself by how he made a living he confused making a living and living he was an ish yodayatsyad what made him an ish what was his very identity his character his core as opposed to yaakov how was yakov identified what's his character he's an ish he's an ish tom yoshi he also had to make a living but he's defined by his learning he's defined by sitting and learning that's what he does that's what he does so burkham says don't over simplify life it's not that yaakov is the archetype of tzitkus and asim is the archetype of wickedness it's complex it's complicated there's potential and our mission our responsibility is to draw out our responsibility is to draw out and we do that by how we define ourselves we don't define our children if we define them isho they are saying we turn them into an asaph you are the bad things that you do we come home from that principal's office do we say to the child why do you have to be such a bad boy why are you such a bad girl or do we say you're an unbelievable boy you're an unbelievable girl you're potential nobody believes in you as much as i believe in you this is what's great about you and that's what's great about you and i'm so proud of this and i'm so proud of that but how could such a great boy and a great girl behave in such a way what is our parenting do we lock them in the box do we define them do we label them that they can't break out from underneath it they turn into an ace of do we say you're an issue that's this is who you are you're the bad boy the bad girl you're the stubborn or you're the one who never helps or you're the one who always procrastinates and the one who always yells the one who's always jealous how do we define them how do we define them or do we see the potential that's deep inside them that's why that's why it's suggested later that yitzhak becomes so obsessed with digging wells what are you digging wells everything we learn about yitzhak is passive he was a passive participant in the akedah he was a passive participant in the wife being found for him when do we find yitzhak as this major active protagonist we find him digging wells re-digging wells digging while digging wells what's the obsession with the wells so a well when you have a pit you dig a pit and the rain water fills the pit a well reveals the water that was underground all along when hugger is expelled from the house of avram it says she opens her eyes and she's dehydrated she's thirsty but she sees the well the well was there all along you have to open your eyes and find what's there all along the idea of a well is the wellspring there's water there's malatora there's virtue and there's value and is that which is redeemable it's there all along the potential but you have to reveal it you have to expose it you have to remove the cover to it so that it can be seen that's a yitzhak yitzchak lives in the world not of as is but he lives in a world as he wishes and wants it to be he sees the potential so he believes in asap rivka says asap look at the reality look empirically look at the data look at who he is says don't look at who he is look at who he could be there's a wellspring inside there's a potential let's dig let's uncover it gets filled up you get sent to the principal's office let's dig again let's keep digging let's not give up let's continue to dig let's keep digging that is the attitude of a of a yitzhak that's the attitude of a of a yitzhak a very different approach altogether friedlander of ponovich friedlander he yeshiva he says that the torah describes yaakov as in the present tense he's a yo yoshif oh alim not somebody who sat in the tent he didn't graduate from yeshiva he is yoshev he sits in the tent he continues to sit in the tent and there's a very powerful lesson a very powerful lesson there's a book by vlopyansky called bentoro for life if you haven't read it you should it's a fantastic book been together for lifeyansky says that tragically many boys finish yeshiva they're done with konyishiva or kolo and now they're a balabas they work they're in the workforce they're out there in the world and they don't know how to transition and they don't know how to bring the bentora who they worked so hard to become into a life in which they now need to balance it with a family with work so they no longer find the time to learn torah they no longer make it to davao with a minion they no longer strive to guard their eyes the way they once did when they were living aspirationally spiritually you have girls who in seminary are learning and growing and doing and volunteering and then they get married and now now i'm uh and now i'm just struggling to get by so they're no longer spiritually aspirational so he wrote a book called bentoro for life how do we bring the values and that aspiration that we don't graduate that mindset but we bring it for life i understand there's a yeshiva you know some yeshivas not all yeshivas but in some yeshivas the boys wear a white shirt dark pants it's the address of the ishida boy so there's one yeshiva i understand where they dafko want the boys and ask the boys to wear colored shirts while they're in yeshifa why because they say if your whole life you wear a white shirt and now you're going to go to work you're going to be a lawyer you're going to be a count you're going to be in corporate america you're going to be on wall street and you're going to wear a blue shirt another colored shirt another shirt you're going to have felt you know what when i dressed like the bento i was the bentora but now i put on the uniform of the malabas i became a bala boss but if you realize that even when i wear the blue shirt i'm still a bentoro in yeshiva i'm a benalia in the blue shirt and when you graduate you wear the blue shirt you're gonna be a benalia for life not that the color shirt you wear has any impact on what level of righteousness you are i'm not saying that but it's an interesting world view and philosophy so it says fridlander yaakov is an ish yoshev he is not yashav he didn't sit he wasn't a bentora when he was in yeshiva shame of ever he's a bentora for life he's the original bentoro for life he's yoshev wherever he is and whatever he's doing he's still in yeshiva the mindset of yeshiva the attitude of yeshiva the vigilance of yeshiva the aspiration of yeshiva he's yoshi of old and not in the past tense but in the present tense he doesn't give up he is continuing and continuing for life we mentioned previously he's yoshif not oh hell he didn't learn in one yeshiva oh i should have mentioned this sunday night when i spoke about the character on this podcast and i spoke about this vision of not locking ourselves into some narrow world view in torah but the kaleidoscope the pair have the have the panoramic view of total world and draw from the best of it i'm an ashkenazi and it's i'm all wrapped in one i'm a modern and a zion i'm all wrapped in i'm all wrapped in one a panoramic view of yiddish guy draw from the shivan panama torah so note that yaakov was not yoshi oh hell he didn't say i learned this yeshiva this is the only rush of shiva i quote i london shiva this is the only correct ashkaf in life yaakov's i have yoshi ask them to have me back on such a great yoshi of ohio not one tent he sits in many tents he learns many libraries he exposes himself to many influences yeshivas he learns from many many diverse and different places back to the kotzker like we're in such trouble we barely scratched the surface of what we wanted to get done back to the cutscore asap is described as kitsay bef yitzhak how do you translate those words game was in his mouth syed hunting was in his mouth verifo have a says yakov loves yakov asam is drawn too too uh yitzhak is drawn to asaf hainu says the khatsukur rak bef where was this syed for asav however he defined saya will say in a moment where was it it was bifid it was in his mouth the low belief not in his heart bizzo and that is the understanding of the gemara navadzara the kimarana says isafra isafra losaifa what is safra the book and what is sifa the sword the gemara sets it up as either or if you're the sword you're not the book if you're the book you're not the sword so the katsuka makes this very cryptic allusion to the gemara zara and says that sight of asa was in his mouth and his mouth not in his heart and that's what the gemara means a sword that divides between the head and the heart is not the book what's he talking about so the author of the ugly tower of burns team so he explains the following to be called from the world of kosk the call me name is you could be exposed to and you could learn you could watch and you could listen and you can get whatsapp one minute videos of the most inspirational things in the world but it'll remain just in your head it remains intellectual it remains academic it remains theoretical um how many people he says among the nations the world but true among the jewish people we know things to be true in our head but it never filters or flows down to our heart so we claim to want we want to want we say we're inspired we have a certain vision of who we can be but it doesn't ever become a reality even the person who knows intellectually that the taiva of this world is corruptive it remains in the head level it is not moved nothing penetrates nothing cracks or breaks it open and we know that our action is dependent not on our head but in our heart the torah torah has the secret sauce the torah has this incredible power that when you learn it it filters down it doesn't just it's not just downloaded intellectually to your head it transforms you in your heart um death by sword saith one of the armaments based in is to your head cut off not literally what they did but the image of a sword is for one's head to be cut off why is the punishment of having violated certain egregious mistakes for your head to be cut off says the soccer shower from the world of cuts what caused you to make that mistake because maybe you knew the right thing in your head it never came down to your heart so what's your punishment we detach your head from your heart if you live life with your head separate and apart from your heart then your punishment is pretty gruesome but we detach your head from your heart decapitated there are people walking around who are decapitated even while they're alive their head and their heart have never met they never communicate they never filter down this is why we say we quote know today that there's a god know what's right know what you're meant to do and where should you put this knowledge because otherwise you're living in decapitated existence this is why you're not allowed to talk between the head feeling and the armed felon you can't be decapitated even while you're in this world asap live decapitated so his head is in mars the rest of them couldn't be in there and that's what cryptically the cutscore was saying and tira adams if you see someone who's living without their head and their heart communicating you see someone living as if they're decapitated even while they're alive it's araya the lo safra shalom somebody who's steeped in the values the learning of torah te da de los saif this is a person who's not decapitated they're not dying by the sword their head and their heart are in constant communication high speed kiskulas so says from the world of cuts that that's what the katsuraba meant saif and safra do we live in decapitated existence or our head and our hearts speaking to one another asap is an issue that he characterizes this is the sum total of who he was maybe in theory he was righteous maybe it was right to see the potential but it wasn't actualized and it didn't come out into the reality we're about a third of the way of what i wanted to share so many other fantastic ideas let's just share very quickly along the same theme in the same puzzle so why didn't why didn't rivka throw asiv out of the house if myself was similar bottom if we're supposed to follow what we saw earlier what did sarah do when yeshmal misbehaved and sarah was threatened that her yitzhak or pure sadiq was going to become corrupted by ishmael what did she do throw him out of the house so why did rivka say asap's got to go he has got to go myself we learn from those who came before why doesn't she say gotta go so i just got this new safer this week called maggid yosef i got it but the author the author is of yosef yundaleigh brother and tell stone today asarotskin his son and their family just moved to our community he was visiting his son and they brought me his satisfaction beautiful magen yosef sarotkin from yeshua's telestone so he says why didn't rivka learn from sarah the fundamental difference between them this is the obvious distinction sarah was the stepmother of ishmael so it's easy for her to say get ishmael out but rifka is the mother of asaf and a mother mother never gives up on a child as much as she chose yaakov she never gave up on asap she never gave up on isa so that would be the easy answer to give vote near alpine also when they were in their youth it wasn't obvious remember the pasta says it was only when they grew up that they were differentiated also and once they were grown up there's not the same influence one on the other so that's the second answer is remember what hashem said you're so concerned you feel the kicking it's two nations you're gonna have twins and don't worry me me from your womb yee paradu they will separate so she thought one will not have an influence on the other there are two separate distinct nations even within the womb so you don't have to worry venerably tantamount or maybe you could say the reason rifka wasn't worried was why where was yaakov found all day in a place of a place that ace have never visited yaakov sat burning the midnight oil midnight candle in the basement it was yoshi of oala no worry asap wasn't going to go into the basement to have a negative influence on him reason number three and then he gives five more possibilities asap was mocked but i keep it up so maybe there was still hope for him sarah had no hope for ishmael but maybe rivka still had hope for asov because she saw his his or maybe rifkin never told yitzhak about his vicious it's unclear the pillow talk between rifk and yitzhak here this parish are next parsha unclear what they spoke about in terms of what they saw in their children and their hope for their children also rift could do in kodesh that asa was going to sell the before to yakov if she would expel him then that would have never happened and yaakov wouldn't have received the brachas and also a service like him asa was duplicitous but at least he put forth like he was living like a righteous ishmael never did that he has several beautiful reasons i had many many more ideas i wanted to share about the re-digging of the wells i wanted to get to at the end of the party i'll just give you a little teaser for next year parshas told us we have three sukkam on the brachas in the episode of stealing the brachas three sukkam that describes we're talking about grown men and we're still talking about the older and the younger the big brother and the little brother and we don't do it anywhere else in all of commission of tanach only in these trips and members in this pair of zion three times in paragraph zion asap is the god of the older brother and yaakov is the kat on the younger brother why specifically in that story are we invoking guddal and kathan is a ramban and a civ and an amazing insider of schwab but you have to come back next year in order to hear them or you can look them up yourself a beautiful beautiful insight join us tomorrow morning 10 minutes of meaning living with the moon tomorrow night we're going behind the bhima with the chief rabbi visitor of david lao have a fantastic day to happy stay healthy and stay holy