Parsha Mishpatim: Did You Unknowingly Harm Your Children? What Should You Do Now?

Welcome everybody. Thank you for blessing us with your presence this morning. Especially those who braved the weather. I was yesterday in Florida. I went for an event. So, the contrast between the two weathers is quite dramatic. I still have an affinity for New York. I like the change of seasons. I love when it snows. I like to see the world in white. But still, it's cold. As the airlines say, you had many choices where to be this morning. You couldn't have You could have even sat on your couch and listen to the class. So, I appreciate We appreciate everyone who's actually physically here. And of course, we appreciate everybody who's virtually here as well, especially if you're out of town and you couldn't brave the weather this morning. And even if you're in town, we appreciate it. Okay, today's class is dedicated by a very dear friend, Mr. and Mrs. Reb Nachman Goodman, in honor of the engagement of their grandson, Moshe Hammer, to Ahuva Kazernovsky. Mazel tov to the chassan and to the kallah. Mazel tov to the parents of the chassan and kallah, Liora and Yossi Hammer, and Rifka and Shmuel Kazernovsky. And mazel tov, of course, to the Goodman family and to the grandparents. Mazel tov. May it be a binyan adei ad, larichus yomim v'shanim tovim, a marriage and home overflowing with love and joy and serenity and abundant blessings materially and spiritually to you and the groom and the bride and the whole family, b'toch Klal Yisrael. And thank you very, very much for your partnership, always. I also want to dedicate this class to a young child who's actually a relative of mine who fell very ill. And I want to dedicate this class also to his refuah shleimah, Naftali Kroyver ben Tzalah Yehuda ben Chana Henya. May he have a complete and speedy recovery, b'karov mamash. And you're in our thoughts and prayers, the boy and the entire family. May we hear only good news for everybody, b'toch Am Yisrael u'v'nigleh. Parshas Mishpatim, this week's portion, could seem like, forgive my irreverent expression, could seem like a letdown. After a book and a half filled with riveting stories, portion after portion after portion, and you never get bored of these stories, even if you read them for 50 years or 40 years or 30 years, again and again and again, you could still read them again and still see that you didn't understand a single word. And there's always more and more. And yet, after a book and a half full filled with stories and narratives from one extreme to another, the whole Bereishis is one long story, and then the first half of Shemos is a long story, finally, the Torah says, "Okay, fun is over. Now it's time to get down to business." And pun intended, cuz Parshas Mishpatim is all about business, getting down to business. V'eileh hamishpatim, this is how the laws should be organized and taught to the Jewish people. And suddenly, from extraordinary, dramatic, profound, emotionally charged narratives, stories, vignettes, episodes, diaries, and profound existential dramas, we uncover a por- We uncover a portion with an emphasis on intricate, nuanced detail of very mundane laws. What happens if my ox gores your ox the first time, the second time, the third time, the fourth time? What happens if I dig a pit and your donkey falls in to that pit? What happens if I borrow something from you? I borrow an animal from you and it dies, or I borrow a computer from you and it breaks down. What happens if you give me something to guard and it gets stolen? Et cetera, et cetera. All of the many of the civil laws of halacha, of Jewish law, including theft and murder, and servitude, and what are the obligations of people to each other, especially when there are disputes and debates. This is all the main thrust of a large portion of Parshas Mishpatim. I say at the surface it could be a letdown, because the truth is, as the Gemara says, "Maylin b'kodesh." It's not a letdown, it's actually an elevation. It's an elevation because at the surface at base laws seem very, very technical. When you go to a deeper space, you see that each law is really a container of very profound ideas. The laws are only containers, they're keilim, they're vessels that house within them very, very profound and relevant ideas. Over the years, we have discussed some of these laws. What is more, the laws grow out of all the stories previously. They're not laws that are communicated in a vacuum. Here's a set of laws. Rather, each and every halacha grows out, it emerges. It's literally like a tree that grows from a seed. From all of the stories and narratives and experiences and dramas and highs and lows and mistakes and errors and triumphs and victories of humanity and the Jewish people in Bereishis and Shemos. And in this class, b'ezras Hashem, with God's grace, we're going to take one of these laws. It's would seem pretty irrelevant to most of our lives, and thank God it would seem irrelevant to most of our lives. You'll see why. And we're going to point out what would seem like to be a technical error of placement. But in the Torah, these types of errors, quote and quote, are always extremely insightful. In other words, whenever something does not written the way it should be written, it's out of place, wrong context, wrong words, something strange, that's where you stop. That's where you pause. Because that's where you got to go a little deeper. You know, it'd be like if you come into your dining room and there's a tish tuch, there's a tablecloth over the table, and it's smooth and it's flat on the table, you go on to the kitchen. But when you see that in one place the tablecloth is elevated, it's creased, it's uneven, and one part is up, it's very elevated, so now what do you do? You pick up the tablecloth to see what came under it. The Torah is filled with such bumps and creases. The tablecloth is never ever flat on the table. There's always something wanting. Why? Why? As somebody once said, "Most stories were intended to put people to sleep. It's a good story, Cinderella, they lived happily ever after, and now close your eyes, my malach, and go to sleep. It's been a long day and there's school tomorrow." The stories in the Torah and Tanach are meant to wake people up. And therefore, they never end with happily ever after. Never. There's always like, "But but I still don't understand." Good. Stay up. Stay awake. The questions of life that keep people alert and alive. So, when you see every these mistakes, these errors, it's the tablecloth that's elevated, so we could pick it up and see what's happening. Credit for today's class I want to give to Rabbi Dovid Foreman, a dear friend, a senior colleague from the Five Towns, alavbeta.com, whose books on Chumash and Tanach are well-known and brilliant. And in a wonderful essay and shiur that he gave on Parshas Mishpatim is nucleus and the basis of a lot of what we'll teach today, although some other sources that uh with God's help I compiled to uh build up the idea and elaborate on it somewhat. But the credit of this idea is to Rabbi Foreman, who also brings out constantly that the laws are uh outgrowth of the stories. Okay, so let's see your first source. It's Parshas Mishpatim, perek chof alef, pasuk yud beis. The source sheets are always loaded on the yeshiva.net, so you can retrieve them afterwards together with the shiur. They're already loaded now. I want to thank Reb Shmuel Silber, who loads them and uh is the webmaster and edits the videos, et cetera. Thank you very, very much. So, this is Exodus, chapter 21, verse 12, 13, 14. It's three psukim talking about one person who takes the life of another person. It's three verses dedicated to this. Parshas Mishpatim, perek chof alef, pasuk yud beis, yud gimmel, yud daled. Here it goes. Makeh ish v'meis, mos yumos. English translation I took from Sefaria, a Sefaria website. I corrected a few words that I thought would be a little better. One who fatally strikes another person shall be put to death. Makeh doesn't just mean I hit somebody on their on their cheek or on their back, which I'm also not allowed to do. But makeh ish, I strike somebody v'meis, the person dies. It's a fatal strike. That can, of course, be with a fist, or it could be with a bullet, or it could be with another weapon. Mos yumos, this person who murdered the other human being, mos yumos shall be put to death. Okay. Now the Torah goes on to the next verse, verse as verse 13. V'asher lo tzadah. But what if he did not do it by malice, intentionally, with with with hatred? It wasn't done Oh, okay. Malice, okay. Sorry, yeah. If it wasn't done by malice, meaning it wasn't done with intention, premeditated hatred. So, how did it happen? It came about by an act of God. The person never intended to kill the other person. Then, he shouldn't be put to death. will assign you a place to which this person can flee. This is the famous mitzvah that would be later recorded in the Torah known as miklat. There was cities of refuge on the Transjordan. There were three cities of refuge. That's on the eastern side of the Jordan River. On the western side of the Jordan River, there were another three cities of refuge. In fact, two of them are very very famous, Hebron and Shechem were two of the cities. Shechem and Hebron. Of course, both of these cities today are cities of refuge for terrorists and murderers. That's where they hide out. It's called Nablus. Shechem is one of the worst fortresses of terror. So, that's a different type of city of refuge. But these were cities of refuge where these people can escape. Of course, this is still before they come into Israel. They were just in the desert. They just received the Torah then Sinai. But that's what he's saying, I'm going to arrange a place where this person can flee and remain and over there they're protected. Next verse. But when one person schemes against another killing him through treachery meaning this is wasn't a mistake. It was this was intentional. It was premeditated. It was done cleverly. I figured out how to kill him. Then may then you shall take that person even from my altar. Even if he's standing at the altar. Meaning at such a holy space in the holy sanctuary, what could be holier? Take him away from there almost to die. Because he's a murderer. These are the three verses and then we go on to the other subject. Do you notice anything strange about the order of these verses? What would you say? Anybody? Good. Very good. Huh? Ah, ah, ah, you're very good. Very good. Excellent. So, it says in Kabbalah that says in other you know is the acronym of Elul. Very good. Yes. Now you want to know what in the world Good. Very good. I'm going to give you a standing ovation cuz especially that I'm standing. Yes, I know. Valedictorian. We have a lot of valedictorians, but she's one of them, yeah. And a special author, too. is the acronym of Elul. You see? begins with begins with begins with vav. And begins with so it's Now, what is the What in the world is the connection between the month of Elul and this that's talking about a very very sad and tragic fact of somebody who was killed by mistake, unintentionally. As they would say in the news, they were in the wrong time in the wrong place. Wrong place, wrong time. Here it says in the It was an act of God, meaning the person didn't premeditate it. Somehow that's connected to Elul. Excellent. Thank you. But what is very strange here is the order of the three verses. You see what happens? Right as you pointed out. Everybody notices what's the issue here? Let's let's let's let's get to the basic meaning of these verses. There's three verses here, verse 12, 13, and 14. In the first the Torah says that if somebody kills another person, that human being, male or female, shall be put to death. Okay. The second verse qualifies that statement and says, it's not always the case that the perpetrator is put to death. It depends whether it was a premeditated act or the perpetrator was not planning to kill this person. It was a tragic mistake. It happened by accident. And indeed, that's a very powerful qualification. When we said in the first you should be put to death. Wait, wait, wait. Not always. If it was fatal, but it was an accident, then we give him an opportunity to save himself. He could flee to a city of refuge. Beautiful. Over there he's protected. If a victim's relative comes to take revenge and kill him, that person will have to be put to death because this man is safe. He's in a city of refuge. He's in a safe place. What if he did plan the murder in advance? Now comes the third verse. The third verse comes to describe the scenario of a planned premeditated murder. If he does it If the perpetrator planned the murder, then he shall be put to death. He doesn't have the benefit of running away to a city of refuge. And even if he's holding on to the to the altar, he's in a holy place. You know, he's standing AT THE SCREAMING KADISH. KADISH. He's a murderer, okay? Get rid of him. He's dangerous. But don't they seem out of order? What would be the logical flow? You started to say, somebody who kills another person should be put to death. What should come right after that? What would you say? A murderer shall be put to death, right? Huh? So, what what You like the order. So, let's see, right? Okay, so let's see. So, the logical flow looks like this, right? Here's the rule. A murderer will be put to death. There is an exception to the rule. If he didn't have murderous intent, then he won't be put to death. Now, there's a third verse clarifying the rule. He is only considered a murderer if he had murderous intent. Wouldn't have it made more sense to switch the last two verses? Meaning do the first rule. A murderer will be put to death. Now, let me clarify what I meant by a murderer. Let me say what I meant. I meant not somebody who was climbing up a tree and unfortunately he fell on somebody. Or he was felling a tree and unfortunately a branch fell on somebody. Et cetera. Where it was an accident, even if he could have maybe been a little more careful. It wasn't a complete complete complete unavoidable accident. But okay, he certainly didn't try to kill him. Clarify that. In that case, he's not considered a murderer. So, wouldn't it make sense? Say the law. You murder somebody else, you die. Now clarify the rule. What does it mean you murdered somebody and you die? He murdered somebody intentionally, right? Huh? But then do Shouldn't you first No, because the first one Right. You mean, right? You mean, right? You mean, right? You mean, right? means don't murder. means don't kill. Right. So, for example, if the court put somebody on death penalty because they murdered somebody else, it's not that. Right. Even in America. Even in America. In other words, before he clarifies the first law, he already deals with the exception. But the first law wasn't clarified yet. You just had somebody who killed somebody else shall die. Now you need to explain, what do you mean by killing somebody else? It was a pure accident? No, I mean he meant to kill him. That's what I meant, which is the third verse. Now, give me the exception. And what if he didn't mean to kill him, but the guy died? Then not. But you see, the Torah does not do that. The Torah puts in the exception before it even clarifies the first rule. So, it goes from one and then two and then it goes to three, which really is connected to one. Now you could think, what's the difference? The point is the same. No, of course. And there's a there's a like that that says that the the court is always trying to find In other words, our objective is not to kill somebody. Our objective is the truth. So, if there's any way to find a way of liberating somebody from a death penalty, they try to do that. So, there's a clear like that. So, it's it's in such things when you see such a change of order, it's extremely meticulous in It's extremely precise. Rabbi Foreman suggests that if our laws spring out from our history then the order is perfectly sensible. Why? Because these laws are not written in a vacuum. They're actually an embodiment of a story that happened. And in that story the exception came before the rule. As we will see. Meaning the case of killing without intent came before the case of killing with intent. So when the laws are presented the Torah wants to show you these are not just a bunch of laws. These are laws that are embodying a story and the stories are now concretized in law. Now the question is is there such a story? Right. So we we have a we we don't have a lack of killings in the Tanakh. That's never an issue. If you ever learn through Tanakh you know that. Right away the first family right the first Nacha story in history right? You think you're the only ones who want Nachas? Other men have also wanted Nachas. The first Nachas was oh, what's new? There were two kids in the world and the world was not large enough for both of them. So of course Kayin killed Hevel. Okay? You think you were living in Brooklyn in tight quarters? Kayin felt that the whole planet he needs. The Medrish says there is three reasons Kayin killed Hevel. One is because of territory. He wanted the whole world. Another reason was relationships. Hevel was born with an extra twin girl. Kayin said she's mine. I'm the oldest and Hevel said no. She's mine. So he murdered Hevel for a woman. Another Medrish says they argued where the Beis Hamikdash is going to be. Kayin said in my place. Hevel said in my place. Basically till today most wars are about these three things. Territories, religion and relationships. Huh? The Torah doesn't clearly say why. So one way is saying that he was jealous of the offering. He was jealous that Hevel was closer to God. That's one interpretation. That's what it seems from some of our but this is how the Medrish puts it. This different it's not so clear in Chumash. The question we there we have Kayin killing Hevel. Seems like it was an intentional murder. He took him out to the field. He was speaking to him. It says he stood up and he killed him. What about an unintentional murder? We go through Bereishis. We know Kayin killed Hevel. That was pretty intentional. It says the generation of the flood was filled kim'ala aretz chamas. It was filled with chamas. Chamas, yeah. Chamas, spelled the same. Huh? Right. It's also not clear and it's also not clear in Chumash. Rashi explains it, yeah. Yeah, yeah, no, no, I know the story about Tuval Kayin. I'm saying what says clear in Chumash. So you have the generation of the flood but there's no specific story over there. You have of course Noach and his children. When you get to the next stories you have of course Lot being kidnapped. You have wars. But where do you see an unintentional murder in Bereishis? We don't see that. It would seem like we don't see that. So Yosef they planned to kill him, yes, but they didn't. So but Yosef was approaching. One of them one of the brothers told his brothers the the dreamer is coming. Let's kill him and throw him in one of the pits and cisterns and say that a beast a wild beast ate him. It's Reuven who mixes in and says don't murder your brother. Instead let's throw him into a pit. Reuven wants to save him. At the end he ends up being sold into slavery. Right? Then of course you'll have in Shemos Paroh has Shifra and Puah the midwives. He wants them to kill every male baby that's born. They disobey. So now we have his troops the Egyptians killing every male infant by casting him into the sea. All very intentional premeditated murders. Yeah. So again Esau was killed by Yaakov's funeral when Chushim the son of Dan who was deaf saw that the funeral is being delayed cuz Esau said that the plot is his. So this is again not clearly in Chumash. This is a Gemara in Maseches Sotah and the Medrish brings the Targum Yonasan ben Uziel. So over there you have Chushim killing Esau. Right? Also but also not clear in Chumash. And it wasn't an accident. So Shechem Shimon and Levi kill out Shechem again. There's no stories of death missing in the Tanakh. But Shimon and Levi obviously did it in an intentional way. And also people don't realize that Dinah was still abducted when they did this. It's not like they got Dinah back and they went on a rampage of revenge. Yaakov was still upset at Shimon and Levi. He felt that it was wrong what they did because it endangered the entire family. But Dinah was still kidnapped by Shechem. According to the based on many Midrashim they all came to defend Shechem when Shimon and Levi wanted to take them. But in any case over there it was obviously planned. They had them circumcised. They did it on the third day etc. So let's go a step further here. Okay. When the Torah wants to describe in verse three the person who kills with intent what are the opening words? V'chi yazid. You see v'chi yazid ish arei ayo. The word is yazid. There could have been many other words. One word could have been yarshia, right? From the word rasha or other words. But the word that's used here is yazid. This is a term that appears only one other time in the entire Chamisha Chumshei Torah. Anybody remembers when we have such a word yazid? Where? It's translated here as scheme. Somewhere else the other place is translated very differently. Almost almost almost. Huh? Very good. Oh, I thought it's Kushy's valedictorian. Okay. Okay, fine. Okay okay it's a 95 not a 100. Fine. Parshas the answer is one more place in the whole Chumash you have this term and it's in Parshas Toldos. Esau has just come home from a long day of labor. As the Torah says he was a hunter in the field. The Torah says he was starving and he was exhausted. He smells his brother's lentil stew simmering on the fire. He asks of him to give him some of that lentil. Yaakov says no problem. I'll give it to you but there is a deal. He's a negotiator. You got to sell me your birthright. Esau concurs. He willingly sells off his birthright and the stew changes hands so that Yaakov can have a delicious and even healthy dinner because lentil stew is pretty good. Esau Esau even gets a healthy dinner. Now you're going to say what does that have to do with murder? It's not immediately evident. So it looks like just a coincidence. But let's take a look at the words. If you take a look not at the next verse the one after Toldos perek chof hei pasuk chof tes. This is Genesis chapter 25 verse 29. V'yazed Yaakov nazid. V'yazed Yaakov nazid. Yaakov cooked up a dish a pottage a stew a soup. V'yavo Yaakov min hasadeh v'Yaakov comes from the field and he was faint. He was tired. He was gemucht in Yiddish. He was very exhausted. Okay. So it's interesting this is the only other time the word yazid is in the Chumash. V'yazed Yaakov nazid. But it's not connected. There he's cooking a pot of soup or a stew or a dish. What does it have to do with somebody intentionally murdering somebody else? Obviously it's just a coincidence. But wait one second. There's another key verb which appears here in the laws in Parshas Mishpatim. Somebody who kills without intent in the second pasuk. What does the word say? V'asher lo sadah. Now Rashi struggles. What's the word sadah? Rashi says maybe some say it's from the word hunting. He didn't hunt him. It's like when you go hunt an animal you plan it. You don't just go hunt an animal by mistake. You take your equipment. You take your guns. You take your arrows. Right? Hunters have a whole it's a whole sport. It's not halachically allowed but it's a whole sport. It's very intentional. Is that what sadah means? He didn't hunt him down? Rashi struggles. Rashi says that it may be a different interpretation. Sadah means he planned it or rather it was an ambush ambushed. Or from the word sad. This all the whole discussion in Rashi. But it's a very interesting word to the point that Rashi himself struggles with three different interpretations what the word sad means. The question is do we find a similar term in any saga in the Torah? Very good. Beautiful. Beautiful. The same story. Jacob and Esau exactly the same story has this word. Isaac summons Esau to his bedside and he asks him to prepare a delicious meal of meat for him. The word used for hunt is the very same word as the same root as tsad. Take a look at the next one. Told us in Gimel. That's Genesis chapter 27 verse 3. THE ISAAC SAYS TELL SHARPEN YOUR IMPLEMENTS, your sword, take your bow. Go out to the field. The only Now, it's written tsad it's pronounced tsad. In Torah and a very interesting thing sometimes a word is transcribed and pronounced in different ways. It's called and the way it's written. Why is that? It's very mysterious. If you want me to pronounce it a certain way, just write it that way. So this very always unique mysteries. It's written one way and it pronounced a different way. It's not so often, but it's also not infrequent. This is one of the examples. When the reads it on from the Torah, they're going to say tsad. But it's not what it says. It says you hey. What what does it mean? It's very clear. I want that you should hunt game for me. That's what tsad is. Tsad is hunting. Go and hunt tsad. Right? Tsad is game or hunt. And then he says I want you to make it into tasty food and bring it to me and I'm going to eat it and I'm going to bless you before I die. One second. This is not the only time we see this term. We see it a few verses earlier describing Esau growing up. The boys grew up. Esau is tsad. Esau tsad. This is not just a little coincidence. This is what Esau is known. He is tsad. He's a master hunter. He's a skillful hunter. He knows the art of hunting. He's a man in the field. Jacob is a whole person, a whole person who sits in the tents. He dwells in the tents. It turns out that there are two key verbs in the laws here in Mishpatim. Yazid and tsad. Yazid and tsad. Both feature prominently in the story of Jacob and Esau. So maybe it's more than a coincidence. Comes the chief. Fourth source. Mishpatim. The chief stands for Rabbi Naftali Zvi Yehuda Berlin. The chief. He was the rabbi of a city called Volozhin. You heard of Volozhin? It was one of the very famous communities in Lithuania and he ran a very famous Volozhin Yeshiva considered the father of all Lithuanian Yeshivas, the Volozhin Yeshiva. It was closed down by the Russian government in the early 1890s and shortly after the passed. He was both the rabbi and the of Volozhin. He wrote many including a commentary on called and and and and and Beautiful beautiful commentary. So the chief focuses on the word and he says and he says by Jacob. When it says you murder somebody intentionally, it's exactly go back to Jacob. What's the connection? It was on the internet a mistake. It's page 89. Actually the is going to be learning it in a few days so you could test your husband if he learns if he knows this especially your husband you can test and he'll know the answer. The asks a question there. Why does the Torah use the word Now we know the word right? Everybody uses the word What does mean? On purpose. But where does it come from? Really it means cooking. means cooking so it became part of our vocabulary. But what's the connection? Scheming scheming. What's the connection of scheming and cooking? I mean they rhyme a little bit. Exactly. Because I don't have to explain to all of the that it's not like your husband's thing that the food just landed from heaven. How was made? It just emerged. Everything emerged. All the dips, the the Moroccan fish, the delicious soup. It was there. So it's not so. First of all the microwave oven is not healthy. That's number one. Number two, you don't make a with a microwave oven. Number three, the does not come down from the ceiling. Somebody cooked and cooking is a process. And it takes time. Do I have to explain this to this crowd? Probably not. Probably not. Okay. So I'm not going to be the fool. Says That's what the So he says why does the Torah use the word because they talk us. IT'S A SIMMERING HOT POT. IN A SIDE OF A GUN. IT DOESN'T BECOME BURNING hot in a moment. Boom. It's burning. The fire is on. The water is cooked. Every It doesn't work that way. It builds up. It's not in a fleeting moment. Boom. I'm overwhelmed. I just killed this person. I have to arm up. It was This was planned. This was This was a build up. It was That's what premeditated means. So the clearly based on the quoting the They must have That's why it says the word it's like a hot pot. So the explains what does this mean? What the is really saying over there it says this in the that it comes from the word Jacob Jacob cooked and then it explains us why. So suddenly we see that clearly saw a connection between these two stories. Now you could say it's just happens to be technical. Cooking is a nice metaphor for something that takes time. But then we see the second verb which is which is also in that story of hunting. So maybe it's much much more than a coincidence. And then we ask another question. In that story did anybody premeditate? Right. One second. Good. Nobody was killed in actuality, but was anybody planning a murder? And of course planning. Not at that moment, right? But did anybody plan a murder? So now you go to the next source. Of course. And we all know the story. After Jacob deceived his father and took Esau stole Esau's blessings. What happens? The Torah says told us in Your next source. Esau hated Jacob because of the blessing that his father blessed him. And Esau said in his heart. And this is from the few places in Mishpatim that the Torah quotes a conversation in the heart. Usually the conversations that are quoted are verbal communications. Right. What What What did you say? Yeah. Or she she She laughed inside. We also have it. Reuben. Reuben. When he tells them to throw Joseph into the pit, the Torah tells us what he was thinking. He was thinking. Here we also have what Esau is thinking. He didn't say it to anybody. He said it to his heart. But what we say to our heart is very significant cuz that's called an internal conversation. Internal mental conversation. What did he say? You can have a Jacob here. Let the days of mourning for my father draw near so I can kill my brother Jacob. My father's an old man. At some point he's going to die. Right after that, another person is going to die. But this person is going to be killed by me and that's Jacob, my brother. So here we have an example of what it looks like to plot a murder in advance. The Torah told the story. He's talking to himself. He's planning it for weeks, months and maybe even years or decades ahead cuz he doesn't know when is going to die. In fact, it turns out that is going to live for a very very long time. And Esau knew that the genes in the family were very healthy cuz he knew when died and died. And also how holy these people were. Esau respected his father tremendously. So this was bubbling up. This was bubbling up for decades because we know did it start with the stolen blessings? Did it start with the blessings or it started much earlier? When did Esau's negativity and animosity towards Jacob begin? With the blessings? Much much earlier. When did it begin? No. At birth Jacob was holding on to Esau, but when did the actual He pushed him out of the way to come out first. He didn't push him out. He was holding He was holding What says in Chumash? Where does the actual begin of issue? Huh? So, in the womb there was a tumultuous issue. Fine. So, that's called pre-verbal subconscious. For that, you have to do a lot of therapy. But, ex- What happens in the womb? There's a lot that happens in the womb. Yeah, pregnancy trauma, birth trauma, big stuff, big stuff. It's a big bigger issue than people imagine. But, uh medical traumas from birth, etc. However, what's explicit in the Chumash when Esau expresses his grievance to his father on his brother, he quotes two stories. What are the two stories? Uh one is the blessings, and what's the first thing? The story with the soup. The story with the stew. In fact, he tells Yitzchak as bechirasi lach ve as birchasi lach. First, he took my birthright, then he took my blessings. He stole everything that belongs to me. This man does not want me to be. He can deal with me. My birthright he steals. Of course, Esau gave it away, but sure, I was hungry, I was starving. And now he took my blessings. So, this means he's telling Yitzchak this still STARTED IT. AND RIGHT AFTER THAT, it says he hated Yakov, and he began to plan his murder. So, it goes back to that fateful day, years before with the lentil stew. That's when the hatred begins. That's part of the reason that he wants to kill him. And that's why he tells Yitzchak clearly both stories. He doesn't just say the story that happened now. He's been harboring a story from a very very very long time ago. Now, as you pointed out, it never actually happened. Esau never killed him. He wanted to. He planned kill him. According to Chazal, he sent his son Eliphaz to chase Yakov and kill him, but it never worked out. He never went through with the conspi- with the with with the with the plan. But, it's almost like the Torah in Parshas Mishpatim, and not almost. The Torah in Parshas Mishpatim may be intimating to us, do you know what it means to have intent to kill? Do you know what it means to plan a murder? Look at the case of Esau. He hated his brother for decades. He harbored this resentment, these emotions of negativity and animosity. That's what we call in English to lie in wait. Literally, like a predator. If you ever watched National Geographic, or you ever went to Kruger's National Park, 5:00 in the morning to see the real thing, like the mahajamin and mahadan who wake up before the second in order to be able to see it happen, and the animals, the predators, they lie in wait. And it's extremely extremely focused, laser-sharp focus. Yeah. Yeah. Hamas planned October 7th for 7 years. Yeah. And the women who were the surveilling the cameras warned of it again and again and again. And the arrogance, the stupidity, the narcissism, and mainly the blindness of some of our leaders in Israel caused them to ignore what these women and girls saw clearly. And not only that, penalized and one of them was told one more time, you mention this, you're going to be fired and you're going to lose your job. So, this is what's called murderous regimes and movements and groups and organizations that plan things. So, the Torah is almost like toying with the idea of Esau and asking us, what if? What if he did go through with the crime? If Esau would have gone through with the crime, then this is the case. Huh? It would have been a premeditated murder, of course. There would be nothing left of the Jewish people, right? Nothing left of the Jewish people, because Yakov was the father of the Jewish people. So, Esau is the embodiment of this pasuk, vechi yazid ish are ayu la hargai be arma. Me im mizbechi tikachenu lamos. He is literally the example of this. And when does it start? It starts with that dish. Vechi yazid. Of course, yazid here doesn't mean he cooks. He cooks up an idea. Here it means he schemes. But, where did the SCHEME BEGIN? THAT'S EXACTLY WHY THE word yazid is. It didn't happen IN A MOMENT. ESAU GOT OVERWHELMED, I'M KILLING HIM. NO. This was years and years of the making Esau living with this livid living with livid anger and resentment towards HIS BROTHER FOR DECADES. ONCE the blessings happened, now it was only the final straw that killed the camel's back, or in this case, Esau's back, the goat's back. And he's like, I'm done with him. So, that's why the word yazid. This was really really premeditated. This took Huh? Very good. Arma. The word arma means it's with treacherous, it's with cleverness. It was It was deceitful. It was thought out. Exactly. And you're adding that it says bar chicha be mirma. Yitzchak told Esau, your your brother came be mirma. And this encouraged, it motivated, it finally triggered Esau so deeply, that's it. I'm I'm not going to kill him right away. I'm going to plan this. But, right when my father is dead, right right my father dies, Esau is dead. I'm sorry, Yakov is dead. Sorry. But now, we have the opposite question. What about the reverse? Do we find anybody who produces or actually commits a crime, never mind of this nature, but without intent? A perpetrator who finds himself doing something terribly wrong, but he never planned it really. It turned out that way. That's the question. And here, we're going to see quite a fascinating Midrash. And the Midrash says, take a look. Midrash Tanchuma Vayeitzei. You don't expect this Midrash, because we don't see it that way. But, that's how the Midrash sees it. It's your second to the last source. Midrash Tanchuma Vayeitzei. Very good. Yilamdeinu Yeah. So, this is a Midrash. It's called Midrash Tanchuma. It's one of the Midrashim on Chumash. The beginning of Vayeitzei. And this is how it opens up. Vayeitzei aleph. You have it also in the English translation. And it opens up with a very strange halachic question. And you're like, how does this fall into this Midrash? This is how it starts off. Yilamdeinu Rabbeinu. The student says, Rebbi, please teach us. Could the master teach us, when a person unintentionally takes the life of another person, where can this person take refuge? And you're like, it's a good question. But, why is that in the beginning of Vayeitzei? And the answer is kach shanu Rabbeinu. This is what our masters taught us. The Midrash asks this question like a student asking a question. Somebody killed somebody unintentionally, what do they do? Where do they run? So, the answer is our teacher said like this. Ha horeg nefesh bishgaga goleh le arei miklat. If somebody unintentionally kills another person, he runs away to arei miklat, one of the cities of refuge. There were three cities in the Transjordan. There were three cities in the land of Canaan. Vi Yakov Avinu gal le Charan. But, our patriarch Jacob, he took refuge in a place called Charan. BO YAREACH BENAFSHO. He was running for his soul. Vinishe'ashu leharog Esau ach. And he also was afraid that Esau won't kill him. And when God saw him in such distress, he appeared to a dream. He appeared to Yakov in a dream in the beginning of Vayeitzei, offering him and guaranteeing him protection. Now, the question is, whoa. The Midrash is obviously saying something we wouldn't expect. We always understood the story as Rivka told Yakov, your brother wants TO KILL YOU. RUN. Why are you running? Simply, you have a brother who's going to kill you, even though he planned to kill him after Yitzchak's passing. But, maybe Rivka did not know when that is, or maybe Rivka thought Esau will have second thoughts and kill him before. So, she says, go to my brother Lavan and stay there, and I will bring you back there until your brother's Esau's wrath relaxes. That's how we ALWAYS READ THE STORY. THE Midrash Tanchuma introduces a whole other dimension to the story. It introduces the dimension of somebody who kills somebody else unintentionally and has to run away. And now the question is, where does he run? And Yakov runs to Charan. So, the question is, one second. Did Yakov kill somebody unintentionally? Wow. So, the Sfas Emes the Sfas Emes was a man His name was Rabbi Yehuda Aryeh Leib. Rabbi Yehuda Aryeh Leib He was known as Yehuda Leib. Rabbi Yehuda Aryeh Leib Alter. And he was the third Gerer Rebbe. His grandfather was the Chidushei Harim. Rabbi Itche Meir. Rabbi Itche Meir Alter was the was a student of the Kotzker Rebbe. When the Kotzker Rebbe passed away in 1859, he became the first Gerre Rebbe. Gur is not far from Warsaw in Poland. And the Sfas Emes was a grandson who was raised by his grandfather because his own father, Reb Avraham Mordechai, died when he was a young child. Both mother and father died when he was very young, so his grandparents raised him. So, when the Chidushei Harim passed away in 1866, Sfas Emes was still very young. He was 19. So, there was a second Rebbe known as Reb Chanokh Henoch of Alexander. And then when he passed away, the Sfas Emes was only 23. He became the third Gerre Rebbe and became one of the very great luminaries in Poland. He passed away in Shvat, 1905, which is actually 120 years ago, right? Tough Resh Samech Hey. So, Hey Shvat, exactly. It comes from Gur. Okay. I didn't know how the Kamenetsky's come to Gur. I thought you would go to Litvaks. Okay. A mixed marriage. Okay. I see. This is Australia. So, the Sfas Emes passed away exactly 120 years ago on Hey Shvat. And his work on Chumash is very well known classic in the Chassidic world, especially everywhere. And he he translates, what does this Medrash mean? Where did Yaakov kill somebody? He never killed anybody. Is there a story we don't know? Take a look last year. Sfas Emes Vayeitzei Tough Resh Samech Dalet. The Medrash Tanchuma, Brichas Yaakov Hoyo K'May Galus L'Misha Hoyreg Nefesh B'Shogeig. YAAKOV DIDN'T ONLY RUN AWAY TECHNICALLY BECAUSE EISAV was chasing him. There's no coincidences in life. Yaakov ran away because he needed to run away. In other words, we often look at it, it's Eisav's insanity, you got to run for your life. The Medrash is saying it doesn't work that way. This was something that Yaakov needed. It wasn't only a response to Eisav. You know, often when we go through our journeys in life, I often think it happened because of this one and that one and that one and that one and that one. That's maybe how it played itself out. But it's actually the journey that my soul needs in order to become the person I'm going to become. It doesn't mean the other person is a tzaddik. It just means that it's not just about Eisav, it's also about Yaakov. Where did Yaakov kill somebody? Says the Sfas Emes, Ki Nechshav L'Eilech M'SheNitcheh Eisav Al Yadai. Yaakov killed Eisav unintentionally. This was Eisav was pushed out. He was outcasted. He was nitcheh. He was cast away by Yaakov. It's a mistake. But it happened. Why? Ki Hoyo L'Eilech Kariv Gam Eisav. Yaakov should have been mekarev, brought Eisav close. Im Ki Lo Anu Nemar Midvar Sheker Terchak. Even though we always learn, STAY AWAY FROM LIES. STAY AWAY. DISTANCE, BOUNDARIES. STAY AWAY. WHY ARE YOU WHY ARE YOU BLAMING YAAKOV? Says the Sfas Emes, Avali Yaakov Ish Emes, Hoyo B'Chocho L'Kariv Hakol L'Hashem Yisbarach. Yaakov was so anchored in truth, he didn't have to run. He didn't have to be afraid. He was so anchored in truth, he could have brought everything close to Hashem, even Eisav. When somebody has some lies inside themselves, they need strong boundaries. Because as the Halacha says, Min B'Mina Chayzeh V'Eina, somebody else's lies can trigger my lies. And then when your issues trigger my issues, we just both become a mess. It's like a patient comes to a therapist and the therapist also has unresolved issues. And the person's wounds triggers the therapist's wounds. And now suddenly, instead of the client being a client who's being helped, the client becomes a subconscious therapist who's helping the therapist deal with her wounds and his wounds. And trust me, it's a disaster. And I'm not speaking theories here. If you are unresolved, be careful because the other person's issues may now become yours. And now instead of helping them, you're actually PART OF THE PROBLEM, NOT PART of the solution. And it's very clever. It's very sly and it's sometimes subconscious. Person doesn't even know. But they want that client to stay in their office for the next 25 years because of their own unresolved wounds. They may even create friction in a marriage that doesn't really exist to create dependency of the client on them because I'm saving you from your crazy husband or your crazy wife. In fact, I know a woman who went to therapy. She has a lot a lot of struggles. And the It was a female therapist. The female therapist, without even speaking to her husband, has the chutzpah of telling her, "Your husband is in love with another woman. He doesn't like you. And he's the problem." She never called the husband. She never met the husband. I happen to know the husband very well. He's a tzaddik. And he loves his wife very, very dearly. I mean, I don't have Ruach Hakodesh, but it's quite obvious. Quite obvious. So, I asked I asked the husband and the wife, "Did she ever call him? Did she meet him?" No. And the the client stayed there for 8 years. And almost got divorced. But that's what happens when somebody is unwell. And what do I mean unwell? Unwell doesn't mean that they have a diagnosis from a psychiatrist. That's not a bracha. At least they know they're unwell. There's a certificate. You can prove it. I'm talking much deeper. You're struggling with something and you don't face it. You don't deal with it. And suddenly your clients become unintentional instruments in helping your coping mechanisms continue. Why am I saying this? Cuz you have to know boundaries. Midvar Sheker Terchak. If I'm not fully healed and I go into certain situations, it may be a disaster. That's why he says it. The Sfas Emes says, Yaakov was an Ish Emes. Hoyo B'Chocho L'Kariv Hakol L'Hashem Yisbarach. He doesn't have to be afraid. He can go into very difficult, toxic situations because he knows who he is. When you know who you are and you remain pure, you're good. You can deal with Eisav. You can bring out the goodness in Eisav. And it's true for everybody. Everybody in a leadership position. And that's true. Every father and mother is a leadership position. Of course, a rabbi and a rebbetzin are a Rosh Yeshiva, a Rebbe, a Mashpia, a Mechanech, a Mechaneches. When you're dealing with people who have challenges, and your challenges become mixed into thems theirs, I don't help. Sometimes it's the exact opposite. So, that's why he says, Yaakov was AN ISH EMES. HOYO B'CHOCHO L'KARIV Hakol L'Hashem Yisbarach. V'Rak Hoyo Shafel B'Einav. But Yaakov was humble in his own eyes. And therefore, he felt he has to stay away. He can't show up for Eisav. He was humble in his own eyes and he said, "I have to stay away." Cuz he didn't understand his own power and greatness. V'Nechshav L'Shogeig. This is called unintentional murder. That's what the Sfas Emes explains. Now, what do we Ah? Ah? No, we're talking before. Before his mother commanded him to go. All the years growing up, Yaakov felt that he needs to stay away from Eisav because he did not realize his own strength. So, you can't call this intentional. On the contrary, he was Ish Tam. He was Yoshev Ohalim. You can ask, yeah. Yeah, we did a whole class on that. That's a proof to the Sfas Emes. It says that Dinah, ultimately, Yaakov hid Dinah. He didn't want Eisav should see Dinah because Dinah was a beautiful girl and he knew Eisav has a weakness, let's put it that way. And And the Chazal say that Dinah could have transformed Eisav. Okay, that's that's We We did a whole shiur on this once, Parshas Vayeishlach. What it mean What does that even mean? You're supposed to endanger your daughter cuz she may help this guy, right? So, that means that obviously Yaakov underestimated Dinah's personality. And we explained at length that Dinah was a daughter of Leah. And who was Leah's original shidduch? You remember? Eisav, right? And at this point, Dinah could have repaired Eisav. But here you see again the pattern. What did Yaakov choose? Yaakov chose complete cut off. And we could understand why. It's very, very sensitive. You're not calling self-preservation. You're not calling him a meshugeneh. So, why are we calling him a meshugeneh? And here we're introduced to a very, very subtle idea. Both on the practical level and then on the emotional level. On the practical level, what does this even mean? What does the Medrash mean? On a very practical level. What does it mean he murdered Eisav? He didn't physically murder Eisav. Just like Eisav didn't physically murder Yaakov. And that's what's so interesting about these laws in Mishpatim. They're not describing a physical case. They're describing things that happen in the heart. Eisav planned to murder Yaakov. What happened with Yaakov and Eisav? A part of Eisav died. What does it mean a part of Eisav died? Eisav has two parts in him. Eisav has one part which we call a rasha who wants to kill Yaakov, who's doing whatever he's doing out there in the fields. But Eisav has another part. The part of him that cries why Yaakov is not mekarev him. Eisav himself is disconnected from himself. He doesn't know who he is. If Asav would know who he is, if all his parts were integrated, he wouldn't be Asav. He would be Yakov. Ish tam means you're an integrated person. You know all your parts and they're working together in cohesiveness. Ish sadeh, when you're in the field and you're a hunter, it represents disintegration. That's why you need people in your life who can hold space for who you are, but can also hold space for who you can be. They have a vision of who you are, but they also have a vision of your greatness and they don't fall prey to who you are right now, letting go of the vision of your greatness. Right, it's one of the most important things in parenting and education. I want to hold space for my children where they are, but I also want to hold space for where my children can be, for their ultimate greatness. And I can't compromise one or the other, cuz if I only see the future and not the present, I'm not connecting to the person. I'm just denying who you are and there won't be trust, there won't be attachment. But if I'm only in the present and sucked into the present reality and there's nothing else, now instead of becoming a source of hope and encouragement and love and healing, I just can become another problem and frustration and resentment. So, it's a very, very sensitive process between seeing who the person right now is in their own mind, but also seeing their pnimeous. Also seeing what is deep, deep, deep inside of them and not getting confused by the two. For this, the main work is inside of myself. Inside of myself holding space for my pain, having empathy for my pain and at the same time not allowing that to shut down the valve of love. Cuz what often happens is the pain produces resentment, which produces shame, which produces chaos, which now produces anger of how you single-handedly destroyed my perfect family. And that's the end of a relationship. Now, even if I'm smiling, good Shabbos. Good Shabbos. Drop dead. Good Shabbos. Good Shabbos. I wish I never had you. Good Shabbos. Good Shabbos. You want to eat something, you machshefa? Sorry for being blunt, but you know what I mean. This is all in the heart. Nobody knows this. You're smiling. You're all smiling. Oh, but our children, as I always say, our children have ruach hakodesh. They know what you're thinking. You're looking for people who have ruach hakodesh, go to your kids. They know what you're thinking. They know what your subconscious is. You don't have to go to some grave of a holy holy I mean, it's good to go to holy people's resting places, but most kids today have ruach hakodesh. If you listen to how they describe you, you'll hear, "Oh, how did you know that?" "How did you know that?" The point here is this is a very deep energetic work with a person. And what we're learning here is I could sometimes kill somebody unintentionally. I had very good intentions. I meant well. I was actually trying to protect myself and maybe protect other people. And in the process, I never tuned into my power. I was always a victim. Yakov, because of his humility, he became a victim rather than a leader. He didn't understand how much of his presence could have healed Yakov could have healed Asav. Now, it's very, very profound word. The Gemara says in Maseches Gittin, very famous Gemara, that Schar ben Afkilus was one of the great sages and he didn't allow them to offer the calf that the Roman Caesar sent to be offered in the Beis Hamikdash cuz there was a blemish. Kamtza made a blemish. So, they said, "We have to sacrifice it anyway because the Roman Caesar needs to be appeased and it's b'kavod nefesh." And he said, "No, people will think you're allowed to sacrifice a blemished animal." So, they said, "Then we have to kill the informer. He's going back to Rome." And he said, "You're not allowed to kill somebody who makes a blemish. That's not a death penalty. That's not murder." So, they let him be and he went back to Rome and he instigated this story about the Jewish revolt. That's what the Gemara says in Maseches Gittin, page 56. So, the Gemara says Rebbi Yochanan said, "Anav- The word is not goodness. You remember the word? Anavsunoso shel Schar ben Afkilus." The piety, the humility of Schar ben Afkilus destroyed our Beis Hamikdash. Now, what do you want from him? He was just a tzaddik. He was just trying to say the right thing. And why is he called humble, huh? Shaul Hamelech as well. The humility. What does this mean? This you mean it means that sometimes destruction happens because of humility. What type of humility? Isn't humility AN AMAZING FEATURE? MOSHE is praised BY BEING THE MOST HUMBLE PERSON. There's two types of humility. There's humility that empowers you and makes you one of the strongest people on Earth. There's humility that paralyzes you, depletes you from your energy, and you become a shmata. WHAT'S THE FIRST type of humility is the humility that I'm a channel of God. I don't own life. I don't own my oxygen. I don't own my neuron cells, atoms. I don't own my body or my soul. Hanashama lach v'haguf shelach. I'm a channel. BUT WHO AM I a channel of? I'm a channel of the creator of the world. SHLUCHAI SHEL ADAM KAMAISA. THAT'S POWERFUL HUMILITY. Let's call it powerful humility. There's another type of humility and that's the humility of "Ich bin a gardnisht." I'm a nobody. And look what I when I did this. I look at the mistake I made yesterday. What an awful person I am. How can I do this? I'm in a defensive place. I'm in a weak place. I feel paralyzed. I feel so small. I can't take initiative. I can't be proactive. I'm always doubting and questioning myself to the point of emotional paralysis and stagnation. And there's a humility that depletes me and just makes me feel so small. Now, the the difference between the two is very, very subtle because it can easily, you know, powerful humility can morph into arrogance. It's really being truly open and present to what is my mission right now and how I could show up with true caring and love and connection, not with fear and self-shame and self-loathing camouflaged as humility. Now, even from A PRACTICAL LEVEL, WHAT HAPPENED with the blessings? Yakov sat for decades and meditated to take away Yakov's blessing Asav's blessings. It was at the moment, right? Rivka heard the message, she called in Yakov. She's like, "Go take the blessings." It's not even clear exactly if It doesn't even Rivka never even told Yakov to tell Yitzchak that he's Asav. She just said, "Go go go and go in and take the brachas." It was Yakov who then identifies himself as Asav. IT ALL HAPPENED SO FAST. And Asav was very, very hurt by that. He was hurt and it created a trajectory of his life and Chazal are so sensitive, they call it a form of death. There was a part of Asav that died. There was a part of Asav that felt so rejected. I'm done. I'm finished. He was cut off, huh? Did Rivka, the mother of his Did she ever reconcile I don't know. What was the question? If Rivka She asks if Rivka ever reconciled with Asav. It's interesting that when Rivka sends Yakov away, the Torah identifies her as the mother of Yakov and Asav. And Rashi says, "I don't know why it says that. We know that she's the mother of Yakov and Asav." And it may be that what the pasuk is trying to say is that Rivka should have thought to herself, "Let me send away Asav, not Yakov." But Rivka was the mother of Asav and she knew how much Asav needed his father because he's so close to his father. No, she normally has korach. Yakov didn't think twice. He thought for a minute and then he did it anyway. Right. So, that's the point that Yakov is considered unintentional because he didn't for- He asked He told Yakov "Asav, I want your birthright." Remember the avodah then of the Beis avodah before the chet ha'egel was with the bechorim, with the firstborn. And and Asav told him, "Lama zeh LI BECHORAH? I DON'T need my birthright. It's It's just a burden. I don't need it. Here, take it." And then again, he takes the blessings. So, it's considered that he took something from Asav very, very precious. You could see Asav's tears and Asav sobs, but it's still unintentional. Spiritually also, this Fas Adam says, it was his own humility rather than an intentional idea that Asav has to be cut off. And it happens so often in life. How many of our kids and our students have been rejected emotionally, have been thrown under the bus, not because, God forbid, intentionally parents or teachers or principals or rashei yeshivos or educators or therapists or mashpi'im or mechanech or mechaneches want to chas v'shalom hurt somebody, but it's unintentional. But unintentional doesn't mean that the consequences didn't happen. How much emotional neglect occurs unintentionally? If a mother or a father are dealing with their own wounds or they have challenges in the family with other kids and they can't be fully present for the children who need it most. It's These are all unintentional things. Nobody meant it. Nobody meant it. It was my own responding to my own survival instincts. You know, how many of us who grew up in our own challenging homes and we couldn't We didn't know what certain things are. We didn't know what certain emotions look like. We didn't know that you could deal with things without running away from them. We didn't know. Is this somebody's fault? I mean, there's people sitting here in this room who have been around the block a couple of times. You know how your parents dealt with things and survivors who had to deal with things. People didn't know. They did the best they can with the tools they had. I have a son who's very funny, he's 14 years old. So, when he wants to make fun of me a little bit, he says, "Tati, you did the best you can with the tools you had." "Tati, you did the best you can with the tools you had." And he's joking like, "Yeah, sure. Good excuse." Good excuse. So, Yaakov was so teeny mistake Yeah. that he didn't realize Yeah. the repercussions. Yeah, he didn't realize the repercussions. It's Ishtam. The Torah is saying he was Ishtam. You have the wholeness, show up with your wholeness. Esau has a soul that's tortured. that a good enough excuse? I don't know that it's about excuse, it's just about it's it's just about seeing the reality and the complexity of reality. You know, things are not black and white. And ultimately, the Torah uses three words, "V'Elohim in al yadai." God caused it to happen. And that's a very powerful term. In other words, don't delete God from the picture. This was not random. Ah? Ah, that's Chodesh Elul, very good. Intelligent women we have here, incredible. Bunch of valedictorians. No, no. When we say Yaakov couldn't realize it, it's a lesson. We are his children. So, what we do helps Yaakov. Everything is retroactive. We are the continuation of Yaakov. It doesn't work that way. We are It says we're midgets on the shoulders of the giants. The midgets on the shoulders of the giants could see further, not because they're giants, but because we stand on their shoulders. Of course. We learn. We learn. We grow. That's true. But, he still has to do teshuvah. Yeah, for sure. For sure. For sure. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Now, take a look at something fascinating here. Okay? Before we get to Elul. Chazal say, when Yaakov Avinu ran away from Esau, and now we learn he wasn't only running away from Esau, he also had to run away from himself. He had to go to exile. There was something that was happening in Yaakov Avinu that he had to go away. In fact, in fact, the holy Amshinov and the Bitzag of the Sefer called Siach Sarfei Kodesh, and they write, when Rivka told Yaakov to run away, she said, "Run away till your brother's wrath goes away from you until your brother's wrath goes away from you in a second pasuk." So, they ask, "What's the redundancy?" Rivka was saying, "Till your brother's wrath goes away from you in the sense that he's not angry at you, but till your brother's wrath goes away from you that you can also heal from your anger, even if it's subconscious." So, Yaakov in exile has to go through a lot. The whole story of Rachel and Leah, the exchange of Rachel and Leah is really the story of Yaakov and Esau being repeated in the marriage. Rachel was supposed to marry Yaakov. Leah was supposed to marry Esau. Yaakov is deceived, and he ends up marrying Leah before Rachel. This is Yaakov's own inner work in exile in galus. Now, later he's going to say to God, "Keep im achli v'artiy as a yarden." I came to Laban only with a stick. And Rashi says, "Yitzchak couldn't give him a couple of dollars? He was a rich man. You don't send your son away? You can't give him a couple of dollars? He only had a stick." And what does Rashi say, famous story? He had a lot of money, but what happened? Esau sent his son Eliphaz to kill Yaakov. So, why didn't he kill Yaakov? Because "Gadol b'cheiko shel Yitzchak." He grew up in the bosom of Yitzchak. Eliphaz was Yitzchak's grandson. And Yitzchak helped him grow up, but he had him in his bosom. He had him on his lap constantly. So, how can he kill Yaakov? He couldn't. So, he told Yaakov, "I can't kill you. I know you. I know Yitzchak. I can't kill you. What should I do? BUT, MY FATHER SAID, 'KILL YOU.' AND BY US, KIBBUD AV is everything. You know, it's Godfather, the mafia. They say, "KILL YOU, KILL." YOU DON'T ASK QUESTIONS. SO, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU YAAKOV DID? BRILLIANT. He said, "Eliphaz, let me give you a shiur." And he gives him a shiur. The Gemara says in Maseches Nedarim, it's a few thousand years before the GEMARA WAS WRITTEN, "ONI CHASHUV K'MEIS." IF YOU'RE POOR, YOU'RE LIKE A DEAD MAN. "WHY DON'T YOU MAKE ME POOR and I'll be dead." So, Eliphaz takes everything away from Yaakov. So, now he's a POOR MAN, HE'S DEAD. SO, HE FULFILLED THE MITZVAH. INTERESTING. ELIPHAZ KILLED YAAKOV. HOW? BY BUYING INTO his shiur that if you take away MY MONEY, I'M LIKE DEAD. And Yaakov survived. Now, who was Eli Who was Eliphaz's son? Anybody knows? Eliphaz was the father of Amalek. Amalek. Wow. Eliphaz Eliphaz was a son of Esau, and he was a son of a woman named Timna, who was a concubine of Esau, a pilagsh. Not even his wife. And Chazal tell us in Sanhedrin, Rashi says in the parshas Vayeishlach, every relationship there and every child there was born from crazy amount of incest. And they graphically show it from the psukim. This one was with his mother and with his daughter. It was a disaster. NOW, IF YOU WERE YITZCHAK, OKAY? IF YOU WERE YITZCHAK, and you had a son like Esau. So, Esau he loved. But, how long how much does the love extend? Now, you have a grandson Eliphaz, who was let's put it this way, he wasn't the valedictorian of the yeshiva. Quite the opposite. Okay, he's the father of Amalek. And Chazal say, "Where did Yitzchak keep him?" Right there in his bosom. Right there in his bosom. So, you would say, "What a waste of time, Yitzchak." It turns out, and the Steipler Gaon is the one who said this, that that act saved the Jewish people. Yaakov wasn't killed because Yitzchak held Eliphaz close to him. So, we look at it as, "Okay, Yitzchak, you're a nice guy, but you know what? Wrong grandson." It turns out every Jew who's alive today is because Yitzchak kept Eliphaz close to him. Right. That's the shiur we discussed a few weeks ago told a few years ago told us. Yitzchak is the digger of wells. There's earth, there's gravel, there's dirt, there's filth, and Yitzchak knows dig deeper and you're going to find be'er mayim chayim, living water. This was Yitzchak's power. And that's why he kept Eliphaz at his Friday night at the meal. Yitzchak is singing "Kol ach tzayif na'eh Yom Shabbos." And Eliphaz was just in the room on his phone. And when Eliphaz comes to the dining room, Yitzchak should say, "Shaygetz, arois fun mein shtub. Get out of my house, you sick boy. You're an embarrassment for the mishpacha." Instead, Yitzchak And they thought Yitzchak is blind. He's naive. Yitzchak was not Yitzchak was not naive. You know your kids. You think Yitzchak didn't know his kids? People think Yitzchak was just Mr. Naive. He wasn't Mr. Naive. He knew everything. He takes Eliphaz, he puts him on his lap. So, you're saying it was a waste of time. It was ridiculous. No, this is thousands of years before Kesher Nafshi. Thousands of years before Avi Fischer. I wonder where they got their ideas. Said the Steipler Gaon, the Steipler, okay? Still the story of Yaakov Galinsky in Bnei Brak, he writes it. He said, "BECAUSE OF THAT, EVERY JEW IS ALIVE TODAY. THAT'S THE only reason Yaakov wasn't killed." BECAUSE YITZCHAK KEPT ELIPHAZ CLOSE. Eliphaz didn't become the GADOL HADOR. IT'S TRUE. He didn't do THE BEST SHIDDUCHIM ON SEE YOU IN LAKEWOOD OR TOMS RIVER. BUT, Yaakov was saved. Without that, there would be no Yaakov. There would be no one Jew alive today. Don't underestimate the power. Not only that, I'm going to add, if you go to the book of Iyov, I think it's chapter four, it says that Iyov had three friends who spoke to him, and one of them was Eliphaz. And he speaks to him with divine inspiration. Ask Rashi, "How did Eliphaz get ruach hakodesh?" And Rashi says, "Cuz he grew up in the bosom of Yitzchak." SO, IT TURNS OUT THAT THIS KID, as he got older, he found suddenly ruach hakodesh. Not only did he not become a murderer, but he actually found ruach hakodesh. So, here you see the exact opposite. Esau wanted to kill Yaakov. He sent Eliphaz. WHAT STOPPED THE MURDER? Yitzchak holding Eliphaz close. Yaakov had an opportunity to be mekarev Esau, which was not an easy task. But, in Yaakov's humility, he kept the boundaries. He wouldn't do that. And then when Dinah does it, but Kedimah could do it, he also doesn't want it. That's what it means, "Horeg nefesh bishgaga." So, the Medrash Tanchuma says, "Yaakov also goes to galus." So, now when we come to parshas Mishpatim, the laws are not just laws, they're representing THE STORY THAT HAPPENED. SO, FIRST YOU HAVE A GENERAL LAW, "Makeh ish v'meis yumas." Now, we ask the question, first clarify the rule, and then give me the exception of the rule. But, if the laws are just manifestations of the story, what happened first? What happened first was "Asher lo tzada." He was not hunting him. Yaakov was not hunting Esau. "Asher lo tzada." This is not the tzuda leitzayid that Yitzchak asked for. Go hunt. Haleichem Ena Liyadoi. Now, there's a city of refuge. That happened early on already. All the years of Yakov's relationship with Esau and then taking the blessings. The next story, Vayechi Yoshev, is after the blessings. When Esau now plans the murder and it's Yoshev because it started off with the dish that was cooked. It was already He was lying in wait for decades. THIS WAS BUILT UP. A POT THAT was simmering and simmering and the heat building and building momentum until the heat exploded and he decides to kill him. Aim misbechitecha an olam as. Now comes Elul. What's Elul? Aleph Lamed Vav Lamed. Ena Liyadoi V'samti loch. This is so important because what's the casualty of making mistakes in life? The casualty of making mistakes is you end up thinking you are a mistake. There's not a person who doesn't make mistakes. And in our generation, we're all becoming more and more aware of mistakes. But we have to be careful. The moment mistakes morph into and devolve into endless self-blame and self-shame, it's much worse than a mistake. Now it becomes a DEATH SENTENCE. ELOKEIM Ena Liyadoi. The accident ultimately is attributed to who? Hashem. Why bring God into the picture? It's so important to bring God into the picture cuz it means true, my father was this, my mother was this, my brother was this, my sister was this, my teacher was this, my rebbe was this, my rebbe was this. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? Sometimes it has catastrophic consequences even if unintentionally. But now I have to go a little deeper and say ultimately, I'm not a victim of anybody. Elokeim Ena Liyadoi. This is not to whitewash criminals. You know, from this pulpit we don't do that. This is not to minimize tragedy and this is not to undercut or mistrust victims who speak. On the contrary, this is for people to understand their inner power and fortitude and resilience. That your soul is so gigantic, it's so divine. Nobody has ultimately the power to snuff out your LIFE AND VITALITY. NOBODY HAS THE POWER TO CRUSH YOUR spirit and eliminate your joyful presence and serenity FROM LIFE. I THERE WAS AN UNINTENTIONAL murder and God knows how many unintentional murders there are on one level or another level. And an unintentional murder doesn't necessarily look physical. It could be an emotional death and it could be people who decades later are struggling with a part of them that died. And death also looks like numbness and disassociation. And part of my heart is nonexistent and I don't know how to be present and I don't know how to be vulnerable and I don't know how to show up in a relationship. These are all forms of emotional death. And we say Elokeim Ena Liyadoi. My soul went on a journey here. But it's not destined to remain trapped and closed. This is the journey that if I will confront it and work it through with a grief, with patience, with empathy and with a lot of love and understanding. Not bypassing and not minimizing and not denying and not repressing. But if I work it through, I will become the human being I need to become. And then from Yakov, your name changes to Yisrael. Only after you wrestle the one inside. Who would Yakov wrestle that night? You remember? Sar Esau. It was the Esau he could never make peace with inside of himself that he wrestled WITH. VAYEAVEK ISH IMADI AD ALOS HASHACHAR. AND HE TRIED TO KILL HIM. HE SAID, "YOU WANTED TO KILL ME." AND HE'S LIMPING. AND THEN ultimately he said, "You need a name change. You're not a victim of Esau anymore. Yisrael. Ki sarisa IM ELOKIM UVEMANOSHIM VATUCHAL. YOU WRESTLED WITH GOD AND WITH MAN AND YOU PREVAILED." YAKOV HAS A NAME CHANGE. Yakov to Yisrael. And each person we go through that name change what that means in our life. And therefore the order of these verses literally embody the story. And they also give us a sequence to the story. Cuz when you stay in Parshas Sefer Bereishis, you don't know. The Torah doesn't say who was right, who was wrong. Is Esau right? Is Yakov wrong? Is Yakov right? Is Esau wrong? It's such an interesting story with the blessings. The Torah keeps everybody in suspense. Does God agree with Yakov? Esau is sobbing. Everybody feels with Esau. He's like, "My father, why did you do this to me? I want a blessing." And he's crying and you're crying with Esau. And you're like, "Who's right? WHO'S WRONG? WHY DID RIVKA DO THIS? COME ON. IT'S NOT A WAY TO DO IT." AND THE TORAH LIKE wants you almost to remain in that ambivalence and ambiguity. In Chumash, it's very, very unclear how we look at it. And here in Parshas Mishpatim, we have like the sequence, but not in the story in the law. It's like ultimately, yeah, what Yakov did, Yakov did. And there was a lot of pain that was caused. It was unintentional. Esau intentionally plotted a murder. Everybody in their own way needs to find their tikkun, their growth, their repair. So the Torah is telling us, you know, Esau ultimately he became disconnected. And his mindset was, "How am I going to kill Yakov?" Yakov went to galus, exile, for his unintentional stuff and learns to grow from it. And in each of us, we go through all of these processes until we can make peace between all of our parts. And that's where Elul comes in. What's the whole idea of Elul? Elul is not a month of guilt and shame. Elul is a month of saying, "Ena Liyadoi V'samti loch." As much as you want to blame yourself for your mistakes, you could, but realize God had a big part of them. Many of the things we did or did not do, to quote my son, "You did the best you can with the tools you had." That's why he makes fun of it. When he hears me lamenting something, regretting something, "Tati, you did the best you can with the tools you had." Right, but there's a truth to that. The Pinchas of Koritz said when we say Ashamnu, it's in the plural. Why? We sinned. We? Who's we? I. You want your husband to come home to you and make a confession and say, "We sinned." Who's we? Who's we? Me and who else? Who else? Obama, Biden, Clinton? Who? Who? Who's we? Ashamnu. So the Pinchas of Koritz was a student of the Baal Shem Tov. He said it's a very endearing insight. He says, "You're talking to Hashem. We were in it together. I know I need to take responsibility, but let's face it. You're also partially responsible. You set up the chess pieces. Okay, I made the move. I know that." Chanoch Gadol K'seichel. I was half dead. I was stressed. I was overwhelmed. I was anxious. I was numb. I was disassociated or whatever. You'll ask your friend for the details. I need to show up. I need to take accountability. But when remorse turns into I'm such an awful, godless, sick human being, now from shogeg I turn it into a meizid. Now I become a meizid. Now I'm cooking up a dish that's unnecessary. Don't cook up a dish that's unnecessary, okay? The food was burnt. That's the end of the story. Don't say I'm a shlemazel, I'm a shlemuel, I'm a nudnik. My mother told me I'll never know how to cook. My mother-in-law tells me I don't know how to cook. That's it. We're just going to a restaurant. Which is not a bad idea, maybe. Let's not cook up a dish. A mistake's a mistakes. They're meant to ask myself, "What caused the mistake? What can I learn from it? How am I going to correct it tomorrow?" Make an appointment with your guilt. If your guilt is there 24/7, it's not healing. It's a yetzer hara that wants to destroy you. Your guilt comes into your brain. Rabbi Why were you? You know, you should have said this in the class. You didn't say this. You didn't SAY THIS. NO PROBLEM. COME TO ME 1:00. I HAVE 5 MINUTES FOR YOU. We're going to DISCUSS IT FROM 1:00 TO 1:05. YOU'LL tell me what a wretched loser I am. AND 1:05, GO JUMP INTO THE HUDSON. You could choose the Pacific. It's a nice day for you. That's it. You'll see, your guilt will never want that. Your guilt doesn't want a 5-minute appointment. Your guilt wants a 24/7 appointment. Like Rabbi Twerski says, "Why allow your enemy live in your mind rent-free 24/7?" YOUR GUILT WANTS TO LIVE IN YOUR BRAIN. NO PROBLEM. CHARGE HIM RENT. CHARGE your rent. And today rent is pricey. CHARGE YOUR GUILT RENT. LET THEM PAY. YOU DON'T WANT TO PAY OUT. THE GUILT DOESN'T ALLOW that cuz the guilt is so deep. It's like, "I know the truth." This is where we have to become aware energetically to be able to breathe into our bodies and surrender even our guilt to our truth. And then you have an Elul that's not based on guilt. It's realizing ELOKEIM ENA LIYADOI. YES, I need to take responsibility. But there's a story that's larger than everybody here. And therefore the focus is not how bad you are. The focus is how I can escape now from being in a prison, expanding my heart and my mind to be able to show up with love right here, right now. Have a beautiful week. Thank you. Next week we're on B'ezras Hashem 9:30 Tuesday a.m. Tamar Pearlman amazing in a good way counter transference yeah Oh yeah. Wow. And it's not just when the therapist puts the thought on the client. Sometimes it's unconsciously the therapist's unresolved wounds become a major factor and it's not her fault even. It's not her fault. Really? Yeah. So that's what the Hashem says it's true Asav is a law and you have to stay away. But when you're in Ish Emet don't stay away. Go into the trenches because you could help. It's such a powerful idea cuz it tells us when we have to stay away. If there's too much going on inside of me, if I'm being triggered by crazy by this person, I need to go back to do my work because I'm going to become part of the Sheker. On the other hand if you know who you are and you know your pieces and you could watch them and you could put them in their place and you can empathize with them and they don't wreak havoc and control you, then go there. Go there, you'll save lives. Asav needs you. He's desperate. He's tortured. And if not, I may kill somebody unintentionally. I may allow them to die unintentionally. Powerful, huh? Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. We try. Try to be a channel. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah.