Parashat Vayigash - Get rid of the negativity in your life - Rabbi Alon Anava

It's still Hanukkah, so today we will talk about still about Hanukkah, but our daily our weekly sedar is that we start the week with learning about the parashah. And I find it that a lot of people teach and learn about the parashah on Thursday. And the whole point of the parashah is to give me some type of a message for me to work on the entire week. The this is not for not not not by chance that the Torah was divided to parashot. And for the weekly parashah, cuz really when you're looking at the Torah it's divided by perakim, by chapters, not by parashot. That's the original. And sometimes within a parashah you have two chapters. Sometimes one chapter starts in one parashah and ends in a different chapter. But later on our sages broke down the weekly parashah to go by week, and every week has a certain message. And every week has a certain power, a certain hamshacha that I have to tap into and take this week and and utilize something from the Torah for my avodat Hashem, cuz I can't do everything in one shot. So Hashem was very kind to us, and he says, "Okay, I'll give you it to you in installments." And the point is to take something from the parashat hashavua. It's not just a story for me to wow of the beauty of the wisdom, rather to take some type of teachings from the parashah and to apply it for this week. And every week I have to work on something, and if I concentrate on one thing every week, then slowly slowly I'm able to refine myself in a more easy, smoother way, and actually bring down what the parashah wants to to teach me. Of course, in each parashah you can find many many different teachings, so each time we go on on one thing that can carry us for the rest of the week. And the point is to take it and to to apply it to my avodat Hashem. And not only to apply it to my other to shame, but rather to apply to my own to my day-to-day life. Because our sages teach us who I come. The action is the main part. Just to keep it in my mind, just to learn something and to keep it in my mind, that's nice. But if I didn't brought it down to my say Our sages say greater is the Talmud is the teaching learning if I bring it into action. And if I'm sitting in the show all day long and learning, but I don't apply it then it's not worth nothing. So the point is to take a some message from the parashah and take it with me for the rest of the week. That's why we decided we're going to do the show on Sunday and not on Thursday. I asked a few people if they're interested and we will start doing a class that I think we'll do on Thursday about the after. Because nobody gives any importance to the after. You only talk about parashah very few people I hear that they actually mention anything about the after. And if our sages decided we should read the after then it's not less important. And unfortunately most people concentrate on the Torah, but they don't concentrate on the Torah. So and in the after is unbelievable gems. So I asked a few people ladies if they're interested in we will start I think on Thursday we'll do a class about the after. So in this parashah we're parashat Yigash. I always like starting with a little story that there was once a show and unfortunately in this show the show was full of arguments and everybody was arguing with each other. This guy was hating this guy, that guy did something to that guy. Everybody this one wanted to didn't want to sit next to this one. The whole show was only arguments and machlokes. So, at some point the rabbi of the shul decided we got to put an end to it. It's not it's not the way of the Torah. It's not nice that people come to the shul and they argue with each other. So, he decided the auspicious time will be on Yom Kippur. After Kol Nidre, he gets up to the stage and he tells, "Ladies and gentlemen, we we we have a problem in the in our community. There's a lot of arguments, a lot of machlokes. We have to put it to an end." And he starts talking to them and then he says, "Listen, is there anyone here in this shul right now that doesn't have anyone that is upset at him?" Everybody looking at each other. Nobody raises their hands. He's like, "Come on. Such a big congregation, there's not a Nobody here cannot raise their hand and say, 'No, nobody is upset at me?'" Everybody's like looking at each other. Listen, you know, it's Yom Kippur. I can't lie. So, no. Finally, a lady from the women's section raises her hand, an older lady, and she says, "Rabbi, I have I can say that nobody right now is upset at me." So, he says, "No, baruch Hashem. I'm very happy to hear. Let's take example from this old lady of the congregation. And you see, she can testify that nobody's upset at her." And then he turns around to the lady and says, "How how how did you do it?" So, she told him, "Cuz they all died." "What?" "They all died." All the people that "All the people that were upset at me already died." So, In Yiddish, you say a picture of a laughter. Yeah. Which means a tool. Again, she was already old, so she says, "Yeah, I have I can say that nobody's upset at me." And when he was wondering, so she said, "Because they all passed away from the world. So, the unfortunate truth is that we all have unfortunately people that are upset with us. We spoke about it in the last week and the week before cuz we all concentrated constantly about the last two weeks we concentrated about the story with Joseph and the brothers. And there's a as a reason why it's so long with all the parashot. Because it's a very fundamental thing in our life that people hurt us. Constantly. We hurt people and people hurt us. Doesn't matter right now if it's if it's deliberately or not. But throughout our life I go through many situations that people hurt me. And it doesn't really matter right now if it's deliberately or not. But almost on a weekly base somebody hurts me. Almost any day I walk home my wife told me, "No, that's what happened to me in the supermarket today. You know what happened to me there? I you know, almost in any situation that I that I meet somebody once and says, "You're not going to have believe what just happened to me. I was driving. I didn't do anything and this guy All day long we're running into situations that somebody hurts me. So, how do I need to deal with it? I mean in some cases I'm the one that is at fault. That's one thing. But in a lot of cases I didn't do anything. And we spoke about it in length more last week and the week before because we we see that Joseph was sadik. Anything that can possibly be done wrong to him was done to him. His brothers so to say betrayed him. Threw him in a pit. Sold him to to a convoy of Ishmaelites and what You know, the the wife of Potiphar. So, this comes to teach us that we also in our life have a lot of situations that somebody hurts me. Now, what do I need to do? What What is the Torah telling me to do? So, this is brought down in halakha in Shulchan Aruch, that if somebody hurts me and he comes to apologize, I have to forgive him. I have to. And the Halacha is that if the person comes three times, after the third time, I'm That's it. It's like as as if I already forgave him. If I don't forgive him. Now, the Halacha tells me that if somebody comes to ask for forgiveness, I have to be very fast to forgive. This is a law in Shulchan Aruch. So, the Torah is telling me if if if somebody hurt you, but then they come to apologize, you have to accept it. You have to accept it and you can't be like, "No, I don't want to accept it." This is brought down with Shulchan Aruch, but really when you practically ask, "How can you do that? Practically, how can I do that? Somebody now hurt me." And we all face a situation that somebody did something real bad to me that the common sense doesn't allow me to to forgive. The common sense will says, "Okay, I'm not going to revenge. I'm not going to go against. I'm not going to say Lashon Hara. I'm not going to make a whole Gish out of it, but I'm not forgiving. I'm still holding to some type of grudge." Which this is what you would expect from Yosef HaTzaddik. You would expect so he would say, "Listen, I'm not going to kill you. I'm not going to jail you. I'm not going to do anything to you, but I don't want to see you. You get out of here. I don't want to see you ever again. Don't ever come back here." That's what the common sense would say that Yosef would behave with them. So, I want to understand why the Torah is requiring me to forgive somebody. To a point that it's brought down in Halacha. It's brought down in the oral law that if somebody comes and asks for forgiveness, I have to forgive him. Now, really when you're looking at the story with Yosef, it's a great wonder why did Yosef actually right away forgive them? Forget about the story the the show that he did. We spoke about it last week. He did a show, they came, he pretended that there were spies and he jailed Shimon and then he made a whole Hollywood production go bring me your brother. The brother came, Binyamin, he made a feast and you know the whole story, we're not going to repeat it. Okay, we're going to ignore right now all the show. We know that he did the show because he really wanted them to do teshuvah. He wanted to make sure that they really feel bad of selling him and they did to the right teshuvah. But after that, he forgives them. Once he breaks down, he forgives them right away. But not only that he forgives them, he does the complete opposite. Hagomel l'chayavim tovot. He takes them and he tells them, "You don't have to work anymore. I'm the second to the king. I'm the I have the budget. I'm now going to support you and your entire families for the next couple of years." And it happens to be that till they died, Yosef Hatzadik was supporting all their families. So, not only that he forgives them right away, not only that there is no anger, he does the complete opposite, he rewards them and he tells them, "From now on, no work. You sit and study Torah. I'll support you 100%." This is where we get the the the nosach. When a person has to say birkat hagomel, we say hagomel l'chayavim tovot. That you give somebody that has debts, you actually give something good. Cuz we say hagomel l'chayavim tovot. Birkat hagomel, we say when chas v'shalom a person is extremely sick and he became healthy, when a person flew from over the ocean, when a person came out of jail. And another time is when a person crosses the desert and comes out of it alive. So, when in our life, how it applies in our generation, a person crosses the ocean in a plane or a person chas v'shalom b'emet comes out of jail. There's certain times, periods that we say hagomel l'chayavim tovot. But if you listen to the to the actual words in the bracha that you you take somebody that has a chova, if somebody was thrown to jail or chos v'shalom was sick, it means that he had some type of a spiritual debt that the heavenly court decided that that's what's going to be the decree. And then you say a blessing gomel l'chayavim tovot. You you give somebody who's a a chayav, who is a he has debt, you give him good by by giving him the refuah, the salvation, the freedom and so forth. So Yosef Hatzaddik, that's what he did to his brothers. He, instead of punishing them, he actually gives them he rewards them, he gives them good. So that's a big question and I want to know why why he did that and how's that applying to me because I constantly, not me personally, but I constantly get to situations that somebody hurts hurt me and in a lot of cases I was 100% right. You hear stories where they when it comes to inheritance, suddenly everybody's fighting with each other. Business partners also have situations that somebody really does something bad. How can I forgive him right now? So there's a very interesting concept that almost any human being in the world, doesn't matter from which country and what religion, most people believe in some type of a spiritual being that is controlling the world. Doesn't matter how they call him. But the majority of the 7 billion people of the world, including all the rest of the generations back, so you're looking at your billions of people, they believe in in a spiritual entity. Some call it God, some call it another thing, doesn't matter, but they believe that there's a what's called a higher power. Now comes the big question and that's has to do with everybody, every religion, not only in Judaism. How much is this supreme power, this high power, God, how much is involved in what's happening into my life? How much? And this is people who in many other religions they ask that too. So much more so in the Jewish religion. But we constantly ask how much is really Hashem involved in what's happening to me? So if Hashem now I drive in the street and somebody bumps into me with his car and smashes my car, is that the driver's fault? Or is that Hashem's fault? Not Hashem's fault, but is that Hashem who did that? Or is that the driver's fault and Hashem has nothing to do with it? Hashem is like, "Oh, I didn't know." Now somebody now on the street curses me or insults me in public. Is that the person's fault that cursed me? Or that is Hashem's control? It's a very big question because a lot of people say I want to know how much Hashem is involved here. Because if I believe that Hashem is involved in anything, in everything, then basically, I should not get upset at anything. Cuz Hashem is involved in everything. But unfortunately, we not necessarily hold by the fact that Hashem is involved in my life, so I allow myself to get upset at things because if not, I would not get upset. That's why our sages say "Kol ha ko'es kol minei gehinom sholtim bo." A person who's angry is like as if all the entities of gehinom is controlling him. And our sages say that a person who's angry is like "oved avoda zara." He's like a idol worshiper cuz he doesn't believe that Hashem is in control. So he thinks that the situation that has happened happened in the hands of somebody else and therefore he doesn't believe in God. Excuse me? If you can hold the questions till the end unless you're going to forget. Yeah. This is the end. Sometimes the anger is not so much anger as frustration. I know that Hashem is doing everything. I know. Even frustration. somewhere. Okay, frustration is different than anger. Although, when we're going to start learning the course of the Kona midos, and I we're going to break it down to the generations, I call it, then you'll see that I spoke about it a couple times, that we have everything originates from somewhere. So, in the spiritual term, everything originates from the Sefirah that is called Keter. Keter holds everything. From the Keter starts manifesting manifesting into the world all sorts of emotions and midos and and what's called Hamshacha Elokit. I don't want to really sidetrack, but just to to kind of explain it. Now, we know that the midos, the character traits, they originate one from the positive side, one from the negative side. Zeh l'umas zeh bara Elokim. On the positive side, the most highest middah is called middas ha'anavah. Humbleness. And on the other side, the l'umas zeh, the opposing it is middas ha'ga'avah. The pride. These are the two midos, that's where it starts. Now, from middas ha'ga'avah, if chas v'shalom a person has pride, this is the worst middah, it will birth two midos. Ka'as and sadness. Atzvus and ka'as. Ka'as is anger and sadness is is is is atzvus. Atzvus is sadness. Now, each one will start birthing more generations from those ka'as will come frustration and will come a few other more midos that there are are toldos, one generation down from ka'as. And one of them is frustration. So, it is a bad character trait. And and it does belong to ka'as because if I'm not angry at all, then there wouldn't be frustration. So, I don't want to get into that. Let's concentrate now on our topic and later on there's other shame will deal with the frustration, but it's just for the sake of the of your question, let's put it as two separate things. Now, let's concentrate on cars. Because a lot of the times it's not about frustration, rather it's about the moment that I'm angry. Even if I even if I you know, I'm running to the bank and and I really have to deposit something and the bank closed exactly a minute before I came and and I'm pushing the door and I'm knocking and they're like and you're like So, in the first few minutes it's anger. Open the door. Then comes the frustration. I missed the day. So, anger precedes frustration. It's It's almost can't be It's almost inevitable to have frustration before anger came. So, and if the anger would be controlled, then most likely right away there was there was would most likely wouldn't be frustration. But, I don't want to sidetrack too much cuz I want to stay in the in our limits of our class. So, the point is to kind of backtrack we we run into many situations in our life and most human beings will want to know and wonder how much Hashem is involved in in what's happening right now. Now, I gave just an example with a car accident or somebody a cursing me. If you analyze your day or analyze your week your week, try to ask put yourself to the test and ask yourself in almost anything that happens to you, how much is Hashem involved in you right now? I made a meal, I went for a second to the bathroom, I was in the phone, I burned the meal. Is that also Hashem is involved in that? I I you know, I anything any little thing I'll give you a like an extreme example and and please excuse what I'm saying is just a to just to get to the to the depth of it. You go to the bathroom and you find yourself there's no toilet paper. That's also Hashem is involved in that? I mean, you're in a situation, it's a very uncomfortable situation right now. That's what Hashem wants. Hashem wants me to be in an uncomfortable situation? So, not to start giving more and more examples, but try to meditate on the thought how much is Hashem involved in my life. So, from here comes a big question. Why did Joseph the Tsaddik decide suddenly to forgive them? Because if you're reading the Torah for the first time, not for the hundredth time, or for whatever amount of time you read it. Let's say you're first time you're reading the Torah. You don't know what's going to be in the next parashah. You see that first parashah the tribes they they they totally go against Joseph. They throw him to the pit, they sell him to the Arabs, he becomes a slave, he goes to jail. Wow! It's like a soap opera. It's action. What's going to happen next week? The next week, a whole episode, Joseph does suddenly Joseph is the king. A minute ago, last week, I read he was a slave. He was an inmate. Now he's the second to the king. Peter and the brothers show up. Ah, the day you would expect that this is going to be the day of payback. Then he does this whole orchestra. Now this parashah he continues the the the the show. And then when Yehudah walks forward and starts talking strong, who? Suddenly he says, "Okay, I'm sorry. I was joking. I'm Joseph." So, there's a question. Why suddenly? Why suddenly? Okay, so let's last week we answered the fact that he was waiting for them to do teshuvah. Okay. But why suddenly he forgave them? So, the Midrash, there are two Midrashim that that talk about it. One Midrash, which is Midrash Tanchuma, actually says that Joseph was afraid because the brothers came and he know he knew how powerful they are. He knew that one one can destroy a whole city. The Midrash says that when Yehuda came and he banged his leg on the floor, the whole ground of Egypt was shaking. And Yehuda was he came to war. He said, "I'm I'm there's going to be bloodshed here. There's going to be death here." And Joseph knew their power. He knew that his brothers did already chuvah, they'll come to destroy the whole place. The Midrash and Chumash says Joseph was actually afraid. And he was afraid to get into a confrontation. And and that's why he was like, "Okay. B'ezrat Hashem, maybe some other time we're going to talk about it because this is basically where we see the two uh roots of our Mashiachin meeting together. Bet Mashiach ben Yosef and Mashiach ben David. Mashiach ben Yosef comes from the house the lineage of Yosef. And Mashiach ben David comes from the lineage of Yehuda. And this is the time where Yosef and Yehuda were there was a confrontation, so to say. There's also a very mystical mystical meeting there between Yosef and Yehuda. So, Yosef in Midrash the Midrash says Yosef did not want to confront Yehuda. He was afraid. But Midrash Rabbah says, "No. He was not afraid. He saw that Yehuda made chuvah. He saw that the brothers made chuvah. And he decided, 'Okay. That's it. It's enough. The show is enough. I'm going to forgive them.'" But now comes the even a bigger question. Okay, he forgave them. First of all, why did he forgive Yehuda? The Midrash says that the words that Yehuda spoke it it's healed Joseph's wound wound. Because for 20 years Joseph was carrying a wound with him. Can you imagine a 17-year-old boy thrown to the pit. I mean, the Torah is not talking about it, but they tied him. And he was screaming, "Help me. Don't throw me." I was like, "Please, don't let He was banging." They totally ignored him. And then when they took him out, Yeah, he was really begging them. Now, the Torah doesn't go into the into details. We have midrashim that really explain what happened. But how there is a midrash that explains, why didn't they kill him right on the spot? They wanted to kill him. They wanted to get rid of him. First of all, they did not want the blood on their hand. And the time that Yehudah said, "Listen." Exactly on this topic, how much Hashem is involved. Yehudah said, "Listen, let's not kill him because a person who kills another person, even though the person who died maybe that that was the cause and he had to die, but there's also a very big question. If a person now decides to kill another person, can that also be just the will of Hashem?" So, there's an answer that says, "No. If God forbid, a person murders another person, then that in not all cases is the will of the Kadosh Baruch Hu. That's why the murderer can be punished for the actual murder." There's a story with Malach Hamavet, with the angel of death, that there was a certain tanna. Uh I don't remember the name, but he was a good friend with Malach Hamavet, with the angel of death. And he The angel of death would tell him all sorts of stories. So, he told him once the story that one time he tells his helper, "Go and get me a certain individual." And they come back and he's talking about the name Miriam the toferet. I don't remember exactly the the name. And he tells him, "Go and get me this lady." The messenger of of the angel of death got confused and he brought a different lady. He went to Miriam the ganenet, whatever it is, and he brought her. And he says, "What did you do? I didn't tell you to bring her. I told you to bring this woman." He says, "Oh, I made a mistake." So, The the says that that how could it be that there was a mistake? Because sometimes a person there's what's called a shaar ah, person does a certain sin and there's an opportunity now for the Malach Hamavet to come and take the person. So there are opportunities that if you want to look if Hashem is involved, there are opportunities if if a person dies even though it wasn't the on the agenda of the Kadosh Baruch Hu, if that person did something bad and the Malach Hamavet and the person is decided to be the shaliach, then it will be allowed and the person will Has v'shalom will kill it, that person. So it was Yehudah who says, "Listen, let's not kill him. Because let's see what's the will of the Kadosh Baruch Hu. Let's throw him into a pit. If he dies by the snakes and the scorpions, means that that was the ratzon of the Kadosh Baruch Hu anyways, and at least we were just the shlichim, we didn't do the we didn't kill him. And if he doesn't die, means that Yosef HaTzaddik has a tzelem Elokim and he's protected. And anyway, so we didn't do nothing. So they threw him into the pit. So the point is not to really sidetrack from the whole story is Yehudah when he came to speak with Yosef, he spoke to him and he started telling him, "Listen, about Binyamin cuz they they didn't did not want to go back to without Binyamin. Cuz the story says that after the feast, Yosef puts somehow they you know the midrash says that they all got drunk there and somehow they they they snuck in and they put the goblet into Binyamin's pack. They all go away. Menashe runs after them, tells them the goblet is stolen. Right away they say, "No, no, no, it's not us." And the the the brothers, the shvatim, they say, "Okay, look for it. And whoever whoever the stole it is going going our slave." They said it. And of course they find it by Benjamin. So they take Benjamin to be a slave. So Yehuda comes forward and says, "Listen, I'm much better than him. Why are you taking this little boy? Look at me, I'm strong. I'm I'm I'm I I know how to fight." He starts giving him all his qualifications. And then he tells Joseph, "Why do you need him in your house? I'm honest. He's a thief." Yehuda was so sophisticated he tells Joseph, "Why do you need him? He's a thief. What do you want a thief going in your house stealing things from you? I'm an honest man. I'm not going to steal from you. Take me." Yehuda was coming in all any situation to to to take Benjamin out. And then he started saying, "I can't I can't go home because he's enough show enough show. He's He's soul is is is a is a very connected to his father and his father's going to die." The words of Yehuda they started healing the wound of Joseph for 20 years carrying this wound because he he he he did not understand why they did it to him. So that it says that the words of Yehuda soothes the wound that Joseph was able to give in and say, "Okay, I forgive you." Now starts a different problem. Okay, Joseph went beyond nature and he forgave them. Now he's to look at live with them. So in many situations in my life, something happens, I forgive the individual but I have to live with that person. I have to see that face that face every day. And you know, that's not easy. You may forget. It's very easy to forget in this encounter and then you split and you don't see that person ever again so you don't remember it. Somebody did something to me many many years ago. Uh and it really really hurt me. And and there was a lot of money involved. It was a big big big problem. Okay, at the time I was like, "Okay, I'm going to forgive. I'm going to forget and I'm moving on." That person had the chutzpah like two or three years later to suddenly open up the the Pandora box and suddenly I'm getting an email that I owe him money. I'm like, what? And what kind of a chutzpah and I got so upset. For a couple days I was carrying this anger and then you know, it bursted out and in this horrible email. And then again, backwards and forth and in my mind I was like, not only that I was done wrong. I forgave. Now he's claiming that he owes me money and he was Excuse me? That he that I owe him money. Anyways, again it it's came up. And then again, it quieted down and again I was like, okay, I'm going to forgive, I'm going to forget and I erased it. And then again was an episode that again I ran into him. So, for 2 or 3 years that he wasn't when he wasn't around me, I didn't keep any anger, it didn't affect me. It was like as if I totally let go. The second that I saw his face and we're physically we're close to each other cuz after 2 or 3 years he came once to the shul where I was where when I lived in America, we had a shul. So, he came to the shul. So, again, just by seeing him aroused all this anger and the and the and the all these emotions. So, sometimes it's easy to forgive, but when the person is not in your view, is not in your face. But when the person is in your community, in your congregation, your neighbor, in your home, it's in your family and every family event you have to see that face. So, then you see that you really didn't really really really forgive because you're still holding some So, with Joseph, okay, so we see Joseph forgave right away, but then he has to live with them for 20 years. He's in in his face. In his face. So, that's even much harder than really forgiving him. Now, it's very interesting, but we see in the Torah and especially in Humash Bereshit that there's a lot of arguments and fights between brothers. And each argument a a as it goes becomes a little bit less and a little bit less. So, if we go by the the arguments by the order, so the first one is Cain and Abel. Now, Cain was the older one and Abel was the successful one. And the story says that, you know, Hashem wanted an offering. Cain came with some rotting rotten potatoes. Abel came with a beautiful offering. And then Hashem turned into to to Abel. And Cain got upset and killed him. So, the first argument between brothers, it ended up with murder. No solution. Murder. Then we come to the next brothers that were fighting. And that was Abraham and Ishmael. Isaac and Ishmael. Now, it doesn't really go into the argument, but there was an argument. There was a disagreement. And at some point Sarah said to Abraham, "He has to go." Geresh et ha'amah hazot. Take the maidservant throw her with her son. So, we know there was an argument with Isaac and Ishmael. And the Torah doesn't go into length into that, but we see that there was never uh never a solution. There was never It doesn't say that they ever made up. It doesn't say that they were friends. Or they just say that they split their ways. But that's already at least it didn't end up with murder. Then the next pair that fights is Jacob and Esau. But at least the Torah says that at towards the end they met again after Jacob comes out of Haran and they kiss and they hug and they Esau says, "Come and live with me." And at least they they they didn't kill each other. And they somehow made peace. And they lived their life. And then of course, the fourth is Joseph and the brothers. Here we see that there was complete forgiveness. So, every fight, every pair of brothers, it's became a little bit better, a little bit better, and a little bit better. But we see that the Torah is constantly talking about about the fighting between siblings. Now of course comes here a big question, why should I forgive? Somebody did something bad to me, why should I forgive? Now let's say now I'm a 1000% right. Not not a 99% right. Now I'm 100% right. I've all the rights to be angry. Why should I forgive? Not because the Torah tells me I have to forgive. Take it from me. Why do I need to forgive? Cuz Hashem forgives us. Also, but the first thing that I need to forgive is because if I don't forgive, I keep the negativity in me. So, for myself. I need to forgive for myself, for my own self. Why should I hurt myself? If I'm holding anger right now and I'm not forgiving, that person goes on his way and I'm holding the anger. You know that most of the diseases they can come from me holding anger. High blood pressure, heart attacks, strokes, all these symptoms, anger. Person is holding anger in him. Anger is so negative. It's such a negative character trait. It It produces such negative energy. And if I'm holding it in me, the Torah says, "V'aseer hara mikirbecha." Move move the the bad from you. Why do I need to keep this anger in me? You know, the people who live longer are the ones who don't care about nothing. So, first of all, I need to forgive for my own good. I shouldn't hold it in myself. It's the worst thing to do is to hold anger. And I And I heard once a funny story that there was a certain individual who had a his business and he had a truck that carries the cement. You know those trucks that they have them in the back that that that bin and they put the cement and they drive around and it creates the cement. That was his business. And all day long 4:00 in the morning he had to go to the plant and you know they had to fill his truck and then he had to go back to the construction site and all day long he was in the truck. And his dream his life dream was to one day sell the truck and buy a beautiful Mercedes. That was his dream. And for years and years he's working hard and all he could dream of is to have a Mercedes. And he had a very hard job. I don't know if you see them you know they have to to wash the truck and take things apart and all that. One day he comes home after a very long and hard day and not only that he's tired and he's weak and he's upset and he's waiting for the day he can fulfill his dream somebody's parked in his parking. Now he has a big truck. He can't park it wherever he wants. Now more than that, what's parked in his parking? Mercedes. A Mercedes. His dream car. He gets so upset. He backs turns around. He backs up. He opens the thing and he all the cement on the Mercedes. And then he drives off, parks somewhere far away, walks home upset and he walks home all in anger. And his wife comes and tells him happy birthday my dear husband. Here's the keys I bought you a Mercedes. And I parked it in your parking. So the anger you know ended up hurting himself. Now I don't know if it's a real story or not, but the real The point is that my anger hurts me. The point that I'm holding anger in me, at the end of the day it will just hurt me, nobody else. Of course, yeah, it will hurt everybody around me, but the ultimate it will hurt me. Now, the other reason why I should forgive, exactly what you said, a person that is able to forgive, then from shamayim they forgive him. Not only that, if I'm a person if I have nature to constantly forgive people, when I need to be forgiven, then you forgive me. Then you forgive me that I you find grace in in me and you're like, "Okay, I'll forgive him." If I'm a person that is the holds anger and grudge to everybody, when it's time for me to be forgiven, nobody wants to forgive me. So, you know, it's a good good emotion. I'll forgive, I'll get forgiven, especially from shamayim. It says If I'm constantly forgiving other people, then Hashem does the exact same thing with me. And there's a there's a famous story in the Gemara, in Maseches Taanis, that Taanis is a fast, and the whole maseches the whole tractate is talking about different fasts, and it's talking about when there's drought. So, there's a story that there was a drought in Eretz Yisrael, and they decided to to make a special prayer. So, they call Rabbi Eliezer, and they tell him, "You be the chazzan." And he started praying, and he prayed 24 prayers. 24 prayers, and nothing happened. So, they say, "Okay, the chazzan is not doing so great. Let's get a different chazzan." So, they call Rabbi Akiva. Rabbi Akiva comes up to the duchan, and all he says, "Avinu Malkeinu, ein lanu melech ela Ata." That's it. Avinu It's Akiva that actually compiled this this bracha Avinu Malkeinu. That's what he says. Rabbi Akiva just stands says Avinu Malkeinu and then he had to boom starts pouring coming pouring down rain. So everybody starts talking about Rabbi Eliezer. Listen, something's going on there. Maybe he's not so kosher. Maybe something's going on. I mean listen, he prayed 24 prayers, nothing worked. This guy Rabbi Akiva comes says one sentence and rain starts coming down. They all started talking bad about Rabbi Eliezer. So comes a heavenly voice and says, "No, no, no. Don't talk anything bad about Rabbi Eliezer. He's as great as Rabbi Akiva. Just that Rabbi Akiva ma'avir al midotav. Rabbi Akiva knows how to forgive very very fast. Ma'avir al midotav is that he doesn't he doesn't hold grudge and right away he forgives. Somebody hurt him, right away he ignores. Somebody said something against him, right away he ignores. This is called ma'avir al midotav. And because that was his character trait, then right away when he said the Kadosh Baruchu, "Come on, we need rain here." That's all he had to say. Then Hashem said, "What? I'm going to now, you know, hold something against him? I He always forgives everybody so I can I have to also forgive." And right away rain came down. So we see that when I have the custom of constantly forgiving, then I get forgiven. And you know, David HaMelech gave us a beautiful hint, a beautiful teaching that we say it constantly in Psalm 23. He says, "Hashem tzilcha lyad yeminecha." We read it so many times this this chapter of Tehillim. But what does it mean Hashem tzilcha lyad yeminecha? Tzilcha is your shadow. The same way that I raise my hand, my shadow will move with me. Wherever I go, the shadow moves with me. So, David HaMelech says Hashem is your shadow. Whatever you do, that's what Hashem does. So, if I'm constantly in the motion of forgiving, then Hashem is in constantly in the motion of forgiving. Doesn't matter if I grab it for me, for my loved ones, for my family, or for Klal Yisrael. Now, there's a famous story in the Tanakh, and this is basically what we need to learn from. This is what we need to take, and this is basically what Yosef HaTzadik uh applied. And that's our main main lesson lesson. And the story says that David HaMelech had all sorts of enemies, and at some point, a certain individual approached David HaMelech. His name His name was Shimei ben Gera, and he started cursing David HaMelech. But, seriously cursing. Okay, so stood up a certain individual called Avishai ben Zeruiah, and he said, "Okay, we got to kill him. Chop his head off. He cursed the king. Marad b'Malchut, he went against the king." So, there's There's a whole story there, but David HaMelech stops him and says, "No, don't need to kill him." "Why? You don't need to kill him. He just cursed the king." So, David HaMelech says, "Hashem amar lo kalel. Hashem told him to curse. He didn't curse by himself. He's just a tool. He's the stick. Hashem told him to curse." And David HaMelech says, "No, don't do anything to him. The problem is The problem is between me and the Kadosh Baruch Hu, not this person. If I had to get cursed, it means that that's what the Kadosh Baruch Hu wanted to cur- to tell me, or to do to me, and that person is just the stick. That Hashem hit me with a stick, I can't be upset at the stick. If I have an issue, I have to be upset in the at Hashem. More than that, I have to see if I'm now getting a stick and now and I'm getting hit now. The problem is in me, not with anything else. And I cannot be upset at the stick that hits me. And that's the what David the king said at the time, and he was like, "No, he he he didn't do anything, that person." And this is exactly what Joseph did. This is exactly what Joseph was like, "I I'm not upset at you." Joseph told the brothers, "I'm not upset at you." Joseph saw all the good in it. He told them, "You know, Hashem sent me here sent me here for Look at me now. I'm the second to the king. Yeah, I had to suffer. I was in a pit, I was sold to the convoy, I was a a slave, I was in jail for 20 years 20 12 years. But now look, I'm the second to the king. Look where I came. And not only that, I'm like the ruler of the world, and Mizraim was a was the empire. Everybody the whole world had the the famine." So he told them that this whole bad was in order to do good. Not only that, I'm not upset at you. Hashem Hashem made it all happen. So not only that he wasn't it was easy to forgive, he wasn't even angry. And the point is that it's not the person that hurts me. When I something happens to me, you curse me, if somebody hits me in the in the in my car, something happens to me, it's not the person that did that to me. The person is just the stick. It's just the the the messenger. It's nothing to do with with with with the situation. Hashem chose that person to be the messenger. Now, of course, in different situations, yeah, the person is actually happy, or he does it deliberately. That's his issue. It says that the person that does something bad deliberately, he will get punished for that. But he's going to get punished for the fact that he he wanted to do it. Same with Pharaoh. We we learn it from Pharaoh. Pharaoh Why did got punished? But it says that Hashem constantly hardened his hardened his heart. That's not fair. One might argue and says, "Wait a minute. You You wrote in the Torah that Hashem hardened his heart. Why are you punishing him?" So, Hashem says, "Yes, I hardened his heart, but he he he enjoyed slaving them. He enjoyed killing them. He wanted to. So, for that he gets punished, not for the fact that I sent him to be the messenger." So, really the the person who does something bad to me, I I have no issue with being upset with that person. Hashem sent him. Whether that person did it deliberately, not deliberately, happy, on purpose, that's a whole different thing. But I have no right to be upset at the person. If I have an issue, I have to go look in Shamayim, not at the not not at the person. And when you're thinking about it, if now you do something bad to me, and I want to Hashem right away react, then it's like somebody hitting me with a stick, and I'm now going and and hitting the stick instead of hitting the person. That's kind of the idea. That I'm I'm I'm hitting the stick that hits me. That's what a dog will do. If you now take now a stick and you hit the dog, the dog doesn't come to you. He bites the stick. Because he doesn't understand that it's you that's hitting him. He thinks the stick is hitting him. That's as the same as me if I'm getting upset at you that you did something to me. Because I'm I'm I'm I'm coming to with complain to the stick instead of saying, "Wait a minute. If If I'm getting now this bite, Hashem Hashem sent this dog to bite me right now, well, it means that I have some issue that I have to work on. I have to do something." So, the point that the reason first of all why Yosef Hatzadik did it because he just saw that in the bad there is good. Ain ra omered min Hashamayim. There's no such a thing as a bad thing comes from Shamayim. Even if something that looks real bad, there's something good in it. And Yosef was able to see the good in the bad. Yeah, he became the second to the king. He was able to now control the world. He was able to sustain all his brothers. He was able now to First of all, he already saw in his holy vision that he had to come to Mitzrayim. They all had to come to Mitzrayim. So, he saw the good in it. And that's the first thing that I need to take is that in everything bad, there's always good. It might look bad, but if I'm waiting for the chapter to end, and I'm going to just be patient, I'll see that there's good in the bad. Maybe in my lifetime, I'm not going to see what was the good in it, but there's no such thing as bad. Hashem doesn't do anything that's bad. There's no bad coming from the heavens. I might be the problem. I might be the limited one that can't see the good in it, but it doesn't mean that there's no good in it. Just means that I can't see it. So, first of all, what I want to take from that is that anything that happens to me, there's good in it. I just have to know how to reveal that good. I need to know how to dissect it, ignore the bad, and then derive out of it the positive. Like I'm eating now an orange. I peel the orange. Sometimes, you know, I'm I'm spoiled with peeling oranges cuz it gets under my nails and it stings. I will tell my wife, "Can you peel orange for me?" My my dear wife, she peels the oranges to me. I just can't take I I get like like this dry skin. But the point is that I want to get rid of the bad by peeling the bad cuz I know inside is good. I know there's a good fruit in there. It's going to be full of nutritions and it's going to be tasty. So, in life, everything is covered with something bad. Sometimes the bad is real rough. Sometimes the bad is not so bad. The point is that right away to understand that everything comes from the Kadosh Baruch Hu. Every little thing, even when I go to the bathroom without the toilet paper, excuse me. It's everything is the Kadosh Baruch Hu turns the things around. The other day my son, he opens the door from the shower, "Aba! Aba!" He screams on the bed. I run up. I think something happened. "What happened?" "I don't have a towel." He says, "Who goes into the shower without a towel?" "I forgot a towel." So, I told him "Sof Ma'aseh Be Machshava Techila. You know, you before you go into the to the bathroom, you take with you a towel." So, and then I was laughing and I was like, even that Hashem made him forget the towel, so he can call me, so I can run up and not get upset that he's getting me out of my I was reading video exactly. So, I said, "Look how Hashem Hashem is so so detailed. He will make my 10-year-old boy not take a towel with him. Suddenly, there's no towels in the shower, so I will in the middle of learning get distracted and to either be like this and close the book and what do you want?" Or be like, close the book. Yes. What do you need? And come back. So, in anything, you can get really upset like that or right away be like, "Okay." That's also Hashem's will. Hashem wants to see wanted to see in this case if I'll slam the book or if I'll scream to him, "Get it yourself." Or get upset. Hashem constantly does these little things and the point is that to see that in everything, first of all, Hashem is in control. Hashem wants you to go through what you want to go through. So, this is a very small thing, a very minor thing to get upset. If you get upset at something like that, something's wrong with you. You want to get if you if you're ready talking about getting it upset, get upset. I can understand you get upset at something serious. The point is that even from the small things to the big things, that was Hashem's will. And everybody's message is of Hashem and it's my part, it's in my obligation to see the good and the kindness in everything. And not to be OCD and a psychoanalyze every little thing. Oh, I forgot the toilet paper. What is the shame? One for me. That's not the point to become OCD on these little things, but to understand that everything is for my good. It's for me to appreciate something. It's to see the beauty and the kindness, how it's hidden in everything. Everything is concealed. It's covered maybe, but there's something beautiful in it. So, that's the first thing that I need to take, that I need to start applying to my life, that everything is special. Everything is good. There's good in everything. And you know, not too long ago we had here something funny. You know, we have here uh rooms in this building. And the rooms are designated for our students. But when the rooms are not full, we need to fund the organization, so we rent the rooms like a hotel. Beautiful rooms. Why not? We have a a big organization. It runs It has to run on something. It doesn't run on air. So, whenever we have free rooms, we rent them. Okay, not too long ago an individual came. Now, I'm not a hotel manager. I don't want a hotel. I'm not looking for headaches. I have enough headaches. This is a seminary. So, this guest comes and we rented the room. And he starts screaming. And this, and why is this like that, and why is this like this? And I'm like, "What do you want from me? Do I look to you like a bellboy? I need to now now cater you?" And he he he did something in the room that starts that kept short-circuiting the electricity. And he kept coming down. And the electricity goes down and you and you're doing to me uh I said it in Hebrew. I don't even know how you say it in English. Avel. Uh You're causing sorrow. Yeah, you're causing any and I was like what do you want from me? And then I tell him okay, let me come into the room. I look what's causing the short circuit. No, you can't come into the room. I was like how can I solve the problem if you're not letting me come into the room? And he kept coming down here and screaming and other people are looking and who's this guy coming in his robe and 3 hours of backwards 3 hours of backwards and forwards and he's screaming at me and I'm like you know like what do you want? At the end of the day I told him listen I cannot solve your problem it's ended up that he came down with his kids and he's like give me a different room. I told him listen this is not a hotel. I told this is a women's seminary. This is you know we run the the the give these rooms you're supporting the place this is not a hotel. You have a problem go to a different room. I don't have another room to give you. Long story short I told him you want me to solve your problem you have to let me come into the room. Okay, I come into the room I see that he plugged something into the into the bathroom that was causing the electricity to constantly drop. So we solved the problem anyways after a couple hours he comes down I apologize I I'm sorry forgive me that I was rude blah blah blah blah and this is like after 3 4 hours that he was like every 5 minutes coming and yelling at me and screaming and threatening and which would be the the easiest now all this is happening when couple hours before Shabbat when there's pressure and I have to organize the place and get everything ready and you know Shabbat all the problems happen. So it would it was the most auspicious time for me to lose my my my my patience and my wife was like like if I was if I had to deal with it I would just tell him leave I don't want you here. So later on he comes and he apologized and I'm sorry and I didn't mean to and blah blah blah blah blah. But why am I telling you all that? Because he I mean, every Friday we have here a lot a lot of people, so we had here a very big Friday, I don't know, 30, 40, 50 people and a whole meal and beautiful. And he sat in the corner and he was looking and he was totally shocked. Anyway, long story short, we became very friendly. And and and after that we even became even more friendlier and so why am I telling you all this? That in most cases when a relationship starts with a big argument or big fight if you know how to I mean, I could easily get upset at him. I could throw him out or yell back or whatever. Besides, forget about that, it's not the right thing to do. But let's say I would shalom fail and I would answer back or something then probably most likely he would either leave or it will just escalate to be much worse. But just the fact that I didn't do anything, I still you know, tried to accommodate him and everything, we we became very friendly and and something very beautiful came out of it. So excuse me? On Friday. And last time I realized that exactly that when you meet somebody and it starts no good we are looking at the real faces. So after that anything is possible. Exactly. And if you The reason why I'm saying that is because sometimes you just have to give something the opportunity. It would be the easiest thing for me to tell him get out of here or to burst that anger back at him. But just the fact that I restrained and I respected him and I understood, okay, maybe he's going through something. That's not the point. The point is that that when things start with a big exactly how you're saying there's something good in it. And if you're patient enough and you let the storm pass, then you're able to pull the good out of it, and something good is going to come out of that. A good relationship, a good business deal. You never know what good comes out of things. And the more that it's good, the more it's going to be wrapped with a horrible wrapping. That's how it is. Hashem gives beautiful presents with horrible wrappings. The The world You know, the world offers emptiness with beautiful wrappings. I now live now Hashem, I'm back in Israel. I lived now 18 years in America. And I call it the land of nothing, because the words in Hebrew have meaning, and America is um Rick. Empty na- Everything is empty there. Because it's all glitter and shining and big monstrosity buildings, and everything is like wow. But it's all empty. So, the thing is that the world is very good with delivering, you know, a fake, glittery, shiny cover, and inside is empty. But Hashem is the complete opposite. Hashem gives you a beautiful, beautiful present, but it's wrapped horrible. That you don't even want to open it. He gives you a diamond ring wrapped in a newspaper that you would most likely even throw the newspaper. Exactly. So, the point is to take from that that first of all everything Everything is for the good. Everything comes from Hashem. Hashem wants only the good in me. Hashem wants only for me to to see the kindness and the and the and the beauty in things. I just have to have the right frame mind frame to see that there's good in everything. And more than that, I should take that is that in any situation Hashem is sending it. I should not be upset at anybody. Why? Cuz it's affecting me. I'm holding the anger. I'm holding the negativity. It's not good for me. The end of the day all all that you look at in that situation that I'm the one who loses the most. I'm the one who's going to carry the anger. I'm the one who's going to carry the frustration. I'm the one who's going to carry the the the this negativity in me. More than that, what am I angry at? I'm angry at the at the at the at the messenger. The the mailman brings me a a bad letter from something. I'm going to be upset at the mailman. He just gave me the letter. Point to take from that and that what we should apply for this week is that there's good hidden in everything. Everything is concealing something good. There's good in everybody. I should need to I need to know how to see the good in everybody and not to cover. And the most important thing is to know that everything happens from Hashem is just by me forgiving is I'm passing it on. That's the the term Mal Ve Ramido Tav, passing it on. Just pass this negativity somewhere else. Let it go somewhere else. Why hold this negativity in me? Passing it else I mean to throw it to the Throw it to the toilet. No no no not holding it. Some people they're they're holding things. I know people you go to the house they hold they have newspapers from 80 years ago. Why you holding it? No, maybe one day. Just let it go. Just In this world it's good to get rid of things. Some people hold on things for 50 years for no reason. And the more you hold on things they become more part of you and you can get rid of it. So the point is that we want to get rid of everything. Everything is done for the good. We have to trust that Hashem is always in control and only wants the good of us. With God's help, Hashem, it's still Hanukkah today. Can still wish you a beautiful Hanukkah Sameach. Hanukkah the last day of Hanukkah. I thought it's called Zot Hanukkah. It's the most auspicious day of the Hanukkah. It is actually the day that our sages say that this is the day that whoever did not do his full chuva on the Saturday of chuva can finish his chuva on the last day of Hanukkah. The last day of Hanukkah is a very very auspicious time. It's the most powerful day of Hanukkah. We should take that to to to consideration. And we still have a few hours to to concentrate on our chuva. A big part of our chuva is giving giving up and and forgiving. As it says on Yom Kippur, that if Hashem a person did not forgive his fellow friend, then he cannot come into the show and and and expect Hashem to forgive him. So, this is very well connected. This is the day to finish my chuva. Zos Hanukkah, the eighth day of Hanukkah is and can be the completion of my chuva. And my completion of chuva is really letting go and forgiving every person who did something bad to me in order for I for me to to gain my forgiveness. And as other sham, if we just see the good in everything and we apply this to our life, then by default we are cleaning and cleansing the world and creating space for the Kadosh Baruch Hu to ready to send us the redemption, to bring us the holy temple, the third Beit Hamikdash. Bezras Hashem, it should happen very speedy in our days. And still can wish you a Shavuah Tov and Chag Sameach. And have a beautiful successful week. Amen.