Parashat Shemot - Stop! think...act.. - Rabbi Alon Anava

[music] We are in Parshat Shmot. Uh we're getting introduced to Moshe Rabbeinu. Baruch Hashem, our hero. Uh in this parasha not only that we get introduced to Moshe Rabbeinu Moshe Rabbeinu has his meeting with the Kadosh Baruch Hu. And of course the meeting is done in the mountain. Moshe Rabbeinu goes out for a walk with the goats and he sees a burning bush. And he doesn't understand how the burn the the bush the fire is not burning the bush or it's not consuming it. Actually, it's interesting because the Torah is talking about the birth of Moshe Rabbeinu a little bit about his life and then he disappears for 62 years. And the Torah is not talking about where he was, what he did. Suddenly, you know, he's back into the picture when he's 80 years old. [clears throat] Nevertheless, we see in the parasha that Moshe Rabbeinu is minding his own business enjoying retirement. He's 80 years old, takes walks in the morning. And one day, whoop, he sees the snake in front of him. So we're in the normal melech we're learning. Uh there's a lot of mamarim in the the parasha of Shmot. Uh let's just count so you see where we are. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11. So in the 12th mamar in depending which version you have. Uh the mama starts with O Yomar Vayera Elav Mitoh Hasneh. Uh in my version it's a page 124. And [clears throat] again the mama starts with Vayera Vayera Elav Mitoh Hasneh. [snorts] So we know Moshe Rabbeinu is walking on the mountain, then he sees a bush going up on fire. And he's looking at the bush and the fire is not consuming the bush. And later on Hashem reveals himself from the snake from the bush. The snake is the bush. And the mama starts Vayera Elav and he appeared to him Mitoh Hasneh from within the burning bush the snake Vayera Hineh Sneh Bo'er and here you see the snake is burning. V'Einenah Ukal Vayomer Madua Lo Yivar Hasneh. He sees that the bush is not burned by the fire and he's asking how can it be? How can it be that the fire is burning the bush but the bush is not being consumed by the fire. So first we have to explain the specific way how it's written because the the the lashon the the grammar here changes. First of all it says Sh'amar [clears throat] V'Hasneh Einenu Ukal. The snake does not get doesn't say the word burned. Rather Ukal Ukal means that consumed. The right translation actually is digested. Like like you know Ochel is food but when you digest something is Ikul. Even though Ikul is with a letter iron, but nevertheless, the the the same idea is that the board the bush is not being so to say consumed and digesting and consuming is the same idea. The later on he says madua lo yivar hasneh. Why isn't the snare being burnt? So the first time he's asked saying why isn't the snare snare the bush being consumed? And the second time he says why isn't it being burnt? I mean when the Torah tells you something and it's the same idea but with different words, then there's obviously something hinting there. Some type of a secret in there. The thing is that most people when they read out from the Torah, they don't pay attention to every little word. They just read it fast. And very few people have the observation to say hey, how come you said this and now you said that? So here the normal makes an observation how come in the beginning you're saying the snare lo ukal and later on the snare lo boer. It doesn't get burnt. Why lo yivar lo ne'ekhal hasneh? It would make much more sense to say why wouldn't the snare was eaten or digested? He's there I mean the word that he's using ukal resembles ne'ekhal to being eaten. How come he's not saying madua lo ne'ekhal hasneh? He says ukal hasneh. Again, this is different words how to different words how to say the word. And he's wondering why he's saying that because obviously there's a hint there. And then he and it seems al de'a hamusav de'a hinei hatzadikim gam hayetzer hara ne'efakh le hem letov. It seems when we explaining [clears throat] that based on teachings of Musar that the Tzadikim their yetzer hara also turns they were able to transform their yetzer hara to good. Meaning in in Krias Shma Krias Shma we say "B'chol l'vav'cha" meaning with both of your yetzerim with yetzer tov and yetzer hara. Nevertheless one should not believe in himself too much. They always have to be very cautious. The yetzer hara you sometimes feel that you change them. And you he he's actually feeding you that you are such a Tzadik that you transform him to be good. And he tells you when you look in the mirror, "Wow! Look at that beard. Moshe Rabbeinu didn't have such a beard. And wow, look at this tzitzit. Four of them you got. You are a Tzadik and you made me a Tzadik too." The yetzer hara tells you, "You made me a Tzadik. I go with you to shul everyday. And I kosher like you. You made me a baal teshuvah." And then he's waiting for you for a second not to look. That's when he's puts you the the knife between your ribs. A person should not believe in himself too much that he's in such a high level. One constantly needs to be careful from the advice of the yetzer hara. It says in the snake that an angel of Hashem has appeared to Moshe Rabbeinu in the flame. The yetzer hara is also called a malach. He's also an angel. What is it mean? He shows himself to you with a lot of excitement, like fire. Excitement to do a mitzvah, excitement to wake up early, excitement to learn, excitement to become observant. He just shows it to you. As it's mentioned above. He always pretending that the likes to pretend that he's became became good. He gives you a week, two, three weeks, a month, quiet. Doesn't bother you too much. You suddenly start feeling, hey, wait a minute, I think I got rid of him. He didn't bother me now for the last three weeks. That's it. I probably killed him. He makes it appear like as if he got transformed into good. In the beginning, he shows it to you like a bush. And and Moshe Rabbeinu is looking at the bush and he sees that it's burning with fire. What does it mean? The script explains He sees that the Sneh is representing the yetzer hara. He also can burn with a lot of excitement to serve the creator. Blessed be his name. He shows the yetzer hara is showing you that he's excited to serve Hashem also. He's helping you to go to shul, helping you to go at 4:00 in the morning to the mikveh. He's showing excitement. Nevertheless, the Sneh doesn't get digested, doesn't get consumed. What is he trying to tell you? To be very careful with the yetzer hara cuz he knows how to sometimes back off so you'll have a a run and you'll feel that that's it, that I did it. I was able to overpower him. He's not bothering me now. Sometimes he lets you go for like half a year. Half a year. Nobody's knocking on the door. Every day you go to shul, to the minyanim, you learn, everything is good. You forget that he's there he's there. He's letting you get used to the situation that everything is good. And then then he attacks again. That's why he says you have to be very careful from the yetzer hara till the last day of your life. Like the sages say in Pirkei Avot, "Al ta'amin be'atzmecha ad yom motcha." Don't believe in yourself till the day you die. Don't come and say, "Oh, that's it. Look at Look at this nice beard, nice black suit. That's it. I'm sitting with Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai, minimum." Vayomer, [snorts] "Asura na ve'ereh." What does Moshe Rabbenu say? "Let me move away and I observe again. Asura na, I will move away. Ve'ereh, let me look what's going on here." Hatzadik oleh tamid mimadrega lamadrega. We constantly grow from one level to another level. Kasher yatmid ba'avodato Yitbarach Shmo be'emet uvetamim. When you really put your mind to your avodat Hashem, you you really uh are aware of everything that you're doing. You're not doing it like a robot. Unfortunately, many people how they serve Hashem is robotic. It's like a system. Wake up in the morning, mikveh, praying, eating, Mincha, Maariv, this, that, everything is like a robot. Going to sleep, and they're doing everything, but like literally like a machine. There's no There's no hergesh. There's no feeling here. What am I doing? Did I pray today Shacharit like I prayed yesterday or what am I doing here? A lot of people, unfortunately, they come and they do their avodat Hashem. They do it. But like a like a eved, like a like a a man, like a slave. There's no life here. Now, a person that really wants to focus on on his avodat Hashem, has to really focus on every day, how was my prayer today? Was I prayed really good today? Or maybe it was I not so good like like yesterday. To make a every day an account. That's why I constantly talk about Kriyat Shema al Hamitah. Because you allow yourself 5 minutes, 10 minutes during the day to sit and to say, "Okay, nobody's here. Nobody's watching. And let me make a quick account. How was my day today? I give enough charity? Did I was a courteous enough to every person that looked at me? And maybe where am I lacking? Maybe I didn't pray with the right kavana. Uh you can say that 50 times a day. If but if you don't have the time to say it 50 times a day, then at least make yourself one time in the in the end of the day, that you sit on your bed. It's the end of the day already. Nobody's bothering you. You don't have to go anywhere. I'm not saying while you're saying Kriyat Shema al Hamitah. You want to do it 5 minutes before. So Kriyat Shema al Hamitah, you already did cheshbon nefesh and you already did your teshuvah. You want to come and say Kriyat Shema after you did teshuvah. So if you have the awareness, every hour, you can do your hitbonenut once an hour and make a stop for 2 3 minutes and say, "How was my last hour? I wasn't nice to that guy. I was late to the minyan. When I prayed, I only focused on five of the brachot and not on the all 18 of the brachot." You can make a quick analogy. This is a eved Hashem beemet. Eved have shame be made that is constantly looking in himself. And in analogy analyzing himself. You finish a conversation. I mean listen, we're not we're not stupid. If you hurt somebody with your speech, you know that. It's usually your ego that says ah. But you finish a conversation, you can right away say you know what I I was a little bit too much uh rough with this guy or I was talking with from a place of ego. Or maybe I was too nice. I'm not always talking from that side. Maybe I was too nice. That person needed to get a little bit more of a uh firmness from here. Nevertheless, I always do that especially with my kids. That's why kids are the best education system for yourself. People think that they're educating the kids. If you are humble, the kids really teach you. And every encounter that I have with one of my kids, I analyze it right away. It's very easy to lose your temper on on a kid, very easy. It's very easy to feel that you're higher than the kid. Oh, what are you talking about? I know better than you. It's very easy to lose yourself in front of a kid and because you're also physically bigger than the kid. So by default, you're thinking you're smarter, you're stronger, you're better, have more experience, I brought you to the world. That's all these qualities that pump up your ego. I'm better, I'm better, I'm better, I'm better. So if you're humble, you look at the kid, a two-year-old, a four-year-old, a six-year-old and you learn from the kid. Listen, David said I learned from everybody. David was a very wise man and he was able to be so humble to say I have learned from everybody. So I specifically analyze my conversations with my kids and to see if I'm really humble. Cuz if I can talk humble to a 4-year-old or a 6-year-old and listen to them, listen to their opinion, apologize. I don't know many parents that apologize to their child. I understand sometimes you lose your temper, and that's a totally normal thing. I'm not saying that it's a good thing. It's normal that you come home from work, you're busy, you're stressed, there's a lot of pressure sometimes, you'll snap at the kid. I don't know many parents that turn around later to the kid and says, "Listen, you know, I'm very sorry. I had a a hard day today, and my boss is driving me crazy, or the bank account doesn't look so good, or whatever it is, and I'm a little bit stressed. I'm very sorry. I I I let it out on you. You shouldn't get my stress on you. I'm sorry. I want to apologize to you. Do you forgive me?" I don't know many parents that do that. So, this is a real working on your on your midot and avot. The point is 100% The kids are growing up messed up because they they the parents that's that's their their parents' punching bag. And some kids are weak, and they just absorb it. Some kids are stronger, they rebel. Some kids are just become numb. So, somebody sent me not too long ago a very interesting video online. It's like a cartoon. And you see a kid that probably looks like 3-year-old, 4-year-old, whatever. The kid goes to the father and like goes like this to the father says, "Hey, can you play ball with me?" And maybe I'm maybe I'm not saying it exactly, and I'll tell you the idea. Don't remember every little sentence there. But the father says, "No, no, no, I'm busy." He pushes him off. Then you see the kid a little bit bigger, and he pulls the father's uh uh sleeve, "Can you read with me?" And the father pushes, "No, no, no, I'm busy now. I'm busy now." And you see the father with a phone and a computer. And then you see the cartoon, and the kid grows and grows and grows, and every time the kid goes to the father and asks the father for some time. And the father shoo him off, I'm busy, I'm busy. Then you see the kid already a teenager. You see like the the cartoon is done nice, you know, this you see the teenager like with big air earphones and you know, the the clothes change and then the father goes to the teenager to ask him and you see the teenager goes like this like, leave me alone, I don't have time for you. And the father is like, you know, for 15 years I never had time to my kid. Now when I want to turn to my kid, he doesn't even give me a time of day. Yeah. So, you know, I really look at my entire encounters with my kids to my Avodat Hashem. It's very easy to shoo the kid off when you're really busy or stressed, but the right and the right way is like, wait a minute, I I my kid will come to me, doesn't matter what I'm doing, I will stop everything that I'm doing and give the kid the the utmost attention. Yes, how can I help you? Even if it's going to be the most ridiculous thing ever. And this is the kid really teaches you anava and patience and control and yirat yirat Hashem. So, this is the eved Hashem that he is look at he looks at everything in his life and he learns from that and derives from that how can I get a much become a much better person. Now it's our ego and our our arrogance and my self-centered emotions that pushes everything away and I don't understand that the Shema our Shem is governing the world that every encounter that I have even it can be with an animal, it can be with the with the weather, it doesn't matter. Shem is trying to show me something so I can analyze it quickly, not to sit there for half an hour. Analyze it quickly and apply to my Avodat Hashem. Yeah, 100%. Your wife is your is your mirror. So, all the midot that you you to work on, your wife is going to be the master of the one who's going to be the tuning the midot. If you have to work on patience, then your wife is going to be the one who's going to press all the buttons. Yeah, and if you have to work on anger, then your wife is going to be she's going to be driving you nuts. And if you have to work on Israel, you know, the real Israel is with your wife, by the way. The real Israel is between a man and wife. So, your wife is going to be designed perfectly to make sure that she's pressing on all the right buttons. If Israel can go Israel is your mirror and Israel, she's going to refine you. You know, the explains that most of the time the women don't get reincarnated. Women go into get home because a man that has a little bit of Torah can go into get home. He has to get reincarnated. The woman that didn't learn Torah, she can go into get home. She can go get cleansed in get home and then go back to get home. Many times the woman part of the soul will come down to the world to assist the man. Israel can go So, we have to thank our wives because I need to work on my midot. I need to work on refining my character. If you think that is getting impressed because you come three times a day to show he's happy. That's not what's impressing him. You think that we you sit here now for 4 hours and learning Torah, you're impressing him. He's looking down and says, "What are you talking about? I have mayor in shamayim. I have Akiva. I have Shimon. Your Torah is this big." You're impressing him when you're working on yourself. When you look yourself in the mirror and you say, "How am I becoming a better husband?" And not to say it's her fault. To say, "Well, where where where where can I become a much better man?" And was kind enough to me to put a woman in front of me that can tolerate my nonsense and and allow me to refine myself. It's only our ego that is saying it's her fault. She's driving me crazy. She's messy. She's noisy. She's the this and that. It's my ego. Yeah, 100%. So, a real ever the sham is looking around constantly. This is a ever the sham is a servant of a sham. Now, a sham doesn't need your favors. Sham is comfortably sitting up there. He doesn't need you to do him any favors. You're not doing him any favor by coming to show three times a day and learning Torah. Sham wants to you to refine yourself. That's why our sages say, we read that every day Sham wanted to give you a lot of merits. Therefore, he gave you a lot of Torah and a lot of mitzvahs. Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai says, don't say "lezzakot". Say "lezakekh". Sham wanted to refine you. To give you a lot of mitzvahs and a lot of work to do. [snorts] So, a real humble individual looks at every person that they have an encounter with him and says, "How that is that person refining me right now?" Most people look at the person in front of them and says, "What does this guy want from me now? Why is he bothering me? And how can I prove to the world that I'm better than that person?" That's the wrong attitude. So, Moshe Rabbeinu was the ultimate the ultimate midah ta'anuvah. Moshe Rabbeinu, why did he reach such a level? Because he was humble. Moshe Rabbeinu reached a level of prophecy that nobody ever reached. All the prophets, the greatest of all, Yeshayahu, Yirmiyahu, Yechezkel, the greatest prophets. All the prophecy was while they were sleeping. Moshe Rabbeinu would talk to a sham like as if like when he was up. So, Moshe Rebenu was able to reach to such a high level also to receive the Torah and to give it. There is there's a to some opinions, there is a machlokes, but most opinions say that Moshe Rebenu will be a greater greater prophet than Mashiach. And Mashiach will be greater in many other things. But Moshe Rebenu is coming with Mashiach by the way. Moshe Rebenu Mashiach is coming with one side Moshe Rebenu, one side Aaron the Cohen. Cuz Aaron going to have to teach all the Kohanim right away what to do. Moshe Rebenu is going to have to learn all the halachas to teach us the halacha. I mean, he's Rebenu. Mashiach is melech, he's the king. So, some most opinions say Moshe Rebenu will still be a greater prophet than the Mashiach. Some say no, he's not going to be greater than Mashiach will be the ultimate, but we're not going to argue right now. Let's let them come and then we'll see. I know you're all the time but some people say that Mashiach is Moshe. So, what you just said now, I'm very happy to hear. Moshe Rebenu is from Shevet Levi. Okay. And Mashiach is from Shevet Yehuda. Moshe Rebenu is not Melech Hamashiach. Moshe Rebenu is the first Mashiach. I need such of Moshe Rebenu is in in in our Mashiach. But how can he be even now in this parsha? Moshe knew he's not going to be Mashiach. You know, we're just now talking about the snake. You know that there was negotiation seven days of negotiating. First day, Moshe Rebenu says, "No, I'm not going. I don't want the job." Hashem tells him, "I want you to go and redeem my kids. Get my kids out of your Mitzrayim." Moshe Rebenu says, "I'm sorry. Please find somebody else. I don't want the job." Hashem is telling you, "Are you kidding? Are you joking? I'm making you now Moshe Rebenu, you don't want the job?" Moshe Rebenu says, "I don't want to go to Mitzrayim. Why would Paro believe me? Why would Paro listen to me?" Hashem says, "Don't worry. I'm going to I'm going to quench him. He'll listen to you." Next day, Moshe Rabbeinu again says, "I'm sorry." No, no, no. The next day he comes again. The the the snake appears to him. It doesn't say it in the script. The second day, Moshe Rabbeinu says, "I don't even know who you are." Says to Hashem, "I don't even know who you are. If you want me to be a salesman, I don't even know who you are." Hashem tells him, "Okay, I'll tell you who I am. I am Ehyeh Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh. Let me reveal to you." Reveals to him such a high level of godly revelation. Nobody ever reached to that level. Says, "No, sorry. No, no, no, no can do. I don't want the job." Comes the third day. He tells him, "I'm very sorry. The the Bnei Yisrael will not listen to me. Why would they listen to me?" Hashem says, "Are you talking lashon hara about my kids? Are you talking lashon hara about my kids? Put your hand in your jacket." He puts his hand, take it out, whoop, full of tzaraat. "Don't talk lashon hara about my kids." The fourth day he comes and says, "No, I sorry, I cannot do the job. I stutter." You know, Moshe Rabbeinu used to be a used to stutter. He would literally stutter? He would literally stutter because only when he spoke regular, when he spoke Torah, he wouldn't stutter. Because when he was young, you know the story, he went to Pharaoh, took his crown off his head, and the advisors there said he's going to be he's going to take your kingship king kingship, and anyway, the whole story, and then the the he took a coal coal coal from coal, and Malakh Gavriel came and pushed it into his mouth. He put it in his mouth, it burned his mouth. It's a whole story in the Midrash. Nevertheless, Moshe Rabbeinu was stuttering. So he says, "I can't do the job. I stutter." Every day there was a negotiation, and Hashem Moshe Rabbeinu says, "Leave me alone. What do you want? I'm retired. Didn't you see my todot zehut? I'm 80 years old. What do you want from me now? You're giving me a headache now. I had a whole life now suffering." So, you know, we're we're we think we we have a hard life. Wait a minute, Moshe Rabbeinu when he was 40 got a job. Nevertheless, Moshe Rabbeinu didn't want the job. And Moshe Rabbeinu reach First of all, he didn't want the job cuz he was enough. Me? I can do such a thing? Moshe Rabbeinu was able to reach to the highest level of prophecy because he was so humble. And he was so humble that he was able to receive the Torah. And and he had all the the the power to be arrogant. You know, with the machlokes with Korach, Korach comes and argues with him. And when you really analyze this story, Korach first of all, was a cousin. He was part of the family. It's not that it's some guy came from the street. Korach was a cousin. You know, Korach comes into Moshe and says, "Who made you king? Who made you the authority to give your brother to become the coin? You made yourself king. You're giving all the jobs here to everyone." You would think that Moshe Rabbeinu will react accordingly. Now again, more Korach was not some schmuck from the street. First of all, was a cousin. Second of all, Korach was like a a Bill Gates. He was a billionaire. He was the most richest individual in the generation then. Up until today in Israel, you say on a person that is rich, you say a shir kakorach. More than that, he was a talmid chacham. He was able to convince 200 heads of Sanhedrin of supreme courses of the time. Everybody was with Korach. I told you the story with the Aish Machmoasha that said that he was a gilgul at the time. That he says, "Everybody went to to Korach in the in this machlokes. Very everybody went with Moshe Rabbeinu." So, you would think that in this argument, Moshe Rabbeinu will get up to Korach and react, "What are you talking to? You know who I am? Be quiet. Go back to your place where you came out from. Yeah, I'm Moshe Rabbeinu. I'm the king of Israel. I took the Jews out of Mitzrayim. I went up on the mountain and got the Torah. How dare you even talk to me? Moshe Rabbeinu had all the authority to put him down and to make him this big. Moshe Rabbeinu, you know what the Torah says? Vayipol al avanav vayevk. He fell on his face and started crying. Saying, maybe I did something wrong. Oh my gosh, maybe Korach is right. Maybe I messed up. Moshe Rabbeinu was the most humble man in history. That's why he came to such a high level. So, when he says here, Asurah na ve'ereh, let me move back and and look. Asurah means let me look. Let me observe. Moshe Rabbeinu is coming and teaching us everything that happens to you, don't react. Take a step back. Asurah na, Asurah is I will move back. And ereh, let me observe. Observe what's going on here. So, one of the worst things is to act impulsively. [snorts] Didn't he say that [clears throat] Moshe didn't know that he wasn't going to be Mashiach? Yeah, Moshe Rabbeinu knew he's not going to be Mashiach. That's the thing. I'm sorry I I got distracted. When Moshe Rabbeinu was negotiating, so to say, Moshe Rabbeinu at the end, after 7 days of negotiation, Moshe Rabbeinu came with another two arguments. And he said, why don't you go to my brother? I have an older brother. It's not respectful that the younger brother gets the job. Go to my brother, Aaron. He's 3 years older than me. Go to him. So, Moshe as the Hashem says, no. No, I'm not accepting that. And then Moshe Rabbeinu says, go to Mashiach. Go There is going to be a Mashiach. Go to him. What do you want from me? I'm not Mashiach. So, Moshe knew he's not going to be Mashiach. I mean, Moshe wasn't stupid. Moshe says Mashiach is coming from the Shevet Yehuda. Yaakov just told us that last week. Moshe Rabbeinu read this parashat hashavua. And he says, "Wait, I just see that my grandfather Yaakov uh he gave the the the the Yehuda to be Moshiach is going to come out from Yehuda. I'm from Shevet Levi. Of course I'm not Moshiach." So he said to Hashem, "What do you want from me? Go to Moshiach. Let him deal with this headache." So Moshe Rabbeinu Hashem told Moshe, "Moshe, you're right, but you are the first Moshiach. You're going to start the Geulah. You're going to start paving the redemption. You're right, there's going to come somebody after that that's going to be Moshiach." Okay, I think what you're talking about is what it says in the Zohar say every generation there is a himshichyut, there's a continuation of a spark of Moshe Rabbeinu. Every generation there's a Moshe Rabbeinu of the generation. A certain spark that is being given from one generation to another. There's always going to be one Moshe Rabbeinu of the generation. That if that generation Moshiach should come, there's a candidate. He's there already. It doesn't mean it's actually Moshe Rabbeinu. I mean Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai is a reincarnation of Moshe Rabbeinu. Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai is also going to be with us in the Geulah. But the reincarnation is means a spark, a part of the soul jumps to another soul. And and and continues. Asura, how do you say it? Excuse me? Asura. Asura, no. Asura you can translate it as prohibited. Like a woman, she's asura. A married woman, she's considered prohibited for a man to touch her. This is asura. This is when you get engaged, the word for fiancee is arusa. Which is she's she's saved for this man. You ever been to a chuppah? You hear the rabbi saying "hamatirat asurot" untying the forbidden woman to be given to this man. Asura Asura Asura means to move back. is lasur lo yasur [clears throat] shevet miYisrael not to move back. Asura means to to move back. Asura na Let please let me go back for a second and observe. Ve'ereh Moshe Rabbeinu is teaching us Don't be impulsive. You know Reuven Sorry. You know Reuven lost his bekhora because he was impulsive. Last week when Yaakov was giving the everybody the the tokhekha giving them makot on their head What did he tell Reuven? You lost your became Say Yehuda took it. Yehuda is number four. And he became so to say the bekhor. Yaakov told him, "You lost your bekhora because you acted impulsively." To act impulsively is one of the biggest stumbling blocks one can one can have. You have to be very uh uh calculated. Very You know, don't don't don't react so fast. Anyways, let's continue a little bit. Maybe we'll just continue tomorrow. So would that Rabbi would that be the self-monitoring average? That would be Asura would be yourself. Let's think about it. Yeah. Let's think of self-monitoring average. Asura na when you step back This is your kheshbon nefesh. Now, I said I gave you a discount. I told you to do it once a day. At the Kriat Shema al Hamita. You want to do be do it the right way? Do it every hour. Do it every encounter. Somebody now says something to you. It's very easy to right away react. The right way is to Asura move back a little bit. Think. Worst case you don't react at all. It doesn't Not everything needs a reaction. And you know what? The reactions that comes impulsively are usually the destructive ones. And the reactions that come later are the right reactions. Don't have to react right away. Sometimes, you know, being quiet is also good. Let's say Let's say wrap it up here. Be that as it may, we'll continue tomorrow the next part of the ma'amar. But We're learning here some, you know, one of the most valuable valuable lessons in our in our life. How important it is to really look at every situation and not be impulsive in my reaction. And this is, you know, on a on a on a immediate level. But a real ever the sham, that's what he's saying here, that a a real servant of God observes everything that happens to him to throughout the day and makes an analogy right away. analysis So, we don't have Israel here to fix the to fix the grammar. Yeah, to me you want to make an analysis right away. That's a real ever the sham. Because right away you can apologize. And right away you can reverse the problem that you did. This is the highest level you can reach in the in the in the in the avodat teshuvah. Because if you don't do it right away, the next day you forgot already. You can forget from the morning till the night. How can you do teshuvah on something you don't remember? That's why on Yom Kippur we say when we do the al chet, we say for all the things that I just mentioned and the things that I forgot. Because how can you do This is the what the the what we pray on Yom Kippur. How can you do teshuvah? You can say something in the morning and the evening you totally forgot. Sometimes you leave your house in the morning and you say something to hurtful to your wife, to your kid. You forgot at the end of the day. You come home and your wife has a sour face. What's wrong, honey? You said something No, for a minute. She First she'll torture you for an hour. Nothing. Everything is fine. No, but you seem like you traveled. No. Everything is great. And then after a whole hour of negotiating, finally she was like, "Well, you said this and this and that in the morning." You're still holding it? You remember what I I've already forgot. Oh, I didn't forget, honey. I did not forget. So, you tend to forget things very fast. You, I mean, we. And we don't know how to do chuvah right away. Now, if a person is very very aware of every little action that happens, then they're constantly in the level of doing constant chuvah, so you can rectify right away your behavior. That's what he's saying here, that that Where was he saying that? Sorry. We'll just read it again. We're constantly going from one level to another. That you let me this to be very What's the word? Let me is that you diligent diligence not diligent uh diligent It's diligent. diligent You're very persistent. You You're doing it, you know, carefully. [snorts] And uh And not only that, you're doing it with a with truth, with a with a being very humble and innocent. Not uh It's in the Let me the How do you spell it? Uh lamed hey tav mem yud daled You can tell in words to say shalom. I can't remember all the things that I'm sorry every time I broke a law every negative Do you think that works? Or you don't that you don't remember exactly what you did? The persevere. Okay, lads. The meaning is to persevere, by the way. It's to persevere in your with that Hashem. To say to Hashem, uh please forgive me for everything I forgot. Of course it's valid. Because you can come when you're doing your chuvah and you say to Hashem, Hashem, listen. I'm 50. I'm 40. Think I remember what I did when I was 17. I don't remember what I did when I was 21. What So, tummy, tummy is continue. Exactly. So, You know, if like I forgot to do uh do it Yeah. The first the day before, is that worth the day before and then after that Well, you can't do it every day. So, that every day you'll pretend that you forgot things. And you say Hashem, whatever I forget, forgive me. Yeah. So, Hashem is going to tell you, what you suffering from amnesia? What do you mean whatever you forget? When you start your process of chuvah, then you can say, listen Hashem, for what happened in 20 years ago, I don't remember. But you can't come and say every day what I forgot yesterday. Hashem is going to say, well, are you kidding here? Wait, is that what it says in the paragraph? Pray that you actually whatever In in El Chait, that's what we're saying. For everything that I said, for everything that I forgot and didn't say. Even if you have a notepad, it doesn't matter. You're going to forget something. You're always going to forget. But the right way to do chuvah is to constantly say Hashem, Hashem, remind me what [clears throat] I need to do chuvah on. And I told you once, the Zohar says that if you really want to do the right chuvah, and you don't know where you failed 20 years ago. So, Rabbi Shimon gives the advice that if you stay up all night and you learn Torah. You're not staying up all night to watch movies. You stay up all night and you learn Torah the entire night. And in the morning, you can pray to Hashem really from your heart and say Hashem, please help me do chuvah for the things I don't know that I forgot. And this is a very powerful thing that that I can swear that I did that and testify that it works. And and I would stay up nights up and learn Torah and in the morning when I would pray because it says a person that is up all night learning Torah a string of Hesed is is put on him the entire day. A person that is up all night a string of Hesed string of Hesed is like put on on him and I would pray in the morning I know I I I owe a lot of people money. I know I stole from people money. I know I hurt a lot of people. Help me do Teshuvah. People will just appear into my life. Out of nowhere and I would suddenly remember oh my gosh I owe that person money. Oh my gosh I did that. And for years that's how I did my Teshuvah. You want to do Teshuvah the right way this is the problem with a with a lot of people that become observant. The Yeshivot that they go to don't teach you that. Teshuvah is not just to put a Yarmulke on your head and put a a Tzitzit and you look forward that's great. But what about back? You have to start covering all the holes that you dug for the last 20 30 years. And you have to do that. And the only way of doing it is you need a lot of Siyata Dishmaya a lot of assistance from Hashem to allow you to remember all the things that you did and constantly to have in my mind what I don't remember I'm going to give extra for the things I don't remember. So I told you that I used to be very crooked in business before I became observant. I came to a point that I was like I don't even know who I stole money from. And we're talking here millions and millions of dollars. How am I going to ever repay them? I'll never even find them cuz I don't even know who they are. So the Rabbi that I went to at the time he told me listen do you want to fix that? Then feed a lot of people on Shabbat. Constantly feed people on Shabbat. So for years, in the beginning when I became observing I had a business, I used to support three shuls for their Shabbat meals. And I wouldn't just give them a check. I bought the food and I came to the shul with the food so I can carry also the food and sweat with carrying the food. Nobody knew it was me. One of them was the shul where I used to pray and the other two shuls, nobody knew who's bringing the food. And I would hear all the comments, you know, the nice comments. Baruch Hashem, Hashem bless the person who brought us this beautiful salmon. And I would be like, "Baruch Hashem, Hashem, just just just take all this junk away. Just pay all my debts." And I would hear comments of people. And up until today, you see we're feeding people on Shabbat because I don't know how all much money I owe. And I owe to Hashem for the ones I don't remember. I'm giving now extra. I'm giving a lot of extra for maybe I forgot one one little crumb somewhere from 20 years ago. Don't remind me that after 120 years when I come to Shamayim and you take out all the books and tell me, "Oh, by the way, you missed one here." So, teshuvah is looking back, looking forward of course, but you have to cover all the junk in the back. And I'm just giving an example with money. What about the people you hurt? I wasn't such a nice guy. I was like a bully. You know how many people I probably punched in their face? How many people I cursed? How many people I insulted in public? How many people I humiliated? How many people I made fun of? [snorts] You don't you think it's not going to come back to you at some point? So, that's the ignorance of people when they do teshuvah, they don't understand. Wait a minute, I did some bad things 50 years ago. That might be knocking on my door one day. Hello, remember me? You insulted me in public 50 years ago. I still remember that. And my when my wife made teshuvah, she she used to hunt people down and she called a girl she found a girl that she used to make fun of her in third or fourth grade. My wife used to make fun of her. And she called the girl. She found her. And she called her and told her, "Do you remember me? I wanted to apologize to you." And the girl says, "I remember you? I hated you. You made my life miserable. But I forgive you now." My wife called people, found them. And she My wife said, "I remember I remember being mean to her." And my wife, 30 years later, calls her and tells her, "I I want to apologize. I mean, I don't have an explanation why I did that. We were 9 years old, but I was still want to apologize." That's the real teshuvah. Now, this is far away. Uh far away, that's a long work to do. But at least start with a with today. So, Hashem, listen. Hashem is very open and accepting all the teshuvah. Just be genuine. You have to be genuine and come up to Hashem. Say, "Hashem, I want to do teshuvah. Help me. I already figured it out. I understood what I did, what I didn't do. Help me do teshuvah here." And just me, Hashem has all the ways in the way he has records of all He has archives of everything. Think if it's a problem for Hashem to pull out from an archive something you did. So, I'm telling you, I used to do that. People would just show up in in my in my face. People that I took money from, people that I stole from, people that I I used to be I used to bully some guy when I was in a high school, and suddenly I saw him in the middle of New York. I bump into him in the street. What are the odds? 11 million people, and I'm bumping into this guy on the street. And you have to seize the opportunity. He didn't even recognize me looking like this. I told him, "You remember me?" "No." I told him, "Come on. You don't remember me?" And then when I told him then I reminded him, he's like He's like he's like he saw a ghost. And I was like, "You know, I really want to apologize for everything that I did to you, if there was anything. Anything that I can do for the sorrow that I caused you." He started laughing. He didn't He couldn't even believe. And I told him, "You know what? Even if accept or not, I'm going to read a whole book of Tehillim for you. I'm going to sit and read a whole book of Tehillim so you have some type of a compensation at some point." He didn't know he thought I'm nuts. But I don't care. And I said read a whole book of Tehillim. And one day he's going to come up to Shamayim, they're going to come to him and tell him that this is from a Londoner. For all the times that he's made jokes of you, here he gave you a book of Tehillim. That's probably worth 500 trillion dollars in Shamayim. You know, maybe that's going to be what's going to save him one day. Maybe one day he's going to be tilting on a scale and Malach Hamavet already taking him to Gehinnom, they'll be like, "Whoa, wait a minute. One time Mr. Anaver Anava read a book of Tehillim. Here that's yours." See, you never know how things work. The point is the teshuvah has to be real. That's why he says here, "Be'emet." Be'emet can be translated as really. Be'emet. And it can also be be read as be be'emet with emet. Now, avodat Hashem can only be be done with emet. You can emit le'Yaakov. It's all about emet. That's why Hashem cannot stand liars. Hashem despises liars. He doesn't care how much Torah you know. He doesn't care how black your suit is. He doesn't care how nice your hat and how much Torah you have in your how much mitzvot if you're the first one open the show. He doesn't care if you lie. If you lie, everything is like nothing in the eyes of Hashem. Hashem cannot stand liars. Hashem is the ultimate It's all about emet. That's why Moshe Rabbeinu when the kid the story with Korach, when their sons fell down and did teshuvah, what did they scream? Moshe emet. Moshe is the emet. That is the emet. And how they say in the courts in America, the truth and nothing but the truth. There's no 99% emet. There's only emet or not. Some people say, "I'm He's 90% truthful." No, he's not. If he's 10% lying, then he's a liar. He's not truthful. You either are 100% or not in in when it comes to truth or lying. So, it's all about a myth. And you start within sight. I told you this 50 million times my story how I told my wife I'm going to stop lying. And I told her I lie to people I lie to a shepherd I lie to myself. When you lie to yourself, who do you think you're kidding? You're kidding yourself. So, the I would have to shame has to be be a myth like he says here. Who would have to mean? To mean is innocence. There's no no agenda here. No no looking to to to be tricky. To mean if you remember yesterday we translated a person that's not looking to to cheat. That's to mean honest. No no No stick here. No monkey business. What is absolute truth? Excuse me? What is absolute truth? I don't know what what is absolute truth. But that the truth is that you you don't distort the truth. That you don't make a new reality. I'm not saying it's easy. It's very hard. When I decided that when I took on myself to stop lying, it's not easy because you when you really I bought a notebook like this like what nothing has here this little one that cost a shaker. And I would write my lies. And every time that I would lie, I would write down the lie and the hour. And comes came to Ashmal Midah and I would sit with this notebook and read the lies and see how many lies I say and what what nonsense. And I was like, "Okay, this has to stop. This has to stop. Every word that comes out of my mouth has to be a myth. Do you really think that your to feel out will be accepted by Shamayim in Shamayim when the same mouth lies? And the same mouth curses and the same mouth slanders? How would you feel I go up to Shamayim? Then people say, "I prayed. Hashem didn't listen to me." Well, there's something you didn't listen to you. The words were so heavy because of the junk that comes out of your mouth. The words didn't even go up to to the next level. The way it works is when you pray, your words from the prayer goes up to a baydin, to a court. And they analyze your prayer, and they decide if the words will continue to the next level. So, they filter 90% of the words. They say, "These 90%, these cannot go up." So, 10% go to the next baydin above it. They filter that. Whatever stays from that, that goes to the next baydin and to the next baydin till it comes up to shamayim. Kisei hakavod to the chair of glory. Then maybe 1% of your prayer maybe got it up there. Because the words are too heavy with lying and cheating and and cursing. So, how do you expect, not you, I'm saying, how does a person expect that his two will come up to shamayim when the minute before that that same mouth lied? Hashem says, "What are you using the the It's you're using the tool that I gave you to praise me to go against what I'm telling you? I mean, that's why a person that zips his mouth What does the Ramban say? Zip it. You know, just don't know if the the mouth is the most deadliest weapon. The Talmud says, "A moment of the tongue." Life and death is in the hands of the of the tongue. Rabbi Elazar says, "All my life I have grown around chachamim." Chachamim is like uh not a genius in mathematics. Chachamim is the great sages. And I only the best that I best thing that I found for the body is silence. Just That's it. My my monitor your words. So, a smart person doesn't talk much. That's when when it comes now to to the teachings of Kabbalah, everybody wants to learn Kabbalah, and everybody thinks that they're learning Kabbalah. They don't understand that the ones that really know Kabbalah they don't talk. The ones who don't know anything, these are the ones who talk. So, it's very easy to throw big terms in Shamayim. Go to a real Mekubal, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know anything. Cuz one The one who really knows will not say anything. Nevertheless, the met is that you follow the Torah 100% and you don't move right or left and you every action, every thought, every word, you analyze it right away and says, "Is that Is that the truth? Is that really the truth?" And I'm not telling you it's easy. It's one of the hardest things to be a a man of truth, a ish emet. I'm telling you I had this notebook and I found so many lies every day. And just to write the lie, you have to be truthful. Because because the the midat hasheker will come and say, "No, it wasn't really like that. It was No, write it exactly how it is, emet." Now, when you put it down in writing, you actually read the lie. You're like, "Oh my gosh, how pathetic it is. How ridiculous is how what I said." That's when you really see, "My gosh, I'm a liar." This is disgraceful. And and I told you that so many times in my personal experience, if I have to summarize the whole thing, what is one thing you can take from it? It's just truth, just emet. The whole feeling that was negative in Shamayim, that felt like torture, is that I was a liar. And I did wasn't accepted in the heavenly realm because in Shamayim there's not such a thing as a lie even. Here in this world we mentioned that Rabbi Nachman says ain ye'ush ba'olam. Hashem didn't even create ye'ush. In shamayim, there's no such a thing as a lie. It's called the olam ha'emet. This Hashem, when he created the concept of lie, it says in this world, alma d'shikra. This is the world of the world of lie. In the world above, there's no such a thing even. So, how are you going to exist in the world above if you are a liar? Needless to say that the shame that this feeling that in shamayim they're looking at you, you lied. You distorted the truth. The word of Hashem you distorted. That's how they you looked upon from shamayim when you lied. Shamayim they look down and they're saying Hashem has decided the world would look like this and you you distorted it. So, this this this is the one of the worst things one can do. It's one of the 10 commandments. Lo sa'ideh ed sheker b're'echa. It's this is one of the commandments. You're not allowed to lie. Okay, so the the shot says don't don't testify a false testi- testimony. It's basically saying, in other words, don't lie. So, the point to take from that we're totally sidetracked, but for a very good place, because you know, Moshe Rabbenu is my example. You see that many of our sages or many of our forefathers and tzaddikim got a title. Avraham Avinu, Yosef HaTzaddik, Shmuel HaNavi, David HaMelech. Everybody got titles. Not everybody, but a lot got titles. Look at the title of the person and see what he's about. And Moshe got a title, Rabbenu. Rabbenu means our teacher. Now, today you walk in the street with a beard, everybody screams to you, "Rabbenu!" So, this is not the Rabbenu. There's only one Rabbenu. It's only Moshe. Moshe is our teacher. Look at Moshe Rabbenu. That's how the Torah has to be. Humble, quiet. Emet. Moshe is emet. The sons of Korach screamed, "Moshe emet v'toraso emet." The Torah is emet. Apply that in your life, you'll reach to very high levels in your spiritual avodas Hashem. It's to apply the midas emet. Not saying it's easy. I'm just saying that's what one needs to strive for. To be 100% humble, midas anavah, and 100% emet, truthful, you'll see your life is a different life. That's why I fall asleep within a fraction of a second. I told you that so many times. My wife always complains, "How do you fall asleep so fast?" You don't even put your head down and you're already She's like, "It takes me half an hour to toss, turn this direction, that direction. I flip sides." She was like, "I've never seen anything like it." And I always tell her the same thing. Well, first of all, I only have 2 hours to sleep, but 3 hours is and every minute here is valuable. But more than that, I have no no worried about anything cuz I don't lie. When you lie, your conscious doesn't put you at ease because you're a liar. Not you, I'm not tell to pointing at anybody. I'm saying you, I'm saying somebody. When a person lies, his conscious is bothering him constantly. You're a liar. You're a liar. You're not at You're not at ease. So, you feel some type of anxiety. But most people they have suffering from anxieties. Some it's a little bit, some it's a lot because the soul is like it's not comfortable in its own body. When the person is truthful, I don't worry. I don't owe anybody anything. I didn't do anything to anybody. I'm truthful. I I make my teshuvah right away. And so, when it comes to sleep, I don't think of my mind is not thinking, "Oh my gosh, what did I tell that person? I cheated that person. I lied here. I did this. I'm not behaving nice here." So, trust me, you sleep much better when you truthful. Hashem We'll continue the moment tomorrow even though we touch the most important thing is don't be impulsive. Asura No, let me move and see and observe and then I will I will look and will see what's going on. [snorts] The Torah is telling us a story but in the story there's all these powerful teachings. It's not just a story about Moshe Rabbeinu walking walking in the mountain looking at a bush. I mean we started by saying that it's the yetzer hara that pretends I mean we totally got off the little bit of the subject but don't forget that the beginning there we're talking about that the yetzer hara shows to you himself like a burning bush excited to do mitzvot and the yetzer hara convinces you go and pray go become a good ever the sham and he fools you. Sometimes for a half a year or year I once I remember when I became observant he got me I was like maybe three or four years observant and I had a period that I felt like I'm like a tzaddik. I didn't even once I didn't even sin in anything. I was like a machine gun you know I don't not even I literally felt that I'm like becoming I was like wow okay conquered my teshuvah. There was no one thing thing that I sinned in. And uh you know he got me completely off guard. The yetzer hara was feeding me and feeding me and feeding me I thought I'm so high and then without even noticing you know slashed me in half. I attacked me I was so off guard that he got me everywhere. And within couple of weeks I was like I was from here I went here. I couldn't believe how he fooled me the yetzer hara. he literally made me feel like here that you became a tzaddik and that's it. You conquered everything. And then we know when you're not when you off guard, that's when he you know when the when we were kids we used to put in other kids bike stick in the wheel and then they they went flying. So that's a part of the teshuvah that we had to do. So this is a you know in Hebrew it's a term that means you put a stick between the the hoops and you know and then crash. The yetzer hara knows how to put the stick in. We don't even notice. He puts the stick in it and you fall. We just have to be aware but you know what? It always connected when you know to back off and to be aware of what's going on and to observe observe the situation, it also doesn't let the yetzer hara grow too much because you know constantly to to put him down because every day I'm not telling you it's healthy to be better hard on yourself but you need to have be firm with yourself. You need to have a little bit of tochacha every day. That's why three times a day we say ashamnu bagadnu gazalnu. You think I needed to apologize to Hashem? I'm saying ashamnu bagadnu gazalnu to remind me how bad I am so I can put myself in the right right perspective to say don't don't get a big head now. So what if you learn Torah now for 4 hours? I have to put myself in the right perspective. I have to constantly give myself tochacha because approving because if I don't do it to myself, Hashem will send somebody to do it to me. So better to take it on yourself and to constantly keep yourself in a level that I'm okay, I'm not that great. Besides the fact that we the most the more you great you think you are, that's how we see in the observing world that unfortunately half of our leaders are so arrogant and so you know out of control ego is so out of control because the Torah knows very quickly to like flames to take you out the yetzer hara knows to make people feel very great. And when a person is doesn't work on that midas of anava they yeah they might be a genius in the Torah. That's what I said the other day when we were learning that the Shiva today they know how to to produce genius arrogance. So because they're so genius in the Torah the arrogance and the ego is out of control. It's very hard to find a gadol in the Torah genius in the Torah or a great rabbi that is uh doesn't think of himself that he's you know the the God's gift to the world. That's the problem. The yetzer hara knows how to destroy the situation get you in his in his trap. That's why we we have to be the same way. We're not we have to constantly know that just be just be humble. I always tell myself in the morning you're not that great. Don't think you're great. Told you the I had a uh there was a rabbi in New York and uh he was known to be the match maker. Probably did hundreds if not thousands of shidduchim. And he everybody liked him he was an older guy like a grandpa type long white beard and and everybody loved him. And he used to prepare the couples before they went out on a date. So he would take them separately of course right before the first date and stand in front of a mirror hold them you know caress them put their hand on them you know of course not on the girls but stand in front of the mirror and said look at yourself. You know be ready for the date yes. Now look very good at yourself at the mirror and just tell yourself you're not that great. You're not that great. Before you go to the date don't come to the date that you are like a Wonder Woman or Superman. You're not that great. It's good to tell to yourself couple times a day, you're not that great. So, the ego constantly going to tell you how amazing you are. You have to tell, "No, I'm I'm I'm okay." You don't have to make a shmata out of yourself, but not to think, not to let the the success go up to your head in any type of way. Hashem should merit to just practice the midah of emes, to be an she emes, to be humble, to have the midah of anavah. This is really how we get the the the right to become the right eved Hashem. Needless to say, if we learn a little bit from Moshe Rabbeinu, maybe we can convince the Kadosh Baruch Hu that we should get the the last redeemer. Should we see Mashiach with our own eyes very soon. [music]