Parashat Kedoshim - How can I love you? - Rabbi Alon Anava

[Music] this week we have again the pleasure of reading two parot so like last week usually the class that we do is only one time a week on a Sunday last week we did the same thing since we have two par and I don't want to miss one Paras a class of one Paras and today we're doing another class on Sunday we did the of what's called and today we're going to learn about the par that's called Kim now Kim is one of the most powerful par in the Torah that Rashi says that the foundation for the entire Torah is in this Paras and in this Paras we learn about a certain Mitzvah that it's very very famous Mitzvah we mention it all the time but we don't know how to do it and in this par we read a very special verse that it says you should love your fellow person like yourself very famous in the Tor Raba explains it there is a this is a big foundation of the Torah and constantly we're talking about loving another person but really how can you how do you expect me to do it to love another person how can the Torah expect me to control my love and since this is the topic we want to talk about so the appropriate way to start with is with a funny joke that I heard not too long ago that there was a young girl she was going on a date with a man before getting ready to get to get married and she went out with the person a few weeks and a month and two months after two months her mother tells her no why why what's going on why aren't you he wants to marry you why don't you want to get married with him she tells him listen you know what I don't love him it's very hard for me to love him he's nice he's polite he's he has money he's he looks good but I I just can't love him and the mother says why don't you love him so she tells her because he doesn't believe in Gom he doesn't believe in the world to come and I can't love a person that doesn't believe in the world to come and especially in Gom so the mother tells her don't worry get married with him after two months that he's married with you not only that he will believe this a Gom he's going to know there's a gome so the mother is a very maybe somebody can open the door because Amy is stuck somebody close the door uh it's not a joke unfortunately it's not a joke unfortunately it's not a joke the point of the joke is to make is how can I really build my love can I love somebody how is the Torah commanding me to love something the Torah tells me you should love your fellow person like yourself so the Torah is telling me I should invent love now I should come up somehow and create love and how is that possible how can I develop love for somebody and especially when that somebody hurts me or does something bad to me that's is even harder to develop the love to Somebody That I Want to Love that's one thing but to develop a Love or to practice or to love somebody that actually hurts me or did something wrong to me how do I do that and why the Torah is actually expecting me to do s such a thing how you can command Somebody to Love I mean what I can't control my heart if I love I love if I don't have I don't so first of all our sages teach us that you can control love love can be controlled why because it comes from the heart and we know that our mind can control our heart so in essence we can control it but we want to know how and mainly how does the Torah expect me to do it must be if the Torah tells me to do something must be a way how I can do that because the Torah is not going to come and ask me to do something without the possibility of be able to do it and without giving me a tool so the Torah basically says if you want to love something you will love it it's all about what you have in your mind if you do a certain block then you're not going to love that thing or the person but really how is the Torah expecting us to do such a thing we're very simple people I mean some people are great people like we know Le from bich there was a great great sadik few hundred years ago and he was known to be such a person that you could spit in his face and he would still love you there's a famous story that at the time when he was alive there was a lot of problems between two groups of people between theim and the ones who were against theid and there was a lot of problems there was violence there was all sorts of issues going on to a point that every place that he went he was physically attacked he was thrown out of U the Sho where he was there was all sorts of problems going on that literally at some point it became very Danger dangerous and at some point he was literally threatened that if he comes back to this place they're going to beat him to death so of course he left and then came a few of his students and they they did not like that they were like we don't like that these individuals are threatening our our Rabbi and they were like okay we we want to hurt the people that that threaten our rabbi and then they went to get a blessing from him went to him to tell him we want a blessing that you will give us a blessing that we can hurt the the people who hurt you so before they were even able to do such a thing he was already praying to Hashem please I don't want anybody that is going to get hurt because of me so we also say that in the the before we say that we're asking to please I don't want anybody Toom get hurt because of me so very few people are in the level of Le that somebody can do something bad to him and he prays to hm please make sure that the person doesn't get harm somebody will do something bad to me I would will all my intentions are going to pray that the ceiling is going to collapse on his head that's usually the nature of of somebody something will do something bad to me every time that I'm going to be next to a grave of a sadic I'm going to be mentioning his name maybe some disease should hit him that's the reality the sad reality something somebody does something bad to me then I I it's very hard for me not to get upset and the Torah comes and tells me listen I know who you are I know who you are therefore the verse in our it says this is what the tor says don't have hate towards your brother in your heart what does it mean in your heart that you don't that they don't know about it now it doesn't mean that you can hate somebody out loud but usually you can hate somebody and you're not going to say anything about it you'll still put a smile on your face you'll still pretend everything is okay but regardless the Torah says don't don't don't hate another person now what is it referring to it's referring to that you now come to a certain individual and you tell that individual listen I need your help for something and he tells you I don't want to just tells you straight out or gives you some excuse now you have a reason to hate that person well I'm asking for your help you can't help me so what will be developed right after that that you hate that person why couldn't he help me so when the toah says don't hate your brother is first of all don't hate for any reason you should not have hate to another person person but it's giving a few scenarios and what happens if now you come and you you have a guest a lot of guests in your house and you notice that you ran out of desserts you run to your neighbor you tell your neighbor listen I have a whole house full of guests do you have maybe some dessert that I can offer to the guests and he tells you no I don't have anything happens to be that you peek a little bit in the house you see a beautiful watermelon on the table and you're like I have a lot you're helping me out no I don't have anything so right away you will develop anger against that person and this is one example I'm just throwing one example you can use your imagination so first of all the Torah tells me don't hate your brother first of all don't hate him he has a reason now what does the Torah tell me after that now you have to prove him you have to tell him that you have to tell him listen it wasn't nice it wasn't okay whatever it is but later on the Torah says look don't have revenge and revenge there's two ways of revenging L lto lincom is to Revenge that next time he comes to me oh now I'm going to show you next time last time you didn't help me wait the time that you're going to need my help I'm going to throw it straight to the face I'm going to tell you remember when you didn't help me then H now I'm going to now I'm not going to help you this is called to have Revenge so the Torah says don't don't have Revenge then there's another thing that the Torah tells me not to do is l means that I'm assuming with the example that I gave you a month later that person comes and tells you I'm stuck I need something to give to my guest to revenge is to say I don't have anything you didn't give me I'm not giving you this is the Revenge lto means that you give him and you saying see I'm not like you when I asked you to help you didn't help I'm not like you I'm helping you this is called lto you're not allow to do that you're not allowed to remind the person you know that when I asked your help you didn't help me I'm helping you I'm a mench and you're not so and you're not allowed to do that to prove him wrong by saying if your nature or your or you really don't want to give him but you say I'm going to give him just to show him how he was wrong this is called lto I don't know the word in English but we're not allowed to do that now the the tah says first first don't develop hate then don't revenge and then the Torah says this is in our so the Torah is coming and telling me somebody's going to come and annoy you and then you are requested not to hate that person then you're requested not to Revenge and to top all that you have to love him you should love that person now how do you expect me to do such a thing now if you're asking me to love my father or my mother or my best friend okay I'll somehow develop love to a person but the Torah is coming and telling me you want me to love somebody that I can't stand that does something bad to me how can I love that person so if you notice some of you are praying from the that comes from the of theal but if you notice when we go down here to the cemetery to the grave of the Aral I don't know how often you go there if you notice next to his grave there a very big plaque that says all sorts of things about him and it says in big letters if you didn't notice that next time you go down to the Grave here of the you'll notice that that's what it says if you d by the the first thing you say when you open the is the same verse here I'm accepting on myself a positive of I should love another person like myself this is a positive Mitzvah from the Torah and this is what says if I want to be successful in anything I have to love another person like I love myself but even though it's not in the same period of time comes the rambam my Mones and he contradicts he says I don't agree with that even though rambam is a few hundred years before him but ra says no is an exaggeration how can you really love somebody like you love yourself come on let's be but let's put the the reality on the table you cannot love somebody like you love yourself that's the reality this is an exaggerated way the Torah is exaggerating here but the says no it's not exaggerating this is the foundation the basics of everything that you have to love another person exactly like you have to love yourself now we see in many different places this is not only in our Paras that we are requested to love there are many places in the Torah it spread all over the Torah the request the Commandment from the Torah to love somebody you know what's the famous one this is said in we say it every day we say twice a day we are commanded by the Torah to love hasem how am I command were you commanding me to love you what kind of a commandment is that and this is the most famous Commandments that I'm commanding to love somebody this is we repeat it every day we also find in the par called that the that it says when you go out for war that you you have to control your heart you you can't have fear when you go out to war again the Commandment of controlling my heart how can I do such a thing and now in our that says basically the is telling me in other words I have to develop love how can I control my emotions everybody you will ask them they will tell you can control your emotions if you're sad you're sad you're happy you're happy how can I control my emotions one might argue and say no I'm very sorry you can't the Torah comes and tells you no you can it can control your emotions your love your hate it's in your heart you can control it now we're reading this special parha this special is called kosim kosim comes from the word holy the Torah says that we should be holy because I'm Holy hasm says I want you to be holy because I'm holy now this parasa is a very special Paras first of all it has in this Paras 50 mitv which we now in the time of counting the OM we spoke about it last week that in the Torah it says that you have to count 50 days really we're counting 49 days but and we we talked about it last last week I don't want to repeat it that the Torah commands me you have to count 50 days why am i counting only 49 the short explanation is is I have to count I have to initiate the first 49 the 50th that's already hasem does gives that to me there is a a certain power in the in the number 50 that that that and when they're in MIT they went down to 49 Gates of impurity so in this Paras we see that there's 50 mitv and most most of our sages they say that this Paras is literally the foundation of the entire Tor all the foundations of how we have to behave and conduct ourselves are in this parasa and one of them is of course now how did the system work in the time of the mishkan MOS would get the information from the kadh and then he had to give it over if you notice and we mentioned that a few times in couple last classes that it always says eloshe that hasem spoke to Moshe to give it over very few times we're going to find that it doesn't say the word it says we find that more when talks toon doesn't have the word le means to to say to give it over so how did the whole system work we know that mosu had to say everything four times how did it work mosu would go into the oil to the tent Hashem would tell him the tell him the Mitzvah Moshe will go out and the first one he would call Aon Aon aen and he would tell him listen don't ask Hashem just called me and we have another Mitzvah and this is the Mitzvah and he would tell it to after Aron aen he would call the two sons of Aon aen and that's elazar andar sorry and he would tell it to them after that he would call the 7 elderly people who were considered the sikim the the sages of the generation and after that he would tell it to the entire CL is four times he would repeat the all this was always the same besides one time this Paras this Paras was said in the in the concept of What's called the yakel everybody was together and all the 50 mitv that mosu said that we're reading in this par was said in what's called M that everybody was together it didn't it wasn't four times one time for the entire nation and why because theem wanted that everything that has to do in this Paras will signify that everybody has to hear it together when it's talking about it has to do with everybody when other mitv were said that first it was to Aron then to the sons then to the shim to the elderly then to the nation why because not all the Mitzvah have to do with me if you know that in the 613 mitv a huge portion of it is only for Kim a very huge portion of the 613 MIT has nothing to do with me I'm not a Coen it's only for only for so I don't need to hear it has nothing to do with me and some mitv are for men some mitv are for women some mitv are are for certain individuals I don't need to hear all them has nothing to do with me but when it comes to everybody is obligated in that so all the that we read in the reason why it didn't have the four stages because it has to do with everybody everybody's obligated in it therefore everybody was gathered together everybody had to hear it so nobody will think oh I'm I'm not obligated with that's only for the righteous people I'm I'm a simple person I don't need to like everybody now this starts to you you should be holy because I am Holy basically hasm is telling me you have to be holy because I'm holy what does it mean to be kadosh to be holy kadosh in Hebrew means par that I'm separated I'm segregated I'm not part of what everybody is doing when you see a certain individual and he's saying this is a holy man nobody has a long beard I know bikers in in in America that they have a long beard like me they're not holy people sometimes see me and I travel people look at me and they're like oh you you look like a holy man I'm like okay that's what you say I know people that look like me and they're not so holy so the beard doesn't make a man holy but sometimes you look at a certain individual and you say wow this looks like a very holy man why is that man or woman will be considered holy because they segregate themselves from things that what everybody do and when you segregate yourself from what most people do then you make yourself holy kadosh is the word holy in Hebrew now one might think that kadosh is a person that all all day long I don't know does all sorts of spiritual things and does all sorts of rituals and makes him very holy kadosh is a person the Torah says par par means that he segregates himself people sit together and say I'm sorry I don't want to do anything with it I I separate myself everybody tends to exaggerate what is called to lie I don't want to lie I don't want you're lying I'm sorry has nothing to do with me as long as you separate yourself from what most people tend to do then you make yourself holy you separate yourself from things that are not desired and unwanted this is kadosh now how is hasem expecting us to be holy you holy I understand me I'm not holy but don't don't ask me to be holy more than that you're asking me to have love for another person how do you expect me to have such a thing now where do we see see that somebody was all about who's the sage said that is the famous RAB says so everything happens in a very precise way and we always read in the time of the OM many people ask why in the OM we don't cut our hair we don't listen to music men that trim their beards they don't trim their beards all sorts of rules of of that we do in the OM so these rules that we do in the OM are rules of what's called aute when somebody is mourning a death of somebody this called EV so who are we mourning then are we mourning 24,000 students of Rabbi AKA that died in that period was a plague now some opinions say that the plague was from the second day after PES and it weigh all the way up until sh some opinions say no it stopped in L that's why fares they keep the rules of the OM till L and after that they get married they start listening to music they take haircuts because they hold by the opinion that the plague stopped in L the ashkenazim they go all the way to the end they say no the plague went all the way till the sh do we know when it ended excuse me we know when it ended there's two opinions one opinion says that it ended on one opinion says that it ended in shabat that it went between PES and shabat we don't really we don't really know but like I said theis they go by the opinion that the plague ended inim they go by the opinion that it ended in sh but the reason why we follow all these rules and we don't listen to music we don't cut our hair we don't do parties we don't do engagement parties we don't do weddings all these rules why because we mning the 24,000 students now one might say listen you know how many people died in the last 3,000 years I don't mourn them and I don't think they're less as important on the seventh day of V that's the day mosu died do I do an ever do I do a yite I don't do anything maybe I'll go to a lecture and when the and many other sages that they die I do a a mour when they when they I sit Shiva for them I don't why D these 24,000 I sit sh so to say for for the entire time of the OM first of all R AKA who's RAB AKA RAB AKA was a very simple person he was a child of converts he was a very simple down to earth not learned he didn't even know how to read and at the time the most wealthiest person in the generation he worked for him his name was kalbas and RAB AKA was one of the workers he used to clean the Stables clean the the dirt and this wealthy person had a daughter her name was Rael and she couldn't find a good sh and one time she looked at rabi AKA and she was like that's the one I want to marry she she of course had a very a good eye and she was able to see the potential in such a great man she didn't see the dirt or the fact that he didn't know how to read and she comes to her father and she says I found a husband tells her you did who she tells him AKA he tells her the guy who cleans the dirt of the horses and the donkeys in the Stables you're not marrying him she says yeah that's the one I want to marry so he says okay you can marry him but you're out of the loop I'm I'm kicking you out and that's what happened she married him and the father threw her out and they were so poor they would live in a tent in the street but she really saw the potential in in the great man and when he was 40 he started learning to read not learning Torah he started learning to read he used to go to the Yesa with little kids and they all make fun of him but later on he became one of the most biggest pillars in Jewish history Rabbi AA to a point that he became up until today he known to be literally one of the pillars in the oral Torah now he had many students and at some point they all died from a plague and the story says that they died because they didn't treat each other with respect and you would think that such great sages would have the minimum of knowledge to treat each other with respect that's what the rebi the rabbi taught the the whole Torah is depending on this part so since they were not able to treat each other with respect of course there a big question how did they not do there are many different opinions how they failed why they failed and and the point to take from that is that even such great individuals that they say that even the biggest in generation is nothing compared to the of Raba you have to understand that the ones who stayed and didn't die are r shimai r May rosi these are like giants these are the students that stayed that were not killed by the plague but we know that the students of Rabbi K were giants how can they fail in such a thing this comes to teach us that even Giants in the Torah can fail in and the reason why they didn't practice not because they didn't accept each other because they didn't know how to to to tell to each other how great they are I didn't really find a good word in English in Hebrew it's called Leen Leen is that I come and I tell you you know you're very good at something I mean in English you might say say encourage compliment compliment is another word another word is to embolden is when I come to say to somebody I mention how good they are and this is called in Hebrew and one thing that the students of Raba did not do is that is to come to say to another person you you're very good in what you do you're very successful here is to see good in somebody else and this is something that we lack and this is something that the students of Raba didn't have they were not able to come to Le to each other and it's a compliment is one way but it's not really Leen I really didn't find the right word in English but compliment is a good way but again it means that somebody does something good they succeeded and you come and acknowledge it and you tell them and you're really happy for that person for for succeeding in what they did validate to validate but it's even more than that cuz most people don't do that if you successful in something very few people are going to actually come and say wow beautiful you did something great and forget about coming and saying that most people not even feel that and that's why the students of Raba they died because they were not able each one of them was a giant it was hard for them to come and say to the other person wow you are you're unbelievable how were you able to figure the AL Out and because they were so great in a very refined way that's was caused them to die and this is really the problem that we have that we find it very hard to compliment another person to to to to see the good in another person and to valuate to Value it and to validate it and this is called the far and there's a story one of the rabbis in the dynasty of kabad is known as the re maharash and he had two kids now the older kid was shorter in height from the younger kid so he had a problem with that that he's older but the younger one is taller than him and one time what he did he do he dug a hole in the ground and he told his brother can you stand in the hole and the brother went into the hole and he says okay now I'm taller than you so came their mother a very righteous woman rebit and RKA and and she told him instead of digging a hole why don't you put a stone and stand on the stone that way you're still going to be higher why do you have to dig a hole for him to go lower and when I read that story it's such a wise teaching why do I need to put somebody down to make me look higher just put myself higher and this is the problem that we all have is is that I feel that I need to be better than everybody and when somebody's better than me I don't like that so I need to put him down in order to make me feel higher that's a very bad thing and that's where the Torah comes and tells me love another person like you love yourself when you do something good you go and advertise it everywhere you know what I just did I was able to do this and that but it's very hard for you to see the success of the person and to validate it and to compliment and to say wow this is because when I was successful in doing something I will go and advertise it all over the world I will call my friend you you what I just did you can't believe it I cracked the Adam today and I was successful in doing this you go and adverti it you post on your Facebook today I was able to achieve this and that very few people are humble and they keep quiet but when you able to achieve something you run out and you advertise it when somebody else is successful that's when you like become you have a sour face oh how was he able to do that I'm trying to do this already for 10 years he this guy did it like that and right away it creates this hate and resentment towards that person I'm trying to get married already for 10 years that person just went into the to the shid world got married right away I'm trying to make to develop this business for years this guy just came and up the exact same trade same business he made money like that um you know and this is I'm just giving examples that we see somebody else's success and instead of putting myself in a higher place I don't like seeing that somebody else is more successful that I dig a hole to put him lower and that's the human nature is to make somebody be so to say lower it's hard for me to see somebody higher than me it's very hard for me to to when I see somebody have more than me I want him to have less that's like in a very refined way it's not necessarily that you walk in the street and be like oh look at this guy has a beautiful house I wish the house will explode that's not what I'm talking about talking about that in a very refined way it's hard for me to see somebody else that they have success that they're better that they're achieving that's when the Torah comes and tells me that you have to love another person like you love yourself you have to develop this love and when the Tor comes and tell me something like this commanding me to love and I might ask how do you want me to love somebody you develop it in your mind because the mind is much more powerful than the heart the whole teachings of is talking about to bring to the fact that my mind controls my heart that all my emotion love or hate or G or jealousy can be controled by my mind why because I can do in My Mind One Plus One why should I be angry at that person why should I be jealous at that person that's that can be controlled in my mind if I know how to control it in my mind it will manifest into the heart and my heart will be controlled not to hate that person not to be jealous at that person that's what the D comes and tells me yes I am commanding you to love another person like you love yourself the same way that I'm commanding you to love a every day when we Tor tells me you should love your God with all your heart and with all your soul so the Torah knows what it's talking about now the Tor comes and tells me you should love another person but love him like you love yourself the same way that you would throw a party because you were successful in doing something do the exact same thing to another person and be happy for the other person for their success and their achievement and how do you do that you control it in your in your mind you're able to put it in your mind to say that person is successful not because he's necessarily better than me or smarter than me because that's the will of the Kosh and even if he's better than me okay so what it doesn't mean that I have to be best in everything doesn't mean that I have to be number one if I think that I need to be number one all the time that's a very bad character trait I need to be able to make space for everybody and when somebody's taller than me not to dig a hole and tell him go in the hole so I can be taller than you come and do something that will raise you to a higher level that now you're going to be tall than him and the way to rise raise yourself to a higher level is to be able to accept another person and to see and to Value their success and to still love them that's the stone that I will stand over to make me higher and if I don't do that I will be lower and that's why the teacher the the students of the RAB AKA died because they were not able to do that the ones that were able to do that may all all the students they were able to elevate themselves and says okay I'm good at this you're good at that and even if you are 100% better than me everything I'm a complete loser next to you so what that's a created me so what if you're better than me big deal the reality is that I told you before that every one of us possesses at least one character trait one quality that nobody has so maybe somebody else is much better than me than everything but I at least have something that I'm better than everybody else that's how hasem created me hold on one second we're almost done then we'll go for the questions the point I want to take from that because because the Torah wants to teach me something practical and is practical it's not something that I can't do it's something that everybody can do and the Torah comes and tells me you have to do that that's why the AR says every day I start my day I accept on myself I'm accepting the fact to do the because I am able to do that means that today I'm going to accept everybody I'm going to see everybody eye to eye not better than me not less than me that's why Raba was able to say this is the a huge foundation in the Torah is to be able to make space for everybody like everybody shine in their own way this is such an important lesson not only for myself to be able to hold me in the right place that I will Shalom not go down rather to be able to make space for everybody to shine in their own colors and when you do that you are you are fulfilling a positive mitvah from the is a positive Mitzvah it's one of the say and what I want to take from that is that when I don't find it so easy to do it when I can't develop the love to another person because they hurt me then the development has to be in my mind not in my heart cuz my heart wants to hate that person and want to be angry at that person but the mind can come and say no there's nothing to be angry that person did that for whatever reason and just accept that and I can control my heart through my mind when the Torah comes and tells me that I can do something not only that I can do it it also gives me the K the power to do such a thing I just have to believe that it could be done and now in such a supicious time that I see that great sages like the students of R AKA died because of that that's so much more so gives me the ability to understand that wait a minute if they died means how important it is that I should work on that and bring it to my to my existence that yes I have to work constantly on the fact that I have to accept and love another person like I love myself even though it seems exaggerating and hard but it can be done can be done by me controlling my thoughts and my mind if we will get to a point that we start practicing we needless to say we're going to get the biggest present ever and that's going to be the coming of mashiah because that's all all we need we have enough we have enough of everything I mean it's never enough it's always good to add but we're only missing one thing is this is called is that's what we're missing if we want to blame the Redemption for not coming I can blame it on is even though it looks like there's a lot ofat Isel a lot of love and help we're still lacking it because it's coming from a very deep place in us and if we're able in our own place to work on my love for another person doesn't matter who it is doesn't matter what he did to me at least in my place I'm purifying my spot in the universe I'm making the Redemption come faster and closer that's what we want to concentrate on is to really practice the fact that to accept everybody when we'll able to do that I can guarantee to you we we're going to be definitely celebrating the coming of mhia much much faster than we think should have a beautiful restful Shabbat and a beautiful rest of the next week [Music] [Applause] [Music]