Our Family, Our Strength - Principle #20: Helping Around the House - Rabbi Yirmiyahu Abramov

in the 25 basic principles of Jewish child rearing we are now on principle number 20 and this is a relatively simple straightforward one helping around the house a child should feel very much a part of the home he should feel that the house is his he should not feel like a guest in a home so the best way of doing that is let him pitch in let him be part of it they didn't feel a certain sense of responsibility this way a person in a sense becomes part and parcel of this home he'll feel more at home in this way and it's up to him and his siblings and other members of the family living in this home together to pull together to make the home into a pleasant place to live because after all this should be the real bastion of who we are our home and this should be shared by everybody now we know that very often the mother in particular she sort of has the responsibility of the domestic running of the home in an orderly fashion the shopping the cleaning the cooking the etc etc but she should allocate jobs roles to all the members of the family and let them feel that they also part of this of this whole enterprise that they are now living in there living in an enterprise everybody should feel a sense of responsibility there is no such thing as the dirty work our rabbis tell us that the one of the most respected and prized service in the service of the temple and the times when we had the Holy Temple in Jerusalem was the carnem would actually vie for who's going to be the one responsible for what's our tradition for the taking out of the refuse removing the so-called garbage now that's not a very dignified form of of Labor and yet they vied for it because the carnem felt an overall sense of responsibility for everything that's going on in the Beit HaMikdash and that was deemed a great honor and they and they actually would argue over whose turn it was to take out the garbage so there's nothing there's no such thing as the dirty labor now this is all a function of the parents attitude if the parents are constantly messaging to their children and two other members of the household RG I've got to do the dishes are dishes are such a tedious type of thing what the garbage are cleaning up cleaning up doing cleaning up the floors every role has to be treated as something I'm participating in a great enterprise which is the home every role has to be something which is vital which is necessary and it's the little fun let's make it into fun let's let's compete with ourselves and see how fast we can we can wash the dishes right and let's see how we can in the most sophisticated way clean up the the children's toy room etc etc so even if we don't feel like it always but if the attitude is a positive one and the attitude is one that this is something which is necessary it's my home I'm part of it then I'll do it with a little song on my lips and I walk around humming doing any chore because all chores can be done in a cheerful manner so this message comes from the parents and there is however one word of caution and that is don't overburden there's a there's a fine line on the one hand we want the children to be participant but don't overburden remember they also have their obligations they've got school works I've got homework they have their own social lives and interactions etc so but we have to keep them busy in the home in some manner and in such a way that they can feel part and parcel of this home