Our Family, Our Strength - Principle #2: Home - A Haven of Peace - Rabbi Yirmiyahu Abramov

you shalam we are continuing in the twenty five principles of child rearing from a Jewish perspective principle number one we spoke about was the husband-wife relationship now we're going to speak about the home the home is an entity the home is something which we said the primary forces that dictate and determine how this home is is the parents this home has to be a constant continual haven of peace it has to be a kind of a refuge because children as much as the home is important the children have to venture out of the home they go to school they go to play they although the home is their base but they are constantly venturing out and as they grow older so they are spending more and more time away from home and venturing out into the world is sometimes a difficult experience you know they don't always necessarily meet up with the kind of friendship with the kind of cheerfulness that they find at home with the kind of love they find at home they may even find the playground sometimes a hostile environment that em you know they may find that sometimes playing in a game of sport or soccer or whatever it is ends up with a lot of verbal abuse if the child if someone doesn't perform adequately if someone misses the goal so the playground can sometimes be a very difficult and aggressive and cruel place sometimes the classroom can sometimes be a very difficult environment teachers faced with a whole class of children very often find themselves that they in order to maintain discipline they need to be very tough they need to be very aggressive sometimes very sharp they can't show when you've got a class full of 20 30 children it's hard to show love and and kindness and understanding and patience with every child sometimes there are teachers who are not so discerning and these teachers who sometimes will ridicule a child in public will deride a child in public will dress him down in public which in itself is a very severe halachic issue the concept of am album may have a robber abeam someone who insult someone it's as though it's tantamount to taking his life for this lee as the blood drains from his face that's what the has all same ol been from the word levan when a person is insulted publicly the his blood drains from his face is tantamount to kill him killing him and sometimes parents or teachers very often teachers think that well in the context of class and discipline I've just got to do this and this is what has to be done and it's sometimes done in the moment of pressures and tensions and sometimes a snide remark and bring about a situation of everybody giggling and laughing at a child's wrong answer or foolish answer or child slips or something happens and they're very they they are exposed this is a form of violence when a person is publicly ridiculed and a person is publicly made of a fan of now there is also the very painful issue of bullying bullying unfortunately is a phenomenon that is dominant and prevails in many many societies and we're a small group of kids that can be asked in nursery school already we're a few kids can gang up on another little child and that ganging up and isolating a child isn't it is like isn't a form of bullying it can be extremely painful and extremely damaging to the child so the child goes out and faces tough times the child walks into goes out to the school bus and if the bus drive is not most discerning fella in the sharp and the shouting and abusive so the child can be exposed to high levels of of tension high levels of aggression and we can't control that we can try certain times we can try and have an effect but in the main we it's that these are things out of our control so the most important thing is the child knows oh I've got a nice calm peace home to go back to at the end of the day he looks forward to coming back and crawling back into this home and it's loving and a sweet and this full of of understanding and joy and and and and the closeness and this sometimes enables him to maybe even lick his wounds if he's been if he's taken a battering sometimes even the physical battery on the playground at school from a teacher whatever it might be so it's imperative that this home is kept at a smiling and inviting and homely place so therefore parents can sometimes you know we can forego sometimes principles of cleanliness and rank out a child every time something is not in place so a little discarded apple core that wasn't or some displaced toys will cause a angry retort from a parent that's unnecessary we didn't really have to understand that our main role in the home is making this home peaceful and loving and caring and friendly that the child wants to can't be there now obviously parents also educators and parents also sometimes have to and they have to just a little child but that can't be the prevailing atmosphere the atmosphere has to be it has to be an atmosphere of of homelessness of tranquility and this is a very important important fact that the child knows he has this confidence that true are maybe having a rough time with a teacher or a friend or I may be having some social interaction which is difficult but I now always I've got home to go back to their it's peaceful there they understand me there they are sensitive to me and I can kind of let myself just relax in this environment so let's keep the home a haven of peace you