Our Family, Our Strength - Principle #10: A Joy, Not a Burden - Rabbi Yirmiyahu Abramov

continue on the twenty five basic principles of Jewish child rearing we're now in principle number ten there are many delightful aspects of raising children at all ages now there are also some big challenges in child rearing this is discussed in in our logic literature Sarah gudule banham there is something there is a great effort needs to be expended by parents in child rearing at all ages and there are there are many many challenges but we as a whole should focus on the delightful aspects of it and and enjoy it these are great years now true they are sometimes it's just downright hard work hard work in the sense that keeping a child an infant warm and clean and fed well and just looking after the basic physical needs can be a challenge and then when the child gets into the mode of discovery and the child is asking the child is in the context of his discovering his world he is sometimes missing its you know sometimes a child can be sitting in a high chair eating a bowl of porridge and the child is curious to see what would happen if I knock the ball over and all the porridge lands on the floor be interesting to see what that looks like now a parent can be quite frustrated they just made the porridge and there's a nice clean floor around them and the child in the spirit of adventure and exploring knocks over a bowl of poly of porridge so that can be a very frustrating a burden so obviously we were to try and educate the child we always have to educate the child in accordance with the child ability to understand a little baby can't understand these things but when the child is educated on the child can be spoken with them then parents will explain and parents will will will say no no no that's not what you do and obviously now these are all challenges but yet there's so many delightful aspects it's so exciting to see them you know we should rather be looking at the humorous side of things sometimes and keep it just keep it oh this is delightful this is my little my little toddler is trying to discover the world and in the process is a process of this the child is is doing all sorts of gets up to all sorts of mischief and does all sorts of things which are difficult I once read a an article of a survey that was conducted they took a in United States of America they took a platoon of soldiers of Marines these are tough hardened well-trained soldiers physically very fit and they put them into a hole with a little toddler and the instructions were you've got to follow and do whatever the toddler does the toddler runs around and trips run around and trip they have to just follow this toddler it bangs into the wall he tries to climb up the wall at oddly is constantly active and and experimenting and exploring and these Marines had to the whole day follow this toddler around and do what the toddler was doing and at the end of the day there to bring medical staff to treat these Marines for exhaustion now this is the typical life of a toddler I toddlers running around and causing havoc in the home and experimenting exploring and putting knives and folks into washing machines and doing all sorts of strange things and things which are which are causing a havoc in the home now this is a very big burden so if we sagging under this burden and if we constantly expressing ave it's so hard and and we taking this burden filled attitude it's going to affect as profoundly because of the the there's a great principle in terror that a person is affected by his actions and if I actions and I thought and I expressions are I can't tolerate this anymore I can't stand this I'm climbing the walls from frustration I can't run a clean and efficient household with toddlers running around the place so um if one has this kind of attitude and it's just going to get worse and worse rather take it it's yeah let's have it let's see the humorous side of things let's make it into something fun and then and let's em rather than it be tedious it should be a joy so therefore if we are enjoying and experiencing together with them in a positive and pleasant atmosphere then this is going to already develop a certain bond with the parents but if there's a tension felt all the time parents should not be scolding toddlers all the time it's not a healthy toddler who has who's running around who is commanded to sit down in the corner and mind his own business that's not the way he's going to discover his world he's going to discover his world by running around and experimenting and pulling things out and pulling our drawers and emptying contents and doing all things this is his way of exploring we want to go along with it we've got to keep him out of trouble we've got to keep him safe we're going to make sure that our homes are absolutely safe that the child is not going to be experimenting with electric plug outlets and and keep those outlets covered will keep them above the toddler's reach that and if the child feels that parents are enjoying their company and this as they get a bit older the children and I feel that parents are really enjoying that mommy or daddy's having a great time sitting and playing some kind of a a game with a child or teaching the child something or learning with something with the child and and and it's it's it's a joy right you know the very typical scene is that it's a old age old custom that fathers learned with their their fathers were busy during the week Shabbat is a great time for learning with a child the little boy comes home and he's got a certain depending his age he's got there certain aspects of Torah that he that has to be learned together with with the father the father supposed to to do hazara to do revision with a child on certain parts of his studies so usually this takes place on Shabbat afternoon now we all know that Shabbat after eating the cholent the whole body is just craving sleep and then if the father is a little bit grouchy is a little bit dozy and he's expressing kind of frustration or EVO I've got to learn of the child's now and the child there he wants to do this he wants to discuss things and the father's dozing off from the father's just yearning for that's not the right way of going about things rather have a short little nap let the child play for a four and have that short enough a person becomes invigorated by a short nap and have that short nap and feel more refreshed then you can give it everything a general golden principle is when you with your children be alert be happy that be don't be distracted by other things the time given to the child must be quality time and the child should never feel that he's a burden and he is taking away something is taking from deprived in the parent of something he should feel that the parents wants to be with him at the parent once the experience is enjoying his his interaction with him and this way it will create a much more healthy relationship