Yom Kippur | Rabbi Yitzchak Breitowitz | September 30th 2025

Obviously a big day is coming up on uh Wednesday, Tuesday I'm sorry what Yeah, Yom Kippur Wednesday night to Thursday. And uh let me just point out an interesting thing. Obviously a cottage borough who gave us a tremendous gift that is called chuva. Chuva is a protocol. It is a process by which God forgives sins together with Yom Kippur. And what greater gift is that? You know, sometimes people get depressed. I I tell my wife that Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah I not only have to deal with my nervous breakdowns, but like everyone else in the world's nervous breakdowns. Everybody is anxious. Everybody is worried. Everybody is obsessive compulsive. I would suggest that anxiety is exactly the wrong emotion to have during this time of year. I would even say that the base hakoves and the yeshivas have ruined Elul, Rosh Hashanah, and Yom Kippur. Because these are not times of anxiety. Although there is some element of it, I'm not denying that. These are not times of fear. These are times of opportunity. These are times of hope. These are times of renewal. These are times of great closeness to Hakadosh Baruchu. And the gift of chuva says that no matter what I've done and all the mistakes that I've made there is always hope for a new beginning. And what I am today is not limited by what I was yesterday. And what I can be tomorrow is not limited by what I am today. And Rav Kook in particular emphasizes over and over again that the dominant emotion of chuva should be one of simcha. Now, I remember uh when I was a child I have a memory one Yom Kippur only it was only one Yom Kippur in North Connecticut. Uh my parents and I and my Shalom and I went to a Yekke show German show. I was told I'm not supposed to say Yekke. I I didn't I didn't realize that some people are offended. But you know, a a show that followed the minhag of Berlin. And I had a recollection I I must have been five or six. I just learned about Yom Kippur that when they said the Al Chet Shagatanu they said it to a jaunty niggun. Not just the Ashamnu which almost everybody sings Al Chet Shagatanu. And as I grew older and as I learned about um Yom Kippur more I thought to myself my memory must have been inaccurate. Sometimes you remember things as a kid, but you figure it's not right. But then I read in Rav Soloveitchik's Rav Pinchas Peli's adaptation of Rav Soloveitchik's shiurim Al Hatzuva that Rav Soloveitchik who was in Berlin uh he went to University of Berlin uh recalls that the minhag in Berlin was they would sing the Al Chet. So I felt very validated. Oh, my memory is correct. And he explains how can you have how can you have In fact, not even a sad plaintive niggun, it's a jaunty lebedik niggun. And he explains that you know, when you clean out the garbage and you're dealing with filth and you're dealing with schmutz and you're dealing with all sorts of unpleasant things. But one way of looking at it is every single shovel full that you are removing, you're making it more beautiful. You're making it more a better place. So yeah, we say to God I did this and I did this and I did this and all this. But you're cleaning yourself out. And when you're cleaning yourself out there can be simcha even in that video itself. Now, um this apparently was meyuches to Berlin because in the Frankfurt minhag the Frankfurt minhag which of course uh Kehal Adas Yeshurun Washington Heights is is based on on that. They do not sing the Al Chet. But say again? In Zurich they do also. Okay. Okay. Okay. So there is such a minhag and the minhag makes a lot of sense. Um you know in Chabad Chassidus it says that we we read about the rebbeim the different rebbes and the emotional mood that they had. So Rosh Hashanah was a mood of trepidation and certain elements of fear uh crying bechios. It's mentioned that the rebbeim would have bechios on Rosh Hashanah. But Yom Kippur was said to be a day of tanug. Tanug is pleasure. A day of pleasure in basking in the presence of Hashem. Now again, obviously Yom Kippur is also the final day of judgment. Because most people are inscribed there's a writing a preliminary judgment on Rosh Hashanah and a final judgment on Yom Kippur. But Yom Kippur was more kind of being in sync with the Almighty. In fact, even the deprivations the inuyim the not eating, the not drinking even though we might describe that as deprivation and suffering in fact, it could be understood as transcendence. Meaning we try to go beyond the physical. That we're we're like angels. We we don't we're not pulled down by our physicality. In fact, it's very interesting that the Rambam and of course our course is about the Rambam so although we're not going to be looking at a letter today but we will be looking at some teachings of the Rambam. And the Rambam was so exact in his writing that you can even draw conclusions from his titles, not just his halachos but even his titles. Now the Rambam does have a section in the Mishneh Torah called Hilchos Taniyot the laws of fasting and that's where the Rambam discusses fast days uh Tisha B'Av etc. But when it comes to Yom Kippur, the Rambam has actually two separate sections about Yom Kippur interestingly enough. One section is called Hilchos Avodas Yom HaKippurim which is about the korbanos and the Kodesh Hakodashim. Right? That's about the sacrifices of Yom Kippur. But then the other part of Yom Kippur that's the halacha l'maaseh for us today goes by a very peculiar name that the Rambam invented. And the Rambam invented it Hilchos Shevisas Asor. The laws of resting on the 10th day of Tishrei. The laws of resting of cessation. And in Hilchos Shevisas Asor the Rambam includes both the laws of fasting on Yom Kippur and the laws of not doing melacha on Yom Kippur. In other words, the Rambam basically says both the taanis and the issur melacha are given a common designation. They are actions or inactions of shevisa. Cessation. Rest. This is an amazing thing. What the Rambam is telling us is that the concept of fasting on Yom Kippur is very different than the concept of fasting let us say on the 9th of Av. On the 9th of Av, the idea of fasting is to deprive ourselves to feel pain to suffer as we commemorate the Churban Beis Hamikdash. The idea of fasting on Yom Kippur according to the Rambam is not about suffering. Although I'll I'll go to the Lashon HaTorah about that. It is not about suffering. It is about transcending. It is about resting. It's It is about refraining. It's about being liberated from physicality. That's why you know, people always debate do you wish somebody before a fast day tzom kal. Have an easy fast. Right? We even have those pills tzom kal. So some say well, you don't wish somebody a tzom kal. That tzom is supposed to suffer. What do you mean tzom kal? But it could be maybe there's a difference between Yom Kippur and Tisha B'Av. Maybe Tisha B'Av I shouldn't wish you a tzom kal. We should suffer. Yom Kippur bedafka we don't suffer. By Yom Kippur we want to be liberated from eating and from drinking from physicality because we're like angels. We're with God. That's the taanis. That's the pleasure. The pleasure is being with Hakadosh Baruchu on that on that day. Some have even compared Yom Kippur to death in a positive in a positive way that you're kind of liberated from physicality and you become a pure a pure neshama. Now, all of this is beautiful, but you may ask me a kasha from the lashon of the Torah itself. Um the Torah says taanu es nafshoseichem. Now the word taanu is afflict your soul. Afflict your soul. Meaning to say there is the element of Yom Kippur that one suffers. So again, I'll give you an answer. The answer is a bit dochek I admit. But but the answer that's given is that the word nefesh has a very specific connotation and it refers to the animalistic part of yourself. Meaning you have the neshama which is the godly soul and the nefesh is the animal soul. So when it says taanu es nafshoseichem it doesn't mean you should suffer, but it means you afflict your animal aspect by shutting it out, by excluding it, by not focusing on it. And that is considered to be uh the inui. So, in this way, Yom Kippur, the Mishnah says "be fairish". The Mishnah in Taanis says that Yom Kippur, together with the 15th of Av for other reasons, were was the happiest day of the year. Happiest day of the year. And the Chazal say that it never pushes by itself. The 15th of Av, the Gemara has to go through a whole complicated thing. But for Yom Kippur, it says very pushit, Yom Machilo Slicha. A day of forgiveness, a day of connection to Hashem. What could be a happier time than than Yom Kippur? So, again, it should be something we should daven, of course, with kavana. We should have vidui, but even in our vidui, there should be a a sense of simcha that Hashem is granting us a tremendous tremendous gift of forgiveness. But what's interesting is, and this may sound kind of crazy or counterintuitive. Okay, teshuvah is a gift. Teshuvah is an opportunity. Teshuvah is a way to gain forgiveness. But is teshuvah an obligation? Let's say a person I'll make up a number. A person has a million aveiros. Now, obviously, they would be very foolish not to do teshuvah, because if they don't do teshuvah, they're stuck with a million aveiros. So, of course, teshuvah makes sense. But here's the question. If I decide I'm not going to do teshuvah, do I have a million and one aveiros, or am I simply stuck with the million that I did? Meaning, is there is teshuvah a gift and an opportunity, or is it actually an obligation? Surprisingly, there are shitos that say there is no mitzvah of teshuvah. It's up to you. Now, obviously, even if there's no mitzvah of teshuvah, I'm not allowed to continue sinning. I mean I mean the same Torah that said "Don't eat chazer before you ate the chazer", is also going to tell you "Don't eat chazer after you ate the chazer". So, stopping the aveira, that's obvious, you have to stop the aveira. But teshuvah is a process, confessing to Hashem, regret, you know, it's not just stopping the aveira. So, is there a mitzvah of teshuvah? So, some Rishonim actually say there's no mitzvah of teshuvah, it's up to you. Of course, you'd be an idiot not to take advantage of it, because then you're stuck with a million sins. But it's there's no separate mitzvah of teshuvah. So, I just want to point out the kitzur that both the Rambam and the Ramban disagree with this. Both the Rambam and the Ramban take the position that teshuvah is not only an opportunity, but it is an absolute obligation. It is a chiyuv. Uh and not only on Yom Kippur, not only I mean the whole the whole year. There's a chiyuv to do teshuvah. Uh both Rambam and Ramban say this, but they differ as to the makor. They differ as to what is the source of the mitzvah of teshuvah. Uh the Ramban, I'll mention him first, has a very straightforward source. Uh actually in last week's parsha, uh when Hashem describes the Jewish people sinning, and they'll be in exile, all of the future predictions, so it says the in the middle of your suffering, v'shafta ad Hashem Elokecha, you will return to God, v'shamata b'kolo, and you will listen to His voice. According to Ramban, this is one of the 613 mitzvos that when a person sins, they are obligated to try to undergo the process of teshuvah. V'shafta ad Hashem Elokecha, v'shamata b'kolo. And in fact, when the Chumash then goes on and says "Lo ba'shamayim hi, the Torah is not in heaven, the Torah is not far away from you, it's near to you, it's accessible to you, b'ficha uv'livavcha la'asoso", it's in your mouth, the ability to articulate it, in your heart, the Ramban says it's not just talking about the Torah generally. It's specifically talking about the mitzvah of teshuvah. Now, this seems to be pretty clear and pretty obvious. V'shafta ad Hashem Elokecha seems to be a really good source for the mitzvah of teshuvah. And yet the Rambam, who also maintains there's a mitzvah of teshuvah, does not use the pasuk v'shafta. Uh he uses another pasuk, which I'll mention in a moment. But why doesn't he use v'shafta? So, the emes is, because in another place, the Rambam uses the pasuk in a very very different way. The Rambam mentions that geulah, Mashiach, can only come if the Jewish people do teshuvah. Without teshuvah, there will not be redemption. But Hashem promises that at the end of days, the Jewish people will do teshuvah, she ne'emar, v'shafta ad Hashem Elokecha, v'shamata b'kolo. What that means is that according to the Rambam, v'shafta ad Hashem Elokecha is not a mitzvah, it is a messianic prediction. So, based on the Rambam's own interpretation of v'shafta ad Hashem Elokecha, it's understandable why he did not use that as the source of the mitzvah of teshuvah. Okay, so what is the Rambam's source of the mitzvah of teshuvah? So, it's very very odd. It's from a very isolated corner of the Torah, in parshas Naso. And it's talking about the following halacha. We know that when you steal something, the Torah obligates you to make restitution. You got to give back what you stole, in addition to fines or whatever it will be. Uh what if I stole from somebody, and the person died? Well, that's not a problem. I return the stolen property to his yorshim, to his heirs. If he has children, children, but even if he doesn't have any children, brothers, parents, cousins, every Jewish people, every Jewish person has some heir, even if it's a 20th cousin, 15 levels removed. Ah. But halachically, there is only one person, one Jewish person, who if he dies, there may possibly be nobody to inherit. And that is a ger. If a non-Jew becomes Jewish, and the non-Jew didn't marry, so he doesn't have children or the like, since halachically he is no longer related to his father, mother, brothers, whether they're Jewish, even if they became Jewish, and certainly if they're not Jewish, halachically he's not related. So, if he dies and doesn't have Jewish children from his Jewish wife, he has no heirs. In fact, the Gemara tells us the property of such a ger is hefker. Meaning, you can go and take it. Nobody owns it. He dies, nobody owns it. There's no yoresh. So, here's the problem. I stole from a ger, and a ger died. How do I make restitution? So, the Torah basically says in such a situation that you make restitution by paying the Kohanim. They kind of act as the surrogate. And you bring a special korban, and on that korban, you recite a confession, v'hisvadu es chatasam. And the Rambam says, since a confession to God is not valid unless it is sincere, in the mitzvah of vidui must exist a mitzvah of teshuvah. There can't be a mitzvah of vidui, verbal confession, independent of sincere repentance, because that would be a joke. So, in a sense, according to the Rambam, there is a mitzvah of teshuvah, but the mitzvah of teshuvah is derived inferentially from the mitzvah of vidui, v'hisvadu es chatasam. And even though that is talking about a limited sin of stealing from a ger, but the Rambam understands that the Torah is generalizing it to all aveiros, that there's a mitzvah that is called that is called teshuvah. So, be it as it may, therefore we have three different views among commentators. View number one, which is very strange, but there is such a view, there is no mitzvah of teshuvah. Meaning, if I don't do teshuvah, there's no extra aveira that I have, other than being saddled with all the aveiros, which were not forgiven. View number two is Ramban. V'shafta ad Hashem Elokecha is the mitzvah d'oraisa of teshuvah. And then we have Rambam who derives the mitzvah of teshuvah from the mitzvah of confessing to Hashem, not to other people, to Hashem when you bring the korban for gezel hager, stealing from a ger, and that is generalized to refer to every mitzvah. Now, Rabbeinu Yonah who was uh a nephew of the Ramban. Rabbeinu Yonah was uh wrote a great great book one of the classic books on repentance called Shaarei Teshuvah. It's a safer that one could one should look at uh during uh this season, really the whole year. And Rabbeinu Yonah makes a fascinating point. He agrees with Ramban that there's a mitzvah d'Oraisa of teshuvah. But then he makes the point. He says that the sin of not doing teshuvah may actually be much greater than all of the sins for which you had to do teshuvah. So, if you had a million aveiros and you don't do teshuvah on the million aveiros then not doing teshuvah may be equal to 2 million aveiros. And the reason is because if a melech gave you a precious gift and you simply turn it down and you spit in his face there is no greater denigration of the melech that you can have than not accepting the opportunity that he's offering. >> Yeah. Hakadosh Baruchu gives us a phenomenally great opportunity and we say, "I don't need it. Who needs you? Who needs it?" So, it's a fascinating point. So, if you don't do teshuvah, according to Rabbeinu Yonah, you're not simply stuck with the million aveiros that are unforgiven. You might have another 2 million added to the scale because not doing teshuvah is even worse than the aveiros for which you have to do teshuvah. Um and uh Rabbeinu Yonah adds another point. He says which the Rambam and the Ramban don't explicitly address he says that not only is there a year-round mitzvah of teshuvah but there's a special mitzvah d'Oraisa d'Oraisa to do teshuvah on Yom Kippur. Now, let me explain this. I I I know when you hear this this may sound so obvious that you're wondering what the point is. Th- There actually is a point and let me explain this. It is clear that the forgiveness of Yom Kippur depends on teshuvah. Absolutely. If I just go through a Yom Kippur and I don't try to do teshuvah I don't get the forgiveness of Yom Kippur. That that is clear. I don't need Rabbeinu Yonah to tell me that. So, of course I'm I'm going to try to do teshuvah on Yom Kippur because I want the gift of God's forgiveness. Okay? That's not what Rabbeinu Yonah is adding to the discussion here. But once again that doesn't make teshuvah an obligation. That just says if I want the gift of Yom Kippur, I got to do teshuvah. Okay. And if I wouldn't want that gift, I'm an idiot, for sure. But is there a chiyuv to do teshuvah on Yom Kippur? Rabbeinu Yonah says it's a chiyuv. And where do you get the chiyuv? Where does the Torah say thou shalt do teshuvah on Yom Kippur? So, Rabbeinu Yonah reads it in the famous verse ki vaYom hazeh y'chaper aleichem on that day Hashem will give you atonement l'taher eschem to purify you mikol chatoseichem from all of your sin lifnei Hashem tit'haru in front of God you shall be purified. So, most commentaries understand that as God's promise. God is promising you will be purified. Rabbeinu Yonah says, "No, it's an imperative sentence. In front of God, you shall purify yourself." i.e. doing teshuvah. Rabbeinu Yonah says there's a chiyuv d'Oraisa to do teshuvah. Actually, it's a machlokes how I learn Rabbeinu Yonah. He's either saying there's a chiyuv d'Oraisa to do teshuvah on Yom Kippur or he might be saying there's a chiyuv d'Oraisa to enter Yom Kippur in a state of teshuvah and that might be part of the reason why in the mincha before Yom Kippur we say the long vidui, so we enter Yom Kippur in the state of teshuvah lifnei Hashem tit'haru, in front of God you shall, you must, you are obligated to purify purify yourselves. You know, it it is interesting in some ways that you can even ask the question do we have time on Yom Kippur to do teshuvah? Now, yes, we have a liturgy, we have davening and we say a lot of al cheits. teshuvah. That's a liturgical thing that you say over and over again. But when do I have time to think about me, think about what I need to fix, my cheta'im, my responsibilities? And how do I do that? So, isn't it kind of a paradox that precisely on the day of atonement is the day that we don't necessarily have a lot of time to think about our own cheshbon hanefesh? And that's why we have the 10 days of repentance, aseres yemei teshuvah. That is why we have uh the month of Elul, actually uh for that type of cheshbon hanefesh. You actually need the time because once you're in the trial, so to speak, uh there's not that much time for the personal introspection. Yeah, Yom Kippur there's a break, most shuls have a break, but you know, the break people people are too tired to do teshuvah during the break, you know, they they they need a little bit of need need a little bit of rest as as well. Um I remember when I was in Eretz Yisrael, we had a you know, yeshivah was a very long davening. So, uh as a just as a teenager, you know, 14, 15-year-old you know, as we waited every Yom Kippur after mussaf some weeks, some years we had a break before mincha and some years we were running late, so we went straight. So, I remember with bated breath there would always be this consultation between the Rosh Yeshiva and Rabbi Neuwirth uh about is there going to be a break or not? And we were all like staring and waiting, you know. Uh with that with that hope. Some some years we had some years we took it we took it didn't have, but okay. Um yeah. But be it as it may, this is what Rabbeinu Yonah says. Now, I want to mention another aspect. Rabbeinu Yonah just the Rabbeinu Yonah just mentioned uh said lifnei Hashem tit'haru in front of God you shall be purified is actually a commandment. We are obligated to try to purify ourselves uh for God. But let me just remind you there's another famous drasha that the Mishnah says in Maseches Yoma the famous idea that everybody knows Yom Kippur with your teshuvah only gives you atonement for the aveiros bein adam l'Makom the aveiros between man and God. I didn't keep Shabbos, I do teshuvah, God forgives me. But aveiros bein adam l'chavero the aveiros hurting another person so even with your teshuvah and even with Yom Kippur there is no kaparah, there is no atonement until you seek the forgiveness of the person. Mechilah, you ask for forgiveness of the person. And yeah, there's a protocol if you're very sincere and the person is not mochel you, so God will forgive you, but you have to at least go through the process of sincerely requesting mechilah. Now, the source of that is actually from the very same pasuk. It says y'chaper aleichem al hachat l'taher eschem, God will give you atonement to purify you mikol chatoseichem from all of your sins. Now, in the Chumash there's an esnachta, that's the semicolon, and lifnei Hashem tit'haru, in front of God you'll be pure, is the next part of the phrase. But the Mishnah punctuates it differently. Hashem will give you atonement mikol chatoseichem lifnei Hashem. See, it it it moves lifnei Hashem to the first part of the pasuk. You will get atonement for the sins that you committed to God. But bein adam l'chavero you have to ask mechilah. Now, there's an interesting machlokes in the acharonim because they point out that in every sin bein adam l'chavero you're also sinning against God. There's a bein adam l'Makom and a bein adam l'chavero. When we say you don't get forgiveness until you ask mechilah of the person does that mean you don't even get forgiveness on the bein adam l'Makom component? Or no, the bein adam l'Makom component you get mechilah, but you're still saddled with bein adam l'chavero. So, that that that's a machlokes. But what I want to share with you is a very very fascinating other machlokes between Rabbi Yisrael Salanter and the Chofetz Chaim. Rabbi Yisrael Salanter was much older. Rabbi Yisrael Salanter, um, when he was in his 70s, Rabbi Yisrael Meir HaCohen was a young man in his early 30s. And he had written his first sefer anonymously, which was the sefer that's called Chofetz Chaim. That's why he became known as the Chofetz Chaim. And the Chofetz Chaim wrote his sefer based on the pasuk me in Tehillim mi ha'ish haChofetz Chaim Who is the person who desires life? Ohev yamim liros tov, netzor leshoncha mera. Guard your tongue from evil. So, the Chofetz Chaim actually wrote a book. He wrote the book on the laws, the halachos of lashon hara. Right, this is still, to this day, considered to be the definitive text. There've been many adaptations, but the but even the original book has been translated, uh, more recently, actually. Most of the years they were going with adaptations and the like. So, the Chofetz Chaim did write it anonymously. In fact, we have even humorous stories about this. Uh, we have a story with them One story was the Chofetz Chaim used to go to different cities to sell his sefer. He said it himself. So, he's sitting next to somebody on a train and there's a pile of Chofetz Chaim's books. So, the man says, "Ah, this Chofetz Chaim, great rabbi, great talmid chacham, great tzaddik. I can see from the sefer what a righteous, great person he is." So, the Chofetz Chaim said, "Well, I know him. He's nobody special." Regular guy. So, the man got so incensed that he slapped him in the face. He says, "How dare you impugn such a righteous and holy person?" Okay. This is the seder. So, they get to Warsaw and apparently the Chofetz Chaim was already known in some circles. So, as he's selling his seforim, people are gathering around and they're they're mit'yachestin with a lot of respect. So, the man that slapped him was getting a little uneasy. He doesn't know who he hit. So, he says to somebody, "Can you tell me who that man is who's selling those seforim?" And he said, "Oh, you don't know? He's the Chofetz Chaim." So, the man now felt totally, totally, uh, ashamed that he slapped the Chofetz Chaim. So, he went to the Chofetz Chaim. He asked mechila of the Chofetz Chaim. He said, "Rebbi, I did it out of your kavod. I hit you because I thought you were insulting, uh, our tzaddik. You know, I consider you a tzaddik." So, the Chofetz Chaim said, "Please, don't worry about this. From you I learned a very important halacha that I have to put in my second edition, that the same way you shouldn't say lashon hara about other people, you also shouldn't say lashon hara about yourself." He says, "And that was my aveira, that I said lashon hara about myself." Now, the truth of the matter is, there actually is a profound psychological insight in this, uh, simple story. And that is, very often, the impetus within our personalities that leads us to want to put other people down is that we have a lack of an inner self-esteem. We think we're not good. So, the way I don't feel so bad about it is when I say, "Well, maybe I'm a bum, but he's a bum, too. He's no better." Or maybe he's worse. If a person has a good sense of who they are in a positive way, they're not going to have a a desire to go put down and be mevaza other people. So, in a sense, when you don't say lashon hara about yourself, uh, you actually won't say lashon hara or think lashon hara. You won't say lashon hara about other people. Yeah. I was just going to say that one of the confusions that comes up in all these discussions is that teshuvah isn't a moment. And the only thing teshuvah that teshuvah is a process. And even the Sefardim mention that certain halachos Well. It doesn't mean that this is only happening I think what they're saying is the shaf hamussar and it will be shalem. Yeah. I think the relation to the color is not that and again, they may be clean. Right. But you have to do this in an ongoing way. Yeah. Yeah, it's a very good It's a very good point, I and you're right. And I I will, in fact, uh, talk about this. Um, by the way, excuse me. I I have to interrupt in the middle. Uh, I didn't announce the dedications. I do want to announce the dedications. Um, No, these seems to be No, these are all last week. I don't know why why they were given to me. Yeah, these are not These are not current. Okay, I'm sorry for that. Okay. Uh, anyway, uh, it's a very good point. I I will actually try try to address that before it before the end of the the end of the show. But be that as it may, the machlokes was the following. When the when the sefer Chofetz Chaim came out and the Chofetz Chaim was in his early 30s, Rabbi Yisrael Salanter was towards the end of his life, in his 70s. Rabbi Yisrael Salanter was very, very happy. Rabbi Yisrael Salanter devoted his life to raising mussar, ethical consciousness, middos. And he was so happy to see a sefer that was concerned with, uh, this problem of moral character. And he said, "Baruch Hashem, Hashem has prepared a spiritual leader for the new generation." But it is brought down there was one halacha in sefer Chofetz Chaim that Rabbi Yisrael Salanter disagreed with. And that is, asking mechila when you said lashon hara about somebody and the person doesn't know what you said or that you said it. Example, the Chofetz Chaim writes, "If I said lashon hara about you," and that's even if it's true, it's lashon hara. "I said, 'This person is the biggest idiot I ever met.' Or 'This person has the moral values of a criminal.' And now I wanted to teshuvah. So, the Chofetz Chaim says, 'That's bein adam lechavero. I have to go over to you. I have to say, "Please, forgive me for what I did." And you have the right to ask me, "What did you do?" And I'm going to say, "Well, you really don't want to know." Well, no, I have to tell you if I want your mechila. So, what's going to happen? You got to do that. You're not going to get forgiveness without asking mechila. And you don't have to get necessarily mechila unless you say what it is. This is what the Chofetz Chaim writes. Rabbi Yisrael Salanter says, or said, he very strongly disagrees. You don't ask mechila if in the process of asking mechila, you are going to cause more pain and suffering. You don't In fact, this is Rabbi Yisrael Salanter's general philosophy exemplified in the famous saying, that you don't become a tzaddik on somebody else's cheshbon. "I want to be a tzaddik, so I'm going to tell you all the things I I said about you, so you can be mochel me." Rabbi Yisrael Salanter said, "In such a situation, the Torah absolves you of asking mechila. You do teshuvah. You try to do your best. You engage in the process and God will forgive you because he does not expect you. He does not desire that you ask mechila if that's going to create pain and suffering." And this comes up in a lot of consequences. So, you have to think about this very carefully. I mean, I'll give you one example, which is not not about lashon hara. I mean, I I get questions like this sometimes. Uh, let's assume that people had a relationship. They were dating. A shidduch. And they broke off in a very, very painful way, meaning one party did something that was very, very humiliating and embarrassing to the other party. But, baruch Hashem, in many cases, not in all cases, life goes on. The person that was hurt got married. Everything's good, etc. So, the question I sometimes get, I guess other rabbis get it as well, is, "I really, really feel bad what I did, let's say, to that young woman. Should I make contact with her and ask forgiveness, get forgiveness?" So, this is a very, very difficult question. Uh, it might be that your asking forgiveness might be the greatest possible thing you can do. She would be liberated. She would feel free. She would have the weight off her chest. Or or it might be that she's forgotten about you. You know, who Don't think you're so great that you you've been in her mind for so many years. And life goes on and life is good. And you're reopening a bad part of her life, her or him, whoever it is. So, I'm not giving you a psak on this, but this would be an example where you'd have to take into account the idea, is asking mechila going to make things better or is it going to make things worse? And Rabbi Yisrael Salanter says you are mechuyav to deal with that perspective. And even though I myself am not in a position to tell you do we pasken like Rabbi Yisrael Salanter or the Chofetz Chaim, but we have a mesorah from Rabbi Aaron Kotler, who actually says that in all inyanim of mussar and middos, Rabbi Yisrael Salanter is considered to be the definitive authority even over the Chofetz Chaim. So, that's something you need you need to think about. Now, the final point I want to mention is um and I highly recommend uh, uh if you can get books or tapes or even videos. There was a uh therapist in Eretz Yisrael who was nifter with a talmid chacham also, uh Rav [ __ ] Hoffman, uh zechuto livracha, uh who was very, very close to the gedolei hador, to Rav Shach, and they trusted him. He He was They trusted him. They would send their bnei Torah who had uh struggles uh to him. A very, very sensitive individual, uh very perceptive uh in many, many, many, many areas. And they now have vadim. They have uh talks that he gave and and I don't know if they have videos of him, but people are giving shiurim on these talks and the like. And he tells a story about himself that's a very, very interesting, a very, very interesting story. He was a talmid in the in the early 1950s. He was a talmid in the Chevron Yeshiva, which was already in Yerushalayim. They moved during 1928 after the massacre. And the rosh yeshiva of Chevron at the time was Rav Yechezkel Sarna, one of the gedolei hador of the past generation. And Rav Yechezkel Sarna walked by uh [ __ ] Hoffman, the bochur who was only 15 years old, during Elul before Rosh Hashanah, and said to him, "Why are you so sad? You look unhappy. You look overly serious." Of course, in a Litvish Yeshiva, I'm not sure why that would be a question. Everybody Everybody is sad and depressed during Elul. So, [ __ ] Hoffman said, "I am depressed because I'm reading something in the Rambam. The Rambam says, 'What is the definition of teshuvah?' Teshuvah is your change is so sincere that God can testify, God who knows the future, can testify you will never go back to this sin again. Meaning, if you read the Rambam literally, if I do teshuvah on an aveirah, but I do the aveirah again, that actually means my teshuvah was not really sincere. So, not only am I stuck with the new aveirah, I'm stuck with the old aveirah. Rav [ __ ] Hoffman said, "Given the fact that virtually every aveirah, lashon hara or whatever it would be, we do over and over and over and over and over again, that means none of us have ever done teshuvah. Our teshuvah is worthless. Of course I'm depressed." Now, the truth is there are many ways of interpreting the Rambam, which I'm not going to go into. But Rav [ __ ] Hoffman says says that Rav Sarna gave him a different answer. Rav Sarna says, "Who says we pasken like the Rambam? Okay. That's what the Rambam says. Who says we follow the Rambam? Rabbeinu Yonah in Shaarei Teshuvah gives a different definition of teshuvah. And Rav Yisrael Salanter in his letters seems to follow this. It is a commitment to a pathway. It is a commitment to a process. Doing teshuvah in the Rambam sense, that I'm permanently free from that aveirah, at best that may take years. And it may very well be we'll never really achieve it totally. What God is looking for is not, "Oh, yesterday I did this and today from now on I'm never going to do that again." Hashem is not expecting that. But Hashem is expecting you've committed yourself to a road, the road of improvement, the road of trying to be better. And in that road, there will sometimes be two steps forward and one step back. And there may sometimes be only one step forward and two steps back. And in that road, you stumble. And in that road, you fall. And in that road, you fail. But you get up and you don't leave the road. You stick to the road. And Rav Sarna says, "That is attainable for us." Kind of the instantaneous perfection, okay, realistically, again, it's really the point that you made, realistically, we're not going to get there, at least right away. But to make a commitment that this is the road I want to go on. And you know, the old story, the old T-shirt saying, uh life is a journey, not a destination, is very true for the pathway of teshuvah. I'm on a journey and I want to go on this road. Sometimes faster, sometimes slower. Sometimes I stop, sometimes I even go backwards, get lost a little bit. But overall, this is my direction. That's why it's called derech teshuvah, the pathway of teshuvah. Think about it as a road. There is a destination that's way, way, way far off. But you're committed to stay on that road. And that, he says, is much more reassuring for a person because there you can really have a sense that I'm I'm going to try. I'm going to try. I'm going to This is the road I want to go. And you know, I'm going to try to make improvements. That's what Hashem looks at. Not so much where you are, but where you're going. Now, he gave a mashal. Rav Sarna gave a mashal. Back to the 1950s. Let's say you wanted to take a cab, a monit, from Yerushalayim to Bnei Brak. So, you know, uh usually it's under an hour. Sometimes traffic, but under an hour. So, let's assume you go into the cab and you're traveling 1 hour, 2 hours, 3 hours, you know, it's getting long, long, long, long, and it's dark already, and you don't really know where you're going, but it doesn't seem to be Bnei Brak. And all of a sudden, like you see signs for Eilat or something, you know, now, which means you're obviously going the wrong way. And instead of being 1 hour from Bnei Brak, you're now 4 or 5 hours from Bnei Brak. So, if you're smart, you're not going to keep on going. You'll get off, get out of the cab, and try to find a cab going in your direction. Now, in truth, when you first take the cab that's going in your direction, you're still in a very bad place. You had started off 1 hour from Bnei Brak, and now you're 5 hours from Bnei Brak. But once you've gotten on the right road, you've made a lot of progress. You've made a lot of progress by simply switching roads, even though you're very, very far from your destination. And he says, "That's what teshuvah is. Teshuvah is get off the wrong road. Get on the right road. And it may take a very, very long time to get where you need to get. But you're on the road, and that is what counts." Uh I believe I've heard, if I'm not mistaken, that embarrassing somebody in public is worse than murder because I mean you don't get olam haba because when you murder, it's judged and and you still uh get olam haba. But but if you would embarrass a person, then they they would not after and everybody heard it lives with that after and all the feathers, you know, can't be picked up again and everything else. Can you just elaborate on that if that's even Well, well, it is very true. It is very true that our chachamim say that uh malbin pnei chaveiro berabim, humiliating somebody publicly, uh is murder and in some ways it's worse than murder. And uh you don't have a share in olam haba. But but but, it is important to know that the Rambam says even on that, if a person does teshuvah, they are forgiven by Hashem and they will have olam haba. Meaning, all of those statements, you don't get olam haba for this or for that or for that, the Rambam writes that is only if you do not do teshuvah. If a person does teshuvah uh it sincerely, uh they will be forgiven. So, one shouldn't despair. Um you know, again, it's it's hard to imagine. You know, one of the thing, again, going back to Rav [ __ ] Hoffman, you know, one of the things he did in his career was he was a uh psychologist for prisoners. He would go to prisons. And you know, some people in prison are dangerous. I mean, they're not just taxing you know, income tax evaders. Uh they you know, they're murderers, you know, they're you know, whatever. And uh the rules the rules of every prison are, if you're a therapist seeing a dangerous patient, the patient has to be restrained. He has to be in handcuffs or chains or whatever because you're alone with him in a room and he could he could kill you. Rabbi Hoffman insisted that every person he sees be unchained. Sit there, like he says, "I am trying to build this person up as a human being. I am trying to enable this person to see that even he is in the image of God. Because the only way he will ever become a better person is if he is convinced that there's a godly spark within him. So he told he told the prison guard he says I will take the risk. I will you know whatever risk there is I will take it I will sign whatever paper you want me to sign. I insist that the person be unchained. And the point is that it's hard for us to believe this maybe and I know in emotionally it's hard for me to believe it. But even if I'm not dealing with Hitlers that's a separate category but even people who God forbid murder commit the worst crimes of course there's Gehenna of course there's accountability. I'm not saying there's no accountability. But on some spiritual level there can still be forgiveness and you need to or not you but the person needs to make his life matter. You can't say because of the awful thing I did the rest of my life should just be worthless. You salvage what you can salvage. And therefore even by mouth and they have error which is like murder you still do chuva try to become better. Yeah. Yes. The question is Somebody hurts you or your child and they don't think that they hurt you. And you know this according to letter of the Rambam himself rather you go to them and they deny they going to say no no no [Music] I didn't really do it you with your fault whatever. How do you get rid of this feeling on Yom Kippur am I punished for our shame because I can't forgive them? So here's the thing. Um >> What's the question? Yeah the question is if somebody hurt you but they don't think they did and they didn't even ask your forgiveness and you have anger and resentment towards them is Hashem going to hold that against you because you did not forgive them? Yeah so the short answer is if they do not ask your mechila and they do not even know they did something wrong there is no obligation on you to forgive them. And the result you will not be punished. Nevertheless nevertheless there is still an inyan to be mochel even those who did not ask mechila in the sense that this gives you extra mercy in shamayim. So it's not a sin but it's a way of getting rachamim. Now in the time the Gemara mentions that if people are not aware that they wronged me it actually is appropriate for me to tell them to give them a chance to ask mechila. But but I would say it all depends on the scenario. Meaning sometimes a person is genuinely unaware and if they would be aware they would want to make amends. So in such a situation there's actually a mitzvah for you to tell them. If on the other hand what's going to happen is they will deny it they will be angry they will be resentful so then we're back to the thing that you know why bring it up. Now I want to make an obvious point that's is both a religious point and a psychological point generally. The idea of forgiveness is not only of benefit to the person who did the bad thing. Right I'm forgiving the guy that did a bad thing so baruch Hashem that guy gets a bracha. Forgiveness is a great blessing to the forgiver. Because when we're filled with anger we're filled with resentment we're filled with hurt we become immobilized we become like there's a like a two two ton weight on us. We can't open ourselves up to the simcha of life. And it really destroys us it's a poison that destroys us and uh the psychological expression is you're letting this person live in your brain rent free not even paying you rent. So you have to think about forgiveness not in the sense of they're my best friend I love them I'm going to hang around with them all the time. Yeah okay that maybe you're not expected to do but in the sense of not letting the angers or resentments consume you. So you have to know you're not only helping them you're really really really helping again I'm talking to myself still helping ourselves as well when we can let go of resentments because ultimately resentments don't take you anywhere. Where do they take you? Where do you go with them? Right? It just it just paralyzes you in your in your in your life journey. So we try to get try to get rid of it to whatever possible. So in that sense Yom Kippur is also once again a great cleaner it cleans out the averas but it can also clean out the resentments. And that's why you know uh many people say before Kol Nidre they say tfilat zakah. Some people say some people don't but in tfilat zakah there actually is a paragraph where you declare that you're mochel everybody whether whether they ask or not but of course Jews are very practical and they make the point except for money that is owing to me that I could get in a basin. Cuz we want to be sure that the guy that owes you a thousand dollars is not going to say oh you were mochel. That's so so even on Yom Kippur we want to preserve our monetary rights but we want to get rid of the resentments. Okay wish you all a gmar chatima tova and be well and be well and be well.