Why didn't Yosef phone home? Rabbi Shmuel Goldin | December 9th 2025

Okay. So, number one, you'll notice that on the title I say, "Why didn't Yos phone home revisited?" [gasps] That's because I'm not sure if any of you were with me last year. If you were, we I think we covered this. All right. Um, and therefore, I'm going to be adding some additional information for those who might might feel that it's just a repeat and that's why it's revisited. Um, let me know after the shure if that is the case. If you're if you were with me last year, so I'll know when I'm doing my my preparation not to not to repeat. Okay, we're going to deal with what I think is to my mind the one of the most difficult questions facing us when we consider the story of Yoseph. And that is why is it and the Ramban asks it number one if you'll take a look why isn't it why is it that Yoseph at the point where he had apparently the opportunity why doesn't he contact his family why doesn't he contact his father the Ramban asks it at the point when he is the second in command to Potifar's uh to Potifir in other words when he is in still enslaved but second in command at Potifar's house says Ramban I would assume that he would have the ability at that point to contact his father particularly his father but to contact his family why doesn't he contact the family now someone pointed out that the Ramban when he raises this uh says that it a three-day journey from sur to mitim that's probably difficult by foot. One would assume you probably need a good deal more time than that. But nonetheless, the question still stands. The question still stands. Why is it that Yoseph doesn't reach out? Now, that's that's the question we're going to deal with. Before we get there, though, the second introductory statement I'd like to make is if you take a look at this month's Torah tidbits, I raised the issue Yoseph introduces for us a a real change in how God communicates with man. Suddenly God stops speaking. He talks to Yakov. He talks to Yitzuk. He talks to to Abraham. He does not speak. When we talk about the Yitzksk story, the God who appeared to his father at Beel and said, "Don't worry," is nowhere to be seen. Apparently, when he's thrown in the pit, you'd assume that God would turn to him and say, "Don't worry, Yseph. Everything's going to be all right." You can't imagine what's going to happen over the next few months and years. But nonetheless, this is the nonprphetic era. the non-p prophetic era of the patriarchal period. And therefore, Yoseph is has to see God in what occurs. And what's makes Yoseph so great and earns him the title Yosephade is that in a time of silence, he is intent upon bringing God into the picture. When he when he tells to Potifer's wife, I can't I can't do what you want. He doesn't say, I will sin to Potifer. He he says, I'll sin to God. He doesn't when when the butler and the baker come to him and say to him, interpret the dreams. He says God will interpret dreams. I'll help you. When parro says to him, I want you to interpret my dreams. And one would assume at that moment, this is Yoseph's shining moment where he can turn and say, "Yeah, I'm really good at that." He says, "No, Parro, God. God has dreams. Tell me the dreams. I'll see what I can do." Over and over and over again, Yoseph pulls God into the picture at a point when God himself seems silent, seems absent. And that's what makes Yoseph I think the Sadi that he is and why he's called Yoseph Hatsadic by the rabbis. And that makes Yoseph the patriarch period of the patriarch person of the patriarchal period who is most like us. Right? In other words, we live in the nonprphetic moments of the national period and we'll get of the national era. And that started around porm time when God stopped talking again. And we have to do what Yoseph did. We have to figure out what God wants from us and we have when God's not speaking. So that that's just an overlay to the entire Yoseph story and we'll see how Yoseph emerges from that story in in a very beautiful way. Now let's go back to our problem. Why doesn't Yoseph phone home? The Ramban says very clearly. He says, "Oh, not three days. Six days." All right, that's better. But I I don't know if you tried to go by foot from I'm not sure it would be a six- day journey, but maybe it would. Maybe it would. >> Camels, >> right? That camels, right? Correct. Correct. Maybe. Taka. Taka. Six days is pro probably close. All right. Yes. So he says what section number one page number one underlined section. Forget about traveling back. Why doesn't he just send a messenger? Why doesn't he send somebody back to his father to say, "Hey, Dad, you know what's happening. This this is where we're at. Please come get me." Right? It so the Ramban brings it up at the moment when he's Potifir's viceroy. But what but I would say even more so when what? When he becomes the Egyptian viceroy, when he becomes the fellow second in command to parro, send somebody back. Let your father know what's happening, not a word. Okay. So, the the the mafarim wrestle with this. We'll take a look at a classical approach. We'll take a look at two modern rabbis approach and then we'll take a look at Schmal's approach. All right? And [laughter] that does not negate the veracity of the approaches before, but I've got a new I've got a different idea. All right. So the Ramban will take a classical approach and if you it's based upon if you look at number two. This is the moment where Roman numeral 2 where Yoseph [clears throat] interfaces with the brothers for the first time. The brothers come down to Egypt. Yoseph is the viceroy. He doesn't tell them who he is. People ask how could they not recognize him? Well, he's not recognizable. He's he's not doesn't seem like Yoseph the brother anymore. He's a viceroy in Egypt. He's grown up. He's maybe grown a beard. Maybe he didn't have a beard before. He certainly wouldn't expect our brother Yoseph to be this man, right? So, he and he deliberately hides his hides his face from them, hides his identity. And what is his reaction when he first sees them? The Torah tells us, look at Roman numeral 2, underlined sectional. He sees his brothers. And what does he what does he go back to immediately? To his dreams. If you were Yoseph and you were seeing your brothers for the first time, what would you think about >> my dreams? I'd go back to the pit, right? What am I got? I'm going to start thinking about my dreams. The Ramban says, "Therefore, what the Torah is telling us is the Torah is telling us why Yoseph is now embarking upon this difficult journey that he's embarking on and putting the brother through the paces. He remembers his dreams. He believes that it is his responsibility to make those dreams come true. And that's what he starts doing. He realizes and the Ramban says, see, Rashi says that he saw the dreams came true. The Ramban says, "No, it's the exact opposite. The dreams haven't come true. Why not? because there are only 11 brothers there and one one more has to come down and I'm going to work it out so that one comes down and then my father has to come down at some point and that I've got to work it out so that happens but before I can contact my father I have to fulfill these dreams I have to make sure I have to maneuver events so that these dreams come true and therefore that's why he doesn't reveal himself to his brothers and that's Why the Ramban will say he puts the brothers through the paces that he does because he wants to maneuver things so that they'll bring biny even though it's difficult for them and eventually their father will come down as well. All right. So that that's the Ramban. You have a problem with the Ramban >> dream supposed who appointed you chief cook and bottle washer. Right. In other words, I don't know if you know that phrase. Um right. Okay. The point being what? The point being you had a dream. God was giving you a message perhaps, right? God didn't speak. You have to figure it out. But who appointed you to make sure it comes true, right? The Naveim Laahavil, right? Who who gave Nav to Ben Israel, did they see when they saw their their visions, did they see it their responsibility to make those visions reality? No. they they they preach to the people most often so it wouldn't come true. Right? So what who appoints Yoseph to do this and this therefore is is I think a weakness. Yes. >> He had he the moon in he suffering he looked at that purpose to it and He knew it was a purpose for you to and take. >> All right. Okay. So, so I'll I'll I'll take that everybody just you didn't may not have heard. All right. And I'll take one more comment and then no more and then we'll take questions at the end. All right. Um because again somebody came up to me and said I'm taking too many questions and I thought I wasn't. All right. So anyway, I'll come to you back. Um you're saying that he believes this whole tahalik is creates god maneuvered but why does he feel that in that taleik he is now supposed to not tell the brothers I'm I'm Yseph what in other words at this moment he is determining what he believes to be God's talik and what is he doing I'm going to make it come true well can make it come True. Maybe maybe I'm supposed to when I see my brother say, "Hey guys, you know what? Who I am? Maybe I don't know." Right? So that's that's where I find the weakness in these these approaches. Who who said you should make it come true? Right. You can believe it. That's what makes him great. But right, one more comment. >> It also doesn't answer the question of why he uh didn't uh >> Okay, very good. I should have made it clearer. He is he he feels that in order to make it come true both dreams have to come true. In other words, first the brother has to come and then eventually the father has to come. And he's not going to reveal himself right away until he maneuvers things so that the first dream comes true and Binyamin is brought down and he sees the only way to have that happen. believes is to embark on this this process and and that's that's the explanation. Now let's take a look okay at the end. Yeah. All right. What >> I can't [snorts] completely accept the fact that he believes this that it's his job because his mother's not in the picture. >> Right. According to the second dream that's right that there it said will I and your mother. So the rabbis say that it means that the servant who was taking the place of the mother is now like the mother. All right. But but yes. All right. There are now let's take a look. If you turn to page two, we're going to take a look at Raviakov Maidan and at Ravo Bin both of whom are major figures in the religious Zionist community as educators. Now we'll take Ra Yakov Midan first because he he goes similar to the Ramban and it's page number two. All right. I page number two. I I don't I just have their names and and I'm I don't I didn't write anything about what they say. Raviano Maidan says the following and other classical commentaries say. He says to make to make it to simplify, Yoseph wants the brothers to do chua. Yoseph wants the brothers to repent and he believes that it's his responsibility to bring them to the point of such repentance and that's what he sets out to do and it happens right that's exactly what happens. What happens is what the Rambam will say what's the best kind of chuva to find yourself in the same circumstances that you were in when you sinned and not sin this time right so therefore he puts them in a position where he's going to take Bin Yammen and they have to stand up for him right it's as if Binyammen's in the pit so he's embarking on a process to bring you to that bring to that point again we have the question well who made you put you in charge of bringing them to repentance So Rafo Hirsh has a beautiful beautiful twist on this. He says it's not just he wants to bring them to Chuva. Yoseph desperately wants the family to be whole. If he reveals himself now the brothers will always see themselves as the brothers who threw him in the pit. He'll always see them as the brothers who threw him in the pit. Right? and they will see him as someone that may take revenge on them as some. So what he wants to do is create a situation where they're in the same situation. They don't act that way so that not only will they show repentance, but that will heal the fractures in the family. In other words, I I don't want to look at them and see the pit. I want to look at them and see that they're standing up for Binyam. I want to look at them and see that they've changed. Now by the way uh it doesn't it doesn't really work totally the brothers right remain what remain afraid that Yoseph may still take revenge particularly after Yakov dies right so so but that is Ryakov may that is Raidan's approach raun has a uh very very radical approach his approach is that Yoseph does not contact his father because he believes or he's come to the conclusion that perhaps his father was complicit in the sale. father >> complicit in the sale >> complicit that he other words by f he his father sent him to the brothers right he knew the brothers hated him he knew the brother there was tension didn't talk about that at all and and what's point someone said to me before his point is your point which is just like it's six days for yay to get to Yakov. It's also what? Six days for Yakov to get to Yoseph. And Yoseph isn't seeing that. Yoseph, why isn't my father looking for me? Why aren't there Did you see this child poster? Whatever. Why? Why is my father allowing this to remain? And once he has that point that he he raises that question in his mind, then he begins to say, "Oh, who knows? Maybe my father wanted but you know go look back there was always one son who was outside. Maybe my father needs me outside. Maybe he needs me here. And and Yoseph therefore does not reveal himself to his father immediately because he's says maybe that's not what I'm supposed to do. Maybe my father had now and reveal himself. He reveals himself like I said when Yehuda stands up for Vinyammen. But one of the things Yehuda says in that beautiful speech is [clears throat] our father, one of our brothers disappeared and our father thinks he's dead. At that point, at that moment, Yoseph says, "Oh, I had it wrong. It's not that he's not looking for me because he doesn't want to look for me. It's that he thinks I'm dead." Once he hears that, says Raviol Benoon, that's the trigger. That's what turns him and allows him in his mind to to reveal himself to the brothers because he says how I don't feel it's not part of my father's plan. It wasn't something he wanted. Okay. Now that those are the approaches that are suggested among many others. I see someone shaking her head because he can't believe that Yakov. >> All right. Right. Right. Right. But he does he know of Eve Shamara in other words. Yeah. Look. All right. So I'm saying that is basically saying from his perception and I'm not I'm not being fair to these points of view because they really deserve much more explan says you look at the names he gives the sons his own sons. And Mina is like I I God made me forget all of my toil and my father's house, you know. So in other words, he sees it as Yoseph believing that this is a separation. He doesn't come to the conclusion that his father know thinks him dead. And and that's why all right now and and and when we read the Torah we have to and this is true in all cases we may know things that the characters don't know right in other words here we know that Yakov thinks he's dead says Yoseph doesn't know that and therefore could be now I'm going to suggest something else [clears throat] I'm going to suggest that Yoseph does not reveal himself to his brothers and his father and doesn't send a message to them. But that's the more important question. Doesn't send a message to them because he can't. Why not? Let's take a look. Let's take a look for a moment at the statement of parro when he first appoints Yoseph to be the vice viceroy. All right. What? Take a look. Roman numeral 3. What does he do? What's the first thing he does? He turns to everyone there and he says, "Wow, is there anyone you know who is better at this or who is close to God like this man?" Now he's doing that. Why? Why is he turning to everybody there? Because everybody there is going to hate Yoseph. Oh, wait a minute. He's going to be second in command. He's going to make a a a an i ify, a Hebrew, a stranger second in command. I I should be the second in command. I'm the one should should be getting this. And everyone that's there. And what he's doing by by speaking to them this way is he's making them participants in the choice. It's very smart. It's political, right? In other words, he's saying if anyone has an objection, then bring it to me now. And if you don't bring it to me now, then I'll think you agree with my choice. We'll take the questions after. All right. Or or comments after. Now, let's take a look at other aspects of this. So, number one, I believe that when he becomes viceroy, that is his most dangerous time. Right? That's what I'm suggesting because it's a palace of intrigue. We know that already. How do we know that? From the butler and the baker, right? Pyro thinks they're out to get him. So at this point, Yellow Safe is very vulnerable. Turn to the second section on page the last entry on page next to last entry on page number two. This is this is this is the point in the story. One of the steps of the mind gaming of Yoseph of his brothers. He makes them think that they've stolen the money that they gave him, right? He takes the money that they gave him and they put and they they assume that when they come back to Yoseph now for more food, what's going to happen? They're going to be p thrust into the into dungeon into the pit. Why? they because he's already accused them of being spies and now >> right now now they're kind of off him right so what so what happens no sooner do they get back to Egypt and announce that they're there Yoseph commands his men to take them to the palace and to set up a banquet the exact opposite of what they're expecting they why is this happening And in that banquet is perhaps the first case of set seating at an at an event. All right, take a look at what the Torah says. Torah says the following. Three, there were three areas. There was an area for the Iraim. Those were his brothers. There was an area for the Mitim. And there was an area for him. Why? Because the Egyptians cannot eat with any Hebrews because it's an abomination. That means they can't eat with the brothers. But who else can't they eat with? They can't eat with Yoseph. Yoseph and this is where we you see most starkly and this is something Yoseph is always the outsider in whatever place he is. He's the outsider. He somehow that's that that's the the sorrow that you feel when you hear the Yoseph story. He's never one with his brothers even even at the end because they're they still suspect him. He's not one with the Egyptians. They This is a Hebrew. I don't care if he's second in command to pyro. I'm not going to sit down and and break bread with him. Next, take a look at the next section f page two, the bottom of the page here. Yoseph has finally revealed himself to the brothers. Finally revealed himself. and he lets parro know that somehow the word gets back to the palace. All right, that's this big news. And what is the reaction of parro and his servants nisham? I'm looking at the bottom of page two. Vak nishma parro laymore. The the the news reached the house of parro to say Yoseph's brothers have come and that they were happy. They thought it was good. Parro and his servants. Now, is this a soap opera? I don't what what what what makes them feel that it's good. Yes. >> Logically speaking, now that he has family here, he's not going to be drawn away. >> Okay. >> All right. So, you're you're there are two approaches to this in the classical commentaries. One approach is what you're saying >> and that is I'll repeat it. He will now that his family is coming down to Egypt, he won't have dual loyalty anymore. They're going to be here and he won't be he won't be pulled somewhere else. So that's one approach. The other approach is well the other approach is we thought he was just this peasant slave and that's what one of the reasons we thought were so upset that he's been put in this position. Now we know that he comes from not not our kind of Yikus, right? Not not the Midstream's kind of but a reasonable family that is respected in the place where they live. So Yseph now both of those approaches point to the vulnerability that existed before, right? Before he could be accused of and was perhaps accused of dual loyalty. before they thought he was just this this peasant. So again, the the the Torah is hinting at aspects of his experience which indicate that it wasn't so rosy. Finally, the biggest example, the best example occurs on page number three. And this is really what what seals the seals the deal. Israel is about to die. His death is near. And he calls his son Yoseph. And he says, "If I found favor in your eyes, put your put your hand by my thigh and do mess. Do uh goodness and and MS and truth to me. Do not bury me in Egypt. And he's saying this just to Yoseph now. And Yseph says and and he says and continuing what Jacob says, right? Take me. I want to lie with my fathers. I want to live in the ancestral plot and I want and I want you to bring me back there. And he says Yseph says, "Okay." And then does something strange. He turns to his favorite son and he says, "I want you to swear. I want you to swear that you'll do this." And Yosph says, "Okay, I swear that I will do it." Now, put that in the back of your minds. We'll come back to that in a moment. All right. Now, then yo, then Yakov does something else. He calls all the children together, right? And he starts by saying, I want you to bury me with my parents with my ancestors right in the cave that we bought that A bought from Ephroni and in the in the tomb the the cave that is in the stay He's giving them a travel, right? He's telling them exactly where he wants to be. Where Sor that's where they buried Ara and Sor. That's where they buried Rael and right father and Leo and Rifco. That's where he buried Leo. I want you to put me in that place. And he makes it very clear why. He's saying this is a plot that we bought. This is ancestral. I want to be part of them. I want to be with them. Okay. Now, let's take a look at how Yoseph proceeds. Let's start let's let's start by asking a question. Is this an easy request from Harro? No, >> no, >> not at all. Not at all. Right. I'm going to ask you to bury you want to bury your your father in Israel. What's the matter with you? This is you don't Egypt's not good enough for you. This is a very dangerous request. So, take a look at what happens. The days of mourning for Yakov passed and apparently he was he became a a major figure in the to the Egyptians as well as to the to the Hebrews parrose spoke to the house of parro saying if you I have found favor in your eyes. Please speak to me. Speak to parro for me. What's going on? Why doesn't Yoseph just go and knock on the door of Pyro? Right? He's second in command. Second in command because he's vulnerable. If it can it can turn on a dime. This if he comes and just comes in and just asks for this, then what? Then who knows what'll happen? Who knows what'll happen to him? Who knows what'll happen to the brothers? He has to he has to politic this. So he goes to to the people around him and he says probably I'm adding you scratch my back I'll scratch yours. In other words this you want to be in my good gra you if I am in your good graces but what is more important is you want to be in my good graces. Right? And therefore please do me a favor go speak to parro for me. All right. And what and and what do what does he want them to say? What does he start with the the vow, right? The vow that Yakov made him take. He starts with that. I'm just reading the underlined sections on page four. See Lee Erits Cananan. Where do I want? Where does my father want to be buried? In the grave that he dug for himself in Erits Cananan. Oh, wait. Wait a minute. What happened to the whole the whole spiel? What uh why doesn't he say my father wants to be with his father? Because it's dangerous to say that it Yes. >> It also goes to the end. >> I'll get to that. Yes, I'll get to that. We'll talk about that in a moment. Thank you. All right. Yes. All right. So, let's go. Let's go on. What's So, so he therefore is changing Yakov's words. He's editing them because he knows that Pyro doesn't want to hear, "I want to be buried with my father and my mother and my grandfather." Pyro wants Pyro wants to hear or needs to hear that this is something his father asked for and something that what that he made him swear to do and therefore please let me let me bury my father in Aaron's cananan and what's key here and this what you're suggesting is let's think a moment and I'm I'm not an expert on this but it it's pretty apparent How did the Egyptians feel about death and their responsibility to the dead? >> Right? There was very much a death cult. Right? In other words, pyramids, all of that that basically I have to fulfill my resp. So if if a person who is now unfortunately dead made you pray, made you swear x y and z, what has to happen? You have to do it, right? And Parro has to let him do it. Parro has to allow him to do this because of the way that he's couching it. But when once again it it destroys this fairy tale image that I know I had as a kid of Yoseph just you know [clears throat] real really powerful in Egypt which he was. It's clear but untouchable right now. He's risen to a point where it's not dangerous for me. He's gone from the pit to the He's gone from the pit from the pot to the fire because right now he is very very vulnerable. So what does what does parro say? >> But take a look at the middle of that paragraph. Vom parro allay. Oh first what does he say? He says let let me bury my father in the in the he asked to be buried in a pot that he ov and I'll come back. Well, that's also very important, right? So, what does Pyro say, right? So, underscores what we're what we're saying, right? And it shows the brilliance of Jacob in making him take the vow. In other words, it's setting up. And what happens? Valuesh. So, who's going to accompany Yoseph on this trip? All of the elders of Egypt. All of the elders of Pum. Right. And they're all going to be there. Why? They want to make sure what? >> He's going to come back, right? And not only do I want to make sure that I'll let you go with your brothers, but they have to leave their son and Buck are here. They have to leave, right? The all their goods have to stay here. Very clear, very clear that Parro is afraid that Yoseph is going to run. And he's basically saying, I want him back. So what I'm suggesting is that basically Yoseph was not able to contact his father. It's just a suggestion. Anyone that he turned to, as soon as he sent them out to send the message, there was a very good chance that what would happen? they turn around and go back and tell parro and get into his good graces. There was nobody he could trust, right? There was nobody. He wasn't going to send his children because that's that if they get caught, it's dangerous. And therefore, he had no ability to do to contact his father because he was in a vulnerable position. And Yoseph realizes this and I'll show you two places where Yoseph realizes it. Number one, what does Yosef do when the brothers come, right? So, what what does he do? He he basically says parro is going to ask you what you do. All right, look at the bottom of the page. And you're going to say to him, "We were shepherds." Why are you going to say we're shepherds and cattleers? Because the Egyptians hate shepherds. and you'll end up living separately in Gan. This is the most cosmopolitan Jew. This is the the guy who succeeds in an alien world creating the first ghetto, right? That's what's happening. It's a ghetto of choice. Basically, he's saying you don't want to be what I had to be and maybe you not everyone can do what I did and certainly not all of you can do what I did. You have to stay separate. you have to maintain your identity. You have to be who you are and leave as soon as you can. And that's what happens. He goes to they go to parro and sure enough they say that and but what happens of course is unfortunately even though the stay in Egypt was meant to be temporary the Torah then says later on that the Jews actually stayed in Egypt bought land uh [clears throat] they bought land and holdings and they made it permanent and they stayed in Erits Gan bit erits Mitzim. So basically that's that's the approach I would suggest that that and and I think it's important because it it gives us an opportunity to view Yoseph differently and his situation differently and to see it in real terms as opposed to what we sort of think. But I also think a couple of other things. Number one, and this is a sobering thought. I have it down on the last page. Yoseph is still alone, right? And Yoseph stays alone throughout his life. And Yoseph stays as an outsider even after his death. Why? Because he gets the benefit of his two sons becoming. But there's no shave at Yoseph, right? So yes, it's beautiful. Yes, my two children. Well, I'm I'm getting the double portion, but my name isn't part of the part of the deal. And you have to wonder whether and what he does is he turns to his brothers and he says to them, "When you leave, take me with you." And I think he does that for two reasons. Number one, he knows that there is no Yoseph to maneuver safely to bury him in his nan now. But number two is he's begging them, I want to be part of you. I want to be with you. And I believe that that's part of what what was sad about the Yoseph story is that he stays alone in Egypt in his father's home alone. The other thing I would say is that it I believe it's very very appropriate that we are reading this learning this today. We lived in a bubble for many years. We right after the shawah it was unfashionable to be anti-semitic >> and and unfashionable to be anti-semitic after the shawah who who's going to be anti-semitic after the shawa and therefore we felt I think many of us right that we were living in a world that had changed and that we were living in a world where anti-semitism was really a thing of the past in terms of it being huge and large and that you know particularly in America things will be fine. We're good. We're great. What we're seeing is not something new. >> What we're seeing is what was always there and is just emerging. And therefore this this story of Yoseph should should be a warning to all of us that no matter how high you go and no matter how um tied in to Egyptian society you become, you're always going to be a Jew. >> You're always going to be a Jew. And that is a that be a Jew. You're always going to be a Jew. And that's the way people will look at you. That's what they'll say. And it it is it's just very real. And that's what I would want you to remember by this story. Yoseph rises to the top. He's the most cosmopolitan Jew and he still has to fear for his safety because under the surface there are very dark currents and uh one hopes that will let us know what we're supposed to do at this point.