Torah Modiin | The Desire in Teshuva | Rabbi Ezra Friedman

I would like to touch upon a subject um that actually encompasses probably every area of but has specific meaning in two areas which we will develop as we go along. I'd like to mention that I begin this year, you know, it's very special that we're learning Torah specifically on these days leading up to Yum Kipur because what many of us forget is Yom Kipur as much as a day of chuva it is it's actually matan Torah the Mosher Rabenu went up on to receive the first templates the first then of course had the unfortunate episode of and so on and so forth the maleim and he went back up again after after 40 days after they came back got yum kipper. So yum people don't realize yum keeper is also matan tora there are many themes of limra matan tora inside yum kipur so there's nothing better more to learn Torah as a a active asset and action building up towards the day of chuba um the words I'm going to mention today uh I know we have um of course those who sponsor dedicated I'd like to mention that uh five years ago and this a lot of these words are based on the words of my reb my rebi passed away his name was Goldberg one as you heard recently and he he represented the epitome of Torah an a-political just like spoke about the uniqueness of mud a person who literally wanted to teach Torah didn't matter what keeper you were what background you had where you came from how far you had to drive what subject you needed to learn he would teach Torah a lot of what I'm telling you is based on this what I want to touch upon is the idea of desire inv We have naturally many things we want. We want to be wealthy. We want to be healthy. We want to be kind. We want to be calm. And how much in our desires is realistic? How do we connect what we want to what actually happens? And not only that, but has repercussions. when I commit when I decide to of course as when a person wants to decide whether to marry or get divorced what what is needed we have mitz where we could we can we can enforce and so on and so forth so guys what is desire and then we're going to come to I guess the source of what we talk about when it comes to chuva and conversion I'd like to start off with a a v we're going to run through a lot a lot of areas of shas of I'll try to go slowly and let's try to piece by piece build upon levels of desires in the first source discusses a unique subject of gitten. A unique subject of gitten. Um, and regarding gitten, gint is a document that releases a woman. It releases or releases a a person a woman from marriage. And the Gmorrah says you have to have you have to have a get written. In order to have the get written, you have to have it written properly. It has to be a sofa. It's a whole process. So the Gmorrah says anybody is kosher to actually write a get. There is no limit of who can write a get whether they're present whether it be a child a deaf person or somebody who is mentally uh uh limited they can all write a get. And the Garra says who they're not they're not they don't have dah they don't have what's what's called the knowledge. They don't understand they don't grasp what a get is. Somebody who's a child is a cannot grasp the meaning of what a get is. Do they know do they comprehend what marriage or release of marriage actually means says that in there's an idea that if a older person who is competent is overseeing an action of a younger person or unable person that has a binding. We have that you know all the you have you have like a you walk into a store or a bank or a or or a doctor's office and you see like training like oh my god I got the training right so don't worry there's this big you know professional doctor professional lawyer he's overseeing him he'll make sure he'll do a good job don't worry you know you always you always get the trainee I remember when I was a kid I had a dentist once I went my mom my mom wanted to save money so he sent me to one of these dental schools where they have you know I was like really scared like this guy's going like you know chop my chin off or something and no there was a a dentist overseeing him making sure the trainee was doing a good job so you have a a god We have a a a a mature individual overseeing what is happening on the ground that has representation. >> That's a different that's a different concept than what we just mentioned because there the the person is overseeing it here. It's actually his correct very well said. The the truth is the example I gave is is just to but it is correct that when a child is writing it and there's somebody overseeing him doing it, it actually works. He is dot is replacing the child's that's correct. That's what that the individual is correct what you're saying that it's much moreically substantial because immish places it so so to in number two and sorry to get to brings a bunch of other examples of where works. So the to say source number two you don't need thear continues and other stuff meaning there are examples in where we find the idea that a mature person who's overseeing what's going on has repercussion right there's idea regarding that some that we have somebody who's a show and you have a person watching him oversee it the to brings Another of other areas of where we see that we don't need we have a a older person could oversee what's going on. One of the examples he gives is uh is regarding khalita. Khaled says action in which a there's a we we learned a couple parts ago that where there is a couple getting married and the husband and the husband pass away without any and there's no children there is a obligation if it's a mitzvah or not meaning it's if it's a there are two options of the mitzvah where the brother-in-law should marry the the the the the former sister-in-law it's a big issue because by law people be aware of this but according to law a person cannot marry his sister-in-law the the uniquely placed that remove that transgression in order to allow them to have or have to continue on and the talks about the option of if you don't do yum you don't do that marriage do khalita the whole I'm sure you've heard about this they put out the sandal and she puts on the sandal and so and so and the says even a can possibly do it the the question he the the toer brings khalita and then comes along two of the big decises of of the the big lon of the gen two three generations ago of and they are perplexed why does to give an example of we could give numerous examples of or other samples of of dot and so on. Now what and do is they separate a very important basis which will basically explain a lot as we're going along. There is desire and there is that I there are many where my desire what I want to do is is is irrelevant. If I work as a sh in South America and my job for whatever it might be is to sit there in this disgusting foreign country and to slot slaughter animals. I don't have to want there's no desire in doing so. I don't have to want to I could hate my job. I could stink. I don't like it. The fact I have got dot to do is enough. When somebody is writing a get when a child is writing the saf word by word he might not like to do it he might not want to do it but the fact that he has to do so is substantial. However desire is something completely different. You have to want to do a when you when I sell you a house or sell you an object or buy or ma I want to have marry or or get divorced there I need r I need desire I have to have a minimum amount of desire in order for my actions to have meaning and that act that aspect that factor of desire we cannot understand if it's present in a in a child or a deaf mute or so and so that you need but that's not an omist is not substantial. It's not worth it's it's it's useless. It's it's imper it's irrelevant when I need when the when I get these that's why the the the talk about that anything you need purchase wise you have to have desire there are require desire if I don't desire to do certain I can't do it if I don't want to sell you if I don't want to marry or divorce you it means nothing and that we can't qualify because you have to have a certain amount of maturity to have desire right there's you know the when my when my when my six-year-old daughter comes says I really want a candy right now or I don't want to go to school right now or I want this I want that I want I want to you know I want a pony what does she really she want right you know sometimes I remember you know as a parent my child I had a broken a son of 11 years old who's very attached to me and um you know his teacher you know called me once and said you know she she's so upset that you're always on you're always on the home and you're flying I'm flying sometimes the child is upset and he uses another aspect to to kind of cover up what's going on mean he wants to use another another funnel another road to find is but what does he really want he wants attention he wants he wants to feel a part of it so you have to have minimum desire in for many actions that's minimum desired kushian marriage divorce and how much desire is needed what is real desire when it comes to many actions I mean just for example the on talks about a very aspect we have in a bunch of aspects called conditions we'll about later. I can make conditions in mitzv right if a person comes to in the here forget the that if you if you come along and you're not going to make so according to certain post you can say kachma on your way to sh and even though you're going to and you're not sure you're going to make the time here in show you're not it's not going to you're not going to make the time for ka you could do it tonight so there the says you can't do mitzvah it's not dependent on desire you can only make conditions on things that are depending on your desire now the interesting that people might not be aware of. There's another level of desire. I'm going to give you a situation and tell me what you guys think. There's a guy named Joe. Joe has a brother named Robert. Robert is in serious financial difficulty. Serious financial difficulty. Is he has to he has medical bills and he has child support bills. And our friend Joe has two houses. He has two apartments in Modí. And in order to help his brother, his struggling brother Robert, he decides to sell an apartment in Modí for decent value to help his brother in his financial situation. Afterwards, Joe takes Robert to court. Joe takes I'm sorry, not Robert, Robert, his brother. Joe takes the seller to court. The person who bought his apartment says, "I want my apartment back. I didn't mean to sell it to you. Why? Because the only reason I sold my apartment was to financially help my brother. I don't want to sell my apartment. I want my apartment back. Is that a claim? That is of course not. Meaning there are levels of desire that are sufficient for many. If I decide that I actually want to do something, even though I have other values involved, that doesn't negate the desire of what I did. If I go and sign a document and I give over regardless of how much I want to do it, right? We have our ideal desires of doing many many things in right. But since I wanted to sell that apartment regardless of the financial straits of my brother, that doesn't mean I didn't want to say the apartment. and made a conscious decision of what I want to do. Interestingly enough, if you look at source number um source number five, it's very interesting. Gomorrah and this actually it's actually very unique. It's a very very interesting says from number five, I'm force if I coers someone to sell their apartment but he receives the amount that is due meaning the value I call lararseny I think in certain places. If I force you to sell an apartment and you receive the value, the is it works. Why? Because you receive even though you didn't actually want to maybe prime to sell because you you signed the document even though you were forced to do so and I put a gun to your head. I said if I'm going to blackmail you, the sale is binding. You cannot go back to court and take it. If I gave you less the value or so and so forth, that doesn't work. The Gmorrah also says that if I make you give a matana, a gift, that doesn't work. I cannot coersse you to give a gift because a gift there's it's it's it's completely based on your on your on your wanting to give right when it comes to measures we see I need minimal so I have to decide that I want to do this and then there's even a higher level I might decide that I want many many I desire many things in life but I have to deal with the reality in front of me so if I decide to stay in my apartment regardless of why I want to sell it to you it means that it works so there are levels of desire where this gets incredibly interesting and this is probably the most difficult ultic subject in modernday Israeli when a person a non-Jew decides to approach the Israeli government or the Israeli rabbanut and decides he wants to become a Jew. He wants to become Jewish. What desire is needed? How much dedication do we require in order for that conversion to be binding? In order to convert to Judaism, you need four things. Well, if you're a man, you need four. We only need three. What are the four aspect? What are the four factors are to convert? I'm sure you all know the answer. One is >> to >> and what's the fourth >> nobdash or awesome times of the give a corba. We don't have a corbin today. Soal mitzvah what does that mean? How much do I have to accept? The Gmorrah gives a a negative translation. Let's look at source number six. He comes to accept this mitzvot. A person who wants to convert who says I will accept all of Torah except for except for mikvah except for pes except for modesty and family purity he's not a convert but what qualifies what does it mean when a non-Jew says I accept I accept upon myself two I accept to perform to believe what if a certain individual accepts on theirelves but unfortunately he knows that he won't be able to he won't be able to not watch use his cell phone on chabas he tells the bi this or a person who for example have a hard time getting up for ding or have a hard time keeping certain does that is that considered a mitzvot now this question is so essential because it literally decides and defines the line between who is a Jew and who's not a Jew. This has immense repercussions. Are their children Jewish? Can they marry certain people in Judaism? Many may now is a very complicated situ. How do we accept what do we define as mitzvot? What do we decide is do I have to decide I have to accept everything and if I ever a person you ask a Jew I'm I'm gonna become a Jew but I I might speak lash does that mean he's not accepting mitzvot it seems from the garra we read in verse number six that if he says except for one thing doesn't work so he has to accept everything and do everything he has to be perfect there is a tremendous goinski the rub of vilma there are Few rabb were called postcador in the 20th century. End of 19th century there was a vitan and there was the marsham the gazinski was asked about conversion and he says a profound and incredibly controversial ruling that till this day is not clear what exactly it means. I'm going to read it a bit inside in Hebrew. We'll go over it together. Source number seven. And what my colleague Rabbi Pos was concerned about the guy that he might not keep even though even though he knows consciously that he will transgress because he's not able to. I remember I had in my home an air of yum kipper we're coming up in my home I was hosting a balcha person who was very dis Judaism lived in the midwest parents were already non-religious he really was distant from Judaism and and he told me I asked him what was the hardest thing you know he came he I he came out of left field a guy who knew nothing public school his parents are the public school he came back the it's a miracle his parents married Jews he has siblings and he came back to I said what's the hardest thing for you he said I had no problem keeping shabas I no problem you know keeping you know all the there's one thing I couldn't believe this I have a very hard time giving up shellfish >> you heard this before like I was yeah I was I was rubbing number >> they said they say lobster >> exactly I said first of all it's disgust but this like bug that sw I remember when I was a kid they used to put the the elastic bands on them I used to watch with I don't know if you had you used to watch that little like a igloo that a little aquarium right but they said it could not he could not give up shellfish he said there's nothing else that all the imitations he had a hard time giving it up and there was a convert who had approached the bin and the same question was there that they had they said they might not be able to listen they might they might need a couple of years a couple of months is that mitzvah says the if his desire is to he accepts upon himself what mitzvah mean he grasps and he really believes it he might not be able to hold himself together on every single mitzvah for a certain amount of time, he's still a convert. What's the limit? What's the line? Where do we draw the where do we draw our lines? Where where are the bounds of this? In source number eight, there's an even more even more extreme opinion the Moshe Moshe Co and the Ravifa who says even if he knows he accepts upon himself all the but there's one he doesn't accept because he knows he'll be punished and he's willing to accept that punishment he's still a G. He's still a convert. I've dealt with conversion for many many years and this azar is is a is a bomb. It's like it's like a it's like a cannonball in in B. How do you do it? What does it mean? Um, this sugak discussion had probably affected one of the most I mean I'm you're going to laugh it was way before I was born but one of the most controversial hak episodes in Israel happened in 1972 was at the time the chief the rabbi of the army was involved in a hak case. This action talk about desire and conversion. There was a brother and sister. I forget their first and last name. I think it was lang with a l or an L. There was a a hold on for a second. This is a little bit of a toughic situation. There was a family. There's a woman in Europe who had married a convert. Married a convert. And they lived happily together for for a little while. And then they broke up. But they broke up without a get. And then she continued living on with another individual. Now when you do not get divorced between a man and a woman, the woman becomes called an ish. She is prohibited to of course in times of time we would actually probably you know probably kill her. But there's a big effect on her offspring. If a woman has a child out of marriage that's called a what? >> Azer. So this woman who had married this we're call we're going to call Root Root who was with this G left her husband married another person without without getting a gift from her first husband and had two children a boy and a girl this family made aliyah they were in the army and they both were about to get married to kosher people when the Rabanoot in the n late 19 in the early 1970s did research they found that these two people were what we call mamu their mother had them out of wedlock and this was brought to every uh uh tribunal of bait in Israel. Rais went to everybody and they listen it's black and white aams there can only marry three people a g a shif there also so these these two people could not get married this went up to Bengurian Bengurian was was uh yeah Bengurin was the prime minister I know what to do what's going to happen they get married what's the question >> what standing did he have >> h >> what standing did Bengurian >> Bengurian was the boss of everybody what do you mean bring on the show >> yeah you don't hear you don't hear Paul the time when the judges actually listen to the uh >> you also don't you also don't have a time where where where politics politicians want to make decisions in in in Jewish values you know they're also Jewish they're also >> until until I was in this court the court was still >> anyways Ben got involved and every rabbi in the country said these are mamin comes along a genius a pure genius McGorin and with a snap they were not M. What was Rav Goran's claim? Listen carefully. He had proof that the first husband who was a gay returned to church within a week after converting says Gorin even though he might have said I'm the mitzvot I accept I desire to dovot. But since he goes to the church a week after it proves that when he was mitzvot it was it was worth nothing and as such his conversion is null she never got married to a Jew and her second children are kosher beautiful huh there were you know the have the big you know things like like this size against they had a whole thing and they attacked him so he said now by the way what's very ironic about this this comes what we're discussing how do we mean desire how do we how do he want to convert I want to convert Goran says no if it's a parent by the way this is a real discussion the garra says if a convert accepts upon himself to be a convert but then later decides to leave Judaism he's still a Jew he's he's called a mumar but there is a line where we have to decide this it's it's it's the most complicated decision of any rabbi in the world how do I qualify the person sitting in front of me actually wants to convert How do I qualify that they really want it? What except what is the real desire says even if he accepts but he might not be able to we're not perfect none of us are perfect that is enough desire listen carefully everyone to decide if you're a Jew or not it's groundbreaking that's what desire the high we're talking about desire and and purchasing the highest of desire to become a Jew is enough to really want you to complete it going back to ravgorin I have to make a a little bit of a Little bit of an anecdote. In 200 this I was alive for I was very much alive in 2008. My other rebihen was the head of the gear uh I want it called maraka gear or the uh gear foundation here in Israel and he had been involved in many conversions and one of the members of the betadul got together a bunch of tribunal donim and negated over 12,000 conversions and and there was a whole palm how they do that such thing now I want I want to point out that the world's attack on ravgor in 1972 too is you can't cancel a gear. How do you know? Maybe he really meant to me how can you maybe he really meant to become a mitzvot when it came to our jukeman they were able to cancel 12 10,000 g there's no problem that has a little bit of a inner contradiction but that was that one we'll get to involve it but that was the aspect how do we qualify what what what what what actually what it means where's that where's that conversion where's that aspect where does it hold what is desire so we see from the and we see from the to enter Judaism it's enough to have what's called real desire I I genuinely want to be part So I want to keep me I really want to keep but I understand I'm not perfect. May I share another conversion aspect for a moment till we have some more time. When I worked in in the Bin in the Rabanut, I had a Dian who I uh who I learned under he actually passed away about seven eight months ago. And he had a um he had a custom that when he would convert someone and he would accept them for conversion at the end of you know that there was an interview he would ask them a trick question. It it was a very you know interesting to watch. He did this because he wanted to make sure the convert felt. You know when you like you get like a 99, not 100. Like he wanted to say you're not perfect. Like there's you still a way to go. He his idea was to kind of educate the convert that although you converted and you learned and you studied and your part and you've done all the interviews and you've lasted so long, don't forget that you're still not there yet. So I it was I I remember we were converting a uh it was a very special couple. There's a couple from France, from the south of France who moved to Israel, moved to Elat and had a cleaning company. They were both like engineers in France and they moved to they got married four times Christian conservative reform civil they wanted to get married. They wanted to convert and she was acing it like every like and my kids every single braha she knew. At the end asks her what's the forb what do you say when you light your shabas? She said the braha and she and and she said so said how many candles do you light two candles. So he said how come you light two candles which is which is plural you only say abra shabbat. So she looks just turned red meaning this wasn't on the this is on the material. So she gave a whole story it was actually beautiful. She says that she had claimed that there used to be used to be in plural. That's what the used to be plural. But because there was a you could only light a decree could only light one. They brought it back to one. And when when the when changed, they could light many. They never changed it. It's completely made up. They're completely made up. Like I never heard that explained that even that we we light because that the obligation is lighting one candle. We like to connect and many other I remember once he was asking a woman on what's the braha and she said what's he said what's the for what's the again the idea was to kind of educate them that even though you think you're there you're not at the peak it wasn't wasn't such a funny custom that was that was it was done so if we see in levels of desire we see that sometimes when you desire it alone when you want to write a get you just have to do it want to show you have to do the action but when it comes to purchasing you have to have minimum desire. How much desire? Not, you know, we all we all want to be the best. We want to be the healthiest, the the most popular, the most good-looking, the most uh attentive, the most calm, most patient, the best parent. We want many things in life, but we can't aspire to everything. In conversion, it's enough to say, I want to accept the mitzvot. Just to go back to what we talked about, then how do you what's the Garra saying in source number six? If you claim at the conversion I I do not accept any basis of the of lira of putting on fillin of not shaving that is explicit. I mean that that's explicit. I'm not saying I accept it but it's difficult. I accept it but I want to you know I'm saying no to me it's not a it's not my it's not my ball game. That is not gear. Going back to and so on and so forth. What I find perplexing is if the ultimate desire in even they the the to enter the the code of Judaism to enter the deepest part of what we are as as human beings to be part of under God's chosen people. I don't have to do I don't have to expect everything. How come in Shuva doesn't work like that? If you look at source number nine in Shuva it's the opposite. It's it's extreme. He has to accept that he's going to leave the sin and he'll never do it again and he accepts it and was an aid testimony. How come to get into Judaism? How can we cha it's a game? We're going to stand in front of Hashem all of us in less than 72 hours and we're going to tell Hashem I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I will never do it again. Who are we lying to? We're going to come and it might be on on Yudhan. We're not going to be able to we're not going to hold together whether we want to or not. We're going to try our best. We're going to believe. We might change a bit, but we can't go from black to white. So, how come chuva that's defining factor is is so far from us? What is that idea of desire? How can it be that chuva seems almost un unattainable? How does that work? what desire they need to have. So mentions I'll mention this mention the as well in source number 10 there's a famous that seems to contradict what I just said about the Gmorrah says we have in in in source number 10 we have you make conditions in you can make all kinds of conditions when marrying or you know the talks about all kinds of conditions you know if I if if the sun comes up if if I if I make it to this place on time you're my wife you know weird stuff they would do So the garra says if a man says who is a Russia, he's a he's an evil person, he sins and and and he's a liar, a cheater, a liar, a stealer, awful person. If he says you're my wife that I do that, he's binding that she's his wife. Why? Now there are two perplexing questions. First of all, he didn't actually do chuva, right? The Gumar we talked about the Ram talks about doing chuva practically you know the the the confession the action the the the deep feeling he can't do that in that three in that you know third of a second where he tells his wife I want to be a wife if I'm sad and second of all where's is that real chuva is that is that possible so the learns that chuva doesn't have to be an actual action in source number won't go through we don't have much time but the in source number 11 talks about that it's sufficient to have what's called you have to actually express it. It's enough to actually just have it in your heart. Is much more complex by this. And he explains there are two aspects of chuva. This is and himself have a beautiful idea that there are two aspects of chuva. There's the kapara of chuva and then there's the the uh we we call the the the heart of chuva. If a person accepts upon himself, if we stand in front of and we really want to be a better person, we are no longer a rush to get to the dar where I re where I remake the p the vase I broke never was broken. That's an incredibly high level and that's we all can attain to and that's the highest level. exists. That is in order to change the past, you have to have such a desire. You have to really mean it. Testify that you really mean it. That means desire that is way beyond anything else. And that's even worse and different than being accepted as a Jew of the people. I could desire to be a Jew and I really mean I know I might not make it through, but I'm still a Jew. I can enter God's people. The most important, the highest desire is enough. But in Shu, I need more. However, if I really want to be a better person, it's enough like gear. It's enough like conversion. If I really want to do it, I accept upon myself. I know I might not make it, but I'm going to feel bad even worse this year when I sin as I did the year before. I'm going to I'm going to make an effort to not go in those situations. That's enough. That's that's even compares it. There there are two aspects in that a Russia has categorizations and what's called uh spiritual categorizations categories meaning a person who's a Russia cannot give testimony in a bait right a person who's a Russia evil person you can't trust him right a person who doesn't keep kosher blatantly he can't eat at his house even who says it's kosher you can't believe him he doesn't have belief in Allah but now in in shuva there's something called the essence of yipper A person who stays home and sleeps all of yipper does nothing but sleep. Okay, he still has the aspect of the essence of yipper atones for certain aspects of sin. It's still it's still sufficient. So says if a if a Russia did no chuva did nothing, can he come be an aid the day after I had kapor? No. You have atonement and you have what's called the the heart of chuva. And that's what says verse number nine. read very fast. proof of this. If we if we come to the idea, the understanding they want to be a better person, it's sufficient. That's why these days we do mitzvah. We don't do chuva. chauffear says what's the idea of chauffar we're realizing what we're coming to a spiritual point where we say we want to be a different person and we really believe it so the desire of chuva there's the ultimate desire which is the the the incredible the three actions where we and that's we want to do it but there's an aspect of chuva where we see when we really want to a person we might not make it we might have issues but we want to we really really want we have that desire that's sufficient there are levels of desired we have the desire which is basic which some don't need desire at all there's desire of wanting to basically receive what I what I give the basic the give or take there's desire of conversion where we see even a person can convert if he has the want though he might not be able to do so there's an even higher level the ultimate chuva to change the past I have to have this incredible rat zone but even That ideal of I want to be I want to be somebody else. I really believe I sit down in my heart and I want to be a better person. That is where we should all be.