The Gates of Tears have not Been Locked - Rabbi Shai Finkelstein

so what we will do today is um I'll try to analyze with you an aad like a legend in the talud that uh has a very odd ending and you ask yourself what's the lesson here what exactly do they want to convey to you and why is that have anything to do with and okay so let's see so ra son OFA says in the name of RA what does that mean so first little bit of a an introduction this is really based on the mishna the m a page and a half before that basically specified the times that the husband can basically leave the house without his wife's permission okay and one of the people on that list are according to the mishna the can leave the house which means basically what basically not being able to be intimate with their wives for 30 days without R they can leave the house and the wife cannot say hey you you are not fulfilling your kba 31 days pay up okay so that's what the mishna basically says okay so 30 days fine fine with us now however disagree with the mishna and they say no can live even for two or three years that's a that's a lot OHA so this obviously brings us to a questiona what do you mean two three years what kind of a family life you have you get married you are there for and then after the you say hi bye see you in three years okay and let's say if she's pregnant so this child will be two years old will be a toddler when the father comes back maybe will be a great punishment you know terrible two when they turn two when he gets two years old the father comes here he he's all yours so this is like this is something that we obviously need to understand and also we need to understand which is something very important we always like to bring Rabbi AKA as an example of what he went for 12 years came back he just heard his wife saying oh if he would listen to me he would go for another 12 years he went back for another 12 came after 24 years or whatever was that the same thing phenomena before RAB AKA do we know anything for example about RAB yanan Ben zakai who did the same thing or rabz orua oh so let's talk about T and T we we never heard about it it became a new phenomena and this new phenomena obviously created an issue we know K in the mishna at least according to rabz he said what 30 days what RAB was not a was so it seems to be that something happened probably at the time of RAB AKA now when we know AA lived for 120 years when he died at 135 so he start to learn when when he was 40 according to the a okay so if you take if he died at 135 he was born when 15 sorry 15 15 okay so for 40 years he was a shepherd He was a okay so that brings him to what to 55 okay so let's say 55 he left so was he the only one doing it or it was a phenomena by everyone they did it because they got some kind of a room and board in Yeshiva and they didn't have it at home or they did it in order to dedicate their lives this entire thing we are not that sure however I can tell you for sure that before Rabbi AKA I am not aware of anyone else who did something like that now why is that so important for me because when you look the first statement says what so we have an who says in the name of RAV who was RAV RAV was the talid of Ruda Ani abudi died in let's say 200 raav was his T and he went to B and he became a colleague of shm he became a r so we are talking about the beginning of the thir Century so the beginning of the thir Century already we said that this mishna that talks about only 30 days for does not exist anymore now we will allow what two three years by the way two three years not 24 12 right we talk about two three years okay so that's basically the background for the story we are not yet in the story the story is that now we know that that it was some kind of a maybe a common thing or maybe it was allowed for to live to Yesa for a period of time okay so now you ready now we start Amara now we have Raa Raa is from the fourth Century also in B he died in 352 so the common practice among test ifies that what that they accepted what says which is can live for what for two or three years okay so now the story like the story about was um a frequent uh not visitor really a frequent guest at Raa in M Raa was the Riva in mza so RI would stay with Raa and study by him he used to come every of Yip to see his wife which means what for 364 days he was absent Yip you know it's like P you know now you are coming right so he will come every of Yip now it's very interesting thear does not say that he stayed for y kipur he came of Y kipur I don't know what he did he was there for an hour three hours stayed for the entire Yip and left or just Yip okay so he used to do it now when he says he used to do it it means what that it's it's for years no no it's for years that he would leave their house leave his wife go study for 364 days unless it's a leap year and then he'll come hi I'm here [Music] okay one day the learning was so intense and so interesting that he was basically pulled into the learning and he forgot to look out at the calendar or what on his watch so his wife would anticipate by the window Ash he's coming now he's coming now he's coming very similar to what by the way who else was looking by the window's s's mom s's mom and that's where we learn theot the meot okay so she's looking and she by the way she's also sh that SRA is coming and when there is this delay so her neighbors says to her what ah he's probably having fun with the Jewish girls now right he's coming and obviously he was not so she says he's coming he's coming he's coming now obviously did not show up so she became she became like weak frustrated said one tier came down one tier was sitting in an attic learning the ceiling collapsed and he died with your okay we have here when you look at this story you say to yourself is that the lesson like what's going on here A B it seems to be that there is like a contradiction between the beginning and the end the beginning says that what the says that what that you can live for two three years this guy Ra was a lovely guy he didn't leave for two three years he left only for 364 days less than a year and he would come and see so one time he didn't so next year he'll come so it will be two years that's a b what's the lesson C when we learn a okay I'm I would write but when we learn a there are certain methods that we need to use in order to understand it like you learned t uh we learned a lot of T together and we spoke a lot about key words for example that they are being repeated few times in the narrative so you know that the tanak is trying to push you to look at that word and to know there is a meaning there or you have what we call associations sometimes you have the same word here and you have the same for example I'll give you one of the most uh famous ones when they come to um to Y to sorry toov and they told him where else it says recognize with because was the guy with a conspiracy to sell you so he got it the same so sometimes we have words that create associations aada is very similar to that and it says when you look here so let's start with the beginning third line in the middle of this paragraph okay his name was RA now I don't know if his name was RA or not no idea I will tell you that it's a very interesting name and obviously it brings the association of so you think you are going to have a story about what if I was if I would not know anything about it and the beginning is what that the can live for 2 three years and Raa says that what that that was become the common practice I would probably think that what the story will tell me about a rabbi who went for two three years and his wife when he came back told him wonderful to see you what did you learn teach your children and then after a year he will go another for another two three years I will not think that this will be the story so the story starts with ra so our expectation is what compassionate Mercy kindness sensitivity right that's Let's Build It Up This is what the author of this agat tried to do first it's good this is probably a good guy okay now there is one more thing no not one there are many things so this is one so to look at names what was his wife's name ah Anonymous does not say anything about his wife's name don't you think that it should and not from a feminist or chauvinist issues here not not about talking about that do you think it's important to have his wife's name of course we do wom no I said not from a feminist issue from the story in so only if there is something to learn from it okay so it seems to be that the focus of this SE is not about her it's about him okay so that's the don't come with assumptions okay we don't know she might be someone that she's far away from don't she just married this because her father told her when she was 11 that's what she's going to do she wanted really to marry the doctor not unus words may by other people wasn't just him yeah yeah yeah one again according to R it was a common practice among so it was not terrible agree but not with other people problem didn't come when we're not talking about the we are talking about analysis so that's try so first I'm trying to give you the methods because next time you will see a story I want you to use those methods so I don't need to teach you so we have a description of for now we don't know he's married we just know that he's what he is a dedicated student of whom of he have what is he's always there he's always there he's dwelling in the bet midash that Raa is the Rosa now there is what we call meaning coming he's always there and then he used to come to his house now he would come every now we have and that I learned from Professor Frankle you look at the A and you need to look look also at the times that are mentioned sometimes you need to look at the immediate versus long term but also about specific days so I said jokingly you're coming I would expect him to come when yeah I agree after she cleaned and prepared that's the time to come right so but you know what I'll tell tell you another one you are not allowed to learn T Yesa is closed this is the day you know it's like the Thanksgiving whatever you know you come and you can be with your wife you don't need to like to talk to her you don't need to eat there's no drink there's no nothing sit and talk to her if you want to come on Yip Y kipur is loaded with meanings it's a yov it's a semov you're allowed to drive and everything else but it's a sem this is the meal of the Y that you do when on and it's also a day that one of the most important things to do on is to do what e for sure this is a is what so you you see how the author is building up he comes because in a way this a fits in into many other aot that talks about what the bite versus the B midash There is a tension a build tension thear by the way is not oblivious to it at all to the home versus the studyo if you remember as some of you should probably on um sh the night of sh between M and Mar I spoke about H the a of H climbing on the roof and the snow came down and everything and I spoke also there about what the the tension the contrast between the beta midash that it's warm and there is fire and everything is great and the outside world when the the are totally oblivious to it same thing here to some extent little different you have the BET midash which ra loves 364 days is there and then he also has what his wife his family his home but there he goes only once a year when he comes so does he comes in order to ask for forgiveness for what he does or he does not think that he needs to ask for forgiveness what is this idea of okay we'll talk about all of that later on now next one more uh maybe there is more than one an an additional method is words that sounds the same they not identical but they sounds the same for example Mas what is masak pulled pulled over over ped for p and have Mas versus Mas which sounds similar not exactly the same Mash is to be pulled towards M at least according to Rashi it's anticipation she's looking forward to you coming so you have him being immersed in his own little world while his wife is what is w waiting and not only waiting he is used to come every AR Yip she's also used to see him every Yip and pun this AR of Y kipur he's not coming but she believes in her husband Ash Ash is's coming he's coming so it came I guess to 552 and she says Z Yip came to an end and he's not coming today it's interesting she doesn't think okay maybe something happened to him he says he's coming so he's coming dat soash dat is many things being sad being worried uh frustrated upset s whatever it is but also might be that it's a symbol for the mistrust I gave you a permission or I trust that what you come this is like almost like an unsigned contract between us Unwritten contract between us that you come every Yip and you don't show up a tear came from her eye and it's interesting one obviously understand that the author of the story was not there okay and most of the times it's what it's two you have two eyes right unless you have such control you can have only one tear from one eye this is really interesting so you have one tear from her eye and it seems to be that Ra was sitting on in an attack and the ceiling collapsed because of her crying and he and he died did that what she want I hope not oh I would say I cannot take it away totally out of the of my considerations right I don't know maybe she wanted to punish him maybe not like that but she wanted to punish him will not disagree we need to substantiate it and to show in other places that tears has such power and this is by the way you see the title is what Gates of Tears were never closed okay but we need to get there and also to understand that that's not not the only lesson in the [Music] a perfect perfect question you are as I will redefine your question what's the purpose of him coming what for what to get to what are you doing so that's what we said that maybe maybe it's about to ask forgiveness for what he did but if every year you come to ask forgiveness for what you do why do you do it again right okay so we need to understand also it says what isip it's okay okay so this is the a that's what we have okay the that's the last Source on on this uh on this uh this on this page says the following a person a husband must be very careful not to deceive his wife not to cause her any anguish because she is inclined to cry and will have tears her tears are going to what to be heard by God and God will take care of her against you deception now says from the time the was destroyed the gates of prayers are basically closed even though I will what I will cry out to Hashem and I'll will pray sat what is satam this to block put cement and the prayer cannot infiltrate into heavens and even though the gates of are closed the gates of tears are not Clos please God hear my prayer and please listen to My Cry you cannot be deaf to my tears so we see first that the power of D are incredible they are basically are the say the key for our to go in they are more powerful than yeah okay another in so says I went back and I saw all the ashim what is ashim what oppressed people very good the people are being oppressed they are crying and there is no one there to what to comfort them and only hasem can Comfort them by the way you know Kaz say that who is he talking about M because it's not their fault it's their parents' fault and no way to what to comfor them and to bring them back into society there's maybe one way but whatever basically there is no way and they cry and you can't you can't do anything about it another source the tears of is besides whom again besides a and then in the future so part of Disappearing death and anguish is what is to wipe out tears and then the last one in one of the most famous ones esav when he realized that the blessings were given to yov he start crying screaming and crying and according to the midash he had three tears one from his right eye one from his left eye and one that was hanging out from one of his eyes okay andma why do we care so the people of Israel came in front of hasem and says look this is not fair ASA had three tiar and because of those three tiers he got the domain over the entire universe don't forget in the midrashic terminology asav represents whom adom which is Christianity okay obviously the Roman Empire and all the Christian world so therefore you basically gave him domain over the entire universe we that we cry every day and every night because of all the galute obviously what you need to listen to us again again we see the power the power of TS ahu what does that mean about Torah learning we'll talk about that in 10 minutes before the tears going one more one more the power of tears as a destructive power not as a positive power you have from this in Baba uh short introduction I think we all know the story The Big about this oven that had a like a um Earth between the between the bricks and the question was if it's pure or not pure and between and says it's pure says it's not pure whatever and then rabz tried to what to prove it and he brought what the Cherub Tree moved the water got rechanneled there was a Heavenly voice that says stood on his feet and said what good wonderful and then they got really mad and rabar didn't want to listen so they excommunicate him they burned everything that he says he they burned and then they excommunicated and they ask who is going to what to tell him that he's being excommunicated so not too many volunteers and RAB says I'll go I'll go I was of his I'll go this is the story Raba came to his Rabbi RAB elzar and he was like uh dressed with black and walking like in a way that is distance from him so says to him what's going on today soab says to him rebi I think that your friends the rabbis are not friendly with you anymore does not need more than a hint to understand soar understood that what that he was excommunicated so he acted like someone was excommunicated take off your shoes sitting on the ground like a and he start crying the world the entire world was damaged third in olives third we with wheat and third with barley okay basically his tears created what created the destruction so now we can understand I'm not saying that this woman of's wife was same way like RAB elzar who was able to influence the entire world with his cry but she definitely could affect her husband okay so first and foremost what I want to do is to go back to the aada to try to understand the lessons from the aadada and then to connect it to theot of so before we see ra Papo in the p on page three let's go back to the aada so one of the questions that we ask is what's the what's the lesson from the aada and uh obviously the first lesson is don't mess with your wife okay don't cause her to have any tears because then you jeopardize your uh your life but if we are more serious I think there is something that um the a teaches us which is so valuable growth in Torah cannot be on someone else's expense that naturally was inclined for and compassion and kindness Torah did not help him to be more compassionate and sensitive exactly the opposite if you know that this is the day that she is looking forward to see you and that's what allow you to have another 364 days you should not allow yourself to what to be Mas to be attracted to another of RA tell Raa Raa I love you I'll see you in 24 hours but now I'm going home because someone there is waiting for me if you don't take it into consideration this is not considered if you don't have go home this is something very famous in the and but it was not the first one he would say if you learn to and your baby is crying and you let him cry not as a not talking about you know uh because you are so uh busy learning close the and go home close the and go home if there is a baby there's a crying baby for a reason go and attend to him this is called yes Susie well I'm not finished but go ahead you know he goes to see his wife a year this crazy time fingic for you in 2024 you about Au really way time come perod might but here you see that I mean at least they suggested that what only once a year I don't I don't I think I think that part of the Hidden criticism is that the fact that it became a common practice does not mean that it's what that it's a good practice and this is where the balance between the love for Torah and the encouragement of the rabbis go and study and everything but at the same time you lose the family and if there is no family and there is no home and there is no balance between the B midash and the bite one thing will collapse that's the ceiling the ceiling that is set on will collapse which means I think that the idea of this story is that this is not normal and I think maybe next week I'll give you the second part of that story about a different Rabbi who did something very similar but will never forget to send letters to his wife and to come more frequently okay we will maybe we'll see that because I think that's the beauty of theor sometimes they will bring stories and examples that basically teaches you to do what what not to do which is also very important I agree with you this entire story is when exactly did they have time to be together to have children to when is he and if they had children so what he shouldn't teach them Torah he should only learn by himself for how long did he do that so we have this idea of com now I would say one thing before I take questions but this is a theory with do nothing to substantiate it with but it might be we are talking a lot about the fourth century rava raava was well aware of what's going on in the cenan society around him in bav and also in the 4th Century the middle of the 4th Century for sure the Christian religion became stronger believe the beginning of the fifth century the Christian religion was adopted by the Roman Empire okay around 429 so the middle of the 4th century was already the Nim of what of the acceptance of Christianity and we know that part of Christianity is that you don't get married idea you are married to the church and how that affect Jewish society and saying ah those monks you know in order to study Bible they are what they are basically secluding themselves maybe we should do the same I think I shared with you I'm not maybe not with you maybe in a different place that even in the 13th century in England I saw a I saw a question of a couple who basically made the decision they are going to get married but they are not going to be together and this was a Christian thing they would they were Jewish the question is for a Jewish couple but they mimicked what in Christian Society they did that they got married but they will not be together but they wer observ no no nothing to do with observ there was a different question about no what I'm saying is that those Christians they all they got married but they were not together in order to keep what they think this is the way to get they were secular a religious person would not do that oh no no there were religious people in England the Jews they did exactly what the Christians did basically my point was that my point was the culture influence also the Jewish Society so now Theory not substantiated that Raa don't forget he's the Riva I have a question on Raa you see it's telling him go home close the go home what are you doing here do not so I I wanted to say that these men are not responsible because for 364 days he was learning and R just allowed him to just keep going and he wasn't satisfied just having the 364 days it was just so easy for him to take advantage of the situation and say some more and not think he was doing anything wrong because he's so immersed in Torah he actually thought he was doing the right thing otherwise he wouldn't have STV you can look at no these people that are just so self absorbed that they do things you can look at that you can look at that like that but you can also look at that in a different way that was his home RAV is in r in there's no problem yes so okay I I cannot tell you that that's wrong but I don't think that that's what the lesson of the a the lesson of the a is let's have aot on everyone okay basically he planned to come to come back onip it was just which means he gave he felt more comfortable in the B midash okay and he wanted to sit and learn Torah the lesson of the aad I understand that you have a love for Tor but you also have a commitment for someone who is waiting for you and T that does not have this kindness and sensitivity you're we are not welcome okay so now now name wrong name no it's not a wrong name it's a name that was given to him in order to create an illusion and then to see that he's that's the beauty of the a the beauty of the a is that they make up names do you know any other you know you don't know the idea but the idea is is that what that sometimes the aada will make up names I think I think we did it with RAB AA that we said that his wife's name is not Rael probably was not Rael okay we have Rael because of different things that we would like to uh uh symbolize by by her name but not not that her name was RA so the the thing is is that names that are being given are not necessarily their original names on their birth certificate it's names that was given in order to create this anticipation ah this guy is a such a kind guy compassionate guy and then you see at the end he's not that such aim and definitely no sensitivity to his wife now in the next now the connection to in the in the 18th century in Romania he has a in his book there are different um definitions and elaborations on different things from Al for cry to cry so there is time to cry when you pray to that's the time to cry when you ask for what for forgiveness for all the sins and transgressions you will pull your heart and you should have tears especially during the month of and the 10 days of repentance when the king of judgment will basically establish everything with judgment that you need to come what with tears now how do you get them I mean it's easy to get an onion and cut it right in front of your eyes before you start saying but we are not doing it so how do you how do you how do you get to to true while you are ding so it says like that first says the the level of crying it's very powerful because the it says what that after the destruction of the bet mikdash the gates of prayers were closed but not the gates of tears and they said in the so that's when open up the little and she saw and she saw says the Z who is the is entire so is is [Music] the she opened the the the little and and she saw what tears immediately create sympathy okay and that's what we do we are asking that what that when hem open up the for us he will see us crying and immediately he will have what and the students of the says what in the morning you should DAV with joy but when you D Mar you need to do it with a tears what's the sign for it at night which should be with tears and we are orphans of Orphans we have noash we have no we have nothing not only all of them but you need to what to serve god with so and tears so he says they need to be mixed together tearing eye and a joyful heart The Joy derives from what from the fact that I am ever I'm serving God I'm being summoned by the king to give me a there is nothing more joyful than knowing that I am God's servant but with bitterness and cry meaning I know that I'm God's servant but I don't know how to serve God and for that I'm crying so now it's not fake you know many of the Kim we have this joke when they start crying or like making those it says okay here you need to cry okay it's a sometimes in says okay now you need to raise your voice can you need to lower your voice we are not like that that's fake that's fake what do we do we need to really walk on ourselves and the tears will come this year I think it's much easier unfortunately it's much easier easier it's easier to cry because I think the same words we said last year okay I don't think that anyone here can just say a and move on and I don't think anyone here can Move On by saying okay so here I really don't think that we need to work too hard I do believe we need to work hard on one thing a not to be cynical and not cynical cynicism kills us all that's a b not to start getting used to the words and to to the prayers to think about it when you think about it you start to understand what what do you say and see and that really relates to our a even if you are an [Music] incredible or you are incredible learner and you are an incredible incredible b or whatever it is it's not only about us anymore we need to have sensitivity to all the babies who are crying there are Jews who don't have a home and not only that they were evacuated they saw their home being destroyed okay you have still people who they children husbands Brothers sister friend is still in Aza we have kids in the North in the South wherever else they are you don't need much but you do need concentration kavana a b and I send it to the congregation my I send this letter but to really try to accept upon ourselves it's hard especially a time of War not to look on the deficiencies of our friends rather than to see what's good by them sometimes it's hard sometimes we have people that we look at them and say m by him well there's almost nothing good there but you know what there is always something so really we need to take it into consideration and to come with a joyful heart and a tearing eye sh