Seeking Hashem as the First Step of Teshuva - Rabbi Shai Finkelstein

ER good evening everyone so uh first uh it's really it's our pleasure to have the OU with us and to partner with the OU it's a wonderful wonderful institution of Torah of and it's it's it's pretty natural to do things together so I would like to thank Rabbi Burman Rabbi sha and good friend and member Stewie H the head of the OU Israel for the partnership and for more and many many more times to do things together and to learn to together um oh I'll wait a minute till you all get their sour sheets for okay so what I would like uh to do today with you is to try to understand one word in tanak which we're going to read as part of the haa and uh also to try to understand a little bit of Hebrew and to understand how much meaning we can have in one word with different connotations different interpretations different ways of uh of thoughts about the upcoming and especially theah of so says and then we all know but the says being what does it mean so in order to understand a mil a word in Hebrew especially in tanak what we need to do is to try to look not only at the commentators which we will do not only to try to understand the unus if there is unus or which is basically but also to look at different places in tanak which also use the same word and then to see the connotation to see the interpretation and then to try to create some kind of a Harmony between all the places that we have the wordu there interpretations and what can we learn about which is really the Mitzvah of the day so let's start the tum yonatan which is the Tumi in says the [Music] following what does that mean what is from the word what is to demand to really to demand it's also to get sued that's if you have a against you so we don't want that right so want is to demand I demand that the hostages will be back so demand what is D fear it's to fear to be afraid which means for the time that you are still alive what is which means pray to in front of him the for the time that you are still what that you still stand that you are still alive so what does that mean so according to tuman it means what the says to our people says to is demand that you will have the fear of God while you are alive which means try to get into the a into the environment of being God-fearing people while you can still do it while you are still alive and then when you have this fear you can come to Hashem and pray while you still stand on two feet while you are still alive so what's the idea of demand of yourself to stop sinning because part of a sin is obviously that you do it because you have no fear from God so start have this kind of fear from God so you will not commit any sins and then you will be able to what to approach god with with prayer so that's how yonatan yanel tried to explain d the malim mayush the 19th century in Ukraine says something totally different D so go to the end of first line what does that mean this is an incredible per he says the first thing you need to do is not to let Hashem go out of your sight Hashem is in your home always and you need to always make sure that you are a dores hasem which means that you know that he is here that he's with you you don't let him go you don't let him out of your sight which means what you will never commit any sins if Hashem if you want hashem's presence and divine's presence to be with you always you can't sin now come on we're are not talking about angels we're talking about human beings so the malim also understands it and he says however even if you committed a sin that he left your house he left your premises because of your sins what does it mean t make an attempt make an effort okay pause for a second I want to share with you something I agree with you is what is to to try let's try but you know again little bit of Hebrew little bit of aramit when Yakov and isav sorry when Yakov and the angel had a struggle what's the word that the Torah used in order to describe the struggle the Torah the Torah itself what is he had a struggle he had a fight right you know what un said what is to put efforts now how can you say that a a fight a struggle is there is a beautiful R in it's not on here I just the r says that sounds very liberal like very pluralistic like very nice you don't need to there's no obligation make an effort if you can you can you can't you can't whatever it's fine all good but it's not true if we understand what as a struggle we understand the depth of the rambam chuva is a struggle today you might be very successful tomorrow you can totally fail it's a maak it's a struggle says the [Music] malim which means this is almost like a process you commit a sin if you don't commit a sin Hashem is with you you commit a sin Hashem is what with one leg out of the door what do you do when you see your best friend so to speak is about to leave the house because he was insulted what do you do you don't wait for him or to her to leave the house you try to grab them before they leave okay says what do you need to do means what while he is still there don't wait for Hashem to do what to leave the house to go to a different street because then it will become more complicated and much harder for you to get AEM back into the house if you committed a sin don't wait for tomorrow don't wait for the next day do when today but even if you committed a sin and another sin and another sin and you didn't repent not today not tomorrow and not next week and not a month from now you need to know that what that hasem would love for you to call him to seek his presence leave alone that this is a tremendous comfort for us to know that Hashem would like to have relationships with us he would like us to come and be with him and that he would like to be with us but the idea is there are really two ideas here hey we sometimes don't think about it but hasem is present in our lives in our homes and when we commit a sin we are in a way pushing God away from us but the same ability that we have so to speak to push away God from us we have the same ability to do what to bring him back to our lives it's a struggle it demands tremendous because you know that when God is really present in your life it means that your ability to do whatever you want is pretty Limited soem call AEM while you can still do it when it's easier rather than try to find him when he already left the street but it's still doable so yonatan talked about what the demand that hasem has from us and now the malim talks about a different aspect talking about what the fact that Hashem is telling you call me try to seek my presence because I don't want to leave your house I want you to try to reach out to me and bring me back so that's the Mal now take a look at the m the m says the following he says says chuva needs to be initiated from us we need to be the first one to start it which by the way is the hardest thing to do and why is it why is that the hardest thing to do to start the to initiate the process of chuva because what's the first key to start this process I'm not that great I'm not that perfect that's hard especially for people that think they are perfect you know there is a story about gold that uh she went to hear a lecture and the lecture was really good so she came to the teacher to the lecturer and she says to him professor so and so your lecture was so good it was unbelievable and he start to you know to this to do this fake humility she says to him you are not that great to be so humble okay so the thing is that's gold for you so the thing is says starts with you you need to initiate but you need to understand that by initiating the process of chuva you admit you are not as great you have deficiencies but that's the greatness the greatness is to know your deficiencies and to start working on them because then you can become really a better person so says the so you need to start you need to initiate it and then hasem will reciprocate hasem will help you out is saying something which is like by the way but it's very important you know there is a Chua between me and hem but there's also a chuva between me and my fellow friend and sometimes the other friend does not even know that I hurt him which is by the way discussion let's say I spoke about someone this someone does not know should I come and say to him hey uh ruven you know November 5th I really spoke badly about you would you forgive me is that like better not to say and then to ask for forgiveness or just to you know just try to forget about it so the M says that even if he does not know Hashem will give in his heart some kind of a that he will forgive you okay is going to help you to do if you want and that's the meaning of the which means what does it mean do everything you can in order to do CH means what what initiate this process of CHA with all your heart and all your might and then obviously abandoned all your evil doings in the 10 days of repentance this is that by itself I can spend an hour on this but I know my time the M says the following really when you think about it the T says what is it's the 10 days between and now let's be honest if you really want to have a true chuva a complete chuva 10 days is enough oh say it depends what but mostly the answer will be not it's like you know January 1st you make a decision to go to the gym if you go to the gym for 10 days would that be enough for the year no it's good for the gym if you paid your annual membership but it's not going to be good for you so the idea is is that 10 days of chva it's it's nothing a Clum says the it all begins with the process with the initiation of the process if you truly start this process even though you don't have the 10 days you have only 10 days Hashem will help you that it will stick that you will internalize it that you will basically take ownership on it and it would lead you to CH it will lead you to a complete chv so that's according to the the idea of now let's take a look at mimim that talks about yos yesh was a wonderful King he was killed from the king of Egypt went into Israel but not to fight the Israelites he went to fight if I'm not mistaken Assyria or Aram Aram or Assyria and yoshia came out and says to him don't go andon says I don't have any issues with you just let me go just a shortcut and yoshia went to fight and he was killed but before he was killed so it says he so he commanded his servants to do what please go and seek God ask God for what not only for me for the people for Yehuda because of this book we'll talk about this book in a minute because the God's rage against us is tremendous because our fathers and forefathers didn't listen to this book to perform whatever it says in that book what is he talking about okay do you know the story or just to do the story quickly story quickly okay in the time of yoshia and probably not only in the time of Yosh the Jews did not know that the Torah exists and I'm not talking about the town did not exist that really did not exist talking about the Torah they had no clue we know different Kings basically uh erased the Torah and definitely they empty the BET mikdash from T So Yosh when they did kab when they made some like house maintenance they found this Torah and they start reading from it and probably they read SE and there it says that hem will what will expel you and your king to a foreign land when Yosh heard about it he was shocked and he had no clue what to do so he says to his advisers go ahead and what isem try and seek an answer says the go and ask the prophets about me and about the people here in meaning Yos is traumatized they open up the book it's like almost like okay the gry you pick up like a a verse and it says something he open up the Torah and it says what will expel you and your king so he's traumatized and as part of the trauma he says go ahead andem now if that's true the idea of D gets now a different understanding do you sayaka if you don't I'm not going to punish you or something like that everyone here says faka anyone who is a here who says that you need to be careful don't say there's nothing against it but they don't say in one of the sentences there you say something beautiful you say what is what is I'm I'm astonished I don't know what to do do with myself how could I bring myself to a point that I am such a sinner do you know those moments in life that you think about your life you think about what you did and you you like how could I do that this is a you don't know what I'm talking about right but other people yenim someone else not us they have those moments in life when you look at your life and you say to yourself I cannot believe I didn't talk to my brother I didn't talk to my sister I didn't talk to my friend for 40 years and for what or I allowed myself to be in such a shape how could I do that to myself spiritually there is the same thing you look at yourself in the mirror and for one time this mirror does not say that you are the prettiest lady on earth and then there is a shock and from that shock you need to go through some kind of a process of a shock a trauma to start seeking God not that you are looking for that trauma but when it comes take advantage take the the trauma as as an engine as a motivation to encourage you to be a better person which obviously is very relevant to what we had to go through this year so that's with theim there is another in that talks about yes in says learn well [Music] so what does it [Music] mean so says what is to investigate to really immerse yourself in the subject in order to know how to judge and especially you need to analyze the Judgment when it comes to what to the orphan to the Widow and why because there are those are the people who are weak in society so people like to just judge them quickly without really taking the time so says yes exactly the opposite analyze it if that's true we have another interpretation to investigate analyze your Deeds analyze what you do and what you don't do we call it soul searching but it requires time sit with yourself investigate it and when I say don't only investigate what you did wrong and what you can do also investigate and analyze Define for yourself what kind of future relationship you would like with hasem what is realistic what is not realistic one of the things that happens to most of us is that we go on inip and we make all those promises we are going to finish sh in three months we are going to f finish tanak in week and a half we are going to give millions of dollars fora and what else we are going to volunteer at katif for lce and then the day after Ros what do we have me this year we have Shabbat cha we can't go katif Sunday we also can't go it's right and then it's Monday and Monday you need to prepare for sud so yeah you understand where it's going so all those promises that which were unrealistic will go nowhere and then we will get frustrated with ourselves we're going to lose faith in ourselves and that's obviously going to lead to despair have one goal you can quote me one goal in mind that this year I'm going to be and I'm going to do it and I'm going to be a better person at least in this one specific area than I was last year one just one and stick with it until the end of the if you can do two that ask your local Rabbi if you can do two if you can add one if it's not Balto one do one after a year you will be able to do three but stick to one so that's the and then we have another in it says what does it mean we understand ask for his face which is his divine presence always but what does it mean says the malim again you get points for the searching as I said before chv is not CH is not a one-time deal chuv is a process chuva is a process that starts when you initiate it and it ends when the last breath that you take that's the process of chuva and you know what it might be that you will never find it but the process is very important and I think that this malbim is is really unbelievable the main goal in your walking relationship with Hashem is about what the process of always looking for him always seeking his presence even though as we all know you always always running towards him and in a way as the rambam says inim more you know about him more you know that you know nothing about him you run towards and then you run back the idea of the malbim is really an amazing idea it's an idea that even if you don't finish the process you don't complete it the process itself is valuable and then we will end with one more and then I'll sum it up the says in per talks about and he says what does it mean says how do we know that we commemorate the destruction of the mikdash that we do something to remember the destruction of bet mikdash so says because the says do you know why you have an unpainted little place in your house do you know why you have H why do we break a a cup after every wedding why do we uh put ashes on in order to fulfill which means what is from here you learn that what that you need to do something to remember it so what does it mean based on that again if dores means what that you need to do something to remind yourself about so what is remind to yourself make something that will you will remember that you need to do something today to be connected to hem every day do something then says the raan and with that I will end in it says hem is going to choose this place that he's going to place his name there again what does it mean says the r when you will come from far away you will ask where is the house of God and you will say to each other yov let us all go and Ascend to the Mountain of God to the house of of yov which when it says it means what ask with a for with a prophet try to find the place to build the BET mikdash should you wait until the prophet the Nai says to you where is the place for the BET mikdash which means what try to find it by yourself first and after that the Nai will tell you this is the place this ramban is probably the most modern Orthodox that you can get don't wait for the Nai to tell you to go back to ton and to find the place of beta mikdash you go ahead and do it and after that the navi will tell you if that was the right place and if it was not you will get points for the process so what is oh that's a complicated answer we have a variety of opinions we have from the idea that God demands something from us or that God tells us that we need to believe in ourself and we need to initiate the process and he will re reciprocate or the idea of that we need to seek God and not let him go of our sight or we need to understand that even if we sinned to the extent that he left we he is interested in us seeking his presence or to make a constant reminder to ourselves that Hashem is really interested in us you know we went through a difficult year you know we are here sitting and learning Torah do you hear the sounds from the outside it's a hav to bring the hostages back they also have a call Yakov we learn Torah and they demonstrate and we all we are allim we demand here that our Torah will be heard they demand that their voice will heard and it's the same voice it's the call Tor that we have it's the call that we have as people and it's also yes it is not only the call but also the the sword that we need to hold we went through a difficult year we are still facing difficult times but I hope that uh the idea of the idea that God wants us to seek his presence that hasem wants to be with us will give us a and we will have sh to all of you and to all is the and those who were killed butchered slaughtered will be able to be buried in K Israel that hem will heal all the will heal all the not only the bodies but also the souls and will bring a G and everyone will recognize God as the god of the entire universe as us asul Sha [Music]