Seeing the Good in One Another, Even When We Disagree | Rabbi Sam Shor | July 15th 2025

Last week, for those of us that were able to learn together last week, we spoke about um we basically discuss an introduction to this period of the three weeks and we spoke about numerous numerous uh ideas and things we're meant to work on during these days of three weeks. We're going to continue a little bit with that theme today and we're going to explore another very important fundamental of of Jewish life and that's the idea of judging one another favorably seeing the good in one another even when we disagree with one another. So just a little bit of a khazara we're gonna start last week we spoke about the garami any generation of any generation where the ba mikdash is not built during their days they are considered they are judged as if what the ba mikdash was destroyed in their days not that it remained destroyed but as if we were responsible for its continued status. of destruction and therefore therefore we really need to look inward during these days of the three weeks as we discussed and begin to work towards building the ba mikdash and then we looked at the garra the famous gumar that many of us know from the bi in yuma mikdashim why was the first mikdash destroyed for three the three cardinal sins Okay. Because of the three things that occurred during the time of the first B mikdash and what were those things things okay the three cardinal sins okay? Idolatry inappropriate sexual behavior and murder shedding bloodi. But what about the second B mikdash mitzvos during the time of the second B of mikdash? The Jews for the most part kept the mitzvah. They outwardly kept mitzvos and they even did towards one another. Why was it destroyed? Because despite the fact that outwardly they did they did ritual be they had conducted themselves and fulfilled the ritual requirements and even might have done for the people they cared about. There was still the presence of unwarranted hatred. And therefore we learn from this. Since the first temple was destroyed because of what? Those three cardinal sins and the second temple was destroyed because of the baseless hatred. What can we therefore learn? The baseful baseless hatred, okay, is as tragic a behavior as what? As idolatry, as inappropriate illicit sexual behavior and even murder. So what is baseless hatred and what does it mean that there was sin? We're going to come back to that question. Perhaps one of the biggest challenges of Jewish life is the idea that we learn in the mission text number three on our sheets. Okay, the third text on our sheets of receive the msur the tradition from the generations that came before them and taught us make for yourself a teacher acquire for yourself a trusted friend. Now here comes the hard part and condition yourself to judge every person favorably. Now the first two parts pretty pretty simple. Most of us have teachers in our lives. People that we respect that we that inspire us that we learn from that we call we call upon for advice and guidance. And most of us, thank God, have friends that we trust. Friends that also give us support, give us guidance when we need it, are there for us when we need them. But this last part of the Mishna, judging every single person favorably, I think it's unfortunately it's human nature often when we see people doing something that might challenge our values or that might we might find questionable at at the very least to jump to what? to jump to conclusions to automatically assume that what we're seeing with our eyes is something terrible as opposed to what giving that person the benefit of the doubt. Now in a famous famous comment to the Rambam the Rambam this is the fourth text on our sheets. He's going to explain this idea and you might find some of what the Rambam says here a little bit difficult to digest. Take a look. This is the fourth text on our sheets. What does it mean that you shall judge every single person meritoriously? The idea is if you see a person and you encounter a person and you don't know if that person is what is a good person, a decent person or a wicked person and you see him do something, okay? or say something that if you take it in one way it could be considered something good. If you interpret it another way it could be interpreted as something not even not good but bad. You have to take it as good. You have to take the good side and don't consider the possibility that it was actually something wrong. How first let's let's just review the first part of the ramen then we'll do the next part. Rahman says what that if you run you run you encounter someone that walking down the street and you don't know this person and you know this person is a decent person or or wicked person and you see him do something or you hear him say something if you interpret it one way it could be oh he did something very nice. If we interpret it another way, it could be he did something very very not nice or not good. What's the says the raom? You have to take it for the good. That's something you don't know at all. Now, here comes the hard the part that's even harder to digest. But if you have a person that's known to be a great righteous individual and he's known for he's renowned for his good deeds and you see him do something that according to your human intellect and understanding it looks pretty clearly what that it's something bad that he's engaged in. And a person can't take this and judge this as being possibly good unless it he really pushes it. If I really push it, then maybe I can come up with a fetch, okay? In terms of how I can see that what he's doing is good. Okay. Okay. And even it's a even it's a very remote possibility that it's good. Okay. It's appropriate what that we should take it to the side of good. Why? Because that person has a kazaka of being what? A sadik before. Everyone knows this person as being a sadic. And therefore, and therefore says the as long as there's some remote possibility that we could interpret this act as being having a good purpose. And you're not allowed to be the you're not allowed to what? To suspect that he's done anything bad. Okay. So that's a very challenging raam. I think it's an idea that we all probably have to struggle with and work on. And by the way, doesn't mean that after the fact the Mafreya, if it becomes known and proven that that the person was act was actually engaged in inappropriate behavior that we kind of wash our hands and say, "Oh, you know, that's not correct." No. If if there's evidence and there's a repeated ad of of a pattern of rishes, then then that person needs to face face a and and face justice. But in terms of our initial reaction, we see someone walking down the street. Okay? Our initial reaction has to be what? Our knee-jerk reaction shouldn't be to say, "Oh, what a what what what a terrible person this is or what a terrible thing they're doing." Our knee-jerk reaction has to be what? To try to see the possibility, even if it's a remote possibility to see the good. If you turn your sheets, we see Rabi of breastliff takes this even further. Okay, we saw we saw again just to to repeat what the Ram said. The Ram said it starts with a scenario where you don't know if a person's a good person of their a righteous person or a wicked person. Okay, in that scenario you have to what? Doesn't matter. You have to judge judge them favorably. And if you know that person is a is a is a sadic, then even more so. There's a that we have to judge them favorably. But what about a Russia? What about someone who's actually known to be a Russia? So take a look at what what Rabbi Nakman says the top of the second side da by when Rabbi Nakman uses the word da which means no. He means know with certainty. Okay. And we're going to learn two pieces of rabbi that use that word together today. And anytime it appears in marbin uses that word da means know for certain. Know with certainty, know with certainty that you must judge every person meritoriously. Even someone who's known to be what? A complete Russia. You have to search high and low. literally search deeply in order to find some spark of goodness because in that little place where you see that little spark of goodness, he's not really a Russia. And through this, by you finding that little bit of good and judging him favorably, what have you done? You've lifted him up literally to the side of good because what you've recognized is that something that maybe no one else recognized. Okay? Up till now every say this guy is a terrible person but you're able to fi look deep and find some spark of goodness. So through that number one you've identified that he has some spark of goodness and more than that and you through that by you being able to see the good in him and and identify that good and maybe maybe encourage that good to become manifest you have the capacity what to enable him to do chuva. Okay. By the way, many of us have learned together um a beautiful Torah from the Belzerbi. The Belzerbi on the Seder night talks about the Russia, the proverbial second son in in the Hagada, right? And the the the one of the things that we do in our reply to the Russia is we're told which literally means what? Push forth or blunt out his teeth. But says the belli, you could read read that interpret that a little differently. Push forth his sheen. If you look at the word rash, you you can write this down right now. Write the word rashen. Okay. If you look at the word rash, what's the inside the middle letter of the word rash? It's a sheen. Which means on the inside, the proverbial rash is a sheen. What's a sheen? It's a letter with three stems which corresponds to Abraham and Jacob says the beli on the inside that Russia is what is good on his inside in his essence he's connected to Jacob he's only ra on the outside if you take out the sheen you're left with the letters on the outside which are re and he's only raw on the outside he's rough around the edges is he's not refined on his inside. He's a shame. He's good. And that's exactly what Ra is saying here. We need to look all too often we meet people and we meet them. We have a difficult encounter with them and we want to write them off after that first encounter and say this guy's this this person's lost. There's no hope for this person. Rab tells us if we're able to to find that good, to see that little good and bring forth that little bit of good, not only does it change the way we see that person and therefore we've improved ourselves, it gives us the capacity what perhaps to have hashba on this person and encourage them to do chuva. Okay, with this as our introduction and reb got that we've learned together in the past today just because it goes with the flow this year. We're going to look over the past couple years here in in these classes. We've learned a number of agatudots, uh, rabbitic, legends, um, parables together. We're going to learn two of my favorite, and you'll recognize them if you've learned with me before because they come up over and over again when we learn together. We're learn two of my favorite together that I think are going to demonstrate um, these messages, if we look at them the right way, um, being illustrated by Kazal as well. We're going to begin with a famous story about Rebaka. Now we all know that Rebaka becomes the greatest of the Tanayim. He becomes the greatest of his generation. But how did Rebaka's life beame? What? Till he was 40 years old, he was a complete Amarit, complete ignorant shepherd. Didn't even know how to read alfbet. Okay. So unlike many people that we know, we meet people sometimes we meet people that become Bali Chuva later in life and they want to forget their life that came before them. We're going to learn a little bit from Rabbi the story of Rebeeka and Rebaka's story in his own words. So take a look at this is the the second the second source on the second side of the sheets. We learn in the name of Rabbi said when I was an when I was an uneducated field boy whoever would bring before me a Torah scholar, I would want to bite them like a donkey. Okay, we just learned about the speaking donkey, but this is a this is a this is a a a donkey that wants to bite. Omarlo Tamidv his students said to him, "Rebi Rebby, don't you mean I would bite them like a dog?" No one says, you know, like the dog, like the donkey bites, they said, like the dog bites. Don't you mean you would want you would want to bite them like a dog? He answers them, "No, I meant a donkey." Because a donkey when a donkey bites it bites and breaks bone while a dog doesn't bite and break bone. It breaks the flesh. It's a flesh wound but it doesn't break the bone. So what do we do with this gumar? At face value, it seems that what before Rabbi Aka bene was the beneficiary of a Torah education, he see he seemed to have tremendous animosity towards even anger towards right. So like most of my best material, I shared this gamarra once with my with my with my iso and my wife came up with a better gamarra and she suggests as follows. The words shauatson could be read literally as breaks bone or the word chauvat lit can be read as what breaking into the essence and listen to this idea my friends aka says when I was an amar when I didn't yet have the beneficiary was not ever yet the beneficiary of education if I met a I had such innate so for me I had such innate jealousy of those that I wanted to wanted to it came out as anger, but really it was my self-conscious saying I want to get a bite of their Torah and not a superficial flesh wound, flesh bite like a dog bite, but I want to be bite into them and be chauim. I want to taste the essence. I want to break into the essence of what limitra is all about. I don't want to something superficial just touch the flesh like a dog bite. I want to be chauim like the bite of a donkey. I want to break in and taste the essence. And my friends, how many of us in our lifetimes have met people that seemingly have a lot of anger, animosity towards towards Torah? Probably all of us have met people probably probably have some family members. We probably have, you know, neighbors that we've met that seem to have at face value have a lot of animosity towards Torah. So whenever I have such an encounter sometimes you take a step back because basher shan when you're in the midst of it the heat of the moment it's hard to do this but whenever I experience something like that I remember this gamarra I take a step back and I say you know what how do I know that this person standing before me that seems so angry that seems so turned off that seems so cynical how do I know this person doesn't have the potential to to become the next Rebi Aka. And the answer is we don't know. And therefore, just as we learned from Rebi Nakman and from the Ramb before them, we need to take a step back and not jump to conclusions and not write that person off. We need to find a way to bring that person closer. We'll take questions at the end, Bob. Okay. So, that's the first of the my two favorite Gamaras that we learned together. We're now going to learn the gamar koulen the story of Ramy Bartamry also known as Ramy Bartikuli. So Ramy our protagonist of our gamar that we're going to learn together right now is there's the personality named Ramy who's known as Ramy the son of Timarim. What's what are Timarimates? >> Dates. He's also known he has an alias. He's also known as Ramy the son of Daleim. What of Daleim? What's a deco? >> No. A decel is a palm tree that doesn't doesn't have dates. Okay. So our our pro protagonist has is known by two names. We're going to discuss the significance of those two names as we as we learn this Gamarra together. Okay. >> What a decal. So the gamarra begins then in surah. We're going to talk about two of the great Babylonian Tamudicmies, right? And centers of of learning. You have surah. They didn't eat the kaka. What's the kaka? The udder of of a cow. And what might be the shil about eating an udder of a cow? >> It produces milk. So are are you able to p to purge that udder of the kalav of the milk or not? Okay. So in surah they didn't eat the didn't eat utters but in pumad they did eat the others ramy bartamry the d who ramy baruli ramy the son of timarim who's also known as ramy the son of daleim pumadita he he lived in pumadita now pumadita they did eat the others rightapura he comes to visit yam kiper So Ramy realizes people are preparing for their pseudos before the fast. People are shuckling animals. And if they're shocking animals here in surah where they don't eat the utters, what are they doing? They're throwing out their others. Therefore, he says, I'll go up and what? >> No. It's not the other way around. >> Okay. So he said, "Therefore," he says, "What? I'll go and gather up the others and I'll eat them." And they see him doing this and they bring him before Ravista is the chief rabbi amid. They say to him, there's a tribunal, okay, in front of the chief rabbi. Okay. Why do you conduct yourself this way? So he answered them. I come from where Yehuda is the maras and there we eat the the so so what do we learn first of all that Ramy is very well aware and we knew that already because he saw that they're he realized they're all going to be throwing out the the utters. Ram is very well aware that in surah they don't eat the others but in Padisa where he comes from they do eat the others. Okay, the late don't you know that if you're a guest in someone else's community not only do you have to respect your own but you have to respect. So listen how Ramy answers them all. He says of course I do that. He says, "Therefore, I was still mocked on this that I gathered up all the others and I made my barbecue just outside the city limits and therefore I was respecting." Okay. So now what do you learn about Ramy? Not only not only was he hungry and he gathered up the the utters from the garbage, but what he knows a little Torah also, right? And then they ask they they continue with the tribunal by the way. Then they ask him what do you use for fuel ports and Rashi tells us portani are like the dried up twigs and leaves from from grape from grape vines. The deal may therefore if it's for grape vines they say well maybe how do you know that those grapes were not originally planted for what? To make sacramental wines for idolatry. Maybe they were used for Don't worry, they were all dried out. Meaning there were raisins on present on the on the branches. There were these grapes were not used for wine. They were dried out. Therefore, that doesn't satisfy them either. Maybe they were stolen. Okay, maybe you didn't have shift to use them. He said, "Don't worry. Anyone who had any claim to this has given up given up their claim to the these these these twigs." Why? Because they were covered in mold. So, let's take a stop here for a second. Ramy, also known as Ramy Bar, is a guest in Suran Arab. He goes around gathering up from the garbage theim that were discarded. He uses moldy twigs for fuel. Okay? And they're still not satisfied. They're still so agitated that he's eating that piece of meat that people discarded. Now they notice the tribunal continues. They notice that Ramy is not wearing fillain. In those days, people wore fill in all day long. What possible reason you have for not wearing fillain? He says, "I have an intestinal illness." Well, maybe because he eats food from the garbage cooked on moldy twigs, but okay. He says, "I have an intestinal illness and for me that since I'm constantly going to the bathroom all day long, I'm exempt from wearing and that doesn't satisfy them either." So now they know what else. Now they know another wrinkle about him. He's a he's a guest. He's eating from the garbage. Okay, he's sickly. And that doesn't satisfy them either. They see Ramy is not wearing sitsus late. What possible reason you have for not wearing he says I'm wearing a borrowed garment he says and that if I borrow if I'm wearing someone else's cloak it's exempted from the mitzvah for 30 days. So what do we know about this Ramy? He's apparently impoverished because he's showed up on your doorstep. An Arav Kipper, mind you. He showed up in your community. He he's a knowledgeable knowledgeable Jew, okay, who seemingly is sickly impoverished because he hasn't taken a taken a Airbnb and he's eating from the garbage and he's wearing someone else's clothing. And despite all this, and by the way, how does this end? They bring the Garra tells us they brought the next case before Rifa the next ca the next the next trial began and that's how the story ends. So what's the message here? What's the message here? So the great kasidic master he tells us that if you want to understand an agata if you want to understand a rabbitic parable sometimes the clues to understanding a parable are the chap the tractate and chapter of that tractate of which that parable appears. So this parable appears in the tractate of Kulin which are contains most of the laws of kashuts and specifically in the laws of of permissible meats and the chapter of kulin where we find much of the laws of baser bakal of the separation between meat and milk okay appear in this track in this peric in this chapter of gumar and therefore if we take's advice I'm going to suggest that the message of this garra very very powerful. This is a chapter of Gumarra that every single Jew who studies for the rabbinet to be ordained as a rabbi needs to master because it contains within it the laws of kashut and most specifically the laws of what's mapped out in this beautifully powerful rabbitic parable is a very important message and that is it's very nice that as we're focusing on all the minutia of and getting all the details straight in terms of it's very nice to keep those details in in our minds. But if we forget what the hak is really all about, if we become so focused on is this person interpreting the same way I'm interpreting haka that we meet someone on Arab young kipper who's sickly and impoverished and all we can do is attack him and question them and rush to judge them and not recognize this person is a guest in our community. It's a young he's sickly. He's impoverished. Let's invite him home to join us for our Suda. Let's invite him home to a meal. And that is the powerful muser that's encrypted in this Gamarra. And the key the last key to understanding this Gamarra is the protagonist dual names. The fact that he's got a name and he's got an he's got an alias, right? His name his name is Ramy Baramry or Ramy Bartikle. What's the difference between a tamar and a deco? A tamar is a date is a date palm tree. a tree that bears fruit while decal is a palm tree that doesn't bear fruit. The way we treat individuals, okay, who might be suffering, who might be struggling, the way we speak to them, the way we treat them can make the difference whether or not that person blossoms and becomes a tamar and bears fruit, the fruit of Torah mitzos or shalom remains a tree barren of Torah mitzos like a deco. And the proof for that, by the way, is a that we say every single shabas in the m in the in the in the in the sham of shabas. There's a that we say sadikaradic blossoms like a tamar. And if the Arizal points out if you look at the sof are those three words sadikar the last three letters of those three words what's what's the last letter in sadik kuf what's the last letter in tamar what's the last letter inra that spells korak says the Ariza korak had the potential to blossom and become a tamar for whatever reason he hasn't succeeded it's not it's a shir for another time how korak has lost but victor neo the distinguished chief rabbi of the based on this ariz he suggests that mosher raenu had it that the opportunity to bring korak closer and mosherenu spoken to korak a little bit more gently instead of being harsh and dismissive with him so this is not me this is then perhaps korak could have indeed blossomed to become a Tamar. But because in that teachable moment, in that teachable opportunity when Korak was challenging the authority of Mosha Ara, because Moshe seemingly writes him off and doesn't speak with him kindly and softly. He speaks to them kind of bluntly and harshly. Korak is lost forever. Korak doesn't blossom become a Tamar. He remains a deco. My friends, the work that we need to do during these three weeks is to really begin to take a step back when we encounter individuals that whose values seem to be in conflict with ours, whose personalities might challenge ours, who might seemingly be in total conflict to our world view. Do we jump to conclusions and jump to and rush to judge them? or do we have the capacity to take a step back and see it see things a little bit differently? I want to learn another very famous piece from Reb. Now, it's the last source on the on the second side of the first sheet. Many of you will recognize this because there's a a a famous song that's a paraphrase of what Rabbi Nakman said. It's not exactly what Rabbi Nakman said. If you take a look, this is Rebi Nakman. And again, once again, he used the word vidad. As we said in the beginning when Rabbi used the word he said it means what? Know with certainty and know with certainty that a person will inevitably have to cross and transgress a very very narrow bridge. The essential fundamental idea is shal that you shouldn't be afraid or hesitate to cross that bridge. Okay. So, what is Ra? We all know the song, right? But what is Raan teaching us here? So, again, we're I'm going to share with you I shared with you the Rashash's interpretation of the Gumar that we just learned. The Rashash is Rabbi Schmar. That's me, right? So, we're gonna we're gonna we're going to learn from the Rash once again. And turns out the Rash learns his rabbi. What's the difference between a very narrow bridge and a super highway? What's the difference? The very narrow bridge of super >> width. Okay. What else? >> Mitsus. Never mind the the physical difference. What's the mitsas? >> What? >> So So think about this. If I'm driving on a super highway, right? If I'm going on a super highway and there's and there is a and there is a car that's driving in front of me that's driving 25 miles below the speed limit and they're blasting annoying country music and maybe they're making some gestures out the window that are not so yesish as we say what do I do and in such a scenario I move to the next lane I blow right by them and I never have to see that person ever again in my life But if I'm on a narrow a very narrow bridge, you can't do that. You can't move. You can't blow past that person. You have no choice but to engage with that person. And Rabbi Nakman is saying that in life, it's inevitable. It's inevitable. We're going to meet people whose values challenge us, who may not yet see the world in the same way we see the world. And says, "Not only should shouldn't we be afraid of those opportunities, we shouldn't hesitate to embrace those opportunities, to find a way to learn from one another, to have a on the other, to have to have influence on on that friend that maybe doesn't yet have an appreciation for Torah, and find a way to cross that proverbial narrow bridge together. I want to learn one last text together to bring this all together. One second. Sorry. >> Okay, we're now going to learn as as you know my this course is typically called modern masters. This is really the first modern master and the only modern master we're going to learn from today. We learned from a lot of earlier masters. And this is a safer called Bet Aaron. The Bet Aon is the is the is the works of Rabbi Schlommo Zaman Harowitz. Rabbi Schlomma Zaman Harowitz was also known as the Pakar. He was a direct descendant of the Balento of Akadosh and he was a dian in numerous courts in Europe before before the Shawah. After the shawah he survived he came to the lower east side and became a r of on the lower east side in grand street and mosha was very much mach of him. He mosha encouraged him that he should become an admir should take on the sass of being an admore. He after all he was a direct descendant of the Bashento and this Rav only want did not want that did not want to be someone that gave out braos or or people came with fel he just wanted to teach Torah um and my father-in-law Rabbi Mosha Snow who grew up in the lower east side used to dive in as a kid in this and after the pakar passed on and was nif so his family published two beautiful volumes of his Torah one on Kumish and Khim and one on one on Perky AOS and in the back of Perky AOS also what's incredibly valuable is that we have a a detailed biography and autobiograph biographic notes of this RV's life as well as um stories of his interaction with numerous greatidic masters and great luminaries that he knew personally. Um anyways, so we're going to learn a little bit um from the safer bas today on his commentary in Pyavos on the Mishna that we all began with the of teaching us that we have to judge every single person favorably. So this is the last sheet and one should judge every single person favorably. He says at first glance the Misha could have just said what? Judge the a person favorably. Why do we need that extra word that seems superfluous that we should judge the every person or the entire person? Listen to what he says. We could explain as follows. Say for a person. Thank you. You see someone doing something something terrible one terrible thing. Okay. Don't judge him for that one terrible act. You see someone do something that's really despicable. Okay. An embarrassment. Don't judge him for that one terrible act. but rather what? See the whole picture of the person and that that whole picture has many many accomplishments and good things. And therefore, if we're able to do that and we see that one, that one terrible act, what if we see it in the picture, the scheme of the big picture, what can happen? If the guy, a person has a thousand good deeds and one misdeed, then that one misdeed is bashim. Okay, we have a principle in kashus that if you have 60 parts of something kosher versus one part of something that's not kosher, what's the it's the little part that's not kosher is bail is nullified all all that surrounds it that is kosher. Okay, so now that's the first idea that he introduces. Now he is going to introduce another idea. All right, we can explain this another way. It's not just the the average person that you have to judge favorably and there and and therefore bring him over to the side of merit just like Rabbi told us. But even what every single person even a Russia you have to judge him favorably despite the fact that he seems to be a Russia. And he says, we see this in the Marsha. And the Marsha brings a gamar in Sanhedrin. The gared says a person can't sit as a judge on this and be a member of the Sanhedrin unless he has the capacity to what? To purify a sherit. The puskin that a sherits a a rodent. Okay. A a creepy crawler can it can be purified. What does that mean? What does that mean? Someone who has the capacity what to see and judge favorably even someone who's completely impure like a sherit like a creepy crawler lean so low to find a way to see to to judge him meritoriously and to purify him. And there's a beautiful interpretation from the holy marsh in terms of what it means to judge every single Jew favorably. And then he brings together just to bring this all together one last idea. We know that our taught us anyone who's able to judge their f friend favorably, their neighbor favorably. Shayim the will be judged favorably in shamayim the heavens as well. My friends here at SO may be during these three weeks that we are able to take to heart and heed all these beautiful ideas that we learned together that we should be able when we face challenging moments when we face when we face conflict in our lives that we should be able to take a step back remove ourselves for a moment from the situation see the big picture as we discussed last week and be condition ourselves as Rabbi Nakman teaches us to seek and to find that nikuda tova, that one spark of goodness. And in so doing, not only do we have the capacity to bring that person that seems so distant and so has such animosity perhaps for Torah, not only can we bring them closer, but as we just learned from the pakarov, we we will help to guarantee that we too, please God, will be judged favorably in Shamayan. Have a great week. I could y'all had told