Reconciliation - Rabbi Ari Kahn

so I'm going to be speaking about something which I gave the title reconciliation and as is often the case when it comes to issues of chuva chuva or chuva there are so many moving parts and there so many aspects and there's so many subtitles which could be connected I'm going to do two or three sections which each one could be a separate talk I hope by the time I finish everything will be coherent and without any other introduction let's just begin you have sources or wonderful okay I could only speak in the theoretical realm then yes okay yes we have sources or no okay Sam I wasn't going to embarrass you okay so I'm GNA start I'm gonna start yeah we have something I'm GNA start talking and um hopefully this as I said will make sense the the mishna and this is a well-known mishna and and you know rabbis only say that to make people feel inadequate if they don't know a well-known mishna so I I already apologize but this this is a well-known mishna which is towards the end end of and what it articulates is that there are again according to this two different Realms of sin it says when it comes to sins which are between man and God Yer helps until the person gets and the word over here is quite important till he gets to the situation of Rito what exactly is rito how one would translate that I'm not completely sure but means a Reconciliation that's again why I chose this title edash now just pay attention to how he's reading the verse all all sins which are sins in front of God you will be cleansed so essentially he's reading the verse to tell you that yum Kipper is a day which works between man and God but it doesn't work between man and man and and I think the reason or the way we can understand this is that if you wrong someone you need to fix it with them so theoretically when a person sins what they've done is they've somehow wronged God God again as it were but when we sin against another person and again I don't want to ignore the god aspect because certainly we've wronged God as it were by not listening not obeying not doing what we've needed to do to do but on the other hand we've also harmed someone else so it's as if it again I'm overstating this but it's as if you know I hit somebody here and then I said to someone over there listen I'm really sorry but that's irrelevant for me to say to them that I'm sorry because the person that I damaged or heard or insulted or is over here so therefore to say to God oh yeah really saw what I did to them that's not really helpful because God's not the balabad very difficult thing to say that God's not the balabad God's Not the one in charge because how can you actually articulate a sentence like that but that nonetheless is really what the mission over here is is saying but again just to be more precise when we sin against another person we're also sinning against God so over here it speaks about something which is called until we get to this point of reconciliation and we'll leave the mishna at that anyone who wants to hear a more full disc discussion on this we'll have to come to my Shabbat chuaa whenever that is I think we have a whole bunch of days of rashash Shana first in Source number two we have a mission bakama and bakama deal with damages so y Yer deals with Yer Now deals with damages even if you paid back someone like you did some kind of financial damage you're not forgiven until you ask the person again for some kind of M some kind of forgiveness Sal discussed the difference between reor in one place versus m in the other place and that's something which again is obviously worthwhile and then it quotes a really interesting the verse is and again K work with this wonderful assumption that all of us know all of tanak and therefore and and so on the so on over here is absolutely again religiously is breathtaking and I don't know how any of us can possibly live up to these kinds of standards and I'm willing to consider it within contemporary situations the verse that he's quoting of course is Source number three which is regarding the story of aiik after Sarah was kidnapped and taken into captivity and taken by aiik and there was a potential sexual assault that was about to take place and then God comes to him in a dream and and threatens him terribly which by the way is a wonderful plan of God is not sure what the next step should be I would I fully approve of uh of that as the next step to completely scare anybody who's done who's wronged in any way any of our people but nonetheless he says to return This married woman because he happens to be a prophet and if he prays for you then you live and if you don't return to D you should surely know you and everything that you own or connected to or all gonna die so essentially over here you have a man who's very motivated to do chuva at this point to return that which he's taken but nonetheless he's told something really challenging you're going to have to do this into the point that you can get aam to pray for you but by the way just you do I need to spell any of this out to get to a situation that we are going to pray for people who've wronged us is something again in this kind of case is is it's hard to imagine the rambam in Source number four now again we'll delineate three different Rams one is the that's the one that follows that's damages it's different when you hurt somebody physically versus financially when you're dealing with financial sin you repay them you've paid them back the damage you've done and at that point it's fixed you took money gave back money that's it you've done what you need to do but if you've hurt someone even though you've done all the five things that tells us you need to do you have not achieved atonement even you can bring all kinds of offerings you nonetheless will not achieve atonement and he's not forgiven until the person you ask them for forgiveness and they forgive you by the way do you do you appreciate how nice the ren was just now by the way that he quoted the mishna well you don't appreciate how how how nice it was yes you do he didn't quote the P I mean just to say I'm sorry you can begrudgingly say okay okay fine I forgive you okay move on but to get to the point that the other one's going to pray for you that's a whole another level so I'm saying it's really nice that the rambam did not quote that but he could you see right you know very easily how he could have nonetheless in which is Source number five if somebody does something bad for you by the way this is again this could be group therapy somebody does something bad to you don't be quiet known when is obligated to tell the person why did you do this to me and why did you mistreat me in this particular issue it says that you should rebuke somebody again this is great somebody wrongs you tell them you've wronged me somebody hurt you tell them you've hurt me if then the person asks the you know for forgiveness then you're obligated to forgive so you again very healthy communication you've hurt me I'm sorry forgiveness by the way notice this is Hil deot this is telling us how we should be behaving and you shouldn't be cruel when the person asks you forgiveness as it says because it tells us that Abraham prayed so this is so challenging because the raham just now told us that we should have an aspiration that all of us to try to be like ainu it's not easy again I I'm going to say it again it's an aspiration we should be like aam when someone says I'm sorry again you want to do the whole thing someone hurts you you hurt me other person says I'm sorry and then you say okay I forgive you but his proof of this is because aam prayed which means that our forgiveness really sh by the way this is for us it's not because we needed to forgive them we said it but this is for us we don't want that spiritual bile in our hearts we want to get rid of this we want this to be clean we want I want to use the same word again we want to get to a point of reconciliation we want to get to a point that there's healing has taken place and whatever it was that misdeed that was spoken of which again hurt the person enough that they felt the need to articulate it that I'm able to say I'm sorry but again the verse that he quotes is what's interesting yes we need to do this all the time a gamorra quotes a verse look it up know what it is see it in context see what the message is and sometimes when the gorra quotes a verse and then the ROM doesn't quote it that's also interesting so I'm just saying in terms of methodology there there is what to pay attention to on the other hand this is our third hand now I guess like tevia and our on the other hand in h CH the ramum gets to the same concept so again H one one was dealing with money one was dealing with how we should be thinking how we should be looking at the world and the third one has to do with ch same thing that he said in in we can't be cruel that we need to have in our hearts to be people who were easy to make up with not only that we should be the kinds of people that we don't easily get angry again note the word The Sinner when The Sinner comes and asks we need to forgive again with a complete heart and a willing Soul as it were and again this is interesting because as I've already pointed out H can deal with how I my aspiration how I need to behave over here he's talking about the laws of chuva and for some reason this is really quite important in terms of how chuva takes place a person really hurt you don't bear a grudge take revenge and that's the way that Jews behave that's who we are they hold grudges forever and again saying that this is an indication of Jews that we have this willingness to to fix things and so on and and I want to pause at at this moment because I told you I had two or three different parts I want to do that was part number one part number one really is fixing things between us some of this is a nom Kipper issue it's not about a serim Chua part of this is something happened a financial misdeed took place we need to fix it and again note over there the ROM didn't go so far as to talk about praying for the other person he did speak about this in two other contexts one was well my aspiration should be as a human being and the other one when he's talking about laws of chuva where we're getting much closer now to the rambam in the same chapter Source number seven which is uh same exact area here the ROM starts talking about again M chuva he starts talking about the season of chuva the season where God is available the season where God is easier to approach and if I were to draw a parallel between again what I described as my first part and now the beginning of the second part is that maybe we need to do the same kind of thing that we need to be a little bit more accessible if somebody hurts us in order to be there to say you know I forgive you over here God is making himself accessible in this time of year is the time of it's a time of chuva and therefore we're obligated to do chuva so again I started with interpersonal and now we've moved gone to Yum Kipper time of atonement and to continue with the thought of R yum Kipper the 10 days of chuva again let's admit something in the Torah there's no 10 days of chuva in the Torah we have Rashana in the Torah we have yum Kipper in the Torah you want to tell me that there's time between them it just as easily could have been the time between yum Kipper to rashash as it was between rashash to Yumer we have no hint from the Torah at all that there's some kind of block of time which somehow un unites them nonetheless we're told in the G there is such a thing as look at the gor in Source number eight God opens up three books and I'll say this quickly I don't believe that sadic is a sadic in the bovian sense I think that sadic here means innocent versus guilty I think these are legal terms as opposed to talking about the essence of one's Soul some people are completely innocent some people are completely guilty the third book is the ones of the how do you want to call the B on him I'll say the ones that are neither innocent nor guilty the people who are innocent are written and sealed immediately for life when people are completely guilty immediately they're were in sealed for death the people who are in what do you want to call them the the ban on him how do we want to call ban on him there you go not in you have a better term for that people who people who for whatever reason have not been judged Not Innocent they're not guilty they're held in OB bance if they marit it then they're written for life if they didn't Merit it then they are written for death Rashi writes like right there it's it's 50/50 the rambam will be a little bit clearer for us in a moment but by the way the implication of what I just now read was that most of us I assume I assume right come on I assume no but sadik means innocent completely innocent what makes one innocent maybe we'll need the ROM for that but nonetheless I assume most of you are innocent you want me to go further okay most of you are sadim most of you are you're trying to rolls around you'll be written and sealed in The Book of Life which means most of you don't have to get up early for or stay up late most of you could take the day you could take the week off right then I don't even know why you don't have to go to Hash Kipper because you're already which means statistically brother if statistically like Rashi said me how many people gonna end the year exactly me come on that that that I'm just saying statistically that sounds really far-fetched yes farfetched is English right it's not for fetched it's not yish right so it it really seems unlikely that that's going to happen and therefore again theoretically this shouldn't by the way theoretically I'm Kipper is unnecessary for us nonetheless what did the r just now say the Y Kipper were all obligated to Chua that's interesting because based on this okay so now maybe you'll tell me that the ROM doesn't necessarily follow this Kamara but of course he does and that's this long quote in Source number he it's a it's it's a it's a good point it's a very good point let's look at the ROM I'm I'm not avoiding the ROM will help us a little bit the r in Source says note everybody has Merit and what's the opposite of Merit Dem merits that reminds me of elementary school that's really bad what Naomi Naomi de Merit is getting to you that that that excuse all of us have aote so the r just now said it somebody who's good is more than their bad that person isad and again I'll say I think sad means innocent what's so I'm saying this is my problem the problem is the Raam seems to tell us precise terms um we're going to skip a bit of the only thing I want to get to there is where it's bold the ram says that when it comes to being a sad being a Russia and the it's not a question of quantity it's a question of quality and he says clearly note you can have one good deed which could outweigh a lot of bad things and on the other hand you can have a situation where a person did something which is bad and it can just erase or Eclipse all kinds of good Allah just like God evaluates each person at the moment of death that God judges everybody on the holiday of R anybody who's found to be innocent is sealed for Life by the way notice the rambam doesn't write that's why I said let's wait till we get here and somebody's Wicked is sealed for death if the person then consequently did repented and if not then he's healed for death now the problem which everyone asks is if you have a year which ended at precisely someplace in the middle there are two ways there's multiple ways of breaking aai one way of breaking aai is to do more sin and now you've clarified who you are a second way of breaking a tie is to do more mitzvot now you've clarified who you are another way of breaking a tie is to do chuva and now you've clarified who you are the rambam of all those possibilities only wrote one of them IM chuva if he did chuva then he is sealed for life now were they serious before and they said I only had five minutes left yeah what time are you supposed to stop or they give me more what time but I think they CH did they update that or they didn't update that they didn't update that okay we I'm going to keep talking till people start briging in anyway 8:45 okay let's continue let's continue whatever there you go there you go leadership leadership let let's let me let me continue the this ROM is problematic there are those who would go in the direction I'm going to say right now this is very much within the world of muser even though it's not exclusively there I mean what I mean is that there are others who have said it before maybe even some midashim I'm going to start with something which is quoted by Rona and it's qu quote based upon a mid goes a bunch of people were arrested and then they uh and they're imprisoned and then somebody that kind of uh gets an Escape Route and everybody runs away because they're afraid they're going to be killed by whatever and there's one guy who sits there doesn't do anything so then the guards come in and brings in front of the king and he goes I'm going to punish you the most he goes why because you could have escaped and you didn't you you weren't even afraid of anything I you're so you're so lazy so in a certain sense he says that's the that's the benon the benon has is so much complacency that he had a way of getting out and he doesn't even try to escape that nothing bothers him at all and the lack of fear of the king is itself something which pushes him over to one side or I can say the same thing differently the F and and by the way I'm not satisfied what I'm about to say so you can tell me also you're not satisfied that the Mitzvah that one is supposed to do on yum Kipper is to do chuva and if you didn't do chuva and yum Kipper maybe you did some other nice things but you missed the you know it's like saying I I ate some matah on suokas okay eating mat is a nice thing but you need to do it in the right time that that's the thing you supposed to do during a cha specifically and you didn't get around to doing chuva it's not that you could could have broken the tie some other way now the reason I don't like this is how many people last year over yum Kipper they didn't fast they didn't do Chu they were busy guarding our people and doing other things doing ruge mitzvot and therefore what I just now suggest it sounds nice I can get away with it but it's not true which means just like the ramom said that there could be a good deed which can outweigh all kinds of other things somebody again who's out a front in Aza last jum keer somebody was out of front and doing things to protect Army Israel ring say oh but he's not in sh and fasting that's absurd so I'm just saying is I hope you all realize the absurdity of what I just now said nonetheless why did the ramam insist on Chua so the most creative answer is in Source number 13 a book which is called the ACH braa it was written by somebody named AR pich who was a student in brisk of the brisar and he came to ER became a student of the Kish he was very close with both both of them and greatness was predicted for him but he died at a very young age you see he lived from 1908 to 1942 he just died suddenly just anism or something he just died and he has a brilliant explanation he says I'll tell you why you and you can read the whole thing later he goes I'll tell you why the r r he had to do trua he says because the year have any accountants here the year is From Rashana to last day inello that's the year if you do more mitso during this time it's not going to help you because that's our next year the only thing that can change the tie that you ended last year in is if you do chuva that retroactively changes it right you you hear what I'm saying incredibly clever but it's also unfortunately probably not true give me a couple seconds and I'll tell you why you but you all understood it the the year runs from Rashana to the last day of el so therefore you ended the year as a bon and the ram writes do chuva he goes oh why did the r say chuva not do more mitzvot he goes I'll tell you why because the Year is already over the only thing that could change the previous tie retroactively is chuva a new Mitzvah is not going to help you for last year okay so that was his explan but I'll say it again I think it's brilliant R hunner in the has a on this which I also have for you here someplace which is 15 again I'm not reading it you can look at it when you want to I'm pretty convinced although people have told me I'm wrong and by the way I remember R hutner I learned in K Berlin I'm pretty convinced R hutter was talking about modern Orthodoxy but I could be wrong essentially he says as follows he goes what make somebody a sandic not that you have more mitsel than sins is that your good outweighs your bad what makes you a Russia not that you have more but your bad outweighs your good what makes you a bon that your good and your bad can't outweigh one another he says you're sitting on the fence which means it's not a question of a man's question of quality and he goes That's the kind of person you are let me say it a little bit clearer this is the kind of person that of course between Russia and yum Kipper they're going to go to shou and because that's that's but that's not going to be a change within the personality there's still going to be a Boni essentially I'll say it sharper he says you have to do chuva from your bonut you have to do Chua from being mediocre right now I use the word for Bon you have to do Chua from being mediocre and therefore doing a couple extra mitzvot now but hold it I mean when next I don't know when when winter break spring break or whatever I used to talk to my college students then uh rolls around then other things are going to happen the fact that you did a couple exit this time year did not change your bon all that it all that it indicated is that this time of year that's what you do you're a seasonal Jew so we're put we're saying is that what you need to do you need to transform from your B and as and I'll say again rutner as always it's very clever I want to however I throw out a couple of things now and I want to say something really specific and this is the third thing that I want you to get to so far between us we have to try to fix things and we have to be very kind about it when it comes to God this is the time time of year that we need to fix things specifically all year round it's possible this is the time that it's accessible and because it's so accessible it requires us to do it this time of year so the person who doesn't do Chua doesn't try to change this time of year it's as if the person didn't have a Seder on pesak or the person didn't sit in the Suka or the person didn't blow the Chau from rash this is what we need to do this time of year and therefore that is the requirement last part there's an argument you know we Jews we love to argue and there's no place we love to argue as much as sh and there's different Customs as to when you say KES laana for Tish theoretically based on the gamar by the way when when do you say Kish as soon as you see the new moon which means you can do it immediately even though ashaz wait through three days that's a little bit excessive certainly those who wait for seven days which based upon the Zohar but when it comes to Yum Kipper it comes to TI we want to wait till afterwards and therefore the Rama actually tells us this some place in Source probably should be 17 18 17 yes okay in Source 17 the Rama writes and what's the reason we need to be happy and to celebrate and after you eat something and had doll and so on good the in the be Source 18 he writes only when you're happy is when you say so and so after quoting a source for this the G writes but nonetheless what should you do he says the best thing is to do it during a sera because that one Mitzvah May tilt the whole thing and save your life now I just have to stop a little bit because now you realize the God didn't agree with anything that I said till now yes it's not a question of the and it's not a question of it's only that if you do new Mitzvah it's only can help for next year not for last year the grud just now said that no no no no doing a Mitzvah cha by the way the r himself in the very next paragraph from where we had read what we up to he said during that we get up early and we say and we give so we do all these things we increase our Jewish quotient during that time we get involved in do more more mitzvot so there's something else which is going on which leads me to read something which is cabalistic I apologize not that much I will say one thing about this that every year when they have in the the gush the the days of liud every year I get a text from somebody saying run quoted you okay R quotes me every year on this gr I read an article of his and then I contacted him and I told him you know what you were saying is actually the gro and it's a gr in a completely cabalistic obscure Place Source 19 that's a part of the I'll explain a little bit after first of all if you didn't get anything that I just now said he said the 10 days of chuva are connected to last year excuse me it it's what is that term that they use for a for what is that term they use for an embassy in terms of that that it's considered to be um ex territoria so this is ex territoria in terms of time it's it's it's fascinating but what he's saying is that these by the way first of all this could be like for those you like Scrabble you get double points during these times it's both this year and it's last year it's it's it's part of last year but he tells you why it's part of last year it's it why I want to get to the same word now that I used in the very beginning it's a Reconciliation it's a Reconciliation between the lunar year and the solar year because they're 10 days different so when if you want a full year from rashash from last year so if we were looking at the Luna year so it's the next Rashana if you're looking at the solo year when's the full year a full year is the next yum Kipper which is 10 days later so essentially what he's saying is that yeah it's good right that's why he's the vill the gone right let me and by the way don't do math for me say it's exactly this amount of the villon is sayings that these 10 days are days of reconciliation but again I want to explain what he's saying why are they reconciliation between one another because their reconciliation as far as God is concerned of the cosmos which which means you have you have the Sun and you have the moon and the moon became small but that one day everything's going to be fixed and it's it's a time of reconciliation which means what the vagon is saying is so much bigger than anything that we've said till now of course this is the time that we need to forgive one another and that's what we do before yum Kipper right it's written into the laws we go to one another we we say we're sorry we try to create reconciliation that's exactly the point it why is this time specifically lends itself to it because God built it into creation he built it into the cosmos in terms of the Sun and the Moon and therefore this is a time of fixing which means you know when we start generally think about chuva okay there's chuva between man and man the turn and God what the gruz really taking us towards is that this is a time of fixing everything and that's really the point that I want to make I mean I have a couple of other sources maybe is very similar to what the Von said he says it from his teacher and Source number 20 it's not as dramatic at all Source 21 is a p to bear this is a major source it's quoted by the Tor it's quoted by others this is the source for a lot of the customs in Kipper but one of the things that it says just to see where we begin this [Music] we're going to skip a little bit when it comes to all the nations I have permission you don't allow me to attack the Jews that's frightening God says to Satan as it were you have permission to go after the Jews only on condition that they sin and if not then you can't touch them and therefore we bribe him that's the whole idea the he's busy with his offering that we give to him far away and our somehow will be safe there's obviously a lot more to say about this and skip a little bit more is there any nation that is like the angels in heaven that they they don't have any joints in their knees they stand up that's the reason we stand up in what we see that by the Angels there's no they don't eat they don't drink therefore we also don't eat and drink just like the angels are cleansed and there's no sin there at all just like Angels they live together in peace essentially what he's saying is is that we behave on with among other things we're trying to be like Angels Angels get along Shalom who which means that there is this peace in order to have peace and to be Angelic one of the things we need to do yes you can put on white we have accustom to wear white and Kipper yes we don't eat and we don't drink absolutely but there's another thing which is included here and what's that and that is to work out all of our problems which means when it comes to yam Kipper it's not just a question like we saw in bakama oh I need to return the thing that I stole I need to apologize no here I need to create this whole unit that we live together in peace you want to say a little bit more we forgive one another we turn to God said listen I forgave all the people that hurt me how are you not forgiving us I mean that's essentially what the gorra says in Source 22 I'm anybody who's willing to look away and not to stand up on their their honor God will forgive all their sin and Rashi explains somebody who's not so quick to jump on their honor a little B more me I think he said steel third I'm not sure what then M that had chills calms down and does not look carefully but again what generates this what generates this is because we act in a forgiving way so essentially when I talked about this time as being a time of reconciliation it's a time that we try to fix things between one another it's a time that God built into the universe reconciliation it's a time that the Sun and the Moon work things out somehow and the years somehow get balanced out it's a time that we we act Angelic because apparently there's something within us which is has this capacity to be Angelic and as we forgive others God looks down and says I will forgive them because again let's think back about the standards that AB rinu gave us how could we possibly live up to these standards and maybe maybe when we look through all these sources we can ask ourselves the opposite question how can we not try to live up to these standards because if we can forgive others who even done horrific things to us and we can forgive them and we could pray for them then we say Okay God now it's your turn now you have to forgive us and you have to pray for us and you have to take us to places that we could not have imagined to have gone to or to have attained otherwise which means that as we said the M takes a day off the same that we saw that we say to the to the to go off go and you busy yourself with other things when it comes to again this time of year when it comes to the days for all of those clever answers why does the Rama say to do chuva chuva is not just a technical thing of I'm saying I'm sorry CH chuv does so much more and again it's something which is good for us maybe that's really what we saw in is that that shows that you're that shows that you're descendant of Ain that you have the ability to look aside you have the abil to be self-effacing you have the ability that somebody hurt you but they said but again they sincerely say they're sorry to say okay and they say but D for me I need it well do for them why because first of all it's right secondly it fixes things thirdly it fixes things so much beyond what we can possibly imagine and if you need a fourth thing it's built into this time of year that's how God created the universe he created the universe in a way that he doesn't have to look at us with the m he can look aside and he can bless us because we've treated one another in a way which is deserving of God treating us with kindness all ofel should be completely unified and and we all understand we were not there on October 6th that am Israel should be completely unified we should get to a point of people that we feel we HT us we can have conversations and then we can forgive them and then we can pray pray for them and we can say We Are One people and then we do that we turn to God and said look we've worked all of our things out we've worked it all out now it's your turn to work things out andm that leads us not just to Redemption that leads not just to forgiveness that leads us to Redemption [Music]