Parshat Vayigash: The Whisper of Reconciliation By Rabbi Ari Kahn

and let's that's as far as I want to get right now now a lot of us I would say all of us most of us some of us that we've leared this before and we know the midrashic background and I'm just going to say a word about the madic background and and then we'll we'll actually see some some of it inside to get some flavor of it but I'm I'm going to already make a very strong value judgment to start and and then you'll see why that everything I'm saying is completely not just Justified but is right I I know I'm not supposed to say that but but I'll say it nonetheless and that is that there's this wonderful midrashic perspective about yahud is standing up and I'm going to rip this place down I'm going to knock down the Walls he's going to channel his inner Shimon and uh you know just say a word and the whole place is coming down and uh and him and the others and and the whole thing is incredibly precarious so um we're going to look into that but I I just hope that all of us know that that's very very far from being Pat okay I'm sorry for saying that but it's very far from being sh so you can then say yeah but Rashi says it and others say it and I'll say no correct they say it so what do you want me to do you want you want me to stop now but they do they they say it's a let's take a look and try to understand and then hopefully understand the dynamic of what's taking place here but by the way I'm not exactly sure where that is don't be mad at me so he's saying oh don't be mad at me because uh I'm giving you reason to be mad at me what's the reason he mad at me that he's speaking with great anger that that Yehuda see the what's the problem the problem is that kazal see Yehuda as being a melik and Yehuda is being a melik he's acting like a melik which means who's the real melik here which you know for us it it actually takes us to a very interesting place because we're right here at this uh at this Crossroads between Yosef being the pretend King and he's not really a king when we growing up also we told he's a Viceroy I don't think any of us ever heard the word Viceroy in any other context right never heard the word Viceroy any place else Yosef is the vice Roy of I guess that makes power the Roy I don't know he makes him the vice Roy of of Egypt and but he's The Pretender he's not he's not the real he's not the real King the real king is well now you can decide is it parro or is it Yehuda and kazal have a need to say that it's Yehuda and therefore we have Yehuda acting very very Regal and very very Royal and he's slamming his fist down and he's speaking with authority and he's saying what will be and what is and uh and that's it that's the way that it is now I just have to ask you one question how much of this is our imagination or even better wishful thinking and how much of this is really what it says over here in thees which means that kazal almost can't help but uh reading Pim through eventual things which will emerge from it and I know as well as you do that at some point Yehuda will be king and it's not so far already next week yakob is going to speak about it eventually David's going to be king and we're going to have AED David who's King and we can then go on and on and on terms of theic Dynasty and as much as there is this indication from kazal that it was Tamar that helped create Yehuda as king I can just as easily make an argument in fact I can make a stronger argument that the one who actually Drew out the kingship from Yehuda was Yosef okay now the only thing and this is far more intriguing the only thing we can debate then is does he do this intentionally or does he do this as an as an unintended consequence of picking on his brothers that suddenly uh this foe emerges this formidable foe emerges this Royal Regal Yehuda emerges but entertained for the POS the possibility for a moment that may maybe it's something what Joseph absolutely wanted to take place or Also let's go back a couple of steps and say what royal Yuda which means yes he's Rashi said he's speaking to him with anger okay now is is the anger is it articulated does it come out or is it something that he's feeling inside so as I said all all of these questions I just want to leave for the moment yes rashi rashi said it if you look at had uh one of the B had one second yeah you you have then furthermore right you held you know parro gave a hard time to to Sarah and you guys suffered for that and uh you know you know don't give us a hard time don't hold us back we have to go home now our Egyptian vacation has come to an end and now we're going back and don't even think about anything else otherwise you're going to run into trouble so again very threatening not just anger identifies he quotes now there's more than one I did locate this I'll show it to you in a second the Yehuda the lion till this point we never heard Yehuda the lion yakob is going to tell us this so those words you can find in the the it's there we see that he's as a lion he comes out and attacks in what does the word means he comes in that he gets ready for war and then it brings a proof to this which doesn't concern me right now R will bold that for you says that it's leus that he comes in in order to try to make up with him third opinion is by the way these things should remind you of something we also have okay contining along the same way the next paragraph It's just in the Meda in Source number six it says it would be better ifan right ban was he was he was deaf so he screamed so loud that K can hear him in Israel okay that that's pretty good that's pretty good so you have Yuda roaring like a lion so and then it says that he's ready to fight and it says dan why because Dan is why because Dan is also called The Lion later on by mosenu you have the two lions coming together and again this is this wonderful fantasy that they're going to come in and they're going to so much anger if you look he's again he's ready to take the whole place down and it's over Egypt is over because Yehuda gets upset I'm going to ask you again so how many of you are willing to tell me yes this isot and how many of you going to say well maybe it's just a little Jewish fantasy I mean listen I I I was going to prepare for the year just by listening to old Jackie Mason and uh routines I was going to get mad I almost got mad I was going to kill them I almost killed them I mean it's wonderful but is this really what it says in theage so again hold on for me with me for a second it's interesting that in Source number seven which we may not have remembered we have the word Vash Abraham now who is abam Ving over there this is when he's told about that stor is going to be destroyed by yar s now are you willing to draw any comparison to and at this point and and what is before you look at anything else before you get confused right right before you get confused what's Aram about to do he's about to plea in front of God he's about to uh the closest of the three options that we had before were were they war is aam going to war against God again you could say that but it's really stretching it Le I mean which one is it it sounds like a is involved in some kind of again it's sometime between between and and he's trying to get God to back down from this terrible thing nonetheless in Source number eight guess what we have the same the same uh opinions what do you again with all due respect to Yehuda maybe he identifies with Yehuda what are you talking about that AB going to war against God right now it would be very dramatic to describe abam that way and then we have the again the other opinions and we have and they read this Vash the same as the other Vash now those things should remind us about when you when yov gets ready for as which is really pi and prayer right P try to make up which is the gift that he tries to give him and which which is interesting because we again I I think that it's a comparison um even though the midash says that there were three different opinions what Yehuda did in Source number 10 the he writes did all of them he's ready for and he's ready for he's ready for which I don't know what to say CU I don't know how to begin to uh read it like this so now I suggest everybody take a deep breath and uh and and and you're going to now very very calmly walk away from this mode of interpretation and you can tell me that you're absolutely Justified you can say it's kazal you can say it's Rashi you can say It's Pat and there's only going to be one problem with that and what's that it's notat and you could say to me how who are you to say it's not shot nope if you're still listening so then uh then we'll have to proceed but first if you want you can pick on the he goes according to I don't know what it is and then he quotes he goes no no is one thing and something else meaning why why does he come close that's what means to come close so he says exactly and I brought the na so you shouldn't get upset at me I mean this is clear this is you have to understand this the word Vash means he comes closer do you want to go back and read it all again as much as we want to see Yehuda the hero Yehuda going to war but love Yehuda he comes close how does he speak if you don't get it yet how does he speak he speaks in a whisper how do I know this he's very very he he defers to Y he comes close and says can I say something very very softly Yehuda is not he's not loud he's not stomping he's not screaming he's not ripping the walls down can you read the words please Yehuda is differential and he's being very very careful don't get upset what Yehuda is doing over here is he's coming and he is speaking to ysep in a way which is very very different again he's going to give an ARG argument he's going to say certain things and it's very interesting what he does say it's probably more interesting what he doesn't say he does not say a word in his speech about the trial and the events that just now took place there's not a word about the cup there's not a word about what they did there's not a word about theft all that it is is an emotional speech and not even about Benyamin it's about Yakov my father is old my father is suffering and you're increasing the suffering of my father he cannot deal with this and my f so I'm going to now ask you again if if the content of yose's speech is have compassion for my elderly father do you think he's screaming that have compassion for my elderly father how exactly do you ask someone to have compassion do you scream to someone have compassion or do you try to speak in a compassionate manner to try to get someone to have compassion which means sometimes as they say the what's this the the the the method I forgot exactly how it goes in terms of advertising sometimes the the message itself right how the message is conveyed is part of the message over here I'll say it again is of Yehuda he comes close and he's speaking softly and he's whispering in his ear I have to say something to you sidebar this is a sidebar in the trial and he say I'm going to bring up issues that have nothing to do with the trial it has nothing to do with guilt it has nothing nothing to do with anything else he goes please let's come to an understanding let's let's let's work this out you need you know you think somebody over here should be punished punish me take me let him go home to his father his father can't take this so I'm going to say it again when you realize the content of what he's saying do you really think that he's screaming and threatening him I'm going to take this whole place down do you really think that's what's going on over here and by the way if he is then why is he saying that take me instead if he's screaming and threatening I'm going to bring the whole place down we're leaving now we've had enough right say one more word and we're going to destroy the whole place why is even offering to stay behind there's no reason for that do do you understand that it it it just doesn't really work with uh with what's being said over here so again I'll say that I I know and I understand as well as everybody else does over here why it is we we explain it the way that we do and I stand the same just as well as everyone else over here how we've been taught this it just doesn't say it and again you don't want to accept my opinion on this so again look at the the a MCD look at the NV he says you know what's going on he's coming close to him he's talking to him right going to P what's going on right ysep can't hear from no it's not a question of hear hearing it's how he's [Music] speaking we still have to explain the theat of what's going on the whisper he's speaking in a way that no one else can hear and that's why it says that he's speaking in his ear he's doing in a way that no one else can hear it initially now this part we could spend a lot of time on this I don't want to spend too much time and I'm I'm going to do it a little quickly and a number of commentaries are going to go here because what what they're wondering about is something which we've observed many times and that is the negotiations are bizarre as soon as they're accused they say whoever has it will die and the rest will be slaves why are they offering that the intelligent thing should have been well if you think there's something in our bag there's something really strange going on in your Palace because last time we left there was something in our bag that we didn't put there and we take no responsibility whatsoever for anything that you find there that's what they should have said we take no responsibility to say whoever's you know whoever's bagots in should die and the rest will be slaves why should the rest be slaves so any of you who haven't read dfki recently Crime and Punishment because these are these are people that want their punishment these are people who especially in the events of the last number of months ever since they've come down to Egypt have been reminded about a really sorted event which took place in their lives and that was the sale of Yosef and why are they reminded of it well first of all going down to Egypt should have reminded them of it the other reason is that Yosef unbeknownst to them is remind right they don't know it's Yosef he's reminding them of it he's done all kinds of things to get them back to this point of remembering it by by leaving one behind and sending all the others back and sending all the others and putting money in their bags the last time they left with money in their bags and left a brother behind it was the sale of Yosef which meanso Yosef is forcing them to remember the m i mean again there's no question in my mind about this and they finally have come to this realization they're guilty they may not be guilty for stealing the cup they may not be guilty for other things but they have guilt again the articulation of whoever whoever's baggot is will die that's what yakob said when Lovin chased him down in a similar scene and went through all the bags and and he said whoever's bagots in should die so they Under Pressure speak like Yakov did those years ago but the continuation the rest will be slaves that's their invention why because they know that they deserve it and then when it comes in binyamin's bag and they say and the response is no whoever's bag you know that one will be the slave and the rest will go free and then when that one turns out to be be that makes no sense cuz he the only person here who's innocent so these negotiations are strange and they insist that no we'll all stay as slaves not just bamin and you who just counter arguments no the rest of you go so they're saying we'll stay and be slaves and he says we'll go no we want to be slaves you want to go why in the world you want to be slaves and the answer is because they deserve to be slaves so a number of people going to try to turn this into halakic or quasi halakic conversation so with that you can begin to understand the n and he says originally they say whoever's B will die which he assume so anybody who steals from a king should be put to death okay he don't like my explanation I like mine mine is that they're speaking like yov no what can I do so no so he's doing air now in Egyptian law ancient Egyptian law if you and now wants to make a deal I'll stay instead that doesn't go according to the rules only Power can do it and that's why he says no you can also do this you could you can make up the rules you are almost like a king and therefore let's change the rules over here and even though it was found in his by the way if this was really where he wanted to get to if you take the guilt out of it what he should have done initially I don't know how many of you have been involved in drug smuggling but one of the ways that you should do this is that you need a mule right the mule is the drug the one who smuggles what you should do is you should put it in someone else's bag because there therefore they have they feel no guilt because they don't know that they're carrying anything so Yehuda right away should meaning if this was his intent right away he should have said it's mine I put it in his bag and he didn't even know it was there he could have said that right away and then then it would have been on him but initially they think that they're going to finally be punished and they deserve the punishment it's only when the counter offers no you guys go and only he stays that's what made no sense to them and that's where Yehuda now wakes up and comes to these negotiations and this conclusion okay I'll stay and let them uh let the rest of them go so he he's saying that Yehuda is speaking in Egyptian and he's whispering but I love the whispering part and again he comes back this again again and he understands what does Vash means it means that he's that he's coming over and he's Whispering R who may very well have met the Sultan in Egypt as well and knows you know how you speak to leaders in Egypt and how you don't speak to them they didn't say anything that should get them all upset just coming to talking to a ruler you can't talk this way and so on and so forth who he go over here is you talking to a King you have to be careful when you're talking to a king or a ruler and again I love that just like now you see the follow that all those years later everything else everything else is R over here in the anger and and and he's going to explode and he's going to take the place down and so on and so and the lions and Kim and Don even hears it and so on and so forth no it's very nice but it's just not shot the ramban who also met Kings in his lifetime again I'm doing this with great difference with great honor and so on because you can't talk to Kings like this so again I'm I'm just going to pause there for a second and say do we understand yet what's going on here the there's there's no question that we have this wonderful fantasy of Jewish power and then we have the reality and the and for most of History I think people enjoyed reading the powerful Yehuda more so than reading the Yehuda who's very very frightened right now about what's going to take place and you see the different types of approaches over here and again the insistence of r r it's now you realize it's the ran and it's the and they all tell you no no all of the learn how to distinguish between D andat because there's aat over here and in order to get to theat I want to now point something out but but first I want to go backwards a little bit and then hopefully try to make a little bit uh of of sense of this this whole relationship and I can say the relation between ysep and the brothers on the one hand or specifically ysep and Yehuda on the other hand there has been a great deal of what we can call Action and reaction and that's why I said before was all of the reaction intended or did some of it happen but there when we get to vayan specifically we're going to get to this point of a really interesting action reaction and I I want to note I'm going to go out of order for a moment and I want to note something the kleer said is because he he thinks that this has happened earlier and then we're going to go back a little bit earlier even and you know what the question really is and maybe the question is relevant for the par and maybe the the question is relevant for today as well and that question is is that when you have dysfunctionality when you have a family which fell apart how exactly do you create Unity afterwards how exactly do people come in do do we really expect that we're going to move from hatred to love is that really you know what's going to happen or maybe there needs to be some other steps along the way but but first I want to point out something which I think is remarkable theak notices in ver 17 back on that because Kings can are in charge of life and death and he goes and I've learned it from you this is really this is where gets interesting first of all again he goes along the same thing it can't be that that this Yehuda of our fantasies is really what the PK says now this is fascinating because you could tell me he just now made this up what did he say he said that where did Yehuda again action and reaction where is yud to get this idea that he should speak softly and speak respectfully even though there's a disagreement he said he got it from yosef's sending this Emissary to go and chase them down and he doesn't he doesn't like scream from the outside you guys are under arrest and you guys are thieves and stop in your place he comes over to them and he speaks to Them Softly again did it really say it there I'm not convinced but I find it interesting that he sees the reaction of Yehuda based upon the action of ysep now personally I actually would have gone to a different action and that would have been I would have gone back to that meal that they shared cuz I I I feel that that meal is actually um it it's it's dramatic and it has to be healing as well which means again they don't know it they don't know who ysf is but they're all sitting together do we have any other time that we know of all 12 brothers sitting together maybe maybe all 12 brothers are sitting around yakov's bed when he's about to die according to kazal they're all together surrounding as they bring him to the to the funeral but now they sit together and it says as they eat and they drink and they get drunk but by the way that means that they're off guard already that means they feel comfort that means that they feel this sense of camaraderie at that moment Yosef I think took away a great deal of the anxiety that existed I'm not telling all of you to drink to deal with your anxiety everybody uh make your own choices over here make make good choices people and but but but ysep took away their anxiety ysep calmed them down yoseph had them all sitting there and they were relaxed and they were relaxed enough that their guard was down and there was a comfort and that level of comfort that existed with Yosef I can now continue towards that caker and then the cup is missing and now Yosef you know how can you behave like this you know after this this almost this I don't want to use the word friendship because it's too strong but after what just now happened how can you repay you know the decency with indecency but it's fascinating that he reads into this that there's a soft tone to it and therefore and and when they insist upon the stronger punishment by the way anybody else could have said okay you'll all go to prison why not but no you you that's not what's going to happen over here only the guilty one we're not going to behave like that and it's interesting that yehuda's reaction is seen from something that yosf does and I said that's something that I want to point out now why because you can disagree with me on this you can say especially the cleis point we don't see it we're why you making this up but there's a stronger point the stronger point is what happens afterwards and that's once we get there we're going to have a harder time ignoring and it's at that point that we're going to have to then start figuring out what's going on because this is not the only Vash the par there's another Vash and the other Vash I don't think you can really make a mistake of that when Yosef reveals right the big reveal any by the way anybody who doesn't know this you know here is a spoiler alert I just want you to know that this guy turns out to be y I apologize so in s 14 obviously they're frightened and they're scared and now tell me the T tone of voice right this is always our first line of interpretation it's a tone of voice being said how does yoseph speak pakal I don't care right now how he spoke piml I want to know how he speaks [Music] pdid that's said very softly Yu Love Now They Come Close what happens when they come close he whispers it's the same Vash this Vash is incredibly warm this is a Reconciliation this oh you know what as a first step step all that I would ask you to do is that you know it's it's been obvious all the way through even if it hasn't been obvious that we have to constantly compare Yosef and Yehuda and then then therefore you have to compare Tamar and aoar and there again all these things you have to constantly compare between the two and there's comparisons and there contrasts and who's the real king and so on and so forth but we have in this week's par vayigash we have two voses I'm sorry for that but we have two Vash we have the Vash of Yehuda which again in our fantasy and that's by the way now you realize how bad that fantasy is and what it did to us it didn't allow us to understand and the because we're so hung up on yehuda's Power and strength and who Yehuda is that we fail to notice that both of the bashes are really the same and they're both attempts at at reconciliation it's attempts at some kind of kindness again what is Yehuda asking for he's asking for please there's an old man don't let the old man suffer let's try to make a bad situation as right as it could be but he's speaking softly and he's pleading and he's appealing to his emotions and now I'm going to ask you okay so and you know what if we didn't notice something on that first he came close to him that's the way the tum translates by it's the word it's to come close don't ignore the the tarum in both the tarum is telling us that both of theashes are the same it means come close come over here and and and now I'll ask again when you tell somebody come over here what tone of voice do you use so it could be some of you you know if you abuse your children enough you can say it loudly you can saying it with anger you can say get over here that's not what's going on over here that that that's not it it is a whisper and that's why B it is a whisper that comes over and Yehuda is pleading and he's speaking again from a very deep emotional place and now again think about the action and the reaction maybe it was that meal that Yehuda sorry that Yosef had with his brothers that creates some type of camaraderie maybe as the kaker said when they're chased down and they go and and the guy speaks to them softly and doesn't humiliate and doesn't scream and doesn't embarrass them that Yehuda feels this possibility to try the same again I I find that very interesting but that's less interesting to me as much as over here when yose then says which means as as afraid as they were they could have recoiled and gone away but when he says when he says what changed again was they terrified so I'll ask you again so what tone of voice did he say it in there's no question he says in a very soft I know you're going to tell me but he said this in Hebrew and now he spoke no he spoke the previous again ignore all of that please please when you try to learn identify the tone of voice which is being said this is said with compassion and it's said with love and it's said with this attempt of reconciliation you know how I know he says G and what is their response they come close what changed they were the the previous PK they were afraid and they and they were and they were running away and now vosu sorry gushu and now they're coming close why are they coming close now because now Yosi spoke to them with this with this love with this brotherly love this this point of saying I am your brother is what they hear and you know what maybe they felt some kind of Brotherhood they felt something by that meal where they sat together maybe they felt and enough for Yehuda to to be able to okay we're not family we're not Brothers but you know what I have a father maybe you have a father maybe we could uh we could do something I don't know if I ever told you this story um I I I know a fellow who uh who was in Yeshiva with me and uh and he uh he volunteered for the Army and after he volunteered for the Army he uh again this is back in the must be the early 80s and you know in those days it was not that easy to contact one's parents we did not all have cell phones even getting to uh a pay phone was not all that easy and writing letters sometimes you know would take you a good couple of weeks but anyway he joins the Army he's there for two weeks for three weeks for a month and two months and his parents don't hear from him and his and and his parents are terrified finally his F they have no idea where to write how to contact him whatever so finally his father does something his father writes a letter to manahan Bean who who was the Prime Minister of the time and he says Mr Prime Minister I'm a father and you're a father my son is in your army I haven't heard from him in months I I'd like to know that he's okay so the next day in uh or the same day after Bean gets this letter he uh there there's a phone call that rings in the the commander of the of the base gets a gets a phone call and uh the prime minister's office on the phone so you know he gets to the phone immediately and answers yes what can I do and he said says uh do you have a soldier there by the name of uh I can't tell you the name I know the name and he says the Soldier's name and he says yes yes yes we have such a soldier and he goes can you please bring him I need to speak to him so he comes on the phone and bean says to him he goes you think I have time for you I have a country to run can you write your parents a letter I don't want to hear from your father again so he hangs up the phone and he says yes I'll do it right away and then he hangs the phone and now all the officers are waiting outside and they say uh do you know him he goes yeah of course he's a family friend and this guy never this guy was treated so nicely in the Army afterwards but like he lied through his teeth he never met Pagan and he may believe he did but this point I'm a father you're a father and you know you got to take care of my son so over here you who do could be saying to yoseph listen I'm a son I'm sure that that you have a father someplace maybe you have an elderly father and uh you know we have to have compassion we we have to make this right we have to do this better but my point is that the two yoses are the same that that that's really the point and uh if if I had to prove this I don't think I have to prove anything but if I had to prove it then I'll say it again take a look at the tarum the tarum uses the same word in uh to explain both of them um yeah the I'm not going to bother doing it if you want to you can in uh in in s number 18 that's really the he go and and also 19 they go into they try to explain all of the halakic issues about what they should have done in terms of the negotiations and what punishment was coming to them if they were Jews they were non-jews all this is very interesting but it doesn't interest me um at least not today now no I do want to go back to vayigash and coming close and so on and there was that Rashi that said you know if you do anything you know we're you know hold us F you're going to get treated just like that previous you know uh parro did I'll note that when Sarah this is a different case and I Know It that when she when AI there it says you know there was a lack of whatever means we'll we'll leave that for now and let me point at something else and then hopefully all this will make sense yes in Source 21 we're going to go back to where Rashi told us to look and you're going to say you don't know why Rashi told us to look there but there's going to be something which is going to be interesting which will emerge from this so just give me a couple seconds she was very beautiful so in bra who's beautiful Sarah is beautiful Rifka is beautiful um Ra's beautiful the cows are beautiful and ysf are is beautiful right the cows are also the fat cows described as being beautiful at least we think so in our house um right and so on we'll skip a little bit and and so that's what Rashi told us before that's it he gets struck okay why why didn't you tell me your wife and they go and they send them away good good so keep that in mind for a second and then we're going to try to make all of this connected in Source 22 we're going to see now we're continuing Yosef gives them State secrets so far we have two we had seven good years two bad Years be another five bad years right that's PK Z God has created this you know giving me you know the situation he gave us a thing and so on and so forth and I want to get to parah now as I was doing my and I had already noticed my two bashes I wondered about Goan did did we just now bump into to another Vos in terms of the root over here as being is this similar so of course none of the commentary say this but but go on to the next thing come to Goen so I hope you realize that that's a little much now because that's what that's what bash means it means to be close and he says come to Goan to be near me and at this point you hopefully will realize that it's a little much and yoseph now says and I'll take care of you I'm going to treat you like family I'll treat you like Brothers I'm going to give you food I'm going to take care of you and and so on and so forth so the staying in Goan then becomes a little more interesting and then in 23 and again afterwards comes so take a look at the p pesar and then we'll see a Zohar and then we're going to stop that's it so at least you know what else I need to do okay makes sense okay so then it fits into you know by the way that's great for pesak you know we go and tell the story so God did the story for them it made it much easier so there you go parro gets struck with plagues wonderful in order to know in the future that's GNA happen and so on and so forth that because that parro was so enamored with Sarah he wrote AA here we are deep in P territory he gave all the money so guess what he gave her he gave her ER go so belongs to Sarah she got on Thea so I I find that interesting um in Source 25 which is still the and he heard he was coming to it was interesting because we read the P just now where did he come to GNA so now this by the way drives the commentar is crazy where's Goan it's G which side of the Gul is it is it Israel or is it Egypt don't tell me it's AA I don't want to hear that now but it's it's it's it's the border so if you feel like you'll look in footnote over here it's l you want to know why it's because it's from those two places in the perar it's from the one which is in Source 24 that's the lad Al that's when he gave her Goen right is they stayed there and then the other one which is Source 25 is and if you look at these two over here you'll see that he's going to bring sources that will debate and some will argue that go right that this is part ofel and the and the Ral laa who wrote These footnotes so so he's not convinced of this but on the other hand in this other one with but it's soim like would be with Canan so therefore it becomes much more interesting exactly where is go but nonetheless Ys says this because he wants them to be close and now we can look at the Zohar so what did I do it's obvious what I did I looked all over for somebody who's going to tell me that that Goan is the same as the as the others that it means to come close right if you need the right the Two Worlds moving towards reconciliation to become one this is like the of the two trees of coming together the the and coming that's what the Z is reading over here it's reading by Vash the Z is not going the same way of all of those commentaries that he's ripping no they're coming together this is this is not an attack this is Vash this is an act of actually I'll use the word Brotherhood even though maybe I need a better word y again the same kind of idea of coming together furthermore inash so hit understands again that Yakov and ysf coming together by Goan that's this reconciliation between Yakov and yosf but Goan means the same thing it means the hit it means to come close which means essentially what we see then in and I know this is not the way that we normally look at this week's para we we had we had three bashes or go is if you will and one of them was vashi and the other one was ysep telling his brothers to come close and the third one is this place called Goan where he says come here so that we can be close and all that I'm asking you to do now is we have the same interesting word three times in one paraa maybe it actually means the same thing each time and maybe all of them are about the same point Point how do we become whole again how do we become closer maybe sometimes it means you have to sit around and eat together even though you don't feel love maybe you need to still sit around and drink even together and break away some of the anger and break take away some of the anxiety and take away some of the the feelings that exist over there but the other thing is is talking they they they they all talk in a way and I know that we weren't able to do this before we actually understood what it meant that yoseph reaches out to his brothers and then Yehuda feels he can speak to him in in a sweeter and in a softer in a whispering way and then yosf speaks to them in a way and sometimes the the mess it's not just the message the means is the message it's the way that you speak is going to be part of the content as well and therefore the ability of becoming whole again starts off with with with speaking in a way of uh of respect and of caring and and and all of that emotional baggage which everybody is carrying baggage over here and of course the tragedy is that nobody knows the baggage the other one is carrying I mean does Yehuda does Yosef ever know through all of this till this point that yehud has lost a couple of kids does he know that yehud has gone has lots and lots of scars on him at this point does he know about the fall of Yehuda and the rise of Yehuda he doesn't know about any of these things at this point and does Yehuda know about the heroism of Yos walking out of the running out of the bedroom of uh of of potifar can Yuda even understand such a thing Yuda who fails in that particular area can he understand it there's a medish that says that I can understand everything this this matron a Roman matron says I can understand everything in the Torah except for a 17-year-old running out of a room of a woman who's willing an offering he goes that's the one thing I can't understand in the entire Torah everything else makes sense anything else I can I can wrap my head around that I can't wrap my head around but uh that's that's that's yoseph does you who to begin to they don't understand none of them know what the others have gone through and maybe they need to have other times they can sit and they can speak and they can work things out but the beginning of the reconciliation is Vash and the Vash is dramatic and the drama over here is not bang banging on the table it's not shaking the walls it's whispering and speaking softly and saying I have a lot on my mind and I have a lot on my heart and I have a problem and maybe you can help me with my problem I have to try to make something right over here there's too much suffering in the world let's try to take away some of the suffering and that's what Yehuda speech is that's the content of his speech and when you realize that's the content of the speech then also we should realize it's also the tone that he delivers it and when ysep responds ysep responds in the same wayos and afterwards when we're going to now try to make ourselves home as a family what's the perfect place for them to live why don't you guys live in Goen because that's close and we'll be close and we're going to try to make this up do can you just erase all of those scars that exist not easily can you just say bygones and forget everything which has happened not easily but the first step towards all of this is we see both sides are doing it and they're reaching out and they're talking but not just are they talking they're talking in sweet soft tones and that's the first step to trying to become whole again