Minhagim | Rabbi Shai Finkelstein | February 10th 2026

The show is sponsored by their families. Sure. >> Okay. So, we continue with um lotoo. Um, >> you know what? >> Okay, take a look at the bottom of page five. >> Five. >> Page five. Yeah, the bottom of page five. We'll talk a little bit about different minhagim different customs that uh in one city they did it and in another show they didn't do it and we'll try to understand where is the go to do and we'll bring few examples and I think it will be some of it will be very interesting okay says okay so we're talking about my manages we're talking about the 12th century What does it mean? What is >> in I'll give you a hint. Where is so there was a custom in the shoe that the Rambam saw. My guess it will be probably already in Egypt because when the Rambam went to Egypt who he basically says to the Egyptian commun Jewish Egyptian community you have no idea what are you doing and you need to listen to me I'll teach you and um so the Rambam I guess went to a there and he saw that people are standing in so after instead of sitting they were standing so he says what is minagim ignorous people who are and there was a who came to their children says no no no you need to to sit now this is a speculation I'm not saying that that's exactly what happened but this is just a speculation when the Rambam went to Egypt and after few years when he felt that he's strong enough he start appointing rabbis and judges to replace the ones who were there or just to create new ones and basically he was able to a dictate one way which is his way I mean and but he saw there was a problem look also don't forget there was a major karite community also so the rama had to deal with many with many issues so he basically stands up for whom? For this. So that sh they all stood up in your chair. Theam, this sage guy, sage rabbi came into the sho and says, "No, no, you need to sit." And I guess there was a complaint. Okay, what are you doing? What are you telling us to sit when we stood for all those years? But the other sage that was there that told him what to stand, he says, You see the Rambam was a little upset. He says it's a terrible like when you ask yourself okay what's the big deal? You sit you stand you know like what's the big deal? No the Rambam it seems to be that for him it was a big deal. Why? A in order to dictate what he thinks. A B he thought it's a total mistake and C after you have that sage that he appointed he wanted that everything will go through what he says. He says, "So what's happening in that?" My guess is that the people who remember the older guy who was there, what did they do? They stood. The people who listen to the new rabbi, they said, "Where do we have it?" Almost every week >> kush but in shad you would see some people sit, some people stand, some people are leaning, some people are trying to sleep. Whatever it is that what we have some everyone is doing something else and it become like the custom that everyone is doing something else but what's the idea for those people who stand in the do you ask yourself why to stand in the welcome >> we're welcoming the Shabbat so why to sit >> they stand oh we stand in shon that's when we really talk about The Shabbat boy. What is boy? Who is boy? >> The Shabbat. Shabbat. Come here and we will greet you. That's why we stand up and also we turn, right? We turn. So we accepting the Shabbat. But all the rest of we don't need to. That's why also the min to get up only when the one before does not make too much sense, right? Bishma if you stand for the entire things stand for the entire thing. If you stand only for Shabbat for the they the bite the stanza that speaks about Shabbat stand up in when in boy. So says the Rambam that will be considered loed good to do this thing we don't like it. So everyone should what should sit in um in in now I will just say one thing that today I know it sounds like a very progressive but it's not about progression it's just about the ex acceptance level of people in today's world we we don't care so much if some people do that or the others do I mean it hasn't bothers us so much. Maybe is a bit more annoying. But if someone sits in the and someone stands in the do you really care it doesn't seem like lit. Yes. >> Not is to argue >> the what? >> It's not another case of the is to argue. Oh, like that. Yeah, [laughter] it's like the joke with the custom with the Yeah. Okay. So now, so we're talking about that. So let's see here. Another custom that you will see that some people do that and some people do something else. For example, says now we're talking about obviously the laws of Y which by the way also can create a loted go to do when half of the men are shaved and half of the men are not shaved and then you have the people who are to keep only the first half of the spir and the other people keep only the second half of the spir you remember the first half and the second half. Okay good so >> the what? >> Shabbat >> if I share before yeah >> that those are the other people. Yes, but also but on Shabbat itself you will have people who do shave and people who do not shave. Right? So you have all these things the three weeks the nine days all of that. So take a look at the he says says some people have a custom to what to get a haircut on the on and it's a mistake meaning you should not okay you shouldn't have a haircut then okay there are customs in many places that that they do go to get a haircut. And then they should not what? They should not get a haircut even though you are allowed to to get a haircut on itself. And for those places that you are allowed to get a haircut from which means you keep what? The first half. So they should not get their haircut from until do and in one city you can't have some people go to the hair stylist and some do not. So some get a haircut, some don't. And definitely you can't what? Hold the string from both ends and what? get. Okay, you can't do that. You need to choose. Okay, you need to choose. Now, the thing is how many spaldim were in Kraco in 16th century? >> Really? >> Okay, not too many. Okay. How many Ashkenazim were in invat or in Morocco or in Bav? Okay, no one. So, obviously everyone did the same. The thing is that when you come to a place like Medinat and you come to a shoe that has what would you see? You will see different customs. How come it's not what you going to do? Maybe in this shoe if we decide that everyone needs to shave before Shabbat because we think that that's over override um um the laws of aut or we don't believe in it. Whatever it is, we should have a sign. Okay, you can come in only if you are shaved or only if you are not. Okay, so what do you do? Like why is that? What did you go to do? We can say it all the time. >> Okay. So it seems to be that because we know the reasons meaning I'm going to say now think something that I think it's principled when you have in the system when you have in the system the variety of opinions and none of that is wrong because what do you want to accomplish? We the laws of autism is something that was obviously developed um you know in the it says that there is some kind of aute but not what we have that was developed later on in the time of the gonim and even later that's one second is the idea that in the hala itself you have a variety of opinions which all of them basically subscribe subscribe to one thing. Somehow you need to be in aut 33 days. How do you count it? You can start from the first night until it's your choice. It's part of the choice of choice not choices choice. And therefore when you do that it's not a good do a good it's not like that I'm saying what you do is and what you do is mut both of them are good customs and therefore you can choose so that does not consider what a good >> what about >> what >> people say you shouldn't >> same thing >> how can you start on You're not supposed to >> How do you count your your your 33 days? If you if you say I'm going to start from the but doesn't count because I'm not supposed to shave any >> some people do shave on. So you have differences though between halaka and midhag. I come from Seattle Washington and there the spartan actually sat sha married sat shiva and the reason was they didn't want to dilute their minhagim >> and it went on for years. >> Wow interesting. So I'm confused here in terms of and >> so some you're raising a wonderful question that you know what I will give two minutes or three minutes it deserve a class. >> Oh the question was in Seattle um they are not known only for Starbucks but they are also known for do not want to marry Ashkanazim. If they do they said Shiva back back I guess few years ago >> just few years ago. Um yeah so and why because they didn't want to dilute their minhagim not so much the halaka. So let's talk a little bit about you know what just you don't mind I I and if you do you are a captured audience you can go anywhere. So um so basically we'll talk a little bit about the status of minim which by the way it does not deserve 3 minutes it deserve 3 hours but I can go three hours but I will not maybe one of the classes will talk a little bit about the minagia. Maybe we'll do the blinedo like where a minag originates from. What is stat status? When do we know it's a good minag not a good minag but just talking about minagim davka it's interesting there is tremendous uh literacy about minashkin lots of minim that came from ashkanas [clears throat] and there is a field that davka by the ashkenazim the minagim are very very important and by the found little less but it's not exactly true now I will tell you a little bit about the ashkenazim minhagim because I I know a little bit about more ashkazim Not about just the minim just the status. The thing is you would see like I need to go a little bit. Uh okay. Um so whatever I'm just thinking where to start. Um okay we know that we have two Talmudim right we have Talmud Bi and Talmud Yami. Talmud Yosami ended around 378 or 9 max max 429. That's it. The bubbly continued until probably the 9th century. Okay. So any if you want to say 7th century whatever it is between 7th to 9th century but it's definitely after the okay. So these two Talmud were composed not the Talmudi was not composed in order to explain the Bavi right each one of them was a separate distinct Talmud and sometimes you have the same sugia because students from Bav came to Israel Israel went to Bav but they were basically composed as two distinct Talmudim okay then the Talmud the Talmud in a way was starting to be forgotten why because not too many people learn it study it because many of them are not initially become stronger and stronger and stronger. Good. Now in you have two yeshivotim that's what they call after the you haveim why it's called and why the head of death that was called gon they would say he was brilliant yeah he was >> but why why to call him not yes because the name of the yeshiva was gonakov gonakov the pride of yakov where in okay But that's the gonim. That's why they call the gon. He is the head of yeshiv. Now there was also yeshiva two main centers. Then interestingly enough the influence of these two centers influence different Jews. Most of the Jews live where? >> Iraq, Iran, all the friendly places that we have today. And the influence from Israel somehow I don't have a good explanation to it influence Italian Jews and German Jews. We don't know exactly. The mekar is still not can't really tell you exactly how exactly Jewish communities were formed in Germany like where did they come from when exactly? We know that in 1096 three major communities you know Shum were destroyed in the first crusade. But we know from before that there was a major rabbi there Rabenu Gersom no meah the luminary of the gola you remember I know you know a little bit about he was the one who told that a man cannot have more than two wives. You can't open someone's someone's mail. Okay. Now passed away in I think in 1028 I think in 1038. So at the beginning of the 11th century and interestingly enough who called him who gave him that name a French Jew. Rashi was born in 1040. Rashi did not see Raogua cuz when Rashi was born, Raenogu was already dead. But Rashi, he lives in France. He was born in 1040 and passed away in 11:05. And around 1060, he goes to where? To Germany to study Torah. Which means there is not enough Torah or at all in France. So he had to go to where? To Germany. He's there between 14 to 16 years. We're not sure exactly how many years. And he learns from Rabiovakar and uh I forgot the second rabbi that he had and someone else from where from Germany. After a while that he is there, we're not sure if he starts writing his perushim already in Germany or he waited. He went back to France and in France he built up a yeshiva and then all the topho team that we have today children grandchildren great great grandchildren of okay now why am I telling you all of that because around the 10th century there is a force to impose the Babylonian Talmud over everyone and whatever it says in the Babylonian Talmud that's what you need to go through and even if it contradicts what it says in the USI don't pay attention to the why because the was composed under a lot of stress in Israel so the rabbis didn't have the mind to really think follow the bi now we are getting to the minim in ashkanaz I'm talking about Germany not ashkanaz the the continent talking about Germany They had minhagim that some of them had support in the or what we call midim midashim that were composed around the second century in Israel not in some of those minim willing to give their lives for those minimas and especially Their status of that minim are here but they will start to be questioned by the Babylonian Talmud which means scholars of the Babylonian Talmud looked at the minim and said mako it's against the the Garases one second what let me finish the history what are we doing with this who was the one who really dealt with that raenuham Rash's grandson. >> Raenutam Rash's grandson. Raenutam was a brilliant person. He basically advanced the dialect dialectical process which means I have a a source here. I'm going to what to compare it to this source that source that source and I will try to add to somehow reconcile them or reject one. So back then in his time there was a major force to try to understand how can I reconcile the Minhad against the Babylonian Talmud and Raenutam sometimes he's able to reconcile it and sometimes he says I can't really understand the Minhag it's really against what the Talmud says but we don't touch it later on obviously When more and more the Babylonian Tal becomes part of the DNA, you start what? Diluting your commitment to the minhagim and accept more what the Talmudi. So when you talk about minagim some of the minashkinas were on a pedestal even if they contradict the Talmud, I don't care. I do that. And why? because we think that they were influenced by Israel. >> An example >> examples for I think each one of them has a you know what I'll give you one you know I'll give a sh about it nether in one of the shabbat uh but no I'll give you I'll give you one example Oh, that's calculation. That's calculation of sunrise and sunset. Yeah, that's calculation. >> Okay. How many of you drink allow yourself to drink water after Shabbat? If you light candles, Shabbat candles, do you drink water after that? >> No. >> No. Yes. Yes. No. That's what you got to do. Mama. Yeah. Right. Okay. Yes. Why? Answer. Be like a good Jew. >> Why not? I'm thirsty. What do you mean? I didn't have a chance because I had to make sure that all Shabbat is okay. Now I'm thirsty. So I want to drink. My Who does not drink? Why? >> You didn't drink. My mother didn't drink. >> Okay. Your mother didn't drink. And why your mother didn't drink? Because her mother didn't drink, right? Probably until wife. Okay. your feet. Okay. Who have shall her before Mina? >> What? >> Before Mina. >> I love to see your faces. It makes so much. >> You do it what? Before >> Mha. >> And then what? >> Continue after. >> Oh, that's a problem. [clears throat] So there is a minhag which um it's very interesting. It's a major between the gonim and and the rishim that says that uh it was really you remember that we spoke about he had a a brother-in-law brother-in-law can I think raeno misulam from plaza and uh there were conversations between them some of them are in letters that we have raenutam if you are not on his good you're in troubles and it's all about one midrashim which is also an interesting midrash. This midrashim says that um you shouldn't drink water because the midrash says you shouldn't drink on Shabbat >> after candle lighting. >> No no on Shabbat itself, not Friday. Shabbat. That's what the the version of this midash is on Shabbat. But you should finish it before. And why? Because the Mim are resting from Gom does not walk on Shabbat. If you ask yourself does not walk on Shabbat onto there is a question. But what they do is that they are like swimming in the rivers and they cool down until until Sunday until m Shabbat when the gum resumes is uh is operation and uh so they cool down when you drink from the water you are taking water from them that's the midrash now the midrash says had a different version it says Friday after okay what's the the real version. But why am I why am I telling you all of that? That created a huge not only if you are allowed to drink after but when to have sudashit. If you tell me that you need to do it before ma and you d in ma at 1:20, let's say you went to an early ma and mabbat in the northern countries of England or France is at 11 p.m. It means that from 1:20 you can't eat until >> until 11 something p.m. >> No, no, no. Can't eat or drink. It depends also the midrash. is that only okay it's a it's a fascinating I'm going to give it I think I'm going to do it under the the rubric of um Shabbat I always give series of classes but I might have interesting Ashkanazim we'll call it interesting not weird interesting Ashkanazim um that I don't know how many of you know it or not but that's that's some kind of a minhagenas that was obviously questioned by there's Nothing in the in the Talmudi that said something like that. Exactly the opposite. We know that should be when >> after not before the midash that became a custom it's exactly against the bubbly. So how do we resolve it? What do we do? You will need to come to the clasp. Not now. >> What about naming after the living verse? >> Oh you have that. Yeah, that's between faradim andazim uh naming kids for their >> living >> living parents or okay all the things that if you're the name of your mother-in-law is like your uh like your wife or vice versa okay giving names to children that has the name of the father okay all of those things many of it come from abidas which itself it's questionable did he write it only to his kids or he wrote it for what for all bashkas or what do we do with that? That's an interesting thing. By the way, another go is that you know that says that you shouldn't have more than one wife. It was not accepted by the >> That's right. >> Never in the 50s when Jews from our countries made aliyah 50 some of them came with more than one wife. Okay. So um so that itself it's also an interesting thing. Okay. Now Berlin who is known as the Nazi. So 19th century um okay so he was asked the following Okay. Uh, page six. >> Do what? Make it more complicated. Our whoever the is that's the not okay. So you have and he goes and he starts saying and you are like what? Which matter? I don't have in my sidu. Right. What do you do? Do you say what he says or you say your own thing because it's private and let him say whatever he wants to say. And why I brought this because it can be that in the same governing you have ashkaz or vice versa whatever it is whatever the combination is. So every day you're going to change your kadusha. >> Okay. >> In they have signs and they go back and forth. And I've seen exactly what you're saying. One is one way is one way and then >> right. Look what we have here. >> So I didn't made it up. Okay. I was not here. You saw. So I didn't put it here. And yeah. So we'll have no we'll confuse thean that comes from we'll see what he picks. Okay. So you have both. Yes. >> Not Yeah. Not and with >> that's an additional thing. Yeah. >> What are you supposed to do? Excuse me. But they produce I was told that you say you in other words if I'm asking something I say I would say whatever >> who told you that >> your rabbi your rabbi knew but you need to wait until the end of page six >> you wait you wait the other one if I should because I thought you have to follow >> oh [laughter] but is dealing with that question exactly we will see that if we have time later. But let's see the he says in my opinion that's what you should do. He says and then said something very similar to says when you are ding to yourself don't change don't change you say your own say his own um what you going to He says that he says that no that you need to change your because everyone needs to be the same in order not to create what did go to do. Um and he says do so he says like that says I want to create a distinction between things that you say privately quietly and things that you say out loud things that you say out loud even if you but as far say something out loud I don't know what whatever it is you need to Say it in their when it comes to you say to yourself you say it what the way you do it. The only problem is that the only is that you need to be careful not to what not to raise your voice meaning if I don't care. So we just need to say it what in a way in a in a like in a in a private way. So it doesn't sound like one says the other one says that's okay. So that's what the the says. Now let's see. So says the following. So if someone d in a shoe that have a different he says in my opinion says yeah says exactly the opposite He says I'm telling you he needs to say like what you thought which means to say like and why because even though I can say the kusha but the kusha I'm allowed to say kusha only because of what because of if I d by myself can I say kusha? No, it's only because of the tibu. So that ceu dictates to me the nusah says you can't change the nah. That's very interesting now because what the n says makes sense. No one knows. No one is going to listen to what I say. But says no because the comes as a result of you dvening with that will dictate for you how to d. And then he says says even though the main part of is what we have no changes So he says even though you could argue with me says and say look who cares if I say kadesh that's not part of the essential parts of kadusha the only essential part of kadusha is what kadosh kadoshad Stop. And he says because we say it's become part of part of and then he says Okay, I'm not going to go into it too much. I would say I will translate in a minute. Okay. So basically he says like that. I know I read a lot. I will translate a bit and I will explain more. So he says in my opinion says you need to say the way that does. And why? Because really what allows you to say the gusha is the tibu and therefore you cannot separate yourself from the okay he says even though you can say it bahash quietly because it's with the tibu you need to not to change. Okay. What was the question? The question was about a person who goes to a sh that the is different knowingly right he's ashkenazi and he goes to a okay in that case >> what mosha said is really what correct the entire tibu is what >> is found so obviously they dictate what the in cases like ours or in the army I mean every day you can also have a different kazan. It will be a bit strange to implement that. No, >> one day I'm saying the other way I'm saying at the same day I can change my kusha five times. How come five times? Okay. I I it's it's it's almost like like every time you say something else. Therefore, most of the they rely on the nativ and also look at and says look that was good. If you will ask me rabbi I am going to uh to somewhere whatever and the only there is what should I do? I will tell you >> what do I do with kusha? I will tell you you say what >> the fans say. Why? because you're going to be there that's the only sh you're going to be for 3 days whatever it is you say but if you tell me if you ask me rabbi I go to nitanim and there they every time there is a different what should I do I will tell you what keep your keep your yes >> I understood that the is to prepare himself to say the out loud afterwards how can he do a different >> what is the purpose of the board was going to say >> no the question was not about the question was about one of the >> I'm asking another >> so what's your question >> is what exactly is the purpose of >> his own individual >> his own indiv It's own obligation to do. >> He needs to do that like [clears throat] preparation to be used to say to get used to saying the words I've learned often. >> Ah that's for sure. Yeah. That's for sure. Sure. The thing is like that let's say someone comes to okay he has yight whatever he has he go to the I have a the tells you not a problem take the bema the only thing is that we know we have ding here so in you will d what you d for the you okay so if you're out then then your which is basically prepare for then what you're going to do. Oh, so okay that what so the it might be like that but really there is not too much of a difference between the and and little bit of with um there's not too much and um I don't see a main reason that you that you need to d that you need to d your you can do it is >> so what you do is you >> natural so those people who say they say it those who don't don't say it and those people who say we wait for them >> that's what we do here too it can be done >> yeah we can get along you know yes >> sorry I can't hear everything but so maybe someone asked this already if I go to my my son this they dar there I d ashkin Nice. Do I have to take this sitting to do the whole doining within few lines? >> Few more lines. >> Oh, I'm sorry. >> No, it's okay. We didn't get there. But you have good questions. I will translate in a minute. I will explain it in a minute. Fore it says like now what was the rale the rale of saying in the same way that is what without the you will not have kadesha right I don't need the cebu. However, the problem is that the custom to most people to say and out loud. So if I say out loud in my and you say in your that's going to be ma. So how do we overcome it? Telling you say it quietly. The problem is that even when you say it quietly sometimes as a habit it it comes up in a loud way. So you know what I don't know exactly how to decide. So we'll do it like that. If it's not too hard for you, take the and there [snorts] quietly. Stick with your own but quietly. Okay. So that's what answers about. >> Yes. You decided that you wanted only Ashkanara's doe which could be the end of your contract here. But if if you is is it the is it the RV who decides in terms of the sh? >> Oh, so you're asking a general question of who decides about the minhagim of the sho. Okay. So is the ravine >> but don't forget very good mo when he was asked don't forget people came after the sha and you have Hungarian Jews and you had Polish Jews and you had German Jews and there was a lot of discussion about what about the here in Medina is we are from all over the place. It's not going to be only a political mistake. It's I think it's a mistake. You can't part of the idea of all of us coming together is that we will get along together and which okay so you wait for him to finish and you say together nothing happened. So they and also by the way even when they get aliot to the Torah you know sometimes goes up and says first so the idea is is what is that it's interesting how mo is talking so even though mostly people say it they don't scream it then he says what say like the And he says you can if it's so hard to say it quietly but then as I said before said that you can do the other way and one more question who because we need to finish. I heard a very interesting discussion once who lived there before all the aliot you know the aliot of Ashkanazim most histo lived in Eric Israel right one moment tell me the came but in 300 something years ago astronom started to come and they were so the whole country we should all be a >> you you really want pess that's your point like what the truth is if I had a choice I would >> you don't so so the thing is is that um what will look how by by the way I will just say okay what one minute I will just say tried to create a unified sidur and he failed totally failed and why because there is something nice that everyone has their own yeah I know we make jokes on that and you have one one two Jews, three opinions and all that. But there is something nice in having different and to force it into one was proven not to be done well. Maybe it was the right not not the right time, maybe it was not the right person, maybe it was not the right content, whatever it was, but it didn't work. So next week we'll continue.