Learning to Love People We Don’t Like | Rabbi Anthony Manning | April 15th 2026

I'd like to thank please our sponsors for the Shirin. The Wednesday morning program here is dedicated during 2026 Daniel Ben Davidid and Abraham Strauss Morai Ben Mosha Raisel and and Raisel Bsef Mayor Marcus they're the parents of Judy and Marcus my is sponsored for the yearlit and Zelik Benalman Alleheim Ha Shalom. Uh and if I could just remind you to please turn off your phones. I've been reminded again to remind you um that will be great and then we'll move on. Now we've bashan been together in this year not necessarily in this particular location for nearly 11 years. Uh and the topics that I'm going to deal with over the next few weeks uh we haven't looked at for at least 10 years. So I figure that it's good for a little bit of a renewal, a little bit of khazar, some new material as well in case you do remember. There's always somebody that says I was here in 2016 and you mentioned that that's usually Miriam. there since there is always that wonderful person present I will make every effort as we have done today to add numakovas uh so that you don't feel that you're uh being shortch changed um the paras between pes and uh from vikra are the paras dealing with kaduca kadosian tu the what does it mean to have kadusha there's no English word that can translate easily from kaduca I mean holy and sanctified they they They only express part of it. Part of it is what we call the idea of Shabbatim. Part of it is obviously Bahar focusing on the kadusha of Israel. Uh but a significant part of it is the kadusha of the relationships between people. Paramos paras kadoshim focus primarily on mitzvah. Uh certainly the end of aos not the beginning which obviously is about kiper. So I want to look at some of those mitzvah which we haven't looked at for a very long time. And I want to start with this uh mitzvah the central focus of which I've called learning to love people we don't like which is a challenge because there are a lot of people in this world that we don't like and there could be a number of reasons for that. It could be because they're just objectively unpleasant. There are people like that in the world for whatever reason. and unlikable or because they've treated us badly in some way. And I'm not, god forbid, talking about an a real abusive relationship where there's been some emotional, physical, god forbid, even verbal abuse. We're talking about just people who behave uh insensitively and inappropriately. And why should I like them based on the the way that they behave to me? And also, and this is particularly relevant now because they belong or although it's not new as we'll see, they belong to a group and I disapprove of that group. That group in cloud cell is uh is not the way I think cloud should be. They're part of the problem. They're not part of the solution. They're dragging us down. They're going to cause us trouble, etc. And therefore, I don't I don't like that. >> There are all sorts of reasons why we might feel like that to all sorts of other people. And therefore I want to examine today um seven approaches as to how we might change that approach and uh maybe love people even though we don't like them. Maybe there's no mitzvah to like them but there is mitzvah to love them. We'll see what that means. Um and I want to give you some suggestions on that uh which hopefully you'll take something from there and and see which one you most connect to. Let's start with two quotes from the nitiv which are quite well known but I want to put them in some context. When the raiser opens up on safer braces, he wants to give a little introduction which I brought you in full in number one and we'll we'll read it in full this book which is bracious. He says the don't call it we call it they call it the book of the straight the he brings the which quotes one it says in Yeshua isn't it written look over there in the book of in the book Again, it says it's written already. Go look it up in the and the Gmorrah explains this is the book of because they are called they're straight when he forced to give a to the Jewish people he says I want to die the death of the who are theim explainy and of course bilan is often juaposed with auid ban a etc. We need to understand why did the specific why is the book called the book of those and bam wanted to to end up like them which of course he didn't end up like them but he that's how he expressed his his bra that was put into his mouth. What what is this telling us about? Second paragraph in inu we say God is the rock whose works are perfect who God is described as righteous, as true, as just and straight. Um the word is coming there to justify that we accept the justice of what happened to us in the second temple because they were a twisted and corrupted generation of Jews. And now he says why and we see what happened there. They would and they were they were very for people and they learned Torah all the time but they weren't straight they were crooked they were twisted being at Saddic and being aid and being a town is no guarantee of being a he wants to because of the for other people for each other. Anyone who didn't fit their criteria to what a Jew should be, they judged them and they said he's a sad he's a heretic. eventually led to terrible bloodshed and the terrible things that happened in the world until the shami was destroyed. That's why we're saying to God, you were right. What a statement can't stand like this. Meaning it's worse than that. If they were just regular low lives, okay, what do you want? He's a low life. So what do you expect? No, that's and they behave this way. That's even worse. They have to also be straight. They can't be twisted. Oh yeah, but we're doing it for the sake of everybody's doing it or they all think they're doing it. That's not an excuse. That just brings and it destroys God forbids. And this is why we pinpoint the Yes, they would. And they were careful in their relationship with in extreme ways. They were but they were also straight. And look at what he gives as an example. Look how they they dealt with the non-Jewish world. forget about their own family, the non-Jewish. Even idolattors, pagans of the most objectionable kind had a certain love for them and he wanted good for them. He wanted the world to survive. How much effort does Aram go to to du for the people of Son even though he completely rejected them? Next time we will see what sinner really means and it doesn't mean hated. You know to hate people and love them at the same time. But you can reject them and that's wrong. So e sometimes wrong even though in this case it was right. We'll see what sinner means in more detail. He definitely rejected them in many ways and their king in the most extreme way as we see when he speaks to the king of Saddam. I don't want anything of you. I don't want your money. I don't want your lifestyle. I don't want you. But he didn't feel that he wanted them to be destroyed. He wanted them to survive. He had a certain sense that they they had a place in the world. They could re they could improve. They could be they could be worked on by sadikim who were who would influence them and therefore says the says the nitiv in this extreme example if au could have this kind of feeling for an sadim who represented pretty much all that's corrupt in the world all the more so we need to be like the voice in many ways now that of course has limits uh and we'll see what those limits are and how that works but that's an important starting point and he says also in a chuva which is quite famous but I wanted to bring Again, it's called the Mammar Yaminmo, the right and the left. He wrote it in the 1870s. I think there was an article published uh in journal I think it was called Makiki Hadat by the Hungarian Orthodox community. Basically saying we should completely pull away from Jews who are on the left from all those who do not agree with us. We should have nothing to do with them. We should separate from them. And then Civ wrote a response to that. a response and this is what he says when we were in our land and we almost had like our independence under the in the second temple it's and yet everything was destroyed we lost everything we went in and the reason we were thrown out was because of between ourselves between the And that hatred turned into real bloodshed, completely unjustified. When a Pharisee, a perouch saw that somebody was lenient, even though this person wasn't a real heretic because he he's not in support of the but this person wasn't a clown at all. He was just doing something wrong. Not just that even a justified. He was wrong. He was behaving inappropriately. When this Pharisee saw them, he would immediately label them as a once you label someone as a stoie, then all bets are off. You can just, you know, shove them in the ditch and they're gone. Better. The world's better without them. Once you label people in that way, And this is what in this excuse me they were killing people because it's a mitzvah to kill these people but it was all a terrible error because when he writes to these people in the mid-9th century and of course the was very involved in in the movement the early movement to try and get back to Israel he was a big proponent of that at least in the early days it's not inconceivable. He says that we might get back at this time where one person who is interesting. I think that was the name of the magazine he was printed in. I didn't realize that until just now. those people who are indeed upholding the religion, they see another person who's not to their liking in the way that they uh treat they they they live their Judaism. and they say they're a heretic and they chase each other and pursue each other thinking it's justified and it's really all an illusion and God forbid the Jewish people could be destroyed and it won't help that we go back to Israel. If we pull each other to pieces in Russia, we'll pull each other to pieces in Bengra as well. Won't help. Therefore, we need to deal with this at the root. Now, don't make the mistake of thinking that the Nits was some kind of uh liberal 21st century, loves everybody, loves every movement, multi-denominational. He he wasn't that. Now, what he would have said today, I have no idea because no one can put words into the mouth of the native today. At the time he was in favor even of paying money to secular non-observant Israelis who were coming to Israel to get them to go back to Russia because he didn't want secular people in Israel. So don't think that this niv is often quoted as being the most unbelievable. It wasn't quite as simple as that. Even though other people at the time were were horrified this rough mole says you're not going we're not going to give money to Benurian as it were. I didn't mention him specifically but to the people in there for a secular to go back to Russia. That's not what we're doing here. So the niv definitely had strong views. who was anti-reform and anti- other things. But he said when it's certainly when it's within the Jewish world where we're uh together in many ways as aim which I think goes beyond just religion certainly today and I don't think I don't think I don't think the NSI would want to pay money to uh secular Israelis to move to well to where where are they going to move to uh California like I don't think so. Uh but I I I don't but but I I I don't know but nevertheless the warning of the native is extremely important. Okay, great. How are we going to do this in practice? How are we going to do this in practice? >> Okay. >> Because a lot of the we read about was between religious Jews and non-religious Jews. Um, now I I I think that there's a completely different playing field and it's between religious Jews and religious Jews and and and and in a different kind of way. So, I'm going to try and suggest some actual practical solutions, not just cry um and see how we work this out. So let's let's jump into this top of page two. Um first of all let me bring you a says quoted by the his student he says as follows the said the main focus of a person in their Jewish growth we have to change our attitudes. He says we think of bay adakum as ritual mitzvah as very technical. You know someone says to you make a cup of tea on Shabas. You get all very sort of legal. Oh I'm going to have a clean. I'm going to have a cliche. I'm going to I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. I'm going to this. But then people say things like well what about the mitzvah of to judge people favorably. It's nice midas. Be a nice person. You know even though in the real world nobody is going to go around thinking everybody's wonderful. you're just going to get yourself into terrible trouble if you think that because it's not true. But we don't apply the same kind of criterion, the same kind of analysis. When we see the mitzvah of it's no less complex than making a cup of tea on Shabas, you have to work out is this person a sadic? Are they a Russia? Are they boni? And what are what does it look like? Does it look more than 50%, less than 50%, more than 80%, less than 20? You're going to have to get it says the you got to start thinking that way with and then you're going to do it right and then that's going to be part of the answer because you're going to actually keep these mitzvah not as just nice midas which are very important to have good midat but they're actual mitzvah as well and I go even further most of the if you go on a daily basis and you start clocking out how many Torah mitzvah did I do today most of them will be a lot of the ritual that we keep a lot of the Ashas, a lot of the shabas, a lot of it is rabbitic, which is nothing wrong with that. The draons are very important, but we don't go anywhere near dorices usually in Cashas. It's pretty hard to really trafe up with the way our kitchens work. It's pretty hard to tra them up like good and proper. It's very rare that you're going to really do durisa on Shabas. Maybe with Bor. Okay, Bor is always the one that gets people, but you really got to cook on Shabas like Disa. It's it's not likely to happen. But within there's very rarely a it's all or nothing. You did it or you didn't do it. It's or it's not. It's not that at all. And therefore many of the mitzvah that we do on a Torah level are these. So let's have a look at some of them. Now let's go quite quickly through some of these sources fascinating as they are because we have a lot to do. Let's look at the root number four coming up in a para near you very soon. Don't bear a grudge. Don't take revenge. Rather, don't bear grudge against your people. We're not talking about that. Now, magic words are the golden rule. You have to love your neighbor like you yourself. Okay, your friend, I should say, not your neighbor, like yourself, because I am God. And there's lots of um questions to be raised on that. What does it mean? your friend who is included in that is because there are lots of words used for the other person the the the objects of your mitzvah although it must be said I I use the word object with chunk pre trepidation because we we we mustn't treat the recipients if you like of ever as an object it can become quite tempting but it's not allowed that's one of the reasons why we don't make a bra when we do a mitzvah someone comes and knocks on the door and an says have you got any stucker? And you look at them, you go, "Oh, just make a name." You know, like like who who wants who wants that? He feels like I just shook him as my lav, you know, that's not what it's all about. So, we don't objectify people, but there are people at the at the receiving end. So, the Torah gives them many different names. Um, um, what are the other ones? We just said, very good. And they're not synonyms. They don't all mean the same thing. And therefore, we need to work out at some point who is I'm not going to be getting into all of this. My main question is, what is? By the way, anihashem is an interesting point. Rashi says, "And Hashem is usually said on a mitzvah where you might try and fake it. You can fake it with other people. Oh, I do like you." You know, God knows what's really going on. Yeah, that's why usually says hashem because there are some things that you know other people might not realize but you understand that God does. But what is what is? So first of all comes along number five and you can sing the song later. Okay. Um what does he mean? You see he wants to say this is not just a mitzvah. This is not a pratt. This is not a specific thing like eating mats say night. You ate matzah. You did it. You finished. No more matzah till next year. Okay. Relief. Excuse me. Yeah. Pesak sheni for those who are already missing the the taste of the mafic. Pesak sheni is coming up soon. Actually our sedan night pesak sheni was one of the the great revelations to our grandchildren. They're just at an age now where they can really learn the and then nobody had heard of pesak sheni. THEY WERE LIKE WHAT? There's another we're doing all this again in so so it was it was very funny to see that their realization. Um so some mix of us are very specific. This is not it's a cloud. This is not just something you do. It's something you are. For example, says number six climber. What does he mean? This is not just another mitzvah. Many mitzvah go with this mitzvah. You really love somebody like yourself. You won't steal from them their money. You won't have an appropriate relationship with their wives. You won't rub them off and you won't oppress them with words. You won't change their boundaries. You won't damage them at all. Many other mitzvah go together with you. And anyone who realizes realizes this. Every time you stop yourself from doing another you also did every time you do some you do. Nice. You also did meaning every single thing that you do in any other area if you do it right then you get if you do it wrong then you broke meaning it comes every single time. So think how many times this mitzvah says the repeats itself again and again and again and again. Okay. So let's get into the wheats translates in a very literal way. Number seven. Love your friend like yourself. I am God. Okay, makes sense. Number eight, however doesn't say that. It says love your friend whatever you don't like don't do to them has flipped it into a negative mitzvah. Why? Why has he done that? It sounds like a beautiful positive mitzvah. love your fellow person as >> because we are much more careful about love loving them, >> right? Because love is a is a strange thing. We usually associate love with some kind of emotional connection. I love my kids. I you know my friend there are people I haven't met before with the best will in the world. Maybe they're the nicest people in the world. I just met them. I mean I can't really tell you that I love you. I just don't have any feelings for that person yet. I just met them and vice versa. So what does it mean says the taraguman? It doesn't mean you have to have an emotional feel for them. Look at the explains how this works. He says, "Why do we flip it into the negative? Whatever you don't like, don't do to them because shouldn't have said love your friend like yourself." Why didn't he go the same route? And I want to tell you as far as the in the 16 1700s 1600s it's telling you a very important secret that the is talking about that case the negative case in a negative mitzvah because it's written in the same line the same as not to take revenge not to bear a grudge and that's why it says you must love your Don't do don't do anything bad to them. Whatever you don't like when it comes to proactive helping them like that's not this that didn't say you have to do that because at the end of the day if it's between you and them if it's your life versus their life you know the the whose life comes first >> your life. So, it's not really that you actively love them as much as you love yourself. That's that's not normal. It means don't do to them what you don't like when people do to you because now you you don't need to have any emotions for that. I just met somebody or I don't even know who they are. Their coat's lying on the floor. So, I'm not going to walk on their coat because I don't like it when people walk over my stuff. I'll put it on a hook. You just did the no love needed, no emotions needed, just basic dollars and cents. You want to go doid, you want to help people, you want to do color and beautiful. That's all optional. It's recommended. You get this mitzvah. Look what he says at the end. And actually, he doesn't say it here, but he's telling you that it's a of the mitzvah. If you want to do the mitzvah of that's beautiful, but where does it say in the Torah, you have to invite guests to your meal? We'll see in the Rambam how he understands it. But he's saying here the key thing is that the negative obligation is is what the POS is talking about. Don't be don't be insensitive. Don't be rude. Just don't do to other people what you don't want them to do to you. Even if you don't like them, who cares whether you like them, whether you love them, just treat them like you want to be treated. So that's the mitzvah. Okay. So that we can do. I mean, how how much how much uh do we need to be on a level where I just don't want to do stuff for you that I don't like it when people do for me. Okay, that's good. Says the Marasha. That's the base level of the mitzvah. And if you go over the page, this actually mirrors what we see from Hillel. And actually, it would be very nice if Tarum Yoden was indeed the Jonison Benuille, who was the student of Hillel. It's not clear that Tarum Yonis was written by Yonas Benazil because the Gmorra says the Targum on Na'vi was written by Yonas Benuzil, but doesn't say the Tarum on was. But let's just assume that it was because it would fit very nicely in academic circles. The is called pseudo yon. Okay. Um look at number 10. Very famous the the non-Jew that came. Please teach me and convert me and teach me the Torah while I'm standing on one leg. Sh pushes him out. I don't need clots cashers. I don't need any uh silly people like you asking me ridiculous questions. Going to fill in the whole Torah on one leg. 25 seconds. The non-Jew is basically saying, "I know you rabbis, you can speak for hours, but can you give me 20 seconds?" The essence of Judaism, your elevator pitch. Yeah. You get into the elevator in the Empire State Building and next to you is uh I don't know, Jeff Bezos, the the the chairman of Amazon who's got like so many billions of dollars, he'd never even notice if he gave you 5 million. Make your pitch for your big project. Says this non-Jew get make your pitch. If you can make a pitch in 20 seconds, I'm in. Shai just says get lost. Yeah, we're not doing that. We're not playing games. Torah is you have to sit and learn seriously hill. Oh, he comes to hell gay and of course he converts him. This whole dafomor is dealing with stories of nudnikim that came to hillel and he never lost his patience. This is the same story. They they made a bet. Will I get him to lose his patience? And and they call him on Friday afternoon from the shower as he's getting ready for Shabas and ask him stupid questions. He never lost his patience. He was always accepting safe space. That's why and I kid you not, that's why every student house on campus, Jewish student house is called Hello. So it's there for every nutnick weirdo student that will feel accepted, not judged. And it's good. It's not called Shami. Otherwise, we pretty that sounds more like a you know a fraternity you know you're you're only in here if you're if you're to etc. Uh so he came to hill converts and he says to him whatever you will whatever you don't like don't do to other people same thing we saw this is the whole Torah this is my pitch he doesn't mention god he doesn't mention shabas he doesn't mention keeping kosher he says if you can just not do to other people what you don't like when they do to you that's the whole the rest is the commentary the small print now you can go and learn all the details He doesn't say all you need to do is be a nice person. He says you also need to read the small print. Trust me, I'm a lawyer or I used to be. You got to read the small print or at least or pay somebody else to read the small print. But it's the small print and that's why I brought you uh this. I brought you this before. Some of you may remember I saw this from Professor Alman many years ago. I heard a shift from him uh who won a Nobel Prize many years away ago for game theory. He says just look at the the way the aseras dibbrris looked based on the midrash that says that all the words covered the entire stone. There was no margin. There were no gaps at the edges. And he says why would I even need to know such a sort of random tidbit about the l who cares? I'll never see them. You'll never see them. Okay. We had a she once on the lucas. Remember we talked about Charlton H. We you know the whole the whole works. Okay. Fine. Um the mabitz ramshi invat in the 1500s says no don't you understand there's hundreds of words on the first side bayard lakam there's only about 25 30 words on the second side the telling you that when the people first saw the lis the writing covered the whole thing to fit 180 something words on one side you have to make the font smaller and then to fit 30 words on the other side you make the font bigger so the very first visual image of Torah that the Jewish people got says The Kazan is telling us is big print, small print. Ah, that's the big print. Okay, that's important. Small print, but that's not the main that's not the main thing. And that's why the Rambam uh understands number 12, I'm not going to read the whole thing, that ultimately the is how you treat people, their money, their physical welfare. You want for them what they want for themselves. It's not about emotions at all. It can be but it doesn't have to be etc. contrasted with if you look at the way the Ramban describes the to love God that's wow that's with it doesn't say I don't have to do that I just have to pick up his coat and stick it on a hook. But when it comes to God who I got to fall in love with God I've got to be more in love with God than I am with my spouse. my children, my family, my parents. The Ramban I brought you in number 14 suggests that's why it says someone who really loves you says is to actually be in love with a person. Whereas in the verse about other people, it says that's not even grammatically correct. Some person comes up to you and says ahabibi like what you got to get to old pan before you come and tell me you love me. Yeah, the it's not the only it says the no there's another kind of there's and not means I have to fall in love with the person develop emotions means good I'll do things for you I'll help you I'll not treat you in a way which is insensitive etc that's interesting when it comes to the mitzvah to love convert both are used there's so maybe with a convert to Judaism You actually have to go out of your way to develop a real relationship, a real love because they need it. They really need it. Other people, they don't need your love. They just need you to treat them nicely or not to treat them badly. Maybe Garing need more because they have less uh infrastructure, etc. And therefore, just to kind of finish off this section when the Rambam explains how this works again like the GR says, let's learn thisly. Number 15, there's a positive rebinic mitzvah. goes through all the inviting guests. Going to a shiva visit, going to a hospital visit to carry out the dead to dig the grave, fill it in. Interestingly, we call it the ram says, "No, no, no. You've got the wrong way around. The the kala comes first. The some clueless guy on somebody's shoulders. He doesn't know what the heck he's doing. All he knows is there's a big party. Everybody's singing and dancing and he's marrying a bruisy girl. She's the one that's thinking, "Am I making the biggest mistake of my entire life?" Okay, he's he's he's got no clue. So when you're focusing, it's okay. All of these to give them all the presents for their marriage. Yeah, great. These are all this is all you do with your physical self as opposed to your money. You can just write a check. You can't write a check to a Shiva house. It's like it's ridiculous to say you have to be there. There's no limit. Although we'll see that there is a limit, but we're not going to get there today. There's no fixed limit. It's not like a look at what he says next. So I put this in bold and even though I've described all of these going to a sh doing a hospital visit etc as rabbitic the word cl the ramb's take on cl is beautiful on a on a level of of obligation it's negative don't be s don't be insensitive don't be rude don't treat other people's property and person in a way that you wouldn't want people to treat you. On a positive level, the Torah leaves it to you. You want to do great. You don't want TO DO OKAY, YOU don't have to. You just have to not be negative. The rabbis come along, says the Rambam and say, "Okay, it's very optimistic." The Torah is very optimistic. It expects you to want to do more. The rabbis are very realistic. They say, "If we leave it up to people to opt in to do, you know how much they're going to do? Forget it. They're going to sit and watch Netflix cuz it's just easier. So the rabbis say, "We're going to put this structure together. Go to a shiv, go to a funeral, go to a wedding, buy them presents, d and every time you do that, you get the mitzvah as a mitzvah, the mitzvah. You didn't have to, but the rabbi said, "We'll help you to." And by the way, this is important. If you go out in the streets and ask them, ask people, ask random Jews around, "Is there a mitzvah to invite guests?" And every one of them will say yes. Then ask where does it say that in the Torah? And 999 out of a thousand will start talking about au. And you'll say what's going to do? I want a mitzvah. You shall invite guests. Where does it say that? And they oh I don't know. I don't know. And the answer is like all the mitzvah. If you do this, you get a Torah mitzvah. That's the purpose of generally the Torah says pray. How do you pray? It's up to you. When do you pray? Whatever you like. What do you say? You decide. And the rabbis come along and say, "That's beautiful." But like most people are going to just be clueless and they're going to say, "I don't know what to do." Good. So give them a rabbitic structure minion kadesh d and then they'll get the Torah mitzvah. Although you don't need to do those things in theory, but the Torah wants you to to pray and you should still pray in your own words, but the rabbis give structure. Okay, good. End of part one. Approach one and approach two. uh I put on the top of page four uh if you want to know how to love people you don't like. So maybe you could f focus just on the negative side just not to be rude, not to be unreasonable, not to be insensitive and and in terms of the the proactive side. Okay, that's a different question as to how you do it and what you do. You don't have a to do it and you certainly don't need to get into an emotional bond with people. You just have to treat them the way that you would want to be treated. That's the first approach. Rabbi Fran by the way I brought you here gives a different understanding of the Rambam where he says you know something if you start actually treating people this way the more you do you will actually almost against your like your will you will actually come to love them cuz the more that you do for people the more you invest in people the more you will actually develop a bond for people. uh uh which is very interesting which is usually why parents love their children more than children love their parents because the parents have invested so much in the children they've developed that bond whereas all the child does is take and take and take and take and you feel resentful you don't love people who you take from all the time just doesn't work that way I remember Rabbi Cordo once uh he should live and be well he he told me an interesting story um about two uh American veterans that he saw in a hotel uh once in a in a lobby in a And they said, "Are you a rabbi?" And he said, "Yes." He says, "Can you help us?" We're not Jewish, but we have a question. He says, "What can I do to help you with?" He says, "We're Vietnam veterans, and we ended up doing such things to such people." And so many times at the beginning, it was very, it was impossible for us to do that. We had to kill people. But by the end, we were completely desensitized. In the end, we have no we have no sensitivity to the value of life whatsoever. And we feel destroyed by that. What can we do? And remember he said is look I don't have a magic answer to this but if you start to do small acts of for people more and more and more and more just tiny little things that will build up to a a reensitization of the worth of other people of love for other people it's very interesting the same idea that we're seeing here. So that's approach one and two. Approach three, there's another whole mitzvah of of doing things for people which has got nothing to do with at all. On some level requires empathy. Maybe I don't love you personally, but like I I relate to you because I know how that would feel if people did that to me. This is a whole another mitzvah. Look at number 16. What does God want from you? God wants you to take it seriously. Yeah, this is not a joke. It's not a game to go in God's ways. And we see this again and again. I brought you 17, 18, 19 repeated in again and again and again. Copy God. Copy God. Copy God. How do you copy God? Says the Gmorra number 20, excuse me. Very famous. Why does it say you have to walk with God? Can a person really walk together with the God is a a destroying, a burning, a consuming fire. You get annihilated if you get too close. Yeah. Was the which was the half Torah. You try and get too close, you get zapped. You don't want to do that. You follow the way Hashem acts in the world. Just like God gives clothes to those who are naked. You go looking for opportunities to clothe to clothe those who have no clothes. God goes to visit the sick. Is sick. He's visited by Hashem after his go also to visit the sick. Hashem goes to comfort the berved after died. He goes and gives a you know to feel good. So too you must do that buries the dead. God buries Moshe in the in the in the valley. What's going on here? This is a different approach. I used to say to my students when they were doing, you know, when you go into a family in your program, the 18-year-olds, they go, they have to do the the SE tells them, you part of the curriculum, you got to turn up. So, you might feel different different. You might walk in there and see, you know, a dysfunctional arrangement and the kids screaming and running around and and six days dishes in the sink and d you might feel, oh my goodness, like I don't know these people. Love these people. But goodness, if I was in this situation, I would so appreciate the girl coming to help me, so I'll do that for them. That's I said, you might turn around and say, who are these people? Why do they have so many children if they don't know how to cope with them? Why are they losers? What's going on? Why is this home completely dysfunctional? And the answer is, okay, you don't have any empathy. But looks at the world and says, you know, really, this is how you ruin the world. He still gets involved and he still helps and he still does, you know, and you're not doing it because you feel empathy. You're doing it because that's the way that a godly person acts. You're doing it because it's the right thing to do. Models that. Okay, you don't feel empathy, but you you know we're also don't deserve all the help that we get, but God keeps on giving us breath, giving us life, giving us food, and therefore you you can at least feel that and that's you could feel both. And then you get two mitzvah or you could feel neither. And you can say, I'm only here because the sun will throw me out and send me home if I don't come. And then you lost an opportunity to do some mitzvah. Okay. Okay. You helped you helped some people, that's nice, but you lost that opportunity with that kavan. And the Rambam brings that down quite uh in a very similar way. Although just to put a little Mava kind of spin on it. If you look at when the Rambam brings this down, he doesn't say that God acts in those ways because that actually is offensive to the Rambam's theology. He says it looks to us that God acts in those ways, which the Ram has to say. He says it very clearly just in case you ever thought that you understood anything actively and proactively about God. You don't. He says, but it looks to us that that's how God runs the world. So that's level three. Maybe we don't have any sympathy. We don't have any empathy. But nevertheless, we can at least be godly. We can at least do this because that's the way an ethical godly person has to act. And that helps us to connect with other people as well. Go to page five. There's another whole mitzvah which I'm not uh getting into now which I will please God get into which is the Torah says do the right thing. Yasha be like we saw in the native be good. What does that mean? Rashi comes in bring a kazal and says it means to go beyond the letter of the law. Sometimes the right thing to do is not what the halaka says. The halaka says something is permitted. Yeah, but it's not the right thing to do. I need to do more than that. Of course, if the halak says it's prohibited, then it's prohibited. But just because the halaka says it's okay doesn't mean it's it's it's the right thing to do. Rafi used to say halak is a floor, not a ceiling, is a starting point. So sometimes the approach with other people is okay strictly speaking I don't owe them anything but should I maybe I should do more maybe I should go beyond what they don't deserve what they don't uh really what they shouldn't get from me etc that's another way forward we'll talk all about that mitzvah in more detail but let me now show you some new things that you won't have heard from me before certainly not in this forum which is a piece from the labavarbi from the balatania uh a piece from rafk and then a little bit of the arizal at the end okay So let's have a look first at Ravkuk. Ravki number 23. Ravk says I'll tell you something fundamental about how Jewish people work. He's writing to the rid the Rav Vilinski I think it is was unhappy with Rav Cook over the and he says to Ravuk, "Why are you always finding justifications for the secular Israelis? They weren't Israelis yet in the ishou. Why? Why? Why are you bothered with these people? They're just trying to trample Torah. And he says, "Yeah, you can ask me why I'm always trying to bring people closer, even those who do to help them do." He says, "I'll tell you why." Says, he tells, he tells the other, he says, "There are two elements that build the kaduca of a Jew. and the connection they have to God. Who has the first one is the the inherent quality of what it is to be spiritually Jewish. The the the nature of what it means to be part of the Jewish people which is imprinted imprinted on an inner holy source. It's it's there. You can't remove it. You're Jewish. Like everything has its nature. They haven't se everything whether it's animal, vegetable, plant, etc. A Jew is a Jew. They have a singular of a Jew. And the second element is how they choose to act. What mitzvah they do, what mitzvah they don't do. They learn Torah, they don't learn Torah. They do mitzvah, they don't. But it's two different things. Now look what he says. The scholar element of Jews is enormous. You can't even understand how enormous it is. And it's much more important than the element of what they do. The nature as an inherent Jew connected to God and to other Jews is much bigger than what they actually do. He the the covenant with God is made in such a way that you don't always see the you most associate Jewish Jews with how they keep mitzvah because that's what you can see on the surface. So the sigula is reflected by the choices by the says but it's not true. That's only what you can see. Look at the third paragraph. God knows the inside and God knows in every generation. God works out how old are going to work out which are appearing in the world. Look at this line very important. Sometimes their coat let's call it and I don't mean that in a negative way. The genuine keeping mitzvah learning Torah is much bigger. But when you ask, well, are you really thinking about the Jewish people as a whole? Do you feel connected to all the Jewish people? They've lost on that. They've somehow let that that that weaken. Okay. You don't see that. It seems to be all about their Torah, their mitzvah. Well, what about the rest of Israel? They can just go to go hang. You know, you don't care about everybody else. Sometimes people seem like that. other times they they feel very connected to the Jewish people and proud for the Jewish people and but in terms of their choices they don't keep charas they don't keep kosher they don't get that they don't get the part they get the part but they don't get the part and what the rak says you can read the rest on your own he says I don't take Jews for just one of these or rather the other way around I recognize each either one of these I should say you in my eyes he says you don't need both it's best to have both he says but very few people have neither he says at the very end he says there are some Jews who are self-hating who hate the Jewish people who hate the land of Israel he says I'm not interested in those people they've lost the sigula and they've lost the he says but the vast majority of Jews that I meet have either got the bak they do mitzvah and they're bothered about them but somehow or other they're just not thinking they're not thinking about the nation as a and others are very focused on the Jewish people but they've just lost the way when it comes to mitzvah that's okay it's okay but he says that I'm prepared to be macar any of those people when I look at he was talking to somebody who was thinking about the nonobservant Jews of the time who had lost their but had their sigula they wanted to build cloud Israel the people who we know founded the state today we're also talking about the people who have got the bakira but they've LOST THE SIGULA OKAY, you know something this this R cook works for many generations. So now I think when when many of the people that I speak to suddenly in the religious Zionist world look out to other communities they they see the kak of the non-religious community who have fought with them in the army and they look a scance at the ka at the the community who they say well like what's going on you've lost your connection to kish says just calm down there's a and there's a sigula and we need to try and get them both but some people just get one more than they get the other and and don't and don't fall apart because of that it's very important point that he makes. Therefore, I brought you approach five is that we're looking for the sigula. We're looking for the and idea. We're looking to connect them. But if they don't connect, then okay, that's something we can work with. The balata has a beautiful piece. The balata says he gets more cabalistic and he says as follows. Maybe I'll summarize this a little bit outside and you can read it. It's a very important part of the Tanya. It's periclamid base. It's called the LA the LA Hatania part of chapter 32 where he says at the end of the day we don't see people certainly not Jews as bodies as physical if you see people as physical then everybody's different and you feel disconnected he says we see people as namas at the end of the day all people are shamas all Jewish people non-Jews he I'm not going to get into his attitudes non-Jews right now but certainly let's start with Jews every Jew on if you go far enough up the chain So if you want to get a little bit more cababalistic when you get to the level of where all of the come it's one it's all one says you need to feel like you're an actual just another aspect of the same nama of every other Jew and that's why he says they're really all in a real way just like you share genetics you share DNA with your sibling you are the same nama as every other Jew you lot like it or not like it okay that's up to you but you are and therefore the more we can see people as namas the more we can actually realize that there is nothing that separates us on the most fundamental level. And of course we have to try and you know act appropriately and improve people and help people and and and criticize people. That's not to say we should just accept everyone how they are. But the the reality that people are one shama he says is a very real one and it's not just a nice idea. He says when you look at the world you have to see the spiritual and not the physical. He downplays the physical a lot. Um, I know that's not the only approach in Jewish thought, but he says the physical at the end of the day. That's where all the yates of horror is. It's in the physical. It's in what people do physically. It's not people in people who who they are spiritually. And that's a very important point. Let's just finish with one uh small thing which is um actually a very big thing. The Arizal brings down look at number 25. The quotes before you should accept upon yourself mitzvah as a shell theft and he quotes the of which is coming from the which is that davening to God can only be done when you can create a yehood a unity with other people with other Jews because at the end of the day what you're trying to do certainly from a cabalistic level is create is connect all the system of realign all of the pipes all of the the downflow that's been corrupted and messed up and is not coming out in the right way says you can't rebuild the vertical system of ketma etc et all the way down you can't create the vertical alignment unless you deal with a horizontal alignment that all Jewish people are part of that that system as well and therefore we have about unity and therefore let me just look with you just like one last source in number 27 look in the you can look in the 26 in his original later we'll finish with that not just chakras whenever you should accept and you have to take on he says to love every single other Jew whether you like them or not like your own like we saw in the because if God forbid there is a detachment and and and disagreement in a in a fundamental way between Jews below there can be no and the more you can unite them below the more you'll unite them above. and then all our fillers all could join together. So there's another way we can approach this in our dabling in thinking about the need for aft. So okay there are lots of practical things there I hope not just nice ideas but real things and we can think about that more next week we'll please go have the opportunity of your mas uh and the week after we will come back and we will take this to the next stage and we'll go from there. Okay, lovely to see you all again. Thank you for coming and uh everyone should be